Here it is ! I don't have much to say except, enjoy ! I hope you'll like this chapter ! And it's extra long today !
Special thanks to Fushicho92 who beta-ed this chapter ! All mistakes are still mine though ;)
Chapitre 19 : The (Winding) Path toward Redemption
"I fucked up."
"Language, son," Edward Newgate chided his son lightly, raising his head and closing the book he was reading. He had heard the front door open, but didn't know which one of his children would arrive. It was rare that they would come unannounced, but not unheard of. Everyone had a key to his place.
Edward was sitting in his large armchair by the window, letting the sun warm his skin after so many days of rain and clouds. It was close to eleven and he would soon have to start cooking for lunch. Marco hadn't taken a seat yet, simply standing there, probably debating about the best course of action. The elder man raised one of his eyebrows as if to ask what was wrong, not needing to voice out his question and waiting for Marco to talk at his own pace. He had always responded better to such an approach and by now, Edward knew how he worked.
His son was now pacing around the room quickly, pushing his hands through his hair quite a few times. He seemed agitated, anxious and a bit lost.
"I messed up, Dad." He finally said, letting himself fall in one of the plush couches near the armchair his father occupied.
His father hummed noncommittally, not wanting to assume what was wrong even if he could guess. His past conversations with Izo and Marco had been enlightening and he had known that sooner or later, something would go wrong. Keeping your feelings to yourself wasn't the best way to manage them, Edward knew that.
"I – I don't even know where to begin! I just... I just know that I... that I broke everything..." his voice was but a whisper.
He had come to his father in need of advice. What else could he have done ? Drink himself to oblivion? Been there, done that, not a good idea. So he had come running to his father. Edward Newgate was probably the least judgmental person he knew, and that was what he needed, someone to listen to him without judging him for what he had done. The elder man had always helped him throughout his life, had always been there when he needed him and now that everything was in shambles, he was once again the little boy in need of guidance, that he had been years ago and had never stopped being. You never outgrow your need for your parents, because they held a wisdom you didn't – or so it seemed. Still, now that he was here, he didn't know what to say or how to put things into words. His mind was still reeling with all the information he had gotten, with everything he had learned, with the truth.
"Ace is... I didn't know... I just thought that..." He was just so confused, he still hadn't had the time to piece things together on his own, so how could he even explain everything?
"If you don't want to talk it's fine, son, you can stay here as long as you want. Maybe sleep a little, you look like you need it," Edward told him gently, a kind smile on his face, intending to soothe him.
"I don't think I can sleep," Marco replied, brows furrowed, emotions bleeding into his voice. He probably wouldn't. He would stare at the ceiling, cursing his idiocy, thinking about everything, again and again. And maybe he deserved to be haunted by those thoughts, maybe he deserved to lose sleep for the pain he had cause the man he loves, maybe he deserved even worse.
"Well then, what do you say about a cup of tisane?" Edward asked, rising up and putting his book on the coffee table. He didn't wait for Marco's answer to go, he knew his son would follow. Getting a cup of tisane had always been a thing of theirs when Marco woke up from nightmares or had really bad days. Though a tisane at eleven in the morning was odd, but sometimes, familiarity was just what you needed.
"Liquorice and mint?" He asked as he fetched the box that he put the tisane bags in.
"Yes," Marco replied, a smile stretching his lips at the familiarity of the situation. He hopped onto the kitchen counter to sit and watched his father putter around, getting the mugs and the sugar out of the cupboard and then the spoons out of the drawers.
The kitchen was massive, the kind of thing straight out of those home-staging magazines. Very modern in mostly black and white with a touch of green, sparkling domestic appliances and a few potted plants. Edward liked to cook, especially for his family and he had invested in a fully equipped kitchen.
The tick-tocking sound of the grandfather clock in the corridor was soothing to Marco's ears as he just watched the scene unfold in front of his eyes. His father was putting some water to boil while glancing his way every so often. He was clearly worried about him even if he didn't show it.
With the mugs now full of hot water and tisane bags, Edward sat at the table while Marco stayed where he was. Silence stretched between them, but it was a comfortable one, a silence gained through complicity and implicit trust.
"You remember, when I decided to leave for New-York?" Marco began, holding his mug in between two hands, warming them, his gaze lost in the depth of the slightly green water. If he wanted to tell everything to his father, he had to start at the very beginning.
"Yes, it was a surprise that you decided to stay, I only wanted you there for one month to select someone trust worthy to run the operations there," his father replied, not showing a hint of surprise at the odd beginning of this conversation.
"I know. I took this opportunity as a way out. You needed someone there so I went. It was my duty, I was there not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. It was but an excuse to run away..."
"I wouldn't have forced you to stay in New-York for so long. You had your life here, our family."
"I know. I never told you why I up and left like that," Marco said before falling silent, musing.
"You didn't. But your siblings told me you had broken up with Ace so I gathered it was because of that."
"Yeah... Two days before you announced me that you wanted me to go, I caught Ace cheating on me with Kid."
"Cheating?" Righteous anger made itself known on his father's face, his mustache quivering, his brows furrowing.
"... or so I believed," Marco went on, his voice quivering.
"Believed?" His father asked, confusion swirling in his eyes.
"That's the worst thing..." Marco's voice was wry, self-deprecating. "Ace didn't cheat on me, but I didn't know. I thought he had and I didn't even try to talk to him. I just left."
Edward was frowning now, nonplussed by this story full of holes. So Marco had thought Ace cheated. But Ace hadn't. Still, Marco had left and now he knew that Ace hadn't cheated?
"Could you explain what happened? And how you came to the conclusion that Ace didn't cheat on you? I'm a bit lost."
"Yeah sorry, It's just... new to me too."
Edward let Marco gather his thoughts to continue his story, offering him comfort by squeezing his shoulder warmly which earned him a small smile.
"I saw Ace and Kid in a nightclub, kissing and then leaving together. Kid had always been promiscuous with Ace, he wanted him for himself, he had told me so himself. Even Squardo warned me about their closeness. Anyway, seeing them, I nearly lost it, but I decided not to draw any conclusion. I called him the next day and he lied to me, told me that he had spent the night with his brother. Which wasn't true, because I had seen him. I thought then that he was cheating on me and rather than being hurt even more, I just decided to leave. I'm a fool, I know. You don't deal with emotions by running away, you told me that so often, but I just... I just didn't know what to do, you know? And in those two years, I became someone else. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I'm bitter, hard, angry and rough. I... lived a life of utter debauchery, sleeping left and right, drinking more than I should have. Haruta probably told you..." his voice dripped with shame and he was still gazing inside his mug, not really willing to meet his father's eyes, even if Marco knew that he wouldn't see anything but love. His father was a good man like that, never quick to blame others and was understanding of their flaws and failures.
Marco was ashamed of his actions, even more now that he knew the truth about Ace. He had lost his mind in New York, away from his family, mad with grief, resorting to blameworthy methods to dull his pain. He had pulled through, because he needed to and because he had thought at that time that he couldn't let someone else break him. He had wanted, no needed, to prove to Ace that his betrayal didn't mean anything – even if it was a lie. And now, now that he knew, it was even worse. He had done all of this for nothing. He had grieved for nothing. Had broken up with the love of his life for nothing. And it hurt so badly.
"She did. You avoided my calls," his father told him, sadness coloring his tone. "I should have been more insistent."
His father had tried to call him a few times after his break up and even after he had decided not to come back but Marco hadn't wanted to talk to anyone. He was hurting too much to realize that he needed his family to overcome his pain. Alcohol and warm bodies had been his go-to cure and in the end it hadn't worked out all that well. He had stopped after awhile, of course, noticing that he wasn't getting better. Haruta had helped, bless her, by making him see how he had become. She had told him that he would run this company into the ground if he didn't get a fucking grip. She had been right, always was. After that, Marco hadn't been able to talk to any of his siblings, let alone his father, too ashamed of the way he had ran off, of the way he had shut everyone out, of the way he had led his life in New-York. His worst fear had been to dissapoint his father and he was sure that he had. Everything he had done was shameful. And yet, he should have known better because his father wasn't that kind of man. He loved unconditionally. His father had proven him that by talking to him as if nothing had changed, by still being the pillar of support he had always been. Their talk on New Year's Eve proved that even more. Edward had let him keep his secrets, hadn't pushed for answers but had trusted Marco to do what was best.
Still, despite his father's lack of anger or dissapointement, Marco needed to apologize. He hadn't been the son he should have been and for that he was sorry. He should have trusted his family more.
"No. Don't say that, I'm the only one to blame. I was the one who nearly severed all contacts with my own family... I'm sorry and I apologize for the last two years. I hope to make amends. I want to."
Edward nodded, eyes full of compassion and love. It was overwhelming and Marco suddenly felt silly. Silly because he had thought that his father's love could stop.
"No need to apologize, son. I and your siblings were never mad at you. We just wanted to help."
And Marco knew that. Understood it better now. They had all tried, in their own special ways, to help him out. All he had given them in exchange was the cold shoulder or worse disdain. They should have been fed up with him, they should have wanted to cast him aside at the very least. Yet, they all had been kind and accepting upon his coming home. Because they were family.
"I know. I'm back now and I'll be better." He promised. it wasn't a empty promise. He had almost lost his family in his foolishness and they were kind enough to overlook it. He wouldn't fuck it up again.
Sighing, he drank his tisane as he would a glass of whiskey and scalded his tongue, cursing and scrunching his face in pain. The liquid splotched dangerously in his mug, but it fortunately didn't spill.
"So two years passed with me living half a life." Marco sighed tiredly.
"And then I made you come back because I decided to retire," Edward said.
"And then I came back because you retired, yeah. I didn't want to come back. I was... as fine as I could be in New-York. I had made my life there. I wasn't happy, but I was fine. Coming back here... as I expected, it brought back memories and everything went downhill. Still, I can't blame you for making me come home. Because I missed all of you more than I thought. I missed this family."
His voice was hoarse and he was close to breaking down, but he trudged through his story. He owed his father the truth and maybe the man would help him, guide him, tell him where he had to go from there. Upon looking up, he saw that Edward was smiling at him, a warm and kind smile, full of love and compassion and Marco knew that he would be alright even if his whole life was a mess.
"We missed you too," His father told him, patting his shoulder with affection.
"So, I came back," Marco went on, because he needed to get it out now. Going through everything helped him see where things had gone wrong. "And one of the first person I saw was Ace. He was at Izo's for whatever reason and he looked at me with such pain in his eyes, I didn't know how to react. He should have been ashamed, you know? After all, he had admittedly cheated on me. I saw him a few times afterwards, but none of those encounters turned out well and Ace seemed angry at me, in pain at just seeing me and I chalked it up to regret? I don't know, I just thought that he had no right to act like he did because he was the one in the wrong... How foolish of me... When I'm the one who broke him... Anyway, I started to doubt things, I had questions about the past, things didn't add up with the new things I was learning and then I stumbled upon Kid, who told me something that made me doubt everything even more. I later went to see Ace and he told me the truth. He never cheated on me, Kid drugged him and kissed him against his will that night. But I didn't know and I left him."
To say that Edward was taken aback would be an understatement. This story seemed so strange and so full of pain. If Ace hadn't cheated and Marco had left without a word... This Kid character was also truly despicable.
"Ace didn't do anything wrong and I left him. Broke him. I... I told him I had met someone else. That I was leaving. And I never took his calls after that. He didn't even know why I left! He... Kid told him the truth a few days ago apparently. He didn't know and I... "
"Marco..." Edward breathed out, shock coloring his words. It was even worse than what he had thought then.
"I know. I'm a bastard."
"I'm sorry, son," Edward said, his mustache quivering with emotion, the only sign of his troubled thoughts. He didn't know what to say to that. On one hand Marco had definitely screwed things up. No excuse on that. Communication was key in every relationship. On the other hand, Marco had tried at first and Ace had lied about being with Kid... how wretched was this situation?
"You don't have to be. I'm the one who should be sorry, who should have grovelled and asked for forgiveness. Ace hates me. I saw him earlier today and that's when he told me the truth... He hates me, dad."
Marco had began rocking his legs back and forth, hitting the counter with his feet without noticing. He had such a miserable expression on his face. Love wasn't easy. Edward was sad seeing his son in such a state.
"I don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want me to apologize. I get it, I wouldn't want that either, but I... I care about him. So much. Now that I know... even when I didn't know, I couldn't help, but love him. Despite the way I thought he had betrayed me. I can't help it. Can't help my feelings. Dad... What should I do?" His voice sounded so wretched.
"I can't tell you what to do, because you're the only one who can mend your relationship. Things don't look fine, but you loved each other very deeply... However, before you decide to do anything, you have to realize that you need to change your ways, son. You don't deal with emotions by running away."
It was true, as it had always been. His father had told him those words time and time again. Running away didn't work. Marco knew he had to work on his trust issues and his father was too kind to point it out, but Marco knew. If he wanted Ace to forgive him, he had to trust him, to communicate. He couldn't let history repeat itself if it came to that.
"Do you think I stand a chance?"
"I don't know, son. You tell me. Sometimes, you have to take the bull by the horns."
Marco nodded, not knowing if the mental image of Ace as a bull was hilarious or frightening. Either way, he would do everything in his power to prove to Ace that he still loved him. That things couldn't be over. And maybe, maybe Ace wouldn't forgive him because God knew that Marco didn't deserve it, but he could hope. He had hope. Ace hadn't betrayed him. He hated him now, but you don't deal with emotions by running away. No more running then.
- Letting go -
The meat was cooking slowly in the frying pan and it would soon be time to add the vegetables, then the rice noddle along with some soy sauce. Ace had felt like cooking this morning. Slicing the vegetables in thin strips, preparing a salsa to let the meat macerate, putting the rice noddles in cold water. Mechanic, soothing gestures that helped center him, that and hospital food had left him with the need to eat some real, tasty food.
Luffy was sitting at the kitchen table, eyeing him from the corner of his eye with a suspicious look, chatting about mundane things. He hadn't said anything about Marco which was strange, but understandable. His brother didn't know he had seen him and probably didn't want to bring him up. Still, Luffy had seen him, Ace was sure. For one, his brother was casting him worried looks every few minutes – which could be linked to the fact that he just got back from the hospital, okay – but Ace had also seen Marco's cheek. Luffy had probably punched him and Ace felt a surge of pride and affection for his brother. That served the bastard right.
Ace felt somehow, not lighter, but calmer after having seen Marco. It was strange, eerie even. He hadn't wanted to see him and had left the hospital first thing in the morning. Albeit reluctantly, he had to admit that he owed one to Law, the man had saved him from a confrontation that he didn't want to have... and that didn't sit right with him. Anyway, for now, Law hadn't asked for anything in return so it was fine.
After escaping the hospital, he hadn't wanted to come back home just yet and had walked around a bit to clear his mind. He hadn't thought that Marco would come to his home. It had been painful and Marco's anger outrageous. At least now they both knew the truth. They were on the same page. Marco had left him because he was a moron, not because of who Ace was. Not because he wasn't a decent human being, not because he lacked in any way, not because he wasn't enough. He was enough and Marco hadn't seen it.
He had chosen not to believe in Ace, not to trust him, but that wasn't on Ace. Now he knew. Both of them did and it was freeing to finally know what went wrong, why it all went wrong. Marco was a moron, spinning this whole story about himself now. Things didn't add up? Well, fuck yeah they didn't. Couldn't he have noticed sooner? Even then, would it have changed anything? Ace was mad at Marco, hated him, but if Marco had come to apologize beforehand, would it have changed something? Ace didn't want to think about it, maybe too afraid of the answer. And what about now then? Marco had come here and knew that Ace hadn't cheated on him. It didn't make up for everything else. For the heartbreak, for the past two years, for the pain. No. Moreover, Marco didn't come to him just to apologize. He had wanted to see him to abate his doubts and clear his conscience. He hadn't done it for Ace. Hadn't done it to patch things up. Marco had broken everything and now what? Well, now Ace could move on. He didn't care anymore, didn't want to care anymore.
Ace suddenly winced and cursed as he nicked his finger with the knife that he was using to cut the carrots. Gingerly, he put his finger in his mouth and sucked on it for a few seconds. Deciding that it was enough, he went back to his cutting and his thoughts.
It was over anyway. Their story, their relationship - them. Everything. It had been for more than two years, and maybe Kid's plan had been wretched and maybe if he hadn't been there then Marco wouldn't have acted like that, but still. Still, he had left. Of his own free will. He didn't deserve forgiveness, he didn't deserve for Ace to even think about him. So what now? Was Marco expecting Ace to overlook everything? To just smile and get over it? Hell no. He wouldn't forget, couldn't forget. So live on it was. As always. Go on with your life. Never look back. That, at least he could do. He had decided, back at the hospital, that he wanted to live, that he had things he wanted to do, that even if his life was ending, he wouldn't wallow. He had done that enough. It was hard, he knew. There would be days where everything would crumble around him, he knew it, because he was strong, but was he strong enough?
"It smells so good!" Luffy raved, coming to stand right behind him, peering over his shoulder, droll already gathering at the corner of his mouth. Ace must have been more lost in thoughts than he had thought, having not heard his brother get up. The older brother only smiled and patted Luffy's head affectionately.
"Don't try to snatch something, you'll burn your fingers."
Luffy looked at him with something akin to outrage, mirth twinkling in his eyes.
"Law will just make it feel better!" He said, smiling widely and even if it made Ace cringe internally because he couldn't see Law as anything but callous and hard, he let it go. The man did help him.
"Is he... treating you right?" He asked, stirring the meat in the pan, not daring to look up. "Does he make you happy?"
"Yeah!" Luffy replied happily, a huge smile spreading on his face and a dreamy look appearing in his eyes. Ace had never seen his brother like that. He seemed so... in love with Law... "He's really nice and we do a lot of things together! He never screams at me when I mess up and I know that I do," Luffy went on. "He's there for me," Luffy stressed his words, looking directly at Ace and he couldn't find it in himself to warn his little brother against this man again. He still didn't like him, he definitely wasn't a nice, gentle man, but if Luffy was happy?
"I love him and he loves me. Don't worry about us," Luffy said, surprisingly mature for once, a serious look on his face.
He had grown up in the past few months. Was it because he had met Law? Maybe. Ace just hoped that Law wouldn't do anything to jeopardize Luffy's happiness or that no one else would jeopardize their happiness as Kid had done to him... this probably included himself, if he didn't want to look like a huge hypocrite. Having someone come between two lovers was the worst, he knew that now, he wasn't Kid – he definitely wasn't, he wouldn't play his little brother like that, he just wanted to protect him – but, maybe one day, his brother would resent him for his meddling. Law wasn't necessarily a bad guy, and if it came to that, Ace would make some efforts to play nice. He could do that.
- Letting go -
A day had passed since his confrontation with Ace and it was already late into the evening, close to nine. Marco had spent the day and night at his father's after their talk, thinking about everything over and over. He had even stayed one more day, comforted by his father's silent presence. He had had the time to think, indeed.
Marco knew he had fucked up and knew that for Ace to even think about taking him back – or even forgiving him – he would have to work hard. He would have to trust him, to show him that he wouldn't up and leave again. That he wouldn't break his heart. Easier said than done of course.
Marco didn't know where to begin. Ace probably didn't want his apology, probably didn't even want to see his face ever again, but Marco needed to make amends. Knowing that Ace hadn't betrayed him had made all his repressed feelings surge forward. He had never stopped loving Ace. Couldn't stop even if he had tried. But now, now that he didn't have to try to suppress them anymore, he could bask in them, he could scream it for the whole world to hear. He was in love. In love with a man who hated him.
Knocking on the door of his brother's home had never been so hard. It was cold, snow had began anew and Marco would be happy when the winter would end, he was sick of all this snow. His ungloved fingers were red from the cold and he could feel the wind through his coat, but his hand was still hovering in front of the door, unwilling to tap on the wood to signal his presence. He hadn't been kind to Izo these few past days, months and even years. His brother had only ever wanted to help him, had only wanted for Marco to talk and if he had... well this whole mess could have been avoided. I was wrong. How hard was it to say? Or even I'm sorry? Because he was. He was coming to his brother in need of help and knew that he didn't deserve it after having refused it so many times. Still, Izo would know what he should do in regard to Ace. He had always been better at dealing with emotions.
Taking a deep breath, he finally knocked.
"I'm coming!" He heard his brother's voice call out from inside, before the door opened. Izo looked surprised to see him, but he smiled nonetheless. He had dark shadows under his eyes, visible despite the make up that he had put on. "Hi Marco! I didn't expect to see you! But come in, I was just done eating!"
He gestured for him to get inside and Marco entered, albeit feeling a bit uncomfortable. The subject he wanted to talk about was sensitive and he didn't know how Izo would react. He was, after all, one of Ace's friend.
"Tea, coffee, tisane? Alcohol?" Izo asked, going to the kitchen, opening one of his cupboards.
"Coffee for now. Maybe some whiskey later on," Marco half-joked.
"Will what you came here for require some whiskey?" Izo asked, seemingly worried.
Marco didn't reply and Izo probably took it as a yes as he turned on his coffee pot and fetched his bottle of whiskey.
"So, I guess there is something you want to talk about?" Izo said, always the perceptive one.
"It could be a social call. To mend my relationship with my brother," Marco tried, not willing to appear ungrateful and only coming to his brother when something was wrong
"Yeah but I know you. I know this face, so I guess there's something bothering you that you want to talk about. It's odd, I thought I would have to hold you at gunpoint for you to start talking," Izo joked.
His joke was met with silence as Marco felt shame stirring in his guts.
"... Am I that hard to talk to?" Marco asked, feeling really self-conscious of his flaws. If even his brothers, the people closest to him, thought that he had became cold and closed off...
"It became hard to talk to you yes," Izo replied after a while, pouring two cups of steaming coffee. "Especially you and me... mostly because I badgered you for the truth about your breakup and because you shut me out."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Marco said apologetic, feeling like the scum of the world. He did shut Izo out, not willing to hear him ramble and prattle. How he regretted that now.
"I can't say it's fine, but we're gonna be okay, alright? We're family," Izo said, smiling slightly and blowing gently on his coffee.
"That we are." Marco nodded, at least glad that Izo was still the same kind and caring brother.
"So what do we need the whiskey for?" Izo asked then, eyeing the bottle, getting back to the real subject at hand.
"Ace," Marco whispered, suddenly unsure, biting his bottom lip without noticing.
Izo's face crumbled slightly plain pain on his face for a split second before it was gone. He looked at the bottle and spilled his coffee.
"Whiskey it is then. Want some?"
"Not now I... need to stay clear headed," Marco refused, taking a deep breath. Here was the time to tell the whole story, as painful as it would be. Izo needed to hear the truth even if it cast Marco in a pretty bad light. But it couldn't go any other way. After all, Marco was the guilty one in this story, nothing would make him look good.
"So?" Izo asked a bit impatiently. He was fishing, seemingly uncomfortable, squirming in his seat. He definitely knew something. How much, Marco couldn't tell, but only mentoning Ace had made the man fidget. If he had known about Marco's part in Ace's pain, his brother would have called him to give him an ear-bashing.
"You were right. I should have talked to him," Marco began.
"You two talked then?" Izo sat up, as surprised as he appeared wary. Definitely something fishy with his behaviour. Had he seen Ace too? Was that why he was acting like that? To avoid saying too much? He might know about Ace's going to the hospital then...
"Yes. From you behaviour, I guess you know he was in the hospital?"
Izo cringed and sighed, gulping his coffee only to nearly spit it out immediately, his tongue burning. Coughing a bit, he answered.
"Yes," He said matter-of-factly, knowing now that there was no need to deny it. "How did you know though?"
Of course Izo would be suspicious. Marco wasn't exactly on Ace's emergency contact sheet. Or even on the list of people he wanted to contact.
"Kid," Marco answered simply, not wanting to elaborate. He needed to tell the story from the very beginning, otherwise things would get tangled up. It was enough of a mess as it was.
"But he hates your guts!" Izo exclaimed, brows furrowing, as he took a more careful sip of his hot beverage.
"I know. But let me tell you the whole story. I just need you not to interrupt me. I'll tell you everything," Marco said, nearly pleaded.
Izo looked suspicious as hell, but only nodded.
"I broke up with Ace because he cheated on me with Kid. I already told you that awhile ago, but that was bullshit, as you told me. I fell for a trick, like an idiot," he said self-deprecatingly. "I ruined everything."
Marco then told everything to Izo. The same story he had told his dad, the same story Ace had told him. Everything. From Squardo telling him that something fishy was going on with Ace and Kid, to his doubts about Ace, to his jealousy, to Ace's supposed betrayal, to his two years in New-York, to his feelings upon coming back and then learning the truth. He laid his very soul and heart bare for Izo to see and tear apart if he so wished.
His father was pretty forgiving, even if he disagreed with Marco's behavior, he wouldn't have berated him too harshly. Izo was different. He had tried everything to avoid a situation like this one, and now that he couldn't really do anything about it anymore, Marco finally talked to him. How much of an ass was Marco? Plus, Izo was Ace's friend and Ace had suffered a lot these past few years and knowing the truth, of course Izo would blame Marco for the situation. Marco blamed himself too.
"I did this to us, but I love him Izo, I never truly stopped and I want..." Marco's voice broke on the last words because what did he truly want? Could he even get what he wished for? For Ace to come back to him? He had no right to ask anything like that.
His brother had stayed silent during his whole explanation, his face carefully blank so as not to let his feelings show though, his eyes were betraying him. They were swirling with anger.
"Ace is... you.. I can't believe you!" Izo finally exploded after having been unable to put words on his thoughts. "I can't even fathom how obtuse you were! Ace... he learned it a few days ago?" Izo then mumbled something too low for Marco to really understand.
Izo was livid. Angry. At a loss. He didn't even know what to feel. Ace... Ace must be in so much pain right now, he thought. God. He was probably mentally exhausted, on the verge of another breakdown. Regret was dripping from Marco's very being, his face set in a pained expression, he was slouched, hands shaking, resting on his knees, foot tapping the ground. Izo's anger abated at seeing his brother so down and miserable, but it wasn't gone.
"You're an idiot," he told him.
"I know."
"He had every reason to hate you back then and I doubted him. I told you that him cheating on you was impossible. What you did... you went right for his weak spot didn't you? Pretending to have found someone else. An easy way out. You trampled on his already thin self-esteem."
"Izo..."
"I'm angry right now Marco. At you, yes, but also at him. Especially at you though. I think somebody needs to tell you that you fucked up. Bad."
"I know..."
"I'm angry at you, at Ace, at this situation, at Kid! I never liked him, but still, I never thought he would do something so wretched. I want to kill him," Izo muttered darkly, clenching his fist.
"Get in line," Marco interjected half-jokingly, but Izo didn't laugh.
"It is so surreal. I almost lost my friendship with Ace because of that... I wasn't with him when he needed me the most and again now..." Izo rambled, lost in his thought. He hadn't been able to see the truth. Had let Ace get hurt. His friend. He must have been so miserable. He had been because Izo had seen him, but done nothing.
"I'm sorry," Marco apologized, looking repentant.
"You can be, but it won't fix anything," Izo spat, a bit harshly.
Marco felt as if he had been slapped. He sunk deeper into his seat, feeling so guilty to have caused pain to his loved ones.
"You're right," he finally said, because what else could he say? Izo was right. His apology wouldn't solve anything, wouldn't change anything. What was done was done. He already had broken everything, what was there to salvage?
"Sorry." Izo sighed, letting himself slouch in his seat. "I didn't mean to be so..." he stopped, probably not knowing what word to put there.
"Frank? Honest?"
"Mean," Izo replied not missing a beat.
Marco hummed, but didn't acknowledge his answer. Izo wasn't mean, he was just being honest. And Marco needed honesty after having shrugged it off for so long.
"I deserve it." Marco had to own up to his mistakes. As proof of his wrongdoings, Izo didn't answer to correct him or reassure him. His silence was enough confirmation.
"Can you help me?" Marco finally asked, wriggling worriedly in his seat, biting his bottom lip. He had come here for that. To ask for his brother's help to deal with this situation. He needed help, but knew that there was little chance his brother would agree.
"I..." Izo started, but stopped short.
"You can say no, I would understand," Marco whispered, eyes downcast, knowing that he deserved his brother's cold shoulder.
"Don't look like a kicked puppy!" Izo exclaimed in anger. "I'm pissed, but as I said, we're family!" He insisted, rising up and pressing his finger against Marco's chest.
"Thank you..." Marco said, wincing, but smiling nonetheless.
"Don't thank me yet! What do you want to do now?" Izo asked deprecatingly, his eyes narrowing, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"I hoped you could help me out with that too."
Izo huffed, but sat back, clicking his tongue as he thought about Marco's answer.
"You told me you love him? But that he hates you now?"
"Yes."
"Pretty bad odds," Izo noted, rubbing his chin.
Marco didn't dare to look up in his brother's eyes, knowing that yes, the situation wasn't ideal and even with Izo's help...
"But. Even if he hates you for what you did, he cares for you. I see it in him every time your name comes up in the conversation. He wished he could have moved on, but he didn't," Izo explained slowly.
"So?" Marco asked, not wanting to be hopeful, wanting to remain calm hearing those words. Izo was known for his talent at reading people and if he said that Ace cared, it must be the truth yet Marco didn't allow himself to hope.
"I can't say there's hope because I probably wouldn't forgive you in his place," Izo stated, not unkindly.
"..."
"But Ace is more forgiving than I am..."
"What do I do then?" Marco murmured, dejected.
"For now, nothing. You'll jeopardize everything by trying to contact him. You came to him wanting to know the truth, not to get him back or to apologize. If you go to him now, he'll probably get mixed signals.
"But I..."
"Anyway." Izo went on without letting Marco speak. "He would think that by making a move so soon, you'll either toy with his feelings or worse that you want to sweep it all under the rug. That you forgot about the past and now that you know he didn't betray you, you want to get back together. But you did betray him."
"I know I did, I won't forget about the past. I'll spend my lifetime making up for it if I have to!" Marco argued heatedly, his eyes full of a new fire. He had lost himself in his hatred and in his pain and now, that he had realized that it had all been for nothing, it was as if something had awoken inside him. All his suppressed feelings were rushing back to him. He was becoming himself once again, fueled by the love he felt for a young man he had hurt and betrayed.
"Hum. I would advise you to at least wait a week and not try to win him back yet. It would seem too easy, too insincere."
"So... I wait?"
"Yes. In the meantime I'll talk to him, see what he's thinking."
"Thank you," Marco said gratefully.
His brother would help him, would speak to Ace on his behalf.
"No don't thank me. If he truly wishes not to speak to you ever again, it's his choice and his right. I won't try to patch things up. That's on you," Izo insisted a bit brutally, his eyes taking a hard glint. "He's my friend Marco. I can see that you want to make things better, but don't hurt him or so help me God..."'
"I understand. I won't do anything to put this into jeopardy, I swear," Marco interjected. "I don't want to hurt him more. Thank you for listening in any case."
"Marco..." Izo sighed, his eyes soft as he looked at his brother. "Of course I'll always listen even if I disagree with you."
"We're family," Marco said, voicing it as more of a question than a statement, but his brother was quick to reassure him.
"Yeah," he nodded.
The both looked at each other in silence, smiling slightly, understanding that their bond wasn't broken, that Marco's behavior hadn't put it in jeopardy and for that the man was grateful.
"It's getting late, I have work tomorrow and so much paperwork left to do..." Marco sighed, beginning to rise. He wanted to go home as he suddenly felt incredibly tired and only wanted to sleep. Izo probably understood his need as he just smiled and got up too, putting the cups of coffee in the sink.
"Ahah, that's what you get wanting to be a fancy businessman. Paperwork. At least Haruta's helping."
"Yes, she's invaluable." Marco nodded, thinking of his over-achiever sister who had to put up with him these past few years. She deserved so many things. Like for starter, vacation time.
"Be sure to tell her."
"So that she can milk it till the day I die?" Marco asked laughing
"Exactly!"
Laughing a simple laugh lifted the heavy mood after such a tense conversation. It was great, good for the both of them, to joke, to live, to learn to know each other again.
Marco opened the front door and was on his way out when Izo suddenly stopped him with a few words.
"You know, there's something bothering me in your story..." he said, his tone uncertain, posture rigid.
"What?" Marco asked, turning around fully to look at his brother.
"All of it seemed orchestrated, in tiny details... but Kid is too rash. Too hot-headed. It seems weird that you just happened to stumble upon them in the night club on the night Kid decided to drug Ace..."
"You think I was set up by someone else?"
Izo nodded, thoughtful.
"Someone working with Kid then? But who would?"
"Who told you they would be there?" Izo asked, uncertain.
"I told you, no one. I went to the club because Squardo invited me to go... "
Izo nodded, as if to say, exactly. He probably wanted Marco to figure out his point on his own, letting him draw his own conclusion.
"Squardo," he stressed the name. "He seems to come an awful lot in this story you told me when he has nothing to do with it in the first place, don't you think?"
"Well... we're brothers. We were raised together even if he's not my brother on paper... he wouldn't do such a thing?"
"Who raised your concerns about Ace cheating?" Izo tried again, pointing Marco's thought in a direction he had trouble contemplating.
Marco didn't reply immediately. Squardo had. He had called him several times to warn him...
"I only tell you what I think. He seemed to be there only to make you see things that weren't true." Izo went on, seeing his brother confused face.
"He's family, he wouldn't do it," Marco tried.
"Do you really think he did it innocently?"
"He... was trying to help me?" Marco guessed, sounding more and more unsure.
"Do you really believe that? I don't trust him. He's always been sorta distant, stand-offish. Think about it. How did he behave with you after your break up? Or even before that?"
"What do you mean?" Marco asked, uncertain of how to respond.
"Was he always sympathetic? Thoughtful? Things like that. Do you think one hundred percent that he's innocent? He's friends with Kid... it's possible."
Now that Marco thought about it, Squardo was really insensitive. Always bringing Ace up in their conversation, rubbing salt in the wound with what Marco could now only interpret as glee... what he had once chalked up as Squardo's personality was turning out to be so much more... but was it really true?
"Do you really believe he's involved?" Marco asked, because now it seemed likely, but still.
"I don't know for sure, but Kid wasn't working alone. He's too much of a hotheaded idiot to have planned things in so many details. How could he have made you come to the nightclub anyway? He didn't even mention it to you, did he?"
"No, but maybe he didn't intend for me to see?"
"Possible, but I'd investigate if I were you, because... it's fishy..."
"I will then.." Marco said, unsure and lost in thoughts. Would Squardo really do something like that? But why? They had always gotten along pretty well so... there was no explanation he could think of. "I won't tell him, I'll corner Kid first and make him spit it out in case I'm wrong."
"Okay. Keep me posted," Izo said. "Don't do anything rash. Do you want me to come with you?"
"No need, don't worry. I'll handle it. And if Squardo did it..." Marco trailed off darkly.
"He won't be able to run away far enough for us not to catch him."
Marco nodded grimly. Izo then took a step forward and hugged his brother with force, squeezing him.
"I can't breathe!" Marco complained, smiling.
"Idiot. Be careful. And call me,"Izo said, emotions thick in his voice.
"Yeah I will. Goodnight Izo."
"Yeah, goodnight to you too. And try to get some sleep!" He called after him as Marco neared the staircase.
"I will!" Marco replied, waving without looking back.
This whole mess was just getting more and more complicated... Why did people have to lie so much? Laughing at his own hypocrisy, Marco shook his head in disbelief, taking the stairs rapidly. As far as lying went, he might deserve an award...
A freezing cold greeted him as he stepped out of Izo's and he decided to get a move on so as not to turn to ice right on the spot. That and he was tired. If he had to go and confront Kid of all people - his life was a joke, really - he needed to be well rested or he might lose his cool... And kill him...
Putting his gloves on, thinking about karma being a bitch and desperate to get home, he sped up.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter ! Feel free to let me know of your theories about this Squardo plot point or about Marco's redemption attempt ! Some of you wanted some Whitebeards' moments, I hope it meets your expectations !
See you :D
PS: I wrote a somewhat plotty-fluffy-with a tiny bit of drama- lemon One Shot about Marco and Ace ! You can go and check it out !