Chapter Thirteen

The Messiest Endings

A closed casket funeral. That's how the two adults decided to send off their only child.

By the point the police decided to give back Kenji's body to the pair, Kenshin and Kaoru barely spoke to one another. Gone were the soft words constantly whispered just a few months prior. No longer the wind carried their contagious laughter or sun shone on their genuine smiles. Now their lives were split in two: before and after their son's death.

The before they could still recall with, fondness, though they could no longer comprehend how a person could ever be that happy. The memories of their relationship's early days, of their son's first steps and words were often followed by regrets.

Why didn't they skip those unnecessary charades and confusing pas de deux? It was such an utter waste of time. They could've spent all those months getting to know each other better and falling even more deeply in love.

Why didn't they stop each other from seeking that arbitrary justice? Those matters in no way concerned them. They should've just stuck to doing their jobs the best they could, just like they had always done. That way... That way, Kenji would still be here...with them...

And, of course, why did they even get together at all, if it was going to end like this? They could have saved themselves so much suffering, just staying as acquaintances. Everything would have been so much simpler if Kaoru remained as Sano's sister Kenshin would see from time to time and the redhead as the more responsible best friend Sano liked to hang out with.

Both Kenshin and Kaoru hated knowing that they lived in the after. Here, the colours were nowhere as vivid as in their memories of the past. Even the quietest whisper seemed too loud, despite the fact that once upon a time they were used to hearing each other's roaring laughter. They hated the fact that their faces became so easily recognizable, the fact that, little by little, they were becoming too tired to actually feel anything.

It caused them such pain when Kenji's funeral was turned into a huge fiasco. With crowds of people waiting for them at the funeral home and later, at the entrance to the cemetery. They didn't need all those flowers left by people who weren't aware of their son's existence mere months ago. All of those declarations of condolences fell on death ears, as that was the last thing they wanted to hear.

All the way from the funeral home to the cemetery, Kaoru cried hot tears of hate. She didn't want her son's death to be treated as a mere spectacle to entertain the masses. She despised the fact that the crowds just wouldn't let them grieve in peace. Everyone had made that day about her and Kenshin when it was supposed to be about Kenji's untimely demise. However, she was the worst offender. Much worse than her husband who hadn't shed a single tear. Worse than those people enjoying their suffering. Worse than the person who took her son's life. She was worse because she cried for herself, for the crowds, for the hatred and no longer for her son.

... ∽∾●∾∼ …

Though it was more evident in the way Kaoru carried herself, living in the public eye wasn't good for either of the Himura's mental well-being. Kenshin seemed to be able to soldier on, however, behind closed doors all he wanted to do was tightly hug his wife and cry, letting out of his sorrows.

In fact, he tried to do it many times before. It's just that whenever he felt tears coming up, a tiny voice in the back of his mind told him that he has to be stronger than that. It kept repeating that his tears would only serve to satisfy those who did this. It was stupid, but every time those reasons would stop him from crying.

Eventually, no tears would come up even if he truly wanted. He had become simply unable to cry anymore. Kaoru ended up taking it the wrong way. In her mind, the redhead's lack of tears indicated his lack of grief. The woman started distancing herself from her husband even more. It even reached a point where she could no longer look at him without feeling hatred.

With the way Kaoru was acting, it became impossible to try and build their relationship from the ground up again. It wasn't for the lack of Kenshin's trying though. He made sure to do everything in his power to please her. He made her breakfast every single morning, though every evening he found it still untouched. He didn't say a word to her when she went out and bought a car, without saying a word to him or when she quit her job.

Not a single thing seemed to work though. In all honesty, it made Kenshin even more tired, sad and angry. The redhead knew that there was no was no way he could comprehend what his wife went through and tried to understand her actions. It didn't stop him wishing that Kaoru would at least try to improve their relationship as well.

In due time, Kenshin himself started spending less and less time at home, in favour of staying in his office even after he was long done with work. From the side, it probably didn't seem like it but sitting there, hunched over a never-ending pile of documents on his desk, was a rather welcome break from that once warm house. Even spending a day at the court was better than being home, for it let the redhaired man forget that frosty look in his wife's eyes and their crumbling marriage.

... ∽∾●∾∼ …

Completely opposite to that, Kaoru spent every waking moment thinking about everything that happened to them. The cause of it was the simple fact that she had nothing else to occupy her days with. She wasn't cleared to go back to work, which she eventually quit anyway to regain at least a bit of control over her life. She also had to attend therapy sessions, courtesy of all those doctors she had the pleasure to encounter while still at the hospital.

In theory, those therapy sessions sounded like a great idea. There was no doubt in Kaoru's mind, that too many people it led to salvation from their personal demons. However, she herself wasn't that kind of person. To the dark-haired woman, in practice, those sessions were a living hell.

Though she couldn't deny the overwhelming need to talk about what happened, every time even a word left her mouth about that day, it would become too real for her to handle. And she didn't even want to think about all of those conversations she shared with her therapist regarding her failing marriage and her husband.

Of course, she was aware that her therapist meant well, but that did nothing to change the fact that it was those sessions that pushed her to realise that she blamed Kenshin for everything that happened. Oh, how she despised herself for it. Especially, since deep down, she was aware that if there was anyone to blame for their son's death and the current state of their relationship it was her.

That's why Kaoru knew she needed out. Out of that therapist's office. Out of the house, she and Kenshin bought merely three years ago. Out of this relationship which was smothering her. Out of her husband's life which she was ruining.

Getting a divorce seemed like the only way to reach her goal. Hence, having no other plan than just to get over with it, Kaoru packed up all of her necessities, threw them in the back of her car and asked Kenshin for a divorce while visiting their son's grave. It all happened so fast – in a span of a few days. Just like that, she was done with her life in the after.