A.N: Hey Guys!!

Are you going to hate me after this chapter?? Uh….We'll see. I told you to enjoy the fluff as long as you could =)

Anyways thank you to my sweet reviewers. I love you guys!! *snifsnifemotionalSteph*

Please don't forget to tell me what you think by reviewing I absolutely ADORE reading you!

The song used in this chapter is "I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables.

Take care xoxo

Chapter 15:

It was one of the longest weeks in the history of the world. It seemed the time was dragging and everything was so dull…even my training with Dimitri (well since Chris had to go with Adrian) was off. It seemed like it was as much as a drag for him than it was for me.

I guess it's always the same when you are expecting something so much, that moment never come soon enough.

Today was Thursday and I kept telling myself that I needed to get through one more day and Saturday Adrian would be back and I would tell him that I love him and that I would go to the ball with him and that I was ready to face it all. If my heart had to take a blow well it would but at least I would have given it a chance.

Christian was pretty happy to be free from 'model boy' for a full week. He really needed to get past this animosity but I knew it was just his male ego that was hurting like most of the male of this school.

I did send a text to Adrian yesterday asking how the exams were going as well… I was the one who's been unreasonable. I needed to take the first step but when I received a reply just saying 'good thanks' I figured he needed more time to calm down.

I didn't mess it all up right? I couldn't help but ask myself.

"Well guys…time for training with Sullen boy," I said jokingly.

"Yeah, have fun." Said Christian with a grin "but you know he is not such a good emo… Not as classy as I am," he said teasing.

"Well, you've got a lot of experience," mumbled Lissa, making me laugh.

"Bitchy!" I said approvingly. "My baby is growing so fast!" I added as she winked at me.

I waved and walked to training as I was really in no hurry to see Dimitri 'king of doomhood' eyes.

I was almost at the gym when two men walked toward me.

"Miss Hathaway?" Asked the first one, who was Asian.

"Who's asking?" I asked warily automatically taking a defensive pose.

"I'm guardian Lee Shen and this is guardian James Travis," he said pointing to the tall black man standing beside him. Guardian Travis smiled.

"And what can I do for you?" I asked still keeping my defensive stance.

"There is someone who would like to see you," said Shen cordially.

"Well, tough job, I'm not going anywhere," I affirmed taking a step back.

"But… We're guardians!" said Shen showing me his neck where there was the promise mark.

I snorted. "Well sorry guys but due to very recent history, my trust in guardians is not the greatest." I said thinking of the guardians that kidnapped Lissa.

"Wait…" Said Travis finally stepping in. "Is there a way for you to follow us peacefully?"

I thought about that for a second and then I looked at them. "Yeah, I was supposed to meet with Guardian Belikov for training…" I said pointing at the gym. "If he tells me that I can follow you then I will," I added seriously.

Even if Dimitri and I had our issues and our fair amount of heartache, he was still one of the person I trusted the most. I would even trust him with my life, the life of my Lissa, the life of my Christian…the life of my Adrian.

Guardian Shen sighed but Guardian Travis smiled.

"Of course, I understand. You will be a good guardian Miss Hathaway" said Travis apparently sincere enough. "Cautiousness is always called for in our job." He then gestured me to the gym. "Let's go then."

Dimitri was coming out, probably looking for me, when he saw the three of us arrived. He was cautious at first, but apparently he knew James Travis pretty well and it was someone I could trust.

Dimitri told me I could follow them and now that he knew who I left with and everything it would be fine. However when he asked Travis who I was about to meet, the guardian said that he wasn't at liberty to discuss it. It was getting me more and more curious.

We then walked in the direction of the Runway. Oh wow. Someone came here in jet? I thought seriously impressed.

I was starting to fantasize that it was, maybe, Adrian. Romantic how he was he maybe just quickly flew here to kiss me… I mean the man was extravagant enough to do something like that!

However, before walking on the runaway to go on the jet, the guardians stopped and pointed me to the little scummy office that was only used when there were major events at the academy to arrange the landing of the multiple private jets.

When I opened the door the surprised almost made me fall flat on my butt. Sat behind the cheep desk, on a very cheap chair was Queen Tatiana also known by me as being Queen Bitch. Man that didn't look good.

"Miss Hathaway, I'm glad you could join me," she said cordially, pointing to the crappy chair in front of the desk.

Like I had the choice I thought knowing it would be stupid to speak up. "Your Highness…" I said with a small bow before taking the sit in front of her.

"Firstly, let me congratulate you about the kills you made a couple of weeks ago." She said but I could hear the fake gratitude in her voice like it cost her so much to even talk to me. "You saved my nephew…" she added looking straight into my eyes.

"You're very welcome." I said politely. "I did what I'd been trained to do."

"Of course!" She said with a fake smile. "You are a very promising novice…with a lot of potential. It would be very regrettable to let it go to waste."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. Now we were talking I thought. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked trying to sound as calm as I could.

"Well, sometimes, desperate situations ask for desperate measures." She said staring right back at me.

"I'm not following here." I said feeling the anger increasing.

"I want you to stop this filthy little affair you're having with my nephew and the sooner, the better." She said coldly. She stopped pretending, that was good.

"I'm not having an 'affair' with your nephew," I said on a sure tone. No it's so much more, we are in love. I added to myself.

"I know that it is a bit pointless for me to mettle since let's face it he will grow tired of you himself because we both know that he will never marry you! A dhampir …" She laughed. "He almost married a common blood back at school but he grew tired soon enough… Now I see you," she said disdainfully "and I start to regret this Jessica girl."

I looked at her, lips pursed, waiting for her to continue.

"But, you see, I don't have the time to wait for him to get tired, as there are a couple of Royal girls I want him to consider and I want him to see them before they get attached and it was this summer's plan."

I realized right on the spot that a threat to my guarding career was not enough to make me abandon him and it shocked me. Would I be ready to loose my spot to be with him? I was pretty sure Lissa would understand if I told her about the Queen vile blackmail…but this idea became pointless as she continued.

"Of course with the look on your face I can see that your career don't mean that much right now huh? You are a gold-digger just like any other dhampir decent looking enough." She added with disgust.

I flushed with anger and couldn't help to ask myself how many years of jail I would take for beating the Queen half to death but… With the two guardians standing in the room it would be pointless to even try.

"Yow know, I could make the life of the people you care about a real misery too." She said resting her back on the chair to have a better look at my face. "I can make sure that your friend…" she looked at the piece of paper on her desk. "Mr. Castile will be assigned to a very horrible moroi and not at your friend Mr. Ozera as he has requested."

I probably paled two or three shades as her smiled widen. Threatening me was one thing, but jeopardizing my friend's future was a whole different story.

"Don't forget I'm the head of the board of designations Miss Hathaway and my words are final, as you're fully aware". She said still keeping her cool. She was threatening to destroy the life of every person I cared about and it was like she was talking about the weather. "I can make sure that the insignificant Christian Ozera doesn't even get a guardian. I can also assign your dear mentor, Guardian Belikov, to Jonas Drozdov…" She trailed off.

I looked at her confused.

"He is the man who cared about his mother a bit too… passionately," she said smug 'passionately' was such a nice word to say that the man used to beat her unconscious before the poor Dimitri stepped in at age 13.

My eyes widened with surprise and disbelief. I wanted to keep my calm mask on but I couldn't! Could she really be cruel enough to assign Dimitri to his father? The man he hated the most on this Earth, the man who used to beat his mom? I knew he would resign and it would destroy his career. Of course she was evil enough!!

"I can also make sure that I rescind the offer I made to Mr. Ozera to stay at the Court with the princess. I could make their life very easy or…a living hell." She added clasping her hands together with smugness.

I just nodded showing her that I understood. I couldn't talk or she would hear every single insult I'd ever heard.

"And…" Her smile widened. "I kept the best for the end," she said slightly cocking her head. "In the very unlikely event that my nephew wanted to stay with you, you should know that we would disavow him. He will be left penniless without any of the advantages that his name used to bring him. He would be seen as a pariah by the whole moroi society and believe me…Royals don't take that very well."

I opened the mouth to say she wouldn't, but she stopped me.

"I'm almost done dear," she said so sweetly that I could have died of a sugar overdose. "He will maybe say that it's fine that he doesn't care, but eventually he is going to regret his life and he'll have you to blame and that's when the hate would kick in. Could you live with the fact of him loathing you after you scarified your and your friend's future?"

"You win…" I whispered.

"What was that?" She asked really not ready to cut me a break. She wanted to humiliate me and if it was what it took for my friends and the man I love to be happy, then I would do it.

I looked up and couldn't help the single tear to fall down my cheek. "You win," I said louder. "I'll break up with Adrian as soon as he comes be back," I said feeling my heart breaking in my chest.

"See… You are not that stupid! I knew you could be reasonable." She stood up to show me I was excused. "Oh and don't forget to make this break up believable understand? I don't want him to come running to you. I'll ask his father to send him to his company office in London." She then smiled. "It will help you move on too dear."

I wanted to tell her to take her 'dear' and to shove it in the place where the sun never shone, but I just nodded.

"Could you walk her back to the campus and come back as soon as you can?" She said to Travis. "We'll have the plane running."

Travis nodded and opened the door for me.

"Oh, by the way, Miss Hathaway," she said as I was about to go, "I intend for this little chat to stay between us, of course. I was never here. "

"Right…" I said not even bothering looking at her.

I was walking up the path and the more I realized what I would have to do, who I was going to hurt and lose. My breathing became ragged. I was having a panic attack. Why I couldn't have my happy ending? What did I do?

I had a tearless sob.

"I'm sorry… really…" whispered Travis beside me as we were almost back to the gym

I completely ignored that. I was just realizing that I would never kiss Adrian's lips ever again that I would never feel his hands on me again or neither would I see so much love and care in his beautiful green eyes as we were making love….

At this realization nausea took possession of me and I just had the time to turn my face to vomit on the flowers… Ehhh it was natural fertilizer. I thought stupidly as I couldn't stop vomiting.

"Rose? Oh Rose what's wrong?" Asked Dimitri, probably alerted by the charming puking sound.

I had still my head in the Begonias so Travis talked for me.

"She is just not feeling well…" He said really formal. "Can you keep an eye on her? I really need to go back."

"Of course I'll take care of her." He said kneeling beside me as I was crouched on the floor puking my guts.

"It was a real honor to meet you Rose Hathaway," said Travis before leaving.

I was done but I was now kneeling on the floor. I really had trouble breathing…Wow it was my first panic attack and it was big.

Dimitri still kept my hair out of the way while bringing this other hand on my forehead.

"Do you want me to take you to the clinic?" he asked worried.

I shook my head negatively. "No… I just think I'm getting the cold or something." I said dismissively. "I just need to rest."

"Okay…" He said in surrender. He helped me up. "Well at least let me help you to Christian's room okay?" He asked worried. "I'll tell them you were not well."

"Okay…" I said feeling really exhausted now. I was dreaming of a warm shower and a bed. I will be trying to block any feelings and any thought of Adrian for the rest of the day….the rest of the week… the rest of my life.

Dimitri walked me back to the room, without a word, as he probably figured out I didn't want to talk and I thanked him for that.

As soon as we made it to the room he said that he would inform Christian that I was not feeling well and he left me alone.

I took a hot shower but I couldn't help but shiver, shiver so hard as it seems the water was icy. I rested my forehead on the tiles.

You don't love him that much. You can forget him. You can let him go…it's okay. It will be okay… I kept telling myself over and over again. It was a completely useless attempt and I knew it, but I had to try.

I would not cry. I mean, people did suppress things all the time! I'm pretty sure I could lock my love for Adrian in a corner of my head and keep it buried for as long as I needed to… as long as I could.

I changed into my PJs ready to go to bed when I noticed the little red beeping light on my phone. I had a text and of course, bad timing as usual, it was from Adrian.

Maybe he was telling me that he wouldn't come back… Maybe I wouldn't have to end it when, for the first time of my life, all I wanted to do is take the chance.

I sighed and read the text.

Sry for being an***. B back Saturday. Love u miss u. A.

I crawled in the bed and put the iPod on shuffle, I wanted to escape this world for a whileand of course ironically enough the first song was I Dreamed A Dream.

He slept a summer by my side, He filled my days with endless wonder... He took my childhood in his stride, But he was gone when autumn came! And still I dream he'll come to me, That we will live the years together, But there are dreams that cannot be, And there are storms we cannot weather!I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living, So different now from what it seemed... Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by, When hope was high and life, worth living.I dreamed that love would never die,I dreamed that God would be I was young and unafraid,And dreams were made and used and was no ransom to be paid,No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

I turned to volume so high that my ears started to hurt but it didn't matter. I needed to concentrate on anything. I buried my face on the pillow as my nauseous feeling was back.

He slept a summer by my side,He filled my days with endless wonder...He took my childhood in his stride,But he was gone when autumn came!And still I dream he'll come to me,That we will live the years together,But there are dreams that cannot be,And there are storms we cannot weather!I had a dream my life would beSo different from this hell I'm living,So different now from what it seemed...Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

I was brought back to reality by a hand on my shoulder. I jumped in surprise and removed my headphones.

It was Christian, hovering over me with concern written all over the face. I realized right then that I had been crying, my cheeks were all wet as the pillow.

''Rose what's going on?'' he said sitting down beside me gently drying my cheek with a tissue he took on the night stand.

I pursed my lips trying to stop the tears.

I just shook my head.

''Rose please... I never saw you cry not like that!!'' He said really panicking now. ''You have to tell me.''

''I had a decision to make…and I made it.'' I said starting to cry again.

''Awww Rose… It can't be the right decision if it's that heart wrenching!'' He said really pained and worried.

''Right or wrong…'' I shook my head. ''It doesn't matter! It's what I'm supposed to do,'' I said crying harder. ''I… I just need to let it all out… I'll be fine tomorrow…no more tears.'' I added surely.

''Ok…Okay Rose… Lean on me.'' He said very softly lying down to face me.

I buried my face on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me slightly moving us back and worth in a soothing movement.

''I'm going to ruin your shirt,'' I said as my tears were soaking it.

''I don't care. You're my only worry right now…'' He added gently.

I cried a bit longer in one of my best friend arms, my brother at heart and even if it didn't seem like much, it was essential as I knew that by letting go of Adrian I would be protecting him…them…they meant the world to me and they were ready to every sacrifices for me too.

They shouldn't, wouldn't know how hard that break up will be. If it was my final act, I'll pretend for them.

I won't cry anymore… I 'll let it out all now and then I'll close the door to my heart.

After a little while the tears finally stopped and I looked up to Christian who was still looking at me with worry.

''I'll be ok now…'' I said trying to sound as sure as I could.

He just nodded and looked at me warily.

''No, no. I'm good… It's ok… I just needed to accept it.'' I said evasively.

''Accept what?'' Asked Christian still hugging me.

''My life... My place in this world.'' I said resigned.

''Okay…''He said resting his chin on top of my head.

I needed him to keep the secret about everything and especially on the fact that I admitted out loud how much I loved Adrian. He was the only one who knew that and it needed to stay that way.

''I'm your best friend right?'' I asked him.

''Yeah you are.'' He said earnestly.

''And, as my best friend, you have to keep all my secrets don't you?'' I asked finally looking at him. My eyes were all red and I started to have a killer headache, but I needed to do that now.

''I won't tell anyone about what happened I promise,'' he said seriously. ''It will be between you and me. I swear it on my honor.''

"Nothing I said to you right?'' I asked a bit more directly.

''I swear Rose every single secret of yours is safe with me.'' He said trying to soothe me.

''Ok…okay'' I said lying back down.

''Sleep Rose… Things will look better in the morning,'' he said stroking my hair to help me sleep.

''Thank you'' I said closing my eyes and turning on my side. But I knew it wouldn't look better in the morning…it wouldn't look better ever again.