The sound of her voice and the sleekness of her pelt invokes first a crush. That crush inspires a barrage of insults, slurs, innuendos that he is infinitely proud of- summoning that kind of genius isn't easy. And that crush stays for a little while, despite the doctrine that is shoved down his throat. When does it escalate? That stay in the storm, he thinks, when he realizes he is in too deep, and he can't move his legs. It's up to his chest, his chin, as she laughs at him. When he kills her in the meadow he is head over heels, and he is shattered. He won't put himself back together again.