Note: Hello readers ! Sorry I wasn't able to update last week and this chapter is a day late.

Thank you for your comments and your reviews ! I'm getting such long reviews it's really heart warming as it's the first fanfic i've ever written. Getting so much feedback and so much kindness from all of you is touching so Thank you !

Note 2: Okay so i'm diving into what Ace's disease and I'd like your input about it, so please read the author's note at the end !

NB: Thank to my Wonderful Vanilla Ice Cream ( who finally got an account on !) for beta-ing this chapter and helping me out ! 3

Chapter 6: Take a deep breath ( and fall).

A week had passed since his meeting with Marco. But life went on and so did Ace. He woke up, ate, went to work, worked, went back home and slept. Every day. Without really thinking about it.

Kid had tried to make him talk. He knew that his friend was worried because he did not knowwhy he had ran in the first place and where he had ended up. Ace had stayed tight-lipped. He did not need a lecture; and he absolutely did not need Kid's pity. Not that he would get it as his friend would probably kick his ass for being a dumbass who ran away.

Anyway, Ace absolutely did not want to talk about it to Kid. Furthermore he had already put it behind him. No need to bother with that anymore. It wouldn't do any good.

It was already Friday night and the weather had grown even colder. Night had fallen ages ago - or so it seemed – but it was only six o'clock. The shop was closed and his employees were cleaning up while Ace filed some forms to order ink. He could hear their banter through the open door. Bonney was whining something about Kid stealing all her chocolate bars while Bartolomeo was singing some old pop song. Ace shook his head, amused. He then took a pen to write down how much ink he needed. As he put the pen on the page he found himself unable to write as his hand shook tremendously. Soon, he dropped the pen, not able to hold it.

Panic overtook Ace's mind. It happened more often than not this days. Being unable to write, to hold things and even to get up at times.

He even had trouble drawing. Sometimes his lines were shaky and rough, the colors overstepping the outlines... He had messed up a client's tatoo earlier this week. It had never happened before. Thankfully Kid was there and had taken his place, finishing the tatoo.

But still. Ace had messed up. His hand had begun to shake and he had nearly dropped everything he was holding. It made him afraid to touch a neddle and he hadn't for three days already.

Kid was looking at him with worried eyes and breathing down his neck all the time. It was getting quite annoying. Even though he understood his friend's worry as he himself was getting more and more anxious. Not only did he have trouble with just moving around, he also felt tired all the time.

He needed to see a doctor to know what was wrong. Maybe he had a vitamin or an iron deficiency ? It wouldn't seem far fetched as he knew he had lost a lot of weigh quite abruptly two years ago. Still, it shouldn't affect him now, should it ? Two years ago, Sabo had to basically force feed him to get him to eat something. Nowadays, Ace ate normally so it was a bit strange that he felt that tired. But if it wasn't a defiency then what was it ? He did not know. Maybe he was getting depressed all over again. It wouldn't be surprising.

He was so tired. Problems kept pilling up and he couldn't do anything. He was drowing in them. Marco's return, Law's shifty behaviour, Luffy's naivety, Sabo's situation... Sabo being in a coma, unable to help him up once again. Stop, don't go there. He tried not to think about his brother but as much as he wanted to forget, he just couldn't stop his trip down memory lane.

At that time, Ace wasn't himself. Now, he could say he had been depressed. Medically speaking. He spent a lot of time in his bed, slept a lot, did nothing, ate little. He didn't even bother going to work. Anyway, Sabo was here, trying to help him, to force him to stay alive. He was the one who took care of him when he was unable to do so himself. Luffy hadn't been there as he was on an adventure with his friends, visiting Thailand, India and China and as soon as he got back he had been shipped away by Garp to do an hellish training.

Learning that Marco and Ace had broken up made Sabo ready to beat his brother's ex black and blue but Ace wouldn't let him and as much as it had pissed him off, he backed off.

He had decided to give priority to his brother. He would deal with Marco when Ace was back on his feet. For a month and a half, he had tried to make him come back to his senses, but to no avail. It had taken threatening him to get him to go back to work. Sabo had blackmailed him, saying he would basically tell everything to Luffy if Ace did not move his sorry ass.

That done, he needed to occupy him, to make him think about something else. He had decided to put Ace to work. He had made him clean, run, go shopping, trim the hedges of the neighbourhood. Everything that would take Ace's mind off of his sorrow. It had worked as Sabo could be quite the slave-driver.

But it had ended abruptly. Sabo was a firefighter and as such he put his life on the line more often than not. Tempting fate so often led him to an accident. Ace recalled, almost perfectly, the phone call he had received from the hospital saying that a burning beam had fallen from the ceiling on his brother while he was about to go out. That he was in surgery.

Ace had ran to the hospital and waited. Waited for so long. Waited for the doctors to finally tell him that his brother had made it but wouldn't wake up soon. Or maybe he would never wake up but they weren't sure. There were things that even doctors did not know.

And from then one, having lost his cornerstone, he fell into the rabbit hole of addictions.

He did drugs and alcohol. He was drowning. In his sorrow and definitely in alcohol. He didn't know right from left and top from bottom. He couldn't quite get out of the pit he had dug himself in. He had simply let himself go and lived life as he could, not really bothering with anything and anyone.

It had taken Kid – and a good ass kicking – to make Ace come back to himself. That and knowing Luffy would come back home come september. After all, Ace was the only one left to take care of their younger brother. He needed to be strong. To be there at least and not be this pathetic little idiot who whined and cried over his ex like a school girl. Kid's words, really.

As much as it had been hard, he did it. All for Luffy. Because his sweet baby brother would need someone to lean on once he learnt about Sabo's accident. Ace needed to be strong for the both of them.

"Hey Ace !" A croaky voice broke his train of thoughts and made him look up.

"Oh Squardo ! It's been a long time since I last saw you !" Ace said, surprised.

Squardo was a friend of Kid. He did not really know how they met but well they were friends and that's what mattered, really.

"Yeah you too ! I was busy for some time but hey, I need to drink myself under a table tonight so I came to fetch Kid ! Are you free ?"

"Oh, is something wrong?" Ace asked sympathetic.

"No, quite the contrary ! I solved a huge case and got a paycheck with so much zeros you wouldn't believe your eyes if you saw it !" Squardo said, quite pleased with himself. He was a private detective and business could be really slow.

"Oh I'm really glad for you but I'll pass tonight. I'm really tired and I wouldn't be good company."

"Are you sure Ace ?" Kid asked, appearing next to Squardo. "You seem down lately, maybe unwinding a little might be good ?" Worry shone in his eyes.

"No, really, go and drink for me, I don't feel good. By the way, I will probably go to see a doctor tomorrow morning, so please open the shop without me."

"A doctor ?" Kid asked, his eyes widening. "Is something wrong ?"

"Not, really. As I told you, I feel really tired and maybe it's because I have an iron defiency or something like that. Better be safe than sorry." Ace said, waving his hand dismissingly.

"Okay..." Kid said reluctanly. "If you're sicker than you think, don't hesitate to call, okay ?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, Kid. It's nothing. I'm just tired, nothing else."

Kid grunted and frowned before leaving, Squardo following.

"Well it was nice talking to you again Ace ! I might come back to catch up later !" Squardo called over his shoulder.

"Sure." Ace said.

Squardo was not a friend of Ace like Kid was but he was a nice a pal, especially when it came to drinking. They had had so much fun back in university drinking, hanging out and painting the town red. At first, they had met through Marco as Squardo was raised in the same orphanage as him. Edward Newgate, Marco's adopted father, owned a large business and had created an orphanage. But while Marco was adopted Squardo had never been.

Ace picked up his pen once again and resumed where he left off. He could already feel a headache on its way. He felt so stressed and so tired this days that it wasn't shaky hands he grabbed a pile of Tylenol and swallowed it dry.

Feeling slightly better he decided to go back home and sleep. He closed his shop and made his way home, praying his legs wouldn't give out in the middle of the sidewalk. How pathetic would it be ?

Luffy would already be gone to work so Ace would be left alone. He was glad Luffy found something to do. He and Sabo had been quite worried – but not surprised – when Luffy had told them he wouldn't go to university. Luffy was meant to live great adventures, not lose his time in school. Luffy's father was some kind of international spy – or so it seemed, Ace had never really asked – and sent Luffy shitload of money. He really hoped Dragon wasn't some kind of criminal. He didn't want Luffy to become as burdened by his father's sins as Ace was.

Luffy had taken to travelling before settling down with Ace and finding a job. He worked with Ivankov, a friend of Dragon... This man really had strange acquaintance... But who was he to talk ? He was friend with Izo after all.

Ace entered his appartement, turned the lights on and made his way to the kitchen to cook. He made his way to the fridge and not feeling like eating anything as he still felt light headed he grabbed some orange juice. He drank his glass slowly, eyes closed. Once done, he put the glass in the sink, not willing to wash it. Turning the lights off, he stalked to his workroom tiredly.

The brother's appartement was fairly large and nice with lots of windows and natural lights lighting the rooms. The walls were light blue in the corridor, whitish in the kitchen and verdigris in the bathroom. Overall, their appartement reflected the spirit of its owners. There were four bedrooms one of which had been transformed into Ace's studio. After all before doing tatoos he had enjoyed painting and even if he did not sell his work he couldn't just drop his first love. As such he had insisted upon having an art room as the brothers were searching for a flat after Ace had decided to open his shop, Sabo to be a firefighter and Luffy had dropped out of university.

He pushed the door open and entered his safe haven. He loved this room, full of splotches of colors, of unfinished and finished paintings, of tubes of paint scattered on a large wooden table, brushes in pots of various sides tucked in a corner of the table.

His latest painting stood in the middle of the room.

Splashes of grey and brown paint thrown haphazardly on the painting stood in stark contrast with the otherwise black background. It didn't represent anything really. Ace had just poured all his sadness, his hurt and his resignation into it. Now that he looked at it from afar, the splashes looked like angry clouds, spinning violently, so much that they seemed alive. No hint of red, yellow or green lighted the cloud of dark colors. It was as if the viewer was thrown into the eye of a storm, seeing the devastation but staying safe, on the side line. A liveless landscape saved for a lonesome figure in the right corner in the foreground. It stood facing the viewer. It was all grey and black – a tiny splotch of paint looking like a person – save for his eyes which were white, probably unseeing, with tiny red spots littering his black cheeks and chest.

He had painted it Tuesday night, needing to pour his emotions on a canvas. It was liberating, really. Now that he stood in front of it, he was a bit unsettled by the violence of his own feelings. He took it down, hanging it next to some others. He wanted to draw something lighter today. Something hopeful, with a lot of green and yellow. Not necessarily a landscape, maybe just some vague forms or lines.

His other paintings were put away in huge cupboards. Some where full of colors and life; others had a far sadder edge. Some were portraits, of his brothers and of his friends; others were landscapes; there were even abstract paintings.

He opened on of the cupboard to take out a blank canvas . The only one left was on the highest shelf and standing on his tiptoes, he reached out to grab it. He would have to go buy some more soon.

Grasping it with the tip of his fingers, he pulled but it seemed to be stuck. He pulled harder and the canvas flew back, escaping from Ace's grasp. The young man fall back too, landing on his behind harshly.

Papers were falling around him and scattering around in the room. Great. He got on his knees and tried to gather all the drawings to put them back in the cupboards. He stopped short, his eyes widening.

Half-lidded blue eyes were staring heatedly at him from the floor. Oh. The pale expense of a hard chest peeked out from a loose purple shirt. Pants were riding low on narrow hips. Blushing Ace took the drawing and turned it over. But wherever he looked his eyes caught sight of blond hair and blue eyes, small or huge smiles stretching his features, the man in various state of undress, sometimes in the nude.

Quickly, Ace went out, closing the door. He slid to the floor, sighing. He thought he had thrown them away. Or maybe he convinced himself he had. He should have. He should now. He got up and opened the door once again, looking at the scattered pieces of a life that was already over He bent over and gathered them, letting his gaze linger on his model. There were so much drawings. So many different kinds. Anger surged forth. He had thrown it all away. He had done this to them. And Ace still didn't understood. He put the drawings back on the shelf and closed the cupboards. He would throw it away later.

He took the canvas lying on the floor to put it on his easel and a paper fell down. Another drawing. The blond-haired man was sitting on a rock, near the sea. The deep green of the forest contrasted sharply with the clear blue sky. His smile was dazzling. He wore a purple shirt, wide open, beige capri pants and some strappy sandals. His hair was wet and tousled halphazardly. Water seemed to ran down his chest.

Ace had drawn it during their first vacation together. Newgate had lend his boat to Marco and the lovers went on a vacation in the summer. Just the two of them and the sea. It had been so peaceful and so refreshing. Ace put the drawing away with the other. No need to overthink it. He would throw it away someday. Surely. Probably.

Ace shook his head and faced his canvas, squeezing some blue and yellow paint on his palette, taking a brush and deeping the end into the paint.

-o- Letting go -o-

"Portgas-san." The doctor began, looking poised and calm, an edge of sadness in her grey eyes. "Does your family has any history of walking or speech problem ?"

Ace frowned but replied.

"No. I don't think so. I... I never really met my parents so..."

"I understand." The doctor said, sympathy showing in her tone. "Do you have any family, some good friends you can rely on ?"

"Yeah. I have two brothers. But why ?" Ace replied nonplussed.

He was fidgeting in his seat, waiting to know what was wrong with him at last. He didn't like hospital but really, who liked them ? It was as if a huge cloud of sorrow, desperation and death hung over it.

Ace had arrived early and had been exams all morning under the surveillance of this woman, Doctor Lenoir, whose face was getting increasingly closed off as time passed.

"Maybe it would be better to call them now and have them come here."

"What's the matter ? What's wrong with me ?" Ace said, anxiousness seeping in his veins.

"Calm down." She left a pause and then sighed, resuming where she left off. "You've been diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis"

"Sorry, what ?" Ace asked confused. He had never heard of this kind of disease.

"It's a disease that affect your motor neurons and leads the brain to lose the ability to control muscle movement as the motor neurons die."

"What does that mean ? Is it... bad ? Or..."

The doctor was looking at him with a stony face, no feeling permeitting her professional mask. A dreadful feeling seeped in his chest. Why was she looking at him like this ? It must be bad. Really bad.

"Your brain won't be able to initiate any muscle. Your movements as well as your speech and your respiration will be affected." She didn't let her words sink in before resuming. "The rate of survival for this disease is three to five years...But there are medications used to alleviate the pain and – "

The rest was lost on him. He didn't – couldn't, really – hear the doctor's voice anymore. His mind was stuck on a few words. Three to five years ? He would die in three to five years ? People die, it was a fact but at eighty, no ? Ace had now an expiration date, hanging over his head like a sword of Damocles. Up to five years ? He would be thirty. And he would die ? Would he really die ?

It must be a joke. But who would pull this kind of crual stunt ? No one. Only Life would. Wasn't it hard enough ? Had he not suffered enough ? Life needed to be a bitch once again ? Karma was a bitch. Life was a bitch too.

A hollow laugh left him and soon he was shaking with laughter and sobbing uncontrollably.

The doctor closed her mouth, probably knowing that he wasn't listening to a word she said. She was most likely used to announcing things like that to people as her face didn't showed a hint of emotion as he laughed and laughed, sorrow and misery blending in his bitter tears.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And I can't do anything about it. No. It can't happen to me. It's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

"Is it... going to get worse ?" He finally asked, his voice shaking.

"You won't be able to walk anymore. And as the disease progresses you'll have trouble talking." She stopped, emotion finally sipping in her tone before she got herself in check. So doctors where human too after all.

But he didn't need her pity. What was it to her ? She probably told the same thing to a lot of her patients. People tended to die in hospital so what was one more death in her life ? Nothing. But it didn't matter, Ace would not let this sickness drag him down ! He had the will to live ! He had the rage to go on. He would fight !

"And you won't be able to breathe without assistance."

Ace looked up, startled out of his hopes. He wouldn't be able to breath without assistance ...What did that mean? He would die of asphyxiation after losing first his legs and arms and then his ability to speak... He would waste away. Quickly and painfully. In front of his loved ones. But... what if he fought ?

"But there's a medication that can help you with the pain and alleviate the symptoms." The doctor resumed, while taking out a pen and a piece of paper.

Alleviate the symptoms... not cure him. He would die. Even if he fought, huh ? A heart-wrenching sob tore its way out of his mouth.

He got up quickly and dashed out of the room, tears running down his face. He would die. He would leave Luffy alone. He needed to see Sabo. To make him wake up. Luffy needed one of his brother. He couldn't be alone.

The shout of Doctor Lenoir went unheard as he climbed the stairs to Sabo's room.

-o- Letting go -o-

Note: Thank you for reading and see you next chapter !