A/N: Hi ! It's finally me again ! I'm so sorry for the delay, once again life got in my way (school and exams, you know the drill) but now, I'm in vacation ! Yeah ! I'm searching – at this point praying – for an internship for this summer but so far, no luck. So, I'll have more time to write I guess ! I hope you enjoy, feel free to drop a line !
I just wanted to thank all of you for your lovely comments on Chapter 16 ! This chapter got so many reviews I'm really glad a lot of you enjoyed it ! Thank you for still bearing with me despite my lack of updating !
Special thanks to himmelblu , I used one of her idea in this chapter ! It's actually better than it would have been so thank you for your help ! :D
Chapter 17: The Darkness at the End of the Tunnel
Izo had been knocking on the door for a good ten minutes. Okay, maybe juste two but still, it felt like forever. Ace wasn't replying. No sound could be heard from the flat but Izo knew the young man was in there, the light was still on in the kitchen.
"Ace ! Open this door !"
Izo didn't know why Ace wouldn't let him in, he hadn't done anything bad per say. He had seen Kid but nothing had come out of it so Ace couldn't be pissed off at him for that.
"Ace, please, don't be a child !" He said, his tone becoming snappish. It was early in the morning, he was cold, and it had been days since he last heard from his friend. It wasn't that strange with the state of their relationship this days but Ace hadn't been replying to his messages lately and he hadn't returned any of his calls from yesterday. And Izo had called him a good many times. Bordering on the stalkerish behaviour line. But well... so anyway, here was Izo, worried and admittedly a bit pissed, banging on Ace's front door.
"I don't think he's in." A croaky voice chimed in from behind.
Izo started and whirled around, surprised at hearing anyone behind him. He came face to face with a little man, his face incredibly wrinkled and weathered. His eyes were kind, sparkling with an hapiness than came from a good life. His lips were set in a small smile, not showing teeth but kind, inspiring trust. He had a more brown than green hat perched on his bald head and wore a patched up beige cardigan.
"You're looking for Ace aren't you ?" He asked, his smile fadding somehow, a sad glint in his eyes, his body tensing a bit.
"Yes... Do you know where he is ?" Izo asked, suddenly worried. Without noticing, he began to fiddle with his handbag.
"I'm not sure, but I saw an ambulance two nights ago and I think they took him."
"An ambulance ?" Izo nearly shouted in surprise. "What happened ?"
"I don't know, I just saw blue and red lights so I peeked through my curtains. I'm not usually a gossip but it was surprising so I took a look."
"Are you sure it was him ?" Izo asked, his voice nearly pleading for the old man to be wrong.
"Pretty sure. You should check the hospital but I'm pretty sure it was him." He asserted, nodding his head, his hat nearly falling to the floor.
"I will. Thank you, sir." Izo said politely, bowing slightly, worry gnawing at him.
"Oh no need to call me sir, I'm Hector. I just live three doors away with my cats."
"Well, thank you Hector ! Have a nice day !" Izo said, already running down the stairs, not willing to lose a minute to get to Ace.
An ambulance ? The hospital ? What the hell happened ? And why wasn't he aware of such a thing ? Taking out his phone he called Thatch but was sent to his voicemail, anguish making his voice shake.
"Hey, hum, okay deep breath, I've gone to see Ace but now I'm going to the hospital... it's crazy. His neighbour told me he was there. I don't know what happened, I'm worried. I .. I hope that ... okay don't go there Izo, it will be fine. I'll call you back later to keep you updated. Love you."
- Letting go -
It was already morning. A little after nine maybe and Ace hadn't slept a wink. Or it seemed that way. His brain couldn't shut down for a minute. He was angry and the next minute, in a pit of despair. Anger brought him back each and every time, a blinding rage, hot and consuming. He was so angry at everything. Angry at Kid, angry at Marco, angry at Law, but more than anything else, angry at his life for playing such a trick on him. Anger was great. It fuelled him. But soon, he would fall back down as a stray thought, a damning thought, passed through his mind. His guilt about Luffy, his despair about his disease, his coming death.
He was exhausted. Drained. But he couldn't stop the swirling mess of feelings and memories that kept him awake, that kept on flashing through his mind, vivid renditions of the worst moments of his life. At times, fear would battle with his anger, nearly overtaking him, choking him, making him shake.
He had nearly died.
He hadn't thought about it. Hadn't really realised he had tried to... tried to end his life. He hadn't meant to ! He had lost control for a bit. He hadn't been feeling well and he had drunk too much. He hadn't wanted to die. He didn't want to die.
Now he was scared. Scared to die.
He wanted to live. He wanted to live what was left of his life to the fullest. He wanted to cling on his life. He had just realised that now. It had taken nearly dying for him to realise that.
He had never feared death. No one so young would fear death without a reason. You're young, you have your whole life before you, you can take risks, you can court danger, you can go and get drunk in Vegas, lose all your money and sleep with whoever and then in the morning pack your suitcase and decide to live in Perù to start over your whole life !
Ace knew he didn't have those options anymore, realised he only had a few years to live if he was lucky. The word sounded mocking in his own head. To some extend he understood that he would die but it had never seemed real. He had never thought it would be this scary. Not knowing. A few more hours and he wouldn't have opened his eyes ever again. He was mortal. He was sick. He would die. And it scared him to death. In the end, he hadn't accepted his condition at all. He had only copped with it as best as he could: by burying everything under layers of denial. But here he was, in the hospital after a failed attempt on his own life. Scared out of his wits. Lost. Alone. Afraid. Angry.
He was trying to hold on to this feeling. Onto his anger. It was keeping him awake but also away from his torment. It kept things at bay. For the time being, it would have to do. He couldn't stay here and wallow. He couldn't give up. He wanted to live now. He had things he wanted to do. People to punch. His life to get back on track. He didn't want to die. Didn't want to commit suicide and give up. It wasn't him. Him. He didn't even know if he was himself anymore... or what being himself meant. He had lost sight of the person he used to be. He felt like a stranger in his own skin, inhabited by fear, hopelessness and dread. It wouldn't do. It couldn't. He was also inhabited by a profound anger, a consuming rage. Anger would keep him going for now, would help him get through the motions, would keep his fears at bay.
He was angry at so many people, he had to get better to punch them in the face. He couldn't do anything about his sickness. He knew that. Had known it before and hadn't cared. And now he was angry at it. And angry at himself for ignoring it from the beginning. For living as if nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Ace was angry but more at himself than anything else.
Still, there might be some experimental treatments that could save him. Maybe there were things that could help him live for a few more years. He would ask his doctor. He still had his life to live. He still had things he wanted to do. Dreams he needed to fulfill. He wanted to find the love of his life and built a family. He wanted to travel all over the world. He wanted to discover new things; he wanted to see Luffy get married and have children. He wanted to be there. He wanted to stay alive. Anger fuelled him but a possible future kept him going. It was hanging right in front of him, dangling right out of his reach or so it seemed. But it was still there.
He had dreams. Big dreams, little dreams, hopes, wants. It seemed that he wouldn't be able to fulfill any of them. It made him angry. It felt so unfair. So fucking unfair. Why? Why?
The pit of despair was opening wide under his feet and he felt himself falling down, deeper and deeper. Smothered by the darkness, drowned by his pain, chocked by his fears. It wasn't right. It shouldn't be like that. He didn't deserve that. Didn't deserve to have his life ripped out of his hands. Despite everything. Despite who he was. He didn't deserve that, did he ? He had tried so hard. Had wanted to have a normal life so bad. Was it wrong ? Was it fucking wrong to want something like that ? Was it selfish ? How... Why ? Why him ? Why now ? Wasn't whatever higher power was up there bored with him ? Why this relentlessness, this dedication to see him on the ground, if not buried ?
His anger came back full force. He needed the feeling not to suffocate, not to let go. He was angry. Angry because it was unfair. Angry that he would leave a lot behind. Angry that it had been Law who had driven this truth home. Law who had told him that when he'd be gone, Luffy would be alone, that he would have to carry on on his own. And maybe, that was life, maybe Luffy would, one day, remember Ace as a fond memory, he would recall their best moments with fondeness, would tell them to his children and grand children. But Ace would only be that. A memory. Because he would be dead. For years. Life went on and he couldn't expect his brother to stop living because he wasn't. He wanted Luffy to be happy. And deep down, he wanted to be happy too. He hadn't been happy in so long, he didn't even know what it meant anymore. Or he did. It was stuck in his mind, happy memories that were now tainted by bitterness or hurt. He needed to live. He needed to live to get back at his fucked up life.
He had to live.
But he didn't have a choice in the matter.
- Letting go -
Izo didn't bother knocking, simply wrenched the door open, a wild glint in his eyes. He had ran to the hospital as fast as he could, forgoing any other mean of transportation in his haste. The heavy snow on the sidewalk had hindered his progress and he had nearly collided with crazy drivers who couldn't look where he was going. Goddamn them.
"Ace..." He wheezed as he bent forward, elbows on his knees, trying to stop panting, sweat running down his forehead.
Ace was lying in an hospital bed, dark circles under his eyes, a downward tilt to his mouth as he sighed. Sighed !
"Izo, what are you doing here ?" he didn't sound grateful, or even remotely happy to see him there.
Izo rose and furrowed his brows a bit taken aback and if he dared, vexed. Ace seemed fine but not really happy to see him. Not replying yet, Izo took a sit on the chair next to the bed.
"I should ask you that..." He said, stressing the word to explain why he was here himself. If Ace had been home, he wouldn't have come to the hospital. The fricking hospital ! "What happened ? Are you alright ?" Worry had crept into his tone despite the cold welcome he had gotten.
"Define alright..." Ace muttered wryly, before closing his eyes. His shoulders slouched slightly and he let his head burrow further in his pillow.
"I... Your neighbour told me he had seen you rushed in an ambulance, I checked here and they told me where you were. So... what happened ? Is something wrong ? Are you sick ?" He asked again, taking in his friend and noticing how utterly tired he looked and how vacant his eyes seemed. They didn't stay that way though as Ace surged forward, his tone fierce and defensive, eyes wide open in shock
"I'm not sick ! I... Of course I'm not. It's not that. I ... I...don't want to talk about it." He finished stubbornly, going back to lying in his bed, not looking at Izo.
"Ace... You always say that. It can't go on. You're in the hospital and if you're not sick and somehow uninjured, something else happened ... I'm just worried." Izo argued gently, tying his hair nervously in a bun, having to redo it twice in his haste. "I... I don't want to have to guess what's wrong with you. My mind can play a lot of tricks on me and..." He let his words die, gloomy thoughts heavily implied in the silence that was stretching between them. It seemed to stretch on forever, neither saying anything, only holding each other gaze. Ace's eyes scared Izo somehow. They were dull, so full of sorrow and of something he couldn't identify.
"I... I just... Please Izo. Not today. I just... I just need time to think and I don't need anyone trying to help me." He spat, though his voice was so faint that it was more of a whimper.
Izo was floored because he had never seen Ace so down. Maybe because he had never seen him at his lowest, but still. Ace seemed tired, defeated, lost. Izo wanted answers, his mind was pondering on what could have happened to Ace for him to be in an hospital and nothing was good. Especially because Ace refused to talk about it. It was scaring him. Down to his very marrow. He wasn't injured. He wasn't sick or so he claimed. He had an IV line in his arm. He seemed pale but it could mean anything. His eyes trailed down Ace's arms to check for any sign of self harm but they were free of wounds or scars. Izo wanted those answers so badly He wanted to understand, wanted to help. Still, he knew it wasn't right to press on. He couldn't do it. Couldn't because Ace seemed to be a breathe away from giving up. A blow away from shattering. And Izo didn't understand why. Couldn't. Didn't want to think about it. An ugly truth was profiling itself in the horizon but he didn't want to dwell on it.
No need to. It wasn't true. It couldn't possibly be true.
It could.
It had happened according to Kid. Before. Back in the days.
But what had triggered it ? If something triggered anything. It was just conjectures. Nothing tangible. Nothing concrete. Izo couldn't think like that. But nothing else came to his mind when he thought about what could have brought Ace here. Plus his friend wouldn't tell him what had happened. If it wasn't serious, he wouldn't hold back. Something had had to happen. But what ? What was Izo not privy to ? What had he missed again ? What had he overlooked for his friend to end once again in an hospital ? He wasn't sure it was because of an... attempted suicide but he couldn't dismiss it. Couldn't think about anything else. Nothing else would have warranted Ace's trip to the hospital... So something had gone wrong somewhere. But what ? Had Ace seen Marco again ? Had things gone from bad to worse ?
"I'll talk then." Izo said chirply, his voice bright, contrasting with the mess of swirling thoughts that was threatening to burst out of his skull. "I'll catch you up on my life."
And Izo began to babble about his trips, about Thatch, about a personnality test he had done about which Disney princess he was. Things like that. To lighten the mood. Ace hadn't laughed once but a few smiles had stretched his lips during Izo's monologue and the man counted it as a win. Though he was now running out of things to say and the conversation would soon go back to being awkward. Still, Ace seemed to be in a better mood and that was already something. So...
"Are you gonna tell me what happened ?" Izo said suddenly, having just finished a silly story about his last attempt at cooking. His curiosity had finally won the battle against his reason. "I won't force you... I - I'd just like to know... I wish I could help you."
Silence met his statement as Ace's face closed off rather suddenly. Wrong move then. His frame shook and Izo thought at first that Ace was crying before hearing a wry laugh coming out of the dark-haired man, bordering on crazy.
"You can't help me Izo." And maybe Izo hadn't been wrong as Ace's eyes glistened with unshed tears "It's just... it's just that everything is a mess and people are assholes. And I know that you want to help me and that I shouldn't be short with you or tell you to go to hell but... But I can't do it anymore. Don't ask Izo. I don't have the force to talk. I don't want to hash out everything. I ... I just want to move on. I need to move on. Please."
A glint of anger and determination was shining in his eyes, filling their depths with red hot rage that Izo couldn't interpret.
"I want to try. That's what friends are for..." Izo argued, a bit shaken up by Ace's reaction. He didn't expect his friend to be like this, whatever this was. It was hard to explain, hard to put words on it but Izo felt a deep sense of wrong. And he didn't like it at all.
"What friends are for ? Yeah I guess... When they don't fucking betray you." Ace spat venomously.
"What ?!" Izo said bewildered, wondering what Ace meant by that. If he meant himself... "I didn't..."
"Not you. But anyway." Ace was retracting into himself once again, hidding behind a mask of cold alloofness, betrayed by the anger shining in his eyes. He was beyond himself and Izo hadn't seen it at first. Had only seen the tiredness but now that he looked closely, he could tell that rage was battling with sorrow in the dark eyes of his friend. What the hell was wrong here ?
There was a soft knock on the door before a head poked through the door, gentle smile in place. A petite woman stood on the threshold, a sheepish smile on her face.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had visit Mr Portgas. I was scheduled to see you now but I can come back later."
"No need, he was leaving."
"What ... ?!"
"Please Izo... We'll talk. Later ... I ... I don't want to talk now. I just want – need to forget. Please just go."
Izo rose, not knowing what his best course of action would be in this situation. Sighing, he made up his mind.
"Okay. Rain check on that talk then. And... if you ever need to talk," he stressed the word with force, "I'm here for you. Really Ace, I'm here, you need to know that..."
"I know... I'm sorry. I know." But the young man didn't elaborate further, leaving Izo to make his exit under the watchful eyes of the woman still in the room. She smiled at him and closed the door.
Well, what a mess.
- Letting go -
"Hi Mr Portgas." The woman said again, smiling. "I'm Dr Linda Whitcraft and I'm a psychologist. Do you have some time to talk with me ?" Her tone was gentle, full of care and empathy.
The woman was a bit on the short side, her eyes framed by thick black glasses that gave her a professionnal air, softened by her round face and full cheeks. She wore white scrubs and shoes with small hills. Her blond hair was pulled in a high pony tail waving from right to left as she advanced further into the room.
"A psychologist ? I already told Dr Lenoir that I didn't need one... But do go on, it's not as if I could stop you." Ace replied, unable to prevent his bitterness from showing. He had told Dr Lenoir, again and again, that he didn't want to see anyone. He was sick, not crazy. He didn't need to talk. What would he say anyway ? Would he have to go back to the very beginning of his life ? Thanks but no thanks. No need to rehash that over and over.
"I'm not here because Dr Lenoir asked me to be and if you don't wish to talk, I can't force you to have an exchange with me. However, I hear anger in your tone. Talking about that anger would maybe help you give it more meaning ? Help you understand it ?" She said, not unkindly.
She perceived his anger ? Well, color him surprise... How could talking about it help him understand his anger anyway ? He knew where it came from. He didn't need some kind of psychologist to tell him what was already obvious.
"I fucking know why I'm angry and talking about it won't change anything."
"Alright, what do you wish to talk about then ?"
"Nothing." He spat out, glaring at her.
The psychologist seemed to assess him just by looking at him. Nothing in her gaze hinted at any judgment emanating from her but it felt that way to Ace. He had the impression that she was trying to study him, that she would try to make him spill his darkest, deepest secrets, that she would make him relive his worst experiences, things that were better forgotten forever. That was what psychologist did best: dig up the most painful memories of people. And Ace was done thinking about that. Done thinking about his past.
"I'm not gonna spill my life story to you in a fricking hospital bed. What's in the past, should stay in the past." He bit out.
"If you don't wish to talk about your past, maybe you could talk to me about your present ?" She tried again.
"My present ?" Ace asked wrily, sarcasm heavy in his tone. "What a fucking mess..."
Indeed, what a fucking mess it was... Everything was in shamble, blurred. What was his present anyway ? The here and there ? Tomorrow ? He didn't even know if he had days, months or years before him. He didn't know if he would have a future. He wanted one. But he only had his present. His messed up, painful, senseless present. A good chunk of his past had been rewritten by a douchebag hours ago. His story had been changed and things wouldn't stay the same from now on. His present ... ?
"Yes, your present. Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."
The first thing that came to his mind ? Easy to say. So many things ran through his mind. He stayed quiet for a long while, the psychologist not pushing him any further, not attempting to make him talk, letting him reply in his own terms, at his own pace.
"I... I don't know..."
Luffy. Kid. Marco. Sabo. His disease. His death. His life. Or what was left of it. There were so many things.
"Alright, maybe it's still a bit early to begin this work of reflection, I feel that you're still too confused." She still had that kind smile on her face, not at all angry at his lack of answer. "I suggest we leave it at that for today. But following this interview, if you ever feel the need to talk, do not hesitate to ask for me. I want to help you Mr Portgas."
The young man nodded numbly, not really caring about what she was saying, only relieved that she was gone and that she hadn't tried to dig up too deeply. He didn't even hear the door close behind her as she bid him goodbye.
- Letting go -
"Hi Linda !" Dr Lenoir called out, seeing her colleague going out of Portgas D. Ace's room. Dorothea's shift had ended a few minutes ago and she was on her way to leave but she had heard that one of her patient had been admitted for attempt suicide. And it wasn't any patient, it was one that was going through a rough disease. She couldn't help but feel for the young man.
The psychologist turned around and smiled.
"Hello Dorothea, how are you ?" She asked.
"Fine fine..." Dorothea began, fiddiling with the hem of her scrubs. "Listen, sorry to bother you but, Mr Portgas is also one of my patient and I'm a bit worried about him, I just wanted to know if he was okay."
"Ah yeah, Mr Portgas mentionned you during our interview. Actually I wanted to see you."
"What did he told you ?" the doctor asked, surprised that Ace would have opened up to a psychologist after refusing so vehemently to see one for so long.
"This interview was rather complicated as he didn't really want to see a psychologist. I didn't really manage to get a read on his inner psychic mechanism nor his relationships with others. That's why I wanted to see you to know if perhaps you know more concerning his family and friends ?"
"Ah Mr Portgas is in a really complicated situation... He's really sick but I can't tell any thing else as you can imagine..."
"I understand, don't worry." She reassured her, knowing that she was under oath not to disclose informations about her patients.
"I just... He was adamant about refusing to see a psychologist, has he accepted to follow a therapy ?"
"Unfortunately no and I'm not sure he will ever choose to begin a therapy."
"I gathered as much. Anyway thank you for those informations."
"You're welcome. I have to go so have a nice day." Linda replied, nodding before turning away, going back to her other patients, Dorothea leaving the other way.
- Letting go -
Meeting him was a surprise. Not a good surprise, mind you, but not a bad one either. An awful one would be a better way to put it.
It had to be somewhere around six thirty and it was already dark. The snow that had blanketed the sidewalk had been pushed aside, leaving it clear but for small patches of white and some ice. Walking was risky this days. Marco clutched his take out bag in his hand, wary of where he was putting his feet. He didn't need to slip, fall on his butt and break something. Going to the hospital would be the icing on the cake after his distressing day. Problems to handle, investors that needed to be coddled, endless business meetings. Marco was quite done with this day to be honest. He just wanted to go home and watch mind numbing television while filling his belly with delicious food. He could have called for something to be delivered but he had wanted to walk around a bit, get some fresh air. So here he was, defying the cold weather for some much needed comfort food, treading carefully on the thin layer of ice on the pavement.
He had thought that New-York was hard. But this was harder. Not only the job but the going back to this city. Everywhere reminded him of what he had lost. Everywhere and everything. Be it a coffee shop or a restaurant, the smell of fresh pastries or hot coffee. It hadn't been like that in New-York. Not as vivid and painful. Eveything here seemed filled with bitter sweet memories.
The 16th of January had come and gone. It was already the 17th and not a day closer to the day he would talk to Ace. He had thought about it. After his little trip down memory lane on top of this god forsaken hill. How cliche was it to go back there after so many years ? Cliche didn't begin to encompass it... Anyway it had made him think about himself. About his life. He had realised that he wasn't happy. That he was only going through the motions. He should be happy, he had everything: a loving family, an awesome job, friends. Still, he wore his broken heart like a cloud shrouding him. From others and from himself. He had lost sight of himself in this whole debacle. He needed to get himself back but he didn't know where to begin. Maybe he should talk to Izo. His brother was understanding. He would help him despite the shit Marco had put him through with his attitude. He was sorry now.
Lost in his mind as he was, he didn't notice the other man standing right in front of him glaring at him, unmoving. Marco nearly bumped into him and with a smile apologized before going on his way, not really aknowledging the passer-by. A hand clutching his arm and pulling him backward startled him and nearly made him slip. Angrily he shook the offending hand and turned around, ready to chew out the moron who had caught him unaware.
"What the hell do you..." And then, the identity of the man registered and Marco closed his mouth, his eyes narrowing in anger, his whole body tensing up.
"You." He spat, glaring.
"Me, indeed." Kid replied, his voice dripping with disgust and venom.
He hadn't really changed since the last time Marco had seen him, with his smug smile and overall unbearable countenance. He held himself with importance, glowering at him as if Marco was less than him. It had been two years, surely now Kid should be satisfied. After all, Ace had indeed chosen him above Marco. That should have soothed his ruffled feathers. Marco felt a righteous hatred swirling inside him, from deep inside his guts. God how good would it feel to punch this treacherous motherfucking snake ! But he was in public and he probably shouldn't do it.
"What do you want ?" Marco finally said with an anger that surprised even himself. He didn't know he still had that kind of fire inside him but he guessed that when facing the man who had single-handedly ruined the best relationship of his life it was normal to be a little angry... or raging mad.
"You ruined everything." Kid lashed out, making some strollers turn around and stare at them.
That was a surprise. He had thought that Kid would rub everything in his face and gloat about having made Ace his. Only the thought made him simmer with fury.
"I ruined everything ? He cheated on me with you. You seduced him! You did everything so he would be yours." Marco answered with as much disdain as he could muster. "And it worked so get away from my sight Kid before I punch you."
"You're always there. Hanging in the back of his mind like a fucking leech!" Kid went on, unbothered by Marco's reply. Maybe he didn't hear or maybe he didn't care. He seemed beside himself with rage and if Marco wasn't as pissed as he was, he would have taken a few steps back. "Why can't he forget about you when you're nothing but trouble ?"
A small circle of people had formed around them and they were whispering, listening to everything that was going on.
"Fuck you Kid !" Marco replied, not wanting to hear anymore of this.
Kid's words were strange to him but he didn't need anymore confirmation that Ace had been with Kid. He knew. It didn't mean he had to have it rubbed in his face. He made to walk away, fed up with this conversation but was stopped by Kid's laugh. It was harsh and jarring, like a broken chainsaw going on and off. Unsettling in so many ways.
"He's never looked at me ! Never aknowledged me because of you !"
What was that about ? Of course Ace had looked at him ! He had chosen Kid over him. He had cheated on him ... and despite the private detective's findings about the state of Kid and Ace's relationship as of now, it didn't mean that nothing had happened between them. Things might be over now but they weren't like that two years ago.
"He's been talking about you so fucking much since you've been back ! Marco this and Marco that, fucking crying over a bastard like you who doesn't deserve his love ! Who broke his heart ! I deserve his love !"
Ace broke his heart and not the other way around. Marco had been left on the side while Ace was free to live his lovelife with the moron right before him. Ace didn't have a broken heart. It wouldn't make any sense. Or maybe now he regretted having cheated on him and wanted Marco back and that was why Kid was making a scene...
"He should love me ! Me ! I'm the one who was there for him ! I waited ! For two years ! And then what ? You came back ! You screwed everything up !" Kid shouted, his eyes full of rage, his whole demeanour changing as if he was ready to attack him at any moment, shoulders squared, knees slightly bent forward, hands fisted at his sides.
Marco took a few steps back, raising his hands in front of him as if to tame a wild animal. Ace wanting him back seemed unlikely after their meetings. Something else was going on, something very wrong. Hushed whispers erupted from the crowd and some people even wondered if they should call the police.
"But no, he loved you. Loves you when you don't deserve him ! You ruined everything. He should love me ! But he never looked at me !"
Ace still loved him ? And didn't love Kid ? That was ... bullshit. Why else would he have cheated on him ? Why else would he have left him for someone else ? Doubts were rising in Marco's mind. Things weren't right. If Ace loved him why had he cheated on him ? Why had he chosen Kid over him ? And what was going on now ? Had Ace and Kid broken up ? Was Kid unable to move on ? But then, why bring back Marco into this when two years had already passed ? Ace obviously didn't love him anymore or he would have made a move. Probably. But he had only looked at him with hatred. As if his heart had been broken. Shit, Marco definitely should have talked to Ace, things weren't making any sense.
"And now, now he's in the hospital because of you ! It's always your fault !" Kid shouted before launching himself at Marco once again.
Marco eyes widdened comically upon registering what Kid had said. Ace and hospital ? Was he hurt ? Had something happened to him ? Why was it supposed to be his fault ? He hadn't seen Ace for weeks ! They hadn't exchanged more than a few words !
The punch aimed at his nose nearly touched him if only a passer-by hadn't grabbed him and pulled him back.
"Hey man, calm down, you're in the middle of the street !" Another person said, grabbing Kid by the arm.
Kid snarled and pulled his arm away angrily and glowered.
"He almost died and it's because of you ! Again ! It's all your fault Marco. You shouldn't have come back." He spat before turning away and making his way through the crowd, pushing people who were standing in his path.
"Are you alright ?" The man who had saved him from being punched asked a little worried. "It wasn't my right to intervene but ..."
Marco nodded, muting the rest of his sentence, not wanting to listen further. I need to go to the hospital. I need to go to the hospital. The sentence was on repeat in his head but he couldn't move, too stunned by the news. He didn't know what was going on and he didn't understand everything. Couldn't gather his thoughts enough to really reflect about Kid's words. He needed to talk to Ace. He needed to go the hospital. Ace almost died ? Died ?
"I ... need to go to the hospital." He whispered. "I need to see him."
Only, he didn't know what he would find or even if Ace would agree to talk. Almost died. But Marco would try. He wanted to understand. Wanted to know if he was alright. Wanted to know what the hell Kid was talking to know if Ace really loved him still. Because despite his best efforts, Marco hadn't been able to forget him. Two years was a long time. People changed, evolved. Maybe... maybe they could talk and see what would happen. After all, in more than two years, Marco hadn't been able to stop loving him.
- Letting go -
"No... let me through, I need to see him !"
Law sighed, running a hand through his hair wondering what was going on, again, in this hospital. It was always filled with drama this days. Couldn't people be a bit civilized ? Was it too much to ask ? Of course it was, not many people were able able to function like responsible and cultured human beings.
Upon arriving in the hall, he saw a blond-man, red-faced and panting, holding a nurse's arms in his hands. It could degenerate quickly with this kind of person. Angry, agitated, a bit lost. This man didn't seem to hear what the nurse was telling him, or maybe he chose not to hear. He seemed on the verge of losing it. Other nurses where around them, trying to talk some sense into the man but to no avail or so it seemed.
"What seems to be the matter ?" Law interjected, seeing that the nurses wouldn't be able to get this guy to go away.
"Ah, Dr Trafalgar !" The nurse who was being held by the arms called out, reflief clear on her face.
"You're a doctor ?" The man asked suddenly, releasing the nurse and fixing Law with his wild ice blue gaze. He was distraught alright. Sighing internally, Law put on his understanding doctor's mask on but he didn't know if it was effective. Shachi had told him that whatever Law tried, he still had this pissed off look on his face. Well, if people weren't always so... foolish maybe Law would be more lenient with them. As it was, nothing had made him changed his mind, except Luffy. But his lover was a special case.
"I am. You're causing trouble here. What's wrong ?"
The man had the decency to blush but he didn't look any less determined. So troublesome.
"I need to see Portgas ." He stated.
Law was taken aback, not expecting to hear the name of his lover's brother right now. He was so done with his shit... And once again, here he was, cleaning up his messes... because it clearly looked messy.
"Visitors' hours are already over." Law stated. "But the nurses probably already told you."
Some nodded emphatically.
"I ... I know but I really need to see him. I need to know if he's alright..."
"He's fine. You can come back tomorrow."
"I... No... I need to see him ! What happened to him ? Do you know ? I was told he almost died ? What's wrong with him ? I-I ..."
"Calm down sir, please. Mr Portgas is alright, he's currently resting in a room. He's fine." A nurse chimed in, resting a comforting hand on the man's elbow.
"But – But... I" The man's voice was shaking badly and he seemed on the verge of hyperventilating.
"He was admitted last night but I don't know the specifics. Though, he's in no danger right now, he's simply resting." Law said, wanting to make this man understand that causing a scene was no use.
"He's... I just want to know what happened. Why is he here ?" The man went on.
"I don't know the specifics." Law said again. "I'm sure you'll be able to speak to Mr Portgas tomorrow or to the doctor who treated him."
"I just... I need to be sure. I need to see him..."
"You can come back tomorrow." Law said again, knowing that it was no use getting angry. This man seemed distraught and talking to him kindly was probably best.
"Is he hurt ?" The man said, his eyes pleading.
"No. He's fine."
"He... he won't die ?"
"No he won't, he's just resting, he'll be okay by morning."
"I ... He'll be here tomorrow ?"
"Yes, he will be here." Law said as patiently as he could. Dealing with people wasn't his thing.
The man nodded but made no move to leave, wringing his hands, his gaze straying to the stairs leading to the patients' rooms.
Sighing, Law decided to once again take it upon himself to be nice.
"Do you want to write a note ? I can give it to him if he's awake."
Who was this guy anyway ? Law had never seen him around and he seemed beside himself with worry... Not that he kept tab on the people that Ace knew but still, Luffy liked to mention Ace's friends every now and then, describing them with great details and this man didn't ring any bell.
"No, no it's fine... I just – I just need to talk to him... see if he's alright. Just talk. Yeah, talking is great." He nodded, probably agreeing with himself, a wry smile curling his lips.
"For now, visitors' hours are over, but you can come back tomorrow morning at eight."
"Yeah, yeah. I'll do that. I'll come back. I..." the man shook his head and took a deep breath. "As long as he's fine, it can wait. I'm sorry to have bothered you Doctor..."
"Trafalgar Law."
The man seemed to have calmed down a bit and appeared more in control of his emotion and feelings.
"Newgate Marco. I'll just ... I'll just come back tomorrow. I apologize for causing trouble. I might have been a bit on edge."
A bit was putting it lightly but anyway. The situation was defused and Law could go back to his patients before going home. But... Marco Newgate ? That name was ringing a bell in his mind but Law didn't remember exactly why... Marco Newgate ? He knew Ace ? And Law didn't know of him ?
Oh.
Oh, that was going to suck.
Drama alright. Ace's ex. Great.
- Letting go -
Law wasn't a nice man. And he liked that about himself. He wasn't apologetic and usually didn't bother being nice to people. It just wasn't in his blood. He was a surgeon. To be one, you had to at least be a little bit deranged, or so Shachi liked to point out. It was fine, Law didn't mind. He was strange and he couldn't care less. Still, this past few days, he had been a little too nice. Especially to Ace and it pissed him off. Especially because the man wasn't grateful. Or even nice. But Law did it nonetheless. For Luffy. Even if it made his stomach ache with unease and revolt at the mere thought of once again doing something nice, he knew he had to. Sighing, he opened Ace's door and without leaving any room for him to speak or to insult him, Law just began talking.
"Newgate Marco was here. He wanted to see you but visitors' hours are over for today. He'll come back tomorrow. I just wanted to warn you beforehand. I signed your discharged papers, you can leave in the morning. Before eight."
He didn't bother waiting for a reply, only set down the papers on the bedside table before going out. Being nice sucked. It was just so hard and not rewarding. Maybe he should go snuggle with his little lover to reward himself. Oh the thing he would do to him for such an act of utter altruism. He deserved a pat on the back. And a blowjob.
A/N: That's it for this chapter ! I hope you enjoyed it ! Don't hesitate to drop me a line or to hypothesize about what's gonna happen next ! See you next chapter !