A.N: Hey guys!

Thanks for those who reviewed the last chapter I really like your enthusiasm.

Now just let me tell you this chapter has not been beta'ed' so please don't crucify me! You know I'm doing my best to give you the best chapters possible but English is not my first language and sometimes the wording and grammar can be a bit faulty but I'm trying my hardest so please try to be easy with that one.

Well I hope you'll enjoy.

Take care =D

Chapter 8:

"I'm sorry Rose but do you know how crazy that sounds?!" Asked Christian after a silence that seemed to last forever.

I just told them everything about what Oksana told me, the whole Victor issue, the stake and Dimitri's note. The only thing I left out what my visit to prison last night and Adrian didn't intervene so I guessed he agreed with me that it was not a necessity at this point.

"I know" I whispered mostly keeping my eyes on Lissa who seemed to be frozen on the spot.

There were so many emotions coming out of her, it was almost overwhelming. She felt bad I failed once more, she was scared I would run off again but she was even more frightened by the thought that Dimitri could show up and turn me into a Strigoi. She thought deep down that she could not survive me becoming one of them…her enemy.

"Rose come on you can't honestly consider that!" Said Christian coming to sit beside me on the desk. "If it ever happened don't you think it would have been at least heard of? In like centuries." He sighed and squeezed my hand. "You know how much I want to believe it's possible…but it's just folklore, bedtime stories just like the story that say dhampirs actually could have babies together with the right spell but that Moroi kept the secret because they were scared dhampirs would not protect them anymore." He snorted. "I know how bad you want it to be true but it's not."

I met Adrian's eyes. They were hard with a small 'I-told-you-so' in depth of them.

"But I witnessed it first hand!" I said in a last plea. I was probably trying to convince them as much as I was trying to convince myself.

"What do you mean?" asked Lissa finally getting out of her torpor.

I bit my bottom lip thinking on how I could mention the ring without sounding completely mental or cheap.

"I guess there is silver stakes but you know…that's pretty slim though." Tried Eddie grimacing.

Lissa looked more and more incredulous.

"No I'm not talking about silver stakes." I said concentrating my attention on Lissa. I knew she was the only one who would never judge me, at least I hoped so. "You see while I was…kidnapped" I said the last word not able to help the faint blush to gain my cheeks because even if I was high with Strigoi endorphins most of the time, I still remembered our pretty heated make out sessions when the only thing I wanted was for him to make love to me but it was maybe a good thing…no! it was surely good thing that he refused to do it as it wouldn't have been like the first time, filled with love and mutual trust. It would have been based on his basic need and want, Strigoi Dimitri was unable to love and I would have seen the difference. I'd rather kept the memory of our perfect first time burned in my mind forever.

"What then?" Tried Christian as he probably realized I was lost in my thought.

I shook my head trying to get rid of the stupid flashes in my head. "Well I spent about 10 days with him and no matter how close of Di…mitri he could be there was this coldness to him that was unmistakable of what he became" I said having some trouble to breathe.

Christian instinctively reached for my hand and held it tightly between his. It startled me and I could feel a faint wave of jealousy coming from Lissa. She was not jealous of the fact that we might become an item because she knew that it was out of the question for both of us. No, she was somehow shamefully jealous that we were sharing something special, a feeling that she would never understand. But she felt terrible guilty to feel jealous of a connection that had been created over loss and pain.

"But you see as we were chatting once, he idly reached for my ring on the night stand." I started to say but I stopped when I saw a flash of pure fury in Adrian's eyes, uneasiness on Eddies' face and Lissa's wonder. They probably thought I slept with Strigoi Dimitri. It never happened but it was not for lack of trying on my part. I just decided to ignore their assumptions as I effectively did far worse than that.

I shook my head. "Well as soon as he touched that ring, kept it in his hand well…I swear I saw the longing and warmth in his eyes, heard it in his voice. He was not my Dimitri exactly but he was close to it…so close it hurt." I said quickly glancing at Adrian and I felt guilty. How strange was that?

"Maybe…Maybe I was the subject matter. I mean…It's possible that the topic triggered a part of him that was, is still in him." Lissa shrugged slightly. She wanted to believe it, believe it with all her heart as she wanted nothing more than see me happy and it almost made me cry.

I looked at the four of them and sighed in defeat. Maybe Abe was right, maybe I needed to let that story in fairy tale land and concentrate on what was good in my life. I already lost Adrian now and it hurt bad, I couldn't lose anymore of my friends, I could not bare it and as mad as I was against Pavel he was right too. I could never take one of them down in my fall. Destroying my life, my future was one thing…I could live with that but destroying theirs? Putting their lives in danger? No that I couldn't.

I forced a small smile "yeah you're probably right" I finally conceded. "I just…I just wanted to believe it so much."

"I know…We know" said Lissa smiling but I could feel her heart break for me she desperately wanted to change subject.

Christian let go of my hand and Eddie stood up and started to talk to him about Christian's training sessions.

"Well guys it's time for me to go" said Adrian already at the door.

Lissa nodded I didn't know what he told them, what was the reason of his hasty departure but she didn't seem to think much of it.

"I'll see you soon." She said to him.

"You bet" he said with his usual playful grin but he couldn't fool me, as he said I knew him better than anyone else. I was the only one able to read through his pretence and that smile didn't reach his eyes.

The guys waived at him before concentrating on the training conversation again.

"You take care ok?" I asked looking deep into his eyes trying to show him how much I'd miss him.

"Ditto." He said with a small smile full of sorrow.

I didn't know why but I was on the brink of crying. It was like my encounter with Dimitri didn't make me stronger as I thought it would but as far as my heart was concerned I actually felt weaker. Maybe it was because I finally saw first hand what kind of crazy terrible things I was ready to do on the name of love, things I thought I'd never do.

"Oh you know the ring" said Lissa bringing me back to reality. "I think I got it but… but I wonder if your friend Oksana wouldn't mind just listen to me about it because I want to be sure I got it right before giving it to you…We never know" she said grimacing.

I chuckled. "Yeah we wouldn't me turning into a whimper would we?" I asked teasing. I'm already so close to it I added to myself. I knew that Oksana would be pleased to talk to Lissa and she even gave me her number in case any of us wanted to talk to her. I was actually happy that Lissa concentrated on her magic for now, it helped her deal with the whole Christian issue and that was good to take.

I took my cell out of my pocket and scribbled Oksana number on a piece of paper I took from one of Christian's notebook.

"You're going to pay for that right?" He asked teasing when he heard the scratching sound of the paper being ripped.

"Fine!" I said with overplayed exasperation. "I give you a free card, you can make a pass on Eddie."

Lissa burst into laugher taking the piece of paper from my hand.

"Ummmm no thanks" He said grimacing.

"Come on you could do worse!! I'm a good catch." Said Eddie pretending to be offended.

I shook my head genuinely smiling now. How could I even go on without them? They were my family as much as my mother and father. They were my brothers and sister.

"When do you think I could call her?" Asked Lissa and I could feel her excitation.

I did my best to hide my smile. "You can call her now you know it's early afternoon there."

"Really?" She asked and her exhilaration increased by the second.

"You go girl!" I said feeling like a full force dork to have said something like that. Note to self, never used the 'you-go-girl' expression ever again.

"I'll see you for dinner guys" she said almost running out making me laugh.

"What's up with her?" Asked Christian apparently quite pleased to see her that enthusiastic.

"Long story but I'm pretty sure we'll hear it at dinner." I said winking.

"Good" said Christian quickly glancing at the clock. "Well not that I want to kick you out Rose but…my students are waiting for me."

"Uh? Oh!! Yeah sorry!" I chuckled "I forgot."

"Eddie can you go meet them first and show them some moves I'll be over in 5 minutes." Asked Christian.

"Yep, I love torturing kids…" he said with an evil laugh. "I'll see you later Hathaway."

"Have fun Castille." I replied mimicking his tone.

Christian and I walked out slowly, I knew he wanted to say something but he just didn't know how to approach the subject. Christian Ozera could be mysterious but the small sidelong glances every 5 seconds kind of gave him away.

"Come on buddy, let it out." I said with a smile but it was slightly forced as I didn't know what to except.

"What had happened between you and Adrian?" Asked Christian finally. That was what I liked about him, he was always brutally honest, not taking gloves.

"He didn't take the 'Dimitri's still being around and me trying to save him' as well as you guys did" I said evasively.

"I see…." Said Christian pursing his lips. "Well who can blame him?" He added shrugging.

"Uh? I thought you would lynch him." I said knowing how Christian loved to pick on Adrian.

Christian shrugged again. "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."

I looked at him astonished. "You think he actually loves me?"

"Don't you?" Asked Christian raising one eyebrow.

"He decided to let go, to move on and I think it's better for him." I said dismissively. "I owe him that much. He has every right to move on and he is right we shouldn't let the past repeat itself."

"But I know you care about him Rose" said Christian nicely "and…well letting go is one thing but the way we let go is what matters. You should tell him how you feel, what you think exactly ." He give me a small smile. "It will be better for your peace of mind and his too, believe me."

"He is gone now… It's too late anyways," I said starting to regret the fact that I let him walk away without a word.

Christian looked at his watch, "No you still have 10 minutes and the runway is this way" he said pointing ahead.

I didn't even notice walking beside him that we walked in the opposite direction of Christian's training and almost reached the end of campus.

"I…" I started.

"We'll talk later" said Christian nudging me. "Go now, explain yourself or you'll regret it."

"Thank you" I said starting to run as fast as I could to the runway hoping that his plane would not leave early.

I ran so fast that I had trouble breathing as I made it to the runway I could see that the plane was ready to go and the stewardess was about to close the door.

"Wait!!" I shouted running even faster or at least trying to.

The Moroi woman saw me but decided to ignore me. I barely made it and jumped to catch the door, opening it fully again.

"Hey Idiot what part of 'wait' don't you understand?!" I said breathless glaring at her while getting on the plane.

"Rose?!" Asked Adrian incredulous getting off his seat looking at me as if I had 2 heads.

I raised my finger asking a second trying to catch my breath. I could see that as hard as he tried he couldn't help to smile, my crazy side always made him laugh.

"Can you asked the mentally challenged deaf chica to give us 5 minutes?" I asked finally once I could breath more or less normally.

Adrian couldn't stop his smile to grow bigger. He just nodded her out.

She glared at me while leaving the room.

"Look at me like that once more and you won't look at anyone else anytime soon do you copy that?" I asked with a threatening tone.

She quickly looked down rushing out in the other room. I couldn't help to grin.

Adrian threw me a small bottle of water rolling his eyes. I drank eagerly.

"What do you want Rose?" He asked so distant that it wiped my smile away.

"I needed to talk to you before you left." I said serious now.

"I think everything has been said" he replied sitting back.

"You said it all but I didn't get the chance to speak. Don't worry I'll make it quick" I said playing with the bottle as I was nervous.

"I see" said Adrian playing with his glass of scotch, looking at the ice cubes rolling in his glass.

"I'm sorry… truly sorry" I said looking away too now. "It hurts me to hurt you because the truth is that I care about you…of course I do! I care about you a lot more than I should, a lot more than I want to but I know it's not enough. It's just enough to make us suffer and…" I took a deep breath as I could feel the tears starting to spring in my eyes. "I think you letting go is the best decision you could have taken."

I looked up and met his sharp eyes, they were darker now and he was trying to read through me.

"I know I didn't have time to cause irreparable damage to you and I feel grateful for that. I know you will be able to move on…" I gave him a small smile "you already did start while I was away with Avery and…"

Adrian blushed slightly. "Avery was not---"

I stopped him raising my hand. "No it's ok! I swear I'm almost done now. If she didn't turn out to be a totally crazy-psycho bitch you would have dated her and it would have been all good." I meant it, I realized I meant every word. "And I know… I know you'll meet a nice girl very soon and she is going to make you very very happy" I said not able to stop my voice from breaking. "And I'll be happy for you, truly happy."

Adrian opened his mouth to say something but I begged him with my eyes not to and he closed it with a sigh of resignation.

"I know you…I know you feel bad for leaving, like you are breaking a promise" I said cocking my head to the side. I knew Adrian inside out and he was always keeping his word.

Adrian shrugged slightly concentrating on his glass again, emptying it.

I looked at him while he poured himself another one.

"But you are not doing anything wrong. You are doing what is best, what you should do…what I should have done…What…What he should have done" I finally admitted out loud.

Adrian head shot up looking at me surprised.

I gave him a sad smile again. "Because you are right, of course you are right. I'm stuck in the moment and I can't get out and… and I'm battling with some imaginary windmill but I cannot win. Maybe, maybe it's just because if I let go I'll take the time to think and I'll realize all the mistakes I made." I said with a humorless laugh. "I guess that's... that's all."

"What are you going to do now?" he asked with clear worry in his voice.

I shrugged dismissively. "I think I'll try to stop fighting battles I can't win but I'll face it all and it will end soon" I smiled "by his death, mine or maybe both."

Adrian looked at me with begging eyes, I could see he was scared for me.

I walked to him and leaned down resting my shaking hands on each side of his face.

I looked deep into his eyes and did something I didn't plan to do. I leaned down even more and kissed him softly, almost carefully as if he was breakable. He kissed me back just as softly as I did.

"See I'm not drunk and I still enjoyed it" I whispered against his lips. "That was my goodbye. Take care and be happy." I said before rushing out of the plane not waiting for his reaction.

I was pretty sure I heard him shout my name but I was already far.

I quickly scanned Lissa's mind and located her in her room, so I ran there to meet with her.

She opened the door while still on the phone and the mars bar I saw on her desk made my stomach growl and I almost jumped on it as a staving predator.

I ate it in 3 bites and started to roam around the room for some more treats to eat.

I did find another candy bar and almost squealed with happiness.

I was chewing on half of it when Lissa hanged up.

"Really Rose? Dinner is in 15 minutes." She said chuckling.

"What do you want…When the woman is starving she is staving" I said mouth full and it was pretty much a miracle that she actually understood.

"Uh huh…" she shook her head. "Oh here!" she said giving me the ring. "I talked with Oksana, She is so sweet by the way."

"Yeah...Yes she is" I said remembering how she took care of me back in Novosibirsk, healing my body and marks of shame without judging. She only had kindness in her eyes.

"I invited her to come here for a little while you know, for the spirit study. She seemed…I don't know" Lissa shrugged. "Like she really wanted to come but also was slightly reluctant. I'm confusing you right?"

"No not really" I said as we left her room to go to the commons. "You see well she is married with a dhampir, a dhampir 12 years older than her" I added uncomfortable to talk about someone else's love life especially where age difference was involved.

Lissa eyes widened with surprised but she didn't say anything.

"So you see… They settled in the middle of nowhere, in a town where nobody would judge them." I grimaced slightly. "You surely can understand why she is reluctant to come here."

"Yeah I really do" said Lissa with a small laugh. "They can be so old fashioned sometimes" she said and I understood she talked about me and Dimitri as well as her and Christian.

"Rose!" I heard Adrian call just before entering the commons.

Lissa and I turned around simultaneously.

"I thought you left?" Asked Lissa surprised.

"Well… My flight got delayed because of some storm we REALLY didn't see coming" he said trying to sound detached but I knew I was the 'storm.' "Rose I need to have a word with you."

"Okay I'll see you guys later." Said Lissa almost running away. She could feel the tension and wanted to escape…Traitor.

"I…" I started when Adrian reached for my wrist and led me to a quieter area without a word.

I could have stopped him easily but I knew that public would not stop him from making a scene if he really wanted to make one and his face right now didn't predict anything good so somewhere quiet seemed the best.

As soon as we made it about 50 yards into the small forest Adrian let go on my wrist and twirled around to face me.

"You had NO right to do that!" He said harshly pointing at me.

"What?! Do what?!" I asked completely lost. I thought I did a good thing by letting him go without guilt and he seemed mad.

"I mean really you thought you could come in the plane kiss me, tell me you cared about me and 'free me'" he said with quoting fingers "and you really thought I would let it slide?"

"Well yeah" I said looking around as he was talking a bit too loud for my liking. "I didn't want us to part like that. It was not right, not after everything we've been through".

"And throwing Avery to the face?!" He continued, "I mean yeah I liked her to some extent but still…that's harsh! She was never you for me and you know it!"

"I didn't throw Avery to your face!" I snapped and I was doing that, to some level, as I did feel tremendously jealous of her when he showed her this serious interest. It hurt me much more than I would have expected or wanted it to. "I was just telling you that you already started to lose your interest in me when I was away and it was the smartest move and I know you're going to find the perfect woman soon that's all." Was it really? I couldn't help to add to myself.

"But you said I was right. What did you mean by that?" He asked calmer apparently deciding to drop the Avery subject for now.

"There is a difference between dying for something you consider right or dying by pure stupidity. And…" I took a deep breath leaning against a tree. "It was completely insane to rush into that, almost impossible plan with so many variables." I shook my head. "But you also have to understand that, at the end of the day, I will get my redemption by granting Dimitri with his. By healing him or killing him but something has to be done, and I'm the one who has to do it. I owe him that much. And if you can't understand that well…you are not the man I thought you were." I added quietly.

Adrian looked at me thoughtful for a long moment, he then ran his hands in his hair as he did every time he was upset, mad or worried. "So explain to me Rose please…Explain me what did he do that's worth giving your life for his soul?" He asked and I didn't hear judgment or even sarcasm in his voice, only wonder.

"He taught me everything, he made me who I am." I said simply. "When he brought us back from Portland I thought I knew it all…" I shook my head and let out a humorless laugh. "What a stupid fool! He taught me about life, love, honor and duty. He…He showed me what real bravery was, how I couldn't always be right, how courage was not the absence of fear." I smiled fondly remembering. "He taught me that perfection didn't exist and that we just needed to be the best we could. And that as tough as you seem to be, nobody is invulnerable."

I looked at Adrian and I could see the pain in his eyes even if he was trying his best to hide it.

"Dimitri…Dimitri lent me his strength when I needed it and I lent him mine. He saw some part of me that nobody else's ever did. He understood that part of me that I'm not sure I even understood myself. He was…he just was." I added getting embarrassed. "So yeah I'll save his soul. It was what he valued the most, along with me, even if it is to the price of my life because it was not a real life before I met him."

Adrian nodded looking down putting his hands in his pockets.

I was about to apologize again even if I had no reason to but I felt like I had to for some peculiar reason but Adrian talked before giving me the chance.

"So if he was here you would want him to be safe right? To be happy?"

"Of course" I said like it was the stupidest questions I had ever heard… and it probably was. I told him to leave with Tasha for that reason.

"So you have to understand me too Rose. You taught me so much about love and life. I always took life lightly, always thinking about fun and partying until I met you. It was, and still is, the first time that someone became more important than my fun. You are the only person that can read through my pretense, reach this part of me that nobody else ever could. I am older than you, but in the 6 months I've known you, you taught me far more about my heart and soul than anyone else in the past 21 years so I guess…Well" he stopped looking away. "To help you understand I guess you can say that you are, to some extent, my 'Dimitri'." he said finally looking at me again.

I looked at him mouth wide open, I was his Dimitri? Really? No I couldn't be!!

He sighed "I shouldn't have said that" he said and I could see he was cursing himself, like he knew I would take it badly.

"No…No it's all good" I said trying to sound at ease. "You should always tell me how you feel and …" I started to move from one foot to the other as I was uncomfortable.

Adrian detailed me apparently chagrined but I was not sure what it was about. Maybe by the fact that I didn't love him as much as he seemed to love me, maybe it was to realize how deeply ran the love I felt for Dimitri or even how I felt uncomfortable after he pulled his heart out for me…maybe it was a combination of all that.

My stomach rumbled again very loudly easing the tension.

"You should go and eat Rose, I know how irrational you become when you're hungry." Adrian chuckled. "I'm going away tomorrow but I'll be back." He said with a small smile.

I just nodded.

"But please while I'm away don't do anything stupid ok? Don't rush into anything. Be safe….for me." He said with so much urgency that it tightened my chest.

"I promise" I said looking up.

He gave me a small smile and kissed my forehead, letting his lips on it a bit longer than necessary.

He gently brushed my cheekbone with his thumb pad without a word just staring into my eyes for a couple of second before letting go and taking the direction of the path.

"You take care too ok?" I said to his retreating form.

"Always." He replied not even turning back taking the way of the guest pavilion.