The Smut Side of the Moon
Or
The Missing in Action gang takes a stroll around the Fallout Fandom. Pure Crack!
"Wait a moment there, what did ya just say?"
The barrel of Cass's shotgun was a perfect fit for the back of Coyote-Head's skull - and for some mind-boggling reason, the asshole wasn't even struggling that much - but she couldn't help but stare at the other woman and wonder if the heat hadn't finally baked her brains for good.
"Don't shoot him, please!" The other woman wrung her hands. How she could look like she'd just stepped out of a Vault-Tec pre-war starlet poster at midday in the Mojave, Cass couldn't begin to guess. "He's just a poor, misunderstood soul! All he needs is the right woman to show him the wrong of his ways."
"All this bastard needs is a new hole in his noggin'!" Cass snarled, pressing the barrel harder again his skull. The Legionnaire groaned in pain, but he didn't fight back. What was wrong with people today?! "This is Vulpes Inculta, girlie! Head-honcho of Caesar's rape-and-burn gangs! How many people do ya think he's nailed to a cross?!"
"There's still good inside of him!" the desert starlet cried, honest-to-God tears in her eyes. Cass had to force herself not to roll her eyes and keep them on the 9mm at her hip. "I can feel it!"
"Next you'll tell me that Caesar's a hard man doin' the hard thing for civilization, or that he just took his history fetish a bit to far. Ya know what? Fuck it." There was no doubt this time: it felt good to paint the bastard's brains across the sand.
The crazy head screamed and went for her gun, then John slapped it out of her hand and knocked her unconscious with a love-tap.
"People these days, I swear," Cass grumbled as she cleaned pieces of Inculta from her shotgun with the dead man's skirt.
"Sounds like Stockholm Syndrome to me." John checked the crazy head's vitals, then hauled her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Either that, or someone's read too much pre-war trashy romances about redemption romances."
"How's it goin' over there?"
John shook his head, expression grim. "Kana and Veronica were still trying to explain that necrophilia isn't that healthy when it comes to sexual practices, and that a winning personality or brooding silences are all well and good, but they don't change that there's a reason why sane ghouls tend to have sex only with other ghouls, and that Rad-X doesn't protect against infections. Arcade was giving a stern talk-to to that John Hancock-wannabee and the tall zombie about being sensible, at least." He sighed. "Neither side looked like they were getting anywhere anytime soon, so I came to check up on you."
Cass fell in step with him, trying to map the closest way to Dr. Usanagi's Clinic. Maybe the good doctor could do something for the poor girl.
"I swear, people on the East Coast have lost their goddamned minds. All that's missing is people sexin' up deathclaws or some other shit. Must be somethin' in the water."