Chapter Five
Call Logs
Being a senior in high school, Misao was in love with the idea of traveling the world and finding your purpose, the way it was portrayed in films, books, magazines and social networking sites. It just seemed so grand and exciting. Despite being a positive, mostly happy-go-lucky and, as most people would say, an air-headed person, she never expected to work up the courage to go on one herself. Hence, the young female kept her mouth shut, not even telling about her dreams to her closest friend – Kaoru.
Everything changed on that weekend when Kaoru took her along to visit Sanosuke and look around the city which was to become their new home in only a few months. There, she was encountered with two complete opposites – the carefree Sano, the same way she had always remembered him to be, and his responsible redhead roommate named Kenshin. As the day went on, she started noticing just how much the dynamics between two older men resembled the one between herself and Kaoru with the latter, of course, being the more mature one.
That day, Sano told them a lot about his travels. The unbearable coldness of Siberia and the exhausting heat of the Amazon forests. From time to time, Kenshin would interfere, claiming that one of his stories was fake, as the two of them had watched a film with the exact same event. Those times, the taller man would scratch his head, laughing, saying that he had unintentionally mixed up.
But Misao knew that the claim to have traveled was true. Kaoru had shown her the pictures her brother had sent from the various parts of the world, many times before.
By the time the four of them were having their dinner, Misao, with the help of boxed wine, voiced her dreams of traveling, loud and proud. It pained her a bit that even Kaoru, a person which was supposed to be her best friend, laughed it off, taking it for merely a drunken antic. However, still not being that serious about it herself, the young girl managed to go along with it, pretending that it truly was only one of those many things she said without ever truly thinking about it.
Probably because of that, everyone seemed so shocked when Misao did make up her mind to put going to university on hold. Though it was hard to leave Kaoru and take on the world herself, as the females had not separated as long as they could remember, in the long run, Misao was sure that it was the right thing to do.
...∽∾●∾∼...
She had seen, learned and done many things on her trips, which she wouldn't have been able to otherwise, making her life, and in turn, the whole world, appear so much more beautiful and vivid than before. The young woman even seemed to have met a man of her dreams in one of tourist groups. Given, he turned out to be a complete asshole, but at least the person which sat next to her on the plane and was forced to listen to her complain about it, beneath that cold exterior he was putting up, turned out to be decent. Later, she even found out his name, Aoshi, and in no time, knew that her heart belonged to him.
Though it was beyond cheesy, you could say, that his love was the only souvenir she had brought back from her yearlong travels.
But eventually, Misao had to go home and Aoshi couldn't stay in the apartment she and Kaoru rented forever, hence around the time the man left, Misao felt that she had changed. She was no longer satisfied with just attending her classes, getting a degree in something she didn't really care about and, later on, working some menial job.
Just as the feeling started to set in, the Kenshin and Kaoru fiasco happened. It served greatly to distract the young female from her own problems, making the routine slightly less hellish. But after everything was done, and Kaoru had started dating Kenshin, Misao started feeling empty all of a sudden.
There was no denying it that she loved talking with Aoshi, occasionally meeting him, having a drink with Sanosuke, watching a film with Kaoru and spending her free time with her other friends. She felt genuine happiness at all of those given times, but her overall direction in life was no longer able to satisfy her. But she tried to endure, and she did. For about three long years Misao managed to put up with doing everything that was required of her, in hopes that it will get better. One day, however, she woke up completely certain, and terrified, that she never will be satisfied with her life, as long as she continues living it this way.
And that's how the young female ended up in her current situation: crying her eyes out in the supermarket while asking Kaoru what she would do if she moved out.
Kaoru just stared at her perplexed and beyond confused about what her answer should be. Though, if Misao was honest, that was a completely normal response as the question which left her mouth left as "Do you want to move in with Kenshin?" rather than "What would you do if I moved out?". The fact that she couldn't stop crying a river added a whole another level of weird all together, as well.
"Why?" Was all Kaoru managed to say, finally putting the cereal box which she was still holding back onto the shelf.
It was the very first time she had seen her usually bubbly best friend so down. Yes, Misao sometimes had her days, but most of the time the young woman was the one who would smile through situations like these, saying that everything was going to be okay or simply stay by her friend's side, offering a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
However, when Kaoru looked at her that day, standing right next to a row of shelves filled with all kinds of cereal, Misao no longer resembled that carefree person Kaoru had for her best friend. The worst thing was though, that by the way the other female talked, it was crystal clear to the blue-eyed woman, that she had been feeling like that for a while. And even though they shared a flat, grew up together, and spent most of their free time in each other's presence in general, Kaoru didn't see it coming.
"But to change your life you don't need to move out." The dark-haired university student muttered her thoughts aloud and instantly hated herself for saying those words.
"At first, I thought so too." Misao started talking once more, having caught her best friend's quiet words even over the noisy shoppers, the beeping coming from cash registers and the music playing in the background. "It took me a while to realize that in order for this feeling inside of me to change, I should change my environment too. I'm just so tired of having to stare at those four peach coloured walls every day, of that fucking double bed, on which I can no longer fall asleep." She sighed. "I'm just so fucking burned out... from the life itself."
As the last words left her mouth, sobs started shaking Misao's body even more violently and her knuckles had turned white from the death grip she had on the trolley in front of her. Kaoru swiftly pulled her friend into a hug, running one of her hands up and down Misao's back in an attempt to console her.
"It's okay... We'll find you a nice affordable apartment. Or you can move in with one of your friends. Or Aoshi. Or go on another trip. We'll do whatever you like." She softly whispered into her trembling friend's ear.
As they stood like that, passers-by gave them strange looks, as if asking if everything was alright, but neither of the two women paid any attention to them.
...∽∾●∾∼...
Just like so, in the span of the next few months Misao quit university and packed her things into what seemed like millions of cardboard boxes, before moving out. And though her new flat was only 15 minutes' drive by a car away, it was still a change of pace for the young female. And though on one hand, the previous light behind Misao's eyes returned quite quickly, on the other hand not long after her best friend moved out, Kaoru started feeling lonely.
With Tae having also moved out about a year ago, she simply missed having someone to eat breakfast with, someone to argue with over the unwashed dishes in the sing and about who should do the grocery shopping or the laundry that week.
Even if the women met frequently, it was still there. The same crushing feeling of loneliness Kaoru so incredibly despised, the same one she felt seeping into her bones when Misao left for her backpacking trip more than four years ago.
Of course, Kaoru's best friend's absence in the apartment also meant that she and Kenshin also had more space. Their very own lovers' nest, if you will.
There was more than one occasion on which the red-haired man spent the night in that flat. His body tangled with Kaoru's, his clothes tossed all around the small living room. Truthfully speaking, there were more mornings when he woke up next to the young woman, sucking all the morning breath out of her with a kiss, then those when he slept in his own bed.
But to Kaoru, it was only a temporary remedy. She hated to appear too clingy, too needy and too high maintenance, hence she always bit back the offer to stay a bit longer or to continue their activities later the same night. The dark-haired female knew that it was silly, truly, but she just couldn't smother the voice in the back of her mind whispering those vile things to her.
Motivated by this, and after taking a hard long look at her life, the direction in which it was heading and weighing all the pros and cons, one morning Kaoru woke up before Kenshin and after seeing the redhead stir from his sleep as well, she asked the man if he would like to move in with her.
Completely caught off guard by the sudden question, Kenshin agreed on the spot. However, during that whole day, whatever he was doing or trying to concentrate on, was pushed aside, his mind far too preoccupied with the hastily given answer to a seemingly random question.
Were they moving too fast?
Maybe he should have refused?
Maybe Kaoru wasn't serious and he put her in an uncomfortable spot having agreed to it?
Should he call her, saying that he changed his mind?
Fortunately, after considering all the ifs and maybes, the violet-eyed man came to the conclusion which mirrored his thoughtless decision made that morning. And if Kaoru did ask him without meaning it... well he'll just have to deal with it. After all, he wanted to share a future with his girlfriend and he would be a fool to pass this chance up.
The first one to find out about the move was, of course, Sanosuke. And, well, he was underwhelmed. It wasn't like he opposed their relationship, or anything overly dramatic like that, but he simply wanted to be cautious about this whole thing. He didn't want either of the people equally precious to him to get hurt, because it was getting serious and those were the relationships which had the messiest endings and left the deepest scars.
Despite the man's worries everything seemed to be going well for the young couple. Of course, they would get into arguments, during which Kaoru would sometimes kick Kenshin out of the apartment, forcing him to stay at, now, only Sano's flat. Other than that, at least to such outsider as Sanosuke, it seemed that the two were genuinely happy.
...∽∾●∾∼...
It had been almost a year later when Sanosuke received a worrying call from a hospital in his and Kaoru's hometown, the nurse regretfully informing him that their father was in critical condition. Apparently, there had been a car accident, caused by the slippery road due to the merciless rain which had been plaguing the region for the past few days. Their father's car had wrapped around a utility pole like a pretzel, with their father in the driver's seat.
In a matter of moments, Sano contacted his sister. When she found out, Kaoru was in the middle of having her lunch in-between the lectures, the awful news causing the young woman to completely lose her appetite. Without any regard to the lectures she had left, the young woman took off to the train station, where she promised to meet her older brother.
When the siblings finally saw each other on the platform, they didn't say a word. Just sat down on one of the benches and waited for the train while smoking their cigarettes, both of them too engulfed in their worries.
Only when Kaoru got onto the train, did she remember that she left without saying anything about it to Kenshin. She felt like she should at least send a text, so that the red-haired man wouldn't worry when she doesn't come home tonight, but she just had no words or energy for the said task. However, she forced herself to and after long minutes of writing and deleting, Kaoru sent her boyfriend short and not very informative text, hence it didn't take long before she received Kenshin's call anyway. Yet, she didn't pick up, as it was simply too hard to force herself to speak with that huge lump in her throat.
At least not right now.
Kenshin called her few more times while they were on the train, but Kaoru didn't pick up either of them.
During the train ride, which lasted an hour, Sano and Kaoru sat in dead silence, not uttering a single word. Both siblings just stared at the familiar scenery flying past them behind the windows. Even though they should have cried, cursed and tried to console each other, they didn't do either of those things. With the situation still feeling so incredibly surreal, neither of them wanted to break that illusion. Maybe it was childish on their part, but they hoped that this situation can still turn out to be only an unpleasant dream.
...∽∾●∾∼...
"Which hospital?" The first words Kaoru spoke in so long tasted bitter in her mouth.
By then, the two of them had gotten off the train. Sano was already calling the taxi company, whose number he found on a flyer left in the pocket on the back of the train seat in front of him. He didn't even bother answering his sister and it made Kaoru more than a bit angry. She wanted to shout, that she was just as worried about their father as he himself was, and if he could just at least not ignore her, she would be more than very thankful.
But it didn't matter. Few more minutes and they will be at the hospital anyway. She just had to bear with it for a little while longer.
Regretfully, when Kaoru and Sanosuke finally got to the hospital, the nurse at the registrar informed them that the patient by the name Kamiya Koshijiro had passed away only minutes ago.
Upon hearing the news, Kaoru broke down in tears. It was just so painful. Even as an adult, she never truly believed that she will ever have to bury her father, to leave him, in the cold hard ground where her mother had been resting ever since Kaoru was still a child.
Sanosuke clenched his fists, trying to feign strength and heed the words he heard his father use so often when he was still but a little boy: "Men don't cry".
Kaoru could feel her phone vibrating in her pocket and she ignored it once more.
Once the initial shock passed, the two siblings went to their childhood home. Sanosuke and Kaoru looked through their father's many notebooks, searching for a funeral home number, which they knew their father had used when their mother died, and deciding whom to invite to the funeral and whom not. Kaoru was tasked with the first one and Sano with the latter.
...∽∾●∾∼...
The next time the dark-haired woman's phone rang, it was already dark outside. And, well, the inside of the apartment wasn't much different. With the only source of light being Sano and Kaoru's lit cigarettes. Neither of them felt like turning on the lights. Rather, in the darkness, they felt a lot more comfortable. This way, their grief was invisible to each other, hence they could pretend to be brave and there was no need to use those cliché phrases of consolation.
"Finally!" A panicked and an oh-so-familiar voice of her redhead boyfriend came from the other end, once Kaoru picked up his call.
"Kenshin..." She whimpered.
Kaoru could feel her eyes welling up with tears once more. She didn't want to cry. Not again. Not today. And certainly, not now.
"What's wrong, love?" The man asked softly.
"Please... please, come... I need you." The sad female was unable to hold back her tears.
Kaoru put out her cigarette and slowly made her way to her old bedroom, sat down on her dust covered bed and told him everything that happened that day. She did all that while crying those ugly and heavy tears which were filled with her misery.
AN: It's been a while longer than it usually takes me to update this fic, but I just have a hard time writing it at the moment. To be completely honest, it's because I can see every scene so perfectly in my head as if it was a film, I'm never satisfied with any chapter that I write. I was planning to take a short break from writing it, but I really doubt that I will ever return to it if I give up now. Instead, I decided to write random one-shots on the side, simply to let off some steam. I'll be gladly accepting prompts, which don't necessarily need to be KenKao. I'll also gladly write a Yume (Vampire Knight), Nicolex (Gangsta.), Lolu (Fairy Tail) or Ren/Kyoko (Skip Beat). I'm up for writing also different ships (though these are my main ones currently), as long as I know the source material well enough to pull it off and are just generally interested in them. My specialty is angst, but I also write quite a decent fluff. Regretfully, I suck at smut. You can PM me about this, if any of you got interested.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Positive and negative comments are welcome.