A.N: Hey guys! Sorry it took me almost two weeks to update but I was really super busy and I really wanted this chapter to be good. I mean it's Naley we're talking about lol. Well…I made this chapter extra long for you to forgive me. I really hope that you guys are going to like it, Please don't forget to review and tell we what you think. A big thank you to the one who reviewed the latest chapter, it really motivated me to do better and to write more.
Chapter 26: Near to you
"Please tell me I made the right decision," begged Haley, as she sat, breathing heavily and beginning to panic.
"You made the right decision," said Sam calmly kneeling in front of her rubbing her legs with a smile.
"Definitely the right decision," added Chris who was beside her, gently squeezing her shoulder.
"Tell me, I won't lose it all on Stage." She asked panicking even more. She shook her head and groaned.
"You won't lose it Hales," said Sam still kneeled in front of her. "Just look at Chris…" He added looking up at Chris for some help.
Chris sighed. He was trying to involve her in as many activities as he could to set her mind off the pregnancy. It was a week now since he had been in Tree Hill and he was really upset that his plan failed miserably. He thought that Nathan would have showed up on their door step by now or at least phoned her. "Keep your eyes on me sweetie," he said now rubbing her back. "Plus with all the lights you won't see the public anyway."
"Ehhh." She grimaced, "Why on earth did I agree to that?" She asked not really expecting an answer.
"Because I asked you… Because you love me and because you know it is the right thing to do for your super friend," said Chris trying to make her laugh which failed as most of his jokes did these days when it came to her.
"You can still try to go all Carrie on them if you're bored…" Said Sam grimacing trying too.
She finally had a quick laugh and looked at Sam gratefully. "You always know how to make me feel better… It's so strange."
"Indeed it is…." Added Chris puzzled. "It's almost our call." He added nicely helping her up. It was a concert for a foundation and Chris convinced Haley to sing a duet with him, the song Love Hurts that she wrote for him. It was mainly some local artists who were going to be onstage, but some big names gladly came around for one song or two.
She gave a helpless look at Sam, the one of the condemned walking the green mile.
Sam laughed and put his arm around her shoulder. "It will only be about 4 minutes and I'll be near the bar," he said lightly. "I'll try to concentrate all my positive energy on you I swear."
Haley smiled sincerely, "You've got the gift…" She said passing him by. "You really know how to calm me down." She added gently rubbing his forearm without even thinking.
"Precious!" Said Chris not really trying to hide the sarcasm. He didn't want Sam and Haley to grow closer then they were already or he knew that one of them would definitely end up hurt.
As soon as Haley and Chris left to join the little area backstage, Sam went down to fetch a drink.
As soon as Sam saw them get on stage he unconsciously hold his breath. Just chill, She is going to be fine. He though keeping his eyes locked on Haley.
As soon as Haley started to sing, She kept her eyes on Chris. Sam finally expired on a loud and relived sigh.
"A friend I presume?" Asked someone beside him.
"Yeah…" Said Sam looking to the guy standing beside him. "Is it that obvious?" He added grimacing, "She was a bit stressed…I just…."
"I can recognize the stress for someone going on stage," said the man with a laugh. "I've got a friend who is a singer too."
"Oh…." Said Sam feeling more and more confident as the song continued. "She was a bit stressed before going on stage so…" He slightly shrugged. "She succeeded to give me her apprehension." He added laughing sincerely.
"Yeah…" Said the guys smiling back. "I hope she will have a fantastic career. She sounds like an angel." He added sincerely.
"She does…" Said Sam lost in his thought, the song was almost over. "Well…I better go meet her it was nice meeting you." Said Sam sincerely giving him his hand. "My Name is Sam Winchester." He added shaking his hand.
"My name is Nathan Scott…." Said Nathan standing straight keeping his eyes on Sam, but was disappointed not to see any sign of acknowledgment in Sam's eyes.
"Well Nathan Scott nice to meet you… See you around!" Said Sam waving as he headed backstage to meet with Haley and Chris.
Nathan looked at Sam leave to go backstage. His plane just landed a couple of hours ago. He checked Chris's website before coming and found out about the show. He took a quick shower to the hotel he was staying and came here. So Haley had some new friends who didn't even know he ever existed….He thought pained.
--
As soon as Sam made it backstage Haley was coming out and jumped into his arms still high on the adrenaline rush that singing in public always put her in.
"It was so great!" She shouted with a wide smile still in his arms.
"You were fantastic honey!" Said Sam sincerely. "I even talked with one of your new fans," he said nicely. "Are you sure you don't want to be a singer?" He added putting her down.
She shook her head negatively. "I'm sure!" She said with no trace of doubt in her voice. "I've got something much more important coming my way," she said rubbing her belly. "And it's my life now" she added with a smile. "I mean…how is it possible to love someone that much when you didn't even meet?" She asked rhetorically.
Sam kissed her forehead. "Ok…I'll drive you home" he said nicely knowing that Chris will stay here for a while.
Haley nodded grateful. She really wanted to rest and the noise was getting her drunk. She looked around to say bye to Chris but she couldn't see him. "Ok let's go," she said turning around wrapping her arm around Sam's waist. Now the rush came down harder and she felt even more tired.
"Hales! Wait!" Shouted Chris behind her running to catch up. "I've got someone to introduce you to!" He added pointing to someone walking their way with a big smile on his face.
"Fuck! Gavin Degraw!" Shouted Haley with disbelief reddening immediately realizing she spoke loudly and that everybody including Gavin heard her.
"Nice to meet you Haley." Said Gavin with a small chuckle. "I read your lyrics.You're really talented." He added nicely.
Haley opened the mouth but no sound came out. Sam squeezed her shoulder in order to give her some courage.
"I'm pregnant," she finally burbled out.
Gavin scowled at her. Sam looked at Haley the eyes wide with surprise and Chris mouthing a 'what the fuck?'from behind Gavin.
"Ummm….Congratulations?…" Said Gavin confused.
Sam burst into laugher. "Oh come on Haley! Stop messing around," he said. "Well, it was nice meeting you Mr. Degraw. We're huge fans!!" He added trying to sound nonchalant turning around forcing Haley to follow, she seemed frozen on the spot.
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They were driving for about 5 minutes when Haley finally reacted.
She groaned and rested her head against the window.
Sam pressed his lips together to stop his smile. "You're back." He said nicely.
"I can't believe I said that!" She said the voice full of distress. "Told you I was a huge moron when I was impressed."
"I can't deny that!" Said Sam who couldn't help the laugher in his voice now.
"So not helping!!" Shouted Haley not really offended slapping his leg. "Ohmygosh! I said 'I'm pregnant'to Gavin Degraw!"
"Oh chill out Hales…" Said Sam brushing off her comment. "It's not like you're going to see him soon and it's true, you're pregnant!"
She stuck her tongue out before groaning again resting her forehead on the window again. "It's these freaking hormones!" She said like she was talking to herself, "they're probably eating my brain up!"
Sam laughed a bit and decided to change subject knowing how Haley will keep beating herself up for this little awkward moment.
"So, your brother is going to be a Blue Devil next year, huh?" Asked Sam changing subject.
"Yeah….". She said concentrating her attention on Sam again.
"So, who are you going to support this year?" He asked cheekily. "Will you be a Devil or a bird?" He asked referring to the cardinals.
She laughed to his reference and shook her head. "Officially, in public, I'll be a Cardinal, but I'll always be a Blue Devil at heart," she added and in more ways than one, she added to herself.
"I love it… I always thought you had a devilish side," he said parking the car. "Plus you've got more chance to be satisfied. I mean the Cardinal shooting guard lost his offer yesterday... Point shaving" he added shaking his head with disgust.
"Really?" Asked Haley finally interested. "Oh my…" She twisted her lips "I bet Dawkins is going crazy loosing such an important player just a few weeks before they start."
They were in front of her door. She turned around and smiled. "Thanks so much for changing my mind for a while." She said sincerely.
"It was my pleasure," said Sam huskily standing so close to her that she could feel his body heat irradiating on hers. "I love when I see your smile… I love how it starts in your eyes and spread across your face." He smiled brightly. "There is no other feeling compared to that… At least for me." He said softly brushing her cheek with his fingertips.
Haley felt her heart tighten in her chest. It is the point of no return… Was it only friendship? She asked to herself looking into his eyes. "My heart will always be his…" she said in a whisper.
Sam took small step forward again and took a deep breath. "Is there a chance that I'll get just a small part of it…one day?" he asked whispering too.
"One day?…" She repeated on the interrogatory tone. "I…I dunno…" She looked up into his eyes again. "But you deserve so much more," she said knowing that even if she would give him a chance she would never love him as much as she loved Nathan, as much as he deserved to be loved.
"That's enough for me…" He said slowly bending his head concentrating on her full lips. He finally reached her lips and brushed his lips gently against hers. Sam gently pulled away, but kept his eyes locked on her face.
Haley widen her eyes, she thought she was having a vision. Maybe she was feeling some guilt on letting Sam kissing her. Here he was standing a couple of feet from them with an undefined look on his face. "Nathan…." She whispered in a breath, closing her eyes tight and opening them again, but he was still standing there.
Sam saw the pain in her eyes and turned around.
"Do… Do you see him?" Asked Haley with incertitude. Her voice was so low that Sam had trouble hearing her.
He just nodded positively understanding, seeing how she instantaneously put a protective hand on her belly that it was him…the guy who owned her heart.
"Hey Haley…" Said Nathan nicely trying to hide the pain he just felt seeing another man then him so close to her.
Haley stood there, frozen, every muscle in her body stiffed.
"I…I came here for you." He said nicely. "I'm staying at the Inn down the road." He added trying to keep his eyes on her and not looking at the man who was standing so close to her. "I'll be waiting for you," he added with a sad smile. "I have all the time in the world… I'm not going anywhere." He added looking down leaving.
Haley stayed there frozen for a while. When she finally came back to reality, Nathan had already left and Sam was looking at her with worries in the eyes.
"I…I… What…" Haley rambled. "He's here, huh?" She added stupidly.
Sam looked at Haley for a couple of seconds and sighed. "Come on…" He said nicely "I'll drive." He added showing her the keys helping her to the car.
Haley nodded positively and followed Sam, still lost in her thoughts.
Once they made it to the Inn Sam looked at her and sighed. "Give me a minute," he said quickly getting out of the car and running to the reception.
Haley kept her eyes on the windshield and jumped when Sam opened her door.
"He is in room 106," said Sam kneeling beside Haley who was still sat in the car.
"Huh?" Asked Haley concentrating her attention on Sam.
"Nathan…Scott…" Said Sam with some difficulty feeling his heart tighten in his chest remembering the guy he met at the club and the love he had read in Haley's eyes when she realized it was no hallucination. "I think you should go to him Haley… Now." He added while grinning his teeth.
Haley got out of the car. "Why?" She asked crooking her head on the side. She saw the confusion and pain mixed on his face. "I mean…not that I don't appreciate your support, but why are you pushing me to face him? It's… It's not at your advantage is it?"
Sam sighed and shrugged slightly. "I never had the advantage Hales," he said sincerely with a small smile. "And well it's better to face it all now…good or bad and…" he laughed for a second, "I'm the good guy…I've got to do the right thing and this is definitely the right thing for you…" he looked down her belly. "For both of you…"
"Thank you so much…" She said in a whisper really impressed by Sam attitude. "You're one of a kind."
"I know that and damn I hate it sometimes!" He said trying to make it sound like a joke, but it was easy to read in his eyes that he was serious. "Anyways…" He said taking her hand and squeezing it. "Whatever your decision...the issues… I'll be there for you…I'll be always be there for you." He slowly walked back to the driver side. "I'll never let you down Haley James…" He said with a soft voice before sitting behind the wheels as he opened the passenger side window bending down to see her. "And don't hesitate to phone me if you need a ride, anytime. Now go up I'll wait a bit before leaving " He added seriously before slowly resting his head on his head rest.
Haley nodded and walked inside the inn. More she got closer to Nathan's room, the more her heart beat faster in her chest. Calm down Haley! Or you're going to have a heart attack before reaching his door! She said to herself taking some deep and slow breaths to calm her heart down. Why is he here? What does he want? She added to herself finally reaching his door. "I guess I'll found out soon enough," she whispered under her breath knocking quickly at the door.
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Nathan heard the quick knock and frowned with confusion. He sighed, in his dreams it would be Haley standing at the door, but he knew it was only a dream and he didn't want to keep his expectations too high. He knew it was going to be hard to win her back, to make her trust him again, but what he saw tonight in front of her flat did shake him deep inside. Now, he had this uncontrollable fear that he lost her forever. Just thinking that was breaking his heart, blocking the air in his lungs.
He shook his head and threw a quick look to the shirt on his bed. He was about to take a shower. "I'm coming," he shouted putting his jeans back on but not bothering putting back his shirt.
Nathan opened the door and stayed frozen. So I am dreaming! He thought seriously, seeing Haley standing awkwardly in front of his door while biting her bottom lip.
Haley was really surprised and somehow dazzled to see Nathan standing there, bare chest. The musk of his aftershave made her dizzy. Maybe it was not such a good idea… she thought seeing him frozen, his eyes locked on her. She scowled at him crooking her head to the side.
They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity to Haley, but wasn't probably more then a minute. She sighed and finally spoke. "Ummm… Are you going to let me in or do you want to talk with me on the door step?" she asked seriously, pleased to be able to hide her confusion.
Nathan shook his head and quickly moved out of the way. "So - Sorry I didn't expect you to come here so fast I…" He twitched his mouth knowing he was going nowhere. Why was he always that lost when he was face to face with her? He rehearsed his speech over and over again, but his mind was blank now that he was with her. "Come in please…." He just added.
Haley nodded quietly and walked in. She looked around, pretending to be judging the room, but she was mainly trying to gain some confidence and some calm.
"So…" She said finally turning around trying to concentrate her eyes on his face knowing that looking at his torso would make her blush furiously and it would be even easier for him to see her trouble. "What are you doing here Nathan?" She asked the voice slightly shaking with expectation.
Nathan put his hands on his pockets and rested his bare back against the wall. "I came here for you," he said looking straight into her eyes. "Only for you…."
"I…What?" She asked the eyes wide with surprise. "Why?" She asked suspiciously.
"Why?" Asked Nathan surprised by the question and the suspicion in her voice. "Because I love you," he said like it was an evidence.
Haley snorted and shook her head. "I surely didn't expect that one!" she said on a sarcastic tone but her heart was beating faster now.
"I…I'm tired to fight us, we have to be together and I don't want to fight this reality anymore." Said Nathan finally taking a step forward, but he stopped straight away when he saw Haley take a step back. "I said and…" He shook his head in defeat. "I said and did all these things in order for you to accomplish what you were meant to. I…"
"Wait a minute!" Said Haley raising her index finger to shush him. "You broke my heart, abandoned me…let me live through hell for so long for me?" She asked raising an eyebrow in incredulity while her voice shook with anger.
"I'm sorry…" Said Nathan the voice full of sadness. "But I love you. I really do…I never stopped loving you and…"
"Why? Why now?" Asked Haley with pain. "Why did you change your mind? You're not fair Nate!" She added sitting down on his bed looking down. "You can't just come back into my life like nothing changed! Like I didn't change!" She added sincerely fighting the tears.
Nathan looked down and didn't talk for some long minutes. "I…I just can't keep living away from you Hales…I can only breath when I'm near to you. But…I'm ready to wait." He added nicely.
Haley looked up and frowned but he still had his head down. He seemed so lost. He seemed to be such a little boy…broken. "Wait?" She couldn't help to ask.
"I can see that…you started to move on." He said finally looking up feeling like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.
The memory of Nathan's face when Sam kissed her came back in front of her eyes. It was the same expression. "I…" She started
"But it's fair enough." He continued like she hadn't interrupted him. "You're not to blame. You have every right to be with someone else. I…I knew it would happen eventually I just hoped that it wouldn't hurt so much but geez…" He let out a small growl of pain. "It's much worse."
"And what if I'm dating Sam?" She asked out of curiosity. "Will you disappear of my life again? Go to Duke and get on with your life?"
"No!" Said Nathan with a sure voice. "I'm not leaving you again. I'm staying and keeping faith that you'll come back to me… That you'll realize that we belong together and…"
"Yeah, till you grow tired of me again and decide to take a break right?" She asked trying to sound angry but she just sounded sad. "I can't give up Stanford now… I won't follow you to Duke anymore," she added.
Nathan purposely decided to ignore the first part for now on. "Well, that's good that you're not going to Duke because…neither am I." He said with a smile. It was not even hurting him not to have Duke and basketball anymore. It hurt way more to imagine a life without Haley while she started to move on. "I'm here Haley…And I won't go."
"No Duke? What? How? Wh--huh?" She said sounding clearly confused.
"I rejected their offer. I'm standing here begging for you to help me live again." He said now letting all his pain and emotion show in his voice. "I need to breathe again Haley," he said slowly walking toward her as her eyes filled up with tears looking at his face distorted with pain. "I need you to take me back…I need you to love me again…" Nathan finally kneeled in front of her and let some quiet tears fall down his cheeks. "I know it's no excuse, but I never cheated on you… How could I?" He shook his head. "You're the very essence of my being. I…I thought I was doing what was right."
Haley couldn't help, but raised her hand to bring it on his cheeks. She wanted to dry his tears because even after all the pain he made her endure, she couldn't bear to see him so tortured. As soon as her hand touched his skin, she regretted it as she felt her heart accelerating and the air being like ice, frozen in her lungs. But she couldn't remove her hand. Nathan already put his hand on top of her hand and brushed his cheek on her hand while closing his eyes.
"It feels so good…" He said in a whisper. "Just being with you eases the pain."
"You're lucky…" Said Haley in a breath closing her eyes too. "Being with you increase mine…" She admitted.
Nathan opened his eyes, but kept his hand on her. "I'm not here to torment you Hales…I just can't be away from you anymore." He brought her hand to his lips and brushed her palm softly with his lips. "I let you go for all the wrong reasons when I should have fought harder, but… But when I found out about your Stanford offer I just…"
Haley opened her eyes wide. "You knew?" She asked with shock.
Nathan nodded sadly. "I was hurt at first you hidden that from me, but the worse part was that you were about to sacrifice such a dream… A part of you for me and…" He kept his hand on her but brought his free hand to her face and tenderly cupped her cheek. "I was not worth it Haley, but I knew…" he shook his head with defeat. "I knew that if I explained to you that, you would not want to go! There was so much love in your eyes... You loved me much more than I deserved to be loved and…" His voice cracked under the emotion.
"Love…" Said Haley with a voice not much louder then a whisper. It was her dream to hear all that and now…the emotions were eating her up inside.
"I wanted you to have the life you deserved and…I tried to get into Stanford, but it was too late. I thought…I really thought that if I could make you hate me you'll go to Stanford without regret and that…" He kissed her hand again. "I thought that the pain would be bearable and that time will ease it, but…" He had a small laugh. "The pain was still there like in one day eating up every dream…every hope…every joy I ever experienced in my life leaving only this gigantic hole in the place where my heart used to be. I was who I was because you loved me, I became a better person because of you"
"I…I don't know what to say…" Said Haley the voice shivering. "I lived in Hell for so long Nathan… Thinking you didn't love me anymore…" She shook her head. "Thinking that you didn't want me anymore." She added with a sob. "Sorry…it's just too much…I…built my world around you and it was a mistake. I felt so lost…helpless when I lost you."
Nathan saw the pain overshadowing her big brown eyes. He gasped and wrapped his arms around her waist while resting his head on her lap. "I'm so sorry…I'll do anything I can to take this pain from you…to start over. I didn't get it… You were fighting hard for us and I thought I was fighting hard for you, but…I just created chaos and I'm sorry… I will never forgive myself for putting through all this pain."
Haley instinctively brought her hand on his head and started stroking his hair gently. "I…I get your point somehow…" She stared. "But…" She took a deep breath still stroking his hair. "I fought hard for us to stay together and well…it didn't take much for US to lose our purpose," she said sadly. "Maybe… Maybe we're not meant to be."
Nathan didn't move, it felt so good to be so close to her again, to feel her fingers in his hair. It was like feeling air filling your lungs after drowning… It was a second life. "Being here on my knees begging you to just reconsider giving us a second chance Haley is a sign… My heart stopped hurting as soon as you walked into this room is also a sign." He took a deep breath. "The fact that I can breath again without a shooting pain is also a sign and…" He tightened his embrace. "And me being ready to give up my life to suppress this sadness and these doubts from your eyes is also a sign… The sign that you're my soul mate, the reason for this planet to continue turning, the reason for me to even exist…"
Haley closed her eyes. "I…I…." She stopped trying to make sense to everything that was happening. "You just threw everything you had to come here, not even knowing if I wanted to be with you?" She asked still incredulous.
Nathan reluctantly raised his head without loosening his embrace. He met her eyes. "I'm just trying to be positive Haley." He said sure of himself.
"It's blind faith Nate!" She said shaking her head.
"Well, maybe…but… But that's all I've got right now." Said Nathan with a bit of sadness in his voice.
Haley brought her hands behind her to loosen Nathan's grip. Nathan didn't want to upset her anymore then she already was so he let go of her.
Haley stood up with some difficulty, all the emotions and the closeness of Nathan body made her weak in the knees.
"You know what blind faith brings Nathan?" She asked rhetorically. "Blind faith conducted armies to their death, empires to their fall, and too many heartbreaks to count." She added more bitter then she intended.
"Talking about experience, huh?" Asked Nathan trying to sound nonchalant, but feeling the horrible guilt and pain filling his body. "Is there anything I could do or say to make you feel better?" He asked sighing heavily and walking back to her. He felt like a satellite without his planet, he had to keep close. "And I didn't throw anything away… The only thing that actually meant a lot…meant everything, was your love and I succeeded to lose that." He closed the distance between them in two quick steps and hugged her tight. "Just... Just tell me there is a chance that you might forgive me one day… That one day you might love me and trust me as you did once and it will be enough… It will be worth it." He added resting his cheek on top of her head smelling her hair that smelled even better then in his memory.
Haley didn't answer, she didn't even move. After a moment Nathan frowned and loosened his embrace putting his hands on her shoulder.
Haley looked in his eyes, but he couldn't see anger or pain. In her eyes there were fear.
Haley brought her hand up in slow motion and rested in on his jaw line while gently brushing his bottom lip with her thumb.
"I'm not mad anymore, Nate," she said nicely looking into his eyes. "As for the love part…" She cleared her throat, "well… It would be an insult to our story not to admit that I still love you and probably always will." She saw a big smile forming on his face. "BUT!" She said louder to stop him from moving or interrupting "But I'm scared. No… Scratch that! I'm terrified to let you in again." She said sincerely. "I lived through hell once before and it would be suicide to do it again."
She saw Nathan's face distort with pain again. She pressed her hand a bit more on his cheek.
"I'm not saying that to hurt you because, God forbid, I don't want to hurt you" She said sincerely. "But…I don't think I could go through it again. I don't want to feel so helpless and falling to sleep every night wishing that tomorrow will never come." She shook her head feeling the pain in the pitch of her stomach. "And what's worse is that…." She took her hand away and started to pace in the room. "And the worst part is after everything I've done to try to get over you…to get you out of my mind, the pain only disappeared once I was in your arms." She sighed in despair. She was so weak when he was concerned. "And the only thing I want to say… My brain keep repeating the same thing over and over again!"
"What is it?" Asked Nathan with apprehension.
"I want to say: 'Stay with me, don't let me go because I can't live without you. Don't let me go and hold me tight.' Pathetic, huh?" She added blushing.
Nathan closed the distance and put his hands on both side of her face. "No." He said hoarsely. "It sounded like music to my ears." He said letting some tears fall down his cheeks again. "I would give anything…anything for you to be mine again! I would beg! Sell my soul and I'm not ashamed to say it out loud!" He started to slowly close the distance between their two faces. "I love you Haley James…You've always had my heart, believe it or not." He was not whispering against her lips. "My heart is yours forever…I…"
He couldn't finish his sentence as Haley closed the distance and was now kissing him.
Nathan growled with pleasure and wrapped his hands around her waist to deepen their kiss.
Once they broke off, both breathless. Nathan pressed his forehead against hers. "Stay with me…" He said in a whisper. "Stay with me tonight…I want to sleep with you in my arms." He kissed her nose. "I need to sleep with you in my arms."
Haley looked at him for a couple of second before finally speak the voice rough with emotion. "I'm pregnant…." She said closing her eyes.