Chapter 3.
Sunday Morning.
The car ride to Donna's place was quiet. Tension hung in the air like a thick cloud. A cloud of things unsaid and undone.
Donna decided to break the awkward silence.
"Does he ever give you a day off ?" She directed the question at Ray.
"Only birthday's and holidays Ms.Paulsen." Ray joked looking in the mirror at Donna.
"Ray , it's Donna."
"I know Ms.Paulsen."
They pulled up to her building ,but before Ray could get out to open the door for Donna , Harvey was already out of the car on his way to Donna's side.
"What a gentleman." Donna said winking at him.
He just rolled his eyes. She started walking and he followed.
"Harvey what are you doing ?" She asked brows furrowed.
"Walking with you." He said casually.
"We might have had a few drinks , but I'm pretty sure I remember where my apartment is."
"Just walk..." He said gesturing for her to keep walking.
They walked to her place also in silence.
The door number 206 appeared before them. To anyone else it was just a door. But to them it held a deeper meaning. Here is where he showed up years ago and she'd let him come inside to do things that would never be mentioned again. Here is where they fought countless times. It was the same door that he walked out of the night he told her he loved her. The same door where she told him to have faith in Mike like she had faith in him. And the same door where he chose her just a few weeks ago. She'd seen him vulnerable , hopeless , pissed and mischievous right at this door.
She stopped right in front of it and turned around.
"Well since you're here you might as well have a coffee."
"Donna I...It's late." He put his hand in his pocket and looked at the floor.
"Suit yourself." She shrugged. She opened the door and walked inside. Before she could close it again he put his foot in to stop her.
"Just one." He said walking past her missing her small smile. He went to the couch and took off his tie and jacket , uncuffing his sleeves and rolling them up while Donna had walked by towards the kitchen.
"Hey just give me a few minutes, I just want to go and change."
She disappeared around the corner to where her bedroom was. He remembers its exact location, as if he'd been there everyday since the other time... He swallowed and sat down on the coach, resting his head on it. He squeezed his eyes shut, banning the memories.
Donna went to her room and took off the dress and her heels before putting on a pair of silk pyjamas. She took a minute to freshen up in her bathroom before she found the courage to walk back out to Harvey. It had been a while since he had been inside.
She walked back out into the kitchen to put on the coffee machine then got two mugs from the cabinet. She checked her phone for any messages. There was one from Rachel that made her smile.
'Michelle Ross wants to thank Harriet Specter for whipping up a dream wedding. Ps You two looked good on that dance floor together!!!! Love R".
She put down her phone just as the coffee was ready to serve and she poured it into two mugs adding a small drop of vanilla to both.
The sight that greeted her when she walked into the living room was unexpected to say the least. And very un-Harvey! She smiled to herself. He was fast asleep on the couch. She walked over to put the mugs down and intended to wake him up, but he looked so peaceful asleep. She figured that the week had been difficult and had only now caught up with him. She knew him enough to know that he wouldn't have slept very much throughout the week. Worrying about both Jessica and the fate of the firm.
She stood up reaching out for his jacket. Looking through the pockets to look for his phone. She tried to be as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake him up. She found it and typed in his password. This man really needs to be less obvious about his passwords , she thought as she found Ray's number.
"Hey Ray it's Donna, you can go home. And you know what? Why don't you take the day off tomorrow", she said in a soft voice, making sure not to wake Harvey.
"Thank you Ms. Paulsen , but I don't think Mr. Specter would..."
"I'll tell him, take the day Ray." She cut him off, being stern. He did deserve it, he was driving up and down in the early hours of the weekend. Time in which he could have been at home with his family or sleeping.
"Alright Ms. Paulsen. Thank you." He knew better than to argue with Donna.
She put the phone back in his jacket and took a moment to look at him. He had shifted from sitting to lying down somewhere between her telling him she was going to change and coming back with the coffee. His breathing was slow and deep. His face relaxed and one hand behind his head. She stood up and walked to the hallway, grabbed a blanket from the closet and went back to the couch. She gently covered him with it.
"Goodnight Harvey." She whispered as she lightly squeezed his shoulder. She was so close she could smell him, inhaling his intoxicating scent, a mix of his aftershave and himself. She was tempted to touch his face but decided against that. "Back to normal, Donna, back to normal!", she warned herself.
She switched off the light on her way to her room and got into bed. It took a long time before she finally fell asleep as well.
xxxxxx
Harvey woke up with a start. He sat up, looking around. This was definitely not his place. He recognized the space he was in though. He must have fallen asleep on Donna's couch. "Great..", he thought as he pulled off the blanket and swung his legs over till his feet hit the floor. His head was throbbing ever so slightly. He ran a hand through his hair.
Donna walked in at that moment. Dressed in white jeans, a silk green button up shirt and flats.
"Goodmorning sleeping beauty." She joked as she came to sit on the far side of the couch.
"Hey, I'm really sorry about this. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you, I closed my eyes for a minute and then well this happened." He said running a hand over his face.
"It's fine Harvey, it's been a long hard week. I don't blame you. Now would you like that coffee after all?" She asked.
"Yes please." He walked with her to the kitchen and sat on the stool on the other side of the very small kitchen island.
"So did you sleep well?" She handed him a mug with fragrant hot coffee.
"Yes I did actually." He said picking up the mug bringing it to his lips and tipping it so that the warm vanillia flavoured coffee ran down his throat. Into his veins, waking him up fully.
She tilted her head as she stood opposite him and watched him close his eyes as he took another sip.
"Good?" She asked smiling at him.
He just hummed in response. It surprised her sometimes how someone like him with vintage cars and a wall covered in records and a penthouse apartment could find such satisfaction in something as simple as coffee with vanilla.
"I gave Ray the day off by the way." She shrugged before taking a sip of coffee herself.
"Why did you do that?"
"The poor man was driving us around at almost one thirty in the morning on a Sunday. So I told him he could have the day." She just shrugged.
"Donna that's his job and since when does he listen to you."
"I know but still and also I told him that I'd tell you and he had the good sense not to argue. Don't you dare even think about calling him Harvey." She warned.
"Fine I won't."
"Good." Donna and Harvey fell silent then finishing their morning doses of caffeine.
" So what are you doing today ?" Donna asked taking his mug from him and heading to the sink.
"Probably just working. And then I'm not sure."
He looked her over while her back was turned. He rarely saw her in pants. He could count on one hand the times in which he had. She always wore dresses or skirts and she had great legs. They might have agreed to going back to normal putting what had happened aside.The fitting , the dancing and the near kiss last night. But he sure as hell wasn't blind , the fact that she was attractive , beautiful actually he could admit to himself. Just not to her although he did last night and he was glad he had.
"Well work can wait , you and I are taking the day." She turned back around just in time to catch him quickly averting his gaze. She had felt his eyes on her and just let it go.
"What do you mean by that ?" He asked very confused over what she said.
"Well like I said it's been a long week and work can wait means that today we're not going to. There's this really sweet little cafè that I want to show you. They have the best pancakes." She smiled at him.
"Pancakes ? Donna Paulsen has a soft spot for pancakes ?" His lips tugged upwards. Amusement in his voice.
"What ? I'm still human." She said shaking her head. It was a simple thing but it was true. She did like them and that cafè really did make most delicious pancakes.
"As fun as it sounds I can't. I really do have a lot of work to do Donna." He stood up.
"Harvey it's Sunday. Even you need a day off , I know I do. Besides this falls in the back to normal category. We've had dinner and breakfast together before." She reasoned with him.
"Yes but you don't normally sleep on my couch the night before." He argued back.
"Ohhh get over it. Look it'll just be a couple of hours and then you can get back to work okay ?" She was looking him right in the eye.
"Fine we'll go , but only if we can stop at my place so I can change ?"
"Deal." She asked him because he was clearly stressed and the week had knocked him for a loop. They also had dinner once and he'd said that he hadn't thought about work in the two hours they'd been together. So she thought she could take his mind off it for a while. That's what friends did. Back to normal friends.
They hailed a cab , a satisfying grin on Donna's face that he hadn't called Ray. They arrived at his condo and went up with the elevator in comfortable silence.
"Just give me 20 minutes." He said already on his way to his bedroom , shutting the door behind him.
She walked over to the sliding door and went out onto the balcony. He had a great view over the city. She just stared at the city before her. The events of the last week coming back again. They'd gotten close to that blurred line again. Not on purpose. But before she could start to over-analyze anything Harvey called her back to reality.
"So are we going to get pancakes or are you just going to gawk at New York ?" He said as he stood by the sliding doors.
She turned to glare at him. He was dressed in dark chino's and a dark v-neck sweater with a white shirt underneath.
"Yes we are , now stop being a jerk." She started walking towards him and he stepped aside. " By the way your fly is down." She smiled as she passed him.
He looked down and saw that it wasn't.
"Real mature Donna." But she didn't see the huge smile plastered on his face.
xxxxxx
The cafè was small and intimate. Only a few tables and chairs. Dark wood lining the walls. Sunlight streaming in from the windows. Small lights decorating the ceiling. The smell of coffee was strong and albeit small the cafè was busy.
They took a table next to the window. The waiter came over and Donna ordered for both of them.
"Just trust me." She said seeing the look on Harvey's face.
"So how'd you find this place anyway ?" Harvey asked.
"Rachel actually. She and Mike were out oneday I think they were looking for flowers for the wedding. There's a flower shop around the corner. And they ended up here and she told me about it."
The waiter brought their order. Coffee and their speciality pancake, apple and cinnamon. Harvey took his first bite and groaned.
"Told you." She said.
They tucked in and ate in silence for the most part.
"That was good , I'll give you that." Harvey said sitting back.
"Don't doubt me again." She challenged.
"I rarely do." He said not backing down. "So is this it ? Or ?"
"Is hanging out with me that bad ?" She quircked and eyebrow.
"No , not at all. I'm just asking." He said. It really wasn't. He honestly did have a lot to do. Secretly he hoped that this wasn't it. Because she took his mind off things no matter what it was and he didn't want to go back to having to face those things just yet.
"Well you could come shopping with me, we could try to find a mini skirt for you." She starting laughing.
"Funny." He said his face serious.
"No you can go home and work."
"Thank you Donna. This was nice." He said getting up.
"Yeah it was." She agreed standing up.
xxxxx
Harvey was sitting on his couch with his laptop on his lap. But work was the furthest thing from his mind. The one thing he couldn't stop thinking about was bright amber and hazel green. Lately is was all her. In his dreams , in reality and everywhere else. He couldn't stop his mind from going there even if he could he wasn't sure he'd want to.
He'd kept his distance over the years. Never mentioning anything about that night. Never making a move on her. Nothing. But since she pointed out that their lines were blurry he thought about it even more. And she was right. He had a big part to play in that. He called her , he showed up at her door and that was just the tip of the iceberg.
He clenched his jaw. This was not what he should be thinking about. They were on good terms after she walked away , after he chose her. There were things there that he didn't want to analyze. Something always stopped him from going to deep. But something was different with them. He just couldn't place it.
He went to bed and layed there. He would push this away. This was Donna his friend he had to just move forward. Or risk her walking away again and he didn't think he'd survive it if she did.
xxxxx
Monday.
"Quick to blame."
The day was bound to end with someone being pissed , someone being hurt and always someone in power.
Harvey had been in a good mood when he got off the elevator. Eventhough his right hand man was on his honeymoon he figured that he could survive 14 days without him. He kicked ass before Mike , he didn't get to where he was because of Mike. Although he'd helped him countless times. He'd always been good at his job and could certainly handle things. He was Managing Partner after all.
The day had gone well. Meetings, clients , law suits and so forth , all handled.
Harvey had some paperwork left and decided to stay to try and finish it before he would go home. It was nearing 12pm when Donna walked into his office.
"Hey you
, burning the late night oil ?" She asked walking to go and sit on the chair opposite him.
" Yes , I don't want to have to deal with this tomorrow. I'm almost done anyway." He said without even looking up.
"Well can you take a break for one minute and have a drink with me ?"
"What would we be celebrating ?" He asked finally making eye contact with her.
"Is celebrating the only reason to have a drink ?" She quipped back.
"No it's not , but..."
"But nothing Harvey." She cut him off. She stood up and walked over to where he kept his scotch and tumblers and poured two drinks before going to take a seat on his couch.
" Come on it's one drink and then I'll leave you in peace." She said gesturing for him to come and sit.
"Fine , but only because , I know you won't leave until I do." He stood up and took off his tie and laid it over the back of his chair where he'd already discarded his jacket hours before.
He took the glass she held up and took a seat next to her. He took a sip and let the liquid slip down his throat.
"I really needed this." He said before tilting the glass to take another sip.
"See there's a reason." She smiled at him.
He finished his and set the tumbler down on the table. He sat there just closing his eyes for a moment before he heard the clink of glass on glass.
"You always know just what to do and say." He said turning his body a fraction towards her.
"I'm Donna." She chuckled.
"Haven't heard that in a while."
"Yeah well there hasn't really been time these last couple of months. Being COO and Managing Partner has really taken a toll on.."
"You being a smartass." He cut her off.
"That too. I am not apologizing for that though."
"I didn't say you had to." He said before getting up to go stand at the window that overlooked the city. The moment had gotten almost too personal.
She joined him a moment later.
"You're doing a great job Harvey." She said softly. She knew that he doubted his abilities sometimes so she tried ro reassure him that he shouldn't.
"It's not that." He said shaking his head.
"Then what is it ?" She asked now turning her body towards him.
"It's nothing , it's just been a long day." He lied.
"Harvey , just talk to me." She put a hand on his shoulder.
He turned to face her.
"I don't want to talk and that's the the thing , I want..." His voice had gotten low.
"What do you mean Harvey , what do you want ?"
He takes a step forward. He's in danger of crossing that line. He pushes it and takes another step and another. Her hand slides from his shoulder to his chest when his body is but inches away from hers. He looks into her eyes. His gaze had turned a shade darker. It then dropped to her lips. Her mouth slightly parted. He then leans his head down slowly and until their breaths mingled. His lips almost , almost graze hers.
"Harvey , what are you doing ?" She whispers.
He pulls away and takes a step backwards.
"I'm sorry , I don't know what I was thinking." He clenches his jaw.
"I thought things were back to normal." She said her voice still quiet.
She was stunned but what almost happened. One side of her wantes him to cross that line over and over and over again , but the her rational side of her told her no. They were them and they couldn't go there right ? The last time someone did they almost lost 13 years.
"What does that even mean , we go back to smiling and drinking and flirting ? We go back to blurry lines ?" He said his voice now taking on an angry tone.
"What ?" She asked.
"You told me that after you kissed me when I said that our lines were clear."
"Because they aren't Harvey , they never were." This was bound to happen sometime. Their back to normal wouldn't last a life time.
"Harvey , look it was just a lapse in judgement that's all." She was trying to calm the storm that had started brewing.
"Like the past week ?" He countered.
"What do you mean the past week ? Nothing happened."
"It almost did Donna. More than once."
This was the second time ever that he admitted that something almost happened.The first was after the kiss.
"That was just..."
"It was just what Donna ?" He asked.
"I don't know what that was Harvey. Honestly I don't know. It could have been these last couple of months or maybe because of..." She stopped before she made it worse.
"You mean Paula." His pulse was racing now and because he had almost kissed Donna.
"Yes Harvey of course I mean Paula. It was a serious relationship at least for you and maybe after everything thing that happened. Maybe this is just you , I don't know rebounding." She looked down when she finished the sentence.
Perhaps it was, because it was a rough break up. He chose her over a serious relationship. It had been a month or so since it happened and maybe it was catching up with him only now.
"What did you just say ? You think I'd rebound ? With you of all people ?" He was getting more pissed by the second.
He realised after he said it how it came out and wished he could take it back. She stayed quiet after that.
"Donna that's not.."
"What you meant right ? Then tell me Harvey, what the hell do you think this is ?" She just shook her head.
"I don't have a fucking clue. And it's not what I meant." He threw his hands up.
"Well it has to stop. The last time one of us , and by that I mean me did something it almost cost me my job."
"Why do you make it sound like it's my fault ? You kissed me Donna when I was with someone."
"I know what I did Harvey. And I've apologized for it and I almost walked away from something that I love." She started raising her voice.
"You know you are so quick to blame Donna. You're the one that made that rule. And you're the one who said we put it out of our minds and never mention it again. So I didn't, I never did. And then you go and kiss me and that's not to mention the other things that have happened." He matched her voice now.
"What the hell do you mean other things ?" She was just as angry now.
"The night after I saved you , we were on your couch." He said knowing she'd know exactly what he was talking about.
"You mean the night you told me you loved me ? And then the next day you said that nothing happened when you know as well as I do that it almost did."
"I walked away because of your rule. And if I didn't then you would have !"
"What are you talking about ?" Now she was really confused.
"You don't get involved with men you work with and so you would've walked away , you would've left me if we.."
"If we what ? Slept together Harvey ? So you told me you loved me instead then said it was out of pity the next day ? And another thing I walked away anyway."
"Ohh I remember that trust me. You left me high and dry !" His blood was boiling.
"No Harvey I didn't ! I told you that I would stay until you found a replacement !" Her eyes were starting to water.
This was white hot rage. They had fought but never like this. It never got this personal. They always turned back right before it got ugly and they couldn't go back. But not tonight.
"I shouldn't have had to ! You shouldn't have left me in the first place damnit."
"I needed to ! For me. It was always about you. You needed this or that and I just had to do it." She challenged back.
"Because it was your job Donna !"
"Yes Harvey it was ! But it was always more. You always needed more !" She was on the verge of losing her shit.
It was true , she was always more but not in that sense. She was his secretary. She helped him with his personal troubles too. Whether it was with his relationship with Scottie or with his mother or when Mike almost went to prison. She was always there. Always.
And now here they were raging war from opposite sides of the line. Throwing accusations that imploded or firing bullets that would scar after the battel was over. The thing was that neither one knew on which side of the line they stood anymore.
"I never asked you to get involved the way you did !" He shouted back.
"Yes Harvey true , but that's why you hired me right ? I wasn't like other secretaries , that's what you said to Louis that first day."
" Yes and it was true you weren't !"
They couldn't stop.
"We keep going around in circles , we always end up here Harvey and I'm sick of it !"
"You have a rule Donna or did that just conveniently go away when you kissed me !" He was yelling now. The vein in is neck was throbbing.
"You bend rules to win sometimes. You risk a case to win. Why is that so easy ?!" She wasn't holding back.
"Because you're not a case ! I couldn't risk you !"
"You mean you couldn't risk losing you're secretary." A tear ran down her face.
"You were always more than that ! It was easy to risk cases , because I could live with the loss. I could live with the consequences ! But I can't live without you !"
"Then what am I Harvey ?" She couldn't take it anymore. It was now or never.
"I..." He started , but he couldn't finish.
"Just what I thought." She wiped another tear away.
"I'm going home, and don't you dare show up at my door !" She turned and started walking away just like she did when she told him she was leaving to go work for Louis.
He thought he'd never have to watch her walk away again. And here he was again for the 4th time in 13 years. Unable to move, watching her leave.
He still couldn't pin point why he felt this way. Why he'd exploded like this tonight. He knew he cared about her and he felt that he'd proved it on more than one occasion.
Things were different. They couldn't fool themselves anymore by trying to act like it was back to normal.
Neither of them knew what they wanted from the other and they had to figure it out.
How they went from having pancakes for breakfast to this he didn't know. He did almost kiss her that was most likely the trigger. But he didn't expect this, them ripping each other apart with 13 years worth of ammunition.
This was far from over. He knew that.
xxxxxx
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for the support on the last chapter and just the story as a whole ! Please, Please, Please Review if you liked it or even if you didn't. Reviews keep this story going.
Just want to thank DonnaRSpecter again, again for the help especially in this chapter !!!