This chapter... Actually, this fic in general... is for anyone who's ever felt like Giorgio does in this fic. No matter how insignificant you think you are, you matter. Because even the smallest ripples created from your impact on others make a difference. So, to anyone who thinks that they're nobody: You aren't. You're worth something. Maybe you can't always see it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.
As consciousness slowly returned, Giorgio realised that he felt warm.
Not just in the numb, "too cold to feel anything" way either. He was lying on something soft, covered by what felt like a mound of cloth. He felt safe and warm and comfortable, as though he'd finally come home after a very long day.
For a few moments, he simply lay there, basking in the peaceful sensation. Finally, he reluctantly opened his eyes.
It took him a few moments to realise he was staring up at his apartment ceiling. Though the room was lit up by the ceiling light, it appeared to be dark outside; apparently, night had fallen.
On the heels of that thought came the realisation that he was lying on his sofa, with several layers of blankets covering him.
Slowly, he sat up, wincing at how stiff his body felt.
A flash of movement at the edge of his vision caught his attention.
"Giorgio!"
Turning in surprise, Giorgio found Evan standing nearby, looking both worried and relieved.
Taking a seat beside Giorgio, Evan reached out to steady him, helping him into a sitting position.
"How are you feeling? Are you alright? Do you know who I am?" He asked frantically.
"Evan, what… What happened?" Giorgio pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to get his bearings. "Did I fall off my balcony?"
"Yeah, Giorgio, you fell off a building without turning into a bloody smear on the pavement," Evan retorted sarcastically, uncharacteristic anger flashing across his face.
"What the hell were you thinking?! For God's sake, you were passed out on your balcony in the middle of winter! If I hadn't come over to check on you, you would have frozen to death!"
With his pale blue eyes alight with anger, worry written all over his face, Evan looked beautifully, vibrantly alive. The contrast between him and the bitter, disillusioned Evan from the other reality was so palpable that Giorgio wanted to cry.
"Gi?" Evan's furious expression abruptly turned into alarm, and Giorgio suddenly realised that his face felt oddly wet.
Before he could reconsider, Giorgio threw his arms around Evan, pulling the younger agent into a tight hug as an endless stream of tears flowed down his cheeks.
"Wh–Gi? Hey…!" Evan stiffened in surprise.
"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…" Giorgio sobbed, burying his face in Evan's shoulder.
"Shh, it's alright. There's no need to cry. I was a bit mad because I was worried about you, but I'm not mad anymore, alright?" Evan wrapped his arms around Giorgio in return, rubbing soothing circles on his back.
Giorgio wasn't sure how long they stayed like that as he desperately clung to Evan, crying his eyes out. It was like a dam had burst, and all his emotions came pouring out all at once.
Lingering guilt over his failure to save Janice… Grief over her prematurely ended life… But mostly, an overwhelming wave of relief at seeing Evan alive and well and right beside him.
A part of him was embarrassed at how openly emotional he was being in front of his partner, but the rest of him didn't care. There was something oddly cathartic about finally allowing himself to break down like this, and he couldn't stop even if he wanted to.
When his tears finally dried up, he reluctantly untangled himself from Evan, roughly scrubbing a hand across his face.
Evan gently rested a hand against his back. "You're alright now, Gi."
"I… I'm alright," Giorgio repeated, giving him a shaky smile.
The younger agent's worried expression softened slightly. Then his eyes widened and he reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone.
"Hold on, I should probably let Alan and Wesley know you're alright."
"Alan and Wesley?" Giorgio glanced at him nervously. "Do they know about this?"
Evan looked somewhat sheepish. "I… May have freaked out a bit when I found you. As soon as I brought you inside, I called them over for help."
"My first instinct was to bring you to the infirmary, but Alan pointed out that your condition wasn't that severe, and you probably wouldn't appreciate the unwanted attention. So I did my best to warm you up and stayed here to watch over you until you woke up."
"I see…" That explained the blankets, he supposed. He was quite sure he didn't have many spare blankets in his apartment, if at all; Evan must have brought some over from his own apartment and borrowed the rest from Alan and Wesley.
Hypothermia or not, Giorgio suspected that he probably hadn't needed that many blankets, but he appreciated Evan's concern anyway, even if he'd overdone it somewhat.
"They wanted to stay and keep an eye on you as well, but… I figured you wouldn't want that many people hovering over you when you regained consciousness," Evan continued.
"Besides, there was no sense in having all three of us stay here for the rest of the night. So they made me promise to message them once you were awake."
"What time is it, anyway?" Giorgio glanced outside again, but the pitch–black sky offered no clues.
"Around 11.30 pm," Evan replied. "It was just before 5 when I found you… I was starting to worry you wouldn't ever wake up."
"I…" Giorgio swallowed, a pang of shame shooting through him. "I'm sorry for scaring you like that."
Glancing up from his phone, Evan gave him a small, tentative smile. "Apology accepted. The important thing is that you're alright."
Leaning back against his sofa, Giorgio found himself wondering about everything he'd seen.
Had his experience truly been real? Or was it simply something that his mind had conjured up while he was unconscious?
I guess it doesn't really matter, in the end. Even if it was just a dream, it meant something to me. I don't think I could just dismiss what I saw and forget about it.
As Evan finished messaging the older agents and placed his phone back into his pocket, he glanced at Giorgio nervously, as though he wanted to ask a question but suspected that he wouldn't like the answer.
"Gi, I have to ask… Why exactly did you think you'd fallen from your balcony? Were you… Did you mean to jump?"
Giorgio was silent for a long moment.
When he finally looked up, Evan could see the shame clearly reflected in his reddish–brown eyes.
"…I don't know," Giorgio admitted. "I don't remember, really. I want to say that I wouldn't have done that, but…"
"Maybe, if I hadn't…" He chose his next words carefully, not wanting to sound insane by mentioning his surreal experience. "…Fallen asleep or passed out or whatever, I might have actually…"
Swallowing painfully, Giorgio tried to collect his thoughts.
"I was just… I wasn't really thinking, at first. I just… I couldn't stop seeing Janice as she died… Her blood all over my hands… And then I started wondering…"
He hesitated for a long moment, unable to bring himself to finish his sentence. Even as he knew that this probably wasn't something he should keep hidden, part of him recoiled at the thought of his partner finding out about the morbid wish that had lay sleeping deep within him for far too long.
"Wondering what?" Evan asked softly.
Giorgio risked a glance at him.
Though the younger agent looked both concerned and sympathetic, there was no trace of revulsion or mockery in his expression.
Taking a deep breath, Giorgio gathered up every last shred of his courage.
"I started wondering whether the world would be better off if I'd died alongside my family."
Evan went very still, all traces of emotion vanishing from his expression.
Almost unconsciously, Giorgio closed his eyes, not wanting to see Evan's response to his shameful admission.
Suddenly, there was a pair of strong arms wrapped tightly around him, enveloping him in a firm embrace.
Opening his eyes in surprise, Giorgio found Evan resting his head against his shoulder, which felt oddly damp.
"E–Evan?" He stammered, taken aback by the younger agent's unexpected reaction. Evan didn't say anything, simply tightening his grip on Giorgio instead.
Hesitantly, Giorgio wrapped his arms around Evan in return, holding him as he cried.
A few tears of his own slipped out and he clumsily wiped them away with one hand, basking in the comfort of his partner's presence.
At length, Evan's tears finally dried up and he reluctantly pulled away from Giorgio, wiping at his own eyes.
"Gi…" Evan's voice shook slightly as he spoke. "Please, don't ever think that. You're my partner… My best friend… If you weren't around, I… I'd… I don't even want to imagine what that would be like."
"I… I don't. Not anymore," Giorgio responded quietly. "I had a… A really bizarre dream, or maybe… A near–death experience of sorts… It… It helped me to see things in a different light."
There was a long moment of silence.
Finally, Evan placed a hand on Giorgio's shoulder, looking nervous but resolute.
"Look, Gi… I mean this in the best way possible, but… You need help."
Giorgio bowed his head, feeling a wave of lingering tears threatening to spill over.
"…I know," he admitted. "I… I'm scared, Evan. I don't… I don't want to feel like this anymore, but… I'm terrified. Getting help… It means having to acknowledge that there's something wrong with me… that I'm… broken. I'm… I'm not strong enough to deal with this."
Evan squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.
"You won't have to go through this alone. I'll be with you, every step of the way. And if you're willing to trust them with this, I'm sure Alan and Wesley want to help as well. We care about you, alright?"
"I… I know," Giorgio said quietly. "It's just… It's not easy, to willingly let other people see me so weak and vulnerable."
"You don't have to always put up a strong front for us, Gi," Evan responded softly. "We're not going to judge you for being human."
For a long moment, Giorgio didn't say anything. Then he gave Evan a watery smile.
"…Thanks, Evan."
Evan simply nodded, squeezing Giorgio's shoulder again. "We can worry about that tomorrow. For now, you should get some rest."
"What about you?" Giorgio asked. "It's pretty late… Do you want to just crash here?"
Evan laughed. "You do realise I live just down the hallway, right? But sure, I don't mind staying here tonight. You should get to bed; you need your sleep."
"I'm not making you sleep on my sofa, especially after you just spent hours watching over me," Giorgio protested.
"Well, I'm not letting you sleep on the sofa of your own apartment, especially since you're still recovering," Evan countered.
"Fine, then how about we both take the bed?" The words slipped out before Giorgio could stop himself.
There was a brief moment of silence as they stared at each other. Then Giorgio's face went painfully red.
"I… I mean… You… That is…"
Evan's hand closed around his wrist, stopping him.
"Hey, it's alright. If you want to share the bed, I'm fine with that," he commented teasingly.
Naturally, Giorgio's blush deepened in response, prompting an amused laugh from his partner.
"But seriously, it might be a good idea to make sure you stay warm tonight. And besides…" Evan glanced at him, turning serious. "Maybe, I can help to keep the nightmares away."
"I…" Giorgio swallowed, glancing at Evan nervously.
"If you want me to leave, I'll respect that," Evan said softly. "But if you want some company, I'm here for you."
The silence seemed to stretch on forever.
Then Giorgio pulled Evan into a one–armed hug, holding him tightly.
"I… I don't want to be alone right now," he whispered. "Please don't leave me."
Evan hugged him back reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
As they crawled into Giorgio's bed, Evan wrapped his arms around the older agent, enveloping him in a comforting embrace.
With the warmth of his partner's presence grounding him, Giorgio drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
By the way, did you catch the implication of what time Evan apparently discovered Giorgio? Hint: Take another look at the timestamp at the start of Chapter 1, as well as Wesley's advice to Evan in that conversation.