There's just no place like home; as by the time we reached my house and showed Sara her room, I immediately ran into mine and lied in bed, falling asleep in no time; but it felt like it didn't last long when I was woken up by my phone ringing the next morning. I picked my phone up, and answered the call from an unknown number, my eyes still fighting the sunlight through my window.

"good morning sunshine, I got your email! What's up?" The lady at the other end of the line said;

I sat up, feeling surprised the moment I realized it was Emy.

"What the fuck happened to you?! Why haven't you been answering my calls and texts?!" I said, my shouting completely waking me up.

"I didn't receive anything! I saw your email and that was it." She excused.

As I was about to come back at Emy, Sara came rushing to my room, not bothering to knock—she just went and opened it and peeked inside.

"Jo? What happened? I heard shouting, is everything okay?" She said, coming towards me.

"It's… It's Emy.." I said, pointing to to my phone.

"I'm sorry?" Emy said on the other line.

"It's ugh… It's Sara, she heard me shout at you, she's here with me." I said, as Sara sit on the bed, watching and listening.

"I know! We've been in contact since you slept on her last night apparently you were snoring as early as 8 pm." Emy said.

I looked at Sara, feeling sorry that I didn't take care of her last night like a good host should.

"Shit I'm sorry." I said. I guess all the travelling ruined my body clock; it was a waste time and energy, had I known I would fly back to California in less than 48 hours, I would not have flown out to begin with.

"Anyway I'll be at your house in about an hour. Did Sara tell you yet?" Emy said.

"Tell me what? And what are you doing driving down to Santa Barbara? Aren't you staying in LA?" I asked.

"Well Lenny is in town and he wanted to see us so…"

"Lenny is in town?! How do I not know this?"

"you've been asleep for 19 hours… straight." Sara said.

Damn it.

It must have been my anti-depressants; I don't remember taking them, however I saw my pills bottles on the bedside table—so I guess I took them after all.

"yeah… Had you been answering our calls, you would've known." Emy said.

"I'm sorry okay? And also I don't have anything in stock right now, can't we just go out for brunch instead?" I said, remembering that I emptied my fridge before leaving for New York.

"Oh, I… I bought us groceries while you were asleep." Sara said.

I just nodded then;

"oh wait, looks like Sara already shopped for supplies. We'll wait for you. drive safely." I said.

"Oh god, jo, keep it together will you? see you in a bit, Bye!" Emy bid before ending the call.

I exhaled, as if my life depended on releasing the stress like this as I face Sara.

"I am so, so sorry." I said, palming my face.

Sara laughed; "it's okay… it's our fault why your body got messed up like that with all the travelling. Are you feeling any better?" Sara asked.

"yeah… I'm… surprisingly feeling energized despite my eyes failing me right this very minute." I said as my eyes start to feel heavy again.

"Come on, I brewed you some coffee." Sara said, as she leave the bed.

Much as I was embarrassed that I have left her all on her own, I was really surprised and rather flattered, that she just let me sleep while she did all the shopping and even the liberty to make me coffee.

"You just, gave me the keys, told me to open the room right beside yours and that's it. I opened the door, placed my bags inside and when I came back you were asleep." Sara said reminding me what I did last night as we prepare the marinade mix for the barbecue.

"…and did you get to have dinner last night? Damn it, I'm so sorry." I said, still feeling a little embarrassed.

"Well, I was starving but you didn't have anything in the kitchen so I called Emy, gave me restaurant suggestions that deliver with in town, and that's it. I'm an adult don't worry, it wasn't rocket science surviving a deserted house in Santa Barbara."

Shortly after we finished preparing the food we'll be cooking, Emy arrived—much earlier than we expected. I then took the chance to leave her and Sara to chat so I can sort of unwind alone in the backyard; on my bench, with a blanket, a book, a glass of wine and a lit cigarette.

But as I was halfway through the page I picked up from, Emy went out to call me in;

"Lenny's here!" Emy said, before running back inside the house.

I dropped everything and ran inside as well; I can't believe I'm seeing one of my college friends again after so many years of being in Canada.

I quickly went to the living room, and saw Emy hugging it out with Lenny;

"Oh my God what happened to you?!" I exclaimed, walking towards them as I observe Lenny's weight loss.

Lenny and Emy pulled away, as they both face me as I approach them.

I threw myself at Lenny, gave him a quick hug, and just pulled away soon as I realized he was not reciprocating.

"And who is this…. Girl?" He asked, pointing at me.

Emy and I paused, looking at eachother in confusion;

"Oh my God I'm kidding! Come on!" Lenny broke the ice, pulling me in for another hug.

"I missed you Claire!" He said behind my ear.

"Shut it, asshole." I said as we continue to hug.

I missed this; it suddenly felt like 2003 all over again—it was too much for a reunion; Sara, Emy,and Lenny all in one day, and I wouldn't choose any way else to spend a random weekday.

"so why did you take this, bitch in for the job again?" Lenny asked Sara over Lunch.

Sara gave a short laugh and said "well. to be honest she's got a great eye for detail and her works are just astonishing, very technical yet very artistic. We wouldn't trust anyone else"

Lenny frowned. "you just pirated one of my best free-lance artists, I'm gonna blame you for my downfall" Lenny said, recalling how I work for him as an artist for his music's artwork too, despite not having seen him in years, we remained in contact.

We all laughed but Lenny was starting to get a little serious, so we just stopped and went on to eat our food; and then Lenny busted out laughing out of nowhere. I swear to God, food could have flown out of my mouth. My friends are just crazy.

Now just when I thought this was the ultimate roster for this reunion, I realized that this won't be complete without Tegan. As soon as Tegan texted me that they have landed, I called them and offered my house to them too.

Lindsey and Tegan arrived just in time to prepare for dinner, so after I showed them their room, I went to the backyard to join Emy and Lenny and help with the grill.

Since Sara was busy with her book, I took the chance to talk to Emy about the voicemails and messages I sent her;

"Like I said I never received any of it. What number were you dialing anyway?" she asked.

I put out the blackberry Stacy gave me then scrolled down the contacts to show her the number. Emy looked at the number and gave off a short laugh.

"you're probably mistaken, that's not mine." I couldn't help but feel my stomach drop.

"are you sure?" I then took my iphone and checked the number Emy used to call me, to see if it's the same. apparently, it's not.

"holy mother." were all I could say.

I borrowed Emy's phone and dialed the number, and to my surprise, it was actually Stacy's "other" number.

All this time, I was updating Stacy. Now it makes sense why she showed up like that at the airport.

"why, what's wrong?" Emy asked.

"It's stacy's number." I said.

"..aaand, what's wrong with that?" she asked.

I then opened my sent items and showed it to Emy; she read it as she wiped her forehead dry from sweating due to the heat of the grill.

"holy shit" she said as she scroll through message by message.

"I even left her a voicemail, for Christ's sake" I said as Emy handed the phone back.

All this time, Sara and I thought someone's fishing information to Stacy, not knowing I was actually giving her the information first hand.

"why the hell were you using that phone for personal messages anyway?" she asked

I looked up at her in embarrassment and said "I was saving on credits".

Emy just shook her head, dropping the thongs she's been holding up this whole time.

"..but why the fuck was this number saved in your name in the first place? She did give me this phone after all. " Emy sat down on the bench as Lenny came up from the pool.

"She had to lend me that number when we left for Paris a month ago cause I didn't applied mine for roaming, I guess one of the crew who owned that phone before you, had it saved in my name. Don't assume such things, I don't think any of it was intentional" She said in her defense.

"Then why did she practically 'begged' me not to tell Sara she met me?" I asked

"well.. they have their issues, Stacy's shutting Sara out, I guess she didn't want an excuse to talk to Sara."

I'm getting weak in embarrassment and all I did was throw myself on the ground and bury my fingers on the grass of my backyard.

"I'm in so much trouble" I said, just lying there, savoring the dirt of the earth.

Emy laughed. "yeah you are."

She then continued grilling the beef, while Lenny sat down on the grass beside me. "So what's up with you and little miss 'goodbye goodbye'?" Lenny asked.

I shot him a furious look, and just sat up as I hit his shoulder. "there's nothing going on okay?"

Emy just darted us a look, laughing. "Gosh I feel so stupid. don't look at me like that" I said.

"you can give it a shot, I mean I can give you tips maybe you can turn her on like I did ." she said.

I shook my head and said "you, my friend have gone crazy."

I know Emy's all cool about that kind of 'exchange', but it just feels awkward to get this kind of blessing from her.

"stick that up your mother fucking self righteous ass. I saw the way you and Sara look at eachother, sparks are flying every-fucking-where" Lenny said, handing over a bottle of beer from the cooler beside him.

"Need any help guys?" We all jerked, upon hearing Sara from the sound of the back door opening.

"were you there all this time?" Lenny asked.

Sara darted him a confused look and just slowly shook her head.

"uh, no I just got out.. why?"

Lenny shook his head, while Emy and I are just looking at eachother in worry.

God please keep Lenny's mouth shut.

"nothing.." and then he went for his beer.

and just as Sara was approaching us, Lindsey came rushing right behind her.

"Jo! Come on in, I want to show you something." She said, holding the back door open.

Thank You sweet lord Jesus Christ.

I aint even Christian but I'm thanking heavens for Lindsey, taking me out of this situation.

"now what could that be." I said to myself, ignoring Sara as I sprint towards the house.

"What is it?" I asked, curiously wondering what that could be.

"Okay… promise me first, that whetever happens tonight, you're not gonna get mad at me."

Damn it.

This better not ruin my night.

"Sure… What… what is it?" I said.

Lindsey quickly unlocked her phone, and showed it to me.

"I posted this photo during your first night." Lindsey then opened the comments on our photo on her instagram;

"Read it."

Lindseybyrnes: too long old friend, too long. We missed you jojo! :heartemoji: #THEoriginalNEWYORKER

Dannysurfs: NO WAY

LindseyByrnes: Yes way

Dannysurfs: too bad I'm in CA now, are you in NY?

"So I sent her a dm, and told her we were in NYC the other night, and when Tegan told me all about what was going on, I told Danny we just flew here." Lindsey said.

I got a little nervous, and didn't know exactly how to react to that.

"What happened to you guys?" Lindsey asked as I give back her phone.

"well…" I started, walking with her to the living room.

Tegan then came down the stairs, following us as she saw me and Lindsey.

"Did you tell her about Danny?" Tegan said, joining us to the living room.

"yeah she did…" I said as we settle ourselves down the sofa.

"I'm really not sure what happened to us, she just left me one day and never heard from her since." I said.

Lindsey frowned in shock, her hands almost up on her mouth.

"What the fuck?" she asked.

"you've been with her for what… 3 years?" Tegan asked.

"2 years and 3 months… I moved with her to New York in 2008 and then she left just a year after that."

"was that… was that before your accident?" Tegan asked.

I just nodded, not wanting to open a can of worms.

"I mean there could be a reason why she left, right?" Lindsey said.

"I'd like to think it's my fault." I said. At this point, Tegan and Lindsey looked away, probably knowing what led to the break up. "I mean… let's be honest, it was… the worst time of our… our whole clique if I can call it that. Everything just went downhill. From Teresa starting that scandal, to Sara and Emy breaking up, and I was just torn between my career and wanting to get better from my addiction. Everyone's got their own business to mind"

"I honestly can't remember this person's face, I mean I sort of stalked her profile but I can't seem to recognize her." Tegan said, breaking the ice.

"recognize who?"

We all turned to the direction of the voice, seeing Sara. Seriously, why does she always end up popping out in the middle of a conversation like this?

"do you remember Danny? Jo's ex?" Tegan asked.

"Okay, yeah I remember the name but… Was this… was this the girl you moved in with in New York?" Sara asked, sitting down.

"yeah, that's her." Lindsey said, answering for me.

"oh, okay yeah, that puts a face to the name. what about her?" she asked

"well I met her in Florida about 2 years ago; a surfer's magazine featured her and I took the photos for the cover and the story, and she, surprisingly recognized me and we've been following eachother in social media since… and then the other night, I posted a photo of me and Jo together and she commented." Lindsey explained, as Sara listened in carefully.

"apparently they haven't had any closure since Danny literally left Jo." Tegan added.

"so now she's asking me if she could meet Jo again." Lindsey said.

"wait, first of all, I find it problematic that she didn't talk to Jo for so long and now she sees her in social media and can't even reach her herself and had to go through you." Sara said, looking annoyed as she would in situations like this.

"Second of all, Jo, do you even want to talk to her at all after all she did? I mean… I remember clearly how devastated you were when she left, she's practically a stranger to you now." Sara added.

"Well I've gotten her out of my system, and I almost forgot about how much it hurt when she left but…" I paused, thinking to myself that I might have been at fault her too.

"but what?" Sara asked.

"I feel like I also owe it to her if she wanted some closure." I said, trying to think rationally here now.

"why is that? Did you do anything that may have… led her to leave you?" Tegan asked.

I hesitated; but I am here in this situation where my friends are actually ready to listen.

"A year into the relationship, Danny was sober… and she… she relapsed because of me." The room fell silent.

"She always told me, that it takes` a saint, or a martyr to love someone like me. I guess she was right, cause despite her being that big of a douche bag to leave without saying anything, it was probably the best thing she ever did…"

No one spoke; no one dared to question that statement because I'm sure the 3 of them know so well how that was true.

"Linds, you can tell her to come tonight if she wants to join us for dinner." I said.

Lindsey looked rather surprised, but she picked her phone up right away.

"are you sure? I mean… are you ready to see her in such short notice?" She asked.

"yeah, like, maybe you need to process this first?" Tegan added.

"I've done enough processing in the last 5 years I haven't seen everyone, I'm sure I won't easily get on a rage or just break down in front of her. It's not like I loved her like I loved y—" I paused, as I felt like I was giving out too much of myself yet again to the same people that I stayed away from.

"Anyway.." I shook my head.

"I think Emy and Lenny needs help with the dinner, Sara? You said you'll be cooking some stew?" I said, standing up.

"Yeah, right." Sara said, joining me.

"OH shit I need to prepare that salad too." Tegan added, as she stood, and quickly ran to the kitchen.

"I'll catch up with you guys, I'll just call Danny." Lindsey said, navigating through her phone.

"That's probably her." Lindsey said, as the doorbell rang as we set the table.

I felt my stomach drop yet again, and my skin erupt in goose bumps.

I gave one last sigh before walking to the front door, carrying with me a million thoughts, and probably another million scenes of how this night's reunion would go down. I would've never imagined having to deal with this now; but I don't think there's a better time for this but now.

I answered the door, picturing Danny standing there, wearing her usual smile, and flipping her long brunette hair around like she usually does when she's nervous. But I saw this tall tan girl in a blonde pixie, her back facing the door and I just couldn't figure who she was.

This can't be her.

"Can I help you?" I said.

Upon hearing me, she turned—but she still doesn't look in any way familiar to me.

"Hi jo." she said.

At that point, her voice and her familiar grin—I knew it was Danny.

"Dan?!" I almost tore up in awe "what the fuck happened to you?" I honestly did not recognize her the first time; she buffed up, she's got tan, and she bleached her hair platinum blonde. she looks awfully beautiful, too beautiful.

"Well I missed you too!" Danny said, as I threw myself at her, giving her a friendly embrace before we laughed it off.

"Sorry if I never called you." Danny said, as she pulled away from me, holding both my hands.

Of course Danny joined us for dinner, and surprisingly, we all shared a rather light mood. Lindsey took the liberty to chat Danny up, while Tegan, obviously trying to give Danny a hard time, managed to control her sarcasm. Sara however, was quiet the whole time, only talking when we ask her a question or if she needed to pass a plate.

So after dinner, Danny and I went to my room to talk, over a glass of wine; since this is what she was here for anyway, I'm not gonna waste more of my precious time- I just wanna get this over with.

"so how's everything?" She asked as I sit on my dresser stool.

"so far so good.." I said.

"good to hear.. so I uh.. Assume you're in the "scene" again?" she asked sitting on my bed.

"what do you mean?"

"I mean.. I havent seen you on social media." well that's because I don't have any accounts.

"you know how much I hate that kind of stuff." Kind of ironic for a graphic artist like myself, but Lenny is doing all the promotion for me.

"yeah I figured.. anyway.." she stood again, putting the wineglass on top of my dresser as she approached me.

"I'm really here, first of all, to tell you how sorry I am.. for everything." She said, looking me right in the eye as she held my hands.

"I was.. I was scared for myself. you were engaging in.. too many drugs that your body can handle and.. I just don't want to be part of it anymore."

"Well, I have to be honest I was so mad at you, but I understand why you chose to leave, and I appreciate you telling me. Believe me I've been through worse.. I really didn't care that you just left our apartment without telling me, or without even the slightest idea that you were falling out."

Danny shook her head. "I didn't fall out, Jo."

"then what?"

"I wanted you to change. I thought I was.. the one who can do that.. but I guess.. I was just there to teach you a lesson."

"Danny.. you know why I was doing it." I said. I pursed my lips, and with that Danny knew what I was talking about.

"it's her.. wasn't it?" she asked.

I just nodded.

"I'm not gonna ask what happened between you two after we broke up, cause obviously it didn't work out since she's with someone else now."

I just sighed- and took another sip of my wine. "And I practically avoided everyone in my life just to get away from the shame."

"what do you mean?" she asked, sitting beside me on the stool.

"Didn't Lindsey tell you?"

Danny shook her head. "tell me what?"

"I almost got killed because of my drug abuse, I suffered a stroke after I was gunned down by one of my dealers. I was unconscious for days, it took me longer to recover" She looked stunned. Her jaw dropped and as close as I am to her right this very minute, I can see tears on her eyes.

"Oh my God." she said, covering her lips.

"..and when I woke up I decided not to go back that path anymore. I lived here alone for 3 years now, and didn't see any of them since then." I said, trying to keep it together.

"I'm sorry. " she said again.

"But you know what.. I think if you didn't leave me, and just stuck with me til I get better, none of that would have happened. If you only stayed with me at my worst, then maybe I would have owed you my life." I wanted to blame her for everything, but this is still my doing.

"I didn't want any of that to happen, Jo. You know how much I've fought my demons, and seeing you get hooked like that makes me want to do it again. Let's admit it, it wasn't a healthy relationship at all.. our last few months together were just the worst." Danny said.

"that's true. but you could have at least had the courtesy to tell me you wanted out." I reminded her.

"how was I supposed to do it without you and I getting on a big fight? I don't want to leave you like that." she said.

"oh yeah.. you'd rather leave me clueless." I said, not realizing that I was actually already in tears.

"I'm really sorry." Danny said, holding my hand. "I hope we can still be good friends like we were before."

I looked up at Danny, thinking that I couldn't really care less if she becomes a part of my life again. I'm not mad at her for leaving me- it's just that up to this point, I couldn't help but feel bad about her abandoning me.

"believe me I've been trying to reach you. I tried visiting you back in New York, a few years ago, but none of our friends know where you were." I should understand, I distanced myself from them and kept myself a new group of friends.

"well.. like I said, I haven't hung out with any of them since my accident, so.. I don't blame you." I just looked down on my feet, feeling a little awkward as I tried to get Danny to understand that I still appreciate her effort.

"we can catch up, hang out and be friends again. We're both clean now, and I couldn't think of a better time to reconnect." I said, looking up at hear to ease her worries.

"Thank you, Jo." She said, closing in for an embrace.

"anytime, crink." I said, rubbing her back as I hug her back.

"for fuck's sake stop calling me that." she said, laughing it off a bit.

I couldn't believe I'd take a full 180 degrees tonight after talking to Danny, Sara, Emy and Lenny were quite unconvinced of her good intentions, while Tegan couldn't care less.

Danny didn't stay long, she 's catching a flight back to Florida, where she's now based- teaching teenagers how to surf on one of the surfing schools down there. I promised her we would catch up, but for now, I have to deal with the more important people that I left hanging.

Soon after we finished cleaning the kitchen, my living room became an instant office for us, it was late in the evening and the girls were still up for a face time meeting with Angie, while I take their photos, and Emy discussing some merch ideas with me on the side; but my mini photo op was cut short as Tegan called me over to speak to Angie.

"Hi Angie!" I said as I stand beside Sara, behind Tegan.

"Hello Jo, make sure you pack up early, cause we'll be sending you off to San Francisco tomorrow for 5 days." She said.

"wait, what?" I asked. Now I never expected that.

"we'll start recording in 2 weeks, but you'll have a few side projects too." Said Tegan.

"I'm not going alone am I?" I asked. Sara shook her head and said "no, I'm coming with you." that was a relief, but I still don't know why we're leaving.

"For now we can't tell you why you're going, it's pretty confidential. so make sure that you don't tell anyone you're leaving for San Francisco with Sara." Angie Added.

I just had to nod and not ask any more questions. Though I'm just really confused as fuck, tomorrow can wait.

"so what time are we leaving?" I asked Angie

she looked through her notebook, and said "you should be on the road at 3 in the morning, there will be a valet at your place by 2:45 to LAX, and then a private plane will take you to SanFo.. we have to start travelling privately and off peak for the mean time." All this privacy stuff is just giving me the creeps.

"alright" I said; I pretty much have no choice anyway.

And then out of nowhere, Sara put an arm around my waist and rested her chin on my shoulder from behind me. It felt awkward for a moment, I was about to excuse myself as I wet my pants, but I realized she might notice how uneasy, so I just calmed myself down; I just hope didn't feel me tremble.

But just as I cozied up to Sara, Tegan slightly turned to me and rolled her eyes away. I then cleared my throat, and excused myself for the bathroom.