I have been on hiatus for quite a while huh? I won't give any excuses unless some of you are willing to hear my pitiful ass. Just ping me if you want. My email is always open and waiting for you all. Again I apologize for being late so I'm going to do something awesome for you guys. ALSO: just to put this out there I know what some of you may comment about how "Deep" I may go in terms of realism in the story such as how it's a cartoon and some of the characters don't have any definitive qualities to their person or how it only took them a couple hours to make a fully-functioning house-bot and I'm making them take days (just imagine Bill, being the main and cocky antagonist that he is, allows them to do whatever they want because he "knows" they can't stop him) well I'm MAKING THEM. So SHUSH. ALSO also: I understand prepositions and sentence fragments and all that yadda-yadda grammar bullshit please don't tell me about those. It's just how people normally speak. And if anyone can teach me how to post these with line breaks that'd be great, yeah. *sips coffee*
Let's shake things up a bit shall we?
X X X
Chapter Four: Weapons of Mass…Distraction?
X X X
Now…if I could make a montage of all the cool-ass shit I did in helping to make this robot…I'm sure I would have Everyone Needs A Montage as my chosen song. The arms were the first things to be created. Oh yeah. Swords, guns, flamethrowers, and MISSILES! Creating weapons of mass destruction to save the world? What nineteen-year-old kid wouldn't want this? And that's still isn't the best part.
Wendy Corduroy had on only a tank top.
SCANDOLOUS DISTRACTIONS!
"Where do you need this giant piece of alloy I found in the basement, Dip-king?" Wendy hefted a giant piece of metal. How much can she lift…? Fuck…distracted again.
"Oh yeah, just set her in front of me. I'm gonna use that to reinforce the hydraulics systems, maybe even use it on the sword." I give an evil laugh as I start to use the plasma torch on the hunk of metal.
"…Seriously?" She punched me in the arm with a laugh.
"Yupperino! For energy-saving purposes what I'll have the sword do is vibrate at a speed the naked eye cannot detect to cut through many things. Adding fire to it would just be straight overkill…and that's EXACTLY what I want. Though…shrinking and obliterating the other monsters with these WMDs would be amazing," I look at her and lift up my mask and turn the torch off to wink at her. "It's the little things in life we gotta enjoy. Where did you get this big hunk o' junk anyway? This thing is huge!" I go back to cutting the metal into tiny cubes to smelt, but I still listen when she replies.
"It came from the portal thing you and Mabel were telling me about before where Stanford came from. There's so much of it left to be scrapped so I picked up the smallest piece I could find." She shrugged at her accomplishment. Never knew she could be so modest.
"Are you kidding, Wendy? That's the smallest that you could find? Let me reiterate: this thing is huge! How'd you lift it?" I turn around to face her.
"It actually isn't that heavy. For some reason it's stupidly durable, but doesn't weigh much. Pick it up. You'll see what I mean." And I did just that. I could hold this thing up with one hand. I'm either super strong like Wendy is, or this piece of metal was a piece of alien tech. knowing my uncles, it might just have been.
"Huh. Weird. Makes sense though because cutting this metal is a bitch and a half." I set it back down and start my work once more.
"Hey Dipper…can I ask you something?" She asks behind me and I sit up ramrod straight. Are we alone? I look around to find any sign of life near our general vicinity. When none was found, I sigh and turn the torch off once more and I swivel in my chair to face her without my protection to show how serious I was in the matter. She's nervous, that much is easy to see.
Fuck.
"What up, Love?" I give her a small smile and wipe the sweat off my head. What is she staring at? Have I got grime on my face again?
"Why are you shirtless?"
Um…
"It's hot in here. I have to torch, smelt, and reform all of this metal. What time is it anyway?"
"Dude…it's a quarter past ten. No wonder you're still down here. How do you know how to do all this crap anyway?" She began looking at the assorted piles of machinery spread around me while I wipe my sweat off with a towel. I can't believe how close tomorrow is.
"I've told you before; I have no idea how or why…I just do. After this is all over I'm sure I could find out why…" I look to my wrist at the assortment of tattoos winding their way around my biceps and torso. A triangle with a single eye sits in the middle of a circle surrounded by symbols I still have yet to comprehend. Funny enough, it looks like a watch. I look fondly at the bag of ice on my arm in thought.
"In the meantime I have to think about the here and now. Now I have to protect everyone, I have to get this robot done, and I have to think about what I'm going to say next and be cryptic!" I pump my fist in the air and she giggled into her hand. She hardly does that, but when she does it I can't help but smile. She started to shuffle on her feet again and I raised an eyebrow.
"What…what is it like being nineteen, Dipper?" I only shake my head at her.
"It sucks, but the pro of this is that I don't have to go through many more changes. But I know that isn't the question you want to ask. Just tell me whatever is on your mind. Even after all the things happening to me, I'm still me, you know? I won't judge you or ridicule you." I smile genuinely at her. There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for this girl. If someone, say Bill, ever stole her…WMDs, shrinking-laser-fire swords, and a giant robotic house would be the least of his or the world's problems. She sighed gently and sat next to me, allowing her hair to fall into her face.
"So many things have been happening just in this last day alone…how do you cope with all this? Weirdmageddon, Mabel's Fantasyland, you getting older…how do you do it?" I chuckled.
"It's simple: I look at the bigger picture. My family could be killed, the world may end," I brush the hair out of her face, "and you could be taken from me. I will not allow that to happen to any of you. So I am going to finish this project earlier than what we all agreed to despite Stan's protests. I think I can help him out in what he's going through, too. Mabel and I were like that and I can already tell it will be detrimental to any plan that we can come up with to fight Bill. The risks are too high on this…I won't let anything bad happen to you. I can't." I whisper the last part and yawn with a stretch. Looking at my watch I notice it's only been thirty minutes since we started talking.
Wait a minute.
"If it was past ten before and now it's about eleven…what are you still doing up? You should be asleep like the others." I nudge her side for a response and she bumps me back.
"I could say the same to you. You must be exhausted after everything today. The fact that you've almost managed to create one giant, robotic, kick-ass house in one day is pretty awesome dude. You need sleep just like everyone else." Aww she cares for me. I'm glad. However…
"SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK! AND I WILL NEVER SLEEP!" I yell into the darkness making her laugh.
"Shut the hell up you little bastard!" A voice calls down from above.
"Must be so nice to get those bad words you've been holding back all summer out, right Grunkle Stan?" I yell back.
"You're damn right you little shit! Now shut the hell up before I come down there and personally kick your slightly, bigger-than-me, ass!" I just laugh and start to put on my mask again before a hand closes over mine.
"Oh no, dude. You are going to sleep. C'mon man." I let (she was actually quite strong, damn) her pull me up the stairs where she promptly pushes the manotaur off the couch, ignoring the beast as he mumbles in his sleep. Afterward she pushes me on the couch and leaves.
"Alrighty then…" I try to get comfortable on the worn out cushion and start to close my eyes, "OOF!" When a small something lands on me at high velocity and a blanket slowly falls upon me and the unexpected visitor. I can't help but stare at her smile and lightly smile back. "You know-"
"Shut up and let this happen, Dip-king." She says and snuggles into me. I shrug and hold her close.
"Where did you get 'Dip-king' from?" I ask as she starts to nuzzle me.
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FUCK. My one weakness…Wendy.
How did she know?
"You're Dip-king because now you're the king of the idiots now." She points to herself.
"Hey. You are no idiot. You're better than me at a ton of things. You've got confidence, strength, social skills, looks, etc.…what have I got?" I ask to myself more than her. She slams her fist on my chest to emphasize the point she is about to make, making me cough.
"You're all that and more if you'd look in the mirror every once in a while…especially now that I can see what you'll become. You are incredibly intelligent, more mature than any other person I've met in even high school, and more patient than Thomson. And we've been torturing that guy since seventh grade," She chuckles in remembrance. "You are, officially, a dream boat, Dip-king." Whoa…
What?
"You…you really mean that? This isn't a trick is it? Because those words are eerily similar to what Mabeland you said and this is how I turned out." I explained to her.
"Damn dude, are you serious? That's…really messed up." She hides her face on my chest with a blush.
"Wendy?" I pull her face up to look into her eyes. "Are you hiding anything from me?"
"Well…it may have actually been a wish of mine, more so than blowing up the school." Well now I'm just fucking floored.
"Looks like both your wish and mine came true huh?" I smile dazzlingly down at her and she slaps my shoulder gently to show she doesn't mean it.
"That was cheesier than most of the movies we've watched together dude." She still smiled though so I'm off the hook.
"I'll take it."
Things really are changing.
X X X
We obviously and definitely didn't think this through since we were too tired and I guess hormonal to process exactly what the others may think. Though, while hindsight is twenty-twenty, the experience was well worth it. The screaming however was not.
"OH. MY. GOODNESS! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!" I heard my sis and was blinded by a click and a flashing light as I awoke from the dead. What the hell time is it anyway?
"Wha's goin' on?" The head resting on my chest lifted up to look around before focusing on me…the body underneath her. She went stiff as a board and gasped, blushing hardcore. Oh I smell blackmail!
"Mornin' gorgeous." I smirk and wink up at her before lying back against my hands. Huh…sure was breezy in here. I even forgot about Mabel for the few seconds I was awake.
Wow what a mistake I made.
"Dipper…WHERE'S YOUR SHIRT?!" Startled out of our revere, we watched as Mabel started running around in circles trying to comprehend exactly what was going on. The manotaur mumbled something about manliness in his sleep that went unheard by the three of us…plus Waddles.
"Um…"
"Wendy what are you doing ON TOP OF DIPPER?!"
"Um…"
"Waddles…WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"
"Oink..."
"What, the hell, is going on here?! I know it's some kinda weird Armageddon going on outside, but we still need sleep you little monsters!" A mass of flesh walked into the room before my great uncle Stan did. God I need to forget about that. His gut could keep anyone awake at night if they stare for too long.
"Wendy was sleeping on Dipper!" Mabel screeched as loud as she could to wake up everyone in the house. But by the time they looked back at the couch, the blanket and I were gone, leaving somewhat-traumatized Wendy Corduroy.
X X X
Getting down to the lab was a synch. Uncle Stan's cataract was bad enough, but in the morning he's basically blind, deaf, and dumb in both senses. I just had to walk behind the couch after Mabel looked away and then behind Stan when they looked back at the couch. Why am I talking about what I did? I dunno…it felt cool at the time. Writing it down…it does seem kinda lame.
Shit.
As soon as I got down into the basement to start on the next leg, I heard a couple of slams from one door, some yelling, and a shit-ton of stomping. It was quiet for a while but I could hear the sounds of running water. How is that still possible? I thought the plumbing went kaput?
After a while, I heard more stomping and yelling and just general unpleasantness that is my family, the mythical creatures of the forest, and surprisingly Wendy before the elevator that leads to the basement let me know I had a visitor. When they got close enough to hear me, I began to communicate as well-mannered and nicely as I could possibly be.
"I profusely apologize for leaving you back there, but I know Stanley would have had a conniption if he found out I was actually underneath you instead of on top of you," I turn to my immensely gorgeous intruder with my patented smirk. "I'm sure you'd have done the same if it was your dad that poked his head in there." I stretch a little and find my old shirt. Deciding immediately that sleeves were overrated, I ripped them off before putting it on. Better fluidity of movement helps with welding and blacksmithing. Plus it means less of it can catch on fire. I think I'm hot stuff now…but I'd rather not become the Flaming Torch.
What was I talking about?
"I know, Dip. You don't have to explain everything to me. I totally understand how weird it is…considering I'm only fifteen and you're…you know…years ahead of me." Uh oh…that will not do for me, nay-nay. I spin her around and bring her into a hug.
"Listen, I know I'm smelly and gross but I swear you will enjoy this, and it will be over quickly. But I am still twelve-years-old. I just have the body and mind of a nineteen-year-old. So if anything, this is weirder for me than it is for you," I pull apart gently from her and give her a wink and a good thumbs-up. "Maybe we can find some middle ground here, you know? Just think about it. And would you be just the dearest and grab me more machine parts? This stuff is incredible!" I walk back to my work station and crack my knuckles. I could barely hear her whisper what she said next but it did give me pause and a reason to smile more.
"Enjoy the little things, huh…?" She smiled broadly and walked off to help and I pumped my fist.
HOORAY FOR MATURITY AND REFERENCES LONG LOST!
X X X
"This is the last of the metal I was able to find. Luckily, the Manotaur and Multi-bear helped out with the rest. The first arm is almost attached so they're helping McGucket out with that at this very moment." Wendy gave me the rundown, leaning oh, so, provocatively against a giant mound of metal. She's still wearing yesterday's clothes. My mind runs rampant at the possibilities. Why am I such a pervert all of a sudden?
"Finally, some alone time with my best friend huh?" I sigh wistfully as I continue my work. These wires became a pain in the ass overnight. My huge fingers couldn't possibly make anything worse for me.
"Here, let me see those." Wendy leaned over my shoulder to grab the strings of metal and tied them together…exactly how I was going to tie them.
"How'd you know the wires needed to be connected in that specific order? I don't have any notes about the mechanical wiring system down here do I?" I look around for the blue prints but couldn't find them.
"I…may or may not have been watching you tinker with the wiring yesterday and today." She brushes a lock of hair behind her ear nonchalantly as if she wasn't still leaning over my shoulder. Fuck I can feel her muscles against my back along with…those. But that's not the important part…
"Wendy! Were you watching me whilst I wasn't looking?" I playfully gawk at her in surprise and she gives me a playful shove.
"What? Like you haven't ever done that to me. A girl can feel when someone is staring at their body. Call it women's intuition." She crosses her arms with a smirk as I look at her. I shrug.
Seems legit.
"So why were you watching me? There's not much to look at besides a tinkering ol' kid. You, on the other hand, do amazing things and stunts I've never seen anyone else do. Climbing a tree with your belt, fighting monsters anyone else would have run away from, driving without a license, and jumping the new ravine in Gravity Falls…compared to you I'm still just…a kid Wendy. All I have going for me is that, somehow, I can create a bomb with almost anything. Did you know to make a flashbang all you need are a bottle of toothpaste, bug spray, and aluminum foil? I didn't until a few minutes ago when I wanted to add some secret devices into the robot." I slump against the half-arm I made. It's very difficult when people expect things from you and you have to deliver. But I will do it for my family…and for her.
"Why do you always sell yourself short, man? You are helping to build a friggin' robot. Not many nineteen-year-olds can say that, so imagine how many twelve-year-olds can say that they did something as amazing as that. Plus we have been going against everything in this town since I first met you. You've done some pretty crazy shit, too," I look at her with a smirk at what she said. "Hey, I'm a Corduroy. I'm man enough to curse. It's just nice that it isn't in front of a kid."
"Damn it Wendy. Even when I don't want to smile or laugh, you make it happen," I shake my head in exasperation but I do chuckle nonetheless. "I appreciate you helping me with this. However…now I want to see exactly what you have been watching me do. If you can somehow connect the wiring into the system, I'll be able to work on constructing the device that allows one user, per arm and leg, to use this bad boy," I pat the large arm, "however they please to take down Bill's minions. I wonder if we still have some unicorn hair lying around…that would take away our disadvantage." She frowns a little in contemplation and sits down next to me to start handling the wires delicately. Since her hands are smaller than mine now, it is a big help to me that she do that faster than I possibly could.
"What disadvantage could we possibly have? What about the force field around the house?" She begins to take out the wires I put throughout the arm and starts to connect them one by one. When she incorrectly puts a clump of the cords together, I delicately remind her that those particular little rascals don't go that way. Don't want her getting too pissed off on our project. This is one of the longest times I've ever got to spend with her alone.
"The disadvantage we have is this; while I did help protect the Shack with a magical spell, I have not been able to do the same with these ligaments. As of now the torso of this robot will be invincible to Bill and his magic. But these parts will stick out like a sore thumb since we haven't any enchantments placed upon them. Ironically our biggest Achilles Heel is the parts of the house that can do damage. If Bill rips any one of these from the house, we may just lose everybody. But I have a plan for that." I smile evilly at her. I find myself doing that a lot. Like I feel we are about to dip our hands in the world's biggest cookie jar to get the tastiest cookies in all the land.
"What's the plan? You got me all curious now, poindexter." She leans in close and I could smell she took a shower before coming back down.
"Well…you see…there's this thing…"
X X X
Does anyone know that feeling one gets when the end of the world is nigh, adrenaline is pumping through the veins at speeds that can only be matched by those in life or death situations causing a fight or flight response? Nothing can be done but those two simple things that are caused by life-preserving thoughts such as being hunted down like prey being chased by the fastest predator known to man?
Yeah…I'm not feeling it.
"McGucket! I need that mechanical arm, in the shack, now!" I yell down from the top of the unicorn-haired, soon-to-be-robotic building.
"Why, it's down here where I am!" A psychotic laugh protruded from the underbelly of magically fortified Mystery Shack. I pinch the bridge of my nose already too frustrated to properly deal with the maniac. For half the day, it's been like this; I find all of the machinery gone to the wrong part of the building courtesy of one Fiddleford McGucket.
"It belongs up here where arms go!" I yell back getting a nervous chuckle in response. Honestly, someone should have said something to the crazy old man. Stanley himself was down there…supposedly "handling the construction" so he said. With Stanford gone, all of my side-projects have been put on hold for the moment since I have to watch over this band of bumbling buffoons. Nice alliteration there, me.
"We'll help him move this MANLY arm to the top of the building Dipper Pines." One of the Manotaur yelled. Was that Chutzpar? I don't know and I don't really don't care.
"Whatever. Just do what you can for now. I'm going to work on the sword. Hopefully Testosteraur comes back with some good loot. There's probably some metal nearby to smelt right?" On cue with almost the comedic timing of the gods themselves, a car alarm starts to go off before being silenced with a very audible crunching noise following.
Someone is going to be very unhappy when they get back and they're missing a car…or two.
"I believe so, yes." He nodded and went straight back to work, promptly tearing the metallic limb from the house…by himself.
"Uh-oh," And like that, gravity took over and the house fell on its side. How did the house and I survive that? "And that's why smarts beat brawns any day." I pick myself, my work, and my desk all back up and proceed as if nothing had happened.
So far all we have completed are two of the arms and a single leg. The first arm is going to be holding a gigantic sword. A personal invention of mine and McGucket's that came from one of Ford's stash of journals labeled "Inventions" that turns out to have been a bunch of manga and anime (I really did not want to know why) with my own little touches here and there. But either way, one of my favorite things growing up was imagining a giant robot fighting with the exact sword that had been made for this occasion. Dreams really do come true…if you're mad as a hatter and just as smart.
The next arm is quite simply a canon. Nothing super or fantastic about it…oh wait it's a fucking canon! And just to oversell it, this canon is made strictly from the metals of the UFO Ford had showed me what felt like eons ago. Metal so dense and hard I'm sure Bill would have a hard time penetrating it…and with this thought in mind I sheeted every piece of metal we have to form fit around the rest of the appendages stuck to the house. You never know when you need a backup plan from A-Z.
The legs are quite…difficult, as it were, since they had to be made with multiple machines stuck together in a way that made it more maneuverable. Like a foot. But! Since it has a car at the bottom it will move even faster without straining the shack as much as simply making the thing run without it. Kind of like a roller skate. The design for the next leg is going to have thrusters in it for flying round-house kicks!
…I'm totally an adult.
"Hey Dip-king! Anything I can do?" A red-haired goddess named Wendy just walked in.
Besides not being a distraction? "Nope, I think I have this. Thank you though." I smile at her over my formula. My next creation should be something to do with the body of the house itself. I kinda wanna overpower it, I kinda don't…oh hell, five more canons never hurt the people shooting them. Some thrusters on the back end that can rotate for liftoff purposes…oh! And I cannot forget to add air conditioning and cooling systems so the shack doesn't catch ablaze…it is still made from wood and all even with metal supports.
My musings were interrupted by a delightful derriere depositing itself upon my workbench. JESUS WOMAN, STOP IT.
Ahem.
"Something I can help you with my dear?" I look at her through my bangs, brushing them out of my face to give my full, undivided attention. Were her eyes always so stormy grey?
"So I have some ideas for the robot project if you wanna hear them out?" She practically begs. I get it, for the last day and a half she's felt useless. Not being able to do anything while her whole family is snatched in front of her very eyes and then having to watch their statues be stacked into a giant, horrifying throne for a maniacal, one-eyed, Dorito of death from another dimension on a television would make anyone pretty restless. It's why I haven't gotten any sleep.
I check her up and down pretending to think about it. Needless to say any idea she had I'd love to hear it, but making her sweat it out is just the sweetest of treats.
"Sure. I'd be amazed if you hadn't any plans. What can you show me?" What I was expecting was maybe a half-assed diagram maybe even with a stick figure here and there. I was NOT expecting this. I looked over it once, twice, the third time I'm sure my eyebrows were in my hairline.
"When did you come up with this and when were you going to tell me?" I asked her. I wish I had known about her drawing talents. It was amazing!
"Well…I came up with it yesterday when I heard what you were doing with house, but I was going to tell you last night before…you know…" Seeing her look away, flustered made me laugh a little.
"Before we…cuddled?" I finished for her, giving what I hoped was my most ruggedly handsome smirk. She looked away with a frown and I figured I may have overstepped my boundaries.
"Back to what you have in your hands…what do you think?" Still looking away she briefly puffs her cheeks out in annoyance and I chuckle once more.
"What you brought me was amazing. I wish you had brought it to me yesterday!" I exclaimed.
The diagram I had just received had some very detailed, aerodynamic, and most importantly explained blueprints of wings. Not just any wings either. Airplane wings. Airplane wings that might give me a cooler idea for the shack. But with the company we have I might just be able to pull off what most would consider the impossible.
"Nothing is impossible. Ford and this damn town taught me that the first day being here. With this I could turn the shack into something…deceivingly impressive," I looked at her and smiled brightly. "Wendy you are the greatest thing this world ever produced. Don't ever change." I love seeing her blush and look away. These girly sides she decides to show me are rare and for my eyes only. I feel very special just seeing it. She bashfully waves the compliment away as if it were nothing. Little did she know I'm constantly that way around her…being twelve and all that.
"It was nothing." I guffaw at her.
"Wendy you just handed me something that can change the fabric of this world's perception of reality in the most amazing of ways! We can stop Bill with this! This isn't "nothing". It is mind blowing," I exclaim, jumping out of my chair. "Where did you learn stuff like this anyway? Your dad doesn't seem too…smart." I try to be very cautious mentioning any of her family. It's all a touchy subject from her mom to her father and brother, the latter for obvious reasons and she never talked about her mom before.
"My mother taught me since she was an engineer for the Airforce," speak of the devil…, "and ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a pilot because of her. I never brought it up to my father because of my mom's passing." Well fuck my life I feel like a bigger dick than usual. Getting up to hug her was an easy decision.
"I'm sorry. I had no idea this was such a touchy subject. I should have figured that out sooner. So much for being a genius right? And is that how you were able to figue out my wiring patterns…? Wendy, that's genius!" I looked at the chuckling young woman in my arms. Still as wonderful as the day I met her, only dirtier, with messed up hair, and small tears welling up like a storm in her eyes. To me she's perfect.
"So long as you don't start banging your head into rock to break them I think you'll be fine." She joked and hugged me back tighter.
"Well isn't this a touching moment?" A gruff voice behind me made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
"Aren't you supposed to be supervising and overseeing the construction? I thought you wanted to be in charge." I smirk challengingly at him. He harrumphed at me and strolled over making me forget he actually owned the place. Pretentious asshole…
"It was getting boring so I thought; 'Hey! If someone's gonna have fun it'll be me.' And it just turns out ruining moments is my favorite oblivious thing to do. What're you two young whippersnappers up to?" He leaned up against my desk to look over my shoulder at the blueprints scattered around. I pile them up so that I can hold something over his head before going back to hold Wendy. If she wasn't pushing me away I wasn't leaving.
"Just some ideas Wendy and I had. You wouldn't be interested in them anyway." I try to nonchalantly throw him off.
"You saying that makes me wanna know even more now." He crosses his arms to flex his point across. Stupid old man.
I sigh.
"These are the plans for the shack. We have a lot of stuff to make up as fast as we possibly can. I want this all done by tomorrow to attack. We're lucky Bill is cocky enough to have left us alone this long. Also you, leaving McGucket to do whatever he wants, led to the house falling on its side. Thanks for that." I leaned back into the desk with Wendy still held in my arms. It was awkward, but somehow it worked. At least Stan had the decency to look bad for that one.
"Yeah well…he's creepy and all he'd talk about, from what I could understand, was that his raccoon wife was an incessant chatterbox."
"Sounds like a certain Mabel whom we all know would never want to spy on us from a window I can perfectly see through." I look back at her before hearing a squeak and watching her poofy hair disappear from the window pane.
"You got some wicked hearing, kid." Grunkle Stan told me with a chuckle.
"We also have this weird twin thing. I know when she's spying for two reasons: she's a heavy breather when she sees something cute and I know when she's watching me even when she thinks I can't tell." Wendy looks up at me in confusion.
"How long was she there?" She asked.
"I felt a disturbance in the Twin Force a few minutes after you came in but I wasn't bothered." I shrug my shoulders.
"Do we have time for this bit?" Stan asks grumpily. I sigh in utter regret and hang my head in shame.
"I'm afraid not. We have a lot to do and a bunch of things to incorporate to the house and if we wanna get them done we better start now." I nod to both of them before getting to work and heading downstairs to discuss the latest projects with McGucket.
X X X
"DIPPER!" I fell off the rafter I had fallen asleep on and laid on the ground for a few moments wondering what life is, who I am, why the sky was blue and is now red, and why I found myself on the ground when I had been up there when memories of yesterday came flooding back to me.
"I left my damn lug wrench up there."
"Dipper! It's done!" The piercing voice of my twin now-younger-in-appearance-sister ate away at my remaining brain cells before I was able to piece together what she said and sat bolt right up.
"It's finished…?" My gaze was distant as an excitement unlike any other ran through my veins at the prospects.
I'm beginning to feel it!
Mabel nods her head rapidly with a shit-eating grin plastered to her face. "C'mon, slow poke, we got ourselves a town to rescue!" She whooped and hollered all the way back into the shack that had somehow re-righted itself and was planted firmly into the ground as if it hadn't just been flipped over the day before. Looking at my watch, it had been approximately…sixteen hours since that incident. How long was I asleep for? Probably not long enough.
"When in Rome…" I shrug, brush myself off, and walk inside to see Grenda being outfitted with clothes that had light bulbs sticking out from every part of her body like most green screen action-sequenced actors wore for animated films. But there was supposed to be two of them so where was-
"I'm not coming out! These clothes are stupid and whoever designed them should feel bad!" I hear from the bathroom near the kitchen. I slowly knock on the door with no small amount of humor.
"Hey sunshine…yeah. I made those clothes while you were asleep." A voice from the other side nearly threw me from the door.
"And you should feel bad!" She punched a hole through the door so I could look at her seething expression.
"Aww Love…are you tired and cranky? I know a good way to wake you up!" I practically sang with a teasing smile. I'm so glad it's early now.
"I will slowly skin you with a rusty spoon and put your skin into homemade chili which I will then proceed to feed to your family." She threatened me and before I could retort, she came out looking sheepish and trying to not make eye contact with the residents of the shack.
"Let's get this show on the road! I wanna find and kick that triangle's flat butt!" Mabel cheered from the center of the room prompting everyone to go ballistic while I pulled Wendy aside.
"You know we don't care what you look like right?"
"Yeah, but-"
"And you know that you're going to kick some serious ass right?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Then what's the problem?" I looked her straight in the eyes.
"But what if I mess up?" This is the one time I have ever seen her so vulnerable, even more so than when she and Robbie broke up. She was terrified. I could only smile and chuckle and told her what I thought before she could punch me.
"Wendy. You are the strongest person I know. I've told you this before, but even with the way I am now I still have doubts about myself but you…I trust you with my life because I know and have faith in your ability to help me and the rest of us nip this in the bud. You are and will always be the most badass chick ever to enter my life." I smile.
"You mean besides me right?" Mabel called out jumping between us, ruining a perfect moment.
"Damn it, sis, I was being incredibly adult and you ruined it." I squint at her with a frown.
"You love me and you know it, bro-bro. Now come on I want to go and stomp a new hole into Bill and his rag-tag group of lame-o monsters!" She excitedly yelled again running around in a circle. I shake my head at her antics before turning and holding my hand out to Wendy, still clad in the light bulb outfit. I was ready as ever to take this fight to them for once.
"Are you ready Wendy?" After a moment's hesitation, she determinedly takes my outstretched hand.
"Yeah. Let's fucking get this done." I smile wider at her choice of words.
"Glad to be rubbing off on you."
"You better not be especially in my shack young man! If I ain't getting any, neither are you jumbo shrimp." I hear Grunkle Stan in the back making me blush bright red.
"You shut the hell up old man before I make you," I can never win with my family. Everybody else just laughed at us and I missed Wendy's face turning tomato for a moment before I turned around. "I'll show you where you will be in all of this. It'll be like a giant robot tree house or Pacific Rim, depending on which you prefer. This will be so fun! I even added an extra feature since you gave me some epic plans to work with." I wink at her and pull her along, our hands never breaking apart.
X X X
"You ever wonder what exactly Bill is doing up in his tower of terror," I ask from beside Grenda and Wendy. "Is he getting bored? Does Time Baby even know what's going on and is going to stop him or is it just going to be us? These are questions I need answered damn it!"
"Can we just get back to what we were doing? I still need to learn how to use the canons." Wendy complained and Grenda nodded her head with stars in her eyes.
"I wanna make things explode!" Grenda yelled, punching her fists together.
"Were you always this terrifying?" I ask her.
"We haven't conversed together enough to gauge exactly what personality traits the other has." Her gravelly voice somehow putting me more on edge than anyone in the house ever could. But why was she being so philosophical? I shook my head to clear those thoughts and get back to the plan of action.
"Okay…well for the canons that will be easy to explain; you two won't be controlling them. You'll just be aiming and when you are ready, Stan, the Manotaurs, and I will all be firing. We have five canons in the "chest" compartment of the house. Until it comes time for the special features I added to the house, you two will not be firing any kind of mortars. You'll know when that will be and it will be even cooler than all of the canons. Like a canon Gatling gun. Oh I get chills just thinking about." I start to cry out in triumph in my head.
"Are you saying that the stuff you added is going to be some sort of fl-" I put my hand over Wendy's mouth.
"Please don't. Let me have this one thing to surprise everyone here with. You and I know and that is all that matters." I sigh in relief, glad she wasn't able to share anything aloud. "Now, when the time comes to jump ship to go into the pyramid, Wendy, you will be switching out with Candi. The robot house will be using its flaming sword by then to cut down anyone in our way as we stop Bill once and for all and I know Candi is good with any kind of weaponry.
"How do you know that?" Grenda eyed me suspiciously.
"She is Asian. Despite being stereotypical and racist, I'm sure she knows a thing or two about swords. Would you rather I got my sister to do it?" Getting a fast head shake from Grenda was all I needed to know. "Then that is my second reason. We can't trust Mabel around sugar, much less the power to destroy small, defenseless buildings in case this gets taken to a rural or suburban area." She nodded in understanding so I turn back to Wendy.
"So first we need to get Ford. That's the only reason we are going to that fortress of scariness. He will be the one to help us the most in stopping Bill because I have no idea," I roll up my sleeve to show off the tattoo I have on my arm, "how this works. But I will. I can feel it. This right here is our answer to stopping Bill." It was like it was calling me to remember some long lost information but every time I tried to think about I shook my head thinking "never mind all that" for some reason.
Weird.
"So how do these work?" Wendy motions to the two treadmills she and Grenda will be using and I smile in anticipation. I get to explain my work and it was exciting.
Sue me. I dare you.
"That, my wonderful lab rat, is how you will be moving the shack. You run at the same speeds and Grenda, since your legs are shorter than Wendy's, I have Wendy's calibrated to match your pace and it will switch back once Candi steps on to make it even for both of you. Don't ask me how since I don't want to explain every little thing, just know I'm awesome and we can move on." I move over to the gloves situated on either side of both treadmills and pick one up. "These amazing, form-fitting gloves are what you will be using to control the robot's arms. When one of you moves do not go against the movement as one moving will make the other automatically go in that motion. Usually it takes years and a bunch of simulations to get this down but we do not have that kind of time, nor do I have the inclination. This is, at best, a "wing-it" scenario as you can imagine. But both of you are adept at fighting and both of you listen to your instincts well enough to power this machine through the thickest of bullshit." Wendy raised her arm as if to ask a question at school and I laugh before pointing at her.
"So…theoretically…if one were in a joking mood when all of this is over…"
"No you may not play "Why Are You Hitting Yourself?" with my giant robot shack. Especially if it is somehow intact by the end of this to which I have a sneaking suspicion that it will not." Wendy pouted and Grenda raised her hand and I rolled my eyes at where this was going but allowed her to speak anyway.
"Can I make the big, scary triangle play "Why Are You Hitting Yourself"?" She asked her eyes seemingly devoid of life as if seriously considering this.
"If you can do it and get a video of it I will personally do whatever you want for a full week because I will piss myself laughing," Getting him back for nearly beating my own body's self up from the puppet incident reared its ugly, vengeful head in my mind. "On second thought, make that second priority to getting Ford back. I need that in my life. I'll play that before going to sleep every night. It'll be my white noise." I looked off into the distance just thinking about it. Wendy waves her hand in my face to get my attention and I look at her questioningly.
"Do you…think we could test it out now?" I smile brightly at the wonderful question presented.
"By all means, please. Try it all out. Figure out the movements, get the flow going, do whatever you gotta do. Work it out between you two on how you will move when fighting. That will be the most important part. You will be getting out of your comfort zones for this, ladies, and I need you at the top of your game. We have three hours and I need something to eat. Want anything girls?
"CHOCOLATE!" Grenda screamed, putting on the HUD helmet connected to the "eyes" of the shack the gloves, and specially designed shoes for the treadmill.
"Will you be cooking today?" Wendy asked hopefully. I guess she was getting tired of Mabel's pancakes like me. Looks like I'll be grabbing from the emergency supply fridge Ford made ages ago to keep food from aging and getting moldy.
"Definitely. I'll surprise you." I wink at her and head downstairs to cook and grabbed a box of dark chocolate from the cupboard and punched in the code to the vending machine, looking around to make sure no one knew where I was going or what I was doing. I think everyone else was still asleep, what with Stan's snores reverberating around the shack. I smirked and went down into the dark to find food to make for myself and Wendy before everyone wakes up and wonders where all the food came from. Luckily I knew of the fridge Ford made when I told him about the bunker of his that we found during the game of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons. He mentioned it in passing and showed it to me while he was finishing up a very amazing map of his newest dungeon and I was exploring his workshop.
"Now let's see what you got hiding in here," I opened the fridge to see a most wonderful sight. There was so much golden delicacies. "Fucking jackpot," I pick up a super old can of soda to see what it was, "what the hell is Cactus Cooler?" I shrug and take a few. I don't care if Stan complained about how it smelled greasy and that he won't have any but oh well. Not for him, no-no.
X X X
"And here you go, Love," I set a heaping plate of bacon down in front of her before holding a box of Swiss chocolate out to Grenda who took it before staring longingly at the bacon making me laugh. "You'll have to fight over the bacon with Wendy if you really want it. Or just ask really nicely if she'll share a bite with you." Trying not to have a fight between these two will be a good start. It was already hard enough considering the second I started making food everyone wanted a piece and I threw many a Manotaur and Stans out of the damn kitchen. Hell, Pacifica even wandered in at one point thinking I was her servant, Evergreen or whatever, before nearly fainting when she saw my face.
Was it something I said?
"Yeah it's fine," She allowed Grenda to take three pieces of bacon and I then watched her take a bite of one and I could almost feel the regret of her decision to share roll across her whole body. "Oh sweet baby Jesus…"
"I know exactly how you feel. I didn't realize I could cook. I mean, yeah, it is bacon and most people couldn't ruin bacon but I didn't know how you liked yours but this is how I like mine." I could see her sit down to enjoy every moment with the strips of deliciously salted fatty meat.
"Lightly chewy strips with just the right crispness to not take away the flavor completely. My dad just burns them to a crisp to where if you even bend the damn thing it breaks in two." Wendy replied mouth full of bacon making me laugh hard at her.
"I'm really glad you like it," I sit next to her and watch as Grenda tries over and over to steal another strip. "That good?" I ask her in amusement. She nods her head, defeated, stuffing her face full of chocolate after giving up on the idea of even getting another slice from the redhead. I pop the top on the soda and take a sip looking at the can in shock. Wendy noticed and looked at me expectantly. I hand her the soda for her to taste and she recoils as well.
"Where did you get this? It looks super old but it is very refreshing."
"I know! I've never even heard of it before today, but if it went out of business I am really surprised. If it didn't I need to find more and soon so I can stockpile." I popped another can and threw one to Grenda who took a tentative sip before chugging the can.
"Grenda wants MORE!" She exclaimed, smashing the can into her forehead.
"You'll get another just before the fight to rile you up and then another assuming it all survives the oncoming destruction we'll wreak upon the monsters of this town." I pat her shoulder reassuringly. I believed all of us would make it. We had to. Not just for ourselves but the whole world. No pressure.
"How long do we have before we head out to fight?" Wendy asked with a mouth full of bacon making me cringe lightly. Mabel did it all the time so I'll try to get over it. I look at my watch and frown in thought.
"Honestly I'm surprised Bill hasn't made his move yet. Maybe we'll get the drop on him? Either way, Bill being cocky or not, we need to leave soon. This gives us more of a chance to surprise him and not allow him to plan against anything we can try. I guess, to answer your question, we should leave in about an hour. So get prepped. We have so much to do today." I smile at Wendy and walk out of the room to plan.
Today will be…exciting, if nothing else.
X X X
So…I have no excuse. But I am trying to write longer chapters while I can. Hopefully better content will be on the way, but I am a very busy man. Gotta totally not sell them weeders to anybody. That's not my job. What're you talking about? Who said anything about these "weeders" you speak of? I didn't bring it up…
Tootles.
(Update: 2/7/19 It has been completed. This is how my chapter is SUPPOSED to look I think…hope you all enjoy!)