House was starting to think that worrying about Cameron had become his default state of emotion. He couldn't get her off his mind all day, so much so that his fellows solved the case without any help from him. It's not that they weren't smart enough to solve it, he wouldn't have hired them in that case, but rarely did they reach a diagnosis before him. He'd never admit that it happened today, of course, but it definitely affected him.
His mind just kept drifting back to finding Cameron in such a bad state. He'd always thought she was strong. It was part of the reason why he'd hired her. Why was this having such an impact on her?
So House did what he always did when he needed a sounding board- he went to find someone to talk at. His fellows had gone home and he couldn't find Wilson in his office, the oncology ward or the cafeteria. Even so, he figured Wilson would try and find out who House was talking about, and he had told assured Cameron that no one else would find out. Why this suddenly mattered to him, House didn't know. But for some reason it did. And it was for this reason, whatever it was, that House found himself knocking on the office door of Dr Young, the hospital's consultant psychiatrist.
"Come in." Dr Young said. The look of shock on her face when she looked up and saw House on the other side of the door was a perfect picture. If only House felt it was one he could treasure. Were this visit under different circumstances, perhaps he would do. "Dr House, what can I do for you?" She asked as she expertly schooled her face to hide the shock that had been there moments ago.
"I'm here for a consult." He said, grimacing as he spoke.
"Take a seat."
"Young woman in an abusive relationship was found dissociating. I brought her out of it she had a panic attack."
"Well that's not uncommon, unfortunately."
"It is for her."
"Do you know the patient well?" House nodded. "It can be hard to see someone struggling with symptoms like this. It sounds like she might be re-experiencing the trauma, which I'm sure you know is a hallmark of PTSD. I can't make a diagnosis without meeting her, and there are other symptoms to watch out for – the key ones being avoidance and hyper-arousal. I can have a look in my diary and see if I have an appointment free for her."
"She doesn't need to see you and she doesn't have PTSD." House replied.
"You really care about her, don't you?" Dr Young asked. House was dumbfounded. "You've never come to me for a consult, you have a reputation for never meeting your patients and yet you claim to know this patient well, and you're showing signs of denial only a close friend or family member would show."
One might say you could colour House impressed. He would be the first to admit he didn't have much respect for psychiatry as a discipline. He also had a fairly strong suspicion that the panic attack and dissociation were linked to the trauma of her relationship with that douchebag, and most likely symptoms of PTSD. What he didn't expect, however, was how well Dr Young had been able to read him.
"How do I fix her?"
Dr Young sighed. "There's no quick fix. This is something she'll have to work on over time. But you can be there for her and you can support her when she's struggling. Let her talk if she wants to talk, and give her space when she asks for space. She's probably feeling very isolated right now, she needs to feel like she's not alone without losing her sense of identity and independence."
"So be close but not too close, talk to her but leave her alone." House growled, frustrated by Dr Young's response.
"Listen to her." She replied. "Take things at her pace, not yours. Reassure her that what she's feeling is normal and completely valid."
"You're describing a completely different person here."
"I don't think I am. If you care as much as I think you do about this woman you'll give her all the time she needs."
"This wasn't supposed to happen. She shouldn't be like this. She's too strong to have PTSD." House's anger at Cameron's boyfriend was growing. How dare he do this to her? Leave her so broken and just keep coming back and breaking her over and over again. And why was she still with him? Why did she keep getting herself in this situation?
"Her reactions are completely normal, you know this. Our minds aren't designed to cope with that extreme stress. It doesn't mean she's not strong. Her mind is overwhelmed with stress and survival instincts are kicking in. She's probably not been able to process the memories of the abuse like you would process a normal memory. And the constant terror is adding increasing pressure."
"She needs to get out of this relationship." House concluded, standing up ready to leave the psychiatrist's office.
"It might not be that simple." Dr Young replied, but House was already out of the door.
He passed through the corridors of the hospital as if on autopilot. There was only once place he needed to be and every second that he was not there the unthinkable could be happening. He needed to get to Cameron and convince her to break up with her boyfriend.
After bumping in to a few inconsiderate people who had littered the halls and crossed his important path, House was beginning to lose his temper. His focus was on saving Cameron, could they not see that? Did they not know how important it was that he reached her in time? How could they be so oblivious when there was so much at stake?
The paediatric nurse fetching some crayons and paper for one of her patients was the unlucky fifth person to have temporarily blocked House's path.
"What the hell do you think you're doing you idiot?" He yelled at her, anger from his four previous encounters in the corridor fuelling him. "Are you blind or completely stupid? This cane isn't here as a fashion statement, and I have somewhere way more important to be than with snot nosed kids and whining parents. I suggest you get out of my way before I have your incompetent ass fired!"
The nurse, who was clearly new and unfamiliar with House's ways, started to cry and quickly vacated the corridor.
House breathed a sigh of relief as he continued walking towards the elevator.
"House."
Keep walking.
"House!"
Don't look back. You don't have time for this.
"HOUSE!"
Wilson had heard the incident with the nurse from his office and was quickly approaching House. He knew that Wilson could overtake him with two working legs but House persisted in trying to get to the elevator.
"We need to talk." Wilson eventually said as he passed House and took a stand in front of him, slightly breathless from his run down the corridor.
"Not now, busy." House replied shortly.
"Yes, now. You're not yourself House."
"What? Yelling at people who annoy me is me not being myself? Clearly the last few decades of my life have been a lie."
"You only yell at people when something's upset you." Wilson explained. "I'm your friend. For both your sake and the sake of what's left of the nurses we are going to talk about what's wrong."
House took a second to consider his options. He could give Wilson a few minutes of his time, which could turn into a few hours, or he could go and find Cameron now and face Wilson's wrath later. He much preferred the latter option. He had to get to Cameron, no matter what.
"What's wrong right now is you stopping me from going where I want to go."
"You can't keep on like this. Everyone's noticed you've been more of an ass the last couple of days and I can't stand by and let you spiral out of control."
"I'm not out of control, I am perfectly in control. Just watch as I walk away from you in complete control." House turned on his heel and started to walk away.
House was often, if not always, arguably the smartest person in the room. He knew it, and everyone else knew it. However, for House being smart came hand in hand with being arrogant. No one could be smarter than him, so everyone else must be stupid. This was one of the major flaws in his worldview. It was inconceivable that Wilson could have any idea what was going on for him. This fact brought him some comfort, in light of everything else that was spiralling into disaster around him.
"I know it's about Cameron." Wilson shouted after him.
House saw red.
His only saving grace had been that he made sure no one else knew what was happening to Cameron. He had made a promise to himself that things would stay that way and he was no about to let Wilson ruin that. Shouting about her in the busy hospital corridor was the last thing he needed. So, against all instincts telling him to run to Cameron's rescue, he marched back over to Wilson as fast as his leg would allow and pulled him into a nearby office.
"So I'm right." Wilson commented, looking far too pleased with himself. "Dr Young just called saying you came to her for a consult."
House could tell Wilson was close to the truth, if he hadn't figured it out already.
"She told me you were more concerned for this woman than she would expect from you, and with Cameron not being in today and you clearly liking her more than you're letting on, it's not a far stretch."
"So you put 2 and 2 together and came up with 27?" House scoffed.
"That wasn't a denial."
"It was an acknowledgement that your conclusion is so far fetched it doesn't even justify me denying it."
"If it's not Cameron, then it's either Cuddy or Stacey. They are the only other women you care enough about for something like this to affect you so much." Wilson concluded.
"Keep shooting in the dark. You might hit it eventually, or knock yourself out trying."
A light bulb came on in Wilson's mind. "You're deflecting. You're not denying, you're attacking me because you're uncomfortable. Which means…" He paused, double and triple checking the evidence in his mind supported his conclusion. There could be no possibility he was wrong about this. "It is Cameron!"
Wilson's smug look for figuring out House's secret was soon wiped from his face as a look of concern grew in its place. "Wait, it's Cameron?" He asked.
"Do you really think I'd tell you if it was?" House questioned him. He knew Wilson probably better than the oncologist knew himself. He had to throw him off the trail somehow.
"Yes, you would. You'd be teasing and berating her about it then you'd come and gossip to me."
If only Wilson knew House as well as House knew Wilson.
"You mean, you're just manipulating me? You're getting me all worked up and concerned when Cameron's completely fine? For what? Some sick joke?"
"Does that really shock you?"
"This is a new low House, even for you."
"Have a nice day, Wilson." House plastered on a smile as he left the office. Well, maybe the smile wasn't completely fake. He had successfully hidden the truth from Wilson when it was staring him right in the face. House would always get some satisfaction from that.
He knew he couldn't leave the hospital now though. Wilson was still going to be suspicious. Reluctantly, he decided to stay at work for a few more hours and visit Cameron again that evening.
Those few hours felt like days. House watched the clock and he felt every second tick by. While he would never admit it, his worry for Cameron was seriously distracting his focus. He had missed easy facts in the differential, to the point where Foreman had to pick him up on it.
"Where have you been all day, House?" He asked. "There's clearly something wrong with the guy we're missing. What's his potassium?"
"Low" Chase replied. "But not worryingly. Are we back to alcoholism?"
"It explains all his other symptoms."
"And the lack of alcohol in his blood?"
Hose zoned out again. His fellows had been back and forth with the same few ideas for what felt like hours.
"House!" Chase shouted. "Are you even paying attention?"
"I usually choose not to. Why waste my time listening to you two idiots?"
"Do you know what's wrong with him?"
House didn't say anything.
"House, if you know something and don't tell us…" Foreman started.
"You'll do what? Go to Cuddy?" House snapped. "Do you really think I would let you two flap around like headless chickens if I knew what was wrong with the guy? I just can't think when you're both going in the same circle getting nowhere."
House stormed out, leaving Foreman and Chase to continue their differential alone.
Try as he might, even without his team annoying him House could not keep focussed on the case. His mind was taken over with thoughts of Cameron being hurt while he was stuck at work, or reliving her boyfriend's abuse on a loop in her mind.
He thought back to what Dr Young had said about him being in denial. House knew the facts. He knew what was happening. Maybe that's why it was so difficult for him to accept. He knew the truth but the truth hurt. It hurt more than anything. More than Stacey, more than his bastard father, more than his leg. It was all he could do to keep face for the men sitting in the next room, not wanting to let on that he was worried for risk of exposing Cameron's secret.
He watched as the hands on the clock finally hit 5pm. Without a word to the men in the next room, House gathered his cane and leather jacket and left the office. He reached his bike in almost record time. Mounting the bike, he had nothing but his destination in mind. It was as if he was riding completely on autopilot. He didn't stop at the stop signs and he got beeped at by a few angry motorists but these details barely registered in his mind.
House had finally reached Cameron's front door. Remembering how scared she had been the last time he was here, he thought it best not to knock. Instead, House pulled out his copy of her key and let himself in.
Just as he was turning the key in the lock, House felt a pang of anxiety. What had he missed? Why was he so worried? House noticed every small detail, things that everyone else would just pass off. These details were almost always important and definitely worth paying attention to.
As much as his mind was screaming at him to stop and assess the situation for just a few more seconds, he wasn't able to stop himself from turning the key until the lock clicked. He gently pushed the door open.
There were sounds going from the kitchen. Pans clanking and water running. And voices. One was Cameron's; that he was certain of. But the other…
The voices went quiet when they registered the front door had been opened.
House braced himself for whatever onslaught was coming his way, while a part of his mind mentally catalogued everything he could remember about the walk from his bike to Cameron's front door.
The car!
He had seen her boyfriend's car outside.
Only House had realised this just a few seconds too late, as the man in question stepped out of the kitchen and laid eyes on him.
"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in our house?"