A.N: Hey Guys!

I made this chapter EXTRA-LONG for you!

I'm using a quote from Neil Gaiman in this chapter as if it was Sydney's…I think it's so fitting with her that I took it, I wrote it in Italic so you would see it and don't accuse me of plagiarism :P

Please don't forget to review and tell me what you think

Take care,

Steffy2106

Chapter 13:

The next day, Adrian treated me with distant friendship, and I knew I screwed majorly.

If he had been angry, I could have dealt with that but polite indifference? It was hard to take.

He had warned me he told me he wouldn't chase me, and that if I ran away it was over.

How could I grieve over something that never really started?

I sat beside Mikhail in the private plane, and when he threw me a questioning glance as to why I didn't sit beside Adrian I just took my iPod and book out of my bag before mumbling a ' I really don't want to talk about it'

I knew it was going to be a long flight so, I picked up one of my favorite classic Anna Karenina. I didn't even realized when I fell asleep, but I was awoken by Mikhail soft nudge.

"Come on Sydney, we're about to land."

I opened my eyes, and realized that I had my head on his shoulder. Somebody had even wrapped a blanket around me.

"Sorry" I said moving, my neck sore from the position.

"Nothing to be sorry for, you looked exhausted."

"Did you cover me?"

"Who else?"

I smiled, "you are like a mother to me."

He chuckled. "Yeah…it just looked as you needed to catch a break."

I looked up and met Adrian emerald eyes.

"Slept well?" He asked politely.

"Yes thank you, I-"

"Great," he said cutting me off, concentrating on his newspaper again.

"Wonderful" I grumbled, looking out of the plane window to the Switzerland landscape.

As soon as we disembarked, we found a car and Dimitri waiting. It took all my will power not to glance at Adrian, to see his reaction.

I was staying in a room with both Jill and a guardian named Meredith. The room was so big that even having 3 beds didn't make it feel crowded.

In the room right beside us, were Mikhail and Eddie. I had to admit that Lissa did everything she could to keep her sister safe.

"The Queen would like to see you as soon as you are settled" Meredith said.

"Me too?" I asked surprised.

She nodded. "Certainly."

I opened my mouth to ask her what was the point of me going to this meeting, but I was pretty sure that the girl had no idea.

The meeting was almost as awkward I thought it would be, and I was sort of jealous that Adrian didn't need to be there, maybe being seen as a careless party boy was not such a bad thing.

Was I the only one who took him seriously? Was I the only one who saw that he could be so much more?

The next day, I was sort of happy that Jill was caught in Royal stuff with Lissa. It could give me some time to visit the small town we were staying at. When would I get a chance to go back to Switzerland?

I wanted to try the famous Swiss hot chocolate Adrian told me about, because I was pretty sure that after our fiasco, he had implicitly rescinded his invitation. I also wanted to find Eddie and ask him to give me some training, Adrian was right, I needed to keep myself safe.

When I went down, I saw Adrian sitting on a wooden chair on the back balcony. He was looking down at a glass of what seemed to be scotch. I was too far to hear anything, but his lips were moving.

I sighed, hating the idea that him being him around Rose might cause him hurt. I took a step toward the balcony, wanting to make amend, maybe save some of our friendship, but all the sudden I froze when I saw a mass of dark hair. Adrian was not alone on the balcony he was with Rose.

She sat beside him and reached for his hand. I felt something new in the pit of my stomach it was deep, and it hurt…Jealousy, damn jealousy. I was not her, I would never be her…not that I wanted to be, but what frightened me the most was realizing that I wanted to become her in his eyes.

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath before taking the opposite direction of the balcony, ending up to the Hotel bar was quiet at this time, but it was pretty early in the Moroi world, and most, if not all, of the complex was occupied by Moroi, dhampirs and human blood supplies. The last thought made me shiver.

"What can I do for you?" Asked the barmaid, eying me in a critical way.

I could see he was trying to decipher what I was, before concentrating on my neck…he knew exactly what his clients were, I was sure of that.

I decided to go crazy and try something with alcohol in it. It seemed to help Adrian when he was depressed it might help me too.

"Can I get a cocktail please?"

The guy looked at me with laughter in his eyes, probably realizing it was all wrong for me to be there.

"What about a 'Sex on the Beach' ?" He said taunting.

I couldn't help but blush, and I hated it. I stood straighter, "Nah, I'd take a Long Island Ice tea" I replied, silently thanking the movie that was on TV last night.

The guy seemed taken aback for a second, but nodded and started to prepare my drink. I saw him pour a shot of vodka, a shot of rum, a shot of gin and a shot of triple sec before adding some lemon and Coke with a straw.

Just looking at the drink, I could feel the ethylic coma approaching. I sipped quickly, and I was pleased to notice it didn't taste too much like alcohol. I took a long sip of it.

"Hey be careful doll, this one goes straight to the head."

I nodded, before going to sit on a table in the far corner. As I was progressing with the drink, I was not worrying so much anymore. There was some warmth that was settling in my chest, and I liked that feeling it was nice.

They should take Long Island bottles to an expedition to the great north! Drunk Santa I though and start to laugh.

"Hey Guy! Can I have another one?" I shouted to the barman.

He simply chuckled "Sure!" He said, preparing the second cocktail.

I was at my third Long Island when someone sat at my table.

"Syd damn it! We've been looking for you for the last hour! People are going crazy."

"Rose, Rose Hathaway….little Rosie….Rosebud…buddyyyy. Nice in the outside but full of poisonous thorns."

"I, what?"

I sighed finishing my drink, before waving the bartender for a refill. "You poisoned his blood, and there is no antidote. I can't be that antidote….I'm trying, but it just doesn't work."

"Syd you are losing me now. How many of those did you have?"

I grasped the full glass the bartender just brought. "Counting this one?"

She nodded.

I laughed. "It's my super secret, I'm like Vlaski."

"Who? Syd I think you had enough."

"Why don't you just let him a chance to heal? Give him the antidote Rose, he needs to get on with his life."

"Adrian?"

I snorted. "Who else?"

"You…Sydney! You like Adrian?"

"I…no, maybe, yes, it doesn't matter even Babinski won't get that."

Rose looked at me, mouth half open. "Syd…that's so…huge."

"But shhhhh, it's a secret."

"I…sure. Wow. Hey bartender hit me! No damn, Dimitri will bitch for an hour if I smell like alcohol." She sighed. "A coke will be just fine….diet, make it diet."

I snorted "yes like your body needs to be even more perfect."

"What? There is no competition, you know that! You are mistaken Syd he is not so hooked anymore, I realized he was healing…I think-"

"Oh there is a Karaoke machine!" I jumped from my seat and staggered, probably due to a head rush, but the wall was here to keep me up straight. "Hey can I sing?" I asked the bartender.

The guy looked around the room. There was maybe about 15 other person who really didn't seem to care. He gestured me to the stage, "Please be my guest."

"Syd I don't think-"

"I'm a peacock you gotta let me fly!" I replied getting on stage turning on the machine going through the repertoire of songs. I found the perfect song.

"This is for the dream walker who is also a heart stealer!" I said in the microphone as Toxic by Britney Spears started.

Baby, can't you see I'm calling

A guy like you should wear a warning

It's dangerous

I'm fallin'

I shook my booty like I never did before, and people were actually cheering. Alcohol worked in mysterious ways it helped with my inhibitions, but also made me so light headed, it made me feel good.

There's no escape

I can't wait, I need a hit

Baby, give me it

You're dangerous

I'm lovin' it.

I was lost in the song, but I still heard Rose argue with someone, and it was annoying.

"Why did you let her get on stage?" the male voice said.

"Oh come on, she can have fun! Who are you to judge? Eternal party boy."

"It's different!" He spat. "She can be sent away because of that. If the alc- If her people find out about that, it will be a one way ticket home."

"And you would be sad, wouldn't you?"

"Woulnd't you?"

"Not for the same reasons."

I shook my head, they were so serious it was killing my buzz. I had to finish my song, it was stupid, but it seemed that if I could finish it, everything would be alright in the world.

With a taste of your lips

I'm on a ride

You're toxic I'm slipping under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I'm addicted to you

Don't you know that you're toxic

And I love what you do

Don't you know that you're toxic

Somebody caught my free hand, "Come on Sage lets go."

"No I need to finish my song."

The guy locked eyes with me. "No, you need to let go now and follow me."

I felt a weird pull, like my mind was not my own anymore. I shrugged putting the microphone on the table, the song didn't seem that important anymore.

I was probably more tired than I though I was, because it was hard for me to walk a straight line, luckily the guy was helping me to keep straight with his arm tightly around my waist.

He stopped by the barman. "What did she drink?"

"Who are you to ask? Her father?"

"Your worst nightmare if you don't answer right this second. You know who I am, you know what I am."

"Four Long Island iced tea."

"Full dose?"

"Yep, we don't cheat on the merchandise here."

"Idiot!" The guy said angrily, resuming our exit. "Why on Earth did you do that Sage?"

"I wanted to have fun."

"This is not you Sage, you are better than that, you can't risk being taken away…we can't risk that."

"You didn't let me finish my song, it was just for him."

The guy sighed. "You are way too drunk Sage. I'll take you to my room I'm an expert on being drunk, I'll take care of you."

"I'm in love with someone you know, and we won't have any sexual intercourse."

The guy chuckled. "Only you drunk can still sound brainiac. But…you are in love?" he asked.

"Yes but he doesn't love me, he loves Rose."

"You are in love with Belikov? Shoot me now!"

"Who? The tall dhampir guy? No, of course not!"

"Who then?"

"It's a secret" I whispered.

"I won't tell anyone" he whispered back, as we resumed our walk down the corridor.

"Adrian.""

"Yes?"

"What?"

"Well you said 'Adrian' …" he sounded confused.

"Yes, I'm in love with Adrian."

"Adrian…Ivashkov?"

"How many Adrians' do you know?"

"Don't you recognize me Sage?"

"You are very pretty" I grinned. "But sorry I love him…as unrequited as it might be."

The guy opened a door and led me in. "Why don't you tell him?"

I snorted. "He wants something I can't give, and I want something I'm not sure he can ever give."

"And what is that?" He asked, helping me to sit on the bed before taking my shoes off.

"I want his heart and he wants Rose. I'm not her I can't be her…no matter how hard I try."

He helped me under the covers and tucked me in. "Maybe you should tell him what you feel, maybe that's what he wants to hear."

"But I'm not her" I whispered closing my eyes.

He kissed my forehead. "Maybe he thinks that you are more than he deserves." He whispered against my forehead before I fell into complete oblivion.

I woke up to the hard pounding in my head. I moved in the bed and opened my eyes to slits, the room was dark except for the small lamp in a corner.

It was like my brain was hurting, and my mouth felt as it was filled with cotton.

I groaned, what that my room?

"Sage?" I heard Adrian call from the other side, and it made me jump.

I looked at him; he was crouched on a small sofa. It had to be a torture for his tall frame.

"Adrian?"

He came toward me and rested his blissfully cold hand on my forehead. "How are you doing Sage? How is the head?"

"So painful" I whispered.

He chuckled. "Yeah…First hangover."

"And last…never again." I tried to sit in the bed but just trying to move made my head ache even more. Adrian gently helped me to sit up. "Where am I?"

"In my room," he replied, turning toward a small table.

"How did I end up in your room?"

"Don't you remember?"

I shook my head. "No, all I remember is seeing…something that upset me and then going to the bar."

"Here take that and drink the full glass." He put two white tablets in my hand and a glass full of a sparkly drink.

"It's Alka-Seltzer morning relief. It tastes like ass, but believe me it will make you feel better…I should know I'm a pro of hangovers."

I tried to laugh at that, but it made my stomach flip in a bad way. I took the two tablets and forced myself to drink the full glass.

"You're right it does taste like ass."

Adrian laughed sitting at the foot of the bed. "It will teach you not to try to imitate me.

Anyways, I went to get some clean clothes for you last night, I didn't want you to do the walk of shame this morning" he said cheekily making me blush.

"What did Jill say?" I asked, very self conscious

"Nothing, I told her you had some food poisoning and that you were staying in my room, no biggy."

"Thanks for helping me, Adrian. After everything that happened, you really didn't have to."

"I'm here for you Sage, angry or not." He smiled. "You kind of stink though. The bathroom is right here" he said, pointing to the door by the small table. "And if you want to feel better even sooner try to alternate cold and hot water while showering, it works for me." He added, helping me up.

I grabbed my clothes and walked to the bathroom. "Umm tell me something," I asked, turning around.

"Yes?"

"I didn't say anything stupid or humiliating last night right?"

Adrian shook his head with a small smile. "You can set your mind to rest Sage, nothing stupid nor humiliating escaped your mouth, I can even add that you are a smarty-pants even when you're drunk."

I let out a sigh of relief, getting in the bathroom.

Adrian trick of using hot and cold water was actually working very well, and at the end of the shower, I actually started to feel like my old self.

However, I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something big happened last night. I looked at myself in the mirror trying to remember what happened.

"Come on Sage, try to remember" I whispered to myself.

I replayed the night in my head, seeing Rose and Adrian on the balcony holding hands, me ordering a Long Island Ice tea…Rose coming to find me, then there was something with a Britney Spears song…Did I sing?

I remembered Rose arguing with a man…Belikov? No the guy helped me off of the stage, it had to be Adrian. Adrian stopped me from embarrassing myself.

I saw us walk down a corridor, him holding me tight against him.

I gasped putting my hand over my mouth. I told him! He knew I was in love with him.

"Sage? Are you alright?"

"I…." my eyes burned, filling up with tears. I couldn't believe I told him that and what hurt the most was how he pretended I didn't say anything. It was the incontestable proof that he didn't love me. "Yes I'm coming" I said voice breaking.

I let my hair hang so he wouldn't notice my red eyes, and even if he did, I could probably put that on account of the hangover.

"Well thanks again for everything Adrian." I said when I got out. "I feel better, really."

He smiled, and it seemed genuine. "I'm glad I could help you, at least I could put my destructive behavior at use for once."

I knew I should have just walked away and be grateful he was ready to forget what I said last night, but part of me was a masochist because I stopped just before reaching for the bedroom door, and turned around.

"Is everything alright?"

"Honestly Adrian, did I say anything last night?"

He shook his head. "No, nothing."

I sighed heavily. "I remember last night Adrian. Not everything, but bits and pieces, and I know." His pale skin was even paler. I gave him a small smile. "Thanks but you know it's not because I drunkenly laid my heart on the table that I expect anything from you. You can't force a heart to feel something it won't. I won't make you love me, and I won't even try." I locked eyes with him "Have you ever been in love?" I asked rhetorically. "It's really a first for me." I took a deep breath. "Horrible isn't it?" He nodded wearily, sitting on the armchair by the bed. "It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." I turned around, hand on the doorknob. "You don't owe me anything, I have nothing against you, it's my own fault…my own fault."

"I can't, I'm sorry" he whispered so low I barely heard him. "I won't survive it a second time around. I-"

"Bye Adrian" I whispered, opening the door.

I was very grateful with Adrian excuse of food poisoning as I also added a pretending cold because of the change of climate.

I managed to be left alone for a couple of days knowing that I would have to make an apparition at the Christmas Eve was the afternoon of the Christmas party I was in my bed with a good book when I heard a knock. I decided to ignore it, pretending to sleep.

"Sydney I know you're in here, and I sure like hell won't go away so you better open or believe me I'll destroy that door. You know I'm strong and crazy enough to do it" Rose shouted from behind the door.

I sighed getting out of bed; I knew she really was strong and crazy enough to try that.

"What is it Rose?"

"Why have you been hiding for the past few days?" She asked, walking in uninvited.

"And don't tell me you are sick because that won't work. You are hiding, and Adrian is mopping around, I'm not stupid."

"He doesn't love me Rose" I said, sitting on my bed. She knew the truth; I had told her in my stupid drunk experience.

Rose laughed. "You know he doesn't drink anymore?"

"I don't see how it is relevant here."

Rose smiled. "He is an idiot"

"Again….what's your point?"

"You are so intelligent, but also so stupid. He is changing because of you; you are making him a better man. You are succeeding where I failed, without even asking him to! Sydney believe me; even if he doesn't know it yet, he loves you more than he ever loved me. He is just scared; I hurt him but-"

"There is no point Rose really, it's better that way. I had been foolish; it was all a mistake, even if I wanted to….even if he wanted to. I am an alchemist, and honestly, the more I think about it…he was right."

"Syd I-" Rose rolled her eyes, "well if he was right and all this bullshit. Go talk to him because sad, suicidal puppy is not very fun to watch."

"I'll do that later."

"Well you know right now he is on the balcony looking at the sun set." Rose added staying on the bed.

"You won't move before I go, right?"

"See, you are intuitive again."

I sighed and went to the bathroom to change quickly in a pair of jeans and huge sweat shirt.

"Okay, lets go" I said to Rose, tightening my hair in a ponytail.

"I'll show you the way, because I know you are a chicken."

I grunted, but I didn't have a come back, she was so right.

As soon as I saw Adrian on the balcony, Rose coughed very loud. Adrian turned around and looked at me.

Rose patted my shoulder. "See you later." She said before leaving.

"Judas" I whispered, before joining Adrian on the balcony.

"She forced you to come out?" He asked, sitting back on the wooden bench.

"No, not really I was sick."

Adrian raised one eyebrow in incredulity, but I decided to ignore it. I turned toward the mountain pretending to look at the sun setting.

Adrian stood up, and came to stand beside me. "I missed you."

I turned toward him. "You missed me?" I asked, letting go of all my good resolutions.

"Oh Sage, I'm sorry for what I said it's just that-"

I saw something move behind him, and a sort of reflection. I guess you never really know how brave you can really be until you are faced with a really danger.

"Move!" I shouted to Adrian pushing him out of the way as hard as I could.

I heard a sound, like a shot and felt a sharp pain, and then I didn't feel anything. I started to sway, but Adrian caught me.

"Sage?" He helped me down. "Sage, look at me."

I tried to tell him that I was alright, but no sound came out.

"She has been shot! Somebody helps please!"

He kneeled beside me with a hand behind my neck, and the other one on my stomach. I felt a tingling sensation, the same than I felt when he had healed my face.

"It's not working; I'm not strong enough" He let out with so much despair I wanted to tell him it would be okay, but now my vision was blurry, and I realized how much I would miss seeing his face.

"Go and bring Lissa, she is dying, please! Save her!" He concentrated on me again. "Why did you do it? Why did you push me?" He let out a sob. "Syd please, please, stay with me. Do you hear me? I need you, I love you Sydney…Do you understand? I love you."

After that, everything turned to black.