Chapter 4: Choices Part 2

Bilbo woke up and ran his hand through his hair. Could he leave Thorin to die, knowing it would be his fault this time? Once was enough to almost make Bilbo kill himself in grief, would he be able to make it through a lifetime without his love? He knew there was a chance that Thorin still loved him, Balin had said so, but was it enough to risk the heartbreak? Was it enough to make a journey that would almost kill him and then be crushed by the dwarf?

Yes, it was. Even if Thorin were to reject him, even if he died of heart break, he would die knowing that he did all he could for his one and only purpose. With that, Bilbo rose from him bed, got ready and packed all the necessities he would need for the long trip back to Erebor. (And this time he did not forget his handkerchief.) He walked out of Bag End for the last time and memories came flooding back. The first time Gandalf had come with his fireworks and wizzpoppers; the amazement that showed on the tiny hobbit's face the entire night was one that brought joy to those around.

Then another time, when he was still young, he tripped coming up the steps still trying to get used to his overly large feet, and scraped his shin and sprained his wrist. His mother had been there for him, to pick him up and get him bandaged. Oh, how he missed her. More recently, when Gandalf came a second time to call him on a journey that changed his life in all the good ways and the bad. Bilbo remembered the day he returned from Erebor, from his family, from the place he thought was going to be home. He had collapsed on the steps, unable to actually make it into his house before he broke down in tears. He wailed and wept in grief. If any hobbit had passed him they would understand his pain, because his wails were that of a hobbit that had lost their love, their reason for living. Silent tears trailed down his face as the ache from his chest became more prominent. It was a half a day's journey to Bree and Bilbo would make it there just before afternoon tea.

Bilbo looked upon the gate into Bree, having crossed the lake by Huckleberry Ferry and arriving around noon. He knocked three times and was greeted by the gatekeeper.

"State your name and business," a gruff voice came from the lower door.

"Bilbo Baggins. I am here for a meeting in the Prancing Pony."

The man opened the door, "Move along."

Bilbo scurried through the large gate and head towards to inn. The stairs seemed endless as he walked through the hallway; he wanted to get moving, get back to Thorin. Then, the number twelve on the door in front of him shone brightly and he knocked.

The door swung wide and Balin looked on Bilbo's face, shocked to see him. Then looked like he was very nearly about to cry, "Thank you laddie." He enveloped Bilbo in a hug. "Thank you so much for coming."

When he was let go he replied, "Well I couldn't leave him. As much doubt as there is in my mind about Thorin being different; I can't leave him to die knowing that it's my fault."

"That is good enough for me, laddie, that is good enough." He ushered the hobbit into his room, "Come on in. I wasn't expecting you so soon or I would have packed. By the look on your face last night would have thought that you'd be a few days in your decision."

"This morning I had a feeling, I knew that you were telling the truth. That look in your eyes when you said Thorin might die was something I never wanted to be cause of."

"All right then, just give me a few minutes to pack up and we'll buy some ponies and be on our way."

They were off in a matter of hours. This journey would not be as dangerous, they wouldn't run into trolls, or goblins or orcs. There would be no fighting for their lives as they crossed the country side, just a long restful journey. Balin turned towards Bilbo after a few hours, he had been quiet and thoughtful the whole time they had been on the road.

"What are you thinking about, laddie?"

Bilbo blinked, shocked from his thoughts, "I'm just wondering what's going to happen when we get there."

"I wouldn't worry too much about Thorin, Bilbo. There are just some things that you can feel in your gut, and Thorin's feelings for you are one of them. I have no doubt that when we get there Thorin will be close to tears."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. When Thorin loves, he loves with his whole heart, even if the gold sickness made him forget that for a time, he could have never lived for long if you had died, or left. He would have never been able to have a fulfilling life without his One."

Bilbo smiled sadly, "I understand, hobbits have similar types of things, but we don't have name for them. I assume all magical creatures do. Humans are known for brothels and divorce and unclean love. To me it is one of the most precious things, which is why I am terrified of the Gold Sickness taking Thorin away from me. I never want that to happen again."

Balin could only shake his head, he couldn't understand what it felt like for Bilbo but he knew it must be painful. For dwarves it was like having a piece of your soul ripped out.

"Don't worry too much, he will be overjoyed to know that you still love him."

Sorry that was short, but college starts on Monday and I just moved in to the dorms! Not a lot of time to write, unfortunately. The next chapter will try to be longer! Until next time,

Mystic