Chapter 5

November 2005

Amethyst

Peridot's mother had not been happy when Amethyst had brought her home and Peridot guiltily spilled out that she'd eaten a pot brownie. There was yelling…lots of yelling. To which, Peridot started laughing at the table, causing more yelling…this time from her father.

Peridot's mom had made sure to call Penina and let her know what had happened so that when Amethyst got home, there was more yelling…only from her mother this time.

"Do you know how many kids I see in the hospital who have overdosed on crack?"

Amethyst rolled her eyes. "None, because you work in OB."

"You know how many crack babies I deliver?"

"Mom, it wasn't even crack!"

"You remember when you were in elementary school and you took that anti-drug oath?"

"Oh my God, Mom…"

"Eh? You want to be in more trouble? Leave God out of it!"

Amethyst huffed and leaned back in her seat. "You have no idea what it's like to grow up here. You're from a place where curvy is beautiful. The kids I go to school with don't think that way and tonight was horrible."

Her father, who had been silent up until now, looked at her. "What happened, Peanut?"

She decided to leave out the part about being in the closet with Seth, but everything else she kept the same. "And I just wish I could be like all the other girls and eat what I want without gaining weight and wear cute clothes…"

Her mother sat down, her anger seemingly spent. "You know, Ames, there is a health crisis in this country and you should…"

"Mom, they don't moo at me because they're concerned about my health! I wish I was pretty like Jasper."

Penina scoffed. "Pretty? That girl may have a great body, but she should wear makeup more often…cover that skin of hers. And she needs to let her hair down – she has beautiful hair, but she always has it pulled back and that does nothing for her face."

"Army regulations state that's how she has to wear it," Fetuao reminded her.

"Not when she's not in uniform. She could take it down when she's at parties or dinners. She also needs to cover those muscles. No guy wants to date a girl who's stronger than him. She needs to make the men sit up and take notice."

"Maybe she doesn't want them to right now." Amethyst's father said. "Maybe Jasper wants to live her life a little first. She has plenty of time to get married and settle down if that's what she wants."

How the hell did all their conversations somehow always turn to her sister? It wasn't like she was romantically involved with anyone or had numerous suitors…not any that Amethyst knew about, anyway. Why didn't her parents care if Amethyst had a boyfriend? She'd like one, that's for sure, but no one would so much as look at her, especially not anyone who had been at the party that night.

She retreated upstairs after being told she was grounded for a week. For what? Technically, neither her nor Peridot had done anything wrong! Oh God, what if her mom called Seth's mom? Then her life would be over! She could start thinking about transferring to another school…like a boarding school…in another state!

Amethyst took her costume off and changed into comfortable pajamas with a cupcake print on them. Great, she'd skipped dinner and only had a chocolate mint at the party. Her stomach growled angrily, but after her mom's comment earlier, the last thing she wanted to do was go to the kitchen and eat where she'd come under Penina's disapproving gaze. Pretty sure she had candy in her secret stash, she opened the drawer and pulled out a large bag of gummy bears. They were the good chewy kind in the gold bag and she devoured them ravenously, shoving them by the fistful into her mouth until she crinkled the bag into a ball and tossed it in the trash.

Lying back on the bed, Amethyst placed a hand on her stomach allowing herself to feel satiated for a few moments. God, it felt so good and she wished she could fall asleep, full and comfortable, but memories of the party surfaced and the voices of her classmates moo-ing at her filled her head. Being full meant forever being a cow, so she went to the bathroom, preparing to go to sleep feeling empty.

Jasper

Jasper answered her phone as she settled into her room in the barracks for the night. She rolled her eyes as she heard a familiar voice on the other end. "What is it, Tani?"

Tanielu Faasoo was someone she'd known since childhood and for some reason the entire community seemed to think they would end up together. She'd gone out with him once in senior year and he was pretty boring. They'd had dinner where he'd discussed his interests, which included working out and Star Trek. They'd gone to a movie she didn't remember the name of, much less the plot, and he kept trying to hold her hand. When she finally allowed it, he placed her hand in his lap and she pulled away, excused herself to 'go to the bathroom' and never returned. They'd moved past this disastrous date, but she'd vowed never again. "Hey, Jasper, your mom said you were back. Uh, you wanna do something this weekend?"

She sighed. "Did my mom happen to tell you I'm not interested in you?"

"Oh come on. You know, you and I are about the last people our age out of all our friends and family who aren't married yet."

"Who the hell said anything about marriage?"

"Your mom says to me: 'Tani, you'd be perfect for my daughter' – I assume she means marriage."

"She…she has another daughter, you know."

"Amethyst is fifteen and jail is a thing. Come on, you know, your mom probably wants some grandkids."

Jasper gave an annoyed groan. "How did we get from going out for a burger together to having my mom's grandkids?" She didn't want to think about children. God, if her mom knew about what she'd done, she'd be so disappointed…and angry. Her mom could never know. Neither could her father, for that matter.

"So you want to go out for burgers?"

"Steak – tomorrow, six PM, you're paying."

"And…after?" Tani asked in a suggestive tone.

"Let's just get through dinner first."

Jasper didn't have much to wear on a date, so she paired a denim skirt with her orange tank top. She never used makeup, but made sure her hair was brushed and worn down. As she walked from the barracks to her car, she literally bumped into someone in the parking lot. "Hey, Moritz."

"Where are you headed out of uniform? Hot date?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not that hot."

"I don't think I've ever seen your hair down. It looks nice."

"Thanks."

"Stay warm," Moritz admonished. "It's supposed to be cold tonight."

"I'll keep that in mind." She waved good-night and thought that maybe she should have grabbed a jacket. Nah, she wanted Tani to know what he was not getting tonight. She got into her car and drove the short distance off base to the steakhouse where Tani was waiting for her.

"Wow, Jasper…you look…damn."

"It's nice to see you too. I'm also glad I'm back safe and sound."

"Right…right, of course. How was…uh…Afghanistan?"

"Iraq," she corrected. "Afghanistan was last time."

They went inside and sat down to wait for an open table. Tani put his arm around her. "So, no one over there tickled your fancy? Another soldier? A rich Arab sheik?"

"I don't go over there to find a man, dude." She crossed her arms. "I'm not sure I want to be with someone who's also in the Army."

"That's…that's good."

Great. She'd said the wrong damn thing and felt Tani squeeze her shoulder. They were seated at a table for two and the waiter poured them some water. "Can I bring you something else to drink?"

"I'll have a look at the wine menu and see what would pair best with my steak," Tani told him.

"I'll do a pint of Blue Moon." Jasper gave him her ID when asked. She opened her menu after he left and surveyed the options. "Beer goes with everything."

"Aren't you driving?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Trust me – one beer will not even get me buzzed."

While he ordered a less expensive steak, she chose the ribeye – rare – with a baked potato. "Butter, sour cream and chives."

"And the seasonal vegetables?" The waiter asked.

"That's fine." It was probably going to be broccoli. Funny how broccoli always seemed to be 'in season'. However, when it arrived, it was a generous helping of yellow squash and zucchini, which were cooked with herbs and tasted pretty good.

"I'm impressed, Jasps. Most girls order like a small salad and water."

"Yeah, I work out more than those girls." She picked up a slice of warm bread from the basket on the table.

"So, I heard that you can't move off base until you're married, right?"

"Technically I could, but if I wanted to rent a place I don't get housing allowance or a military house to live in unless I'm married or at a certain rank. I could live with my parents for free, but I'm not going to do that."

"But when you get married, you get money for housing?"

Jasper took a gulp of her beer. "Yep."

"You know, maybe we should give it a whirl."

She stopped in the middle of cutting her steak. "Excuse me?"

"Look, it would benefit you because my job is going quite well – I'm in real estate, you know and I just bought a house, so you get off base and your housing allowance would help with the payments. I mean, I could afford it myself, of course…"

"Okay, Tani, slow down…"

"And kids – you want kids, right?"

"I mean…eventually, but…"

"Look, we're both tall, both attractive, healthy – in shape, you know. We'd make, you know, the ultimate Samoan. You could give birth to the next Rock – you know, The Rock."

Not what she'd had in mind when she'd looked at the man and decided she wanted The Rock inside her. "We don't even know each other."

"We grew up together."

"So did Lacy and I. Maybe I should marry her."

"Wait, you're not a lesbian, are you? Is this a pity date?"

Jasper laughed. "No, I'm not a lesbian and I'm mostly here for the steak." She speared a piece of beef with her fork and popped it in her mouth savoring the juicy flavor.

"Perfect – so we should get married!"

"What a way to propose." She slid the knife across her baked potato watching as melted butter oozed across the plate. "It's a no. Until and unless we know each other better, no."

"So, we should go on another date?"

"Not likely."

"Look, this is probably going to sound like a jerk thing to say, but you're not getting any younger. You wanna have kids in your prime, right?"

Was he for real? She raised an eyebrow. "Actually, according to an article I read in my doctor's office…" The clinic, actually, but he didn't need to know that. "…the ideal time to have children is between twenty-four and thirty. So, I have plenty of years ahead of me for that."

"I see. Can we still have sex at least?"

She plunked her silverware down on the empty plate a little too hard. "Excuse me?"

"I mean…you're really…hot…and I hoped that, you know, since I bought you dinner and all…"

'I don't owe you anything for dinner' she wanted to tell him, but something stopped her. What if she told him no and he didn't listen? What if he followed her to her car and attacked her? No, that was stupid. Tani might be a boring piggish oaf, but he was pretty harmless. And on the other hand…he was very handsome. At some point she was going to have to have sex again. She was going to have to trust someone with her body and hope that it was pleasurable instead of terrifying. If she was going to do it, at least being with someone she knew for many years wasn't a bad idea. She cleared her throat and swallowed the rest of her beer. "You said you have a house?"

"Yeah." Tani's eyes opened in surprise. "Wait? Really?"

Jasper lowered her voice. "I want you to know that I am doing this to also satisfy my own needs and this may count as a pity fuck, got it?"

"I'll take it." He stopped the waiter who passed by and asked for the check.

"I have condoms if you don't." She'd made sure to pick some up at the clinic from the basket where they were offered for free.

"I have some too. Wait, you don't want kids, but you're not on birth control?"

Maybe she should have asked about that at the clinic. "I was on the pill, but I'm shit at remembering to actually take it."

Tani laughed. "Yeah, I try to take a vitamin every day and don't ask me how often I forget."

After he'd paid, they left and Jasper followed him in her car to a suburb of Snowy Mountain where she parked in the driveway of a small yellow house that even in the dark made her wrinkle her nose.

"Yeah," Tani said, unlocking the door. "It's not that great, but I plan to repaint and do some work outside this summer when the weather is nice."

Jasper followed him inside and noticed it was surprisingly nice and cozy. She rubbed the goosebumps off her arms. "It's actually…well, there's not a lot of furniture yet…"

"I'll fix that. There's two bedrooms, of course, once I marry the lucky woman who will become Mrs. Faasoo…" Tani winked at her. "...we'll need a bigger house for all the kids. I'd like five or six."

"Rooms?" she asked hopefully.

"No, Jasps – kids."

"You know, you bring up that subject a lot and just to let you know five or six kids are not coming out of this body – like, two – three, tops. My hoo-ha is not a clown car." Jasper shuddered. Was she really going to do this? God, he was such a fuckboy.

You can't take me in here, get me all riled up and then tell me no.

Shut up, she told his voice in her mind. Yes, she was going to do this. She couldn't say no only to have it ignored again. Besides, this was Tani. He might be annoying, but he wouldn't hurt her…right? Suddenly, she found herself in his arms.

"You still cold?"

"A little."

"Well, one piece of furniture I have is a bed…I'll warm you up."

"Just a hint, Tani – corny lines are not a turn on." Then before he could say anything else, she kissed him gently, making a choice she usually didn't. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it right…she would let Tani have 'the real deal' without complaint. She had to so it would wash away the terror of that night that still clouded her mind.

His hands slid into her tank top, warm and strong on her back. He stroked her skin gently as he deepened the kiss, breaking it to move his lips to her neck. Jasper cried out, fear striking through her for a moment.

"You like that?" Tani whispered before he moved his teeth up, nibbling her earlobe.

She gasped and wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her closer. She hardly remembered ending up in the bedroom as he tugged her tank top off and unhooked her bra…his hands wandering to places she wanted to forget had been violated. She unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it from his body, her fingers exploring his naked skin. "No tattoos?"

"Not yet. I've considered getting the full pe'a, but…"

The traditional male tattoo covered the body from waist to knees in an intricate design. It took weeks or months to finish and was painful…and expensive. "I understand."

"And you?"

"No…not yet…maybe not ever."

Her skirt was now on the floor and Tani ran his hands along her powerful thighs. "Damn…you don't skip leg day, do you? They would look nice decorated."

Jasper recalled seeing the feminine tattoos on her mother's upper legs – a much more delicate design than the pe'a. "I don't know. I think about it, but it's so final."

"You're beautiful anyway."

"I think that's the sincerest compliment I've heard all night." Jasper pulled him close and nipped his ear with her teeth. "Now fuck me."

Tani wasn't horrible at it, but he was definitely confident for a guy with average equipment. "Yeah, I'm gonna destroy that pussy!"

Not with three and a half inches you're not, she thought. Jasper made a face as his thumb rubbed aimlessly around her nether regions, hardly grazing what he was searching for. He worked it against some random spot on her labia. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or get angry. It's not a goddamn Rubix cube!

She thought about asking him to stop, but what if he didn't? What if she faced violation all over again? In a moment, it didn't matter because he moved his hand to her breast and squeezed like one might do with a grapefruit at the store. He pumped away at her and she couldn't wait for him to finish.

And he did. Finally, he moaned loudly, threw his head back and shouted: "Fuck yeah!" Then he rolled over, catching his breath. "It was good for you, right?"

She couldn't tell him the truth – that would be kind of mean, but she also couldn't lie. "It was every bit as good as I expected." She hadn't expected much.

"Awesome…" Tani exhaled as he sank back into the pillow. "I usually conk out after this. You're good to show yourself out, right?"

"Yeah." Jasper slid out of bed and gathered her clothes, quickly pulling them on…except… "Where the fuck is my underwear?"

"Uhh…I dunno…I flung them somewhere. If I find them, I'll give 'em back. Unless you want me to keep 'em, you know, as a memento." He winked.

"Knock yourself out." Jasper quickly retreated from the house. A cold wind blew up her skirt as she got into the car. As she started the engine, she realized she wasn't ready to go back to base. She also didn't really want to go to her parents' place. Instead, she headed out of the suburbs and drove to see the one person she could count on.

Lacy answered at the second knock. "Jasper, what are…"

Jasper walked into the tiny entryway before she could finish. "I did something dumb. I slept with Tani – I think I mentioned him before."

"Well, yeah, but…"

"I slept with him – that is, I fucked him. I don't know why. I just did and he wants to keep my panties as a 'memento', so now I'm not wearing underwear…"

"Uh…" Lacy's gaze shifted toward the living room.

Oh no…Jasper looked over and saw a man about their age with dark hair and casual clothes sitting on the couch. He had to be her fiancé. "Goddamn it!"

He chuckled and rose from the couch, approaching and extending his hand. "You must be Jasper. I'm Carlos. Lacy talks about you a lot."

Heat burned in her cheeks as she shook his hand. What was she supposed to say? That it was nice to meet him? This man she didn't even know had just heard her say she'd had sex and wasn't wearing anything under her skirt! "Hey."

They all sat in the living room for a while, making small talk, which Jasper was not fond of and it seemed Carlos was a good fit for her friend. He was lively and funny and had his arm around Lacy the entire time. When they said goodnight, he kissed the uneven tip of her nose and rubbed her belly. "Don't stay up too late. You need rest."

"I won't. I love you."

Carlos kissed her. "I love you too."

After he'd left, she joined Jasper on the couch. A gentle smile came to her lips. "I know I haven't known him long, but I really do love him."

"I can tell."

"You'll find someone, you will. Maybe Tani." Lacy laughed when Jasper made a face. "Maybe not."

"I am putting my military career before my love life, that's for sure." Jasper sighed. "Lace, when you first had sex after…everything…was it hard?"

"Oh, he was very hard." She laughed lightly, but it died out quickly. "It was difficult, yes, a little, but I had to remember that the person I was with was not my stepfather and that I wasn't being forced into anything. I was there because I wanted to be. I trusted my boyfriend at the time and I knew I was there of my own choice."

"When I did it with Tani it…it just felt so empty. It was like I didn't want to be there…like part of me wasn't…and I wanted to tell him no, but I was too afraid of what would happen if he didn't listen."

"That's a valid fear and one I had, too, but it boils down to trust."

"I just want it to feel good again – you know, physically."

"It will. You have to remember that I'd been in counseling for months before I did it. I think you would benefit from that."

Jasper scoffed. "I can't sit on some fucking couch and talk about my feelings."

"Isn't that what you're doing now?"

"That's different – you're my friend. I trust you and I was with you through all that shit and you know I would have turned the rat in if you'd told me what was going on."

"Yeah, but then I might have lost all my hard-earned money, not just the fifty-grand my mother stole from me. Oh, the court finally managed to start garnishing her wages so I can get that back."

"Good, she fucking deserves it."

Lacy sipped her water and shook her head. "That bitch. Sent a message through her lawyer that basically said I have enough money since the government paid for my medical care and didn't I ruin their lives enough because Rick is still in jail and she had to divorce him so they didn't tap his assets. You know, maybe the Army covered the immediate aftermath of my injuries, but I'll need replacement eye and leg prosthetics for life and possibly more surgeries to fix my face better. I have VA benefits, but they don't cover everything."

"Your mom still doesn't believe anything happened?"

"Oh, I'm sure she knows it did. She's just denied it at first so she could hang onto the good life, but then when they threatened to take my stepdad's money, she had to divorce him so they didn't share anything. Now she has a secretarial job and when he gets out, good luck finding anything as a registered sex offender. So, she's bitter."

"Poor Maggie and Rick – you ruined their lives, not the other way around."

She gave a laugh. "Right, there's evidence – what does she think happened? Did Rick jizz on the couch, snip his pubes and then I sat in it while naked? Because that would be the only other explanation for the DNA they found."

"You seem pretty well adjusted considering."

Lacy shrugged. "It took a long time, but in the end it was something that happened to me. It doesn't define me and they don't have power over me anymore. I'm happy and they can't take that from me."

"What does your sister think?"

"Holly believes me. She never liked Rick – said he never touched her, but always made her uncomfortable. However, she says Mom is her mom and they still have a relationship. I can't stop her, but I told her I don't want Mom knowing anything about me."

"I want to go out and get blitzed and forget."

"Well, you're not going to forget, but if you need a DD, I'll go out with you and dance and down some virgin drinks."

"Tomorrow night?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Jasper went to see her parents the following day and have lunch with them before going shopping with Lacy. "Is it okay if I crash in my room here tonight? Lacy and I are going out drinking – well, I'm going to be drinking and I'd rather not have the hassle of her trying to get me back on base."

"You know our door is always open for you, Baby Girl," her father told her. "Just don't drink too much, okay?"

"No worries. I'm meeting up with her to go shopping because I have hardly anything for going out."

"Oh, I have just the thing; it'll look perfect on you." Penina retreated upstairs.

"I swear if it's some wrap skirt thing she made back in Nineteen-Seventy-whenever…" Jasper blew on a spoonful of soup to cool it down before eating it. It was a creamy chicken with vegetables and some kind of dumplings in it and filled her with warmth as rain pattered against the window.

"Purple bell bottoms," Amethyst reminded her.

"We don't need to go back to my fashion mistakes, thank you."

Fetuao chuckled. "You kids with your pants sagging halfway down your ass cracks…"

"I never did that!" Jasper protested.

"I remember the Pepsi generation – I wanted to call you guys the poopy generation because it looked like you took a dump in your pants!" He let out a hearty laugh.

"Gross, Dad, we're eating," Amethyst reminded him.

"Yeah, and again…they may have been twenty years past their time, but my pants always fit," Jasper said. She looked over as her mom returned and handed her something made with purple and black fabric. She unfolded the shirt and held it up to her. It was mostly purple with a black mesh material at the top. "I may not be able to wear a bra with this."

"Mom! That's my…"

"It's okay." Penina cut Amethyst off without looking at her. "Your boobs are still perky enough."

Fetuao cleared his throat. "So, how about those Seahawks…"

Jasper roared with laughter. "They're losing – sportscast over!"

Amethyst threw her spoon on the table, scraped her chair against the floor and stormed off up the stairs.

"What's wrong with her?" Jasper asked.

"Eh, I told her she couldn't wear this – she's too young for a shirt like that. Plus have you seen her boobs? Like big watermelons – twenty pounds each." Penina held her hands out from her own ample chest.

"Yeah, mystery where she gets it."

"And before we know it baseball season will be upon us…" her father interjected.

"Yeah, well, let's hope their diva player can stop posing long enough to actually hit the ball." Jasper stirred her soup and stayed fairly quiet throughout lunch. However, afterwards, she went upstairs with the shirt and knocked on Amethyst's door. There was no answer and she was about to knock again when she heard the toilet flush. She waited a moment before her sister came out of the bathroom sniffling and wiping her eye with her finger. All this over a shirt? "You okay?"

"Mom's a bitch."

Wow…that was a bit far. However, Jasper knew the last thing she needed right now was a lecture. "Look, you can have your shirt back, I mean…"

"No – keep it! You have the perfect body and I don't! But I'm working on it and soon I'll be pretty and I'll show Mom!"

Jasper took the opportunity to really look at Amethyst. Her face was still round and her boobs were rather large, but it looked as if she'd slimmed up in the waist a bit since Jasper has last seen her. "I'm glad you're doing something good for yourself and working on your health."

"I mean…I'm doing what you're doing."

She chuckled lightly. "I doubt you're working out as much as I am, but whatever you are doing, keep it up. From what I can see, it's working."

Amethyst's brown eyes lit up and she finally smiled. "Really?"

"Here, take this back," Jasper handed her the shirt. "I'm sure you'll fit it soon enough. And don't worry about being pretty – you already are."

"Thanks, sis." Amethyst took her shirt and headed back into her room.

Their favorite club was busy that night, which Jasper liked because she could get lost in the crowd, the music drowning out any echoes of McCoy's voice or the sharp explosions of guns and bombs from her mind. There was only her, Lacy, two double whiskeys and her body moving to the music. A man grabbed her, his body close to her, grinding against her ass. She responded, moving against him, feeling him harden against her. He leaned in, startling her. "Let's take this elsewhere."

"Okay," she agreed. It wasn't even a question in her mind. Her experience with Tani had been nothing short of disastrous and she needed something to wash away the horrific dream she'd experienced. She went with him to the alley behind the club and started undoing his pants, sliding her hand inside, along his ready cock. "What do you want?"

"Your mouth…oh God…yeah…"

Jasper sank to her knees and gave a slow lick up his shaft before taking him into her mouth. She hardly heard the man moaning, hardly felt his fingers in her hair as she did it. Before she knew it, she was up against the wall and he was pounding into her. Her head swam with whiskey and her body tingled with pleasure. Heat welled in her core as he moved and her muscles clenched around him. Her climax shook through her and she cried out finishing as he did.

It still left her empty though, once he had gone and she stood there in the chill of night wondering why she had done that. Her eyes fell on the used condom he'd discarded. It kept her mind silent for a moment, but only a moment and now it was back. All her thoughts about the dream – the humiliation of it all came flooding into her mind. Following on those thoughts was that of the night Ruby had died…of all the people she'd lost…of guns, bombs that wouldn't stop…wouldn't shut up.

She exhaled a visible cloud before heading into the club. Perhaps another double whiskey was exactly what she needed.