Chapter Nine

Bathroom Break

A bit more than two years after they officially got married, Kaoru was sitting in their law firm's women's restroom, waiting and panicking more than a bit. Those two minutes she had to suffer through surrounded by the cardboard walls of the toilet cubicle, were shaping up to be the longest of her entire life.

... ∽∾●∾∼ …

At first, her constant drowsiness didn't raise any suspicion in the bright-eyed woman's mind. After all, she had gained a lot more responsibility during the last two years. Though she hated to admit it, she was also a workaholic, just like her beloved husband. Due to the fact that both of them were like two peas in a pot, neither had ever said anything about it to another. It resulted in both spouses working overtime most of the evenings, which sometimes caused them to overwork themselves.

And well, to Kaoru, this was all there was to it. She also regarded it as one of the reasons why she was missing her cycle. The young female knew a lot of women who had irregular periods, herself included. To some of them, it was so erratic because they were under too much stress, overworking themselves, or it has always been that way. There was also simply no reason to suspect pregnancy. Though both Kaoru and Kenshin loved to engage in certain nightly activities, they used protection all throughout their relationship – both before and after marriage.

Just as Kaoru was satisfied with ignoring the seeming degradation of her health, the red-haired man was alarmed, and sometimes even furious with how she so easily brushed it off. More than one time, he had cornered his wife, making her promise to take better care of herself, but the bright-eyed woman didn't keep the promises she made a single time. On the same day, the man would find her sitting in her office, reviewing the documents she deemed to be more important. Knowing Kaoru, Kenshin couldn't do much more either, except whisk her away to the conference room, where both of them could work on the cases they needed to.

The red flag to Kaoru ended up being the fact that she had an extremely hard time keeping her breakfast – or rather any kind of meal – down for almost a whole week. During the first few days, the woman was completely sure that she had simply eaten something that didn't agree with her. Stress, as a causation for her vomiting, had also been a huge possibility. After all, she had a difficult trial coming up, which she believed she would lose. Of course, that had happened before, but never on such a large profile case.

... ∽∾●∾∼ …

The penny had finally dropped the morning of that day – at about 6:30 a.m. – while she was taking a quick shower before work. The dark-haired female was so astonished by the sudden realisation, that the bottle of shower gel, which she was holding in her left hand, slipped right out of her fingers. When hitting the floor, it caused a loud thud to echo throughout the small apartment and alert the other resident.

"Kaoru, are you okay?!" Kenshin's voice could be heard instantly and the young woman hoped that they didn't disturb the neighbours.

However, that thought in Kaoru's mind was fleeting and only lasted a mere second. Instantly, she was once again lost in the worries, which previously her mind was occupied with. Truthfully, the bright-eyed woman was angry with herself for being so dense. The signs were clear, one could have even noticed it from the outer space, yet she was oblivious to what was happening to her own body.

"Kaoru?!" The redhead's voice reached her once again. This time the man sounded even more worried.

"I'm fine!" She finally replied, though still completely lost in her thoughts.

The young woman slowly picked up the bottle of shower gel at her feet and started lathering herself with a sponge. The last thought regarding the matter before Kaoru got on with her usual morning routine was that she had to go to the pharmacy during her lunch break and buy a pregnancy test.

... ∽∾●∾∼ …

Probably, because Kaoru was so successful at suppressing those frigid worries in the morning, while she sat in the bathroom cubicle she felt as if she was going insane.

Wasn't this supposed to be a joyous realisation? If yes, then why was she so beyond confused and scared?

The dark-haired woman didn't know what she would do if the test result turned out to be positive. At some later point in her life, she was sure she wanted to have children – a little baby with Kenshin's hair and her eyes. Kaoru knew she wanted it with her whole heart, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to have a child right now.

Was she even ready to have kids?

Up until that day, Kaoru still thought about of herself more as stuck in that awkward phase between being a teenager and becoming an actual adult, rather than a full-grown person. Could she handle the responsibility of bringing a defenceless life into this world and looking after it? Sure, she could deal with a huge responsibility at work without the slightest hitch, but her personal life stood in contrast to that.

Marriage was also, such a different matter. She married Kenshin after having met him and spent a vast amount of time getting to know him. By that time, they had even lived together, known each other inside out. However, she couldn't predict what her child could be like. Was she truly confident in the fact that she could love a person she never met and devote her life to raising him or her?

With the thoughts of her marriage, an image of her red-haired husband came to Kaoru's mind. Well, at least she wouldn't be alone. Her husband would be with her every step of the way. After all, he was a good man, who wasn't afraid of taking responsibility. A man who would do anything to make, as well as keep, her happy.

However, that wouldn't necessarily mean that Kenshin would be happy with having a child himself. Though Kaoru recalled her cute redhead muttering something about wanting kids on their wedding night, it was said in the very heat of the moment. It might have been simply an innocent lie generated by the alcohol consumed prior to that night's events and his lecherous intentions. He might not even recall telling her anything related to having children.

And besides, he could have also meant it as 'later in life'.

Then, there was also work. God, they rarely spent their nights at home anymore. Most of the time, when either of them had an important case coming up, they would just stay over at work, spending the night at Kenshin's office which had quite a nice sofa. Though barely, the both of them always managed to fit on it. With that kind of a lifestyle, there was no place for a child.

Could they even afford to have a child? Yes, they were doing financially fine right now, but what about later? If Kaoru decided to have the child, soon she would no longer be able to work and be forced to take a maternity leave. Later, after it was born, the little person would also become the cause of so many expenses itself.

They would have to buy or rent even a bigger apartment. Maybe even a house. The flat they rented right now – though very cosy and enough to accommodate the two of them – was in a noisy neighbourhood. The building itself was also quite old, which resulted in many occasional problems.

For example, it was only a few weeks ago that the water pipe in the bathroom burst and flooded the whole room. While they were cleaning the mess up, they found all kinds of things they never wanted to become aware of. Like the three or four types of mould she found right under the bath, which seemed to not have been moved since Khrushchev ordered the Berlin Wall to be built.

What if that happened again after the child was born? Knowing their apartment, that was a very likely scenario. Kaoru could practically see herself trying to balance a toddler on her one arm, while throwing various rags on the floor, in hopes that they will be able to soak up all of the water leaking from god knows where.

Then there would also be all those cribs, seats, clothes, toys and diapers. Without a doubt, all of that would add up to an impressive sum every single month as well.

Lastly, things seemed to be going well for everyone right now. They were satisfied with their lives right as they were, and would it be so bad if she chose she wanted them to stay that way?

The buzz of her phone, brought Kaoru back to reality, announcing that the two torturous minutes had already passed. Maybe it was stupid of her, but Kaoru didn't want to look at the test stick she had placed on the tank cover. The young woman was aware, that even if she was worried about being pregnant, a negative result would cause her just as much suffering as it would relieve her.

Kaoru changed the position of her feet, causing her black high-heeled shoes to click on the tiled floor. Even if the young lawyer truly tried, she couldn't remember the last time she felt so tense.

Her wedding?

Even if it was a nerve-wracking ordeal, on that day the dark-haired was overjoyed. Hence, the positive feeling easily overshadowed the nervousness in the pit of her stomach. Well, at least, it seemed that way in her memories.

The time she was first introduced to Seijuro Hiko?

At the time, she felt more terrified than any other time in her life. Nevertheless, now, that dinner seemed nothing compared to having to look at the pregnancy test results.

The day Kenshin proposed?

Almost. After all, Kaoru had already been deeply in love with the man who – she was sure – was going to leave her that morning. Yes, that morning and the first case she had ever handled alone must have come the closest any experience can.

Those thoughts led her to think about her redheaded husband once more. A tiny voice in the back of her mind started once again repeating what she was most afraid of: 'what if Kenshin doesn't want it?' And even worse: 'what if Kenshin never says a word about the fact and quietly suffers the rest of his life, while labelling it as taking responsibility?' The scariest part of it was, that actually sounded like something Kenshin would do and, well, the last thing she ever wanted was to become a burden to him.

There was also a second voice in her head. A quieter, darker, a lot more broken one. A voice Kaoru refused to acknowledge, even as she gave into the fears whispered by the first one, as this voice repeated over and over: 'will Kenshin despise me very much if I'm the one that doesn't want it?'

The young woman took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself the best she could. When Kaoru finally looked at the stick, she saw two lines blur, along with everything else in her field of vision. As if on autopilot, she returned to her office without noticing it, sat on her soft chair and stared off into space.

Kaoru thanked her lucky stars that she hadn't met Kenshin on her way back from the bathroom. He would have certainly noticed her strange behaviour and, without a doubt, would have interrogated her until he got the reason behind it. As though through a mist, Kaoru remembered her redhead husband saying that they wouldn't be able to meet in the office probably that day at all. He was planning to spend his day in court, having stupid rich kid felony hearings stacked up on him all throughout his working hours.

... ∽∾●∾∼ …

It took Kaoru a while to recover from her state of shock, but after few hours the young bright-eyed lawyer was working on the stack of documents on her desk once again. She grabbed the one at the one at the very top. It was a pro bono case.

The person she was to defend in a hearing in a month and a half had been charged with the murders of three people and a robbery. Usually, Kaoru put everything she had into analysing a case like this, however, even it didn't manage to grab her complete attention. Her mind continued to wander back to the new life growing inside of her. It even reached a point where she began to worry if she could truly represent the person fairly.

Deciding to take a breath of fresh air, in hopes that it will help her concentrate, Kaoru decided to go meet with the suspect and interview him. As she sat in front of the white-haired man, which claimed to be innocent, just like most of her clients, the young woman didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

Maybe, the only difference between him and her any other defendant charged with murder was that this man seemed to be a bit more neurotic. It caused Kaoru to wonder if the place which would fit him the most was a psyche ward, instead of the cell he was to be confined in. In neat and small handwriting, Kaoru quickly wrote down herself a memo to ask one of the therapists she knew to have few sessions with the man in question.

When she made it back into the office, Kaoru was exhausted. Both physically and psychologically. Once back there, she just sat at her desk, playing with her fountain pen. Too tired to worry about the pregnancy or prepare for any of the upcoming trials. Mentally, the woman patted herself on the back for reaching the goal she gave herself few hours ago.

... ∽∾●∾∼ …

That evening, like any other, Kenshin went into Kaoru's office to ask her where they should spend the night. He had to knock on her desk to get her attention, as the woman, who seemed to have been out of it since the morning, didn't react at all when he called her name. When the young woman finally lifted her eyes to meet his, she seemed extremely startled, as if not expecting to see anyone, much less him, there.

"Kaoru, what's wrong?" Kenshin inquired worriedly.

He didn't like the look on her face at all. Had another symptom appeared? Had she finally gone to the doctor? Was it something serious? Something deadly?

"I'm pregnant, Kenshin." The woman in front of him whispered softly while keeping her eyes fixed on his face.

"Okay." Was all the redhead said, though she could clearly see the shock on his face. However, thankfully, his expression soon changed and his lips were graced with a slight smile. Kenshin was beyond relieved his wife's life wasn't threatened by some kind of mysterious illness.

"Would you like to be a father?" Even a bigger fear was evident in her big blue eyes.

Kenshin realised that his wife was having doubts and had to stop his smile from falling. But it was okay. It was her decision to make.

"I would love to be a father to our child. It would make me the happiest man alive. Nonetheless, you make me happy enough as it is. You don't have to feel pressured into having this child, okay?"

The redhead walked around Kaoru's desk, took her hand into his own and gently squeezed it. The small gesture served to reassure Kaoru that everything is going to be okay.

AN: Updating a fanfic two times in a row?! That doesn't sound like me at all. It's probably my first time doing this after I started proofreading my fics. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Positive and negative comments are welcome.