"But Sadie, wasn't this chapter in Twice in a Lifetime?"
Yes and no. There are some parts that have been recycled from that story - once I get to editing that, the chapter in question will be shorter and from another character's POV whereas here I've edited it to show Jasper's POV - there are also some added things here and some of Ames' story. :)
I'm off to Beach City Con this weekend - if you are going, I'm co-hosting a panel Saturday night (10/13) about writing adult fanfiction.
Chapter 6 - Quiet
November 2005
Jasper
"It's hard to talk and get to know each other when we have to eat so quickly, isn't it?" Matt asked.
Jasper simply nodded and shoveled a scoop of potatoes in her mouth.
"I hear it doesn't snow much, despite being called Snowy Mountain."
She washed her food down with a gulp of water. "Nope and if it does then everything shuts down and people quickly forget how to drive."
"I was stationed in Germany before this, so we got snow. Doesn't snow in Pago Pago, of course, so it was interesting to see it."
"Must be good beer in Germany."
"There is that. So, when was the last time you visited home?"
"Home? I saw my parents a couple weekends ago." She took another bite.
"No, I mean, Pago Pago."
Jasper lowered her utensils. "That's where my dad is from. My home is here – this is where I was born and where I grew up." She cut through her piece of chicken, which was tasteless and dry, but it was still food. "I've never been."
"Wait, you've never been – like to the capital or to American Samoa at all?"
"At all. I haven't been to Western Samoa either."
"Your parents never went back?"
Jasper sighed. "My dad went by himself when my grandparents died, but my mom never did. I'm a little surprised because she always talks about how beautiful it is, but never about taking a vacation there. I guess it does cost a lot."
"I thought to fly back for Thanksgiving, but I'll be spending it here. I assume the mess hall serves up a good meal."
"Heh, it's okay." Invite him to dinner, her inner voice told her. No, she argued herself. I don't know him well enough. But…her father knew his father. Right, because that was a reason to invite a practical stranger to… "Would you like to have dinner with my family?" The fuck did I just do?
"That would be great."
"I hope that wasn't weird. I mean, there's a huge Samoan community here, so we get together at the church function hall – it's huge and there's food and lots of people and, I dunno, I just thought it would remind you of home when you're so far away."
Matt smiled. "Sounds like an awesome fia fia. Can I bring anything?"
"No, that won't be necessary. My mom and aunties will make enough food to feed an army." Jasper looked around. "No pun intended."
There was a scramble of activity as lunch was over and they had to return to work. Matt stood and picked up his tray at the same time as Jasper. "Thursday then."
"Yeah." Once he had turned and started walking off, she sighed. What the fuck had she just done?
Jasper looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. There was a crack running the length of it right across her face as though the glass knew how broken she was. Music from the club dully penetrated through the door but even it could not drown out the chaos in her mind. She soaked a paper towel in water and wiped her face, taking off the remains of the lipstick she'd carefully applied earlier at Lacy's house. Only half of it remained anyway – the other half was smeared on the dick of the guy she just blew in the alley behind the club.
She hadn't even gotten his name.
Does that make you feel better? her mind asked.
It really didn't. She wiped her chin removing the stickiness. She'd told him she didn't swallow, but never expected him to pull out and get it all over her. Truthfully, she'd never done this before. Well, she had the last three weekends, but nothing helped. Nothing made her feel less empty or silenced the turbulence in her mind. But here she was spending another Saturday night getting drunk and laid.
The door opened, loud music assaulting her ears before it closed and she realized Lacy had walked in. "Where have you been?"
"Nowhere special." Jasper cupped her hand under the faucet and rinsed her mouth out. The water tasted nasty as though the pipes were rusty. "I need a drink."
That was probably the last thing she needed, but she didn't have duty tomorrow, so why not drink until it silenced her troubled mind once and for all? She ran her fingers through her long, dark brown hair streaked with gold, still able to feel the mystery man's hands on the side of her head. You deserve to have cum shot in your face, you goddamn slut, she told herself.
"Jasper, are you sure you're okay?" Lacy asked.
"I'll be fine. I just want to drink until I can't feel feelings."
"Are you sure that's wise? You've been through a lot lately."
"Didn't you ever want to get shitfaced when you got back?"
Lacy surveyed her face in the mirror as she fixed her hair. She ran a finger along one of the scars on her cheek. "Trust me, I did, but they wouldn't let me have it in the hospital and by the time I got out, therapy had helped me a lot more than a stiff drink ever would. I think maybe you should consider that instead."
"I think I'd rather consider a glass of whiskey in my hand." She stepped out into the noisy club, Lacy following behind, and sauntered up to the bar ordering a double shot of whiskey.
"Chaser?" the bartender asked.
"No."
She accepted the drink and downed half of it in one gulp, hardly feeling the burn. Turning her attention to the stage, she focused on the lead singer of the band performing that night. He was kind of cute in his own way, though his hair was longer than hers. He wore jeans and a black shirt with a star on it, though she doubted his music would ever launch him to star status.
But the moment that I hit the stage, thousands of voices are calling my name…
Jasper gazed around the club at the maybe fifty people who had come to see him that night. Although this was not the most popular club in town, Jasper and Lacy liked it because the bartender made strong drinks, there was room to dance, and they could usually hear themselves talk. Truthfully, though, she'd love to just listen to music that left her ears ringing because maybe it would silence the constant chaos in her head.
This life I chose isn't easy but sure is one heck of a ride
You and me both, dude, Jasper thought, swallowing the rest of her drink. However, if she was actually going to get drunk and hook up tonight, at least he was a good prospect.
When they were between sets, she noticed him at the bar and confidently approached, slapping down money on the counter and ordering another double whiskey, taking a sip before turning to him. "Hey, I like your music."
"Thanks."
She downed the rest of her drink in one gulp. "So, this might seem incredibly forward, but do you want to find someplace a little more private?"
He raised an eyebrow. "What? I don't even know your name!"
"It's Jasper."
"Greg." He shook her hand.
"So…about that offer I made…"
"Yeah, about that...I don't get paid until tomorrow after the gig…"
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not a prostitute; I'm just looking for a fun time."
Greg grinned, chugged his drink and took her hand. "There should be a couple places backstage."
They made their way through the door to the area behind the stage. Greg took her to a spot where they would be somewhat obscured by boxes and amps and he immediately tried to kiss her, but she put a hand up. "Sorry, I don't allow that. I like to get right to it."
Greg smiled stupidly as her hands undid his pants and slid his cock out, softly rubbing it, causing it to stiffen and grow. He reached out for her breast, but she pushed his hand away. She kept her gaze on the wall. Was this all worthless? Was she worthless? Was anything going to erase that horrible night? His moan distracted her when she cupped his balls, gently massaging them. "Oh God…yes…"
She shifted positions, grinding against him and covering his member with her slickness. He grabbed her hips and she didn't protest. Instead, she let him guide her until she slowly enveloped his cock within her wet walls. She put a hand on the wall behind them to steady herself and breathed heavily as her speed increased and Greg moved against her in sync. She hadn't even worn panties…what a slut move. This is what she was good for…this was it. Sex would never hold joy for her again. His fingers dug into her flesh as he held still below her and gasped. She stopped, sensing his completion. "You're done?"
"I-I'm sure I could go again…"
Jasper stood and moved away from the boxes and amps. She ran her fingers through her hair. "It's okay."
"But…"
"Greg, there you are!" A skinny, rat-faced man with spiky hair marched up to them and quickly turned his attention to the wall when he saw Greg's pants open. "Damn it, Universe! Zip up and get back on stage!"
She was fucked up in the head. She knew it as she raced back to the bathroom. Why had she done that?
Did it make you feel any better, Jasper?
She'd give anything for sex to feel fun again…to feel like a normal thing she should be doing…should be enjoying. Once again locked in a stall, she tried her best to wipe away the sticky shame leaking out of her.
You didn't even use protection. You dirty whore.
Whores got paid. She was giving it out for free…to anyone who would have her...waiting for the day when it brought her any kind of joy again. It could be physically pleasing in the moment, temporarily silencing her mind. The thoughts returned though when she'd finished with Greg and looked up to see the man she'd been with in the alley not two hours ago…his manager, she gathered. Morty…or something.
What if you have to face them again…those people at the clinic…
God, she was going to have to go get Plan B. She could already feel their judgment on her. The same nurses and doctor who had seemed so concerned, who had helped her through one of the worst procedures she'd ever been through. Guilt still consumed her. She imagined walking in there again. She imagined the look the doctor would give her as if to say: aren't you the slut who just had an abortion?
It was a dream! It was a dream!
You don't feel dreams, idiot.
Rage built in her as that night bubbled to the forefront of her mind and she covered her eyes with her hands. No, I don't want to remember that!
She punched the stall door – denting it and breaking the lock. Standing at the sink, she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror. She wanted to scream, to punch something else...
Trash, her mind spat at her. Whore!
Jasper put her hands on the sides of her head. "Shut up!"
Filthy garbage!
Her rage building, she needed to silence this. She couldn't take it anymore. "I am not trash!"
Dishing it out…isn't that what he said…how many have there been? Look at yourself, you worthless slut!
Jasper's knuckles turned white as she gripped the edge of the sink. "I am not…"
She caught her own eye in the mirror before drawing her fist back and punching it, sending cracks spreading across the glass, feeling the hot pain of sharpness digging into her flesh. There, now her reflection was as broken as she felt inside. She fished out the pieces of glass and tossed them in the sink before walking out, not caring that she was bleeding. It made her feel alive…at least she was feeling something besides her inner torment. Jasper slapped a twenty on the bar counter. "Double whiskey."
"Are you sure?" the bartender asked. "You've had three and no water."
"I'm good. I'm not driving."
"Alright, but I'm cutting you off after this one."
Crap, she'd have to get Lacy to buy her more booze. She thought perhaps she should nurse this drink, make it last…but instead she swallowed it in a few gulps before slamming the glass back down on the counter. She was so gone, the burn didn't even register. Jasper found her friend on the dance floor and began moving to the music.
"Jasper!"
"What?"
"What happened to your hand?"
"Huh?" She held up her hand, seeing it dripping red, blurring before her eyes and hardly remembered anymore how it happened. The booze was doing its job, quieting down her mind, though she doubted anything could silence it completely.
Lacy shook her head as though appalled and grabbed Jasper's uninjured hand, leading her into the bathroom. "What the hell?"
Jasper looked around, noticing the stall lock on the floor and the broken mirror with smears of blood still on it. Her legs felt wobbly and her hands tingly almost to the point of being numb.
"I can't believe this," Lacy muttered, wetting a paper towel and wiping the blood from Jasper's hand. "This is getting out of control."
"I…justcan…Mtrash…" Great, she was having trouble even communicating. Jasper swallowed a few times. "Where are we?"
"In the bathroom where you just injured yourself having a tantrum."
"Wasn'ta…tantrum…mind…"
Lacy took a deep breath and sighed heavily, holding the wet paper over a cut that wouldn't stop bleeding. "Look, Jasper, you've been through a lot, I know and I'm sympathetic to that. I wanted to try and help you out by…I don't know, having some fun, but your behavior is destructive and I can't enable it anymore."
"What?"
"You need therapy, not drinking every weekend until you're shitfaced, not sleeping around with random guys, not punching mirrors and stupid shit like that." Lacy threw the paper towel away. "You're my best friend and I've been over there and I know what it's like…"
"Guns in my head…bombs…won'tshutup…" Jasper put a hand to her forehead, raking it through her hair, stopping to clench it between her fingers tightly.
"I know. It was like that for me too, but you need counseling, not booze, not sex…especially not after what happened to you."
Lacy was the only person who knew and right now, Jasper wished she'd never said anything. "Wanna forget…"
"Well, that's not going to happen."
She looked around, her face feeling fuzzy, the tiles spinning on the walls. "We're in the bathroom…"
"How far gone are you?" Her friend took a cell phone from her purse. "I'm calling us a cab. You can't show up at the barracks like that so stay at my place."
"Need more drink."
"No, that is the last thing you need."
"Please…one more."
"No."
"Fine, you know what…fuck you!" Jasper stood up, struggling to stand as she staggered backwards. "I'm gonna back out."
"Jasper!"
"Don't follow me."
Lacy gave an exasperated sound. "Fine, but I'm done watching you destroy yourself." She shoved a twenty into Jasper's hand. "Get to your parents safely and explain to them why you're so trashed."
"I am not trash!"
"I didn't say…"
"I'm not! You're a bitch!" Jasper threw the money back at her and stormed off, kicking open the back door and stumbling out into the alley behind the club.
The man from before – Morty or something – was back there taking a leak. He looked her up and down. "You back for more?"
"Leave me alone."
He chuckled, zipping up his pants and heading back into the club. Jasper wasn't exactly sure what she should do, but if she headed to the street, she should be able to find a taxi. Walking, she thought, okay…I can do this.
Two wobbly steps was all she managed before her foot hit something and she stumbled, hitting her head on the side of a trash can with a metallic clang and felt herself fall onto something soft before the world went dark.
Her eyes fluttered open, her head pounding as she focused on the young man who had shaken her awake. It was that musician and he had said something. "Huh?"
"Are you okay? Do you need help?"
Groggily, she looked around…she was laying on trash bags by some silver cans. "Heh…ended up where I belong…" She accepted his hand and stood, finding herself with much more balance. "Thanks buddy…I mean…Greg, right?"
He nodded. "And your name is Jasper?"
"You remembered?" She asked. "Wow…most men just fuck and leave…"
"Well, I'm not most men. Do you want to step into my van and clean up a little, or rest?"
"Your van?"
"That's where I live. It's not much, but it's home."
Home…she didn't really have one of those anymore. Well, there was her parents' house but she couldn't show up at…blurry-eyed she checked her phone…almost two AM only to wake up Sunday morning with a roaring hangover. She could almost hear her mother now: 'What kind of example are you setting for your sister?' Jasper looked at the van and decided that was a better option than trying to get a cab. "Yeah, okay."
They crawled in the back and Jasper sat on the mattress and unstrapped her sandals. "You sure it's cool if I crash here?"
"I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't." Greg took a seat next to her.
Of course. That made sense. Why hadn't she thought of that? "Sorry, I'm still a little…tipsy."
"What happened to you tonight? Your hand and your head." Greg gingerly touched the bruise on her forehead with his fingers.
"It's a long story. I got mad at my friend and yelled at her…I don't even remember what it was about…I don't know why the fuck I do this to myself."
"What?"
"This! Just…getting drunk and getting laid…and it doesn't help…" Jasper lay down, resting her hands on her stomach. "It just makes me feel worse in the end. Like I'm worthless…like I'm nothing…"
"Now, that can't be true. I mean…"
He continued, but exhaustion crept into her bones and she closed her eyes. Her weary mind transported her back to the battlefield, surrounded by sand and gunshots and screams. She remembered seeing Ruby fall…she remembered hearing the bomb nearby that knocked her over with a loud pop that came from outside her dream. Jasper's eyes flew open and she sat straight up, shouting: "…under attack!" Her breathing was heavy as she looked around bewildered. Where the hell was she?
"Jasper, you're fine…you're okay." Greg gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "It was a dream."
"It won't leave me alone…every day…every night…in my dreams…" Why was she telling him this? It was something she hadn't told anyone but Lacy and here she was spewing her feelings to a man she didn't even know.
"The war?"
She didn't even question how he knew. She'd probably told him when she was wasted. She was feeling much more sober now, though her mouth was dry. As if sensing this, he handed her a bottle of water. "Thanks," she said before chugging it. "Yeah…the goddamn war."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Jasper really didn't. What good was there in talking? She wanted to forget…to distract herself so she didn't have to think about it. "No, I just want it to stop…I want the constant noise in my head to stop. I just want to do something to shut it up…to think about anything else. That's why I go out and do this shit."
Greg put his arm around her as the blanket slid down. "You mean like earlier? Sorry I finished so fast."
"Whatever – not the first time."
"Look, I don't know exactly how to help you."
Jasper gave a laugh that threatened to turn into a sob. "I probably need a straightjacket and a padded room."
"I don't think you're that far gone…but I do think you need more help than I can give tonight." He ran his fingers over the goosebumps on her arm. "Cold?"
"I'm okay."
"Because I have another…"
"I'm fine," she insisted. "Don't waste your time on a piece of trash like me."
He was silent for a few moments before answering in a compassionate tone. "You are not trash. You're a person who deserves to be loved and who deserves to love herself."
She turned to him briefly then looked away. He didn't even know her, but he thought she was deserving of love? Would he still think that if he knew everything about her? "It's been a long time since anyone has treated me with any kind of love. I'm just good for a quick fuck and that's it. Then they toss me to the side the same way they would a broken toy."
"That's not what I did, is it?"
"No, you came too fast and then that guy showed up and I ran off like a coward."
Greg slid his hand to her lower back. "Can I…make that up to you? I promise I won't just do it and toss you aside."
"Whatever, sure."
"Jasper, if we're going to do this, I need a yes or no. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want." He shifted position and put his hand to her cheek, turning her head until their eyes met. It was oddly intimate as she rarely looked into the eyes of the men she slept with. "I'm not just going to fuck you and tell you to get out, nor am I going to let you run off. I'm going to make love to you."
"Don't call it that," she scoffed, breaking eye contact. "We're not in love."
He nodded, reaching down and squeezing her hand. "I want to have sex with you, slowly and gently so it's nice for you too. Is that okay?"
Jasper had gone too long without the joys of that kind of sex – the kind where she abandoned all her inhibitions and allowed anything and everything…the kind where she trusted completely. It might feel good and distract her for a little while. "Yes."
Greg's lips grazed hers softly. She didn't give her kisses to just anyone and she was about to push him away and go through her list of rules. Trust…her mind told her. It was the first sound advice she'd given herself all evening. Slowly, she gave in, parting her lips, feeling his tongue edging its way into her mouth and hers responding in turn…playing, teasing, encouraging. His arms slipped around her and Jasper pulled him close, savoring the feeling of his hands, warm and comforting, on her back. How long had it been since anyone held her?
He broke the kiss, his mouth traveling to her cheek, her jawline, slowly down her neck, causing a tingling in her spine that quickly traveled other places. Jasper's fingers clenched Greg's shirt as she gasped, feeling the sharpness of his teeth nibbling her skin. His hands pulled at her shirt, skillfully finding their way inside and unhooking her bra. She sighed, feeling the confining garment releasing its hold on her. She ached for the sensation of his skin on hers after forbidding so many men from having full pleasure with her.
Greg swung his leg around so he was straddling hers and sat back, putting a hand to her cheek. In the dim light, he allowed his fingers to travel down the side of her face, his thumb tracing the outline of her full lips before he leaned in and kissed her again. He popped open the button at the top of her skirt and slowly pulled the zipper open so he could slide them down her legs and toss them on top of her other clothes.
Jasper felt her cheeks flush. She should have worn underwear…even a thong would have been classier than nothing. "I'm sorry…I'm kind of a…slut…"
Greg pressed his fingers gently to her cheek again. "No talk like that…not tonight."
His lips explored her neck and she leaned her head back to give him better access as she drew in a breath. Electricity crackled from the places he was touching and she completely lay back, relaxing under him. I am safe, she reminded herself. He's not going to hurt me. Her fingers caught the fabric of his shirt again and she tugged it off. He pulled back, quickly discarding the rest of his clothes and pressed himself close to her, kissing her softly. She melted into him, giving into the kisses…savoring the tingling in her skin as his hands explored her body. Her fingers trailed down his back, across his soft hair and she gasped, arching her back as he slid into her.
Her eyes fell on his guitar propped up against the van wall. This act was a grand thing that ensnared the senses…a symphony…as instruments began to play delicate notes that left the listener wondering exactly where this was going and how it would end. It conjured up all thoughts of love and beauty. The music began to build and swell toward something they both knew was exciting and wonderful, and on another level, deliciously terrifying. Fingers played faster sending frenzied notes into the air. Finally, the symphony exploded with a crescendo encompassing every kind of ecstasy and joy and unbridled passion known to man. Then just as soon as that seemed like the end of this musical journey, a few small notes, the last bits of pleasure and love floated up into the air hovering there for a moment or two before dissipating and leaving two people laying close to each other, trembling fingers intertwined, still reeling at this intense, intimate joining of their bodies and souls.
Fear entered her for a moment, but was quickly swept away as he kissed her forehead. They were still breathing heavily and she leaned her head back and heaved a pleased sigh, moaning slightly. Her heart thudded in her chest and she was overwhelmed with the realization that this was what she'd wanted sex to be all along. Not just fun and enjoyable – but something that brought two people together and connected them. Jasper reflected on how she'd been living her life the past few weeks and on how hurt she was. Alcohol and random sex was not going to fix this ache inside her…it wouldn't fix anything, but only make her feel more empty.
She knew tomorrow they would part ways and she'd probably never see him again, but tonight he'd given her tenderness she'd needed. He'd made her feel wanted and beautiful and deserving of love…of help. Tomorrow, she'd go to Lacy, apologize and ask her assistance in getting therapy to finally move on from her trauma. However, in that moment, as Greg held her and exhaustion crept into her bones, she realized that at least for now…at least for tonight…her mind was finally quiet.
Knocking on Lacy's door the next morning was difficult and she worried as it took a moment that her friend had looked through the keyhole and decided not to speak to her. However, the door opened and she faced Lacy who balanced on crutches, perhaps not having had time to put on her prosthetic. "Sorry…I know it's early."
"Come in." Lacy turned and hobbled the short distance to the living room where she sat down, letting out a sigh.
"I am really sorry," Jasper said as she took a seat. "I don't remember too much of what I said, but I know it wasn't…"
"A bitch. You called me a bitch because I tried to help you."
"Yeah, I shouldn't have done that."
"You're my best friend, Jasper, and I care about you. If you are willing to get counseling and do what you have to in order to really heal, I will be there for you and help you every step of the way, but if not then I can't do it. You're on a path that can only end in disaster and I can't watch you destroy yourself."
"I've always been strong and never needed help…"
"If you're refusing help, then go."
"I'm not." Jasper choked down the lump in her throat and blinked to stop the tears before they started. "It's hard for me to admit I need it, but I do. I can't do this by myself."
Lacy turned and plucked a card off the small table by the couch. She handed it to Jasper. "I saw this guy after everything that happened with my stepfather and after I was injured. He's good and he's non-judgmental."
"I can't talk to a guy about all this."
"Trust me, he's heard it before and he can help. Sometimes it's just a matter of having someone to talk to who isn't going to judge you – to let those feelings out in a safe environment. Of course, you can always do that here, but he actually knows how to help you. All I can do is listen."
Jasper ran her finger along the edge of the card. "Thank you, Lacy. I'll call tomorrow."
Amethyst
Before she was ever out of bed, the house smelled delicious and she lingered under the warm comforter for a few moments before she got up…mostly because she had to pee. After she'd done that, she headed to the kitchen where her mom was sliding a pie out of the oven. "Anything I can do to help?"
"You want to peel potatoes."
"Not really…"
"Great." Penina shoved a peeler in Amethyst's hand. "And get dressed before Jasper comes over. Remember, we're meeting her boyfriend…"
"She has a boyfriend?" Amethyst asked.
"She never said 'boyfriend'!" Her father called from the living room.
"Well, why else would she bring him to dinner?"
"Because he likes to eat?" Amethyst ventured as she got started on peeling a mound of potatoes. "Hey, can I try something a little different with the mashed potatoes?"
"As long as it's nothing crazy," her mother said. "The coconut milk is in the pantry."
Amethyst was not using coconut milk. Rather, by the time she was ready to mash the potatoes, she dumped two containers of sour cream and two sticks of soft butter to the large pot. Then she sprinkled two packets of ranch seasoning into the potatoes and mixed everything up. She took a small taste and let out a satisfied: "Mmmmm. Hey, Mom, try it."
Her mother tried a spoonful and was silent for a moment as she judged it. "If you don't make this every year, I'll be very disappointed."
"Really? You think it's good?"
"Yes. You know, I could use some help in the kitchen. Jasper never wanted to learn to cook and now that she might be getting married, she should learn…"
"She actually never said they were…"
"I can make sure you're prepared for your future."
"My future includes college and a lot of other things before I get married."
"Like what other things?"
Amethyst shrugged. "Backpacking across Europe maybe."
"With your wardrobe…better be a big backpack." Penina turned back to the green bean casserole she was putting together. "Now get out of those pajamas. Jasper will be here at any time."
Amethyst was just finishing up putting some eye makeup on when the doorbell rang. She fluffed up her hair a bit, brushing some of it over one eye. She made a hand gesture in the mirror with her thumb and pinky extended and stuck out her tongue like she was in some rock band. "Wazzup!"
God, she was a dork. At least she looked good. She wore the top Jasper had given back to her and while her boobs, held in place with a black bra, strained it and she did have some rolls, her waist had definitely gone down in the last six weeks or so.
"Amethyst!" her mom called up the stairs.
She stuck out her tongue again. Maybe she should pierce it. Oh, her mom would hate that. She made her way down the steps and to the living room.
"How is Josh doing?" her dad was asking the young man seated next to Jasper.
"My dad? He's doing well. He actually works at the recruiting office, so it was pretty obvious where I was going to end up." He turned his head toward her and gave a friendly smile. "You must be Amethyst. Is that okay, or do you have a nickname?"
"Sometimes people call me Ames, but Amethyst is cool too." She shook his hand.
"Mataio Matua, but I go by Matt."
After all her talk about not dating within the community anymore, her sister had actually brought home, not just someone of Samoan descent, but a man actually from the islands. What if they got married? What if she moved there? If her parents hadn't ever gone back what were the chances the family would go there to see her?
"So, how long have you two been dating?" Penina asked.
"About two days short of never," Jasper told her. "We're just friends."
"Your father and I started out as friends, too." Her mother winked at her. "And you know, I got married at twenty-four and that's only a year away for you."
"I have things I want to do before I get married, Mom."
"What? Backpack Europe like your sister?" Penina glanced at Ames and her eyes widened. "What are you wearing?! I can see your bra!"
"It matches and this is…"
"I gave that shirt to Jasper for a reason. Look at you!" Her mom pointed at her chest. "You're spilling out of your bra – you got four boobs! Go upstairs and put a sweater on."
"Yeah, because Jasper doesn't also have huge knockers…" Amethyst muttered as she left the living room and trudged upstairs. Okay, she did, but they were the 'right kind' of huge. Jasper's body was fit and toned and her boobs were round like perky grapefruits, not watermelons. Who had watermelon boobs at fifteen? Why couldn't she be smaller like the other girls? Peridot had hardly anything – she probably didn't even need a bra. Maybe Amethyst would give the shirt to her, except it was definitely too big. Sighing, she threw the shirt down and pulled a baggy, purple sweater over her head, securing it with a wide belt. Well, her 'four boobs' no longer showed, but what was there seemed almost more noticeable with the belt cinching her waist in.
The ride to the church was uneventful and Jasper drove with Matt in her car. Amethyst wished she could go with them, but she was responsible for making sure none of the food spilled. By some miracle, considering her father's driving, everything arrived in one piece and she helped her mom and Jasper bring it in, setting it down next to the other side dishes her aunties had provided. Another table contained all types of meat – prime rib, turkey, fried chicken and a whole roasted pig cooked by the men in the community. Her stomach growled and her mouth watered, but she had to wait until after the priest had given a short speech about what Thanksgiving meant and lead a prayer blessing the food.
Afterwards is when the entire function hall burst into a bustle of activity and noise as people talked, laughed and enjoyed the meal. Amethyst filled her plate with turkey, pork and four different kinds of potato dishes before sitting near her cousin Carnelian, whom everyone called Nelly. "I haven't eaten all day waiting for this."
"You look like you've lost weight. I mean your face is still round, but that's a family thing." Nelly put a pudgy hand to her own full cheek. Despite all the older men in the community being addressed as 'uncle', Nelly's father was actually Amethyst's dad's brother.
And just like her and Jasper, Nelly and her sister, Sefina, couldn't be any more different. Amethyst looked over at her waif-like older cousin with her short hair dyed platinum blonde. God, she was like a stick – no wonder her nickname was Skinny. "She's a senior now, right?"
"Yeah, Mom wants her to go to college, but she has her sight set on tech school to be a beautician." She dropped her voice. "I read Skinny's diary and she's had sex."
"What?!"
"Shhh, not so loud. She has a boyfriend Mom and Dad don't know about. You're lucky your sister is dating a decent guy and brought him to meet your parents. You…uh…you think they've done it?"
Amethyst took another bite of potatoes and swallowed before answering. "They're not dating; he's just a friend. I'm pretty sure she's had sex though. In fact, she's flat out said she did."
"I know a lot of people do, but I…I think there's something kind of old fashioned and spiritual about saving yourself until marriage. I think I might do that."
"I mean, it's your decision." Amethyst scraped the last bit of food from her plate. "I don't think anyone will want to have sex with me."
"With your gazongas – yeah they will." Nelly laughed.
Amethyst excused herself to get more food then looked down at her boobs. As much as she wanted to pig out, she remembered her mom's cutting words. Four boobs…like fucking udders. Her stomach felt uncomfortable under the belt. After everything, she was still a cow…a fat ugly cow in an oversized sweater. She threw her paper plate in the trash and headed for the bathroom.
Jasper
"Does it remind you a bit of being home?" Jasper asked as they stood by a wall. She crunched her teeth into a piece of roasted pork skin.
"A little, yeah. We always get together outdoors though in a communal fale – you know, the houses with posts and roof so it's open…"
"I know. My parents have told me, but you don't live in one, do you?"
Matt shook his head. "No, they're more common in Western Samoa as houses. Our house is western style – we even have air conditioning – but we do use large fales as gathering places. You know, the weather is pretty nice in November. So, my dad and uncles they cook in an outdoor oven and we have pig and taro and breadfruit and fresh vegetables and fish, but we also have turkey and some canned vegetables that are imported." He scooped up some of the green bean casserole. "Nothing like this though – this is amazing."
Jasper had only taken a little bit, though she wasn't sure why. She worked out enough to burn it off. "I mean, it's not on the American Heart Association diet, but yeah, it's pretty good."
The priest approached them with a smile. "Hello, Jasper. I haven't seen you lately."
"Yeah, I've been…um…"
"She's been attending the service on base." Matt introduced himself and shook the priest's hand.
The priest looked at her again. "And how are you? How is everything?"
"I'm fine."
"The offer to speak with the Parish office is still open. Gabriel will be happy to help you."
"That's not necessary." Jasper stirred her potatoes with the plastic fork.
"I see. I hope that if you have not gone to confession on base, you will seek absolution here." He smiled, wished them a happy Thanksgiving and left.
Jasper scoffed and pitched her near-empty plate in a trash can. "Jerk."
"What about?"
"Something I told him in confession…I…"
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me; that stuff is private." Matt scooped the last of his food from the plate and then threw it away.
She motioned with her head for him to follow her into the hallway where she took a breath before speaking. "I was pregnant last month – it was, obviously, out of wedlock, so I said something during confession. He offered me assistance through The Gabriel Project. Well, now I'm not pregnant anymore, so…there's that."
"I…wow…I'm really sorry, Jasper. Can I…would it be okay if I hugged you?" When she nodded, he wrapped his arms around her. "My sister had a miscarriage with her first pregnancy. I know it's not an easy thing to go through."
Jasper held onto him for a moment. Should she correct him? Should she say it? He thought she'd been through a horrible experience…though, she had been. No, it was a dream – it could be a dream again. She'd taken care of the consequences and now it was as if it had never happened. Finally, she pulled away. "I'll be okay – I'm tough."
"Look, I don't know how recent your last relationship was, but…"
"It wasn't. It was just a one-time thing back in Iraq. I always use condoms, but nothing's one hundred percent…" Shut up, Jasper! "Not that you needed to know that… Jesus!" She turned to see none other than a painting of Him on the wall, three fingers extended and a clear heart over His chest. "God damn it…I mean, damn it…I mean…"
To her surprise, Matt laughed. "So it's safe to assume we're both not saints."
"No shit. Well, you lied to the priest. I don't go to the Mass on base."
"I don't go every week. Back home everyone goes every week, but I've gotten out of the habit being away so long. I am Catholic though if that matters."
She shrugged. "I don't care what religion you are as long as you're a good person."
"It's just, your mom was dropping a lot of hints…"
Jasper rolled her eyes. "Ignore her. It's like she thinks if I'm not married by my mid-twenties, my life is over. Word of caution: every auntie in there is going to try and introduce you to their single daughters."
He flashed his warm smile. "I kind of got that vibe. So, before they can, could I take you out? You know, on a real date?"
"A real date?"
"I like you. I think it's your sense of humor and how you say whatever you're thinking."
"It's just my sarcastic nature. What did you have in mind on our date?"
"Dinner and a movie?"
"Movie then dinner." She saw confusion cross his face. "If we see a movie first then we have something to discuss at dinner."
"I suppose I should ask your father first."
"Why? I'm not his property. He's going to tell you: 'she's twenty-three, she can do what she wants'."
"It's the polite thing to do."
She knew where he was from, family was very important. Heck, it was important here, too and there was a small part of her that found it sort of sweet that he was being so proper about it. "Saturday good?"
"Yeah. I'll even pick you up at your room and we can walk to the theater together."
Ah, so it was going to be the base theater and likely dinner at one of the restaurants at the MWR. Honestly, it was good they were going to keep it casual for a first date. Jasper gave him a smile. "Sounds like a plan."
Amethyst
Amethyst was honestly surprised Jasper offered to take her shopping. Usually, they'd go with their mom, but Penina had to work. "Babies are born even on Black Friday," she'd explained.
"You're really cool shopping with me and going to see Harry Potter?"
"I think it's best if we choose Christmas gifts for Mom and Dad together. As for the movie, I can watch some magic school stuff…"
Amethyst doubted her sister had actually read any of the books. "What kind of books do you like? Romance?"
"Ew, no." Jasper followed the girls through the racks of clothing in the department store. "I like adventure and mystery…and action, like some good fight scenes."
"You might actually like the Harry Potter series then," Amethyst suggested. "It's got all that – I mean a lot of the fighting involves magic, but it's cool."
Jasper looked around at the section they now stood in surrounded by frilly, lacy underthings. "Don't want to buy like…dresses…or something?"
"I need a good bra, but Mom says they're too expensive." Amethyst looked down and adjusted her straps as best she could so the cups fit better. "I keep bulging over."
"You need to be fitted is what you need. They do it here for free." Jasper found a sales associate and told her Amethyst needed a well-fitting bra.
The woman wrapped a measuring tape around Amethyst's bust and then just under, comparing the numbers. "I'll be right back." She disappeared into the lingerie section and returned with four bras. "Now, I grabbed you a plain one without wires, a satin with underwire and this really pretty lace bra – also with underwire. I also chose a sports bra for those times you want something super comfortable."
"I don't like underwires; they hurt."
"If the bra fits, they shouldn't bother you."
Amethyst went into a dressing room. The sports bra was the most comfortable by far, but didn't offer much in the way of support, while the plain cotton without wiring lifted her boobs decently enough. The satin bra slid up the underside of her boobs in an unattractive and uncomfortable way. However, when she put on the lace one, she turned in the mirror looking at herself from all angles. She slid her shirt on and marveled at how good she looked. Amethyst pulled her loose shirt tighter. With her boobs supported where they should be, she could wear more form-fitting clothes and look good. She ventured out of the stall and turned in front of Jasper. "This is with the lace one on and look…" She pulled on her shirt again showing off her figure.
"Wow, Ames – you have been losing weight!" Jasper beamed. "Good job!"
"Really?"
"You look amazing."
"I mean, I'm still big…I have a long way to go."
"Ames, don't listen to the shit Mom says, okay? Big or small, curvy or fit, you have beauty – in and out and having confidence only makes it shine brighter. Now if you want to work out and get healthy and lose weight because it's what YOU want, go for it, but you've always been pretty."
"Thanks, but I like the way I look now. Especially in this bra – holy cow!" She turned in front of the three-way mirror and stuck her chest out making it look massive.
"Okay, don't do that."
"Mom actually suggested we ask the doctor about a breast reduction."
Jasper shook her head. "They won't do it until you've finished growing and by then you'll be eighteen and able to make that decision for yourself. Besides, you've got them – enjoy them now before they give you back problems. Anyway – you want that bra, I'll get it for you. It's buy one get one free and I could use a new 'going out' bra myself."
"For who? Matt?" She wiggled her eyes suggestively.
"Stop that. Matt is nowhere near 'seeing my bra' status."
Back in the dressing room, Amethyst unhooked the lace bra and looked at the tag. "Forty G! I am not that big!"
"Tell everyone, Ames!"
She rolled her eyes then focused them on the price tag. Sixty dollars? For a BRA? It was fabric that held her boobs. There were surely people out there who would feel honored to hold her boobs. She put her ill-fitting bra back on then joined Jasper out amongst the expensive boob-holders. "Are you sure about paying for it? It's sixty dollars."
"I haven't had much to buy being deployed and all. Besides, if I get one with the sale, it's like paying thirty." Jasper plucked a black bra from the rack in her size and Amethyst waited while she tried it on.
She was a little disappointed her sister didn't come out to display how it fit on her, but then Jasper was likely used to finding bras that fit easily. Hers were probably generally less expensive as well. Amethyst wondered when this diet would start working where her chest was concerned. Maybe she should enjoy their size as Jasper suggested, but she knew she'd enjoy them a lot more if they were just a little smaller. Just a little longer – if she could keep this up a little longer – she'd have the body she wanted.