Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringment intended. I am simply taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Set in Season 7 after Death Knell.

Rating: Currently T, but may change depending on my muse. Any rating changes will be announced at the start of the chapter. Contains mild offensive language.

A/N: Trigger Warning for suicide. If you or anyone you know suffers the Black Dog, please support them and encourage them to seek assistance. I have no beta, so all mistakes are my own. **Edit** Just noticed the floor split is on level 11, not level 17. It is fixed now.

Chapter 2: Sorrow

"Hey Janet."

"Hi Daniel." I smiled wanly; he looked as devastated as we all felt. Well, maybe not as devastated as the Colonel. We had all been at a barbeque two Saturdays ago. Sam had told me in one breath that they had moved forward, and in the next breath, swearing me to absolute secrecy because they were willingly breaking the regulations.

"Is she still here?"

I shook my head, tears springing to my eyes. "No, they came for her about 15 minutes ago." I replied, wiping my eyes. She had been my best friend. "I can't believe she's gone!" I sobbed as Daniel folded me into his embrace, tears running down his cheeks.

"I know… I know… I miss her too." He soothed, his hands rubbing my arms. "How was Jack?"

I leaned back, "I haven't seen him, the General found him in Sam's lab and told him to come down. That was nearly an hour ago."

"No doubt wallowing in darkness. I'll go and get him; he probably shouldn't be alone anyway."

"Did you know?" I asked, knowing that the Colonel probably hadn't said anything to him per se, but that he was perceptive in his own right.

"Yeah, I knew the very next day. They never said anything, but I could tell. It was like a calmness had settled over them both. They went from trying really hard to not show the outside world how they felt, to just being relaxed with each other. It was truly amazing to see them move as one like they do off-world without the stress of hiding the feelings that they have harboured for years." He smiled.

"Doctor Jackson, Doctor Fraiser. How long has Colonel O'Neill been gone for?"

"Sir?" I responded to the General, stepping away from Daniel. "I haven't seen him; Daniel was just going to Sam's lab to find him."

"It's a bit late for that Doctor, I've just been informed by Lieutenant Jenkins on 11 that he was seen entering the elevator. Senior Airman MacIntosh confirmed that he signed out and left the base an hour ago." The General said.

"But Sir, weren't you with him an hour ago?" I asked.

"Yes, which means he left immediately and without getting changed or cleared." He frowned. The General did not seem overly angry despite Colonel O'Neill blatantly disregarding an order.

"You mean he went home, still covered in Sam's…" I faltered on the word 'blood'. I was a doctor, so dealing with blood was just of my job. As a soldier, it was the Colonel's as well, but this was different. The blood on his uniform wasn't that of some nameless, faceless, enemy. "Oh God, he was a mess Sir!" I said, leaving the 'physically and emotionally' out of that statement.

"Yes Doctor. Let's just hope his state of mind improves before he comes back." Hammond replied.

"What do you mean General?" Daniel asked, his tone a little more forceful than anyone would normally dare to use with the base commander.

Hammond huffed out a breath, "The word shattered comes to mind, hollow even, I didn't see him after he lost his son, but I would assume it was the same considering..." The General paused to collect his thoughts, his eyes flicking covertly to the flashing red light ever present in the corner of the room, "...certain developments." Wait he knew about them? The General must have sensed my reaction, his commanding glare washing over me. Thankfully Daniel's words redirected his ire away from me.

"Shit!" Daniel cursed; his face dropped. "I have to go…" He took off in a flurry of movement muttering 'Jack don't you do something stupid!' as he left.

"What was that all about General?" I asked. I'd never seen Daniel act like that before. Rather than responding, he moved to the phone and dialled a number.

"Colonel O'Neill… Jack… this is George. Are you there?" He said, a look of consternation of his face. He hung up and dialled another number, I heard the recording kick in through the receiver, "Jack, this is George, if you are there, please call in." He hung up and shook his head.

"General?" I was worried now. Despite knowing the Colonel for 7 years, I still hadn't known him as well as these two men, but both Daniel's and Hammond's behaviour had me very concerned. Of course I knew about his deep state of depression after the death of his son, it was in his personnel file.

"The loss of his son was a shock. Daniel told me what he was like on that first mission to Abydos as part of his debrief. The words shattered and hollow were used. He was a man willing to stay on the planet and blow both it and its the population along with himself to kingdom come, rather than live another day with his pain. Daniel and the kid Skaara pulled him back from the proverbial edge."

"Oh my God!" I breathed, now that had not been in his file. That revelation along with the memory of how happy I had seen him when off base with Sam brought a fresh set of tears to my eyes. How much could a man be expected to lose before he truly cracked?

"All we can hope is that Daniel gets to him in time." He said, his hand placed lightly on my shoulder.

I had to get to him. I wish I had have known sooner that he left the base. I dreaded to think what I would find when I got to his place. I wasn't normally a reckless driver, though this time I took the traffic signal colours as a mere suggestion, thankfully there were only three sets and very little traffic in the 15-minute drive to his house. I arrived and noticed immediately that his Superduty was missing.

"Crap!" I cursed. I checked my watch, he now had nearly an hour and a half head start on me. Deciding to check his house to find any clue as to his whereabouts. I didn't want to consider the near 2-day drive to Minnesota just yet. "Where are you, Jack?" I asked myself. I knew that if he'd gone to Minnesota, he would have taken his bug out bag he kept purely for the trip since he had clothes at the cabin already. I made a beeline for the closet in his room. The bag was still there, roughly moved to the side of his opened and very empty safe. Its only contents, an empty ammunition carton.

"No… Jack… Shit!" I cursed again and ran from his house, barely managing to slam his front door closed on my way back to the car. Grabbing my phone as I jumped in, I dialled the SGC. "This is Doctor Jackson, get me the General. It's urgent!" I said quickly as I threw my car into reverse and backed out Jack's driveway, narrowly missing his mailbox in my haste.

"Hammond."

"General! He's not at home. His safe was empty!" Look right, look left, no cars… going.

"Good Lord. Any idea where he would go?"

"Well, I am hoping not to Minnesota. It'll take too long to get there." I answered, taking a right then a left in quick succession.

"I can put in a call with the local sheriff if we don't find him."

"I'm going to try Sam's place first and then Pike's Peak." I knew he visited a particular lookout that was Charlie's favourite. It was off the beaten track, but still relatively easy to find.

"I called Major Carter's house but there was no answer. Find him Daniel and keep me informed."

"Yes, General." I hung up and threw my phone onto the passenger seat as I took my left turn a bit too forcefully. "God dammit Jack! You better not do anything stupid."

I drove like the wind, cursing that Sam lived another 15-minutes past Jack. This would put me even further behind a man who lost everything again. A self-destructive man who had a tendency to consider eating a bullet or blowing himself up when things went to hell. Sam had been his lifeline after Charlie. Skaara and I may have put him on the straight and narrow during our first Abydos trip, but meeting Sam had kept him there. I wasn't in the room the day he met her for the first time, but if I knew Jack – and I liked to think that I did – he fell for her the first time he met her. I might be an academic and have my head in books a lot, but I wasn't stupid. I knew from the way he poked fun at her scientist demeanour, the way looked at her when we sat around the fire drinking Skaara's moonshine, his reaction to Turghan 'partaking in his purchase', the secret tears he shed when we thought we had lost her to Jolinar, and the way he smiled when she came back through the gate with her father and Selmak. All of those instances along with the myriad of little touches, looks and smiles he gave her when he thought no one was watching.

I had known Jack for 8 years. When I met him, he was a hard man, rigid, pained. He carried a darkness within him that radiated outwards. Skaara was the first to break through. At first Jack pushed him away, but Skaara was young, brave and in awe of the alien soldier who said little and scowled all the time. No matter how gruff Jack behaved, Skaara went back for more, following him, copying him, saluting him, talking to him in Abydonian. Seeing Jack after a year, I could see that he was better. Oh, he wasn't a new man, he still carried the pained look in his eyes, but he was different. The smile he gave Skaara was genuine.

As time went on, I watched Jack O'Neill heal. He smiled, joked, and even sometimes laughed. At first, I was oblivious to the cause, my mind so heavily focussed on the loss of Sha're, eventually though, I starting reflecting on the little things. After a year with the team, and a late-night chat with Teal'c, I finally realised that Sam was his true saviour. What I didn't realise was that Sam felt the same way, I had been blind until he had been stranded on Edora. Though neither of them would admit it to themselves or anyone else for fear of the regulations, their love had been sparked from day one. Jack lived and breathed for Sam, though he hid it well, they both did. For seven years, they denied themselves happiness until they couldn't anymore. The last three weeks, Jack had been a new man. The darkness completely gone, until today, when it all came flooding back.