A.N: Hey Guys!

I know you are very angry lol and well this chapter will ( I think) make you want to hurt me a bit more but...I'm super nice lol.

Anyways I was speechless with the numbers of reviews I got for the last chapter I'm really REALLY grateful!!. The song used in this chapter is Cry by Rihanna.

Please don't forget to review.

Take care. =D

Chapter 16:

Friday was a very odd day. I was so concentrated on pretending to be okay that I was completely out most of the day. It was like I was spacing.

''Earth to Rose…'' Said Lissa waving her hand just in front of my face.

''Huh?'' I asked stupidly coming back to reality. I was standing at my guarding spot but all the students and novices had already left the room.

The three of them were looking at me with concern. Especially Christian who also had some guilt in his eyes probably thinking he was not doing me a favor by hiding last night outburst to Lissa.

''What's wrong Rose? You've been out all day.'' She asked with concern. ''It's so not you.'' She added still standing in front of me.

Eddie nodded to show that he noticed that too. Judas.

I shook my head and smiled dismissively. ''Ehhh you know it's a whole. I'm still a bit sick,'' I said, which was not a total lie as I was pretty sure I was getting a cold. I sighed ''and I realized this morning that it was the last day of our last assignment and in a week we'll be graduates... I dunno,'' I shrugged. ''I guess it just hit me and I'm getting nostalgic already you know I'm considering the future, the choices to be made.''

Lissa smile and I could feel through the bond that I convinced her.

''I know,'' she said with a smile. ''It's a bit scary to think about the future.'' She said agreeing with me. ''Well, I'll see you later!'' She said pecking my cheek loudly before rushing out with Eddie as she was running late for her next class.

Christian gave me a disapproving look as we walked outside. He had a free period, then he'll have his last class of the day which will be the last hour of mission for me.

''What?'' I asked him not able to sound as detached as I wanted to.

''Nothing…'' He said trailing off still looking at me.

''Well that's good,'' I said deciding not to explore it as I would probably hate what he had to tell me anyways. ''OK, let's do something useful and not this freaky staring contest.'' I said rolling my eyes. ''I'll go collect my stuff from your room to take them to my room ok?''

Christian shrugged and gave me his best 'whatever-I-so-don't-care' look that I wanted to slap him.

We were in his room when he spoke. I knew it was only a matter of time before he gave in to tell me what was bothering him.

''Do you want to know what's bothering me?'' He asked while I was putting my clothes from the wardrobe to the bag.

''Umm no, not really,'' I said still concentrated on my task.

''I'll tell you anyways.'' He said seriously.

''That's a shocker,'' I muttered rolling my eye I closed the zipper of my bag and turned to face him.

''I think you are planning to do something rash, something that is bothering you. Something you don't want to do,'' he said smugly but I could hear the worries in his voice. ''And now I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing by ignoring what happened last night.''

I blushed slightly. ''You promised to keep everything that was said in this room a secret fire boy,'' I said a bit colder than I wanted but I didn't want him to opened his mouth and screw everything up.

''It's just…'' he sighed and shook his head. ''I promised Rose, so you shouldn't worry about that. It's just that I can't help to be concerned that you're about to do or say something you'll regret eventually. I can see that something is eating you up inside and I just want to help you out.''

''I know you do but you can't ok?'' I said nicely walking to the door. I smiled tentatively as he followed me outside. ''I just exaggerated last night,'' I said trying to sound sheepish. ''I was tired and a bit sick.''

''You've got many flaws Rose --'' started Christian,

''Geez... Thanks fire boy, I can feel the love!!'' I said trying to divert the conversation, It failed.

''You do have many flaws but exaggerating is not one of them you are no drama queen Rose that I know.'' He said walking beside me. ''You are the exact opposite and if something made you cry that much it has to be big…very big!'' He added turning his face to look at me as we were in front of my room.

''What a friend you are!'' I snapped at him throwing my bag on the floor. ''Using my moment of weakness against me! Very classy,'' I said with anger. I was always good to hide my discomfort with anger.

Some novices who were starting to come back in their rooms were staring at us curiously and I always hated audiences.

I walked into the room and threw the bag on the bed. I walked to the little dresser and took the box containing the necklace Adrian gave me for my birthday and put it on my backpack.

''Rose it's just…'' He started and I could see he was feeling bad.

''There are other things at stake here ok?'' I said trying to tell him as much as I could. ''You better drop it and forget whatever I told you or did or we will all regret it.'' I added seriously.

He narrowed his eyes slightly with confusion and wary but he nodded.

''Don't you trust me?'' I asked slightly hurt.

''You know I do,'' he said putting his hands in his pockets. ''It's just I can't help to worry about you.''

''Well, don't. I promise it's all good. And I tell you now I really need you to trust me on this when I say to drop it.'' I added walking up to him looking at him with pleading eyes.

''Okay… Okay. I promise I won't mention it again,'' he said capitulating.

I sighed with relief. ''Good.'' I said kissing his cheek. ''Come on let's go, it's our last hour as guardian and charge,'' I said putting my arm under his.

He laughed. ''I'm sure gonna miss you!'' He said sincerely. ''I got used to spend 24 hours per day with you… My evenings are going to be so boring.'' He added slightly sadden at the idea.

''I'm sure Lissa will be pleased to know that..'' I said trying to make him laugh and it worked.

''Yeah right. Want to play that game huh?'' He asked with a chuckle.

''Witty games with Christian Ozera? Of course I live for them!! At least you are better at that than poker…'' I added trailing off.

''That's low Rose... That's low.'' He said pretended to be disappointed.

''Come on Fire girl…'' I said with a sideway glance. ''We're going to be late for your last class,'' I said punching his shoulder playfully. I knew that I would not be laughing in an hour that was sure.

At the end of the classes we hugged each other and we discussed for a while on how those 6 weeks consolidated our already very strong friendship.

I smiled looking at theses three persons just standing before my eyes and I realized that I was going to assure them a happy future and it made me feel better about my decision.

''Hey there is a party tonight for the novices you know…to congratulate each other!'' said Eddie cheerily. ''Are you in?'' He asked me with anticipation.

I looked at Christian and Lissa who where all gooey and I figured they'll be busy tonight.

''Well I still don't feel that good you know,'' I said dismissively. ''And tomorrow I have to go back to my two training a day schedule.'' I added doing a goofy face. ''I better have an early night tonight.''

''Oh my!! Rose Hathaway refusing to party?!'' Said Lissa with a gurgle ''that's Shocking!!''

''Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse in the bible?'' Asked Christian pretending to be serious.

''Ahaha!! What a hoot! No I think Christian making someone actually laugh is one of these sign'' I said sticking my tongue out. ''No it's the freak emo boy here who rubbed some of his freaky anti social behavior on me.''

''Bite me,'' said Christian short of argument.

''You wish…That's your job'' I said, trailing off wiggling my eye brows. ''Well I'll see you later then,'' I said waving with a big smile, I was probably black belt in pretending to be fine.

I took the direction of the dhampir dorms but, as soon as I was out of sight, I crossed the lawn to go to the guest pavilion. I intended to spend the night at Adrian's' probably steal one of his shirts (lame and pathetic I know). I would also let the necklace there as I would feel so bad to keep it.

I took the key from my pocket and walked into the room. It was completely silly, I knew it, but it was smelling like him in the room like if he was there.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Wow I really was longing for him…

I walked to the room and frowned…his suitcase. I looked up just in time to see him stepping out of the bathroom. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and he was drying his hair with another one.

As soon as he saw me a bright smile spread across his face.

''Aww my Rose how did you find out I was back?'' He asked surprised. ''I wanted to come and surprise you,'' he said slightly pouting.

I looked at him and felt the lump forming in my throat again. I loved him so so much!! How could I let him go? How could I say goodbye without showing him how torturing it was…and torturing it would be.

I looked at his beautiful lips and regretted not memorizing every details on how they felt on mine, on my skin. How I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye, how I didn't engrave the way he touched me deep in my brain just to revisit those memories to warm my heart.

Oh what the hell! I thought throwing my bag on the floor and walking to him removing my shirt along the way.

As soon as I made him in front of him I kissed him with all the love and despair of loosing him made me feel.

''Hello there... '' He said against my lips. ''I missed you my Rose.'' He added nicely.

''Shush…'' I said bringing my hand to his lips. I was so scared to speak and tell him everything I felt. ''Let's just talk later,'' I said taking off the towel he was wearing.

''Okay…'' he said before crashing his lips on mine again backing me of to the bed.

I need to remember it all, enjoy it... It's our goodbye, I thought sadly lying down.

_______________________

When I woke up later I looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand it was almost the middle of the night.

I'll have to go soon, I thought reluctant turning my head to look at Adrian fast asleep beside me.

He was facing me and he looked so peaceful, almost happy as he slept. He had a hand resting possessively on my stomach and it took all my willpower not to put mine on top of his.

He did love me, maybe not as much as I loved him, but enough to get the Queen worried.

I decided just to look at him a little while longer as I was pretty sure he wouldn't wake up, he was tired after this draining week I could see that and I just loved watching him sleep.

I love you so much, I didn't even notice it when you stole my heart. I thought staring at him.

A little lump started to form in my throat again and I decided I had to move before all the courage I had left me and I started to cry right on the spot .

I was using the anger I had against fate, against the Queen, against myself for letting myself love him to keep me going. I needed this anger to go on pretending.

I removed his hand very gently and it caused actual physical pain to do that.

I very quietly got out of the bed, dressed up and I just retrieved my bag on the floor when Adrian started to move around.

He brought his hand to where I was supposed to be and I grimaced.

''Rose?'' He asked sleepily.

Damn…I just wanted us to be together a bit longer. ''Yeah?'' I said trying to sound detached.

He propped up on one elbow but, when he saw me all dressed up ready to go his eyes widen with surprise.

''What…Where are you going?'' He asked worried already jumping out of bed.

''I have to go,'' I said walking into the living room as it was really painful to look at him.

He joined me almost immediately buttoning his jeans.

''What's going on Rose?'' He asked worried. ''I never thought you were the kind of girl to escape in the middle of the night.'' It was an attempt at humor but I could see the worry in his eyes. He could see something was wrong.

''I…'' I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. ''Well, while you were away I took the time to think and…I think we should stop there. Call it quits now.''

'What?' He said dumbfounded. ''No, no, don't say that Rose!'' He said taking a step toward me hands extended as to stop me.

''It's---''

''I thought too while I was away,'' he said ignoring my attempt to talk. ''And it's ok Rose you don't have to tell me that you love me.'' He said nicely. ''You are not ready and I get that now… I shouldn't have reacted so drastically, but I was scared to see you slip away and it's clearly happening now.'' He said even more worried.

It was breaking my heart more and more by the second.

''Adrian I had time to think too and it's not fair to you,'' I said making it up as it went. ''I mean I'm not ready to be in the steady relationship that you are clearly looking for. I want to go and be with Lissa. I want to be a guardian and it's far more important than you are in my life.'' Such a lie!! I added to myself.' 'You deserve better'' that I did mean.

''No I don't. You're what I want, what I need my Rose,'' he said walking to me and putting his hands on my shoulders. ''I did realize this week that I wanted to be with you. No matter what, whatever you want to do, it'll be fine with me. You want us to be low profile?'' He shrugged. ''Okay.'' He kissed my forehead.

He was not making it easy was he? I thought, hating myself for what I was about to do. It's for them… It's for him. I added to myself to give me the courage to say the words I was about to say.

I took his hand off my shoulders and took two steps back. ''I… I just don't want to be with you anymore.'' I said looking at him straight in the eyes.

''But last night…'' He pointed to the bed. ''It was amazing Rose you can't deny what we shared!!'' He was getting angry. ''It was just mind blowing!!! We shared passion! It was---''

''It was just the perfect way to say goodbye,'' I said very pleased that my voice was that steady.

''A. Perfect. Way. To...Say goodbye?!'' He asked with disbelief, as if I was insulting him. "What's really going on Rose? No bullshit!''

I nodded as he snorted. He didn't believe me I could see that… well I needed to be even meaner. 'Make it believable' Queen bitch said.

I took a deep breath ready to tell the biggest lie of my life. It was such a lie it was almost a profanity.

''It's just that I don't care about you enough,'' I said pretending to be sheepish. ''I trained with Dimitri again this week and I understood that I loved him much more than you could comprehend and…" I shrugged, ''maybe that's why I didn't want us to go public. I still want to be with him…Keep my options open.''

I could see comprehension, pain and disappointment filled up his face and I wanted to die right on the spot.

''I can't believe it,'' he said trying his best to deny it but I sounded truthful as I just reversed the role. ''Belikov?! Really?? You've got to be kidding me!'' He shouted.

I nodded. ''I'm sorry but it's true… It's him. It was always him.'' I said but I was thinking it's you it was always you. ''It's a bit selfish to keep playing with you as I'm, deep down, longing for someone else.''

Adrian stood straight and looked at me with disdain and almost disgust and it was more painful than everything I ever experienced. ''You are right Rose… Let's call it quit.'' He said so coldly that it gave me the chill. ''And while we are it…let's forget we ever happened…Let's forget we ever met'' he added ripping off the chain of the dog tag I offered him and threw it to my face.

I caught it and nodded. ''I think that it's better,'' I said not able to keep my voice from shivering.

He looked at me a couple of seconds more, shook his head, I saw tears glistering in his eyes but he was trying to play tough. I could read through his pretence and I was glad that today he couldn't see past mine. He sighed heavily and walked back to the room…showing me he had enough of me.

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips as hard as I could. He hated me now…Mission accomplished Queen Bitch now I'll spend every night, for the rest of my life, praying for your painful death and trying to forget the last look he gave me; a look full of anger, disappointment, pain and betrayal.

I threw the dog tag in the bin. I took the necklace from by bag and put it on the table with the keys on top.

''Goodbye…I love you.'' I whispered so low that I knew he didn't hear me.

As soon as I was out I went to hide in the woods for a little while, I squatted, resting my heads on my knees to try to calm myself down. I was strong enough to go through this. If I didn't pretend well enough it would have been all for nothing and I would lose everything.

I'll be better. It'll get better in time. It will hurt less I thought trying to convince myself. But I knew I would not move on… not really. It was completely absurd and I knew it, I was not this kind of girl… I never was, but I knew that he owned my heart and that I would never get it back… Nothing could be compared to him and I knew it, even if I was a 18 year old kid.

I sighed, stood up and took a couple of deep breathes.

''Okay Rose…Ok!'' I said taking my iPod and finding the perfect song… The song that expressed everything I could say…This song was written for me.

I'm not the type to get my heart broken

I'm not the type to get upset and cry'

cause I never leave my heart open

Never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don't get deep to me

Never got the whole in love thing

And someone can say they love me truly

But at the time it didn't mean a thing

I was rushing to my room under the blinding sun I wanted to crawl in my bed and relax, forget it all.

My mind is gone,

I'm spinning round

And deep inside,

my tears I'll drown

I'm losing grip, what's happening

I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I'm, in this condition

And I've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?'cause it's hurting me to let it go

Maybe 'cause we spent so much time

And I know that it's no more

I should've never let you hold me baby

Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart

I didn't give to you on purpose

Can't figure out how you stole my heart

When I made it to my room I found a note from Dimitri under my door saying that he had to cancel our morning training but the one of late afternoon was maintained. It was better as I would probably not that efficient in the morning anyway.

How did I get here with you,

I'll never know.

I never meant to let it get so personal

And after all I tried to do, to stay away from loving youI

'm broken hearted and I can't let you know

And I won't let it show

You won't see me cry

No you won't see me cry….Nobody will know that I'm heartbroken, I'm tough enough to keep them safe.