Even months into the reign of King James, it still took a concerted effort from Sirius to hold back laughter that Minerva McGonagall, the highest ranking member of court who didn't wear a crown, had to curtsy before the boy who'd done everything in his power to turn her hair grey during the course of his education as the heir to the throne.
She was experienced in matters of state, having advised King Fleamont since well before Sirius moved to court seven years past. Lady McGonagall knew more about the kingdom than anyone rightfully should, or at least it seemed that way to Sirius. Every time that she had reason to call for a meeting of the Privy Council, she shared some convoluted news of who was doing what and where. She had sources that Sirius surely didn't know the names of. He wondered if even James really knew the whole picture as Minerva McGonagall saw it.
Sirius thought back on the long-ago conversation he'd had with Queen Euphemia that introduced him to the very shrewd politician Minerva McGonagall. It was the very evening he'd arrived, newly disowned and seeking out the young prince who had come to be his family during their service to Dumbledore. Mia had embraced him and welcomed him home from that very first night. He told her he didn't want to be a Black anymore and she cooked up a story for him, but the one exception would have to be Lady McGonagall, because there was no hiding anything from her, and she made a better ally than an enemy, so Sirius would have to be upfront with her. He confided his true identity only in her, outside of those already in the know. She never gave him reason to regret it. He was glad she was on their side because the tightly wound gentlewoman was genuinely pretty scary. She could have brought down armies with a letter, but she sat at James's left, in a high back chair and nodded to the three gentlemen of the privy chamber before she started speaking in an even and matter of fact voice.
"The long and short of it is that there's a spy at court. Someone sending information to Riddle in Semprapuria."
"How did we come to know this, Lady McGonagall?" Remus was brave enough to ask. They were all thinking it, Sirius suspected.
"I've received an unsigned letter. They have various information that they shouldn't. A great deal of the letter's content concerned the matter of their heir to the throne." Lady McGonagall never chose a word unthinkingly. Sirius was in awe of her most of the time. He could never in a thousand years think every word through like she did. Half the time it seemed like words just happened to him, then he was stuck thinking about them after the fact.
"I brought the Princess Marlene to live at court knowing that our enemies would want to use her for their own ends. She knows that too. It has to be more than that." The king spoke flatly, as if he resented the innuendo and dancing around subjects.
"Your Majesty is correct. There is more. We've learned that Riddle plans to wed the Princess Marlene to Prince Regulus. The letter seemed to believe that it would be a matter of kidnapping, rather than a betrothal contract."
Sirius cut her off. "What if we beat them to it? Send them a contract? Offer generous terms including wedding Marlene to Regulus, upon their agreement to bend the knee to King James."
"Why on earth?" Sir Peter looked flabbergasted.
Lady McGonagall shot Peter a look that had him swallowing in fear. "Sir Sirius would have a point, if the rest of the Blacks would only act as reasonably."
"I'm not keen on marrying off my only cousin when she's not even out of mourning clothes. Especially not to Regulus Black." James's voice carried a stiffness that sounded so unlike the young man he'd been last year. He was worried. Sirius could hear the weight of ruling crushing his dear friend and only hoped he'd be strong enough to aid him in holding the god awful heavy crown.
"James...Your Majesty… Regulus might not be a bad match. He'd probably be a fine knight if he didn't have Walburga whispering in one ear and Tom bloody Riddle on the other.
"Sir Sirius" McGonagall's voice went low. "I know it is your instinct to defend your younger brother. We all know how difficult this must be. But we don't know what sort of man Regulus grew to be. It's been years and we have to treat him as an unknown."
"I suppose. But I still say the Princess wouldn't find him entirely disappointing, anyhow." He smirked but looked away from the faces of the council members.
"Why is that exactly? Am I missing some crucial information here?" Sir Remus inquired.
"Not crucial, unless you're terribly concerned with whom Princess Marlene ranks as the best looking man at court. Regulus bears a resemblance." He shrugged. Now he was using the ridiculousness the Princess had hurled at him as a tool to deflect from the grave matter at hand. He hadn't even given it much of an effort but seeing the amused looks on everyone's faces, including Lady McGonagall, his remark was clearly successful in lightening the mood.
"Well then." McGonagall cleared her throat, poorly concealing a laugh. "All matters of the Princess's highly questionable tastes aside… I don't think it's an option in any case. I have it on good authority that they are too far in with Riddle to go back. There will be no peace treaty weddings."
It was three nights hence, after dinner, when James caught Sirius for a private word. Generally, this wouldn't be cause for alarm but Sirius saw something akin to anger brewing in His Majesty's dark eyes. More to the point, the anger seemed to be directed at him, and he hadn't the foggiest notion what he might have done.
He felt like somewhere along the line he'd gone from the heir to the oldest noble family in the kingdom to the King's good-natured but oft times poorly behaved pet dog. He felt a lot like a confused dog when James started in on him.
"Are you mad? I thought you were being ridiculous the other day with the business about Marlene's ranking. I didn't think you were actually going to go make a fool of my very naïve cousin, the only family I have in the world! What are you thinking? You could ruin her reputation."
The words echoed in Sirius's head. He comprehended each one of them perfectly well but felt at a loss of how to interpret the overall picture.
"I… what now?"
"I heard."
"You… heard?
There was a moment that James seemed to falter in his anger. Perhaps he saw the genuine bafflement in Sirius's face and started to second guess his anger. The moment didn't last into his reply, however.
"Gilderoy Lockhart requested an audience. It's because of you and your inability to use your brain that I had to spend valuable minutes of my life listening to GILDEROY BLOODY LOCKHART."
"Why do people keep blaming me for the fact that Gilderoy Lockhart exists? Go take up the complaint with the man's lady mother, and bring your cousin with you. The pair of you can stop bothering me about him."
"It's this selfsame cousin that Lord Gilderoy came to me about. Or rather, the fact that she only seems interested in talking about you. Then one of Lily's ladies confirmed it for me. Princess Marlene is completely enraptured. She blushes and mentions you at an alarming rate. What did you do? She's a high born lady and my family, Sirius. This isn't like you at all. You've always been Sir Galahad the Pure come again. What's gotten into you?"
The points on the convoluted map that the king had just drawn started coming together in Sirius's mind in conjunction with what he already knew about Princess Marlene and her predicament.
"I think she's cleverer than you're giving her credit for, Your Majesty. Really. I'm a bit impressed. She's a rightly absurd person and I feel her skills would be put to better use doing nearly anything else, but she's sharp as a sword's edge. She tried to get me in on this charade last week, and I was having none of it. But it looks like she's gone ahead without me."
"She… tried to get you in on… what?"
"She wanted me to act as a decoy; to dissuade the likes of Lockhart from trying to court her."
"So you haven't made her fall hopelessly in love with you? I don't need to challenge you to single combat for her honor?"
"Please. You know you'd lose." Sirius quirked an eyebrow and smirked.
"I feel more likely to lose my mind at the moment. What am I going to do with Marlene?" James ran his hand into his hair and groaned.
"I don't know, your Majesty. She's one of the most bizarre ladies I've ever had instance to meet, in all honesty. But I can assure you, whatever it is she's doing, she's doing it on purpose. Perhaps we ought to just let her."
"...I need Lily. Enough of you. Where is my queen?" James had already turned heel and gestured dismissively before he spoke. His last question was barely audible.
For some reason, for a good long minute after this encounter with the King, Sirius couldn't help but smile.