The third times the charm right? I mean, If the second was such a big hit(Grimace said it was the funniest fic
since 'Scarlett the Fairy goes on a Picnic' which is nearly 10 years old) why wouldn't this be? Think of all
the great threequels out there? Godfather 3...Shrek..3...The Italian Empire...uhhh...oh boi.
But hey, this one isn't a SpongeBob parody, It's original(still my style of humor...I hope) and no, It's not
a parody of 'The Gods must be Crazy' Thats just a damn good title, and its funny AF.
I was also a bit unsure where to set this, as it would stick my flag into the ground as to where I thought
Lawndale was. Up until very recently I was always a fan of the Baltimore interpretation, but after finding some
other evidence in an old Angst Guy post, I changed my mind. Where I chose should be pretty clear by the end.
Anyway, let's get on with this beasty thing...pls be good...maybe not as good as Janes Procrastination, but
atleast better then No Brainy Janeys Allowed. Gulp...ok...let's get on with it...ugh.
The Janes Must Be Crazy
It was a dark night. Jane paced around, carefully thinking to herself.
So. This is where the great Jane Lane ends up? Not a fancy mansion, not starved, to be appreciated posthumously
by millions, not even in a strip club in Miami. No, here, a lowly rehab centre in Elizabeth Town. A glorified
mental hospital, just with less manics and more junkies. Hell, towmorrow she'd be in a real mental hospital.
Oh Joy.
"Hmmph, I didn't even cut the chance to cut off my ear in an insane fit. I had the piercings to mark it and
everything. Heh, guess this is karma for not writing that essay...ugh."
Jane thought about the green farm fields to the west, and the wandering buildings
to the east. The sounds of the crickets would be ringing in the air by now.
"How on satans earth did it come to this?"
And she thought back, to when It all began.
Jane bust through the door, screaming at the top of her lungs!
"MR O'NEIL I GOT MY ESSAY DONE! YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE HELL I WENT THROUGH TO...say..where is everyone?"
Unfortunatly, she had failed to realize it was the weekend. Perhaps on a normal day, the lack of Darias cynical
realism to greet her would have told her.
Or maybe just a quick look at her calender, for that matter. Calenders have a well known tendency to tell the
date.
But unfortunatly, outdoors is not a calenders natural habitat, and thats where Jane had awoke.
Neither are pants, for that matter, for she also lacked those.
Regardless of how she got there, here Jane Lane was, pantless, bloodshot eyes, raving mad. Just then, Mrs Li
herself walked in, having heard the commotion.
"What the hell is...oh, Jaaane Laaane, I'd expect you to be the one bringing grave dishonor to Laaawndale
High, but on a weekend is simply...Why aren't you wearing any pants exactly?"
"Well I..." Jane looked down, realizing her lack of pants. The combination of sleep deprevation over the past
3 weeks, stress from both the prior night and recent hospital recent(not to mention the chaos that lead to that
visit) made creating a snarky comeback impossible, leaving Janes Brain on autopilot.
"Crap...uh, I can explain. I was writing my essay, and then there was this package, and then the TV attacked
me, and the walls melted and stole my pants and burned everything and then my house tried to kill me and-this
isn't helping my case is it?"
Ms Li shook her head. Then, a smirk entered her face, as she looked behind her at the security camera. She
then pulled out a walkie talkie, and spoke. "Yeah, its Li. Vlad, Hiro, I need you two here ASAP, we have a Code
Orange Reddish clash X-9/2319 type B, we have a druggie in the premises, armed and dangerous, apprehend
immediately."
By the time she said immediately, Jane's tired brain finally figuired out what was going on, and after a few
seconds in shock bolted for the door.
Unfortunatly for Jane, the electric door lock triggered before she could get out. Clearly those fundraisers
were put to work. "Why did I ever help them?" Jane yelped as she pounded on the door, stuck fast.
Jane was suddenly grabbed from behind, and before she could fight back another figuire grabbed her. She
struggled, "LET ME GO", before being tazed, and quickly falling to the ground, dazed and confused, as the
thugs dragged her off.
"Thanks Boys, please, if you would be so kind, please send this poor unfortunate girl to the rehab centre I
have listed on the book in the back. It's a shame such dishonor has disgraced Laaawndale High, but I promise-"
"Yeah yeah we get the point lady, we'll do that." Vladislav complained as he moved Jane. Li was as corrupt as
a soviet dictator. But, she did pay well, so it was best for him and Hiro to keep their mouths shut.
As they moved Jane into a nearby vehicle, Li walked into her office, pouring herself a glass of absinthe.
She had connections all throughout the rehab centre, hell, even a spy in the nearby pizza place. Might be
useful in this situation.
Her connections would ensure Jane would be deemed unfit to rejoin society and heavily psychotic, and she'd
be sent north to the mental hospital in Timber, where she would never threaten her operation again. And if,
even if Jane somehow got out and was deemed sane(which she would make sure would never happen, she had hands
in Timber) nobody would ever listen to an ex-mental patient about financial fraud. Simply ridiculous.
Her laundering op was safe. Now, if only such a valid chance to dispose of the troublesome Miss Morgendorffer
appeared. She had blown her past chance, she wouldn't do that again.
And with that, Angela finished her drink, and exited her office.
When Jane came to, she was in the back of a van. She quickly scooted to the back, only to find a hole where
the emergency release was supposed to be.
"Sorry Red, Angela took those away months ago after skinny rolled down the highway. May as well just enjoy
the ride." Vladislav stated with a touch of sorrow.
"Could be worse. She used to force us to threaten you lot, turns out its not really needed." Hiro added.
It took Jane a moment to process what he said. "So you're saying Miss Li is lying and manipulating people
to essentially kidnap those who she has the opportunity to dispose of and ship them off under false pretenses?"
"Hey Vlad, we got a smart one this time!"
"Да,Да, indeed.."
The van went silent for several minutes. Then Jane spoke.
"So, how much Li pay you per person? I got to see how lucrative this market is."
That got everyone in the room to laugh, as they pulled into the facility, driving into a small backlot. A
korean man stood there, waving them over.
"Ok boys I'll take it from here, tell Li I said hi." Jane responded "Tell her to go to hell."
"Sorry, bit of lip on this one." Vladislav apologized, though it felt forced.
"Don't worry, I'm SURE I can fix that." he said with a sick grin, that made Jane shudder in fear.
And with that, he disappeared into the building, leaving Vlad and Hiro standing there, thinking.
"I can't stand working for that dishonorable cunt Li. Vlad...I just...I'm not sure If I can do this."
"I know comrade, but the bitch has us by the balls and If she goes we all do."
"...I know that far too well Vlad...we never should have gotten in this situation."
"Да" Vlad responded, as he took a swig of vodka.
LATER THAT NIGHT
Jane was in her room, the grinning man had said the fun would come later. She didn't want to find out his
definition of fun. Jane knew her rights, so the second a orderlie walked by she seized her moment.
"I demand my one phonecall. And by one phonecall, I mean as many as I please, as that is what I am allowed
so long as I cooperate."
She stared for a moment. "This isn't a prison, miss."
"Well, thats a surprise, I could hardly tell. My rights apply either way."
"Ugh fine, but make it quick."
A few minutes later, Jane called the only person she could think to call.
"Hello. You have reached the pit of disparity, also known as the morgen-" BBZZZZT. No answer. Drat.
"Goddamn it Daria, why musn't you answer when it matters most?" Jane thought for a moment who else she knew.
Trent was at home. Sleeping. Peacefully.
RING RING RING.
"WHA NO OFFICER I SWEAR SHE WAS EIGH...what day is it? Did Janey finish her essay? I need coffee"
RINGRINGRING
"Oh right, the phone. Keep your shirt on I'm coming."
RINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRINGRING.
Trent finally reached the phone.
"Hello?"
"TRENT, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME, SOMEBODY DRUGGED AND MS LI WANTED ME OUT OF HER HAIR SO SHE KIDNAPPED ME AND SENT
ME TO A REHAB PRISON IN-" BZZT.
BOOP. BOOP. BOOP. The call ended prematurely.
Trent stood there for a moment, frozen in shock. Then he threw the phone!
"I'LL KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!"
The orderlie had unplugged the phone. "Sorry Miss, but If your using the phone I can't have you saying stuff
like that, the boss would kill me."
Jane sighed "Normally I'd retort wittily, but I get the impression I'm on thin ice as is."
The woman noded, and handed Jane the phone back. Jane was going to have to take a serious approach.
Jodie was busy studying when her brickcell ran. She quickly picked it up.
"Hello, you've reached the Landon residence. This is Jodie Landon speaking."
"Jodie, this is Jane Lane, I need your help."
Jodie sighed "Jane, if you think I'm gonna help you cheat on your essay, you-"
"I've been incarcerated."
Jodies jaw dropped. "Wait WHAT!?"
Jane, filled with determination, continued undeterred. "Someone drugged me last night, and I was indecently
exposed. Ms Li sent me to a rehabilitation facility. I need good legal advice, and you're the most legally
sound person I know."
Jodie was in total shock, but she managed to collect herself. "Look...I don't know the exact circumstances,
but just try to keep your story straight, defend your rights, and please, Jane, I know this might be hard, but
avoid snark if you can, you don't want anyone judging you in this kind of situation, appearance matters."
"Amen" and Jane hung up. "I just need to make one more call."
BEEP BEEP BOOP BOOP BOP BOO BEEP
"Hello this is Pizza King, where we serve you, how may I help you."
"Is Daria there?"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to-"
"This is Jane Lane speaking, I am not only Darias friend, But I account for 14% of your annual income. It would
be a shame to lose all that profit, wouldn't it?"
The man on the other end sighed.
"She's not here Miss Lane."
"Goddamn it." 'Where the hell was Daria then? She didn't exactly wander much...guess I have to improvise', Jane
thought to herself as she planned her response.
"Is there a Fat goth girl present?"
"No, nobody fitting that description."
'Damn, well it was a longshot.' Jane thought long and hard at her options. There was one other person...Jane
bit her pride.
"Do you...huh, Is there a clean looking blonde kid wearing glasses, he may or may not be sitting next to a
fat girl with glasses."
"Uhh, yes I see? Do you want to speak to him."
Jane thought long and hard about that one.
Ted and Dani were eating Pizza. Pizza forest had been shutdown after an accident involving faulty locks on a
animatronic hybrid suit, so they ate at Pizza King. A worker walked over.
"Phone call." Ted grabbed the phone, curious who could be calling him here.
"Ted, I can't talk long. It's me, Jane, the artist girl, I kept trying to get into that club a few weeks ago,
remember?"
"Yeah I remember, I heard you ended up in a hospital, you doing ok?" But Jane ended that thought quickly.
"Yeah, I'm fine, except I've been locked up for something I didn't do. If you can do anything, please do, your
good with computers, right? Get me a damn good lawyer. And tell Daria whats going on, I can't get a hold of her.
Thanks." And with that, Jane hung up for the last time, leaving Ted standing there, Shell shocked. Dani noticed
his odd behavior and took the chance to comment.
"Ted, I haven't seen your jaw drop that much since that one Risk game, who was it, your giiiiiirrrrlfriend?"
she teased mockingly, but Ted remained still.
"Remember that artist girl, Darias friend, she wanted to get into the salted wound?"
Dani smirked. "I haven't stopped thinking about her...why?"
"She's been arrested for something she didn't do...I think.."
Now it was Danis turn to be shell shocked.
"THEY DID WHAT?!"
"Thanks for the phone, I guess."
The orderlie nodded. "I just hope my boss dosen't kill me, don't say anything, okay."
"My lips are sealed."
And with that, she walked off, and Jane was alone, in the small cell like room, with nothing but the cold
company of her dark, cynical, thoughts.
'What I'd kill for some pizza. Hmmph, in this hellhole they might take that as a threat of violence.'
'I really shouldn't be talking to myself in my head. I may go crazy. Eh, could be fun.'
MEANWHILE
Angela Li was in her office, sorting through the usual mountain of paper work, when the door burst open.
It was Trent Lane, walking towards her rapidly with a death glare in his eyes, and a baseball bat in his hands.
Well now, what was she to do now?
Li quickly pulled a shotgun out from under her desk, cocking it loudly. Trent stopped rather quickly.
"This thing is fully loaded. I have a security team armed to kill, not to mention the hounds. Drop the bat and
walk away." Trent, despite his rage, was wise enough to not argue with the mad woman with the gun.
"You son of a bitch, you drugged Jane just to get rid of her." Li laughed. Hard.
"I did no such thing. I simply helped the poor girl get the help she sooo desperatly needed, bringing glory to
Laaawndale high. Now then, please leave the premises or I will be forced to shoot you in self defense."
"You're a real motherfucker, you know that?" Li pulled up her walkie talkie, but Trent was already out the door
before she could call in her two heads of security.
"Hmmph, what a nuisance." And Li returned to her work like nothing happened.
Trent walked off, and began to formulate a plan.
"Don't worry Janey. I'll get you out of there, one way or another."
DAY 2:
"Alright, we're just gonna do a little psychological profiling, nothing invasive."
Jane's face stayed firm, "I'm sure that's exactly what they told Sergeant Shaw."
"Oh, don't be like that Jane, you just need to have a little trust."
"Before or after I drink the kool-aid?"
"We'll just look at some pictures, ok?"
Jane smirked. "Oh my, getting to the pictures already? We haven't even gone out to di-" But Jane was cut off
by the doctor "SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BITCH BEFORE I SHUT YOU UP!"
Jane stopped talking after that, and for a moment, that horrible grin returned to his face. Then he resumed.
"Good. Now then, I want you to tell me what you see in this picture." He held up a picture of a smiley face.
"A yellow circle, with two black dots and a black curved line." The doctor pulled out another picture, this
time of a knive. "And what is this?"
"A piece of stainless steel, carved in such a way it could be used as a cutting tool." Jane said with a smirk.
She may not have been able to go full out with her snark(since she really didn't want to get institutionalized)
but she was gonna be literal as hell if it meant annoying Doctor Frankenstein here.
"And this?" He said, holding up a caliedoscopic cacophony of colours. Jane didn't know quite what to say.
"Uhh...a bunch of swirling of colours?"
The doctor smirked that horrible smirk for a moment, then spoke "You may leave now, Jane."
Jane did as she was told, allowing the doctor to jot down Janes results on a sheet.
The sheet was for an Ink blot test, however. It was never intended for the images he had shown. This was all
according to plan.
"The patient displays severe signs of mental detachment, hallucinations and a perchant for violence. Recommend
immediate transfer to the Timberhills Mental Hospital for brain chemistry adjustment and possible isolation."
The doctor grinned madly as he filed the report in. Angela always payed him well to dispose of threats.
DAY 3
'Dear Mental Diary, as the third day of my imprisonment goes on, I feel as though my very grip on reality is
being slowly weakened, especially since I appear to be talking to myself, inside my own head, in my thoughts.
"Deep." I said outloud. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I tried to ask for a pizza, which didn't
work quite as planned. I have stared at the ceiling so long, I swear it appears to be shifting, almost like
its breathing. I need to get out of here before I start dancing with the pink elephants in lala land.'
"Daria, where are you. I could really use your help right now amiga."
MEANWHILE, AT THE MORGENDORFFER RESIDENCE.
Daria was in her room, reading a book, when Quinn walked into the room.
"Like, Daaarria, that spiky haired guy with the greenshirt came by again. I can't keep telling him you're at a
book convention, atleast without my pay."
"Don't worry Quinn. You'll all pay soon enough. Soon"
"Good, I could use some new shoes, Sandi says these are, like, so last week."
"Whatever."
"Jeez, Daria, you're acting even more souless then usual, lighten up a little."
"Yes, acting. I'll try."
"Ugh" And with that, Quinn left the room in persuit of new shows, allowing Daria to read the works of Shiro
Ishii in peace.
DAY 4: SOMEWHERE IN LAWNDALE
Trent Lane awoke with a snap.
'What the hell happened last night?' he thought to himself. 'Well, I couldn't get to Li, Daria was gone, and
Jesse still hadn't come back yet. I think I went to The Salted Wound, and...jeez, what the hell happened?
-FLASHBACK-
Trent walked to The Salted Wound, feeling pretty shit about everything going on. A scottish man stood at the
door.
"Welcome tae the saltit wound, hou touch are ye?"
"Oh, hey Anguiss, It's me Trent, remember?"
"Aye, A remember ye mate, ye feelin doun, ye leuk like shit."
"I know, just let me in."
"Okay then." And Anguiss let Trent in, as he moped his inside. Anguiss looked at him in concern.
"A hope the lad is doin better soon...he dosenae leuk guid."
And with that, Trent walked in.
"Give me the strongest vodka you have, and lots of it.
"Ohhkay then."
GULP GULP GULP BUUUURRRRP.
"More."
"Sir are you su-"
"MOAR!"
-PRESENT DAY-
"Ugggghhhh, I drank WAY too much last night."
Well, mystery solved, I got hammered last night.
Now to figure out where I am...and...and...WHO THE HELL IS THIS WOMAN NEXT TO ME?!
BACK IN ELIZABETHTOWN
Jane was at the door, trying to look as unbroken as possible, when she saw it.
"No way." It was Charles, walking down the hallway.
"I think I'm hallucinating Upchuck...I don't want to think of the implications of that." this got Charles
attention.
"Whhhy hello Jane, wh...what are you doing here, exactly?"
"What are YOU doing here Upchuck?"
"Well...there was an incident..and.." Jane seized the moment to snark.
"Charles, you're supposed to put the roofies in the OTHER persons drink, not chug them yourself."
Charles froze. "No no no, nothing like that...I uh...hallucinated...someone.. running around town in their
underwear, and Doctor Millipieds thought I might be using drugs...so he sent here to get checked. My tests were
clean, so I'm on my very merry way."
Jane blushed. "Huh, you saw that eyy? I wasn't even trying to get you incarcerated that time."
"Feisty!" Upchuck snorted as he walked out.
It wasn't until he had gotten a taxi the implications of what Jane said hit him.
"Wait...saw that...saw what...wait...SHE WAS ACTUALLY IN HER UNDERWEAR!?"
Needless to say, the taxiguy couldn't help, but wonder who the hell he had picked up.
DAY 5
Jane had been expecting the Korean mad grinning doctor to show up, and was surpised to see a texan woman
instead.
"Hello, I'm Doctor Mary, today is group meeting day, I'm here to take you to see the group."
"You seem nice...by this places standards." And Jane went peacefully.
When she walked into the room, it looked kinda like your classic AA meeting. People in a circle, sitting,
some of them looked less twitchy then others, you know, the usual. Someone was finishing speaking...
"-and I think we can all aspire, to be more like him. Amen." everyone in the room clapped, as Jane sat down.
"Hello, My name is Gaz Price, and, It's been 4 weeks since I snorted any cocaine, of anykind. It's been a
hard journey for me...every day is a struggle, but I'm feeling a little beter each day, and I hope I shall
never have to do crack again." CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.
"I am Viktor Kravchenko, and I haven't drank a bottle of anything since the spring equinox. I am very proud of
myself, and soon I shall be a productive member of society once more, and hopefully continue to help others in
need, amen." CLAPCLAPCLAP.
"Hello, My name is Jane Lane. I haven't done any drugs outside of the occasional wine tasting. I don't know
why I tripped out, sleep deprevation, someone drugging me, I'm not sure. But what I am sure of, is I don't
belong here, I am NOT one of you, I am a normal, functioning person, and I-" By this point the korean man had
appeared to remove Jane from the room as she continued "will not stand for this mistreatment. And neither
should you ,RISE, RISE UP AGAINST THE SYSTEM THAT HAS FAILED YOU!"
Jane wasn't allowed to leave her room the rest of the night.
DAY 6
It was the wee hours of the morning, roughly 3-AM, Jane wasn't asleep, as the thoughts of what Daria and Trent
were doing without her kept her up, along with a brief hallucination of Daria coming in through the window
under the glow of the moon to save her. Which was even crazier then it sounded, considering she didn't have a
window.
Then, she could swear she heard a voice outside. It was a ways away, but as Jane listened, she could make it
out.
"-no, I wouldn't negotiate, I charge a fixed rate, 3K per person. ... No, I don't care, 3K or she goes free."
Jane finally realized who was talking, It was the Korean Doctor. But what was he talking about.
"Don't make me raise my rate Angela! ...Yes, she's secure. ...No, nobody saw me with Vlad.
Buisness as usual. ... I'll send that little twat to Timber towmorrow morning, you'll never hear from
her again. ...No, not THIS morning, NEXT morning. ...Yes I know. ... Goodbye."
BOOP.
"God that woman gets on my nerves sometimes." And with that, he walked off, leaving Jane to contemplate what
exactly was said.
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN HARRISBURG
"Thank god I'm clean. I'm never drinking again"
After his little drunken incident on Tuesday, Trent had gone to a clinic to get checked for STDs(STIs?)
Thankfully, he was clean for everything(well, except for a lil oral herpes, but who dosen't have that) and
after 2 whole days was allowed to go home to Lawndale with a clean bill of health.
Now, it was Thurdays, which meant Jesse was back.
"Time to save Janey!"
It was the early morning, Jane had just received her breakfast, but she was keeping a close eye on the grinning
doctor.
He was doing paperwork.
Jane was just starting to lose hope when someone came on his intercom.
"Doctor Saem, you're needed in the hub. We just picked up two young adults, they are laughing incessantly and
appear to have long term facial damage, suspected druggies, we need your help getting them in."
The Doctor groaned, looked back and forth, and promptly left the room. Jane had her chance.
"Hey, Alan?" Jane asked the man next to her, who she had meet prior during group day.
"Yeah?"
"What does it mean to be 'Sent to Timber?'" After asking that Alan seemed shocked for a moment then realization
filled his face.
"Oh, right, forgot you were new here. Some of the people we get here are real crazies, psychotics, smoked so
much meth they can't remember what color the sky is, you get? When those guys don't respond to treatment, they
send em to a mental hospital northeast of here in Timberhills. I'm not exactly sure, but I hear they do brain
chemistry adjustment procedures there, real experimental 't worry, you seem like one of the good ones."
But Jane was worried. Deeply worried. Her face was completely frozen in fear.
"Uh...Jane? You okay? Jane?"
"I've got to fucking get out of this hellhole."
"What do you-" But the doctor had reentered the room, and Alan was wise enough to keep his mouth shut.
"Alright Spiral, we need to save Jane, and after 2 days of nonstop drinki-I mean thinking, nonstop thinking,
I have a plan!"
Trent had gathered the whole of Mystik Spiral to organize a team to save Jane from the compound. Buuuuuuut...
"Uh, save Jane from what?"
"You've been drinking?"
"You've been thinking?" Trent cut the lot off before they could continue questioning Trents state of mind.
"Now guys, settle down a bit. Jane was drugged and framed by my vindictive ex principal and is being held
against her will in a prison of a rehab centre located in Elizabethtown. We need to launch an effort to save
her."
"Wow...you've really thought this one through...uhh, I was promised Pizza!"
Trent may have stretched the truth a bit when inviting them over...something about practice, and free pizza,
and an ice cream truck, and a bunch of prostitutes. You know, slight exaggeration, but it draws young adults
like a moth to a flame.
"Fine, fine, we get pizza, THEN we save Janey!"
"AWESOME!"
It was late at night. Jane had spent most of the day attempting to find an opportunity to make her great escape
but unfortunately, the moment had not yet presented itself. Jane was getting desperate, she wasn't going to
let them get her brain like a bunch of clinical zombies.
She lie in bed, thinking to herself. What would she do if she didn't escape? Would she ever see Daria again?
Would she even BE her, when they were through with her? What would Daria do without her? What about Trent? Wha-
Wait...that orderlie looks familar...It couldn't be...
"Reg?" The man turned over, suprised to hear his voice. It WAS Reginald!
"Who the...wait...Jane? Jane Lane? Miss 'I'm getting in that club no matter what'? What are you doing here?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing Reg." Reg got a frown on his face.
"After your little trip n slip, I my boss apparently thought it was my fault for letting you in...despite the
fact I was following HIS orders, little bastard...not to mention...I guess they thought Anguiss was doing a
better job then me, and he dosen't even speak english...so.."
"No, you did a damn fine job...although I would have prefered to get in easier." Reg chuckled.
"Hehe, yeah, sorry about that...anyway, how did you get here Jane? Drinking problem? Drugs?"
"No, someone drugged me and my principal saw it as a chance to get rid of me. The thugs she hired to do it
seemed to know it was all BS anyway. You gotta get me out of here Reg!"
Reginald hesitated for a moment. "Look Jane...I know your probably being honest...and that means alot,
considering the lengths you went to get in to The Salted Wound, but I honestly believe you...but..I just got
this job...I need the money...and I don't want this going on my record...It wouldn't help with Job prospects."
Jane thought deep and hard...this was her one chance...she wasn't going to lose it. Jane took a deep breathe.
"You know...you're right Reg. This could cost you..your job, maybe more. But I want you to think about this.
They're going to send me to Timber towmorrow...I could be, mentally, DES-TROYED, for something I didn't do.
Do you honestly want that? Me, an innoce-mostly innocent person, being destroyed...because you didn't act?"
Reg sighed...Jane was right. "...I'm on laundry duty towmorrow morning...make sure EVERYTHING important
is in a nice BIG PILE, on the floor, so I can PICK it UP and take it OUT, okay?"
Jane smiled, her salvation was at hand. "Yes, I understand Reg. I understand completely.
Trent and the Spirals had gone to the local pizza joint to grab a pie for the road, and to discuss plans.
"Ok, so Jesse, you take out the guards, Nicky, you come with me to get Jane, Max, you drive the tank, be ready
for a getaway. Everyone clear?"
They all looked at each other. Jesse spoke first, "Uh, Trent, I know you really got to save your sister and all
but, couldn't we get in trouble for all this? Like, bad trouble, I mean..."
Max chipped in "Yeah, besides, even if we get her out, won't they come looking for her...or maybe-"
Suddenly, another voice spoke. "Gentlemen, I couldn't help, but overhear your predictement. I believe I can be
of some assistance."
Trent was surprised. "Uh, who the hell are you?"
The girl smiled. "A friend of Janes. And I have a friend who can help you out."
Trent thought for a moment...he needed to help Jane at all costs.
"Okay...what do you got?"
And Dani told them. Oh boy did she.
DAY 7
At exactly 11 minutes and 32 seconds before the 5 oclock wakeup, Reginald came around, and picked up the
'laundry.'
Walking the laundry cart to the chute rather nerviously, he poured the laundry down.
"Good luck Jane."
As it turns out, the ride down the Laundry chute was rather bumpy, even with 15 pounds of underwear cushioning
the blow.
As the laundry reached the bin, Jane tumbled out, and slowly climbed out the side, brushing the bras off her
face. "Upchuck would kill to have a pile of panties this big all to himself."
After climbing out, Jane slowly crept about, looking for an exit.
"Hey Ted."
Ted looked up from his pizza, to see Dani next to him.
"Lets cut the crap, I need you to hack into the BP Rehab centre's database."
Ted was shocked. "Cut the...hack the...Dani, I can't do this, that would be morally un-"
"I'll give you my Neopet."
"Well I can't-"
"And my vintage coins."
"But I-"
"Ok, fine, the holographic Charizard!"
Ted thought for a moment.
"Consider it done."
Jane had managed to find a secondary exit.
It was locked, but thankfully a Janitor came by, who used his key so he could smoke out back.
The second he turned the corner, Jane sprinted forward, barely catching the door in time, and dashing off the
property as fast as her legs could carry her.
The Janitor, who was smoking for the 3rd time that morning, turned to see Jane running off. He pulled out his
walkie talkie, calling the first person he could find.
"Saem, we got a situation, one of the druggies has escaped."
A few seconds later, the alarm went off.
A FEW DOZEN YARDS AWAY
Trent and the Spirals were just outside the compound. Trent had just explained the plan for the 6th time.
"-NO, YOU DRIVE, I'M GONNA BUST IN THERE AND LIBERATE JANE!"
"What do I do?"
"YOU COME WITH ME! JEEZ, YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BE IN A BAND WITH A BUNCH OF MORONS!"
"WELL MAYBE I OUGHT TO-"
"Uhh, guys, hate to interupt, but, isn't that Jane running in those bushes over there?"
"SHUT YOUR FUCKIN-...WAIT WHAT?" Trent turned around, to see Jane was indeed sneaking through the bushes
"HONK THE FUCKING HORN MAX!"
Jane, ran. Oh boy did she. She ran like there was no towmorrow(and if she was caught, there may not be)
She wasn't sure where she could go...Home was miles away...she'd probably have to hitchhike to-
HONK, HONK, HONK!
Oh God, they had found her already, Jane started to run when..
"GET IN THE FUCKING TANK JANEY!"
..."Trent?"
Oh my god...IT WAS TRENT, SALVATION! Jane quickly jumped in the back!
"GO GO GO, THEY'RE AFTER ME NOW!" Trent didn't need to be told twice, as he turned left to drive down the
main road.
"Trent, I'm so glad to see you...why are you here?"
"I came to bust you out...seems my little sis had it handled though."
"Thanks to you, I'm actually going to make it home." Trent smiled at this. "Now drive, we got to get out of
town before they start searching vehicles, they already sounded the alarm, It's not like theres a Jane
lookalike to distract them, this isn't a cartoon!"
Janet Vincent McCoppin didn't like Elizabethtown. It was boring, there was practiclly no nightlife to speak off,
besides the local sports bar the town was desolate.
"Jeez, I got a better night life from the Harris suburbs then from this dump."
Suddenly, several men jumped out of a whitevan, ambushing her. Needless to say, Janet was surpised.
"Whatever It is, I didn't do it."
A large asian man in a whitecoat stepped out. "Well, you thought you could escape us, ai Jane Lane? Well you
were wrong. NOBODY ESCAPES ME!"
Janet was confused. "What the hell are you talking about, I'm not Jane La-...wait...Jane Lane?" Suddenly,
Janet remembered an incident a few weeks prior, where a bouncer in Lawndale had mistaken her for Jane Lane,and
only realized his mistake when the real Jane Lane showed up.
"Oh shit...there's a mistake, you see, my name is Janet McCoppin, I just happen to look like her, I'm not...
wait, what are you doing, HEY, LET ME GO, I HAVE RIGHTS, LET, ME GO, ARGH!" Despite her insistence, Saem was
not going to listen. As she was thrown in the back of the van, Janet had only one thought.
"Shit...heh, wonder what Grandpa Dean's gonna think when he hears this story?"
As they drove through Middleton, Janes heart finally calmed down. She was safe. She was gonna make it home.
"Trent...Thanks...really, thanks for bailing me out. That could have ended really badly."
"No problem...anything for my little sis...Li's gonna pay for this."
"Oh, I'll make sure of that Trent."
Trent looked at Jane sheepishly... "Uh, Jane, theres a...something I should tell you... I uh, had to skip a
gig or two to plan this out...and I...kinda blew our rent money on the plan...and alcohol...I didn't take
you leaving well."
Jane understood what this mean't. "So...if we don't get money, we live on the street?"
Trent nodded sadly.
Jane was deep in thought. "And Daria...is she back in town yet."
"Not according to her sister." Jane turned to Trent.
"Well then, guess It's time to bring home the bread...I'm gonna have to get a Job.
THE END
I hope you guys liked this one, I tried to take a different direction, as I challenged myself to write a fully
original one, no basis from Spongebob or anything else.
Leave a nice detailed review if you can, an overview of what you liked and disliked, favourite moments, etc.
The next one should be a bit more standard and comedy driven.