Hi ! Thank you for your kind reviews and kudos you're all awesome ! I'm glad that last chapter was so well received even if your heart broke into tiny pieces, here is some glue so you can mend it back together. Be warned that it might not be enough for what's to come ^^ I feel like a BDSM master handing out dose of pain to my masochistic readers x) x) So here's your dose, enjoy ;)

PS: Sorry for the wait, those chapters are really hard to write because there are so many emotions that I try to write right, it's not easy. I have to dose my drama to stick to reality and it's proven rather hard to do. I hope this chapter is alright though ! Feel free to let me know what you thought of it ! :D

I'm sorry for writting so slowly but real life is a bit hectic and my beta is also having some problems so I apologize for both of us. Hope you're still on the ride with us ! :D

NB: Here's a little writer tip: if you're stuck, change POV, it does wonder !

Beta-ed by the wonderful TigerMii ! Thank you so much for taking the time to beta it ;*

Chapter 14: Hopelessly

He didn't deserve to live. He should be dead. He shouldn't even have been born. His entire existence was bad luck. He was cursed and cursed the people he loved. It was his fault. All of this was his fault. If he hadn't lashed out at his unconscious brother, if he hadn't been so selfish, if he had seen the bigger picture and not only cared about himself, none of this would have happened. It was his fault. He knew it. Luffy knew it. Everyone would. They would hate him. Because he was a monster capable of hurting his own brother. Because he was selfish and because he was cruel.

Ace couldn't sleep any longer, thoughts and feelings whirling in his mind. He had been awoken by a vicious nightmare, leaving him cold and terrified. He didn't remember what it had been about but the fear and despair were real. He could still feel a deep ache in his chest. That's when the events of earlier that day caught up to him. And since then, he had been sitting in the dark on his bed, rocking back and forth, tears spilling from his eyes, sobs shaking his frame. Guilt-ridden.

It was his fault. He had caused Sabo's heart attack. He had told his injured brother that he wasn't his brother any longer because he was unconscious. What kind of human being was capable of doing that ? Him. But he was a monster, no longer a human being. He didn't deserve the curtesy.

As time passed by, he couldn't find himself any excuse. He was trash. Scum. He had hurt the people he cared most about. His brothers. All because he felt slightly anxious. A self-depreciating laugh escaped him, interrupted by violent coughing. Why did he even exist if it was to hurt people ? Was that why he was on Earth ? To bring misery and heartache ? Because it was what he did best. Kid, his brothers, Dadan and even Marco, somehow. The world would be better off without him. No one would even notice he was gone, except maybe when their bad luck would vanish. But even then, they wouldn't care. After all, he was a monster. Maybe, just maybe, Luffy would be better off without him ? He had Law now. He had his friends. He could live on. People die every day and their loved ones go on with their lives. Luffy would. He would be happier. No one to lie to him all the time, to worry him about unimportant diseases, to be a weight throughout his life. Luffy would hang on. He was a fighter. But Ace was done fighting. He had tried. His whole life was a fight. Surviving his childhood with bandits, not receiving the love he thought he deserved and now knew wasn't for him, going to school, fighting bullies, fighting because of who his father was, fighting to be his own man, to become someone on his own, without the shadow of this man hanging behind his shoulder. He had tried everything to have his "father" removed from his birth certificate and family registry. It hadn't worked, everyone knew he was the son of a criminal. Dead, but a criminal nonetheless. Ace had thought getting people to acknowledge him would be enough, would validate his existence. But finally, they had been right. He was a monster. Just like his father, bringing sorrow, grief and death around him. He deserved everything he had ever received. Even Marco's abandonment. He didn't deserve to be happy. It just wasn't for him.

Ending things would help everyone. No one would have to suffer for his existence anymore. It was the right decision. One he should have taken before, but it wasn't too late. This thought lulled him to a nightmarish sleep, filled with dreadful screams and accusations being thrown at him.

- Letting go -

Izo had tried. Really tried. No one in their right mind could have any reservations over his spotless behaviour. It had been nearly three weeks and he had done nothing. Not even a little bit of investigation or any nosing around. Nothing. But now... now he had decided that enough was enough and that being on his best behaviour for so long was tiring and useless. Okay, he hadn't really tried that hard. Nosing around when one is halfway around the globe because of his job as a fashion designer presents some kind of trouble. And before that he had been busy with Christmas and New Year preparation. Anyway, being away or not, it still counted as three weeks of good behaviour so Izo considered it enough. Now was the time to act. Rolling around in his bed unable to find sleep, his mind was finally made up. Looking at the clock he noticed it was two in the morning. Grumbling Izo turned around, closing his eyes resolutely. Okay, maybe he couldn't go right now but first thing tomorrow he would act.

In the time he had been away, he had had time to think long and hard about what would be the best course of actions. Going to see Ace was a no, Izo still needed to be on his best behaviour with his friend and not interfere with anything for fear of losing his friendship. So no. Interrogating Marco had given him some answers but interrogating him again would be pointless. His brother had already told him too much and probably wouldn't elaborate lest Izo stick his nose in his business. So Marco was also a no. However Izo was more clever than that. If the two key players kept quiet, then it was time to go speak to other players, low-key ones. Ace had told him that Marco had left, he hadn't told him the reasons or anything, but Izo was sure that the young man wasn't the one who broke things up with his brother. As for Marco, he had told Izo that he thought Ace cheated on him with Kid of all people. That was something Izo couldn't believe despite Thatch's doubts. Ace wouldn't respond well having his integrity questioned, he wasn't really the type to cheat and Izo believed that he would have told him if he had... Probably. So, there was one thing left for him to do and it was to go interrogate Kid and worm intel out of him. Going to Ace's shop at two a.m probably wasn't going to give him the intended results so he was forced to wait it out. Izo huffed in frustration and tossed his cover aside, getting up slowly so as not to wake Thatch who was snoring next to him, oblivious to Izo's internal debate. He probably wouldn't agree with Izo's idea so no need to let him know.

- Letting go -

Bare foot padded softly in the otherwise silent room and a weight settled beside Ace, startling him awake. The sun had risen already, illuminating the room through the half closed shutter. Outside, everything was covered in snow, the landscape so white it was nearly blinding after so many gloomy days of dark clouds and heavy snow. Here and there, some brave enough children were making snowmen in the front lawn of their houses under the watchful eyes of their parents. Others were throwing snowballs at each other, laughing loudly.

Ace struggled to free himself from his cover before being embraced from behind, trapped in his brother's arms. Luffy's forehead rested on his back, a silent support. Ace tensed, not knowing what was to come. He didn't want to talk. He didn't know what he would say. Everything. Nothing. Whatever.

Still, Luffy didn't talk, respecting his brother's quietness. It was a first. He probably had a hundred questions or accusations but he didn't move and he didn't speak. Only the arm that circled his waist, the sound of his breath and the feeling of it, moist against the skin of his neck gave him proof that Luffy was lying beside him. Still none of them talked.

Fingers began to gently stroke his hair and still Luffy didn't say a word. Ace felt overwhelmed, he didn't know where to begin. He had broken down in front of his brother and he felt awfully guilty. He knew he had some explanations to do, but he didn't know if he was strong enough to tell Luffy the truth. The whole truth.

He wasn't. He was weak. Selfish. A monster.

The cover was raised slightly and Luffy wiggled his way under it, a warm weight settling on Ace's back. They stayed here, Luffy basking in his brother's warmth and Ace's guilt eating away at him. It was a deep ache in his very core. He was underserving of such a gesture after what he had done. He didn't know why Luffy was here, hugging him when all Ace wanted was to leave everything behind. Leaving them be happy without him. A burden.

Ace didn't move, didn't open his mouth, didn't attempt to talk. Nothing he would say would be enough. Nothing would erase his past deeds. He deserved disdain. Hatred. And all he got was care. He wanted Luffy to stop holding him, to shout at him, to tell him that he was a monster. He deserved all of that.

"You're alright." Luffy whispered after a long while. "We're gonna be alright." He asserted with strength.

Ace knew his brother was smiling, he could hear it in his voice, his confidence, his undying confidence and trust in them, in him. No anger, no hate, no resentment.

No, no ! Luffy should hate him. It would be right. It would be welcome. Nothing was ever gonna be alright anymore.

Ace didn't say a word, closing his eyes against this reality and the world around him. He was responsible, he was in the wrong. He deserved to be punished. Not forgiven. Not loved.

- Letting go -

Now the time to take the proverbial bull by the horns and play the part of the fairy godmother had come. Izo was fuming while doing his hair in front of his mirror. It was nearly eleven. He had overslept. Being up most of the night, ruminating about what he was gonna ask Kid hadn't been such a bright idea. Not deterred despite his tardiness, Izo guessed that it wasn't too late to go. After all Kid would probably still be working so it was alright.

Putting on his winter boots quickly, Izo was out of his flat in no time. It was now or never. Not even a tornado would be able to stop him from his self-given mission. Which consisted of interfering with the lives of his brother and his friend. But well, semantics. It was more a rescue mission than anything, really.

The streets were crowded with people who wanted to make the most of the sun after so many days of bad weather. Wrapped up in heavy winter coats, family, groups of young people or elderly were strolling down the streets unhurriedly. Trees sagged under the weight of the snow that had fallen since New Year. Christmas decorations hung from one oak to another, a line of bright snowmen or stars of all size crossing the streets. Sometimes, a shriek would be heard as a snowball was thrown.

The familiar front window of Ace's shop greeted him after a tiring walk. From outside, one could see the splotches of colors on the walls. Opening the door he was engulfed by a wave of warmth making him aware of how cold it was outside. Shivering he made his way inside, a beaming Bonney greeting him warmly.

"Hello Bonney !" He replied, his voice more forceful than he intended. "Where is Kid ?" he asked without any preamble, not even taking the time to ask her how was her day. No time to waste, he had already lost enough by abiding to his friends wishes.

"He's upstairs with a customer but you can wait here or in the break room." she answered her eyes narrowing in suspicion. It wasn't a secret that Izo and Kid didn't get along.

"Thanks, I'll just wait here then." He said, making his way to the red couch near the door. He took a magazine, opening it randomly to appear busy so that Bonney would stop staring at him. His attention wasn't on the words in front of him though, he was still thinking about what he was going to tell Kid without antagonising him too much. A "Did you sleep with Ace ?" as an icebreaker wouldn't end well even if it was what Izo wanted to know. He was, after all, here to get some answers.

- Letting go -

The brothers hadn't talked about it further. They had stayed mostly quiet the whole day, both in their rooms, both minding their own business. At ten, Luffy had left Ace's side, without saying another word. He probably hadn't known what to say. It was hard on him, it showed on his face and in his eyes, distraught and listless. It was hard on Ace too, but in a different way. Both brothers were dealing with their problems in entirely different ways. Once, Luffy would have demanded answers, would have fought tooth and nails to know what was wrong with his brother. Now, he just let it go. Not because he didn't like his brother anymore, but because he knew that sometimes people needed time for themselves. He had grown up when nobody was looking. Law would be proud, he was trying to teach Luffy how to act responsibly. It was hard, it wasn't him. But with Sabo in a coma and Ace completely out of it, he needed to be strong. He had done nothing of his day but had called Iva to let him know he wouldn't be working tonight. He couldn't let Ace alone. In the meantime the hospital had called stating that Sabo's condition had stabilised, that it appeared he had fallen into a deeper form of coma but that the doctors couldn't know for sure and were going to run some exams. Not that Luffy really understood what it was about. He was just relieved his brother was alright.

It was now seven at night, Luffy was preparing his meal, eggs with cheese and ham. He knew it wouldn't taste as good as Sanji's cooking but realised it would be better than starving.

The door of Ace's bedroom opened and his disheveled brother got out, looking worse for the wear, dark shadows under his eyes, his clothes wrinkled, his eyes crazed. He made his way slowly to the kitchen and his eyes widened seeing Luffy in there. The young man should have been working. Ace wanted to ask his brother why he was still here but guilt made him clam up. He tried to make his way back into his room but Luffy's strong grip on his arm and cheerful smile plastered on his face stopped him in his tracks.

"Sit down." His brother said a bit forcefully. He was fed up with Ace's attitude and it showed. He would have preferred it didn't. He was supposed to be comprehensive, to be there for him. "I don't know if you're up for eggs but I can give you a bowl of cereals ?" He asked gently, trying to coax Ace into at least looking at him.

Ace nodded and went to take a seat. His guilt was weighting heavily on him, his shoulders sagging slightly, his head bending, his gaze dropping to his lap.

"Okay. I can't do this anymore." Luffy finally puffed, glowering. "I don't know what's happening to you, I don't know what happened yesterday at the hospital but I can see that something is wrong. And you're shutting me out."

Ace recoiled slightly, not being accustomed to seeing his brother glaring his way. In his twisted mindset, he was sure he deserved this so he took it without shying away from the brunt of his brother's anger. Even if he was appalled by his thoughts from last night, about wanting to end things, he was convinced that he truly was a monster. He had fallen in a restless sleep, nightmares clogging his tired mind. Dying wasn't the solution, it was something his guilty mind had came up late last night, too tired to fight, to cling on to life. He regretted it now, knowing full well that he couldn't abandon his brother but also knowing that he deserved his brother's disdain.

"I'm worried. Just worried. I don't hold you responsible for what happened to Sabo. He's alright the hospital called earlier saying that he was okay. You're fine too. So talk to me."

Luffy didn't raise his voice often, especially with Ace. He idolised him too much, he was his big brother, he protected him, he helped him when things went sideway. Still, desperate times called for some desperate actions.

"I just want the truth."

The truth. That was something Ace was shying away from. His brother's hate, he could take, people's disdain that was fine. But the truth, the entire, unvarnished truth, that was something he was not ready to accept and even more so, to speak about. He was a liar. He knew he was but he couldn't change. Or wouldn't, it depends on the point of view. His lies kept pilling up. Somewhere, someone was probably keeping tabs and now was the time this someone would say "time to run" cause disentangling all those lies would be hell. For Ace. Because people would truly see him for who he was, would see him vulnerable, scared, empty. And he couldn't have that. The truth was too painful. Lying was easier, it always was. Once upon a time, he prided himself in saying the truth, of being frank, honest with people. But that was so long ago. Before Marco, before Sabo, before his disease. All those things, pilling up on his plate, it was too much, too much to bear for one man but he couldn't – or wouldn't, once again, everything was in the point of view – let anyone see. The truth was ugly, as it always is when you have let your lies fester for too long. It was a can of worms no one wanted open.

He had lied about his break up to Luffy; he lied to his friends not telling them the truth about it either, he lied to people about his feelings, his state of mind and his health. It wasn't so much lying as "not telling them the whole truth". A white lie one might say. But a lie nonetheless.

Ace's guts churned painfully. He was all too aware of this things while Luffy was glaring at him waiting for the whole truth. Waiting for Ace to man up. The older brother wanted to retch, to curl himself into a ball and never have to face the world ever again. Still, he soldiered on. He had made his bed, he should lie in it now. But there was nothing to say. Or so Ace thought. Where would he begin ? Would he open this so called can of worms ? No way. But he needed to. It was his responsibility. He couldn't let Luffy worry and he knew it. He prided himself on being a good big brother and the events of last night and today proved him wrong. He needed to stop being such a whiny brat. To grow a pair and move forward. Not backward. That was nice and dandy but it's never as easy to do as to think about doing so. Whatever, he was making up his mind, slowly, painfully, he knew that Luffy had to know some part of the truth. He knew, deep down, that he needed to make it up to Luffy. That he needed to show him, to tell him what was wrong because his brother had grown up in the time he wasn't looking. In the time he was too busy wallowing in self pity.

"I..." he began but stopped short. Guilt was boiling in his stomach painfully. A heavy stone nestled at his very core. He opened his mouth but found himself unable to go on. It was hard. Getting his thoughts in order to finally let them out... Was he really going to do it ? No no, he could backtrack, he could turn around and lie some more, he could leave and think of a better lie, he could...

"Please." Luffy's pleading voice reached his ears, making all his walls crumble. He couldn't do that to his little brother.

"I'm sorry." He settled for at least. "I'm sorry for giving you so much shit about everything. I'm a moron. I'm not alright and I didn't tell you. Because I didn't want to worry you, but look at where we are. It's such a clusterfuck." Now that he had started, it would be hard to stop. It was something that needed to be done because Luffy wouldn't put up with any more shit. Both of them knew it.

"I'm not fine. I haven't been since Marco... since Marco broke up with me. I know, I know it was a long time ago and I know I should have gotten over it. I'm not some whiny little girl whose heart got broken by the love of their life. I'm not." Even if truly, he was. "It hurt so much at that time. You don't know, you weren't there and I'm glad you weren't. It was ugly. I was... I ... I was a mess. Utterly and completely pathetic. Sabo helped me through it. He was there for me, he didn't know exactly what happened, I forbade him to go see Marco. I was done. I thought I was. But then... then Sabo... life took him out of mine. I was left alone and I became an ever bigger mess. I don't want to tell you what happened. I'm not proud. Won't ever be. Still, Kid helped me out. He kicked my ass. He knew you where gonna be home soon, and I couldn't let you see me like this, could I ? I'm your bloody big brother. So, I went on with my life, burying my problems deep down, trying to forget about them and now... now they came back to haunt me..." He had a lump in his throat. Confessing was hard. Tiring. Needed.

"Is it because Marco is back ?" Luffy asked him gently, his eyes full of unshed tears, fists curled in tight balls.

It was a way out. Ace didn't know how Luffy knew Marco was back in town but...

"In a way, yes." He whispered.

It was another lie to write down on his lie-tabs. Or an half-truth. Whichever.

"And yesterday" He went on, not willing to let Luffy ponder too much on his phrasing and having to tell him about his disease. "I went to see Sabo and I was so frustrated, so angry, so...lost that ... I..." He didn't want to cry. "That I lashed out. I accused him of not being there for me. Of leaving me behind. Knowingly. And I... I told him he wasn't my brother anymore. I triggered his heart attack."

Ace hanged his head, eyes cast low, not wanting to see Luffy's disappointment or anger. Both of them were quiet for what seemed like an eternity. Ace's heart hurt. It was squeezing in his chest painfully, making it hard to breath, making him feel nauseous. Finally, Luffy sighed, got up and hugged his brother. What could he say, really ? He was the one who felt guilty now, having lived his life unaware of his brother's sufferings.

"You're a moron. That's probably what Sabo wanted to tell you. I'm sure of that. You're a fucking moron and we love you. So shut up. And lean on us." He said gruffly, brows furrowed and eyes wet with unshed tears. He wouldn't let Ace down. Not ever again.

Ace nodded slightly, not daring to open his mouth lest a sob get out of it.

- Letting go -

"Haruta, I need your help." Was the first thing Haruta heard as she answered her phone in the middle of her work day. She got up hastily to go to the break room and replied in an amused tone.

"Well, Hello to you to Izo. What's going on ?" She said chirpily.

"A lot. And very little." Was the puzzling answer she got.

"I'll need more than that... are you okay ? Do you want me to come ? Did something happen ?" Worry creeped into her voice as diverse deadly scenarios coursed through her mind.

"No, I'm fine. This isn't about me. This is about Marco."

Silence stretched as Haruta realised that Izo was fine but that something was probably very wrong with their older brother if Izo called her at that time of the day sounding... vaguely irritated now that she thought about it.

"What's going on with Marco ? He's still at work, he took his lunch break some time ago and went back to work immediately." Haruta had witnessed first end how not alright Marco was since he broke up with Ace. Hell she had been with him when everything went down and throughout it all. She had accompanied him to New-York where everything went sideway as soon as they had landed. Marco went cold and impossibly quiet, seldom smiling or going out. He spent his time working, numbing his mind with sheets of numbers, contracts, deadlines and results. She had been unable to get through to him and she felt responsible for the way he was now. If only she had been able to break through his armor, if only she had been stronger, if only she had kicked his ass.

"You know that I stopped investigating because he asked me not to?" Izo asked. Haruta nodded before realising that he couldn't see her but Izo went on without letting her speak. "Well I decided that I couldn't do it anymore."

Of course he did. Haruta knew that Izo wouldn't stop nosing around only because Marco had asked him. It was too important for Izo to just let go. Something fishy was going on and it was a wonder neither Izo nor her had done anything sooner. But now, now they could make things right.

"So, what have you found ?" She asked in a hushed voice, looking left and right to see if anyone was here. Better be safe than sorry when discussing the love life of your boss.

"Not much. That's it. I'm pissed off. Like incredibly pissed off." That explained why Izo sounded irritated at least.

"Where have you been ?"

"I went to interrogate this conceited cocksure wiseass Kid." He spat, outrage clear in his voice. "He's the only link I found in this story. Marco thinks Ace cheated on him with Kid, he's actually pretty sure about that which seems strange when Ace assured me he didn't have the slightest idea that Kid had feelings for him."

"Marco thinks what ?" Haruta screeched, not believing what she had just heard.

"That Ace cheated on him. I can't believe it either. Thatch seems to think it's possible but I don't want to believe that..."

"I can't believe this either, I mean... it's Ace !" She cried out as if only the name of the young man was enough to clear him.

"Yeah... that's why I went to Kid. He's a fucking moron. He just deflected my questions. Like every single one. Says he doesn't have any feelings for Ace, which I can tell you is a fucking lie, he doesn't know anything about the break up, he doesn't recall Ace acting strange beforehand, but he remember afterwards. He downright criticised how I was with Ace after the break-up ! The gall of this dimwit ! I know I made mistakes ! But he spun this discussion onto me, playing on the words. There's something wrong. I know he has something to do with this but I can't frigging prove it !"

Listening to Izo, it was clear the young man had had a nasty encounter with Kid. Haruta knew that Izo could extrapolate, letting his feelings and anger cloud his judgment but she also knew better than to doubt him. Izo's instinct was often proven true. If he thought that Kid was fishy, then he damn right was.

"What do you want to do ?"

- Letting go -

After what felt like hours of arguing for both brothers, Luffy finally went to work albeit reluctantly. He hadn't wanted to leave Ace's side but his brother had been adamant. Luffy had already taken the 13th to babysit him, no need for him to take another day off. Ace was fine. Or as fine as anyone could be after a mental breakdown.

He wasn't fine in the least but years of masking his pain, of lying through his teeth and schooling his features were enough to convince a grumbling Luffy who threatened his brother with dire consequences if anything were to happen while he was gone, namely beating his sorry face to a pulp and making him spit his teeth. Anyway, Ace felt that he didn't need a babysitter nor did he deserve his brother's time. He knew he had screwed things up and knew his brother would watch him more closely from now on but still. Still, now was the time to get back on the right tracks: he would bury his feelings for Luffy's sake and his own mental sanity. It wasn't healthy but he didn't care. He couldn't care about such a thing. With his whole world crashing down around him, with his death hanging over his head like a Damocles sword, he could at least make this right.

His talk with Luffy had alleviated some of his worries, some of the churning guilt he had inside. It had cleaned the air a bit. It had allowed Luffy to see more of Ace and Ace to be more truthful. Not entirely truthful but it was a start. He couldn't be entirely truthful anyway. Maybe he would finally accept his doctor's advice to see a shrink.

Finally, the front door banged shut. Luffy was gone, leaving the flat empty in more way than one. His brother filled the place with his joyfulness and laughter. Without him there, everything felt too quiet and oppressive. Ace went to the couch and settled on watching a cop show, half listening to it while his mind was miles away. He suddenly felt so hollow, being on his own now. He should probably go to sleep but knew his night would be filled with nightmares so he decided to stay up, the sound of the tv lulling him into an half-awake state, far from his reality. He was tired. He thought about calling Dadan to tell her what happened to Sabo but she would just chew his ass out. And he couldn't call her for comfort; she wasn't like that and he didn't need any. He was a big boy. Still, seeing someone might do him good... it would help him manage his anger, maybe. It would maybe help him avoid any more mistakes. Was he ready to see someone ? To open up ? Maybe not but... he needed it. For Luffy.

The doorbell rung suddenly making Ace jump a little. Looking at the clock he realised it was only eight o'clock. He wasn't expecting anyone but it could be Luffy who had decided to come check on him and had forgotten his key. It happened a lot more than one might think. Luffy tended to be a little forgetful about those daily useful items, like keys. Sighing, Ace got up, a small smile already appearing on his face at the prospect of seeing Luffy despite his annoyance at being treated like a child. The doorbell rang again and Ace hastened his pace, grumbling under his breath about stupid little brother who forgot his damn keys all the time.

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming !" He shouted.

Unlocking the door, he prepared himself to chide Luffy for being a mother-hen - and when did their roles reverse like that, he couldn't tell - but was left speechless seeing who was at the door. He blinked a few times before clearing his throat, trying to find something to say but found himself unable to really process, taken completely by surprise.

What was Kid doing here ?

XxXxXxX

It was a strange sight to behold, seeing two people who were once best friends tiptoeing around each other, one standing uneasily on the threshold not daring to just barge in like he used to and the other one, his hand still gripping the doorknob tightly, his body like a barrier in front of the entryway. Ace and Kid were at a standstill, neither moving or saying a word. A door banging shut further in the corridor broke the silence, prompting one of them to finally talk.

"Hi..." Kid said a bit awkwardly, shuffling his feet and not looking him in the eyes. The man was visibly incredibly uncomfortable.

"Oh, hm, Hi." Ace replied uneasily.

Awkward wasn't even enough to cover the scene. What do you say to a friend turned not so friendly anymore ? "Hi" probably.

Silence stretched between before a neighbour passed in the corridor, greeting Ace warmly before making his way to the staircase.

"Luffy told me to come by... I ... I'm aware of what happened with Sabo and ... I thought I could count as moral support ?" Kid began, brows furrowed in uncertainty.

Luffy was sure to get an earful as soon as he would cross the threshold for Ace couldn't thank him for this. Kid wasn't the last person he wanted to see but things had turned sour between them and it made him uncomfortable just to have to interact with him. He didn't realise it was the same for Kid.

"Ah yeah, uh, well then, come in." He said, motioning for Kid to follow him in the house.

They used to be so close and now, now they acted like stilted strangers.

"Do you want something to drink ? Water, coffee ... ?" Ace asked as Kid took off his shoes and closed the door behind him.

"Sure. Water will do just fine." He replied, a small stiff smile appearing on his face.

Ace nodded and went to fetch two glasses of water even if both of them deeply wanted a tall glass of whiskey. Thoughts swirled in their mind as they observed each other unnoticed, stealing casual glance when the other wasn't looking. They hadn't seen each other since Ace took his weeks off and they hadn't made an effort to enquire about the other well-being. Ace was bitter while Kid felt betrayed. Hurt.

Ace turned around after fetching the water bottle in the fridge while Kid stood rooted on the spot, lurking on the edge of the kitchen, not daring to go in.

"We'll go in the living room to talk, it'll more comfortable." Ace said, probably thinking that with the TV still on it would fill the blanks for them. The young man was mostly confused and a little angry.

"Sure." Kid replied simply before turning back and making his way to the only armchair in the room.

They both stared at the television for awhile, neither really listening to it. Ace was torned between not saying anything to see how awkward it would get, begin a conversation with weather-talk as two strangers would or shout at Kid to just go if he didn't have anything to say. His choice was robbed as Kid finally decided to open his mouth.

"It has gotten cold this past few weeks. I'm glad we had a little sun today."

The frosty silence was only filled by the sound of the television before Ace's temper got the better of him. If Kid had looked at Ace, he would have seen his face growing cold, his eyes narrowing in anger. But he wasn't. If Ace had watched his friend carefully, he would have noticed his unease, shoulders stiff, mouth pulled down in an unhappy frown. They didn't see either things because the were only thinking about themselves, about how they felt abandoned by their best friend, how angry they became because of the other attitude, not understanding what was wrong with each other. Not wanting to see anything but their own hurt feelings.

"What do you want Kid ?" Ace snapped. "You didn't have to come if you didn't want to."

Kid didn't flinch but his frown deepened slightly. Still, Ace didn't see it, blinded by his own righteous feelings. Kid was being a jerk, being here only because Luffy had told him to. It hurt him deeply. He felt as if he wasn't even worth his friend's time anymore, or worth having a friendship with.

His anger rose.

"Listen, something did happen to Sabo but I'm doing fine. Luffy is just a little over-protective. I don't need someone to look after me so really if you want to you can go. I won't make you stay against your wish."

Truth be told, he just couldn't see the big picture, that Kid was hurting too. He was a tough, gruff, harsh guy but he had a heart too. Kid hadn't understood and still couldn't fathom why Ace had thrown his feelings in his face. He could only think about one reason.

His anger rose.

"I came here because I wanted to. Not because Luffy told me to. But I can see I'm unwanted. Should have figured it out now that Marco's back into the picture" He spat bitterly.

Useless empty words and misunderstandings just fuelled their anger further. If they weren't stubborn and pig-headed, they might have tone it down, they might have taken a minute to calm down, to talk it out.

"What the heck does it have to do with anything ? Marco has nothing do to with anything ! You're the one acting like a fucking stranger, being colder than fucking ice !" Ace exploded, getting up and glaring at Kid. Marco was a soft spot, it still wasn't easy for him to hear his name and he didn't understand why Kid would bring him up. It wasn't about Marco. It was about them, about their friendship that Kid seemed to think was well and truly gone if his attitude was anything to go by.

"I'm cold ? Fuck you Ace."

Words sometimes came out harsher than they were intended but it was always too late to take them back.

"I don't know what's wrong with you", Kid went on ,"because you fucking lie to me all the time ! I'm supposed to be your friend and you lie to me ! So when you say I'm cold just ... fuck you. You're being an egoistical self-centered moron."

Deep rooted anger was hard to contain sometimes and Kid was never known to be able to reign in his temper. He was brash, often too honest and downright insulting.

Ace physically flinched. Coming to realise you were in the wrong all along is not easy. It left him unable to utter a word. He suddenly understood Kid's anger and behaviour. He had been an egoistical moron. Luffy suffered from it too. Ace was really lower than dirt. He was a lying prick. Still, he couldn't tell Kid the truth. He was stuck in his own lies again.

"You lie all the time, you're acting weird. I don't recognise you. Not anymore." He said, his tone softer than before, frustration pouring out of him in waves.

Kid had a right to be angry but his guilt also made him tone down his anger. He felt guilty. Had felt it for close to two years. It had gone slightly better as years passed by but now... now it came back with a vengeance leaving his guts churning. He wasn't blameless and his showdown with Izo had just poured salt on festering wounds even if he had managed not to say anything. He was responsible.

"I shouldn't have come now." He said breathlessly, suddenly feeling that he couldn't get enough air. " I... I wasn't ready to see you." He added, not really saying what he had to say, what he ought to say to make this situation better.

Ace let himself fall back on the couch, as if the strings which had held him up had been cut off. His friend wasn't ready to see him. Ready. What did it even mean ? Ready...

"I just don't get you. I try. I tried. I know that... I know that Marco's coming back is fucking you up and I'm sorry. I truly am. I just wished ... I just wished you would have talked to me, trusted me with what was wrong."

As he talked, Kid couldn't bear his own treacherousness anymore. How could Ace trust him when he had been everything but truthful with him ?

Ace didn't dare look at Kid. Guilt swirled in both their guts. They both knew what they did wrong. What they regretted doing but they couldn't change anything now. They both had lied, they both had different reasons but ultimately it came to one thing: love. To gain love or to protect people out of love.

"I better go." Kid muttered quickly, getting up hastily.

Neither apologised, neither tried to think about ways to salvage their friendship. It seemed too late. You could hear their friendship break in the otherwise silent room as Kid's back faced Ace's form slouched on the couch. It shattered at their feet under the weight of their lies and their deceit. They were both responsible but both felt it was their own fault above all. But after all was said and done, the blame was on Love.

A/N: Thank you for reading ! I hope this chapter was alright if a bit ( a lot) dramatic ! See you next chapter ! Hopefully sooner than the last.