Chapter 13: Be Still My Weakened Heart

A/N: Hello everyone ! First I must apoligize for the long wait. This chapter nearly took me five months to write and I'm really sorry about that. Here is why because I feel like I owe you an explanation. You can skip it if you want and go read the chapter, I wouldn't be offended, you waited for it long enough x)

So, I wasn't really feeling okay in February-March, I had a lot of deadlines related to school ( as I was in my third year of university), a lot of pressure because I didn't know where I would go next year as it would be my first year of master. I attempted some competitive exams ( Sciences Po for those who know what it is, and for those who don't, the exam is really hard) and I was really stressed out. I just didn't feel like writting, it was like pulling teeth so I decided to wait a bit ( which turned into four months). I had my last exams mid-May and then I had to wait to know the results, to know if I had my Licence and then I had to do a lot of paperworks to candidate for different Masters, not knowing if I would be accepted. Starting June I finally had some results and got accepted into Sciences Po. Less stressed because I finally knew where I would go, I needed to go back to writting but after three months it was hard, I had lost my love for this ship and this story, chapter 13 didn't interested me anymore but I just couldn't not write it because I swore to myself I wouldn't leave it unfinished. Even writting something unrelated to this was hard. A friend of mine helped me get into the mood again ( Thank you Wonderful-Vanilla-Ice-Cream, I appreciate your sweet way of making me write again( which was to write porn... I posted an OS for a Supernatural ship because of her x) )

So after a few attempts I erased everything I had written for chapter 13 and started over. Then, June and July flew by and here it is, at last, I hope it's good enough, let me know what you think about it and once again, I'm deeply sorry for the wait and hope you'll continue to read this story * bow * and I'm really grateful to all of you who reviewed when chapter 12 was released and those who reviewed after, even if I hadn't updated in a long while. Thank you so much, your reviews warmed my heart and made me notice that people are actually waiting for the damn end of this thing ! So I'll give myself a kick in the ass and hope that it will go well from then on.

Unbeta-ed, feel free to point out any mistakes, any inconsistencies or any plot hole !

Chapter 13: Be Still My Weakened Heart

"I'm leaving !" Ace shouted banging the door of his appartement shut.

Running down the stairs, he didn't notice the empty can of soda in his path and nearly fell upon walking on it. He gripped the railing tightly, cursing loudly before stomping down the stairs at a more sedated pace. The door of his appartement suddenly flew open and Luffy got out looking mad.

"I'm just worried ! Worried ! Can't you just ..."

The rest of his words didn't reach Ace's ears as he was already too far below. He walked a few blocks away hurriedly, in case his brother decided to follow him, before stopping at a corner and leaning against a wall. Snowflakes were falling down on him steadily and he cursed his thoughtlessness. He had once again forgotten his coat when he had stormed out of the appartement. A coat and proper winter shoes... His sneakers were already soaked as the streets were covered in white powder. Shivering Ace looked down and sighed. Putting his hands in his pockets he decided to walk around a bit. Not to calm down, his anger had just been a pretense to leave the appartement. No, he needed to walk to think. Luffy was worried because Ace had been acting weird since coming back from Dadan a week ago. Ace never took weeks off of work out of the blue to laze around at home. That was bound to raise some questions even if Luffy wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Besides, Ace's own attitude had somehow changed and Luffy was likely to notice. And he had for sure or else he wouldn't have tried to confront Ace about it.

The elder brother could pinpoint the things that had changed. He was a bit on edge, somehow snappy, he seldom cook with a kitchen knife anymore, not willing to drop it, he didn't want to wrestle as much and had dropped painting altogether. That sure made Luffy suspicious and he was right to be. It was the reason why Ace couldn't be angry at his brother. What for anyway ? Because Luffy was worried ? In his stead, if Luffy was hidding things from him, Ace would be worse, he knew that. Still, telling Luffy wasn't an option and running from the confrontation his brother desperately seemed to want was the right choice in Ace's opinion.

The young man kept on walking for a while, not wanting to go back home and, as his meeting with Dr Lenoir was drawing near, he decided to go to the hospital right now. He hastened his pace, teeth chattering from the cold.

- Letting go -

His meeting had been uneventeful. His vitals were normal, his disease wasn't progressing much which was normal, if he felt a bit more tired than usual it was a side effect of the medication, completly normal, and if he felt slight aches in his muscles there was nothing to worry about either, it was totally normal. Normal. Ace came to hate this word with a passion. Nothing was freaking normal anymore ! He left Dr Lenoir's office slightly on edge and fuming, feeling incredibly frustrated. How could she explain all of this with a straight face ? He hated her. She was such an emotioneless shrew. Grumbling all the way down the stairs he was about to leave when a nurse called out to him.

"Hi, Mr Portgas !" She greeted him with a smile. "Back from visiting your brother ? It's nice to see you're so dedicated !"

Ace was left speechless. Why did this nurse assumed he was here for Sabo ? He hadn't even thought about going to see his brother. Couldn't he come to the hospital because he was sick ? Why did people worry about Sabo and not about what could be wrong with him ? Closing his eyes to calm down, he breathed deeply.

"Actually, I forgot my coat there. I'll go fetch it." And he turned around without saying anything. He needed to cool it. He was frustrated and angry at his disease, he shouldn't take it out on bystanders.

Opening the door of room 431, he was met with the same white room as usual, depressing as ever. Heavy snow was now falling from the sky and it was cold even inside. The windows were dirty, spotted with dry rain drops no one cared to wipe. Breathe in, breathe out. Clear your mind.

"Hi Sabo." He began awkwardly. He hadn't meant to see Sabo. He wasn't in the right mindset, he felt frustrated and maybe a bit angry at his brother for leaving him to fend everything by himself.

Nurses and patients chatting in the corridor could be heard through the door. It created a low hum in the background. More distincly, the sound of Sabo's heart monitor, strong and steady, sounded throughout the room, filling the silence with noise.

"Do you remember when we were children, we used to love snow. We would throw snowballs at each others all day long. We even attempted to build an igloo once. Which fell on Luffy if I remember correctly. We used to build snowmen too. Well, Luffy build "snowmeat", as he called it but well... it's our little brother we're talking about.. I enjoyed those years."

Talking about his past was somehow cathartic. It brought Ace back to better times, it gave him a much needed feeling of peacefulness. Back then, the brothers were there for each other. They were united and closely knit.

"We were carefree. It was nice. Chasing after bears and boars, running away from Dadan because we had stolen food, not caring about living expense or adult things."

Discarding his wet jacket, Ace took a seat on a plastic chair next to his brother's bed. As he began to card his fingers through Sabo's long hair he realized it had gotten quite long. He should ask a nurse if he could cut it; long hair didn't suit his brother.

"It was really nice." He said again.

Smiling despite not really feeling like it, Ace looked at Sabo, really looked at him, taking in the changes that occured during his coma. It was hard, the brother on the bed wasn't really his brother anymore. The man lying on the bed had a gaunt face, his skin was pale, his hair was yellowish instead of its usual honey blond, his hospital gown was too big on his thin frame. He wasn't the same person Ace remembered and still, when the dark-haired man looked at him, he could, in a way, imagine his brother's bright smile, hear his laugh and could nearly smell the girly cherry shampoo he used. It made his heart ache and hammered his loss even deeper.

"I prefer summer, snow is too cold. We would spend all our summer in our tree house, hardly bathing or changing clothes. We were savages back then." A snicker escaped his mouth. "You were the one who would push Luffy and me in the river because we smelt bad. I remember throwing pieces of wood at Garp when he would come to visit. He's alright by the way. Alive and kicking, still in the Marines. I don't know where he is right now though. He's old, he should quit but... you know how he is." The young man went on, gazing at his brother with melancholy.

He was alone, sad, tired and incredibly confused. Making his will had messed him up more than he thought it would. After seeing Dadan he had decided to do things in the right order and settle everything before the inevitable. He had felt confident. He knew he had to do this. So why did he felt so lost and empty now ? It had brought home his condition. It had made him aware that he was lying to everyone. That he was alone in this sinking ship and that he would sink with it. It was painful. His mind was running in circles. He didn't know what do to, what to think and even what to expect. Sometimes he woke up feeling energetic just to have it crashing down around him as he would drop a plate or fall. At others, he felt tired and he would lie in bed, his mind brewing over details, wondering how long he had left or if the aches he felt in his legs were normal or just the effect of his disease.

"I'm glad we were all able to live under the same roof, even as adults. I would have missed you both too much... I ... I miss you now." He whispered brokenly, a sad little smile stretching his lips.

He felt miserable. All those lies, all those things that he hide... it haunted him relentlessly. He wasn't alright. At all. He needed someone to see it. But no one saw anything. Because they probably didn't care. Talking to his brother used to bring him this necessary comfort that others were unable to give but he had realised today that speaking to this empty shell was no use. Nothing good would come out of it. But he needed to do it nonetheless.

"I should probably tell you everything. You never liked being kept in the dark. The doctors say that there's a possibility you're hearing what I'm saying. So well, if you do, I just ... I talked to Dadan a few days ago and you deserve to know what's going on too. And maybe, talking to you will help me feel better ?" Ace asked, not really believing his own words.

His brother was in coma, no magic remedy would come out of his little chat. Not that there was any remedy anyway.

- Letting go -

The coffee machine had been replaced last week with another model, which could make you a wonderful lukewarm coffee which tasted like... mud... It had taken nearly a week to replace it and they had gotten this ? How poor was this hospital, really, if it couldn't even afford to keep its doctors and nurses alive through shots of caffeine ? After receiving loads of complaints, the director had decided to invest in something better but the new machine had yet to arrive. If Law had to wait another day to drink real coffee, he would riot. Or coerced his coworkers into riotting while he drank a coffee from the cafe near the hospital. That was smarter.

Since New Year, days stretched ever so slowly, sucking Law's energy out of his body. It was only the 12th of January and he felt as if it was already mid-March. He should take some vacations. Furthermore, he felt incredibly frustrated. His time with Luffy had drastically decreased. Two weeks of hellish schedules, pulling all nighters left and right, sleeping only a few hours to go back to the hospital soon after, not even being able to sleep next to his lover as the young man still lived with his brother, vastly contributed to Law's dark mood. He needed his lover; this situation couldn't go on any longer or Law would explode and go on a killing spree. He would spend some time with Luffy even if he had to call him right now and corner him in a closet to have his way with his lover. Now that he thought about it, it wasn't such a bad idea. He loved the idea of taking his lover in the broom closet, reminding Luffy of being quiet so as not to get caught...

Shaking his head, Law berated himself for being such a pervert. No need to act like a horny teenager because he hadn't seen his lover in way too long. But what could he say ? It was Luffy's fault, he was too addictive for his own good... Every expressions on his face, the way he closed his eyes and scrunched his nose when Law pleasured him, his wanton cries of pleasure when Law entered him and set a hard pace and his cry of ecstasy as he was brought to his climax... It was as if he begged to be eaten alive and Law wasn't saint enough to refuse such a thing.

Shit, now the surgeon was half-hard in the middle of the breakroom. Calm down. Think of Shachi and Bepo in skimpy swimsuits. Still, it wasn't enough to make the delicious image of Luffy sandwiched between Law and the wall of the broom closet go away. Law groaned and let his head fall on the table next to his cup of coffee. Great. Just great. Well, think about Shachi waxing Bepo's back. That sounded disgusting enough and he shuddered just thinking about it.

"Are you sick ?" A voice asked behind him startling him.

He turned around coming face to face with Dr Dorothea Lenoir. She was smiling at him, a slightly worried expression on her face. Honey blond hair framed her face stylishly, the color bringing out the spreckle of green in her grey eyes. She was heading on her fifties and yet she didn't have much wrinkles.

"No." Law replied a bit too harshly. "Just tired. And a bit short-tempered." He added as a way to apoligize for his curtness.

She nodded with a smile, patting his shoulder before moving to the coffee machine.

"Oh God !" She moaned seeing that the coffee machine had yet to be replaced. "I was hoping for a miracle..."

Law snorted as Dorothea reached for her cup of coffee. "I'm ready to riot." He said.

"Me too." She laughed, smiling brightly at him and taking a seat in front of him and sipping her drink. "Oh would you be so kind as to reach for sugar ? It's right behind you."

Law nodded.

"Thank you. This coffee is absolutely disgusting."

"Tell me about it..." Law sighed. "I should have brought some tea. At least it wouldn't have tasted just like hot water."

"It's hot water with leaves. Tea is so blend, it's like drinking water." Dorothea argued.

"Coffee is water with beans so..."

"It's not the same. Tea is just disgusting. But I don't mind you drinking it, as long as you don't try to convert me to your dubious choice." She added playfully.

Dorothea was really nice to talk to. She put Law at ease and made it easy to chat with her despite Law's antisocial tendancy.

"Then I'll refrain from trying to poison you." He said, smirking and making Dorothea grin.

They kept on chatting for a while, talking about everything and nothing, enjoying this little respite as neither of them had easy weeks.

"Law !" Shachi cried out as he entered the room looking tired. "I've been searching for you for hours !" He complained, making his way to the coffee machine and greeting Dorothea.

The surgeon looked at his watch and raised one of his eybrow disbelievingly.

"We saw each other fifty minutes ago." He stated.

"That's not my point !" Shachi cried out. "I needed you to save me ! Caesar cornered me and made me accompany him on his rounds because Monet is sick ! It was awful ! I thought I was going to die ! How could you do this to me ?!"

Law levelled a blend look at him and went back to his conversation with Dorothea without aknowledging the drama queen he called his friend. Dr Lenoir giggled but said nothing on the matter.

"You're dead to me !" Shachi exclaimed, flopping in the seat next to Law.

"Great. I won't have to hear you complaining then." He replied matter of factly.

His friend glared at him but didn't reply. Fighting with Law wasn't worth it. He would get back to him in another way.

"Well, then, I must take my leave, I've got an appointment in five minutes." Dorothea apoligized, standing up.

Law nodded and stood up too as he needed to get back to work himself. They left the room side by side, walking next to each other when suddenly Law remembered he meant to ask her something.

"I know you're not at liberty to discuss any patient related things with me..." He began uneasily. "But I saw Ace exiting your office a few days ago... and it wasn't the first time. I'm kinda... seeing a pattern there..."

Frowning, she nearly stopped in the middle of the corridor, visibly bothered by his question.

"I'm sorry Law, but you know I can't tell you anything." She replied finally, her features carefully blank, not giving anything.

Seeing Ace going in and out of her office so often was worrying... It wasn't a one time occurence, it was weekly. Something was going on and Ace was probably sick.

"I know, but I'm worried." He argued, looking at her with what he hoped was pleading eyes but would look like his usual expression. He wasn't really an expressive person.

"I understand but as you said, I'm not at liberty to discuss anything related to my patients. Especially with family members without their consent."

Sighing, Law nodded and decided to back down for now.

"I know. I'm sorry. If it's serious can you at least tell him to talk to his brother ?" He asked.

Dorothea shook her head.

"It's not my prerogative. Well, have a nice day Law !" She said as she opened the door to her office, leaving Law to his thoughts.

Well, plan A had been a bust. At least, now he knew that Ace was Dorothea's patient, otherwise she would have hinted at it or let it slip up. Time for plan B, Law thought strolling through the corridors of the hospital.

"Bepo." He drawled upon seeing the man who would be able to help him carry out his plan. "Just the person I wanted to see."

- Letting go -

"Let's start with the beginning shall we ?" Ace mocked asked, trying to joke so as to diffuse the heavy feeling that had settled in his guts.

"Back in … November I guess, I was feeling somewhat tired and my limbs were heavy. I decided to check and go to the hospital, I thought it was something like lack of sugar in my blood. After all, going to the hospital was like coming to see you so it wasn't a bother."

He couldn't have foreseen that upon entering Dr Lenoir's office his life would be completly levelled.

"I learnt there that I had a disease. And then... well then you saw what happened as I rushed here. And I told you about the bastard. Anyway. This disease of mine is kinda... serious."

He said after a little while, putting it mildly. He still didn't have the courage to come clean. Not that he had come clean to a lot of people he thought bitterly; Luffy was still in the dark and he would stay there as long as Ace could keep his mouth shut. Dadan knew but she wouldn't tell a soul. He was glad he told her. She would explain everything to Luffy in case he or Sabo couldn't. As for Brook well... He wouldn't tell anyone either. It was his job.

Thinking back on his decision, Ace had thought that he didn't have a choice but to go see a notary. That it was something he needed to take care of. His will. It had seemed like a good idea. Now it just felt like one more step leading him to his death. As if he was, little by little accepting it. But he wasn't. On the surface maybe. In reality only a tiny bit of himself was busy living and pretending that everything was alright when the rest, buried inside himself was screaming its lungs out at how unfair it was. Why him ? Why now ? Why not someone else ? Did he deserve it ? Because he was the spawn of a demon ? Because no one really cared about him ? Because karma was fed up with him ? Fucking why ?

"So afterwards things go a little harder..." He trailed off, not willing to dive into the core of his problem. "You would have kicked my ass... I messed things up with Kid... I was just trying to make things easier on him ! Or... maybe I'm just saying that to feel less guilty... I mean, Izo told me that Kid had feelings for me. You probably knew. Anyway,... I ... explained to him that nothing would ever happen between us and left it at that. I think there would have been better ways but... I was messed up. And he deserved to know – I couldn't let him hope... It destroyed our friendship. It hasn't been the same since then... He's cold now and... I know why but..."

But it's one more person who's leaving you behind, his mind supplied bitterly.

That was probably why Ace didn't seek his friend out. In a way he ressented the way he was treated afterwards. Wasn't he worthy of being Kid's friend even if he couldn't be his lover ?

"Well, either way, he decided to foresake our friendship so it doesn't matter. As things were getting worse I felt more guilty. You can probably imagine that I don't want to tell Luffy. You wouldn't either... I guess. It's a heavy secret, being sick without anyone noticing."

Maybe deep down, he needed someone to discover it so that finally people would see he wasn't alright. Sabo would have seen.

"I felt guilty, miserable and lost. And there was no one I could lean on." Not even you, he didn't say it but the silence that followed implied it clearly. Not even his own brother was there for him.

Ace clenched his fist and looked out the window, gritting his teeth in anger. Why wasn't there anyone to help him when he needed them ? He helped everyone out. He was there when his friends weren't alright, when they needed help, when they were sad, angry, at a loss. Being diagnosized as sick and even as dying, had been a blow. He had thought in his youthful naiveness that Death was still far awat. Now it all came crashing down around him. In the blink of an eye he came face to face with his own mortality. And nobody was by his side to help him or even to hear him out.

"I went to see Dadan and told her everything. I needed someone to listen to me I guess. And she did. She was there !" He said his voice quivering but raising slightly. "People around me... they don't care, they don't even notice that something is amiss, they all think it's about Marco !" He spat. "But I don't care about his sorry ass ! I have other problems ! Luffy is getting taken advantage of, you are in a coma, I can't work anymore and I'll have to sell my shop, a piece of my life, which by the way is hanging by a fucking thread ! And all people do is standing idle beside me, thinking that everything is fine and dandy when it's not fucking fine ! Nothing can be fine anymore ! Because I'm fucking dying ! I have to burry my dreams because I'm fucking sick ! And you're fucking sleeping when I'm dying !" He lashed out, his frustration finally getting the better of him. "You're sleeping on this bed, unconcerned and peaceful when I need you ! How can you just lay there when everything's going to shit in my life ?!" He screamed, heart beating wildly, his breath coming out in short pants. "I've always been there for you !"

He was fuming. He suddenly felt so mad, this entire week of frustration, topped by his meeting with his doctor bubbling into this one moment of anger.

"I have to wake up every morning without knowing if I'll be able to get up ! I have to put on a smile when all I went to do is scream and break things ! I have to pretend that I don't know my time is nearly up ! Do you know what it feels like ? Can you even imagine ? Do you realize how hard this is on me and all you do is sleep ?!"

Ace had gotten up in his anger and was now pacing the room furiously, waving his hands wildly. He was blind and deaf to everything around him, only hearing his own heart beating faster and faster, thumping eratically in his chest.

"How can you even be called a Brother ?!" he bellowed at his wits end, his face red, his eyes glaring at the still form of his brother lying in the white bed.

That's when he was shoved to the side by a nurse looking panicked that he realized the annoying biping sound he had been hearing for a while getting crazier and crazier was his brother's heart monitor. Nurses rushed inside the room.

"Give him CPR !"

"He's not reacting to it !"

"Paddles !"

"Charged !"

"Clear !"

- Letting go -

"Bepo." Law started. "Just the person I wanted to see. I need your help with something but you'll need to be discreet."

Before Law could say anything else a nurse bumped into him upon turning in the corridor, didn't bother apoligizing and went on her way, several others running after her.

"What's happening ?" He asked one of them.

"Patient room 431 is in cardiac arrest !" She screamed as she continued to run.

"Room 431 ?" Law mused, thinking that it sounded familiar.

Shrugging he went on his way, followed by Bepo.

"As I was saying before being interrupted, I need your help. I need you to go inside Dr Lenoir's office to check... Why are you looking at me like that ?" He asked a nervous looking Bepo.

"Sorry." The man stuttered, looking down. "It's just the room number 431, It's Sabo's, Luffy's brother... Sorry"

Law looked at him wide eyed before understanding dawned on him and he rushed after the nurses. Sabo's room ? What the heck was wrong with a comatose patient ?

Tthe first thing he witnessed upon arriving on the threshold of the room was the swarm of nurses trying to make the young man's heart start again. They bustled around the bed, shouting instructions at each other, paddles in the hand of a doctor Law knew was skilled.

A flash of blond hair in a corner of the room drew his gaze to a scene he hadn't yet seen, his eyes having not strayed from the events unfolding in front of him. A blond-haired nurse was trying to prevent a terrified looking Ace from getting closer to his brother.

" Rosa ! Get him out of here !" The doctor cried out as Ace got closer to the bed, bumping into one of the nurse.

Rosa grabbed the young man arm and tried to stear him clear of the room but Ace wouldn't budge, his eyes drawn to his brother's body.

"Sabo..." He murmured.

"Please, come with me. You need to leave the room so the doctor and nurses can help him." Rosa nearly pleaded. Seeing that Ace wouldn't budge she added "You'll end up disturbing them, you have to leave now."

Ace frozed, his gaze locked on the nurse, eyebrows furrowed in anguish, mouth hanging open. Not struggling anymore and even looking hagard, he let himself be led out of the room, helplessness written all over his face.

Law let them pass by him, Ace not even glancing at him, face aghast and looking down. Standing outside the room so as not to disturb the medics at work, Law waited with batted breath to know if Sabo was gonna make it. It was strange that the young man had a heartattack so suddenly. His vitals had been stable and there had been no sign of any waking up or worsening of his condition... Law guessed it had something do to with Ace's presence in the room. Sometimes, patients in coma responded to outside stimulations, understanding what was going on out there... Maybe Ace had told his brother something that had triggered his heart attack. Something serious... such as why he was seeing Dorothea... there was something definitely fishy about this...

"Clear !"

Law's attention got back to the scene at end, hoping that Sabo would make it. He didn't know him personnaly but he could only imagine the damage it would do on Luffy... Still, the surgeon couldn't push the doctor aside and do it himself.

"One more time !"

"Charged !"

The noise of the machine trying to bring Sabo back to life was defeaning even in the crowded room.

"Clear !"

- Letting go -

"How is he ?" Law asked upon entering the room the nurse Rosa had taken Ace to.

The scene greeting his eyes was enough to answer his question. Ace was sitting on a chair, unmoving and unresponsive, incredibly pale, his eyes unfocused.

The nurse was beside Ace, a bag in her hand, trying to reassure him, pushing a cup of tea in his hand. The young man didn't make a move to take it, in fact, he didn't even seem to really notice what was happening around him, his eyes downcast and vacant.

"He had a panic attack." Rosa murmured getting up and approaching Law, keeping her voice low so as to not startle Ace. "Upon getting him out of the room, his breathing became eratic so I made him breathe in a bag. And then, he froze. He's totally listless. I don't know what happened in there but it shocked him deeply..."

Law nodded in thanks and got closer, kneeling next to the chair. Taking Ace's hand in his own, he checked the young man's pulse and found it still uneven and a bit fast.

"I'll take it from here." Law informed her matter of factly, without looking her way.

Rosa seemed to hesitate before nodding.

"I'll let you to him then, I heard you knew him. I tried to reach his emergency contact but the number is that of the young man in coma..."

"I've already called his brother." Law replied, not willing to developp on his "relationship" with Ace. It was none of her business.

Focusing his attention on the young man, he tried to find the words to get him out of his shocked state but found himself short for words. The minutes ticked by, both men not saying anything. It was a first really. Usually, Ace would insult Law or at least glare at him. Maybe talking to Ace about his brother would do the trick. After all, patient who had had panic attacks needed to be grounded.

"Ace" He began, his voice soft. "Luffy will be here in a minute, come on." He said gently, coaxing Ace to react. Hearing his brother's name seemed to have some effect as Ace rose his head slightly, still listless but no longer staring at the ground.

"We'll wait for him downstairs. Will you get up to see him ?"

Ace raised his head to stare at him, opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"Come on, Luffy will be waiting for us. He wanted to go to the supermarket with you. He said you were going to make hamburgers tonight. With french fries. Because he loves them." Law said, trying to make Ace come back to his senses by simply talking to him about unimportant things. "And tomorrow, Luffy said he wanted to eat sausages. Without vegetables."

Ace's eyes began to clear up and he was slowly getting out of his catatonic state. He focused his attention on Law's words, his breathing stuttering before becoming more even.

"And then, Luffy told me he would go to the aquarium tomorrow with Chopper. You could go with them."

A shuddering breath escaped Ace and he closed his eyes, the corner of his mouth pulling downwards.

"How... How is he ?" He rasped out, finally conscient enough to talk even though despair was driping from his words.

"Stable." Law replied right away, knowing that Ace wanted to know what happened to Sabo. "The doctor was able to make his heart start again." Law had stayed in the room till the end, wanting to know what the fate of his lover's brother would be and he had felt immensly relieved at hearing Sabo's heart beat steadily again.

Ace hugged himself at those words, looking down and letting his bangs hide his eyes. After a long silence that Law didn't want to break, Ace's voice echoed in the empty room, hoarse and broken.

"It's my fault. It's all my fault."

He didn't utter another word and Law didn't ask him anything else.

"Come on, Luffy is waiting downstairs." Ace didn't nod but when Law got up he followed suit.

- Letting go -

He could hear them talk from the front seats of the car. It was somehow muted, as if he was under water but he could understand them. He wasn't as lost in his own mind as before.

Luffy had hugged him tight as soon as he had arrived in the hall of the hopsital but Ace had been unable to respond to it. How could he when he had put his own brother's life in jepoardy ? Still, the young man had smiled at him, leading him to the car with a small smile on his face. Which had somehow fallen when Law had began explaining what caused Ace's distress.

"Sabo is stable for now. His life is out of danger but the doctor was unable to come up with what caused this sudden heart attack."

Ace caught the glance Law threw at him in the rearview mirror. He turned his head to watch the landscape passing before his eyes. Law knew it was his fault. He hadn't told anything to Luffy but he should have... Ace was such a heartless bastard. He couldn't help but think about his words. " You don't deserve to be called a brother." What kind of douchebag said this things ? There were some things that shouldn't be said. Ace had been unfair and incredibly selfish. And stupid. Frustrated tears threatened to spill down his cheeks but he didn't fell the right to cry after what he did.

He was slowly led out of the car and in no time was sitting in something plushy and comfortable, a hot mug in his hands.

He had harmed his own brother. He had... he had... nearly made him die !

How could he do something like that ? He was a demon. Those people back then were right. He was the son of a demon, a demon himself. He brought misfortune to those who came close to him. But he didn't want that ! He had never wanted Sabo to die ! Still, it had nearly happened.

"Ace..." the voice of Luffy, somehow subdued and quiet reached his ears.

Don't speak like that. I hurt you too, didn't I ? I'm a monster. I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry." Ace whispered, not daring to look his brother in the eyes, not willing to see the dissapointment in Luffy's eyes, even if he deserved his brother's loathing for what he had done.

"I'm sorry." He said again, a bit louder.

Luffy shushed him, hugging him with strengh.

"It's alright. Don't apologize silly."

It wasn't. It couldn't. He had nearly killed Sabo out of selfishness. He deserved Luffy's hatred.

"I'm sorry." He chocked, repressed sobs shaking his frame. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, It's okay. Don't apoligize."

"Forgive him." Law said suddenly, sitting on the couch opposite the brothers.

"What ?" Luffy protested a bit angrily. "But it's not his fault !"

"I know." Law said, making a placating gesture with his hands. "But he needs to hear it. Trust me. He needs it to forgive himself." Whatever he did... and it seems serious, Law added in his mind. He couldn't talk about what he had learnt today to Luffy, his younger lover was already distressed enough.

Luffy frowned slightly but did as he was told. Law was a doctor. He knew what he was doing.

"I forgive you Ace. It's okay, I forgive you."

Thick tears fell from Ace's eyes and he cried his heart and his anguish out.

"I'm... sorry Lu. I'm so – so ...sorry." He chocked, his words interspersed by his sobs.

"I forgive you Ace." His brother repeated, confusion showing on his face at seeing his brother break down in such a way. He looked at Law to get some direction but his lover only nodded at him, signifying him that he was doing the right thing.

"I'm s – sor – sorry." Ace whispered, his eyes closing as he fell into a restless sleep, feeling drained and incredibly tired.

Luffy stayed next to his brother for a while, running his fingers through his hair gently, making sure that Ace was sleeping.

"It's good. He needs to sleep. He went through a lot today." Law explained to Luffy so as to placate the young man's worries. Or at least to tone them down a bit.

"Yeah." Luffy murmured, smile all but forgotten as he looked at his troubled brother. "Thank you Law."

He raised his head to glance at his lover and a small, mirthless smile plastered on his face, eyes clouded with concern.

"Luffy..." Law whispered sadly at seeing his lover's expression. "Come, let's put your brother to bed. He needs his rest."

The young man nodded and detangled himself from his brother to help Law carry Ace to his bedroom. They tucked him in and went to Luffy's bedroom. Law was distressed, not really knowing what he should say to chase the wretched look off of his lover's face.

"It's alright Lu, they're gonna be fine. Both of them." He began clumsily.

Luffy didn't answer but hid his face in his lover's shirt, hugging him. Law picked him up and they both sat on the bed, Luffy tucked firmly in Law's arms. The surgeon ran a soothing hand down his lover's back, whispering reassurances all along. Soon, his shirt became wet with his Luffy's tears but not a sound escaped the young man. It was his turn to stay strong. Respecting his lover's wish to remain quiet, Law didn't say a thing, staying quiet and being a silent comforting presence. Still, deep down he was seething at Ace's attitude. The man dared hide things from them and he expected them to be there when things turned south ? That selfish little bastard. Law had never seen his lover cry. Silently at that.

All the business with Dr Lenoir was fishy and the surgeon vowed to get to the bottom of it, not really for Ace's sake as the man was being a moron, but for Luffy. The older man wouldn't stay iddle when his lover was suffering like this. He would discover what was wrong even if he had to bend the rules in the process.

Having set his thoughts straight, he processed to undress the both of them and tucked them in, wrapping his arms protectively around his lover's thin frame.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter ! Feel free to point out any mistakes, any inconsistencies or any plot hole ! See you next chapter !