Severus felt like Willow was withdrawing from him, which was one of the reasons Severus hadn't told Willow of his crush. The other reason was that his crush is on Willow's sister.
Severus felt that every time he talked about Lily or hung out with her, Willow would retract from him, so much so that, if he didn't know any better, he'd say that Willow disliked his sister.
Willow always glared at Severus when he brought the female redhead up, or he tried to switch topics quickly, sometimes outright ignoring him. It would be easier for Severus to overlook if he didn't get a feeling of guilt every time Willow looked away. Sometimes, if Severus was quick enough, he would see a glimpse of hurt on Willow's face before it was schooled into a sneer or disinterest.
His feelings started to confuse him; his crush on Lily was driving a knife between him and his best friend. He hadn't even told Willow yet. Another, smaller feeling would sometimes overcome him when he saw Willow too, a feeling that was dwarfed when he saw Lily, but similar.
Greeting the twins when they entered the compartment on their way to their fourth year was the first time he had seen them since leaving the train in third, the twins having been taken to France by their father and sister as an apology for lying about the male twin's heritage.
"Severus! We got you some presents," Lily started, bringing out a couple of parcels wrapped in orange. Severus could feel warmth blooming in his chest at the sight of the short girl, his face heating up as he took the parcels. Willow looked away, but Severus could swear he saw red tinging the other boy's cheeks. A feeling reminiscent of the one he had when he saw Lily filled him. Severus felt his gut bottom out, he didn't really want to think that he could have those kinds of feelings for both Evans, even though his heart filled with joy at the sight of the pair.
Willow looked at the man who stood before him with hard eyes. The man who was so familiar, and yet, not at all, who had never shown any sign of confronting him in the last three years, who he probably wouldn't have known existed if he didn't open and close all feasts every year and was sat in the middle of the teacher's table at every meal.
"Headmaster," Willow intoned politely, his teeth clenched slightly when the man smiled—though he was curious why he found that twinkle in the man's eye comforting.
"If I may be so bold as to commandeer young mister Evans, I would like a word with him in private," the man spoke directly to Lily, like he was asking her permission, which Willow was almost grateful for (but also was a little freaked out by).
"Um, of course, Headmaster," Lily spoke hesitantly, sharing a confused look with her brother. Willow sighed internally.
"I'll see you at breakfast," he told her quietly, nudging her to follow her housemates. Severus had already been drug away by some Slytherin boys (whom Willow didn't like at all) and had promised to see him later in their shared dorm.
"Sir?" Willow asked when the two of them were the last people standing by the door to the Great Hall. Dumbledore didn't speak, only motioned for him to follow.
Willow was strangely content, walking behind the man, knowing without knowing that they were on their way to the older man's office. Willow followed obediently, noting the route as familiar, and stopped beside a griffin statue with a smirk on his face.
"Bonbons," Dumbledore spoke with a chuckle when Willow's eyes shone with mirth, the boy's smirk staying in place; Dumbledore's passwords always made him crave sweets.
Willow smirk dropped into a thoughtful scowl. He'd never heard Dumbledore's passwords, how would they make him crave sweets? Willow pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind as he followed behind Dumbledore, up the spiral staircase that appeared underneath the rising griffin.
"Please sit," Dumbledore started, waving at the chair across from his, "bonbon?" Dumbledore offered a plate piled high with small chocolates. Willow plucked one off the plate and sat in the offered chair slowly, eyeing the man warily.
"Am I in trouble, sir?" Willow asked before nibbling at the sweet in hand. Dumbledore chuckled lightly, taking his seat with a grace Willow had never fully mastered himself.
"Not at all my boy," the man spoke, his voice light. But there was something calculating in the man's eye that Willow did not like.
"It has come to my attention that there are a few oddities about you," the man spoke decisively, templing his fingers before him and leaning forward in his seat. Willow felt his insides freeze.
"Oddities?" He asked shakily, unsure if this visit would be a good one.
"Don't be upset with Minerva, but she informed me of your ability to see thestrals, as well as the revelation you received quite spitefully about your heritage," the headmaster told him lightly, leaning back until he was sitting straight up.
"Those were both years ago," Willow informed him. Dumbledore didn't seem surprised—if anything, he looked amused and faintly sad.
"I thought it best to wait to speak with you until after you and your sister were once more comfortable together," Dumbledore told him hesitantly. Willow clenched his teeth, setting the half-finished bonbon on the desk, unconcerned about getting the wood dirty.
"What do you remember from before you were adopted?" the older man asked, looking down at Willow. Willow had a distinct feeling that Dumbledore was trying to be subtle.
"Nothing. Until two years ago, I didn't even know I was adopted," he answered truthfully. Dumbledore didn't look like he believed him, his eyebrows drawing down into a small frown.
"Nothing at all?" he pressed, the twinkle in his eye hardening into something that almost scared Willow.
"N-no Sir."
Dumbledore ended the session with a smile and asked him to come to him if he ever remembered anything. Willow agreed, though he had absolutely no intention of doing so.
Willow felt sick when he saw Severus sitting with other fourth-year boys. He wasn't sure why, but he felt a burning feeling bubble up in his gut at the sight of them.
"Willow," Severus started before yelping when Willow grabbed his wrist and pulled the other boy to their shared dorm. The other Slytherin boys were sneering at him before they disappeared from sight.
"What's wrong with you?" Severus bit out, rubbing his sore wrist. Willow tensed, looking anywhere but at Severus.
"I don't like them, Severus, I get this sick feeling in my gut, like, they aren't good for you," Willow admitted, sitting with his back to Severus.
"Willow," Severus started, forcing his friend to look at him. He was startled to see tears in his red-rimmed eyes.
"What did you and Dumbledore talk about? It was him right? Some Slytherin's saw him talking to you, if he hurt you, I swear to Merlin I'm gonna..." Severus steamed, listing all the things he planned on doing to the Headmaster.
Willow stopped him with a wet chuckle, throwing his arms around his friend and burying his face in black robes. Severus was startled at first, but ended up rubbing his friends back until they both fell asleep on the redhead's bed.
"He asked what?" Lily asked incredulously, watching both boys with a critical eye.
"He wanted to know what I remembered from before mum and dad adopted me," Willow repeated, slouching in a way he had been avoiding for the last few years.
"He knows something," Severus whispered between them. They were huddled together in Slughorn's class, their potion already done thanks to Lily and Severus, the two geniuses at potions, and thanks to being the odd man out, Willow shared a table with both of them.
"I wouldn't doubt it. That man gives me the impression of knowing much more than he should," Lily told them. They would have continued if another Slytherin's cauldron didn't explode.
Two months into the school year Willow was woken from a dream in tears. This dream was different, kind of. It wasn't a war he saw, it was actually a nice quiet dinner with a table full of redheads. Well, quiet was a relative term—it wasn't filled with death, at least.
The funny thing was, he saw the meal through the eyes of someone, like a memory, just like his nightmares with the older Severus.
Something giddy started to bubble up in his chest as he wiped his tears away. Looking over to the bed next to him, Willow smiled softly, seeing the peaceful face of his best friend. An overlay of another black-haired boy lying exactly like Severus came to mind with a flash of green eyes.
He frowned. Seeing the boy with the bright green eyes, very reminiscent of his sister, Willow's mind went to James Potter. And with James Potter, thoughts on the rest of his gang followed.
They had been acting weird all year, extra secretive and more withdrawn. They had only insulted Lily, Severus, and himself a handful of times over the course of their two-month stay.
He got this feeling in his gut that he needed to remember something important. Like the time with Lupin and the werewolf memory.
It was actually connected somehow. Remembering the dreams of dogs and rats, Willow stood and slipped his arms into his school robes while striding across the room. His bare feet were cold as he walked on the stone floor, ignoring the slippers that had been at the foot of his bed.
Tonight was a full moon, he knew Lupin would be locked away somewhere where he would be safe—Willow shook his head. No—where the students would be safe. Why would he care about a student that hates him?
Looking both ways, Willow left his common room with little more than a glance back, walking further into the school than he probably should have.
He was lost in thought about dogs and rats and werewolves when he stopped, his eyes catching a small, quickly-moving shape across the hall.
"Petrificus Totalus" Willow muttered, waving his wand and pointing at the creature. The spell hit, causing a small squeak. Willow was surprised when he picked up the small rat. It was so small, like a baby rat. It looked at him with beady eyes.
A sense of calm conflicted with disgust as he walked back to his common rooms, but Willow just assumed the disgust was that there was a rat, a baby rat at that, living in the castle. He shrugged mentally as he walked back.
When he got back to his commons he transfigured a goblet that had been left in the main area into a small cage and put the rat in it before ending the body bind spell. He'd get a better cage when he went to Hogsmeade.
Potter and his crew were especially irritating for the next few days, with a surprising lack of the small blonde one, Pettigrew.
Some teachers had pulled everyone aside and informed the school that one of the students—Peter Pettigrew—had gone missing and if anyone sees him then to please report to them. Willow was filled with guilt, but he didn't know why.
Severus commented on Willow's rat and offered to help him find supplies to take care of him. Lily was disgusted at the thought of a rat as a pet and ordered him to keep the thing in his room if he didn't want her killing it. Willow was horrified and made a pact with Severus to keep the rat under lock and key, lest it get free and his sister kill it.
The new cage Willow had for his rat (now named Scabbers) was small, for now. His roommates made it known that they would not appreciate him getting more than a foot or two cubed cage. He shrugged that off and planned on getting a bigger one for when he got home. The small rat had everything. A place to sleep, food, water, places to play, things to play with.
He didn't know why, but he wanted to give this rat everything he didn't have growing up, and that was another thing: Willow was split between this feeling of growing up with his twin, wanting for almost nothing and having a somewhat absent father and dead mother, and growing up well loved with a ton of siblings and both his parents loving him and being really poor.
He decided to just roll with it and hope it stays at a feeling, he doesn't need more flashbacks in the middle of class like his first year there.
The kid was still missing by the end of the year and many of the students were apologetic. Word got out that he was seen leaving the school at night and just never came back. His parents were notified and life went on. The funeral was set for the middle of summer.
Willow never did get his rat a new cage. His father informed them that he had been fired from his job—most everyone was since the place had gone under. It was a hard summer. Willow got a part-time job at the local grocers while Lily taught piano lessons and Petunia taught girls how to sew. Their father tried to find a job, but he was having little luck. Willow was surprisingly okay with this. It felt almost familiar, reminding him of that feeling of being poor. Well, now he knows just what it felt like, in both lives.
Sorry for the late post, my laptop didn't want to work yesterday, so I'm using the library at school.
Mars