Chapter Sixteen

It was when Nesbitt was leaving Mr. Leichter's house, his anger spent, that the utter emptiness of grief crashed down on him like a vise. Everything he had been screaming about in there suddenly became very real in a way he hadn't let it before.

Lector was laying on the ground, so still. . . .

He was dead. He was never coming back this time.

How could he really be gone? He had been around through everything. . . . He had been there when Nesbitt had first joined KaibaCorp. Nesbitt had seen him practically every day since then. They had all become so close-knit, even staying together constantly once they had become trapped in virtual reality. It was hard for them to not stay together now that they were back in the real world. They were always staying over at each other's houses, usually using the partially-true excuse that it would be easier to plan their project that way. Really, they just didn't want to be apart.

Lector was gone. . . . He was never coming back. . . .

They didn't get along very well most of the time; they saw the world so differently. What had Nesbitt said to him last? Had it been civil? He couldn't even remember.

And . . . what if Lector's death was his fault? Maybe if Nesbitt had taken Mokuba and Lector had taken Marik, and Lector had gone out the exit Nesbitt had found, Lector would have survived. . . .

He would never see Lector again. Not until he was dead too. . . .

Nesbitt gasped, stumbling forward, holding a shaking hand to his heart. He had never felt anything like this before. The tightening in his throat, the knotting in his stomach . . . the utter despair. He had thought he knew what loss was when he had been forced to blow up his own compound as a show of loyalty to Seto Kaiba. Now he knew what it really was. It was worse than he had ever imagined. And he wasn't strong enough to deal with it. It was too horrible, too crushing, too . . .

"Nesbitt?!"

He turned. Gansley was hurrying over to him in concern. Crump was following behind, keeping an arm around an oddly quiet and blank-eyed Johnson. The pain of loss stood in their eyes, but seeing him still alive brought some amount of relief to their expressions. Even Johnson perked up slightly.

"What were you doing in there?!" Crump exclaimed. "Did you kill the guy?!"

Nesbitt straightened, and Crump rocked back in shock. Nesbitt's eyes were emotionless and dead. "Greetings, humans," he intoned. "No, I did not terminate the being inside that residence. He's perfectly fine."

"Nesbitt, what on Earth are you talking about?!" Gansley demanded. "You sound as though you're pretending to be a robot again."

"I am not pretending," Nesbitt replied. "I am an android. I have never been alive. I do not know love, but I also do not know grief. I cannot process unnecessary human emotions. They only weigh down the mind and devastate the body."

"He's gone nuts!" Crump cried in horror.

Johnson looked shaken. "Nesbitt, no . . ."

Gansley and Crump started. "Johnson?!" Gansley exclaimed.

"You're back with us!" Crump said in relief.

"When I saw Nesbitt's state, it brought me out of mine," Johnson said, his hand shaking as he adjusted his glasses. "I can't lose control of myself while Nesbitt is like this!"

"But what the heck does it mean?!" Crump wailed.

"He's telling us what he did to himself and why," Johnson realized. "He can't take Lector's death. The only way he could deal with it was to tell himself he's not human. Then he doesn't have to experience the grief."

That didn't make Crump feel any better. "What're we gonna do?!" he yelped.

Gansley frowned. "Will you come back to the hotel with us?" he asked Nesbitt.

"Affirmative," Nesbitt replied. "But I will not enter."

"He doesn't wanna be where Lector was," Crump realized.

"Or maybe he even suspects we have his body there," Johnson said.

Gansley looked to the others. "Getting him to the hotel is the best that can be done for now. But if he doesn't come out of this on his own, or if we can't find someone to help him . . . then we have lost two and not only one."

Johnson looked down, stricken.

Crump wasn't willing to accept that. "You hear that?!" He ran to Nesbitt and grabbed him by the shoulders, violently shaking him. "You think it isn't bad enough for us to lose poor Lector?! We've gotta lose you too?! Come on! Don't be so selfish! We're all grieving here!"

Nesbitt didn't react. When Crump finally let him go, he only replied, "Such a display of emotional vulnerability never happens with a machine."

Crump could only gawk at him. Ordinarily, Nesbitt would be on fire if he was shaken like that.

"Don't bother, Crump," Johnson said, laying a hand on the stressed man's shoulder. "He's retreated so deeply into his mind, I don't know how we're going to get him to come out."

"The one person who might be able to help him is the one person who can't," Gansley said sadly.

xxxx

The mood in the hotel suite was tense and sorrowful. Not having a key to the Big Five's suite, Seto had had little choice but to take Lector's body to his and wait for the others to come. Yami Bakura had uncomfortably departed, but the Ishtars and Téa were still there, concerned about Mokuba.

"Maybe someone should have gone with them," Téa said quietly from across the room.

"Probably," Seto said. "Everyone was too shaken up about Lector to think about that." A text came in and he looked at it. ". . . Correction, some of them did. Yugi, the Pharaoh, and some of the others went after them."

"Do you think Nesbitt will actually kill Lector's father?" Téa wondered in concern.

"I can't honestly say it isn't out of the question," Seto said. "All of this was his fault. If he hadn't tricked Lector into coming out here and then continued to lie, he might still be alive."

"This can't be good for Mokuba." Marik looked over his shoulder at the younger boy. Mokuba was just staring sadly at Lector, who had been laid on an old-fashioned, straight-backed couch.

"If they don't come back soon, I'll probably call the morgue myself," Seto said. "I don't know why I agreed to this."

"Maybe you feel you owe Lector something," Téa said quietly. "He gave his life for Mokuba. And . . . you have some idea how the others feel to lose him."

Seto couldn't deny that.

A knock on the door came moments later. Cautious and alert, Seto went over to it while Marik and Téa stayed back with Mokuba. "Who is it?" Seto gruffly called.

"It's us," came Johnson's voice.

Mokuba started. "Johnson's talking again. . . ."

Seto unlocked the door and opened it, but frowned more to see only three coming in. "Where's Nesbitt?"

Gansley passed a weary hand over his face. "Outside. He won't come in. We met Yugi and the Pharaoh on our way back and left them down there to watch him." He sank down in a chair near Lector without being invited.

Mokuba looked over. "Why?"

"He's flipped," Crump exclaimed.

Seto tensed. "Is he still violent?" Protectiveness for Mokuba flashed through his eyes. It wasn't hard to think that Nesbitt might blame Mokuba for Lector's death.

"No, he isn't." Johnson looked awkward and uneasy. "It's a little hard to explain. . . ."

As long as Mokuba wasn't in danger, Seto really wasn't interested right now. "I'd appreciate it if you take Lector away," he said. "It only makes it harder for Mokuba to have him here."

"We'll take him," Johnson coolly replied.

But they didn't go immediately. Gansley stayed sitting where he was, looking both haunted and twenty years older. He stared blankly at the floor, resting both hands on the handle of his cane. Crump restlessly paced the floor, back and forth, unable to hold still. Johnson stood near the window, staring out at the city.

Not wanting to rush them yet feeling Mokuba shouldn't stay in this environment, Marik finally said to him, "Why don't you come to our room for a while, Mokuba?"

Mokuba looked up gratefully. "Thanks, Marik. . . . I probably won't be very good company, though. . . ."

"That's alright," Marik said firmly.

Seto was also relieved. "You do that."

"I just have to do one thing first," Mokuba said.

Seto, Téa, and the Ishtars exchanged a sickened look, certain they knew what he had in mind.

Indeed, Mokuba stepped closer to Lector, staring down at him, still hoping—praying, even—for some movement. Even though by now he knew it wouldn't happen, he couldn't help still hoping it would. The man just looked so much like he was sleeping. . . .

"Goodbye, Lector," Mokuba whispered. "Thank you. . . ." But it sounded so hollow, so inadequate. He fell to his knees as the tears came again.

A slight movement. Lector stirred, turning his head to the side as he tried to lift his fingers off the couch. "You . . . you're crying for me?" he rasped in awed amazement.

Mokuba jumped a mile. So did everyone else in the room. "Lector?!" He stared in greater awe. "You're alive?!"

"It looks like it." Lector slowly sat up, grimacing at the pain. He brought a hand to his head.

"Lector!" Gansley got up, endowed with new strength, and hurried over, followed by Crump and Johnson.

"Buddy!" Crump hugged Lector without warning, startling him. "They did let you come back!"

"How is this possible?!" Johnson exclaimed.

"I tried so hard to bring you back," Mokuba said. "Nothing worked. . . . Johnson tried too. . . ."

"I . . . I can't imagine," Lector stammered, still bewildered. "It wasn't like I was dead. . . . I thought I was just unconscious from the blast. I heard you crying and I was able to force myself to wake up."

Seto and the others were just staring, reeling. Finally Seto shook his head. He wasn't even going to try to figure this one out.

"This is wonderful," Téa whispered in amazed relief.

"Lector." Seto looked down at the confused man. "You saved Mokuba. You have my gratitude. Whatever medical help you need from this, I will pay for."

Lector looked up at him with a start. "That's not necessary, Mr. Kaiba."

"No, but it's a debt I owe you now," Seto said.

"While I appreciate your consideration, I really think I'm alright," Lector awkwardly said. "I've just got a headache and . . ." He frowned. "My arm hurts. . . ." He pushed the sleeve up, only to be greeted by a small puncture wound. "What the . . ."

Gansley stared at it. "You've been injected with something."

Johnson took Lector's arm, raising it for a closer look. "And if I had to make a guess, I'd say it was something to make us think you were dead," he said, sounding uncharacteristically dark in his anger. "It slowed your pulse and breathing so much that we couldn't find them. Either that or it stopped them altogether and put you into suspended animation. But . . . hypodermic needles don't exactly seem like Dr. Raven's style. . . ."

"Portman," Seto hissed. "She followed us here!"

Mokuba stared. "You really think it was her, Seto?!"

"Who else would use needles to achieve this result?" Seto said darkly. "Dr. Raven would probably use some kind of potion or herb and Yami Marik would use . . ." He scowled. "Magic." He spit the word out like it tasted bad, and indeed, to him it likely did. "But Dr. Portman would use science."

Lector's eyes flashed. "I don't know why she finds us so interesting. But I won't forgive her bringing all of this heartache and pain down on all of you."

Gansley was sickened. "We let her go because we were darkly amused by the thought that she might cause trouble for Mr. Kaiba. Instead, she mostly causes trouble for us."

"Yeah, and Lector wasn't part of that, but he's getting hurt a lot in her schemes," Mokuba scowled.

"We've all been hurt here," Johnson said with a glance at Gansley.

"Yeah," Mokuba said softly. "But . . . I'm so glad you're okay, Lector. . . ." He smiled. "The other members of the Big Five and me . . . we didn't know how we were going to stand it without you. . . ."

Lector regarded him in surprise. "You, Mokuba? . . . We haven't been close in a long time. . . ."

"But we're getting to be close again," Mokuba said. "And you saved me. You nearly died saving me! I . . . I don't want people getting hurt because of me!"

Lector laid a hand on Mokuba's shoulder. "Unfortunately, that's what can happen when people care. I didn't want all the others to get hurt because of me." He looked up at Gansley, Crump, and Johnson. "But they all gave their lives for me. I didn't know how I was going to stand it either."

"We never meant to die," Gansley said. "As I know you didn't."

"Yeah. . . ." Mokuba looked down. "I know a lot of people wonder if it's worth the caring when there's so much pain because of it. . . ."

"What do you think, Mokuba?" Seto asked.

"I think . . ." Mokuba thought about it for a long moment. "I really don't know how life would even be worth living if I was all alone. . . ." His voice cracked. "If I never had anyone to begin with, or if I had them and lost them, I'd be alone either way. I think it'd be worse to have never known my family and friends, because the light they gave me would always be there, even if they weren't. But . . . maybe I'd feel different if I'd never met them. I mean, I wouldn't even know what I was missing."

"You'll never lose all of us, Mokuba," Marik said, stepping forward.

"That's right," Téa agreed. "You'll always have people who care."

"But it still feels horrible to lose anyone I care about," Mokuba said. "I'm so happy we didn't lose Lector." He looked at the still-amazed man. "I already lost you once, when you betrayed us. I don't wanna lose you again!"

"I don't want you to either," Lector said.

Suddenly he really focused on everyone who was in the group. "Where's Nesbitt?" he asked in confusion. "I thought maybe he was just holding back out of discomfort or feeling awkward, but . . ." Alarm filled his eyes. "He made it out, didn't he?!"

"Yes, he made it out," Gansley said. "He wasn't badly hurt in the explosion."

Marik nodded. "Nesbitt and Mokuba both saved my life."

Lector slumped back. "Then where . . ."

Crump sighed. "Nesbitt's outside the building. He wouldn't come in."

"Why?!" Lector demanded.

"First he went off to seek revenge," Gansley said. "He blamed your father."

A cloud passed through Lector's eyes. It was hard to say Nesbitt was wrong in that.

"But when we caught up with him after he screamed at your father . . ." Johnson looked haunted. "I don't even know how to explain this. . . . He started insisting that he was an android, that he had never been human, and that he didn't feel any kind of human emotions."

Lector stared at him. "What?!"

"Johnson thinks he did that to himself because he couldn't face the grief over your being dead," Gansley said.

Mokuba stared too. "That's awful," he gasped.

Lector shakily swung his legs down from the couch and tried to stand. "I have a hard time believing he could possibly be that affected by me being dead," he said. "Maybe that creature's controlling him again."

"Well, perhaps," Gansley said. "In any case, we couldn't get through to him at all. You, however, might be able to."

"I'm certainly going to try." Lector stumbled, but got to his feet.

"Are you dizzy at all?" Johnson asked in concern.

"Some," Lector admitted. "But that's not enough to stop me."

"We'll all go down with you," Johnson said. "But then we'll let you take the lead in talking to Nesbitt."

They gathered around Lector, walking with him and making sure he didn't fall. Mokuba followed behind with Seto and the rest, his eyes bright with joy and awe as he watched.

"Dr. Portman has hit a new low," Marik said in repulsion.

"I can't believe she really put everyone through all of this just for one of her sick little experiments!" Téa cried.

"Believe it," Seto said. "And if Nesbitt has really gone off the deep end, this 'experiment' is going to be very far-reaching." His eyes narrowed. "I won't forgive her for what this sick experiment did to Mokuba."

The walk down the hall and the elevator ride to the ground floor were very tense. Lector especially was distressed, not knowing what he was going to find when he stepped outside. He could scarcely comprehend the level-headed Nesbitt reacting in such an extreme manner. Running off to scream at his father was very believable, but the rest . . .

They reached the first floor and Lector went ahead of the others to step outside. "Nesbitt?" He looked around, not seeing the other man. "Nesbitt, where are you?" He could see Yugi and Atem standing around looking tense. Nesbitt had to be nearby. . . .

Then Lector's frantic call processed. Yugi and Atem both started and turned. "Lector?!" they both burst out.

"It's a long story," Lector said. "I'm alright. . . . I was given a drug that made me look dead."

"That's sick!" Yugi cried. "But . . ." He smiled. "I'm really glad you're okay."

Atem nodded. "We both are. And I know Nesbitt will be."

Suddenly Nesbitt came out from behind a tree. "Stop, human! Where are you going?"

Lector did stop, and he stared at Nesbitt in utter disbelief and horror. The man's eyes were cold and dead. He was speaking as though he wasn't human, just as the others had told him.

"Nesbitt, what is wrong with you?!" Lector burst out. "You know you're a human. What's more, you're speaking as though you don't know me!"

"I don't," Nesbitt said flatly. "And as for being a human myself, negative. I am a machine, a perfect creation without emotions or heart. They are unnecessary and only get in the way of the very important work I'm doing."

Lector's mind went blank. He had never understood Nesbitt's obsession with machines. He had pretended to think he was a robot in Noa's world, but this was the real world. He knew he was human! What could have happened to him? He knew what Johnson had theorized, but could that really be true? What if Yami Marik was at work again, as Lector had thought? Was he controlling Nesbitt to think he wasn't human?

"I will admit, you do resemble someone I once knew in another existence," Nesbitt continued. "But that time is long gone. Get out of my way or I will be forced to remove you from my path."

"No," Lector retorted. He folded his arms. "I'm not moving from this spot. You'll have to move me yourself, Nesbitt, and as you know, I'm as strong as you are, if not stronger."

"No human is stronger than a machine!" Nesbitt roared. He lunged and extended his arm, but instead of punching Lector, he kept it poised as though about to shoot something from it at Lector.

"What are you trying to do?" Lector demanded. "You don't have any kind of weapon that's going to come out of your arm and attack me. You'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way."

Nesbitt trembled. "No. . . ."

"No, what?" Lector peered at him. "No, you don't have a weapon or no, you don't want to attack me with your bare hands?"

Nesbitt turned away. "Go away," he said weakly. "Don't . . . don't do this to me. . . ."

"And just what am I supposed to be doing to you?!" Lector countered.

"You no longer exist," Nesbitt replied. "Stop making me malfunction and think you might be here! It hurts too much. . . ."

Lector stared at him. "Nesbitt . . ." He took a cautious step forward. "I'm not dead."

"Negative!" Nesbitt spat. "Don't come any closer."

"Nesbitt!" Lector grabbed the other man's arm. "Can't you feel this?! I'm real! I'm not a hallucination you're having! And you just said 'it hurts.' You still know you're a human! An android doesn't hurt!"

Nesbitt screamed. "This does not process!" He fell to his knees, digging his hands into his hair. "The dead don't come back. They can't come back. . . . System failure! System failure!"

Lector was chilled. "No," he gasped. "Johnson was right, wasn't he? That madman didn't do this to you! You did it to yourself."

"Negative," Nesbitt insisted. "I have always been a machine. Never a human. They're weak. They're all weak! Foolish emotions and short life expectancies. A machine lives on!"

"Nesbitt, I am not dead!" Lector dropped to his knees in front of him and grasped his shoulders. "You look at me. You may like to think you're a machine, or maybe right now you feel like you have to think it because you can't process what reality seems to have handed you, but you are all human. Your emotions control you! You hardly know how to be emotionless and robotic."

"No," Nesbitt choked out. "No. . . . Machines are better than people. They don't lose people they care about. They don't waste time mourning or grieving or other such nonsense. They don't . . ."

"And you don't have to!" Lector interrupted. "Nesbitt, I'm alive! I survived the explosion with only a small bump to my head. Someone—most likely Dr. Portman—apparently stuck me with some kind of drug that made me look dead. I came to back at the hotel and Gansley, Crump, and Johnson told me how you were acting when they found you! Look." He rolled up his sleeve, revealing the injection wound. "She stuck me right here."

Nesbitt stared. "She . . . she drugged you?"

"That's right," Lector said. "Nesbitt, I'm alright!"

Nesbitt sharply exhaled, shaking. "Lector . . ." He reached out, gingerly touching Lector's shoulders before moving his right hand down to feel his heart beating. His shoulders slumped and he fell forward, trembling. "I thought . . . I thought you were dead. It's the first time I've ever lost someone I actually care about. I couldn't handle the grief. It was the most horrible, crushing feeling I've ever experienced! I had to lock it away. I had to pretend I couldn't feel, because I . . . I couldn't go on feeling that way, and to feel the good, I had to also feel the bad. And . . . I couldn't . . ." He choked and started to sob.

Lector stared at Nesbitt in sickened horror. Dr. Portman was no doubt watching, and she was no doubt having a field day with this.

"My poor friend," he whispered. "You have more of a heart than anyone knew, including you yourself." Slowly he drew an arm around Nesbitt's shaking shoulders. "It's going to be alright. I'm still here."

When Nesbitt got control of himself, he would most likely be mortified at his actions. But right now, he was too broken and confused to care. He slumped against Lector, wanting the comfort he didn't know how to ask for and the assurance that Lector was indeed alive. And even though it was awkward and uncomfortable for Lector to see him like this, he did his best to comply.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Mokuba wondered.

"I think so," Gansley said.

"But they'll probably be having a long conversation when he finally calms down," Johnson said. "We'll probably all have such conversations with Lector eventually. . . ."

Mokuba looked down. "Yeah. . . ." He definitely wanted to talk more with Lector himself, once things settled down.

"Lector . . ." Nesbitt finally looked to him, still trying to fully accept that this was real, praying with all his heart that it was. "I . . . I never even told you . . . or any of the others either . . . that I love you. Too much pride, I guess . . . and maybe not really realizing it was true. . . . But I didn't deny it when the girl Serenity told me that's how I felt. I love you . . . every one of you. . . ." He looked to Gansley, Crump, and Johnson, then back to Lector. "And I thought your father had taken away my chance to tell you."

Lector looked back in moved surprise. "Oh, Nesbitt . . . I already knew that," he said. "You didn't have to say it."

"You knew?" Nesbitt rocked back. "But . . . how?"

"You told me in your actions," Lector said. "When you stayed despite everything. . . . When you gave up your life for me. . . . When you became so devastated because of what that thing made you do to me. . . . And in a million other ways, some big, some small." He looked firmly into Nesbitt's stunned eyes. "And I love you too. My brother. . . . All my brothers. . . ." He looked up at the others. "I couldn't have a better family."

Gansley, Crump, and Johnson came and knelt by them as well.

"No . . . you couldn't," Gansley said with a bit of a smile.

"None of us could," Crump said.

"And we love you as well," Johnson said firmly.

They all moved in to embrace each other.

It was Crump who saw the strange shadow flying over them first. "What the . . . ?!"

Everyone looked up with a jerk.

"What is that?!" Yugi cried.

"It looks like a Duel Monster," Atem gasped.

"Berserk Dragon!" Lector exclaimed. That was a monster they all knew all too well.

Indeed, a gigantic Berserk Dragon was flying overhead. Even more bizarre, someone was sitting side-saddle style on its back, laughing maniacally. Around her neck, a glowing jade amulet was all too visible.

Lector leaped to his feet in disbelieving horror. "Evangeline?!"