15

Night follows day and day follows night and it's daytime again in the land of Nottingham. The very afternoon of the Great Prison Breakout and the Great Prince Throne-mobile Chase, we threw a lovely coronation ceremony where we made Marian the Protectorate of the Realm and Robin Hood the new Sheriff of Nottingham.

The old Sheriff, well, we figured he could share a cell with that no-good-nik Sir Biff of Tannen, him and Sir Sketchy and ol' Prince John. I'll tell you what, though. You go visit them, you best bring some nose-plugs 'cause it is ripe in that old tower.

At the coronation ceremony, Lady Marian talked a long time about how things were gonna be different. She said that Marty (Sir Marty now, after she knighted him) had told her about all sort of things while they were cellmates and given her good ideas on how to run the kingdom.

Sir Marty talked a little bit about what he called the "Magma Carter" and "the electric college" and how we should all vote who we want running things. He also said that since the last king taxed so bad, we should never pay taxes again, because taxes were "lame sauce." That last part sounds a little fiscally irresponsible to me, but what would an old rooster know?

But you probably don't want to hear about the coronation as much as the big party that followed it. I played music, Will Scarlet prepared a feast for everyone, and we all danced until late in the night. Played all the old favorites like "The Phony King of England" and "The Beowulf Boogie," of course, but also some new ones that I wrote up in honor of our guests, Sir Marty Mick Fly-Rock-Star and the twin Doctors, Emmett and Schmemmett Brown. Boy, did we dance. It's much easier to dance when you're a free soul, I reckon. Oodelally!

Oh, and Marty tried playing some fast music on my lute. I wasn't much sure what to think of it, but he assured me that my kids would love it.

The highlight of the dance floor was, to everyone gathered, the extraordinary synchronization of the pair of "twins": the two Doc Browns and the two Little Johns. Seemingly without trying, the two Docs always struck the exact same dance moves, and the Little Johns did likewise. The Nottinghamians cheered and applauded whenever the different temporal versions of Doc, driven by the same instincts, broke into the same spins, bobs, and jumps.

"Now play 'The Bear and the Maiden Fair'!" cried Arthur to Alan-a-Dale, and the rooster started playing a fast new tune. The animals joined hands together and spun in a complicated group dance. Then, at the chorus, everyone broke off and found a partner. Past Little John found Lady Kluck, Future Little John found Will Scarlet, Arthur found Midge (through some pushing and shoving, the other animals noted), and since Robin Hood was presently teaching Skippy the proper way to shoot an arrow, Marian ended up dancing with Marty.

At first, they said nothing all, content merely listening to the notes of the lute. Then Marian asked, "Is it true you're leaving tomorrow?"

"Yep," said Marty. "It's been great and all, but I'm ready to be back in a place where there's MTV."

"I'm sorry that everything ended so suddenly," said Marian, and Marty knew that she wasn't talking about his sudden departure. "It wasn't really fair to you. I shouldn't have assumed…what I assumed."

"It's cool," said Marty. "I'm doing great. I'm fine. I'm tubular."

"This is maybe not helpful for me to say," Marian whispered in his ear as the song came to a close, "but if it would have been anyone else besides Robin…"

"I'm gonna go talk to Doc," interrupted Marty. "Peace out, your highness." He put his sunglasses on again and strolled off but nearly tripped over a family of possums, as it was growing dark out. He approached Future Doc and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Doc! Way to save the day!"

"Nonsense, Marty. You're the one who stopped the Prince from escaping! All I did was a bit of…logistical planning."

"Doc, I have a question."

"Ah, yes. Hmmm. I believe I am wondering the exact same thing."

"I kind of doubt that," said Marty, as he watched Marian dance.

"You're no doubt wondering, why is everything in the universe slowly disappearing?"

"What?" Marty took off his sunglasses and looked around. It was true…the trees, sky, and animals were all gradually becoming translucent. The color seemed less vibrant and the outlines less distinct. Only Marty, the Past and Future Doc Browns, and the Past and Future DeLoreans seemed to be exempt from the fading.

"Damn," said Past Doc, walking over. "I knew we'd cause a universe-ending paradox!"

"Yes, but why?" mulled Future Doc. "Is it because there's two of us? If so, does one of us have to die? If so, how best to decide? Rock, paper, scissors surely won't work…"

"Docs! You better figure this out quick!" said Marty. "I mean, we can't just wipe out all these people!"

There was a scary moment, as the Nottinghamians grew and more transparent and the music faded to a muted buzz. Suddenly, the two Docs jumped.

"Eureka!" they shouted in unison.

"This entire timeline is possible," said Future Doc, "because this evening, Little John and I went back in time to save our friends. Well, now it's evening again, and nobody's going back in time!"

"Great Scott," said Past Doc. "It's my turn to go back to this morning!"

"Precisely!" agreed Future Doc. "Just do everything I did! Find your past self and give him instructions, then take the Merry Men to the castle…"

"I'm you," said Past Doc impatiently. "I know just what to do. Where's Past Little John?"

It was hard to see in the increasingly misty world, but finally they found a pale, ghostly bear.

"Little John, quick!" said Future Doc. "What did you do this morning?"

"Doc?" said the bear, his voice sounding muffled and distant. "I was with you, breaking into the castle. Don't you remember?"

"It's the right one!" exclaimed Past Doc Brown. "The Little John who has not yet traveled back in time! Quick, my friend, into the DeLorean!"

"I don't know," said Past Little John. "I'm a little drunk."

"Me too," admitted Past Doc.

"That's perfect!" said Future Doc, filling the Mr. Fusion generator with a sock from his left foot. "We were also drunk! It's important to keep everything exactly the same! But quickly, before the universe disappears!"

"It's been real, Doc Brown," said Past Doc Brown, wryly. Then he got inside. The Past DeLorean drove off quickly, speeding faster and faster until it disappeared with a flash of lightning.

"Hold your breath," Doc told Marty, unnecessarily. There were two seconds of stillness, when everything around the time-travelers faded completely to white. Then, abruptly, the world was restored, in full and vibrant color. None of the animals seemed to have any idea that anything unusual had just happened.

"They did it! They saved the day…again!" said Marty.

"What a relief. Paradox averted." said Doc. "Although on the second trip through time, I think I banged my knee on something. Clumsy oaf!" He rubbed his knee, scowling.

"Marty, I think you had wanted to ask me something before the world started ending. What was it?"

"Oh yeah," said Marty, reverting his eyes back to Marian. "I wanted to know, Doc, um…when you're talking to the people here, and they're talking back, do you ever forget that they're…or do you ever start thinking of them as…or you stop caring that they're…"

He seemed to have difficulty completing his sentence. "Geez, Doc, I don't know. This is kind of embarrassing."

"You can tell me anything," said Doc and Marty smiled. "Besides," continued Doc, "there's no way it can be more embarrassing than that time that you made out with your own mother."

Marty's smile disappeared. "Jesus Christ, Doc, how many times are you gonna keep bringing that up?"

He stormed off. "Forget I said anything."

The next morning, an enormous crowd gathered in the meadow (which was henceforth known as the Meadow of the Poopy Prince) to bid the time-travelers farewell. They threw confetti and played trumpets, and even the intense hangovers of Marty and Doc couldn't ruin the joyful mood. As Doc loaded the DeLorean's Mr. Fusion generator with a handful of gold coins, Little John, Robin Hood and Marian stepped forward to say goodbye.

"Are you sure you have to go?" asked Little John, giving both men an enormous hug.

"Little John, it's been wonderful, but if you had ever been to the United States in 1985, you'd understand that it is an era unparalleled in culture and progress," said Doc Brown. "Our place is there, and our time is then."

Robin Hood shook their hands firmly. "I shall never forget you."

"Nor I," said Marian, smiling at Marty.

"Don't leave yet!" yelled Midge, pushing her way through the crowd. She, Arthur, and Will shoved Biff Tannen over to the DeLorean.

Arthur gave Marty and Doc an enormous grin. "We brought you a going away present."

"We cleaned him up good," said Will. "So's to not muck up your car. But we figured he should be with his own kind, scoundrel that he is."

"I guess so," said Marty. "But I call shotgun. Also, backseat. Biff, looks like the trunk is free."

"You're all Buttheads!" said Biff, but he took his place in his trunk.

Robin Hood felt his forehead. "Apparently, we all have butts for heads. Good to know. Gentlemen, surely your parting words will be more poetic?"

Doc smiled at the Merry Men. "Don't let the appallingly superstitious atmosphere of Medieval England discourage you from the thrill of scientific discovery!"

"I'll let my rad music speak for me," said Marty, popping a tape into the DeLorean tape deck.

"I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might," howled R.E.O. Speedwagon.

"Damn it," said Marty, popping out the tape, as Marian suddenly dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. "Wrong tape." He switched tapes and suddenly the voice of Huey Lewis carried across the field.

"That's the power of love, sang Huey Lewis.

The crowd cheered and cried as the DeLorean sped off. Marty waved out the window until all the animals were outside of sight. Then he sat back in the seat.

"Boy, Doc, I'll be glad to be home."

"Well, for your sake, Marty, I hope we end up there. Honestly, though, it might be kind of a crap shoot."

"What?" said Marty. "Are you telling me we don't know where we're going?"

"Don't know where, don't know when!" said Doc Brown, jubilantly. "But that's the beauty of the multiverse! Ah, the thrill of discovery! Come on, Marty, cheer up! When universes collide, there's no telling what will happen!"

As Doc Brown finished his stirring and unintentionally meta comments, the DeLorean hit eighty-eight miles per hour and vanished from the idyllic English country-side with a blinding flash of lightning.

The End