A.N : Hey Guys!! Firstly let me tell you that I absolutely adored the comments you left me for the last chapter. I'm so glad you enjoyed it that much! Anyways… enough rambling this is the chapter you were all longing for. It's a pretty long chapter but I'm sure you don't mind LOL. I really hope you enjoy it…Please don't forget to leave me a review.
Song used: Just so you know by Jesses McCartney
No good by Kate Voegele
Sorry by Buckcherry
My confession by Josh Groban.
Take care.
Chapter 12: Sorry…. it's not enough
Haley was putting the final touches on her make up. She was really happy today that make up had been invented because it was the only thing she had to hide the dark circles under her eyes, she had spent the majority of the night crying over Nathan means words.
He didn't know her at all…how could he even think for a second that she could just sleep around! She instinctively brought her hand to her bruised arm. Nathan had gripped her arm so hard that he had left the trace of his fingers on her skin.
I never thought he would hurt me the way he did! So mean…hurtful…cold… She thought looking at her eyes in the mirror. She was glad the lightning at TRIC would be pretty dark so nobody would see the tears she cried all night long. Well…Look on the bright side girl at least you wrote a song in one night!
"Haley? Hales? Ready to go?" Asked Brooke walking to her.
"Huh?" Asked Haley looking at Brooke in the mirror. "Yeah…" she said locking eyes with her best friends through the mirror. I wish I could tell her everything, but I couldn't bare seeing the pity in her eyes.
"Okay…" said Brooke with some sadness nodding slightly.
"What's wrong?" Asked Haley finally turning around.
Brooke looked at Haley with her head slightly bent to the right." There's something pretty big happening in my life Hales and…and I'm scared like hell because I don't know if it's good or not and I've got nobody to talk to that's all" said Brooke with sadness.
"What?" Asked Haley with disbelief. "How can you say that?" She added walking to Brooke taking her hands. "We've shared everything since we were 8 Brookie. I'll always be there for you." Added Haley with pain that her best friend couldn't talk to her about something that was bothering her.
"You don't mean that Hales… you've been shutting down since your birthday party… you don't let me all the way in anymore and…and I don't know why." Asked Brooke with tears in her eyes. "It's like I'm loosing my best friend and I don't know what to do to get her back." Added Brooke as a tear slowly felt down her left cheek.
"Oh no Brookie!" Haley almost shouted hugging her best friend tightly in her arms. "I love you so much! And I always will, nothings changed between us and nothing never will!" Added Haley sincerely. "It's just…it's just something I need to sort out alone." She shrugged drying her tears and Brookes'. "I need to sort things out alone to come out of this stronger," Said Haley with a sad smile. "You'll know it all soon I promise."
"Really?" Asked Brooke naively.
"Of course D. You're my Brookie! Nobody and nothing could make me love you or trust you less. You're my best friend…my sister!" Said Haley locking her eyes with Brooke's to show her she meant every word.
"I love you too J. You're my family." Said Brooke emotionally. Her parents were never around and Haley made her feel welcome in her home, Haley was the only person she fully trusted. Haley was her family. " Lucky we wear waterproof make up." She added with a dimpled smile.
Haley burst into laugher and shook her head. "You're something else Brooke Davis! Thanks for being in my life."
"I'll always be there…thanks for being in mine." Said Brooke taking her friends' hand to walk her outside. "So you're going to sing tonight right?" She asked changing subjects.
"I'm not sure yet…" Haley said shrugging. "So Brookie…. What's going on with you? I see a new light in your eyes and I like that…" She added curiously.
"I'm falling in love…." Said Brooke blushing, sitting behind the steering wheel.
"What?" Asked Haley honestly surprised. "You…in love…with who?!"
Brooke sighed and kept driving making sure her eyes stayed on the road. "I'll tell you soon J. I…I just need to know where we stand first. But I'm scared…I'm scared that he'll realize I'm not good enough for him." Brooke shook her head. "Maybe…maybe I'm just not enough."
"Not enough?" Asked Haley with indignation. "Brooke I don't want to hear those words coming from your mouth ever again! You're fantastic and any guy in the world would be lucky to get your heart. HE IS probably not enough!" Added Haley sincerely.
"You're a good friend Haley James." Said Brooke parking her car in front of TRIC.
"I'm just saying how it is D. You're fantastic." Said Haley taking a deep breath.
Once they walked into the club they went straight to the bar where Chris was chatting with Karen. Haley quickly hugged him and looked across the bar where her eyes met Nathan's. She quickly looked away. He looks as bad as I do! She thought. Well…he deserves it!
"I'll be back in a minute," said Chris looking behind him. "The open mic starts in 15 minutes and I just want to see if everything is set for me later." Said Chris with a wink.
Brooke looked at Haley and laughed. "He's gay isn't he?" She asked seriously.
"What? I…how?" Asked Haley confused.
"You're too comfortable with him…He's gay!" She said stating the evidence.
"Yep…" Said Haley fed up lying to her friend. "He's gay. "
Brooke gave a quick look to Nathan; who was looking at them "Oh…" She shouted like she finally got it. "You never moved on huh?" She added concerned.
Haley shrugged slightly." I'm a lost cause…IS your lover around?" Asked Haley changing subjects.
"Maybe…" Said Brooke mysteriously.
"So why are you wasting your time with me huh?" Asked Haley seriously. "Go to him and have fun…Tell him how you feel...Tell him you're scared before it's too late." Said Haley with a smile. She saw the doubts in her best friends eyes and urged her a little more. "Go! I'll be fine! Chris will be back in a minute."
"Okay," Said Brooke quickly hugging her friend. "I'll be back soon." She added disappearing into the crowed.
"Okay…. here's the last song before open mic starts!" Said the DJ. "This is dedicated to a special couple here's his the message « Forget about yesterday, it was just a big mistake. »"
Haley sighed in annoyance as the song started. I'm going to kill you Chris she thought, as she understood the song was for her and Nathan.
I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look awayI shouldn't love you but I want toI just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't moveI can't look away
Haley looked up and her eyes locked on Nathan's who gave her a shy smile. She didn't reply to it.
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop
Nathan took a deep breath and decided to go apologize. He felt bad all night long and wanted to talk to her when she couldn't run away and he knew that during her mother's concert she couldn't disappear. Plus he didn't have to fear Lucas because he had left for Savannah with Peyton to go to her Brother Derek's wedding last night.
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should knowI've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want toI just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
He sat beside her, as she looked down to her glass.
"Hey…" He said shyly.
"Hi…" She said coldly." If you came here to insult me more sorry, but I'm pretty sure you said it all last night." She said trying to sound detached.
"I'm sorry…" he said sincerely. "I didn't mean all the things I said. I…I didn't want to hurt you." He added trying to find her glaze.
It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not'
Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop
"You need to be more specific" she said finally looking up." You didn't mean to hurt me emotionally or physically?" She asked discreetly showing him the bruise on her arm. "You screwed up both anyway…"
"Oh my god…" He said in shock. "I'd rather die then hurt you!" He said trying to touch where she was bruised, but missing when she removed her arm away from him like his touch would burn her. "Please you have to believe me…I'm sorry…Really sorry," he added in a begging tone.
"Ok…" She said without any emotion. "I believe you."
"So….we're good?" asked Nathan his voice full of hope.
This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here
"No we're not." She said calmly "…and we never will be."
"But…but you said you believed me!" Said Nathan confused.
"I believe you when you say you're sorry." She said looking at him "it's just that your apologies are getting old and this time it's not enough. I told you before... We're done."
"Done?" He shook his head. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't feel anything for me anymore," He said turning her bar stool around for her to face him completely. "Look me straight into my eyes and tell me that part of your heart's not beating only for me anymore and I'll let you go…I won't bother you anymore," he added sincerely with his eyes full of sadness. He knew he couldn't survive if Haley stopped loving him completely. He just needed a bit of hope. I won't screw up again I swear…He said in one of his many prayers for hope.
"How could you believe my answer? I'm a whore remember!" Said Haley coldly deciding she'd rather sing then to stay with Nathan. "Mom!" She called for Karen to come to them.
As soon as Karen came Nathan regrettably let go of Haley. "Yeah baby?" Asked Karen curiously.
"I'm going to sing now! I'll be first." She said faking excitement and happiness, after all she had become a pro at faking happiness.
Haley walked on the stage, the lights almost blinding her before she had the courage to speak. "Well I promised one of my friends to sing tonight so here I am." She laughed trying to hide her discomfort. "This is a song I wrote really recently. I hope you guys are going to like it and please don't be too hard on me."
Haley sat on the stool and took the acoustic guitar that was handed to her. She looked and smiled out into the audience, as they were all clapping and cheering. There's no turning back…She thought starting to play.
I never feared the unexpected
'Till I found myself in this peculiar place
Unaware of where I was headed
Turns out it was your footsteps I had chased
Well I should know so much better than this
But you've occupied the center of my universe
I'm moving in reverseUnder your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving youI turn my head away
But my heart will remain
'Till the day I learn you're No Good for me.
"She clearly didn't write it for me!" Said Chris sitting beside Nathan. 'I'm not the one she loves, never were and never will be." He said looking straight in front of him.
"I…I don't understand." Said Nathan looking at Chris. "How do you know? He asked looking for certainty to help him believe.
It's illogical and it's outrageous
The way I let you keep me hangin' on
Your character is that contagious
I know I should have thought before I had done
I've gone and let my impulse be my guide
And on that note I'll be defenseless for some time
"I'm gay Scott….And no, she never let go of you…But God knows she should have. You're no good for her," Said Chris patting Nathan's shoulder before standing up to go and wait for Haley backstage.
"Wait…." Said Nathan grabbing Chris' arm. "I need to ask you a favor… " Added Nathan in a pleading tone. This is my last chance. He thought.
I'm moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving youI turn my head away
But my heart will remain'Till the day I learn you're No Good for me
Hey you there keep your distance
Don't you come around here
Don't test my patience baby'
Cause I ain't gonna let you off easy
I'm moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving you
I turn my head away
But my heart will remain
'Till the day I learn you're No Good
'Till the day I learn you're No Good
'Till the day I learn you're No Good for me
Once Haley was done she looked around and everybody was cheering and clapping even more. Tears were forming in her eyes. She loved to sing but thought she wasn't good enough.
Once she got off the stage she ran into Chris' awaiting arms. "I did it!" She shouted with a smile
"And you were fantastic Rock star!" Said Chris sincerely. "Well…The song was a bit bitter, but it's so you!!" He added kissing her forehead.
"I can't wait to hear you!" She said sincerely "what're you singing? The song I wrote for you?" She asked curiously.
"Nope…" he said shaking his head. "You'll have to wait…it's a surprise" he added raising an eyebrow seductively.
"Okay…" Said Haley. She wanted to know more, but Brooke just ran to her and jumped into her arms congratulating her profusely like she was the only one able to do so.
The other singers were terrible except Jake who sang a song he wrote called Someday.
"He's so talented!" Said Haley really impressed.
"He really is…" Said Brooke with some pride in her voice as her eyes stayed stuck on him, the light shining on them was making them burn even more.
Haley looked down and smiled. "He's perfect for you…" She simply said cheering him.
Brooke blushed. "Is it that obvious?"
"I know you better then myself." Said Haley hugging her friend.
At this moment Chris walked on stage. "Hey guys, for my first song tonight I'm going to do a cover of Sorry by Buckcherry. This song is dedicated to someone in the audience."
Haley smiled. She expected him to dedicate it to her, she was about to raise her glass of coke.
Chris cleared his throat and looked straight into Haley's eyes. "« I didn't mean any of it. Forgive me, I love you Mushu …»" Said Chris taking his guitar.
Haley accidently dropped her glass on the floor, luckily enough it didn't break. Brooke looked at Haley with worriedly.
"I'll take care of it…" She said to her friend who was frozen in shock before running to the bar for some napkins.
Flashback: 8 years ago.
Karen, Dan and Deb were out for the night so Lucas, Haley and Nathan stayed together at Nathan's house with the nanny. Haley had convinced them to watched Disney movies with her and she kept telling them that she would be like Mulan when she grew up: Strong and independent, but Nathan who loved annoying her kept telling her that she would be goofy and klutzy when she grew up and that she'd be just like Mushu. He called her Mushu for about 6 months after that.
End Flashback.
I can't believe he remembered! Thought Haley with teary eyes. Nathan dedicated a song to her and Chris agreed with it! She shook her head surprised.
Oh I had a lot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
Tears stared to fall on Haley's cheeks. She was about to forgive him again and she didn't want to. She needed to protect her heart. "I…I'm going home." She told Brooke doing her best to keep her voice from shivering.
"Ok…" Said Brooke nodding and seeing the pain in her friend's eyes. "I'll drive you." She added rubbing Haley's back soothingly.
"No…Stay and have fun. You deserve it Brookie. Lucas' car is here…" Said Haley showing a set of keys to Brooke. "My mom asked me to drive it home. I need to be alone."
Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry
Brooke smiled sadly and kissed her friend's forehead. "I'll visit you in the morning." She said drying a tear.
Haley nodded without a sound and ran away.
Both Chris and Nathan saw her flee. Nathan threw some money on the bar and followed after her.
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it backI love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby.I'm sorry baby, Yeah.I'm sorry.
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Haley kept crying the whole way back home. She hated how much impact this song had on her. Hearing the words « I love you Mushu » made her heart beat faster and she hated the fact that she had no will power when Nathan was involved.
"Love's not supposed to hurt this much! If we were meant to be it would be so easy!" She shouted angrily parking the car in front of her house.
As soon as she got home she changed into a pair of pj shorts and an oversized soccer shirt and crawled into bed laying in the fetal position. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks, but she was calmer already.
Her phone kept ringing, it was Nathan calling her. She decided to finally turn it off and fell asleep almost immediately.
Nathan was so frustrated. He parked his car down the road and he was standing in front of Haley's house for the past hour and kept trying to call her, he even knocked 2 or 3 times, but she didn't open the door or answer her phone.
"Okay…." He said looking around. Desperate situations call for desperate measures. He thought taking the spare key hidden under the small black rock on the driveway. He knew where the key was hidden since last year when Lucas lost his key, while his mother was in Holidays in London to see Haley.
Nathan opened the door to find the house in complete in darkness.
"Haley? Hales?" He called walking in. "I'm not stalking you…well I guess it looks like it but…" he cleared his throat. "I need to talk to you." He started to go up the stairs to go to Haley's room. "Just give me 10 minutes and after I'll get out of your life forever I promise." He said nicely. He opened the door to find her sleeping. Just like an angel he thought sitting in the chair and watching her sleep.
Haley turned in her sleep. It was like she could feel Nathan's presence in her dream. "Haley…Haley wake up…" She heard whispering. She frowned and opened her eyes to see Nathan sitting there. She jumped with surprise and sat up on her bed.
"What the hell?!" She shouted aggressively. "You get out!" She added pointing to the door. "You don't go into people's house's at night! Are you insane?"
"I'm probably insane…" Said Nathan not moving from his spot. "But I really need to talk to you." He said calmly. "You don't need to talk, just listen please…" He begged his voice shivering emotionally. "We've known each other forever Haley…" He sighed "and all I'm asking you before disappearing from your life is 10 minutes."
Haley sighed with clear annoyance and laid back on her bed turning her back to Nathan.
"I guess that means yeah…" Said Nathan with some disappointment. "Well…" He put a CD in her player. A soft and romantic melody filled the room. "I know music always spoke to your heart Hales. This song has been written for you…it's exactly what I wanted to tell you, but never found the words or the courage." He added while Josh Groban's voice filled their ears.
I have been blind, unwilling to seeThe true love you're giving.I have ignored every blessing.I'm on my knees confessingThat I feel myself surrenderEach time I see your face.I am staggered by your beauty,Your unassuming grace.And I feel my heart is turning,Falling into place.I can't hide itNow hear my confession
Haley closed her eyes letting the tears falling quietly down her cheeks. She hoped to hear him say that for so long that it seemed unreal to finally be happening.
I have been wrong about you.
Thought I was strong without you.
For so long nothing could move me.
For so long nothing could change me.
Now I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am captured by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide it
Now hear my confession
Nathan felt his heart pounding so much in his chest that he thought he was going to have a heart attack. He had his eyes locked on Haley's back and he was scared. For the first time in his whole life he was opening up, letting someone all the way in and he couldn't see her reaction.
You are the air that I breathe.
You're the ground beneath my feet.
When did I stop believing?
Cause I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart
Falling into place.
I can't hide it
Now hear my confession.I
can't hide it
Now hear my confession.
Hear my confession
Once the song was over Nathan waited a couple of seconds before he started to talk. This short lapse of time seemed to be an eternity for them.
Nathan cleared his throat. "I know it seems unreal when you look at my behavior since you've been back, but being around you seems to enhancing the worse part of me. I'm in love with you Haley… And I can't live with the idea that I lost you." He said looking down.
Haley's eyes widened but didn't turn around. "You love me?" She asked trying to sound cold. "And you just noticed that?"
"No…I guess I just refused to face it! I mean look at my life. I've got a mother who prefer's to raise money for some strangers then to spend time with her son and as for my dad well…" He smiled "until recently he knew my stats by heart, but forgot my birthday!"
Haley wanted to turn around and hug him, but she used all her inner strength not to move. You've got to stay strong! She thought closing her eyes.
"When your brother told me about your feelings for me you just took your plane for Paris and I didn't understand why I didn't see it. It took me long enough, but…but I guess a part of me always loved you Haley. I just refused to accept it because you're too good for me. I can't be enough." His voice broke emotionally and tears started to fall slowly down his cheeks.
Haley quietly turned around and saw the tears falling down his cheeks.
"I refused to see what you felt because I didn't feel worthy of your love and I was sure you would notice it one day and you'd break my heart, but… but I'm the one who made you suffer. It scares me to love you as much as I do. I've never felt so vulnerable then when I'm with you and I'm just so scared." Nathan stood up and walked to the door.
"You don't know me.." She said sadly. "You said so yourself." She added looking at the ceiling.
"I was so jealous and angry that….that I said anything to hurt you." He said his voice shaking. He was trying his best to keep the tears in. "But I know you!" He added sure of himself "...and I love every part of you." He smiled while remembering. I love you when you bite your bottom lip because you don't know what to say, I love the way you play with your pinky ring when you're uncomfortable. I loved how you're passionate when you talk about your friends, music or school. I love the way you see good in every one."
Haley discreetly looked at him standing in front of her door. He was looking away, but she could clearly she the pain on his face.
"I love the way you smile when something is really absurd, I love the way you curve the right side of your mouth when you try to hold your laugh in. I love the way your eyes light up when you see Brooke or Lucas but..." Nathan took a deep breath. "I especially love the way you make me feel worthy, you never treated me like I was stupid and I love the way you look at me. I…I guess I just love you beyond words Haley."
Nathan heard a sob coming from Haley's bed and decided he said everything that needed to be said. If he couldn't convince her with this revelation nothing would never convince her. He sighed with pain while tears fell down his cheeks.
Nathan put his hand on the handle. "You see I know you….I know your heart Haley James." He said with a sob. "I wish you still loved me and I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. Thanks for loving me at least for a little while. I feel blessed. It was good for a guy like me to be loved by a girl like you."
Nathan was about to open the door when Haley jumped out of bed.
"Nathan wait!" She shouted still crying. She walked to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You're enough…Always have been and always will be. I love you Nathan Scott and I forgive you," she said smiling through her tears.
Nathan turned around and lifted Haley in his arms. "You still love me?" He asked locking eyes with hers.
She kissed his nose and rubbed his cheek softly." Of course I do. I never stopped…Not even for a minute. I love you….every version of you," she said lovingly stroking his cheek.
Nathan walked to the bed and gently laid Haley on it before laying beside her.
"I'll make you happy… I'll try to be the man you deserve." He said softly against her lips.
"You already are." Said Haley cupping his face in her hands, closing the distance between their mouths and starting to kiss him passionately.
Nathan wrapped his right arm around her waist and pressed his body against her. He loved feeling her moving under him. He groaned when Haley started to softy kiss his jaw lines. "You drive me crazy…" He said breathlessly. "Gosh I love you so much Haley James."
Haley wrapped her hands around his neck and locked eyes with him. "That's good because I love you too Nathan Scott." She said with a smile.
Nathan rested his forehead against hers. "I'll never hurt you again," he said closing his eyes. "I really hate myself for hurting you."
"I know you won't" she said closing her eyes too. "I gave you my heart Nathan and I trust you to take care of it." She added her heart racing in her chest feeling Nathan's hot breath on her face.
"My heart's beating only for you baby." Said Nathan starting to kiss her again." It started beating when you appeared in my life."
They made out for another half an hour when Nathan growled. "It's going to kill me to go home, but you need your sleep and your mother will be home soon." Said Nathan sadly.
Haley sighed while he smoothed her hair. "It's hard for me too, I'd love to have you here with me." She said blushing.
"I love you so much when you blush" he said with a little laugh. "I'd give everything to sleep with you in my arms." He said standing up and looking for his shoes.
Haley stood up and locked her bedroom door. "Stay with me tonight…"She said uncomfortably. "You wished you could sleep with me in your arms well…I dreamed for years to sleep in yours." She said emotionally.
"Are you sure?" Asked Nathan hopefully.
"I've never been so sure!" She said laying back on the bed.
Nathan looked at her for a couple of seconds before stripping into his boxers and hurrying to join her. In case she change's her mind he thought.
Haley smiled at Nathan's eagerness and closed the distance between their bodies. She put her head on her chest, while he held her tightly.
He kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight my angel." He said lovingly.
"Good night boyfriend." She said closing her eyes drifting off to sleep with the beating of his heart.
In next chapter: Love is a great feeling but there is a time when you need to face reality again….