A.N: Hey guys! Here is the chapter 25. I really hope you like it. I want to give a big cyber hug to all of you who reviewed, it means a lot to me.
The song I used in this chapter is By you by The Mitch Hansen Band.
Oh by the way you should all keep hope because in next chapter….you do get the Naley you're all waiting for!
Don't forget to review and tell me what you think! Take care.
Chapter 25: My Heart is by you
It was now 2 weeks that Haley had been back in Palo Alto and she really started to get used to the place. It, weirdly, felt like a new home. Karen and Lucas will be coming to visit in two weeks and she intended to come clean with them then about the baby.
Two little weeks… Thought Haley keeping her eyes on the calendar grimacing. She could already imagine her brother's reaction. "Lucas…." She said in a whisper. He called her about two days after her return to California apologizing about his behaviour of the last few months and told her that being her brother should have been his priority.
Haley shook her head. She was sure that Lucas found out the truth about her break up with Nathan because there were no other way for which he would be so apologetic but he didn't say a thing. Maybe he was too scared to hurt her.
She heard the door slam and she couldn't help the bright smile from spreading on her face. Sam found her a terrific job. She was a songwriter now and it was just because of him. He didn't understand why she didn't want to have a singing career but it was mainly because he still didn't know about the baby. "Your texts should still be listen to." He said nicely. "You will change the word through the lyrics and believe me, your words are really touching deep in the soul."
So now, 4 days after signing her contract, Haley was an official songwriter for a major label and it was all because of Sam. She was so thankful. Sometimes it was just like he knew what she wanted. What she expected. Like he could read her mind.
"Come on girl! Time to rock the show!" Said Sam with enthusiasms as they decided to go to cinema today.
Haley turned around and gave him a bear hug while he kissed the top of her head. Chris cancelled the summer tour in order to stay with Haley. She felt really bad about it but he assured that it was fine and that it was maybe a good idea for him to finish the album first anyway. The tour will promote it. Haley was too happy to keep him around to try to read in his mind, she quickly decided to accept his words.
However, there were some dates that Chris couldn't cancel and during these couple of days, Sam was gladly taking the best friend spot left vacant by Chris.
"Yeah," said Haley nodding taking her bag. "What are you going to make me see?" She asked with suspicion.
Sam overplayed an exasperated sigh. "Damn you asked…" He twitched his mouth. "I was thinking blood, monsters, flesh eating zombies." He said seriously.
"Cool!" Said Haley tapping his shoulder. "You got yourself a deal Sammy." She added passing by him. "Zombies are my soft spot!" she added as a joke.
"That's why I love you!" Said Sam with a laugh.
This remark made Haley shiver but she decided to ignore it. She would talk to him tonight, a clear discussion. She will also tell him about the baby, it was time to face the reality, she would be a mother soon.
Chris has told her to use this week end away to set thing straight with Sam, because even if Haley kept affirming that he was just a good friend, Chris would say, "you've got to be blind not to see that he has fallen deeply in love with you." He would say nicely.
"I know you don't want anyone to suffer so talk to him…tell him for the baby" he added before taking his bag. "I'll be back in 2 days."
After the movie that actually Haley enjoyed and laughed a lot on it Sam invited her for an ice cream.
"You know I'm really impressed" he said with a smile.
"Why is that?" Asked Haley curiously taking a full spoon of her huge chocolate ice cream.
"All the girls in the theatre were like putting their hands on their eyes, hiding on there friends chests screaming and what about you huh?" He laughed louder. "You kept your eyes on the screen all the time laughing to the people getting eaten."
"Well come on!" Said Haley with a laugh "they were running in the zombies direction like they wanted to be Zombie meat balls sandwiches…" she shrugged. "Why? Did you want me to be all girly and burry my face on your broad chest?" She asked on a sarcastic tone sticking her tongue out.
Sam looked at her for a couple of second before shrugging slightly. "Maybe…." he said in a whisper.
Haley took a deep breath. "We…I think we need to talk." She said suddenly serious and grave.
"Kay, shoot!" Said Sam slowly putting a spoon of ice cream on his mouth. He knew this tone by now and he knew that he wasn't going to like what was coming his way.
"Not here," Said Haley nicely. "Let's drive back." She added standing up from the chair to show him she wanted to go now. She was 10 weeks pregnant now and her belly was still flat. She was wondering when it would started to show.
When they made it back to the flat, Sam could see Haley discomfort grow each minute, which made his heart race faster. What was she about say?
"Please take a seat," said Haley pointing to the sofa.
Sam just nodded and took his seat, not wanting to argue anything with her.
Haley sat on the coffee table in order to face him. She start interlacing her fingers so hard that her joints were white through her skin.
Sam saw her stressed actions and took her hands trying to break the ball she made with them. "Come on Haley…whatever you have to say I can take it!" He said nicely trying to hide his stress. "Just speak your mind… Remember anything, but lies between us" He added an encouraging tone recalling the day they talked about preferring a painful truth then a sweet lie and they swore to always be honest with each other whatever how painful it could get.
"Ok…" said Haley nodding looking at his hands now wrapping hers. "Well, I… I know it can sound a bit silly," she said the voice shivering with uncertainty. "But… well…I…It's just that…. Well…." She blushed so hard that she could feel her cheeks burn.
Sam had a nervous laugh. "That bad, huh?" He asked trying to sound as if he was joking. "You're so straight forward usually." He added squeezing her hands.
She looked up and sighed loudly. "Chris said you probably got a little crush on me and well…" She didn't say what Chris exactly said which was. 'He is head over heels in love with you.'"It can't be too big cuz I can't see it, but I need to know if it's true… If it's more then just friendship to you..." She added looking into his eyes.
He could see in her eyes that she was begging for the truth. What do I have to loose anyway? He asked himself. She will never be mine. He smiled at her softly and kept his hands on hers. "This is utterly idiotic," he said seriously. "I don't have a little crush on you."
Haley sighed in relief.
"I'm in love with you…" He added looking away this time. "I'm deeply in love with you Haley James. I know I've only known you 6 weeks, I know you still love this…guy," added Sam still uncomfortable with that fact that she and Chris didn't even want to tell him his name. "But I just -"
"I'm pregnant!" Said Haley cutting him off. "I'm pregnant with his child." She added like it was a justification for everything.
Sam looked at her with disbelief. "Oh…" was the only thing he could say. He waited for a couple of minutes thinking. "But…" he frowned "I don't know much about babies, but you said you broke up about 5 months ago now…and…" he pointed to her belly.
"Oh right" Said Haley with a little smile. "Well that's why I told you that our official break up was almost 5 months ago. But well…" She cleared her throat "we did get some, how can I say, 'action'about 10 weeks ago." She added uncomfortably.
"Oh…" Repeated Sam stupidly. "Well…what can I say? Not much…" He added trying his best to smile.
"But I like you Sam…you're such a great friend and even if I haven't known you that long, I know we're connecting on so many levels." Haley's visions started to blur as her eyes filled up with tears. "I'm…I'm so sorry." She said the voice shivering.
"What?" Asked Sam the eyes widening with both surprise and panic to realize he was the cause of her tears. "No, no, no! Don't cry!" He closed the distance between them pulling her into a hug. "I don't know what you are apologizing for." He said stroking her hair feeling her tears wetting his shirt.
"I'm hurting you…I should have seen what was happening." She said between her sobs. "And now… now I'm doing the exact same thing that I lived not so long along" she added shaking her head on his chest.
Sam broke their embrace and bent down for their face to be at the same level. "Look at me Haley." He said seriously, Haley kept looking down while sniffling ungracefully. Damn, I even find her cute then. Thought Sam, angry with himself. "Look at me…." He added gently bringing his hand to her chin in order for her eyes to meet his. He smiled to her warmly. "You never gave me any kind of hope Hales," He said sincerely. "I knew you didn't see me like that and I still did whatever I wanted. You shouldn't feel bad about anything."
Haley was still crying, but it was quieter. Sam smoothly dried her tears with his thumb.
"I'm sure it will fade," he said trying to make it sound sincere. She sobbed once more nodding. "Awww come here!" He said pulling her into a hug again. "Everything will be okay…. Just fine." He added slowly rocking her on the spot while stroking her hair.
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Nathan was in his bedroom looking at the engagement ring he bought for Haley. He let his fingers brush it and he sighed loudly.
He didn't even know why he broke up with her in the first place. It seemed to be the right decision at the time, the only thing sane to do. The only answer he could find. He honestly believed that Haley would move on and that his own pain will fade with time, but his pain kept increasing and even if she refused to admit it he knew that Haley was living the same agony. Maybe she was feeling the same as he was… Maybe she considered that going through all that without him was just pointless.
"I will always love you… And that will never change." He said to the ring picturing it at Haley's finger.
Lucas somehow forgave him for the whole mess. Maybe it was because he could see all the pain that he was already experiencing and he thought it was enough of a punishment.
Nathan closed the box and threw it on his desk drawer before letting his hands run on his face. He decided to wait the end of the summer. The whole group would have gone to visit Haley and he would go to and ask her to marry him. He'll tell her that distance didn't matter and that his heart was in Palo Alto this all time anyway, never leaving her side for a second.
"Once you meet the sun how could you settle for just a random star?" He asked rhetorically looking at the picture of Haley and him in which they were both grimacing. He had a small laugh. She was always complaining that his hands were so cold, but he kept arguing it was not true. It was her skin that was too hot.
Nathan heard the doorbell and rolled his eyes with exasperation. Lucas was coming everyday with a lame excuse for Nathan to go out for a while because if it weren't for him, Nathan would have been probably stuck in his bedroom till the first day of college.
"I'm coming James!" Shouted Nathan coming down the stair. "What lame excuse have you found today?" He added opening the door.
"Hello Nathan…" Said a cold voice.
"Keller!" Said Nathan with clear surprise in the voice. "What-" He frown worried. "Is Haley okay?" He asked with the worry showing in his voice. "Is she here too?" He continued.
"Can I come in?" Asked Chris still coldly. He knew he was betraying his own ultimatum. But desperate situation asks for desperate measures right? He thought to himself.
Nathan let Chris in. Chris looked around with an appreciative nod before turning around to face Nathan.
He took a deep breath. "Yeah Haley is fine…Well, as fine as she can be." He shrugged. "And, no, she is not here… She doesn't even know I'm here," he added with a sarcastic laugh. "I'm supposedly giving some shows in LA." He said putting his bag on the ground, taking out some brown envelope. "I came to give you this," he said giving the envelope to Nathan.
"What is it?" Asked Nathan wary.
"It's a house moron!" Said Chris sarcastically. Then he shook his head. "Sorry…I think Haley's bitterness is somehow imprinting on me. But you know I feel bad to betray her like that it's just…"
He saw Nathan taking the CD out of the envelope and looking at him confused.
"I could have sent it to you, but I thought me showing up would have an effect much more dramatic!" Added Chris like he was a magician. "It's my CD…well a demo of most of my songs…Well Haley wrote 7 songs out of the album but you need to listen to track 5 and 11 please," said Chris seriously. "If you still have some feeling for her you -"
"I love her." Said Nathan of a defensive tone.
"Well… If you love her…" Said Chris like he had gravels on the mouth. "You better move your ass and fast."
"I don't get you." Said Nathan still frowning with confusion. "Why are you helping me?"
"Why?" Chris had a sarcastic laugh. "Song 11 will tell you all of it, I think." He said pointing at the CD. "It's the last song she wrote, just a couple of days before coming back to Tree Hill for graduation. As for the why, I just hope that you still had something for her because…" Chris shook his head. "I don't think she is moving on at all, I think she is somehow even getting deeper in her all denial that…" Chris eyebrows scowled with worries. "That I really don't know how she will react when she will have to face it all at once. She is not the girl she once was, even when she was in London she was not like that. Now she is…" Chris stop to think. "Like…Like an empty shell." He added grimacing not sure he found the right words. And I think your kid needs a father! He added to himself.
Nathan nodded. It felt like the CD was burning in his hand. He wanted to listen to the songs so much.
"Well I better go," said Chris looking at his watch. "I've got my return flight in 2 hours but…" He flashed at Nathan a warning look. "I'd rather Haley not find out about my little visit, ok?" He asked with a threatening tone that didn't really sound like a question. "As for song 11," he added opening the door, "I know you're not the smartest dude around here so replace the 'in the woods'part with 'in your living room,"he added laughing closing the door behind him.
Nathan looked at the CD for a couple of second like if he was hypnotized by it. He finally shook his head and run to his room to listen directly to track 11.
He flinched at the idea to hear Chris's voice on Haley's words, but he had to know.
The sound of a guitar filled the room.
This hole in my chest has been
Getting the best of my life
That day in the woods
Hurt me more than any kind of
Pain in this life ever should
What's the cause?
I guess I'll walk around in this
Empty shell of all that I was
Hold myself, who else will?
Please be still
Get up off the floor and try
Never let them see you cry
You're swimming now, but
Swans were meant to fly.
Nathan looked at the empty CD case with disbelieve. He hated himself so much in this instant.
And the chill of your touch
I never thought I'll miss the cold so much
Nathan angrily threw the CD case through the room taking down two trophies in the process.
If only you knew that this hole
Was created by you
I can't sleep
Dream of you
There you are
It's not true
Get up off the floor and try
Never let them see you cry
You're swimming now, but
Swans were meant to fly
Nathan sat in the bed numbly. He couldn't believe that those words were written by Haley… His Haley… His eyes automatically locked on the picture of both of them grimacing. Her eyes full of sparkles.
I walk to the edge, I look at the sea
I never imagined how easy it'd be
You leave me no choice to hear your voice
I feel so free
It's difficult to live out each day
I wonder where you are.
"That's it!" Shouted Nathan turning of the player. He couldn't bear being in her tortured head any longer knowing he was the only one to blame for it. "I know what I've got to do," he added seriously.
About an hour later Nathan was at the River Court knowing that Lucas would be there. He was training 4 hours everyday to be ready for Duke.
"Hey Bro…." Said Lucas giving a quick glance at Nathan before concentrating at shooting hoops again.
"I'm going to Palo Alto." Said Nathan showing him the plane ticket. "I'm going to see Haley."
Lucas stopped and looked at Nathan with a big smile and just nodded in approval. "When are you coming back?"
"I'm not," said Nathan seriously.
"No way! They did it?" Asked Lucas with joy and disbelieve mix in his voice. "You're going to be a cardinal?"
"Nope…" Said Nathan shaking his head negatively. "I'll stand in front off her with everything to lose. I'll stay there and I'll wait for her to forgive me. I'll do whatever I need to get her back."
Lucas mouth dropped with surprise.
"I'll find a little college next year in the Palo Alto area." Said Nathan sure of himself. "And if I don't then whatever! I should have realized that all that mattered was us being together." He let his hands run through his hair.
"Think about this Nate," finally said Lucas realizing what his friend was about to do. "You're just giving up on everything, not even knowing what to expect there!" Said Lucas slightly panicking. "Go there first… See how things will turn."
"No!" Said Nathan no leaving any place for anymore argumentation. "I already called Duke, I've got to stay here a week to deal with all the consequences with my dad and then I'll take the plane. Whatever she gives me, a chance again or not, is just pointless for now. As long as I'm near her I will breathe again and it will leave me plenty of time to win her back, showing her I'm the one for her and that she clearly is the one for me." He added stubbornly. "Nothing makes sense without her by my side Luke!" He said more as a plea then anything. "I… It's like the world doesn't have any sense without her. Basketball can't keep me satisfied anymore." He bite his bottom lip a bit embarrassed to show it all to Lucas because he was still her brother. "She is the only one able to make me feel whole. She is my only reason for this world to keep turning. I used to long for her smile, to see the sparkles in her eyes, and…I'm too hurt…too selfish to continue fighting all of this. I want her and nothing else matters."
"I…wow… That's was quite a speech!" Said Lucas sincerely impressed. "I think there is nothing to add. You are two parts of a whole I just hope that pride and self preservation will not be already too much to overcome." Added Lucas sadly.
"I'll not give up, not today not tomorrow. It will take the time it needs to take but she'll trust me and love me again." Said Nathan in a positive tone, but he was praying in his head, praying as he never prayed before, like if his life was depending on it, and somewhere it did.