I do not own 'Naruto'

While away

Now I'm sure none of you were wondering what was happening while Naruto was away. Well, you are now.

I intend to peak your interest on the topic.

This chapter is centered around four specifics.

The 'Former' Mistresses of the leaf were in a funk.

They were the most discussed topic in the gossip world.

They were once some of most respected and feared kunoichi in the leaf. Now they had lost their title and the respect with it.

Well, some of us...Anko thought bitterly. She got to keep her title as mistress simply because it was a waste.

It also affected them on a personal level.

Kurenai couldn't teach her team properly. Hinata would constantly attack her, both verbally and physically. It's amazing what anger can do for that girl. Kurenai thought.

Yugao had lost face in public, but it wasn't totally bad. As a member of ANBU she was constantly concealed to the shadows.

Anko had become a laughing stock. Everyone had heard the comment from Naruto on her going soft. Now she had to take it out on her victims in interrogation. That ended in quite a few deaths, which is the same as sloppy work.

Hana was in trouble with her mom. Anyone who's ever been in trouble with their mom knows that nothing else needs to be said.

Another piss drop in their sour lemonade was Naruto.

The boy who had made them lose control and then defeated them. There was a bit of humor in that. The old say of 'The student surpassing the master' rung loudly.

While they were upset at their loss of face, it wasn't all.

They had done the exact same thing to Naruto as when they first met him. They hurt him out of their own foolishness and showed what he was.

A boy just afraid to be alone again. They thought.

Now he was in a funk as well. He was questioning his relationship with his 'new' Himes.

All because we couldn't let him win Kurenai thought.

"ENOUGH!" Anko shouted slamming her Saki bottle onto the ground next to the other seventeen.

"What are you talking about Anko?" Yugao asked.

"We've been in this pity party too long!" Anko slurred "We've done nothing but drink Saki and eat Dango for the last few days!"

"That was all you." Hana corrected "You wouldn't share either of them."

"Not the point!" She yelled as she attempted to stand up "Sure we've lost our titles and respect." She paused "We still have our skills, our looks and our uterus!" With her words said, the kunoichi passed out.

Silence

"I agree with Anko." Kurenai spoke up as a smirk grew on her face "Naruto may have won, but we have a title even he can't take from us.

"What?" Hana asked.

"The Ice Queens of Konaha!" Yugao exclaimed in understanding.

"Are we not kunoichi of the hidden leaf village?" Kurenai asked.

"Yes." They answered.

"Are we not some of the most sought after women?" Kurenai asked.

"Yes!" They answered more enthusiastically.

"Are we not carriers of the Almighty Uterus?"

"YES!" They screamed.

"Then let's show this village who we are!"

"By paying the bill your drunk friend built up!" A voice spoke up.

The Kunoichi looked toward the source of the voice. It was the bartender and owner of the establishment.

In his hand was a bill, a large bill, their bill.

"Oppresive man!" Kurenai shouted as she kicked him in the ball.

Grabbing their passed out friend, they made a break for it. But not before giving a final shout of:

"ALMIGHTY UTERUS!"

A day later and a day sober.

They had a plan.

They would force-I mean give their men the honor of taking them out. They were not having simple dates either. No, they were going to paint the village red.

Who cares if they had a hard day?

Who cares if they had to work in the morning?

Who cares if they had to go on a S-Rank mission?

They would not be denied. They would go out a be treated to a lovely evening.

Sexy outfit? They listed.

Check.

Lovely evening planned? They listed.

Check.

Men? They listed.

...Close enough.

"So..." Asuma rustled for a topic "How was your day?"

"Could have been better." Kurenai grunted

"...How's your team do-" Kurenai cut him off.

"Don't want to talk about work."

"Well, what do you want to talk about?" Asuma tried.

"Just order your food." Kurenai ordered.

"I'm not hungry." He mumbled, he had actually eaten before he was kidnapp- surprised for his date.

"ORDER SOMETHING!" Kurenai snapped.

At least she's treating. He thought Right?

Anko and Iruka were in a bar that they frequented. Iruka to restock his supply or Anko to drink. Surprisingly it was never together, just separate.

"Hello Iruka-San" The owner called not noticing Anko "Here for a monthly restock already?" He asked, not waiting for an answer "I've got your two hundred bottles ready."

This caught Anko by surprise. Two hundred bottles! She thought.

"No, not today." Iruka answered sheepishly "I'm here on a date."

This time he did notice Anko, and he was pissed.

"Hey, you still owe me money for all the Saki you had!" He shouted

"Who, me?" Anko asked innocently.

"Yes, you!"

"Couldn't be!" Anko exclaimed.

"Then who?" He asked.

"You!" Anko accused, pointing at Iruka.

"Who, me?" He asked.

"Yes, you!"

"Not-"

"Enough" The owner shouted "Someone's paying the bill NOW!"

All eyes turned to Iruka.

"Who, m-" He was cut off by a slap from the owner.

"Hey, we'll pay off the debt." A new voice spoke "For a favor."

The three turned to a group of men. They were eyeing Anko with obvious intent.

She turned to Iruka expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?" He asked.

"Aren't you going to be a man?" She asked only to see his confused look

"They're just words Anko." Iruka spoke as if she were a kid "Besides, I thought you didn't care what others think of you."

I don't She admitted to herself But it's the principal of the matter. Anko grudgingly sat and though If Naruto were here...She quickly cut that train of thought.

"We'll be man enough for you." The man spoke again "If you catch my drift."

"Enough." Anko growled. Grabbing Iruka by his collar, she threw him into the group of men "Defend my honor!" She demanded.

They all stared expectantly at Iruka.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

And blinked.

Followed by more staring.

"FINE!" Anko screamed "I'll be the man." She looked at everyone there "I'll be man enough for all of you."

"Anko, I don't like were this is goi-" Iruka stopped when he saw her weaving signs.

Trouser Snake Jutsu

Everyone stopped what they were doing. "You're all my bitches now."

Kurenai was furious and Asuma was scared.

"What's wrong?" Asuma asked again.

It was supposed to be my night! She mentally raged. And he ruins it.

"I treated you to a nice dinner.' She stated "I ordered a steak, what do you do?" She asked too calmly "Let it go to waste."

"Well you were treating." He defended

Turning around, she slapped him. The blow had more force than Asuma had expected, it knocked him to the ground.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" She screamed "I order steak then you order steak!" She slapped him again "You don't go rogue and order lobster."

"B-but y-you know h-how I am with steak." He chocked out.

She grabbed him by the collar of of his suit and pulled him up.

"If I'm paying for steak then I better be getting some!" She snapped before letting him go.

"K-"

"Drop your pants."

Asuma wasn't sure he heard her right. "What?"

"Drop. Your. Pants."

Yugao and Hayate were having an easier time.

They had went to a nice place for dinner and Saki. They had a wonderful display of entertainment while eating. They were even having a nice stroll through the park.

But to Yugao, something was... missing.

Hayate had noticed that Yugao had seemed a little distant. He had wanted her to have a nice night out-even if he was forced into it.

Well, I know a sure fire way to get her to smile. He thought triumphantly.

"I have something (cough) for you." He announced, Pulling out a scroll, he unsealed a brand new sword. It was forged with her named carved into it.

She took one glance at it. "It's beautiful" She stated distantly.

Wow He thought If her tone was any colder I'd need a jacket.

"Let's head back to my place." She stated out of nowhere.

"(Cough)Good idea." He quickly agreed.

Asuma just laid there.

After last night, he felt so...used. It wasn't like all the other times where he was enjoying himself.

Kurenai pretty much worked him over. It felt like she was the man and he was a...a...a bitch!

Now they were just laying there.

"You were terrible." Kurenai stated.

She left the bed and began preparing for the day.

Anko took another puff of the cigarette she had stolen.

She looked around at her work.

No one in the bar had escaped her lust. Some tried, none got very far. Some fought back only to be poisoned. They weren't given the antidote until they submitted.

She looked over to Iruka who was silent.

"Well Iruka" She began "I had fun."

"..." She was met with silence.

"Not in a talkative mood huh?" She asked "Well I'm not surprised."

"..."

"I have to go see the girls so..."

"..."

"You should try screaming less." She stated distractedly "It makes it less awkward."

Whimper

Hayate had to admit he was disappointed. It felt as if the night before had been mechanical.

As his thought continued down their path he felt a shift in the blankets. Yugao was up and leaving.

"Yugao" He spoke "Why wouldn't (Cough) you look at me during?" She didn't answer "Where are you (cough) going?" He asked

"I have a meeting with the girls." She answered.

"Well (cough) can't you be a (cough) little late?" He asked "We (Cough) never talk."

She paused long enough to glance at him. "Feel free to raid the fridge but be gone by noon." She stated.

Ouch He thought pained.

As she made her way to the door he made one last attempt. "Yugao." He called stopping her. "I love you."

She closed the door.

"Well" Hana stated as she looked at her friends "How were your dates?"

"A disappointment." They answered "And yours?"

"I didn't go on one." Hana admitted, she stayed home and ate ice cream "No one wanted anything to do with me." She looked at her friends "Well, dish."

So the Ice Queens did.

"Wow, even I think that was cold." Anko stated to Yugao.

"Yeah, well... you're going to jail." She retorted. "So are you Kurenai."

"He wanted it." The former Genjutsu mistress stated "Even if he didn't know it."

A moment of silence.

"So what do we do?" Yugao asked

"We dump them and find someone else." Anko stated.

"They'd all just be a down grade from..."

"Don't say it!" Kurenai ordered.

They sat in a tense silence that wasn't broken until someone yelled.

"The Raikage is dragging Naruto back!"

The Village Hidden in the Leaves were watching a sight to behold. Naruto was tied up and being dragged through the streets of Konaha, by the Raikage. Unfortunately, said Kage forgot to gag Naruto.

"Unhand me!" Naruto shouted "I am the master of fear, the lord of despair!" He ranted "Cower before me and witness terror!"

"Hi Naruto-Sensei." The Konahamaru greeted, not the least bit surprised at the sight.

"Hi K-Corps." Naruto greeted "Do me a favor and tell my Himes I'm taking them on a date tonight." Naruto spoke to them.

"On it." They stated as they ran off.

"Now where was I?" Naruto asked.

"Witness terror." Samui answered for him.

"Thanks Hime." Naruto stated "Scream hosanna of anguish to Naruto Uzumaki, the all terrible God of fear!"

"Naruto?" The Third asked, before Naruto could speak he said "Don't care, where's my tobacco?"

"Right here." He handed it over before returning to his rant "Worship me fools, worship me." He screamed to the Raikage and Konaha civilians.

It wasn't until a few hours later that they left the Hokage's office. Apparently Naruto had caused an alliance between the two villages. After the agreement was struck, Naruto and Tsunade went at it. They didn't even stop when the Raikage asked to be let out of the office.

At this the former mistresses laughed.

They laughed so hard that tears fell.

Soon the laughing stopped but the tear didn't.

They were outright crying.

"I remember when Naru-Chan and I had sex at the most awkward moments." Anko stated. "He satisfied me."

"I remember when Naru-Chan was willing to treat me lovingly and still give me space." Kurenai stated.

"I remember when Naru-Chan would always make me laugh." Yugao stated

"I remember when he made me fell loved." Hana stated.

They sat in a silence of true understanding.

"So it's agreed." Kurenai stated

"We get off Naruto's shit list." Anko started

"And back onto his Hime list." Hana finished.

"Agreed."

"But will he take us back?" Anko asked in a rare moment of worry.

"I think you all know the answer." A new but familiar voice stated.

They turned to see...

THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE, I'M ENDING IT HERE.

THIS WILL BE THE LAST INTENTIONALLY FUNNY CHAPTER FOR A BIT-ANYTHING ELSE IS ACCIDENTAL.

SO WILL NARUTO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THE FORMER MISTRESSES?

WILL IT JUST BE HANA?- She didn't cheat on him.

WILL IT BE NONE OF THEM?

YOU DECIDE.-Everybody get's 1 vote and guests don't count.