Chapter 4 –Without You
October 2005
Amethyst
Amethyst turned in bed, her growling stomach keeping her awake. She liked going to bed feeling full, but guessed she couldn't if she was going to keep up with this. At her request, her parents had stopped at Taco Bell and she'd gorged herself on food, letting it sit during the car ride until she could get rid of it in the bathroom at home. She supposed she liked the euphoric feeling she had afterwards…like the room spun ever so slightly and she felt light as air. She could eat all she wanted and feel full for a little while until she got rid of it. It was as if a burden was lifted.
God, but she needed something to EAT!
Amethyst opened her door a crack and peeked out. No lights were on in the hall or coming up the stairs, but she did see it glowing under the crack of her parents' door. Oh God they weren't…no, they certainly didn't do that anymore. She heard her mother's muffled voice and she didn't sound happy. Amethyst pressed her ear against the door.
"I know she is. The pickles – the morning sickness…"
"I'd throw up too if I ate pickles and milk together," her father countered. "And if she is, we'll find out eventually."
"You're okay with this?!"
Wait…they were talking about her sister, right? Or had they heard her in the bathroom?
The sound of Fetuao sighing came through the door. "I mean, is it ideal – of course not. I'd like to see her married first, but she's twenty-three. She has a career and she has us to support her."
"What about the father?"
"Look, we don't know what the situation is, but eventually, Jasper is going to come to us – if she's even pregnant…"
"And she is." A drawer slid shut from inside the room. "I'm a nurse and I've been pregnant three times, so I know this."
Oh good. Amethyst would have breathed a sigh of relief but didn't want them to know she was listening. Hold on…three times?
"What do you suggest? An intervention? She'll tell us when she's ready to tell us. If she is pregnant, she certainly can't hide it forever. I mean, eventually, we will notice."
There was silence for a few moments before Penina spoke again. "I worry she's thinking immoral thoughts."
Fetuao laughed. "Well, I'm pretty sure she was when she got this way too."
"It's not funny!" Coils squeaked as she sat on the bed. "I know I lost my first one, but despite the circumstances, I never would have had an abortion."
"Of course not because it's not legal in Samoa and we didn't come here until the year after we were married." There was a click and the light dimmed under the door. "Besides, if – and emphasize if – Jasper is pregnant, there could be many reasons she's not telling us. We didn't announce either of the girls were on the way until you were in your second trimester. Isn't that pretty common? In case something happens?"
"You're right. I mean, I would like to think she'd tell us, but there could be plenty of reasons she's not. She's not necessarily thinking of that."
"Jasper knows how important family is. She would never do such a thing." Fabric rustled and Amethyst heard the unmistakable sound of a kiss.
Whether they continued beyond a kiss or not, that was her cue to exit. As she approached the stairs she heard the front door open and close softly. Great…Jasper was home. At least her sister wasn't going to care if she was raiding the fridge and as she approached the kitchen, hearing the familiar pop of the door and the small light illuminating the shadows, she figured Jasper was doing the same thing.
Amethyst entered and stood in front of the fridge, surveying the contents. "I dunno what I'm hungry for."
The only response was the hissing and popping of a can opening. Then she heard Jasper gulping down her drink.
"Like, you know, I want something that's gonna fill me up but not make me fat…ter."
A sliding sound followed, coupled with a lid being plunked on the table and Jasper chomping into something. "Have a pickle. They only have like ten calories."
Amethyst plucked one from the jar and sank her teeth into it, talking with her mouth full. "How was your birthday?"
"It was alright." Jasper raised the can she held and took a long drink.
In the dim light from outside – the moon, or perhaps porch lights their neighbors hadn't turned off – Amethsyst could see her sister was drinking beer. Well, she certainly wasn't pregnant then. Amethyst may not have known much about the subject, but she knew alcohol was a no-no. Either way, this was the perfect opportunity for sisterly bonding. "How's Lacy?"
"She's fine." Jasper finished her pickle, swallowed the rest of her beer and let out an impressive belch. "I'm going to bed."
"Already? It's not even midnight."
Her sister tossed the can in the trash. "Lacy and I had a long conversation and I'm exhausted. I'm not in the mood for any more talking."
But, it had been months since they'd seen each other in person and Amethyst wanted to talk to her. She wanted to know everything that was going on. Everything about Jasper and her life. But here her sister was on her way out of the kitchen. "Jasps, wait…"
"Huh?"
"Um…uh…are you pregnant?"
Jasper stopped between the kitchen and the hallway leading to the stairs. Silence surrounded them for a few moments then she heaved a sigh. "Good night Ames."
Amethyst grabbed another pickle as she saw her sister walk down the hall and disappear up the stairs. She had been drinking beer. How fucking stupid, Amethyst told herself. Of course she's not pregnant, dumbass.
However, she also noticed Jasper hadn't answered the question.
"You really think she is?" Peridot asked as she slid clothes across the rack at the thrift store.
Amethyst surveyed a witch's dress that appeared too plain for her tastes. "I don't know. Mom's pretty convinced.
"I mean, it could be cool. You'll be an aunt."
She honestly hadn't really thought of that, but… "Chyeah – I'd be cool Aunt Ames who gives presents and does awesome things with the kid and then hands them back to Jasper when they do baby things."
"Baby things?"
"You know like pooping and puking and crying." Honestly, she didn't see Jasper doing well dealing with that kind of thing. She certainly didn't seem like the maternal type and she'd never mentioned wanting kids. "Mom is worried…about how she's going to handle it."
"What? Like get an abortion?" Peridot put it so bluntly. "That's up to her and is a valid option, especially if she's not ready."
"What? Just casually like that? Oh, I'm not ready so I'm going to scramble it up and have it sucked out."
Peridot's faced paled more if that was possible. "You put it so vividly, but yes. I mean, I'm not ready now and it would definitely be on my mind."
"Mom says it's a sin against God."
"Well, I don't answer to your mom and I don't believe in God." Peridot plucked a disco outfit off the rack and made a face at it.
"Since when?" Peridot's family was Lutheran; she and Amethyst had attended Bible camp together when they were ten.
Peridot shrugged. "I don't know…a while I guess. I don't think I've ever said it out loud."
Amethyst stayed silent. God had always been a given in her life. The sky was blue. Trees grew from the ground. God existed. To her, it had been fact, not up for debate, and though she knew there were other religions, she couldn't fathom just not believing. "So…what do you believe in?"
"Science," her friend answered simply.
That was valid, Amethyst supposed, but… "What about when you die?"
"Then I'll be dead."
"I mean, where do you think you'll go?"
Peridot's brows furrowed together as though that shouldn't even be a question. "Into the ground…"
"So that's it? You're born, you live, you die and that's just it?" Then what was the point?
"I guess, yeah. I mean, maybe our energy goes on in some kind of way, but I don't think I'll be up in the clouds riding unicorns or anything."
Amethyst had always hoped that was a thing, actually. Unicorns sounded cool. What was she thinking? She still believed in heaven; she still believed in God. Nothing would change that and a difference in belief wouldn't change ten years of friendship. She held up a gray vest and skirt that looked as though it would fit her. "Hey, I could go as a student from Harry Potter. I have a white shirt, so I just have to go to the mall and get a tie."
"What house?"
"Gryffindor, duh. You find anything interesting yet?"
"Not really."
"We can both go as wizarding students."
"Maybe…but I was kind of thinking Camp Pining Hearts." Peridot gave a sheepish grin as she showed off a khaki shirt she'd found.
"Oh…" Amethyst really didn't get her friend's obsession with such an obscure show. "That works."
"So, you were actually invited to this party? Isn't Beth throwing it? Seth's twin?"
Her heart pounded. If he said horrible things about her, she could only imagine what his cheerleader sister thought of her. "Pffft, invitations aren't really sent out. You just know it's happening and you show up. Come on, let's try on our clothes and hit up the mall."
Inside the dressing room, Amethyst grunted as she fastened the skirt and vest. She could get them closed, but the buttons were strained and it was a bit uncomfortable. But maybe if she kept up her diet, she'd fit into it by the end of the month. She smoothed her hand over her ample cleavage accentuated by the vest. She'd definitely need a shirt under it or her mom wouldn't let her out of the house!
The skirt was fingertip length, so she may actually get away with wearing it to school, though because of her rear, it was a little higher in back than she'd like. Maybe she could wear shorts under it. No, that would look stupid. Amethyst wondered if her sister was doing anything for Halloween and what costume she'd choose.
Amethyst and Peridot paid for their clothes and made their way the short distance to the mall. Inside wasn't terribly busy, so they swung by Hot Topic quickly choosing a tie in stripes of gold and crimson with the Gryffindor crest at its base. "What house do you think you'd be in, Peri?"
Her friend surveyed the choices, handling a blue one gently. "I mean, I am book smart, but…" her eyes flickered over to a green one with a snake crest. "I really like green."
"You also hate snakes."
"True. But, I'm going as Percy from Camp Pining Hearts and I'm confident in my decision."
"Percy is a boy though. You're dressing up as a boy?"
"Zoom in on my lack of curves. I can pull it off."
Amethyst supposed she was right. Peridot did have short hair after all. They bought the tie and headed toward the delicious smells of the food court. Her stomach growled and she thought of milkshakes and fries from their favorite place – a 50's style diner through an entrance to the main mall. "We should get lunch."
Peridot nodded enthusiastically. They soon found themselves in a booth sharing an order of fries and onion rings. While her friend sipped on a strawberry shake, Amethyst had chosen chocolate and was quickly reminded to take it slow as pain settled in the front of her head. It was good, but all she could hear was Seth's voice calling her 'Pala-mooo' and she imagined what he'd say if he saw her here gorging herself – 'what, did you make the milk for that yourself?' As she stood in the bathroom after they'd eaten, swishing the taste out of her mouth, she realized a week didn't make much difference, but come spring, she'd be able to fit into all the latest fashions and he wouldn't say anything more about her weight. She'd finally be perfect.
Jasper
The paper crinkled as Jasper sat on the exam table. At least the all-female staff at the clinic seemed nice. Lacy said she'd been here a few times for routine care herself. She'd asked if Jasper wanted her in the room, but as close as they were, Jasper had declined. She'd never had an ultrasound before, but it didn't seem like a terribly traumatic experience.
Her eyes flickered to a poster on the wall showing the stages of growth in the first trimester. She looked at the drawing of the seven-week-old fetus and noted it would be about the size of a blueberry. Her stomach flip-flopped as she thought about food. It was about nine in the morning and she realized she should have scheduled this for later in the day.
The door opened and the doctor walked in as a nurse followed behind. "Hello, Jasper. How are you feeling?"
Queasy. Nervous. Ashamed. Terrified. "I'm okay."
"I'm Dr. Harris and this is Aaliyah. She's a nurse who will be helping me." She flipped open a chart. "So, this says you're close to seven weeks along now. On your intake form, you also indicated this pregnancy is the result of sexual assault."
Jasper turned her gaze to the floor. Lacy had made her answer that question truthfully. It was okay though…she'd have the abortion and that would be the end of it. She could consider it a dream and never have to think of it again. God, yes she would – every time she saw Sergeant McCoy. Even as a dream it was disturbing. "Um…well…I said yes at first…so, I guess…"
"We're here to help you, Jasper. We can refer you for counseling if you like."
She scoffed. "Pfft, no." A counselor was not going to tell her anything she didn't already know. She imagined going in, sitting on a couch and telling some stranger how she'd been behaving only to have them say: 'Kind of a slut, were we?' It would just be confirmation that she'd brought all of this on herself. "I just need to take care of this…problem."
"I understand you've elected termination."
"Yes."
"And you have considered your other options?"
Jasper's heart pounded and she squeezed her eyes shut. No, she was not going to cry here in the doctor's office…in front of strangers. "There are no other options for me. This is what I have to do. I…I didn't choose to have sex with him…I didn't choose to get pregnant." God, nope, the tears were coming now, hot and fresh, blurring her vision. "If it had happened any other way…I'd go through with it, but…I can't. I have to have some amount of choice in how this plays out."
Dr. Harris held a box of tissues out to her. "I know this is very hard, Jasper. You've been through something traumatic and now you have to make a difficult decision." She placed the box on the counter after Jasper had taken a few tissues. "But, you need to do what's best for you and what will help you begin to heal."
She recalled Lacy saying something similar. How was she going to heal from something that was her own damn fault? Jasper pressed the tissue to her eyes and took a deep breath. She was not going to give into breaking down like she did at Lacy's apartment. "Um…what do I do?" She was wearing a gown and had a paper drape across her lap. "Do I like…lift the gown and put this paper thing over my hoo-ha?"
Dr. Harris used some hand sanitizer and donned a pair of gloves before picking up something long and plastic attached to a machine with a wire. "This is the ultrasound probe."
'Probe' did not sound good.
She slid a clear, plastic barrier over it. "I'm going to put a little jelly on the end of this, then I'll hand it to you and you're going to insert it into your vagina."
Jasper blinked wondering if she'd heard that right. This was not how things went down in movies or on TV. "I'm sorry, I'm gonna do what?"
"I can insert it if you're okay with that, but I like to respect your privacy and it's usually more comfortable for the patient to do it herself. Once it's in, I'll take it from you and move it around to visualize the fetus."
The idea of something foreign going into her made her uncomfortable. She knew women who had toys, but she'd never used one. Aside from a guy's cock or a tampon, nothing went up there, but here she was laying back and taking the probe from the doctor and fumbling around with it in her nether regions until she felt it slide into her. She made a face; it felt weird and cold. The doctor took it from her and moved it around, causing it to press on her insides uncomfortably. She already had to pee and this was not helping. Jasper stared at the ceiling waiting for it to be over.
"Would you like to see?"
She shook her head. If she looked at the monitor, if she saw the heart beating, that would be it. She wouldn't be able to go through with it. Her fist clenched as she felt the probe bump up against something in her. Her mind flew back to that night and she felt that same suffocation as though she were being pinned down. She remembered how rough he'd been…how he'd hurt her. She could recall the feeling of the sheet in her hand…his breathing…the arrogance in his voice.
Slut.
Jasper shut her eyes. She couldn't breathe. But he was…his breath was hot against her ear.
You can't dish it out to everyone else then tell me no.
She felt someone touch her arm and couldn't tell if it was the nurse gently comforting her or McCoy's hand squeezing her arm down. She heard herself whimpering, but she couldn't cry out because in her mind his hand was over her mouth.
If you say anything, there will be consequences.
Something slid out of her and she exhaled as she opened her eyes and realized she was in the doctor's office. Jasper put a hand on her stomach.
"We're finished. You did well." Dr. Harris allowed her to sit up before continuing. "So, we can give you a pill which will induce a miscarriage or we can schedule you for a D&C, which is where we insert…"
"I know what that one is." Jasper didn't want to hear the details. "I kind of figured that's what I would do."
"Okay. The front desk will get you all scheduled." Dr. Harris closed the chart and gave her a kind smile. "I want you to think about counseling over the next few days until we can get you in, okay? I think it would be a good idea."
"Yeah, sure." Jasper was left to clean the gel off herself and change into her clothes before heading to the front desk where she scheduled the abortion for that following Friday, along with an appointment Thursday afternoon to have something put into her cervix that they said would soften and dilate it. She walked out with Lacy into the chilly air. "Thanks for doing this with me."
Her friend placed a comforting hand on her arm. "Of course.
"I really don't want to go home after that – can I crash on your couch Friday night?"
"No." Lacy hugged her. "I'll let you have my bed and I'll take the couch."
"I can't take your bed from you."
"My couch pulls out into a very comfortable futon." Lacy joined Jasper in the car, settling in the passenger seat. "Also, they said to have someone drive you, so I'll handle that. You're going to be going through something physically and emotionally draining, so your only responsibility on Friday is to relax as much as possible and let me take care of you. I'm going to be here for you no matter what."
Jasper gave her a smile before starting the car. "Thank you."
The appointment on Thursday had been no worse than her annual exam – perhaps slightly more uncomfortable. At least as they drove to the clinic on Friday, she knew she'd be in a twilight sleep for the actual abortion and that helped. As they entered the parking lot they were greeted by protesters standing just outside the private property holding signs with pictures Jasper had to turn away from and words like 'God hates murder'.
Lacy rolled her eyes. "Jesus Christ, do these people have anything better to do?"
Jasper hoped one of them wasn't her mother, but knew she wouldn't be there. Her mom was overall silent about her beliefs unless asked and she wasn't the protesting type. "We did fight for their right to protest, Lace."
"Yeah, but did they have to pick today?"
Jasper got out of the car, shoving her hands in the pockets of her jacket. They had told her to wear something comfortable, so she'd chosen her workout pants and a T-shirt that said 'tickets not needed for this gun show'. It made her reflect on her strength, on her fighting skills – she should have been able to kick him off and beat the shit out of him. Instead, she'd frozen…like a fucking coward…and let it happen.
"Hey!"
She rolled her eyes attempting to ignore the protester trying to get her attention.
"If you'd kept your legs together, you wouldn't have to murder your baby!"
"Fuck off!" Lacy spat back. She walked into the clinic with Jasper. "I have half a mind to go out there and kick their asses."
Jasper checked in and sat down in the waiting room. Three other women were there, one visibly pregnant. She wondered what the other two were here for – regular exams, early prenatal care, STD testing or exactly what she was seeing the doctor for? At one point, Lacy went up to the front desk to see if they could do anything about the protestors.
The receptionist shook her head. "Unfortunately, as long as they're on the sidewalk, that's public property and we can't tell them to leave. Trust me, I'd love for them to step into the parking lot so I could call the cops."
Jasper was called back and went alone to a room with a more comfortable-looking table, almost like a bed. Lacy hadn't come with her. She'd told Jasper she would drive her and help take care of her after, but could not bring herself to be in the room during the procedure. And Jasper understood why…Lacy was keeping her baby. She did as instructed by the nurse – took off her clothes and changed into a gown.
"Oh, you didn't need to take your bra off."
Why didn't they tell her that to begin with? Well, it was off now and good riddance. It was feeling small and her boobs hurt constantly. She imagined that would go away once this was all over. Everything would go away…
The nurse gave her a kind smile after checking her vitals. She asked if Jasper had any questions to which she shook her head. "I'm going to start an IV to put you in a light sedation and the doctor will be in shortly."
Jasper knew she wouldn't be completely asleep, but by the time Dr. Harris entered the room, her eyelids felt heavy as though she could doze off at any moment. There was another woman there, too, dressed in street clothes; they told her the woman was a volunteer who was there for emotional support if needed. Jasper nodded when she asked if it was okay to hold her hand.
Gentle music played from somewhere above her and Jasper was only vaguely aware of cold and pressure…there came the soft hum of a vacuum. The volunteer squeezed her hand. "You're doing great."
"Mmm-hm…" Jasper couldn't manage more of a response. The next thing she knew, her legs were together and the grogginess seemed to be wearing off. It was surreal as though she were in a dream, or was just waking up… "Is it over?"
"Yes, you did very well," Dr. Harris told her.
"I'm not pregnant?"
"No."
"Okay." She hardly remembered the short walk to the recovery room where she was seated in a plush chair almost like a recliner. Gradually, the last tendrils of sleep loosened, letting her out of their grasp and she found herself still a bit groggy, but awake enough to listen to the aftercare instructions and eat the package of crackers the nurse gave her.
"Are you feeling nauseous at all?"
Jasper shook her head. "Not really."
Fifteen minutes later, she was able to get dressed, use the bathroom and finally leave with Lacy. Her lower abdomen throbbed with cramps and she knew to expect bleeding over the next few days. That was fine. She'd come home from Lacy's tomorrow and anyone emptying the bathroom trash would just think she'd started her period. That way Amethyst and anyone else asking would realize she wasn't pregnant.
It was a fairly silent drive back to Lacy's apartment with Jasper staring out the window and heaving a sigh when they finally arrived. "Well, thank God that's over."
"Are you okay?"
She nodded, but she wasn't okay. She was far from okay. Lacy opened the door and immediately headed for the kitchen. "I'm hungry, you want anything, Jasps?"
"Maybe just a glass of water. I think I'm going to sleep a bit." She grabbed one of the glasses from the cupboard, letting out a small chuckle as Justin Timberlake's face smiled at her from the smooth surface. "You still have these N'Sync glasses I bought you for graduation?"
"Yeah, well only Justin and Lance have survived three moves and several washings." Lacy leaned against the counter. "Someday when Carlos and I are married, we're going to have the perfect house and everything in my kitchen will match right down to the tablecloth and tea towels."
"I'll get you some nicer glasses for a wedding present." She filled it up with water. "Now you're sure about me using your bed?"
"Yes, Jasps." Lacy placed a hand on her shoulder. "Go, rest. I'll check on you in a bit."
Jasper made her way into the bedroom, deciding not to close the door. It didn't feel right as though telling Lacy she weren't allowed in her own room. She took a couple ibuprofen before laying down and pulling Lacy's pink comforter over her. Why her best friend liked pink was beyond her. The color was soft like roses in the spring and she thought of pink blankets and booties and maybe a stuffed animal. Lacy didn't have one of those, but she had a pillow that looked like a pink donut with sprinkles and Jasper hugged it to her.
A memory came to her of just after high school. She had been preparing to go to boot camp and helping her mother move some things to the attic. Penina had asked if they should keep any of Jasper's baby clothes. There was a frilly pink dress, a jumper with a duck on it and her mother proudly showed off a white baptism gown in a box. "This I brought all the way from Samoa. My mom was baptized in it and so was I and you and your sister. I'm keeping these because someday you might have a little girl of your own."
She'd had to do it, so why did she feel so empty inside? Why was the guilt causing her face to scrunch up as fresh tears came to her eyes? The doctor had said she could have other babies. Lacy would go on to have hers – maybe a little girl. Maybe in her perfect house with Carlos there would be a nursery full of frilly pink things and Jasper would just go on and have babies some other time. She wouldn't forget this though.
What would she have named a girl? Lily, maybe – that was nice. She squished the pillow against her face, tears trekking across her nose and down her cheek. They sank into the plush donut she held and before she knew it, she was sobbing. Actually fucking sobbing. How dare he do this to her! How dare she have to go through this and he got to just go on as though nothing had changed! Why didn't he have to suffer? He was the one who had wronged her.
'You can't take me in here, get me all riled up and then tell me no!'
She wanted to scream. God, when was his voice going to get out of her head? It was over – it was done. She was no longer pregnant. Couldn't she just go on as though nothing had happened? As though she'd just had sex with him and there were no consequences whatsoever? But his words made her realize once again that she was to blame.
The bed sagged under the weight of another person and her heart leapt into her throat at first until she recognized the touch of a feminine hand on her shoulder. Lacy squeezed gently. "I'm here for you, Jasps. You don't have to go through this alone."
"I don't even know why I'm crying…"
"You've been through something horrible and because of it you had to make a difficult decision that I know goes against everything your parents taught you and what your church taught you. I can't even imagine making that choice."
"I was just wondering if it was a boy or a girl. A boy would be easier." She tried to brush off her pain. So used to being a soldier, she never let anyone see her like this – broken and vulnerable. "I mean, can you imagine if I had a girl with African-American and Samoan hair? God, that would be a nightmare to comb."
Lacy was silent for a few moments then shifted position, laying behind Jasper and wrapping her up in a hug. "I'm sure it would be, but if it was with someone you loved, you'd comb that hair every day."
Jasper let out a ragged breath. She could cry here. She was safe here. She was with Lacy, whom she'd known since they were eleven…her best friend…her sister if only in spirit. They'd seen each other through scrapes, problems with teachers, crazy shenanigans, groundings and separations due to Lacy's job. Jasper had been there for her in the aftermath of what her stepfather had put her through. They'd gone to war together. Jasper had been her comfort when she was injured and now here Lacy was when Jasper was injured and hurting. She'd been deeply wounded and Lacy was with her. It wasn't often Jasper lay her heart out in the open; she was not a sappy person, but she could open it here. She could even if it was just this once. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Hey, you've been there for me once or twice."
"I kind of…always thought we'd have babies together someday…"
"We will. You'll meet someone and you'll fall in love and someday you'll have children you get to keep. You'll have a son or daughter you'll hold in your arms and raise. I plan more kids, so, we'll have babies around the same time, I'm sure."
"Thank you," she whispered.
And Lacy stayed with her until her eyes were dry.
Returning to work, the first thing she did was make sure the necessary paperwork was sent to her command. That first day back in late October, Jasper had to be there early for physical training. Some of the soldiers clearly hadn't kept on track with working out these past few weeks, but she was still in shape. She really thought now that she was ready to move past all this. She'd ended her pregnancy; she'd mourned. Now, it was time for life to go on.
Then, after PT, he grabbed her arm and she stopped. "Let go," Jasper growled.
Sergeant McCoy's voice was low. "Is it taken care of?"
"Yes," she answered simply.
"Good." With that, he let go and walked off.
Jasper shuddered and quickly rushed to her next task. Being home basically meant training for their next deployment, which hopefully wouldn't be for a while. This meant her days would always consist of physical training and then whatever her command put her to work doing, which today was firearm maintenance. Why give it a fancy title? She was cleaning guns. At least she wasn't stuck picking up trash like the privates who were goofing off earlier. She was introduced to three new soldiers who had joined the unit while she was on leave – two privates and another corporal whose nametag read: Matua.
"Palamo," he said her name thoughtfully. "You have family in Pago Pago?"
He was Samoan; there was no doubt of that, but she hadn't seen him at her auntie's birthday celebration the previous Sunday, so he wasn't integrated in the local community yet. "My dad is from there."
"Is his first name Fetuao?"
"Yes," she answered slowly.
"My dad served with him in 'Nam. He said they lost contact, but mentioned your father had a son."
"No, he wanted a son, but he got me and my sister instead."
"Oh, so you're…"
Jasper raised her eyebrow, but it wasn't his fault. It was an honest mistake when she was wearing her uniform. Still, her voice came out a little more serious than intended. "I'm his daughter, Jasper."
He gave a kind smile. "Matt."
Really? Well, he was from American Samoa, so it wasn't too far-fetched he'd have an English name. "Nice to meet you."
No doubt soon enough he'd find his way into the community. He wasn't unfortunate-looking. Some might even say he was handsome in his own sort of way. But he was new and all her aunties would waste no time trying to set him up with someone. She turned her attention to finishing her task.
Amethyst
Amethyst swore as she put her costume on Halloween night that it was not as snug as it had been in the store. Well, it was still tight in the boobs, but what wasn't? She adjusted her bra. Her mom had bought the biggest one at Target, but she still spilled out of it and tended to wear sports bras most of the time. Tonight though, she wore her white one with the lace at the top and a little ribbon in the middle. She buttoned her shirt up all the way so her mom wouldn't say it was inappropriate and slipped the tie on around her neck.
She spun around in the mirror making her gray skirt twirl, showing off just a hint of butt cheek before it covered her again. Her eye makeup was dark and mysterious and perfect. She felt beautiful as the doorbell rang and she rushed off to greet Peridot.
"Trick or treat!" sang children's voices from the stoop.
Oh, it wasn't Peridot.
She heard the rustle of candy bars as her mom said: "Don't you all look precious?"
"I'm not precious!" One kid protested. "I'm a devil!"
Penina laughed and told him he was scary before sending them off to the next house. "Oh, hello Peridot. Amethyst is upstairs."
Amethyst ran down the steps, shoes in hand. "Nope, I'm right here." She plunked her shoes on the mat and slid into them. "How do I look?"
"What did you say you were going as again? A griffin whore?"
"Oh my gosh, Mom." Amethyst buried her face in her hand. "It's GryffinDOR, like from Harry Potter."
"With that short skirt…could have fooled me." Penina looked at her and tilted her head. "That skirt doesn't look as tight as when you first bought it."
At this, she beamed. "Thanks, I think I've lost a few pounds."
Her mother nodded thoughtfully. "That's good, but you still have a long way to go."
Amethyst's expression fell. "Come on, Per."
"Their parents are going to be there?" Penina asked.
"Yep." Amethyst actually didn't know. Doubtful.
"Your curfew is ten – tomorrow is still a school day. No hanky-panky. No spin the bottle."
"Mom, people don't pl…"
"No drugs, no drinking."
"Mom, we're going to eat candy and watch horror movies – maybe dance. That's it."
"No dancing with boys."
"Eh, Penina, why don't you let her grow up a little bit?" Her father asked as he came over and hugged her good-bye. "Just not too fast, okay, Peanut?"
"Okay." Amethyst's face flushed even though she knew Peridot had heard her father call her that on numerous occasions. And she knew Peridot's dad called her Per-bear. It was still a little embarrassing and she told her friend this as they were walking down the street towards Seth's house.
Peridot shrugged and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her khaki pants. "He still calls Jasper 'baby girl' – nothing about her screams 'baby'. Although, speaking of…" She raised her eyebrows.
Amethyst shook her head as she adjusted her shirt so her cleavage was noticeable. "False alarm. She got her period. I was kind of getting used to the idea of being an aunt."
The party was in full swing by the time they arrived and even in costume she recognized most of the kids. Beth was wearing a white corset, short skirt and bunny ears. She stood by the refreshment table talking to a friend of hers who was dressed similarly in pink, but with fairy wings. Her friend gave Amethyst and Peridot a sly smile as they approached. "See, Beth, it's just like I told you – some people put effort into their costumes and other people just piecemeal stuff together they got from a bargain basement…or the school's lost and found."
"Clever, Aqua, but when I dress up like a pig, I tend to remember they can't fly. You may want to lose the wings." Amethyst knew she wouldn't dare say anything about her weight since they were both short and curvy.
"Who even invited you?" Beth asked. "I don't remember saying you could – put that brownie down – I didn't say you could just crash my party!"
Seth walked over dressed up as a Roman in a toga. "It's okay – I invited them. Amelia is in my English class and I actually wanted her help with my paper."
"Actually, it's Ameth…" Peridot didn't get to finish that thought before Amethyst shoved the brownie in her friend's mouth.
He could call her whatever he wanted. "What can I help you with?"
Seth put a hand on her back causing heat to pool below her stomach. "It's just the book we're reading – The Scarlet Letter – because I don't understand a damn word."
"Good, huh?" she heard Aqua ask Peridot. "You should try these ones, they're…"
Amethyst walked around with her crush discussing the book until a group of kids sat in a circle at Beth's instruction to play a game. Everyone filled out small strips of paper with their names and Beth put the girls' into a pink bag and the boys' into a blue one. "Now, I'll draw two names and whoever gets paired up has to go into the closet for seven minutes and do whatever they want with each other."
She felt her face flush and avoided glancing at Seth. Her insides quivered nervously though part of her also considered buttoning up her shirt. There was no guarantee she'd be paired with him anyway. Instead she turned her attention to Peridot who had a very confused look on her face. "What's up, Per?"
"Okay, I remember…we came here and…when did we sit on the floor?"
Amethyst raised an eyebrow. "Like two minutes ago."
"And I wrote my name on a paper…I think."
Before she could answer, paper rustled as Beth pulled out a name from the pink bag. "Peridot."
"Here!" Her hand shot up in the air causing Aqua to snicker.
"You go in the closet with…Chad!"
It was doubtful Peridot had ever spoken to Chad and now they were expected to make out? Amethyst patted her friend's shoulder. "Good luck."
"Thanks. For what?" Her eyes opened wide. "Oh, we're playing a game."
Amethyst watched as her friend disappeared into the closet with Chad. She wasn't even sure Peridot had ever been kissed before. This seemed to be the case when Peridot emerged from the closet with a confused look on her face, wiping her lips as she sat next to Amethyst.
"How was it?" Amethyst whispered.
"How was what?" Her eyebrows knitted together again. "Oh…right, I just kissed Chad…he slobbers like a St. Bernard."
"Are you okay?"
"I feel…like a dream. Or like when you wake up from a dream and you're not sure what's real."
Amethyst heard the sound of Beth and Aqua snickering lightly before she turned back to her friend, almost positive what was going on at this point. She kept her voice low still. "Hey, Per, what kind of brownies did they give you?"
"Uhh…chocolate…"
"Just chocolate?"
"Uh, yeah…I hope there wasn't coffee in them. Coffee makes me poop."
Amethyst wasn't sure whether to laugh or bury her face in her hand. "Peri, technically all food makes you poop."
Her green eyes widened as she gasped. "You're riiiiiiiiight!"
"Yeah, I think we should…"
"Amethyst and Seth!" Aqua read from the papers she'd pulled.
"See ya." Amethyst stood up and smiled as she stepped into the closet with her crush. As soon as the door closed, her heart pounded. Not that she hadn't ever kissed anyone, but what if she wasn't good at it? What if he wanted more than kissing? All of a sudden the most popular guy in school was running his hand along her cheek and down further. Oh…so he was going to go for that…
Even in near-darkness, she could feel her cheeks blush as his hands wandered her chest. Was that all he wanted? To feel her up? Did Chad do that to Peridot? Was she supposed to be doing something? "Um, are you going to kiss me or what?"
And Seth laughed – actually laughed at her. "Fuck no. Time's up Pala-moo." He opened the door with a flair and pushed her out.
It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light while she heard the other kids snicker and bust into laugher. One by one they started lowing like cattle except for Peridot whose blood-shot eyes opened in horror.
Amethyst looked down at her clothes and saw several stickers on them – all of them black and white cows.
"Moo! Moo! Moooooo!"
It was one thing to have one person say something, but she felt her heart racing and heat rising in her face until it pooled behind her eyes.
Aqua's obnoxious voice floated above the mooing kids. "Look, she's going to cry."
Amethyst bolted from the room, down the hall, through the foyer and outside onto the porch. Her fists shook with anger and she whirled around when she heard someone come out of the house. It was Peridot and she unleashed her feelings loudly to her best friend. "FUCK HIM! FUCK ALL OF THEM!" She hastily ripped the stickers from her clothes, littering them on the porch. Still enraged, she kicked a jack-o-lantern right in its stupid smiling face, breaking it in and sending it tumbling down the steps. "Let's go."
"Oh, uh, okay." Peridot turned, hand on the knob as though making sure she closed the door. Amethyst grabbed her wrist and led her down the driveway. "Wait…so we were just at a party…"
"Yeah, Per – we were just at a party where Seth humiliated the fuck out of me and Aqua gave you brownies I'm pretty sure had pot in them!"
Peridot gasped. "She said they were herbal…I-I thought that meant like organic!" Her hands flew to her hair. "Oh my stars! I took that oath – in that drug resistance program years ago I said I'd never take them and now I'm a junkie!"
Amethyst scoffed. "One pot brownie does not…"
"I could overdose! I could die, Ames! DIE!"
"Peridot, chillax." Amethyst put her hands on her friend's shoulders. "I mean, I've never done it, but you can't overdose. You're gonna feel pretty gone for a few hours, might eat a whole box of Cheez-its, but that's about it."
"Okay…okay…I should probably call the school and let them know I'll be late tomorrow…"
"You'll be fine. Let's get you home."
Peridot looked around, bewildered. "We're out of the house." She put a hand to Amethyt's cheek and smiled before giggling. "Your cheek is soft."
"Uh-huh." Amethyst put an arm around her and they started off toward their cul-de-sac. "I dunno what I'd do without you, Per. You're my bestie, you know."
"You too…I mean, my bestie." She leaned her head on Amethyst's shoulder. "My mom never finds out about this…"
"As long as mine doesn't either." Peridot laughed first and she followed suit. Hard times were definitely easier with a best friend by your side.