A.N: Hey guys!! Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm pretty sure you are going to enjoy this one too lol.

Oh by the way if you want to check out the dress that Rose is wearing to the Ball you can find the link on my profile.=) I really really hope you'll like it.

Anyways don't forget to show the love by reviewing.

Thank you so SO much for your support.

Love you all

Steffy

Chapter 20:

I was getting ready for the graduation Ball. I was in front of the mirror not able to recognize the girl staring back at me.

The dress Lissa bought me was simply stunning. Red, silky and why one killer slide. Kashka did my make up and she curled my hair in loose curls, letting it wave almost naturally on my back.

I was surely beautiful right now, but someone who knew me well enough could see how different I was just by looking into my eyes.

I sighed, finally getting away from my own reflection. It didn't matter much to me how I looked like anymore anyways.

I told to my 'rescue' group yesterday about my intention to leave the academy pretty soon. They took it really well…unnaturally well, actually. I was pretty sure that Lissa prepared them. My mom didn't hide her worries and slight deception, but she seemed convinced that guarding was running into my blood and that I would make it back sooner than I even expected it.

Tasha and Christian were, surprisingly, the most understanding. It was maybe linked to the fact that they lived among humans and that they thought it could be beneficial for me.

Tasha said she had contact in Minnesota and that she could help me lend a job and all that, I accepted her offer eagerly.

I looked at the clock on the wall on the wall. Kashka would be there any minute now for the ball. She didn't get an invite, but she was my +1. It seemed silly, but in my head the only person supposed to go to the ball with me was Dimitri. So, I decided to go with his sister…a Belikov. It was downright stupid and I knew it, but for me it was a statement that I still belonged to him.

As for Dimitri, well…I was spending almost all day long beside him. Singing, reading, talking, just being there and each night when I was leaving and that nothing had changed it ripped a little bit of my heart out and I didn't have much left already.

I was ashamed to admit it, but I didn't know how long I would be able to let my hopes being crushed.

I was pleased to hear the knock on the door. It was Kashka and it would help me put my worries aside for now, as crying was forbidden for the evening… Well at least 'til I got to bed, where I'd cry my eyes out like every night.

Kashka was wearing a simple black dress and her hair in a high ponytail.

As we walked to the banquet hall she couldn't help to laugh.

"Honestly girl…".she said looking at me from head to toe again. "I'm pretty sure you're gonna set the room on fire with that dress. I have to give her that… Vasilisa got amazing tastes."

I blushed and laughed with her. I was going to miss her a lot when she's go back to Russia. Her mother was coming next week as she informed her about the Dimitri situation, but apparently her grandmother knew that already.

I took a deep breath as we walked into the room and of course, as I expected, the room went silent and all eyes turned on us where mix feelings were dancing, but it was mostly lust in the male eyes.

I looked at the table where the Queen was. She was looking at me with slight disapproval. I didn't know if it was because of my dress or because of the person accompanying me. Maybe even both.

Good old witch! Maybe I have to shut my mouth, but at least I can show you where you can shove your protocol. I thought looking to the guardians along the wall.

Eddie was with them and it pained me a little that he couldn't enjoy the evening with me.

I sighed and saw my mother and Ben on either side of him. Yikes! If she went crazy over the other dress she was probably boiling inside now but she didn't let anything show…pretends…always pretends…I thought sadly.

I looked at Eddie again who discreetly winked at me. It made me smile. My goofy Eddie was still inside this guardian.

I looked at Kashka who was more or less discreetly peeking at Ben.

Uh… That's new, I thought with a chuckle when we were almost at the table.

"What?" she whispered curiously.

"I'll tell you later," I whispered back as we reached the table.

"Miss Hathaway," said the Queen with a smile. "I'm really glad that you could join us tonight. It's such an honor to share a meal with a young and brave hero such as yourself," she added seeming perfectly sincere but I knew how dark she could be. It wasn't long ago that she treated me worse than dirt menacing everything that was dear to my heart and calling me a 'liability'.

I forced a smile on my face and bowed my head slightly. Control Rose…control. I thought as I felt my heart rate accelerating.

"You look absolutely stunning in that dress," she said with a smile and I wanted to say hey bitch could you at least acknowledge the fantastic person beside me, but I didn't do it…I couldn't, For Lissa's sakes.

She pointed to the seat just beside Adrian. "Please take a seat," she said with a light in the eyes.

I smiled to Adrian sitting beside him with Kashka at my right. Across from me were Lissa and Christian. Lissa grinned as Christian winked.

The meal went down pretty smoothly, as we were not to sit too close to the Queen and mainly talked, just the five of us. It was like we usually did anyways.

After that, the music started to play and couples started to dance on the central dance floor. I looked at them and especially at Christian and Lissa. They were so graceful together. A real couple full of love, you could see that. Seeing them waltz the way they were made it clear they were royals, but also that they were deeply in love and totally trusting in each other.

I half smiled. Those two were in for life I was sure.

Adrian was fidgeting beside me and I shot him a sidelong glance. I could see that he wanted to invite me to dance, he just didn't know the way I was going to welcome it. I didn't see anything wrong dancing with Adrian, but people, the Queen in particular, would see a lot more than a simple dance and I didn't want that.

I didn't want the Queen to brag on about how the great Hero of the moroi world will be soon a member of her hell-like family. That would never happen and I didn't want to hurt Adrian.

I sighed and looked away to show him there was no point to invite me. Tasha was studying me and she probably understood my internal dilemma, as she stood up and flashed her bright smile to Adrian.

"Lord Ivashkov would you dance with me?" She asked very formally.

Adrian stood up. "Of course Lady Oreza. It would be a great honor," he said smiling back.

Tasha winked at me as I mouthed her a thank you.

I discreetly looked at the Queen and saw that she had her lips pressed into a fine line. She didn't like the fact that Adrian danced with Tasha…and boy I was enjoying that.

I was so lost in my contentment that I didn't hear anyone approaching. I jerked in surprised when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

Christian was standing behind me.

"Would you dance with me Miss Hathaway?" he asked very officially. "It would be a great honor for me to make you waltz," he added reaching out with his hand.

It took all I had in me not to burst into laugher. Formal Christian was hilarious and the fact that he was formal with me was even funnier.

I looked at Lissa who was sat again across from me and she pleaded me to accept through our bond. Come on Rose, it's just one dance. It will be good for you… Change your mind a little. She thought to me.

I looked at the Queen and the horror glance she shot us decided me.

The great Hero of the moroi dancing with the 'Strigoi wannabe' ? That was a total Kodak moment!!

I nodded and took his hand. "Of course, Lord Oreza," I said as formal as he was. "I'm honored by the invitation."

We walked together to the dance floor, his hand on the small of my back.

As we danced he chuckled softly.

"So… How is the old witch taking it?" he whispered to me as he made us twirl.

"I think she is going to have a stroke or something," I said not able to conceal a genuine smile to form on my lips.

"Ah, an authentic smile from Rose," he said sincerely pleased. "We miss those you know." He added seriously.

"I know Christian...I know." I said squeezing his shoulder. "It's just that…I'm trying my best," I said backtracking.

"I know you do and I'm pretty sure some time away will do you some good." He said kissing my cheek. I was almost sure I heard someone gasp when he did that. Fucking people and their dirty mind I thought wishing I could beat that idiot up.

"But she was right you know… You are absolutely stunning in that dress…" he said sincerely. It was even more of a compliment as he wasn't trying to flirt or anything. He was just speaking his mind. "You are literally breathtaking! I swear I'm looking around and I don't see a guy in that room that didn't wish to be me right now."

I laughed. "Nobody can take the spot I have for you in my heart." I said shaking my head. "You are my number one cocky smartass."

"Yay!" He said pretending to marvel at the thought.

I just wish I was I someone else's arms, I thought sadly immediately regretting that.

Christian probably saw the sadness in my eyes as he tightened our embrace.

"He'll be back… It just takes time. We don't know what he experienced as a strigoi and …" He sighed. "All he needs is time."

I nodded biting my bottom lip to stop myself from crying.

"You know what could you cover for me like half an hour?" I asked, as the waltz was about to end.

"Go and see him Rose…" He said knowing what I intended to do. "But come back okay?" he asked almost pleading.

"Of course! I won't anger the Queen!!" I said as I already angered her enough for an evening. "30 minutes," I said with certainty.

Christian nodded. "Okay. I'll said you went to the toilet to 'freshen up.' You women can take 30 minutes to do that…easy!" He said teasing.

"Uh… We'll talk about that later mister." I said taking his hand to leave the dance floor. "Well, see you in a bit." I said tranquilly, walking to the main doors.

I decided to wait to be outside the building to break into a run, but I wasn't sure it would be wise with my stilettos shoes and the dress I was wearing. Won't be very lady like to come back with bleeding knees would it? I thought.

As soon as I was outside, I decided to take off my shoes. I was about to unfasten the first one when I heard my mother behind me.

"Rose?" She asked nicely.

I turned around and blushed furiously like a child caught in action of making a mistake.

"I'll be back in no time. I just need to go and---" I started.

"It's okay Rose. You can do whatever you want," she said with a warm smile.

I looked at her, slightly startled. She was so different than the mother I had before leaving. She was much more caring, softer somehow. Maybe she decided to cut me a break as I went through so much already.

"I just wanted to tell you that you look amazing. I'm not saying that because you are my daughter," she said a bit embarrassed. "You are so, so beautiful Rose and brave and caring and…" she swallowed loudly and I could read the emotion in her eyes. "And loving."

"Mom I--" I started but she ignored my interruption and continued.

"You followed your heart and gave it to someone who gave you his in return. I'm so proud of you Rose, so proud of the person you are… of the woman you are becoming." She said putting her hands on my shoulder. "All that to tell you that…that I'm proud of you whatever path you decide to follow because I know it will be the right one for you. I… I love you Rose," she added as a conclusion smiling uncomfortably.

I hugged her tight trying my best to fight my tears, but my shivering voice gave my emotion away. "Thank you so much mom. What you just said… It means the world to me. Knowing that you're proud of me? That you love me?" I shook my head. "I love you too you know. So, so much!!" I added not able to conceal a single tear from falling.

My mother dried it away softly. "I need to get back, but I'll see you later" she said kissing my forehead.

I nodded and rushed to the clinic as my head was spinning following my mother loving words. I dreamt to hear them for so long and I realized just now how much her approval meant to me.

I left my shoes by the entrance and walked up to Dimitri. I kissed his lips softly.

"You know… You were supposed to be the one coming with me to the ball." I said sadly. "I imagined myself dancing into your arms where I would feel safe…at home."

I sighed kissing his forehead. "I'll go soon my love, but…even if I'll be away my heart will stay here with you." I said on the verge of crying again. I think I never cried as much in my all life than I did in the last two months.

"Well I better go back," I said as seeing his face not acknowledging my presence every day was still as painful as it was in day one. "I really thought that what we shared could overcome everything." I stoke his hair gently looking at his face with all the love I had. I loved him so much that I actually felt physical pain, like my body could not hold all this love. I started humming…

"Better to have loved you and let you in than never to have touched your skin. Better to have hurt and screamed and cried. Fall into the earth for a trip to the sky. Better to have loved - you - I gave you everything but you have said goodbye.''

I quietly sang the lyrics of the song Better to have loved by Idina Menzel.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. ''Here or not, my heart will be yours and yours only.'' I said walking to the door, as I had to get back before they really started to question my absence.

''I hope you liked the dress. I wanted to be beautiful just for you… To give you a reason to come back,'' I added somehow embarrassed.

I bent down to pick up my shoes when I heard the most significant sound in my world. A sound I would have given everything I had ever owned just to hear once again.

''You are so beautiful that it hurts sometimes,'' he said with a hoarse voice. It was the exact same words he said when we were under the lust spell.

I turned around to look at him and, even if he was still in the same position, there was something definitely different, there was recognition in his eyes.

My Dimitri was back! I thought as my heart burst with happiness and I collapsed on my knees.