A/N: I know exactly where I wanna take this story…going about it is a completely different thing entirely. I have been writing stories for as long as I can remember because I fucking LOVE, let me repeat, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE writing and everything that has to do with reading fantasy and certain types of history as well as myths and legends (spoiler alert: I am a huge nerd). The feeling of CREATING my own world. Killing off whoever I want. Making others invincible. Hell I could possibly make a porno…still debating that one honestly. But all pervertedness aside, I absolutely love it when people read my work…so thank you to all of you who have stuck around all this time. It may not be the best. But I am doing my best. And please refrain from telling me the quality sucks…I know it does…it hurts my soul too. I'm speeding up the chapters a little to get to the big shit. BTW SOMETHING WILL FUCKING HAPPEN IN THIS STORY SOME MAY DISAGREE WITH AND I AGREE WITH YOU WHO SEE IT IN A BAD LIGHT BUT I HAVE A GOD-DAMN PLAN. LET ME HAVE THIS.

(Updated 1/1/19 because let's start the damn new year off right)

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Chapter Three: How Does This Thing Work?

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Well I'd like to say that the landing was soft…but that's not how physics work.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH- OOF!" I landed first with everyone bouncing off me…except for Wendy. She (and I will always remember this part) landed on me. God the feeling of her body on mine still sends a shiver of electricity down my spine. But when she looked down at me; her hair covering half her face, her freckles splayed cutely around her visage, her hair cascading down her face like a river of fire…holy fucking shit. She could never be more beautiful than at that moment.

Oh…I was so very wrong about that.

I reach up to touch her face and she gasps and leaned into the palm of my hand almost longingly.

Wait…

"How am I still older?" I ruined the moment. Am I really that fucking stupid? Apparently so.

"Maybe it was something you wished for and it came true." Mabel tried to convince with jazz-hands. I could only shake my head. Magic always comes at a price.

"Let's just head back to the Shack, all right? I dunno about any of you but I am dead on my feet as of right now." I said in exasperation.

"Wait…Dipper…there's something I wanna talk about with you." Mabel started to kick at the dirt and I immediately knew what it was. I sighed once again.

"Mabel, listen…I won't be taking the apprenticeship with Ford. For some reason it feels so…wrong. Plus I am not missing out on your preteens. You aren't that lucky." I wink at her and give her a small noogie to emphasize my point, making her laugh and punch my arm.

"Guess you're not such a Dip-stick, Dip-stick." I laughed a little at her and we run as fast we can to get back to the Shack. Once there we go to open the door before hearing something shuffling inside. I look to Wendy and Soos and they both look and nod at me.

"Let's light this popsicle stand!"

We charge through the door, golf clubs, axes, crossbows, and fists a-blazin'-...

-Only to find Grunkle Stanley, a myriad of mythical creatures, the weird man who married a woodpecker, Candy, Grenda, Pacifica, and Professor McGucket.

"Grunkle Stan!" My twin and I say at once as we rush over to tackle him in a huge embrace. Once he was all good and dog-piled we finally let the old man up. His smile almost instantly vanished when he got a good look at yours truly.

"What the heck happened to you, Squirt? How'd you get so…not-squirty?" His gravelly voice is nearly deafening in the silence. I cringed from the judging look.

"He saved us! That's what happened you old, judgmental, fart!" Wendy ran in front of me to stare at my great uncle. It was…intimidatingly hot how protective she was being. To those who understand this I very much hope I am NOT the uke.

"It's okay Wendy. You don't have to get all uppity at Stan. You know how it is when they get that old! They get all senile and are mean to their poor defenseless nieces and nephews." I wink and smile at him to show I was kidding and he finally cracked a smirk. I whispered that I'd explain it to him later.

"Well at least I know you have some balls now, kid. How old are you anyway, twenty-three?" He asks with his arms crossed.

"I'm nineteen you twat!" I immediately cover my mouth and nearly choke on a laugh at the expression that was on his face. Wendy couldn't hold back the laugh and my Grunkle Stan laughed and gave me a noogie for old-time's sake.

"You may be older and taller, kid, but I could still take you, ya little bastard," Everyone gasped at the language. "What? He's older and can handle that kinda language, get off my back.

"How did you know you were so old, dude?" Soos asked the question that had, apparently, been on everyone's mind since they all turned and stared at me. I sigh and rub my head again.

"It's hard to explain, but…I get flashbacks. From another life I lived I guess," I pause and look away. I feel like such a freak. "I don't know why this is happening. I don't know what to do about whatever it is I am…but I know if I can remember even half of what this body knows, I- we can defeat Bill." I dramatically close my fist and look at it sternly as if it had the answers. Spoiler: I was actually really, really close.

"You aren't doing this alone, Dipper." I could smell her before I could feel her…but in combination, both made me freeze up.

Fuck my life.

I forget about it for now, smile, and lean into her a little. "I know, Love. You always do pull through in the end for me."

"Love…? Whoa dude…" Without even looking at her I could feel the heat of her blush against my back. Somehow I knew my voice always being able to affect her like that. Thank whatever god is out there.

I smile a bit deviously. This will be fun.

To tease her just a little bit more, I lower voice so only she can hear. "You doin' okay there, Wendy? You seem to be…shaking." And boy she was. She pushed me away and I chuckle. Turning around I hug her despite her looking away with a small pout whispering a small apology amidst my chuckling. Cute as ever.

"EVASIVE MANEUVERS! The flying eyes are coming!" The Manotaur pointed out the door while Grunkle Stan closed said door and the Gnomes doused the lamps and hid in the shadows.

After what felt like forever, the eyeball lost interest and chased down a raccoon. Shortly thereafter the totem pole outside came to life, tried to destroy the house, was stopped by unicorn magic, and promptly died and became a totem pole once more. Didn't Stan say something about that happening once already?

Why does this happen to me when I'm finally having fucking fun?

Usually having to do with fucking but that's beside the point.

"We need to fix the Shack up a bit…I'm thinking of a giant robot. Get really freaky with this place. McGucket, you and I will handle the robotics. Everyone else gets to help us with the heavy stuff. Though, I may have some…blueprints for metal arms that'll act as an enhancement of sorts. Ford and I were creating them once upon a time but we never finished them, something about destructive programming? Well…whatever I guess." Maybe getting older has given me a loss of self-preservation? Maybe cockiness? I go to grab the tools from the back and smile broadly with pride I never knew I had in myself. I became one with the family.

I have finally gone mad as a Hatter.