Hello dear readers ! I'm sorry for the wait, this chapter was really tricky to write as there is a looot of revelations ! Human feelings are really hard to write, some characters more than others ^^ This actually was ready a few weeks ago but I needed my friends input about whether this chapter was any good or not and they are lazy (and busy) so it took ages for some of them to look it over ^^ ( but thank you, I love you 3 ) I had to threaten them with cutting off their pinky fingers ... ahahah, that's how I show them my love, don't worry ^^
Anyway, feel free to point out any mistake, any plothole, anything, and review if you liked it !
Unbetaed for the eventual mistakes.
Chapter 16: Too little, way too late
"Oh God, Oh God, Ace..." He crushed the young man's cold hand in his own, guilt crushing his very soul. The hand was cold, whitish, unresponsive.
"What have you done ?" Tears streamed down his face as he caressed Ace's hair lightly. "What happened to you ?"
It was the one million dollar question. He didn't know. No one but Ace knew what truly happened, but here he was, lying on his bed, naked, his mind blessedly blank, as he had wanted it to be.
A car stopped abruptly outside, its tires screeching on the pavement. Doors were thrown shut and soon feet could be heard rushing in the stairs, voices calling out to each other. The blue and red lights of the ambulance bathed the room with an eiry glow. The front door was soon pushed open and medics ran into the room. It was panic. And Ace lied there, unaware, uncouscious of the chaos on the outside. For once, he didn't have to care. He didn't have to suffer. He wasn't feeling anything anymore. He was fine. Far way. So far way from everything.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Ace.. It's all my fault." His mind blanked as doctors worked on his friend, getting him ready to be moved an saved. Please, let him be alright, let him be alright, I'm so sorry.
- Letting go -
Ace's appartement was a mess was Kid's first thought upon opening the front door before a feeling of unease settled in his guts. Eyes narrowing he took in the utter chaos, the puddle of water, exiting from the bathroom going into Ace's room, a towel lying discarded on the ground, broken glass everywhere, lights on in every rooms. The smell of whiskey was pungent in the air and as he stepped closer, Kid crushed glass under his feet, noticing that it came from the remain of a bottle. A bottle of whiskey.
The floor was littered with shards, drenched in water, whiskey and a redish liquid. Crouching, Kid's eyes widened as he noticed that it was dried blood, all over the floor and the glass. What the hell happened here ?
Kid was frozen, his mind running with all kinds of scenarios but unable to process. Looking up, his gaze was drawn to Ace's studio, to the pile of crumpled papers littering the floor. Everywhere he looked, something was amiss and still the appartement was blanketed in silence. In a sort of peacefulness too strange to be true. Something was very wrong with all of this.
Kid got up quickly, too quickly as he lost his footing and stumbled, regaining his balance by leaning against the wall, nearly falling through the open bathroom door. Getting his bearings back, he wondered why Ace still had a bottle of alcohol in his appartement. He didn't buy alcohol anymore... he had promised him he wouldn't... Unease coursed through Kid's veins as he realised he probably was the reason why Ace had been drinking. His friend must be passed out in his room snoring his hangover way. He would beat himself over it tomorrow, probably.
Entering the bathroom to turn off the light, he heard yet another crushing sound. Looking down, wondering how shards of glass had reached this far, he realised that he had stepped on a white powder which probably used to be some kind of pill. There were several on the floor, alongside a pill bottle. His sinking feeling was back as he reached the bottle with trembling hands. His mind was spinning so much that he couldn't read the label. Kid inspired and let out a shaky breath before looking again. Sleeping pills. These were sleeping pills...
Kid realised all of a sudden how fast his heart was beating, how hard it was to breath. He felt light headed and the door, Ace's door, which was only a few feet away, seemed unreachable. Or did it ? It was just that Kid didn't want to go there, didn't know what he would find and it scared him. Alcohol and sleeping pills ? Everyone knew it was a deadly mix. Alcohol enhanced the power of sleeping pills. It could cause, at terms... death. Why had Ace done that ? Was he so far down that he had decided there wasn't anything to fight for ? What about Luffy ? Guilt chocked Kid as he realised it was his fault. Not half him, half Marco's return, and a bit of something esle. All of this was his own doing.
Ace was lying in the middle of his bed, on his back, naked but for a thin sheet. His face was smooth of any feeling and he seemed to be asleep. Lost in his slumber, seemingly peaceful and worriless.
His skin was pale and sweaty. His lips looked bluish. Blood rushed out of Kid's face and he visibly paled. His friend looked like death, resting on his mortuary bed, surronded by white sheets, eyes closed. The silence felt oppresive, the darkness suffocating. Kid felt light headed. He hadn't moved since entering the room. Couldn't move, his feet rooted to the ground. He couldn't go in there. Couldn't take another step to know for sure if Ace was... if Ace was dead. He took a few cautious steps, getting closer and closer, his heart caught in his throat. Ace's rib cage was moving up and down, slightly but still. Rushing to his side Kid searched for his pulse and found it uneven and slow. Too slow. "Ace" He murmured, breaking the silence, needing to fill the void with some sound, with his own voice, grounding him in this moment. He was at his dying best friend's bedside. What should he do ? With shaky fingers, he took out his phone from his pocket but dropped it on the bedcover. He took it back in his hands and dialed the emergency number. That he could do. Yeah, they would help him. Ace could be saved. He needed to be saved.
"Hello, what is your emergency ?"
- Letting go -
Ace's heatbeat was steady, a low regular bleeping sound assuring Kid of that fact. He was lying in an hospital bed, in an ugly hospital gown, IV dripping whatever in his blood stream. Alive. He was alive. And he would wake up. He wasn't dead. Hadn't ended his days as he probably had intended to.
Kid had never been so scared in his life, had never felt so helpless. Even the last time Ace had tried to kill himself, he didn't even come close to this, to being in the hospital, his life hanging by a thread. Kid sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair, head resting on his crossed fingers, thinking and thinking about what he had done. About his responsability in all of this. He was lost in a storm of guilt and sadness, overwhelming his thoughts and leaving him unable to even pace in the room. He was completely listless. Only the bipping sound of the machine kept him grounded in the present.
The night before, the doctors had quickly rushed Ace to the hospital to cleanse his stomach from the alcohol and the pills, making him release the deadly mix he had swallowed. Kid had stayed behind, not feeling the right to be alongside his friend when he was responsible for his state. He remained in Ace's appartement, devoided of sound and life. Kid had taken it upon himself to clean up the appartement, as best as he could so that Luffy wouldn't stumble upon the scene unaware.
He hadn't called the young man. Couldn't face him. Didn't want someone to tell him that it was his fault. He knew. He would call. As soon as Ace woke up.
As soon as he had been done he had left for the hospital and had waited for Ace to come out of the operating room and be placed in a room. The wait had been atrocious, nerve wracking, too long. Kid had had time to think about his misdeeds, about his wrong doings and realised how utterly responsible he was for all of this, from the very beginning. He had been selfish. Had crushed his best friend because of his selfishness, had tried to bend destiny and to make Ace his. Look how bad it had backfired. Kid never prided himself in being good. He was callous, harsh, prompt to anger but he realised he had reached a new low. Not once, but twice he had to see Ace trying to end his life. If only Ace had loved him back. Everything would have been so much better...
Ace had been put in a room in the middle of the night and Kid who had been waiting for him right outside the operating room had followed him. Despite the late hour, he had managed to enter the room and stay in there all night because he had threatened the nurse a bit.
The sun was slowly rising, it was maybe seven thirty and Kid hadn't moved an inch since he had gotten here. He was looking over Ace, he owed him that. He owed him the world.
Two years ago, after Ace and Marco's breakup Kid had foolishly thought he would be enough, that he would help Ace get back on his feet, that his friend would see how much Kid loved him but it hadn't gone that well. His last resort plan had worked but it hadn't had the desired effects. It had fucked Ace up. The young man had been broken hearted and Kid hadn't taken that into account when he had agreed to the plan. He didn't even know if it would work. Had hoped it would.
And it had, but Ace had never looked at him twice even when Marco had been out of the picture. Still, after that... Well, too prideful and too stubborn, Kid had kept quiet about the truth, even seeing that Ace was broken. Kid had thought that it would change, had thought that Ace would love him one day and then it was too late to tell the truth. He couldn't risk his friendship and Ace seemed to get better with time. Kid had been, in a way, bidding his time... Look how well that had worked... Marco's return had made it all go to hell. It went downhill and there wasn't anything Kid could do about it, too mired in his own lies. He had tried, had tried to tell Ace to just forget about Marco but his friend hadn't wanted to listen to him. And here they were. Kid sitting on an hospital chair, next to his suicidal friend asleep in a bed, next to the love of his life unconscious because of his foolishness.
- Letting go -
Law was fuming. He had never been so fucking angry in his life, not even when some guy had tried to flirt with Luffy, that was to say. He had never felt such an imperious need to maim someone, his vows as a doctor be damned. He stomped down a corridor of the hospital, rage oozing from his very pores. He was going to kill him, strangle him till he chocked, gouge his eyes out. This selfish little bastard. Pinching his nose to calm down before committing a crime he slowed down as he reached the door, gathering his wits. He was gonna yell at this moron but he had to do it with a clear head.
"No, Listen to me !" Someone shouted from the room, making Law start and stop as his hand was reaching for the doorknob. Someone was already in there, chewing Ace out probably. Good. He deserved it for being so dumb. Law was about to turn around and wait for his turn when he realised the voice he had heard seemed familiar... It took him to hear it again to reach the conclusion that it was Kid's. Actually it wasn't strange, the nurse had told him that a scary looking man had insisted to stay in Ace's room all night after finding him in his home. So Kid had found Ace. Well, he was probably telling his friend how much of a dumbass he was for doing such a thing. Law could let Kid do that, but he needed to have his turn cause he had learnt some things he had to discuss with Ace before maiming the young man.
"I'm the only one who should be sorry". His voice sounded wretched, so un-Kid like it surprised Law who decided to stay a bit. Not that he was curious or anything.
"What are you talking about ? You didn't do any..." Ace's voice was small, guilt ridden.
Well, great, he at least realised how utterly fucking stupid he had been.
"No please, let me talk. I need to. I owe you that. I ... I single handedly ruined your life so after I'm done, you'll probably want me out of your sight... and your life." Law couldn't see his face but his voice had a sad tint to it, an hollowness that was baffling.
Where was this going to exactly ? Kid wasn't chewing Ace out, he was... apoligizing ?
"Kid you're scaring me ? What's wrong ? I mean... I ... I decided to drink and take pills you didn't make me..." Ace said slowly, his voice low
That was for sure, this idiot had took them on his own. Kid's words didn't make any sense.
"I didn't hold them out and forced them down your throat but I might as well have."
"What ...?"
Yeah, what ? What the hell was this punk talking about ? Couldn't he just berate Ace without all this drama with feelings, apoligizing and all that ? More of that and Law would leave them to their sappiness.
"I love you and you know that." Well, I didn't, Law thought. "I also know now that you won't ever return my feelings... But I thought once that you would, held on to this hope and that's why I did what I did. I was selfish. I thought I could make you happy... I was wrong... all I did was hurt you..."
What the what ? First Kid loved Ace ? That was new but well, it wasn't as if Law really talk to Kid about anything this days. Still, Kid hoped that Ace would return his feelings ? Law didn't know Ace back when he dated Marco but he had heard from Luffy that they both were madly in love so for Kid to think he had a chance with the young man... maybe he began to love him afterwards, it was possible. But why had he hurt Ace then ... ?
"Kid ... ?"
"Two years ago. I thought that I had a chance with you and I... I tricked you and Marco. I flirted with you because I wanted you to look at me and leave Marco and I taunted him, goaded him to reveal how bad for you he was and how better than him I am. But you didn't notice. I became desperate and I saw a solution... I would make you see how dark his jealousy was. I ... didn't know that you would break up over it but..."
But you sure hoped, Law thought, getting more and more baffled as he listened through Kid's story. What had his friend done ? How could he be so damn wicked ? He had flirted with someone already in a relationship ? Had probably been the cause of their break up ? Had even stayed friend with Ace for two years after that ?!
"What did you do ?" Ace's voice was, understandably toneless. Neither angry, nor benevolent as it was beforehand. He must have felt that Kid was going to reveal some hurtful thing. That bastard.
"I kissed you and Marco saw us."
What the fuck ?!
"What ? I don't remember such a thing !" Ace cried out, taken aback, his voice raising and breaking at the end.
"I know. I had planned it all. We were in a club. I... drugged you and Marco arrived."
Oh dear God. What had Kid done ? Was he so much of a selfish moron as to break his best friend up with the man he loved ? How could he have done such a thing ? The Kid he knew wasn't honorable but come on. That was low. That was mean, that was crual. Heartless. He had drugged Ace... had drugged the man he claim to love... how wrong was this all ? How could Kid not see how dark his love had turned out. How he had emotionnaly abused his friend with his deceit. Kid was mad.
"I told you the next day that you had drunk too much and had blacked out. I didn't know he would react that way, that he would cast you aside, not trust you. But he did and I thought you would see then that he was a moron."
Law was angry. Furious even. Kid was telling Ace an awful truth, an horrible one; that of a betrayal worse than anything. How could he even look at Ace for two years ? How could he bid his time when Ace had been breaking down, had been so low he had tried to end his life. And now... with eveything that was happening in Ace's life, Kid's revelations... it would break Ace. It would crush him, Law was sure of that. He would have to call Luffy to do some damage control and prevent Ace from doing yet another stupid mistake. But not before he had a talk with Kid.
"It was my chance but it was your undoing. You took it badly, you were depressed and it worsened with Sabo's accident."
Of course it did, you fucking douchebag. How dare you talk like that ? As if Ace's was at fault in this ?
"I wanted to tell you eveything but I couldn't because you would have hated me and because you needed a friend."
A friend ? How rich. He sure didn't need Kid at that moment that was for sure. The gall of this man Law used to call a friend. He felt a deep disapointment in his chest and hurt on Ace's behalf, he couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it was for the young man to hear all those things. To understand that his breakup with his lover had been a scam orchestrated by his best friend.
"And then, time passed by and you never looked at me. You still loved Marco. But I couldn't tell you the truth. I thought you would get better, I could wait, be there for you and then he came back and I knew that I couldn't compete with him and that I made you miserable."
Damn right you did. And you only realised that now ? How dare you ? How dare you be there talking like that ? Telling Ace how you bided your time till he got better so he could fell in your waiting arms ? Have you no shame ? Did love blinded you so much that you forgot Ace was a human being with feelings ?!
"I put you in this bed because I was selfish. I didn't force you to attempt suicide but I contributed to it and... I had to tell you the truth. I couldn't let you self-destruct any longer."
What was that ? Was he playing the "gracious Lord card" ? I couldn't let you suffer more so I'm telling you the truth ? Was he serious ? He had hurt Ace in the worst possible way and here he was, blinded by his own selfishness by not wanting to admit to his mistakes. He wasn't redeeming himself in the least. He was simply making it worse and worse. Proving how twisted his love for Ace had become, how twisted he himself had become.
"I can't ask for forgiveness but..."
Of fucking course you can't !
"Get out." Ace's voice was cold and emotionless. Empty and even.
If he were Ace he probably would have been more scathing.
"I'm sorry Ace I'll just..."
He had lost every right to parol when he had put his evil plan in motion. What was he trying to do ?This man had fallen so low. Law couldn't say he knew him anymore.
"Get out !" Ace shouted making Law cringe at the loudness.
"Sorry. I hope that..."
"Shut up, Kid. Shut up and get the fuck out of here." Ace's voice broke at the end, his voice getting lower and lower.
- Letting go -
"You're one son of a bitch." Law said as Kid closed Ace's door a look of desolation on his face.
"Law..." Kid growled upon seeing him. "What are you doing here ?" He bite, clearly angry at being caught like this. He might wonder how much Law had heard.
"I work here." Law stated cooly, looking down on the man in front of him. "And I was gonna visit my boyfriend's brother as we speak... Mind telling me what this is about ?" He snarled, ready to pounce on Kid.
Law felt incredibly angry. Today was definitely a first. He was now concerned about having anger management problem... But Kid put him beside himself. How dare he hurt Ace like that ? Of course, Law and Luffy's brother hadn't always gotten along – and still didn't – but Law didn't hate him, didn't wish for him to suffer that way. He wanted to protect Luffy so it meant having to deal with Ace, but after learning what Kid did and what Bepo had told him he could only feel sorry for the man lying in the bed behind the closed door. Of course, it didn't not make him a fucking moron but still... Law could respect his pain and could try to protect what was left of Ace's sanity. It was not his duty but well...
Kid didn't answer, and the two men just stood in the corridor, glaring at each other. How much had they changed since leaving highschool. How much had Kid changed. Law wouldn't have thought him to be capable of such deceit but well... he probably wasn't a good judge of character.
"I advise you never to show your face to him again. He might harm you. So might Luffy, so you better be gone before he arrives. And before I hurt you." He stated, a wave of protectivness engulfing him. Guess his affection for Luffy had poured onto Ace now.
"It doesn't concern you, so drop it." Kid growled self-righteously.
"Even now you can't see what you did wrong ? Have you got no shame, Kid ?" Law spat. "But you hurt my family. Now leave. I won't tell you again. You're a selfish, crual, heartless son of a bitch and you deserve to burn in the deepest level of Hell. I think someone needed to tell you."
Kid didn't reply but left without a backward glance, his head held as high as guilt allowed him to.
- Letting go -
And only I can hurt this family, Law thought bitterly. Dammit Ace... Law could only guess what had ran throught his thick little skull but still... Pills and alcohol ? It was the recipe for disaster – for death, really – and even if he had implied he didn't mean to, he had done it. Had attempted, even unconsciously, to end his life. Without thinking about anyone but himself. Not thinking about Luffy. Law wanted to still go in there and chew the man out but... he, in a way, could understand. Could get why this happened. He knew next to everything now and it seemed to be an easy way out... He could understand but not accept it, and still wanted to give Ace a piece of his mind but... but he would at least give him some time to get his bearings back first. To process. To heal. What Ace had just learnt must have broken him. The past two years had been a lie and the man he loved hadn't trusted him. Kid had been a bastard but Marco... Law didn't know the man personnaly and didn't really know everything that took place two years ago but still... things were so messed up. So fucking messed up. Sighing, the doctor rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. So much drama. He wasn't one for drama usually, preferring to sit on the sidelines, but here he was, in the eye of this storm.
Law had things to say to Ace, things that Bepo had told him that needed to be adressed but first he would call Luffy and tell him to come here. Ace would need an emotional support. That was for sure.
- Letting go -
The door open again a little after nine. The sun was not high yet but its rays illuminated and warmed the otherwise depressing white room. Luffy's head poked through the ajar door, a strange look on his face. Anger, sadness, rage and helplessness mixed in a pretty bad way on his features. Seeing that his brother was awake and sitting on his bed, back against the wall, he came in and took a chair next to him, without uttering a single word. His face said long enough about his feelings. Ace for his part, had a stricken expression, he probably wondered how his little brother knew that he was here. Probably hoped that he could lie some more and not tell him what had happened the night before. Now that his brother was in the same room, he was thinking about how much Luffy knew, how much of the truth he had gotten out of whoever told him that he was here. Only this treacherous bastard knew and it only added insult to injury.
Luffy was looking at him, his face serious, his mouth pulled in a straight line. The air was strained, crackling with unresolved tension, heavy with unsaid things and lies. They had never been so at odds with each other before. Never in a way that could break the trust they had in each other.
"Luffy..." Ace murmured, his voice breaking at the end, pleading him to understand, to forgive him.
Luffy didn't budge, only stared at him, his eyes colder than ice. Or so it seemed to Ace. Luffy was probably done with him, sick and tired of all the lies he had been fed for the past year. Still, Ace didn't have the force to say anything else, to defend himself, to start an argument now. His heart still ached and he felt sick and tired. So sick.
"I want the truth." Luffy stated forcefully, gritting his teeth, knowing that it had been denied from him too many times and bracing himself for yet another rejection.
The truth. The word sounded bitter in Ace's ears now. Bitter and meaningless. The truth. He wanted to laugh. Or to cry. The fucking truth. His world had just been turned upside down by a lying son of a bitch. Because he had told him the truth. It had hurt. Like hell. More than anything. Knowing that you had lived two years filled with lies and deceit because of someone who pretended to be your best friend. It hurt in the worst way. His chest was already a gaping hole, his heart left in Marco's hands and now, Kid had just torn Ace's soul out of his very skull, carving a bloody trail in his wake. Ace felt hollow. And angry beyond belief. Mad with anger. He was hanging on to this feeling to keep his blood pumpimg in his veins. Otherwise he would have broken down right after the bastard's departure. He had felt cold, so fucking cold and empty. His anger had kept the fathomless despair that had nearly engulfed him at bay. Yet he felt tired. So fucking tired of his life. Of this whole mess. Anger could only get him so far and now seeing Luffy ... What did the truth even mean anymore ?
He raised his head and looked at his brother . He was being incredibly hypocrite right there. He had hid the truth too, had lied, had deceived his brother. And if Luffy even felt a little of what Ace felt now, he probably deserved to be punched. Pretty hard.
Ace cast a beaten look at his brother, misery fighting with sorrow in his tired gaze. He must have been so pitiful, so lost that Luffy's hard exterior melted and he got on the bed next to Ace, hugging him side way.
"Hey, hey. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you..."
And here he was again, apoligizing for just being fed up with Ace's lies. The older brother gripped Luffy's shoulders tight and buried his face in his neck breathing in the odor that was Luffy, that was home. It felt good to be in his brother's embrace. It made him hope that everything would be fine but he knew deep down that it wasn't the case. His sadness came back full force, eating away at his walls that were keeping his despair at bay. Ace bit back his tears, trying not to cry and break down here; he had tried to protect Luffy and now his brother acted as a shield against the outside world. He was so warm and soothing, but it hurt so much. Too much.
"Luffy..." Ace moaned, his voice wretched, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. It hurts... It hurts so much..." He was sobbing, tears spilling down his cheeks like waterfall. His walls had had so many cracks that it was bound to happen. He was sobbing so much now that he was nearly chocking on his own tears.
"Ace..." Luffy murmured, squeezing his brother in his arms, trying to soothe a pain he didn't understand, not letting him go, never letting him go.
It hurt so much. Everything was swirling. He felt rage, anger, sadness, betrayal, guilt. Sobs shook his frame as his bottled up feelings finally exploded.
"Luffy... it hurts..." He moaned, choking up as air left his lungs.
"What's wrong ? Talk to me brother. Please." Luffy asked, never releasing his hold on Ace, his voice raw with emotion but trying to be soothing.
What could he say ? What could he say now ?
"I don't know what's wrong, I don't even know why you're here Ace, so talk to me please. Law told me you had... had tried to... " Luffy's voice was heavy with anguish and wretchedness and he couldn't force himself to say the word. It would make it truth, make it tangible.
"I – I m – made... a mis – mistake." Ace whispered, choking on his words, his tears intensifying. "I'm s – s – sorry Lu. S – so so – sorry..."
Silence overtook the room, interspersed by Ace's moans and sobs. And then, Ace told him everything. Or as much as he could share. He came clean about his break up with Marco, about the few months that had followed, drowning himself in drugs and alcohol. About how Kid had helped him get back on his feet when Sabo had had his accident. How it was hard to get better but how he had done it, had tried to do it for Luffy. Not to worry him. How Marco's return had affected him, again and again, seeing him had hurt him more and more. Hope had rekindled in him and he couldn't have that, didn't want to feel this kind of feeling. He told him about how this love for a bastard was destroying him, little by little. Told him that he felt himself drowning, that he didn't know what do to and then revealed what Kid had told him. What truly happened back then, what caused his break up with the once love of his life. He told him about how betrayed he felt, how lost he was, how he didn't know what to do anymore. Blurted out that he didn't mean to commit suicide. Asked for forgiveness because he couldn't lose Luffy too, not after everything. He was just lost, had no one to lean on because he felt like this was his weight to bear. No one else's. He gave away his fear to lose everyone, his utter loneliness, his need for warmth and love, something he wasn't even aware of. Still, he needed to say it, needed to let Luffy know. But Ace was smart enough, or enough of a coward never to breach the subject of his disease. He could. It was probably the right time. He needed to tell him.
He didn't. Couldn't give this away. Couldn't make Luffy bear this weight. He told him everything else. How he had broken down in Sabo's room when Marco was here, told him how he spent the night at the top of this god forsaken hill, told him he had spent New Year alone, drowning his sorrow in a glass of alcohol.
Luffy sat beside him, holding him close to his body, never letting him go, never interrupting, simply listening to Ace. Getting things he had glimpsed but not understood. Things he should have seen, things he could have helped with but hadn't. He didn't know then but he did now. And he had people to punch in the face.
Ace's confession had tired the young man out, opening his heart to his brother and telling him everything was exhausting. He felt hollow emotionnaly. Drained, but warm, Luffy's arms around him, his silent presence a pillar of support at his side. He felt better than he had in a long time. Lighter. Snug. Drowsy. His eyes closed and his breathing slowed down. He felt somehow calm, hurt pulsing in his being but dulled by exhaustation. Sleep overtook him easily and he fell asleep in his little brother's arms.
- Letting go -
Law had let Ace sleep the whole day to recover. The young man needed that after his discussion with Luffy. Not that Law had eavesdropped. Who was he kidding. Of course he had listened in to the conversation. Of course he had been there in case Luffy needed some support when Ace finally told him the truth. Well, part of the truth... Law thought bitterly.
It was fairly late, seven p.m and visitors' hours were over. Law had coaxed Luffy into going to one of his friends' to sleep and not be alone. Law would have come with him but he was still on the clock. He was nearly done, though. His shift would be over at seven thirty if no emergency arose and he would be free to go and have a little chat with his lover's brother. A chat he had been dying to have since morning. As soon as his conversation with Ace would be over, which hopefully would go well but Law didn't have much hope on that, he would rush to his boyfriend's side. Luffy needed the support too. His brother had tried to commit suicide. Law could have kept quiet about Ace's attempt but it didn't seem fair to Luffy. His older brother was enough of a liar and Law had thought that it needed to stop there. Hence why he had told Luffy that Ace had tried to take his own life. Not anything else; it wasn't his secret to share, but still. He would be damned if he didn't attempt to prompt this pig-headed man to come clean about his situation. Before it was too late.
So now, here he was again, in front of Ace's hospital room pondering where he should start. "I overheard you so I know everything" seemed a bit abrupt and Ace would take it the wrong way but a "Let's talk" didn't carry enough weight. Maybe something along the lines of "You're a moron and we need to talk" would fit better but Ace would not take kindly to those words. It was a hardship to think about that. After all, Law wasn't the one in the wrong in all of this, it wasn't his place to shuffle in front of the door, searching for something to say which wouldn't ruffle the man's feathers.
The door banged against the wall when he opened it making Ace jump on his bed. The young man was awake, the television set on a silly program, volume too low to really be able to understand what was being said. Still it offered a somehow pleasant hum in the background.
Ace looked at him in fright before recognizing him, his gaze taking an hard edge, his face closing off. Still, Law could detect the underlining sadness in the young man's eyes. Was it too soon for him to talk about Bepo's discovery ? Well, no time like the present. He hadn't settled on what he was going to say so just blurting out whatever crossed his mind would have to do.
"So," He began in a rather clipped tone before Ace could say anything unecessary. "When were you going to tell us that you have Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and that you are dying ?"
Well, it sounded harsh, and quite brutal. Maybe a bit too much but at least it came out the right way, Law thought. He wasn't good at beating around the bush.
Ace's eyes widdened comically and if Law cared a bit much about him he might have stopped there and apoligized. But he went on; because he was rightfully pissed off at the man and because someone had to tell Ace to get his shit together. Who better than a somehow uninvolved third party to do that ? And if Law liked seeing Ace squirm, well sue him. He wasn't nice anyway. He only cared about Luffy.
"You thought you could keep this a secret from everyone ?" Law said, his tone sickly sweet, dripping with irony. He circled the bed, as a shark would do around its prey, before leaning next to the window, arms crossed in front of his chest, standing in a rather dominating position. "That you could lie as you have lied about everything else ?"
Confusion, pain, resentment swirled in Ace's dark gaze as he stared at Law, not saying a word, too stunned to react.
"I know everything. I won't lie, I heard everything. Kid, Luffy. I didn't mean to overhear what Kid told you but I did. I want to hurt you and to throttle you because you hurt Luffy. Not only did you lie to him you even tried to put an end to your life." Law growled harshly, feeling his already thin control on his anger slipping further and further. "Do you realize what you've done ?"
Ace looked at him with something akin to shame and regret in his gaze but it was soon masked by anger. He didn't have the will to deal with Law right now. Couldn't he just get lost and let him be ?
"This has nothing to do with you." Ace tried to spat, but his words came out as a broken whisper. So much for a come back. Not one to pull his punch even if he probably should, Law replied in kind.
"This has everything to do with me. Because, unlike you, I care about Luffy. I am the one who's going to comfort him in the next hours because his big brother, the person he admires and love with all his heart, tried to kill himself !"
"Stop it !" Ace shouted desperatly. "You are ... you have no right... I care about him ! I care ! I know I hurt him. I know. I just... I'll make it up to him, I swear !" Ace promised, more to himself than to Law. He hadn't wanted to hurt anyone. His eyes swirled with emotions and they seemed to beg Law to just stop even if Ace wouldn't ever admit to that. He wasn't in any shape to listen to any of this. Of course he knew he had hurt Luffy. Of course he realised how badly he had hurt his brother ! But right now, right now he felt so out of his depth, so hollow, so miserable. He needed to be left alone, he needed to think, to get to terms with everything. He hadn't meant to commit suicide, whatever people believed. He didn't think at that time, he didn't realised. He just wanted to forget for a while, not forget forever ! He had... almost died... and ... he had still things to live, still things he had to do. He couldn't die...
"You'll make it up to him ? And how are you gonna do that when you're six feet under and he's crying, blaming himself because he didn't know you were sick ? Is that how you're gonna make it up to him ?" Law snapped, his eyes speaking murder, he seemed to be one step away from killing the man on the spot. He was a doctor, he could make it look like an accident.
"I... I..." Ace couldn't even say anything back. Of course it was true. Of course everything Law said was the truth but it hurt so much. Everything hurt so much right now.
Silence hang heavy in the room as Law kept on glaring at Ace while the other man thought of a reply. Why did Ace have to justify himself to Law anyway ? He was no one to Ace. Didn't have a say in anything.
"I'll mend things. Don't meddle." Ace said, shooting Law a dirty look.
"I'll 'meddle' as you put it, if I want to. I won't let you jeopardize Luffy's hapiness. I know you're dying. I'm a doctor, I know what this disease do. You won't be able to hide it."
"Who told you ?" Ace asked, because despite everything, he needed to know that. Needed to be sure that Luffy wouldn't know in turn. He didn't want Luffy to be unhappy, didn't want him to be hurt. Law didn't understand, didn't get it. He wasn't in Ace's situation.
"No one. You acted weird, I needed to know why. I found out in your medical file." He stated simply, because it was the truth.
"You pried into my medical file ? How dare you ?" Ace spat, tiredness and hurt forgotten, a burning anger taking their place. Anger was great, anger pumped him full of energy, made him feel something other than hurt. He could deal with anger. Could bask in this feeling.
"I dare because you do nothing but hurt Luffy and I can't let you harm him anymore." Law tried to say in as calm a voice as he could muster. Still, it was a fit in itself as he could feel his temper rising again.
"I don't want to harm Luffy ! You don't get it ! You act almighty and talk about things you don't know !" Ace bristled under the attack, defending himself.
"What I know is that you're dying and you are lying !" Law thundered, coming to stand closer to the bed, towering over Ace.
"I lie because I want to protect him ! Because I care !" The young man didn't evade his eyes, just hold them with an apparent disdain. At least both of them felt the same about the other.
"What a hell of a job you're doing ! Killing yourself, is that how you protect him ?!" Law snapped, unwilling to believe how thick headed his lover's brother was. Why couldn't he understand that Luffy needed to know the truth ? That he had hurt him enough and that he would do it again.
"It was an accident !"
"Yeah, right ! Even so, I can't let you lie to him !"
"Let me ? Let me ?! You won't meddle in this ! You're a bystander, you have no right !"
Tempers were flaring, words were flying harshly between the two of them, bottled up anger getting the better of them both. They wanted the same thing in the end but their means didn't meet. They weren't on the same page, weren't even the opposite side of a coin. Their ways to protect their precious person were too different. Irreconcilable.
"I have every right because what am I gonna tell Luffy when you're dead ? What is he going to think ? Do you realise he'll break down ? Because his brother didn't trust him enough to share his worries ? Because he was unable to see through one more of his lies ?"
"Shut up ! You don't get it ! I can't let him bear this weight too !"
"It's his choice to make !"
"No it's not ! I don't want to burden him !"
"But you will ! Because who is gonna be there when you die ? Not you ! You're a fucking coward and all you do is run away, you'll be dead when he'll need you the most !"
That quieted Ace down. Of course he would ultimately leave Luffy alone once he's dead but till then... till then he would try to do as if nothing was wrong. Because he owed Luffy some normalicy after everything, didn't he ? Luffy might be angry with him afterwards but Ace knew that he would understand. Hoped that he would. Law didn't get it.
"Leave." Ace said in a toneless voice, not wanting to further argue with this moron. It was like talking to a brick wall.
"You have to tell him the truth."
"No. And you won't either."
"If you don't then..."
"If you do, I'll ruin your medical career. I don't think you had any right to read my medical file."
Law's mouth hanged open for a few seconds before he gathered his wits.
"I'm a doctor..."
"You're not my doctor. You're reaction told me enough. Talk and I'll end you." Ace threatened him seriously. Luffy couldn't know the truth and if he needed to use underhanded means then so be it.
Law glowered at him and he pursed his lips.
"You're a fool..."
"I'm the one who's dying. You're a doctor but you can't do anything about it so screw you. I don't need to hear from you how I should protect Luffy." Ace said in a clipped, detached tone.
Law threw him a hard look and shook his head before leaving the room in silence.
TBC
Thank you for reading, feel free to tell me how you feel about all those revelations and if you liked all those confrontations ! See you next time !