A/N: You know what's hard to write? The Joker. And you know what's harder than that? Well-crafted angst. And you know what's harder than that? Domestic abuse. You know what I did? All three! Enjoy this long ass chapter ya'll.
"Damn it,"Pam cursed for the hundredth time as she accidentally pushed the red paint outside the lines of the diamonds she'd drawn. I'm no artist. Why did I think this would be a good idea?
Sighing, Pam set her paintbrush down and held up the pot she'd spent hours painting. The layers of black matte paint that covered its surface were applied in perfectly straight, even brush strokes. The red diamonds, on the other hand, were giving Pamela a considerable headache. They kept coming out uneven or undersized. But Pam had always been a perfectionist. She was determined to finish her gift for Harley, if it was the last thing she ever did. The color scheme hadn't been her first choice, but she'd seen it on Harley's person so often-her wallet, her backpack, even her chipped nail polish-that she couldn't think of a better design for the pot. And inside, sat several bright yellow potted daffodils.
Harley hadn't been happy when Pam told her to stay away from the shop for a day, until she'd mentioned the word 'gift' and Harley had gathered her up in a hug that nearly crushed the air from her lungs. Pam set the pot back down on the counter and began attacking the diamonds again, her tongue poking through her teeth, not unlike Harley whenever she sketched. She was so engrossed in her work, that she didn't look up when the door chimed. Not until she heard a voice that made her skin crawl.
"Beautiful place you have here, Pammy."
Pam's head shot up and she came face-to-face with Jay's toothy leer.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, no small amount of venom in her voice. Jay leaned back on his heels, his face a mask of shock.
"Why, that's no way to treat your customers."
"You're not here to buy anything."
Jay wagged his finger and tsked. "Not true. I'm here to find a nice bouquet of roses for Harley."
"For…Harley?"
The sneer grew on Jay's face, his green eyes flashing. Pam tried to ignore the shiver that passed down her spine. So, he did know that she'd been spending an ample amount time with Harley. He knew and he was angry. Pam wasn't fooled by the mask of civility he wore. He'd come here to torment her.
Give me a reason, you bastard. I know what you do to her.
"That's right. For Harley. You see, she and I got into a nasty argument the other day and I thought, 'what better way to make it up to her than to gift her flowers from her best friend's shop'." Jay planted his hands on the desk and leaned forward. "Do you think you can help me?"
Pam's jaw clenched and she rose from her seat behind the desk, gesturing to the shelf of rose bushes. "Help yourself."
Jay's smile faltered, but he recovered quickly and spun on his heel, running his hand across the rows of planter pots. Pam watched him through narrowed eyes, ready to lunge at him if he so much as nudged a single flower out of place.
"Are you coming to the party tomorrow, Pammy?" Jay asked, sticking his pointed nose into a bright red rose. Pam prayed silently that he'd prick it on a thorn. "Surely, Harley invited you."
When Pam didn't reply, Jay turned around and pointed to the pot she'd been painting. "Beautiful work. I'm sure Harley will love it."
A blush colored Pam's cheeks. Suddenly, she wished she'd had the chance to hide the pot of daffodils from Jay's sight.
"You know what?" Jay moved away from the roses suddenly and sauntered back towards the desk. "Flowers are so overdone." He leaned over the counter again, leering at Pam, but she didn't flinch away. It wasn't until they were almost nose-to-nose that Jay said, "I have other ways of making it up to her."
Pam's stomach clenched as Jay's eyes bored into hers. She felt her face growing warm as an image of Jay's pale lanky body tangled with Harley's filled her mind. Angrily, she pushed it away, trying desperately to ignore the pang of jealousy that coursed through her. Jay watched Pam's expression, his menacing gaze melting into a dazzling smile. He spun around and pranced towards the front door.
"Toodle-ooh, Pammy. I'll see you at the party tomorrow."
The door chimed again and Jay was gone. Every muscle in Pam's body relaxed at once and she sunk tiredly into her chair. Jay's visit had been anything but reassuring. He was obviously very aware of her connection with Harley. And he didn't like it. She didn't know much about him, but she sensed quite clearly that Jay wasn't the type of person who enjoyed sharing. Especially sharing someone he considered his property. Pam knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was releasing his annoyance with their relationship on Harley. And there was nothing Pam could do about it.
That's not true, Pam corrected. You've given Harley a safe place. You've extended a hand; all she has to do is reach out and take it. That's all you can do.
Pam returned to the flower pot, picking up her brush with shaking hands. If Harley was ever going to be free of Jay's manipulation, she would have to make the decision herself. All Pam could do was be there to pick up the pieces.
/
Pam arrived at the party at exactly 8'o clock. She expected to be the first one there but, judging from the noise coming from inside the apartment, the party had already gotten started without her. Adjusting the flower pot on her hip, Pam rapped her knuckles against the door, stumbling backwards when it swung open immediately.
"Red!" Harley was wearing a white cut off t-shirt that Pam hadn't seen before with the words Daddy's Little Monster written in large, looped font.
A gift from Jay? Another message for me? I wouldn't put it past him.
"Hey, what's the face for?"
Pam only realized she'd been grimacing openly at the shirt when Harley pointed it out. Schooling her features, she straightened and held out the painted pot.
"These are for you. Happy Birthday."
Harley's eyes fell on the flowers and her entire face lit up. "Daffodils!" She grabbed the pot out of Pam's hands and took a deep whiff of the yellow petals. "Oh Red, you shouldn't have. Thank you!"
The absolute joy on Harley's face melted Pam's previous frustration and she smiled as Harley 'oohed' over the diamond pattern. Setting the pot down, Harley launched herself at Pam, throwing her arms around her shoulders and nearly sending them both to the ground.
Never a gentle hug with this one.
"Easy, Harl," Pam wheezed, trying to regain the breath that had been knocked out of her. Harley pulled away, squeezing Pam's shoulders apologetically.
"I'm sorry. It's just, I wasn't expectin' somethin' like this and you got me those daffodils I saw in the magazine and you painted the pot with diamonds and you didn't even have to get me anythin' at all, but you did and it's the greatest gift I coulda—" Pam held up a hand, silencing Harley.
"I'm very glad you like it," she chuckled.
"I love it! Come on, everybody's already inside." How she'd arrived last, Pam would never know. She was nothing if not extremely punctual.
Picking up the pot with one hand and grabbing Pam's with the other, Harley dragged her inside the apartment, kicking the door shut with her foot.
"Pam's here!" she shouted, drawing the attention of every person in the open flat. Four pairs of eyes landed on her at once, and Pam had never wanted the power to become invisible more than she did in that moment. Harley grinned victoriously and moved to set her daffodils down on the kitchen table.
Floyd stood nearby pouring drinks behind the kitchen counter. Tatsu sat across from him on an old bar stool, watching as Floyd measured out a shot of some dark liquor for her.
"Hey, it's the plant lady," Floyd said as Pam approached. He shoved the shot glass at Tatsu, who acknowledged Pam with a small nod.
"Pamela." What is it with these people and names?
"Glad you could make it." Floyd ignored her correction. "This party could use a little more class." He jerked his chin towards the living room where Jay sat drinking a beer and laughing loudly with a man Pam didn't recognize.
Floyd leaned against the counter and lowered his voice. "Jay's been real antsy since you waltzed into the store and put him in his place."
"Has he?" Pam hoped her tone sounded viably nonchalant. "I suppose it was too much to ask that he behave like a rational, considerate adult."
Floyd snorted. "You got balls, lady. What are you havin'?"
"Excuse me?"
"What are you drinking?" Floyd gestured to the bottles of alcohol set haphazardly on the counter.
"Oh, I don't drink."
He cocked a brow. "You don't drink…"
"Hey deadhead," Harley interrupted, having finished centering her flowers on the kitchen table. "If Pammy doesn't want to drink, she doesn't have to drink. Leave her alone."
"Relax, dollface." Floyd sighed and grabbed a clean glass, filling it with water from the kitchen sink. "Water alright?"
"Fine." Pam didn't suppose that Harley and Jay kept filtered water in their apartment, so she accepted the tap water and sipped it tentatively, ignoring the haughty smirk Floyd gave her.
She nearly choked when a booming voice from behind her said, "Oi! Whadda we have here?"
Reluctantly, Pam turned to see where the obnoxious Australian accent was coming from.
"Red, this is Boomer. He's the one I was tellin' you about," Harley said helpfully, gesturing to the tall, unshaven man that stood before Pam. He wore a dirty looking beanie and a long tattered trench coat lined with fake fur. Pam resisted the urge to gag at the mere sight of him.
"Aww, Harley. Are you tellin' people about me? All good things I hope?"
Pam rolled her eyes and Harley snickered beside her.
"It's a pleasure ta meet ya," Boomer said, extending a grubby hand that Pam took hesitantly. "Like Harley said, name's Boomer." Boomer released Pam's hand and leaned against the counter, propping himself up with one arm and smirking. "Didn't know Harley had such nice-looking lady friends. Where you been hidin' at, love?"
I'm going to murder him. This is the night I go to Arkham Asylum.
"I just moved here."
"Ah, a newbie. Why don't you let me show you around Gotham sometime? I know a lot of dark corners." Boomer chuckled to himself and winked. Pam set her glass down so hard that both Floyd and Tatsu- who had been watching the proceedings with morbid interest-jumped.
"Not interested."
Boomer stared at her, baffled.
Undeterred, Pam continued, "Do you really expect any women to respond positively to the offer to 'meet you in a dark alleyway'?"
"Well, it's just an expression…" Boomer mumbled.
But Pam didn't stop there; the frustrations of her day and her encounter with Jay were still fresh on her mind. "Men like you are the reason penitentiaries exist. You, 'Boomer', disgust me and if you so much as utter another word to me tonight, I won't hesitate to shove your own scrotum down your throat."
Boomer's eyes shot wide open, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Pam returned to her water while Floyd began clapping loudly; even Tatsu wore an amused smirk.
"Now wait just a second….." Boomer began to blubber, but Harley shooed him away before he could try to defend himself.
"Yeesh, Red. You don't hold back do you?" Harley whispered once Boomerang had wandered back to his spot on the couch next to Jay, shooting Pam a venomous look over his shoulder. Jay's green eyes locked with Pam's and she felt a snarl twisting her lips.
"No. I don't."
"Damn girl," Floyd interrupted before Harley could notice the staring match between Pam and Jay. "Putting all of these jackasses in their places. I love it. Next round is on me." He winked and tapped the side of Pam's glass. Harley had just opened her mouth—probably to defend Jay-when another knock on the door interrupted her.
As Harley scurried to answer it, Floyd gestured for Pam to lean over the counter. "How many more notches do you think you can take Jay down tonight?"
Pam couldn't fight the proud smile that tugged at her lips. This Floyd character wasn't so bad. But Harley returned to the kitchen before she could respond, leading Chato and—to Pam's surprise-Barbara.
"You made it."
"Yup, wouldn't have missed it," Barbara grinned, waiting until Harley was out of earshot before she grabbed Pam's arm and tugged her down to whisper in her ear. "You don't leave my side tonight, got it?"
Pam nodded resolutely. Having Barbara as constant company was preferable to dealing with Harley's rambunctious crew for the rest of the night.
"Love the dress, by the way."
"Oh, thank you." Pam had almost forgotten the sheer, green halter dress she'd picked out for the night. It explained, in part, why Boomer had been so insistent. Not that she'd worn it to impress him….or anyone at the party for that matter. Except for maybe Harley…. Okay, definitely Harley. Unfortunately, the blonde was too busy bouncing around to each of her guests to notice.
"Good to see you again, Pam." Chato approached both women, nodding cordially to Barbara. He looked around at the small group assembled by the bar, seeming to sense the tension that hung in the air. "What did I miss?"
"Pam here just destroyed Boomerang," Floyd explained, and Pam figured it was a good sign that he'd used her actual name. "Honestly, it almost brought a tear to my eye."
Chato's shoulders bounced once in a short chuckle. "Wish I'd seen that."
"Well, stick around. Jay's next." Floyd raised his eyebrows at Pam, wordlessly asking for confirmation. A coy smile was her only response.
A few minutes later, Floyd was handing Barbara her own glass of water when Harley dragged everyone into the living room for present opening. Pam stood awkwardly next to Barbara while the rest of the group knelt around the coffee table. Jay sat close to Harley on the couch, his feet propped up on the table beside the small pile of gifts. He caught Pam's gaze and wiggled his fingers at her in a little wave. Pam clutched her glass tightly and imagined it was his neck.
Floyd and Chato had combined forces to buy Harley a new tattoo gun. Both men looked supremely uncomfortable when she pulled them into a crushing group hug. Tatsu had gotten Harley a small, yet intricate, china tea set. Pam wasn't sure how often the little teacups would be put to use, but Harley looked enamored and she thanked Tatsu enthusiastically. Boomerang hadn't gotten her anything.
No surprise there.
On the other hand, Barbara, who still hardly knew the blonde, had offered her free 'Harley's' for an entire month. She was also subjected to a Harley hug, made a little more awkward by the wheelchair she sat in. The last gift was Jay's. He kept his sharp green eyes on Harley as she tore open the package and pulled out a pair of metal handcuffs. Pam felt her heart skip a beat…or five... as silence fell over the room. Jay leaned forward and whispered something in Harley's ear. She flushed a deep red and shoved the cuffs back into the box they'd come in. Jay laughed and glanced at Pam, the victorious look in his eyes unmistakable.
Pam couldn't breathe. Her chest tightened and she gripped her glass so tight that she heard the glass creak. Finally, Floyd cleared his throat, shattering the awkward silence that had filled the room.
"So uh…. Who's for cake?"
"What the hell was that?" Barbara muttered to Pam as the group shuffled back towards the kitchen. "I mean, I'm not saying it's my job to judge anyone's…intimate relationship. But in front of everyone, really?"
"I'm going to step outside," Pam breathed, relinquishing her glass to Barbara and heading for the sliding glass door that led to the small balcony.
"Pam?" Barbara called after her, but she didn't seem to hear.
Stepping out into the cool night air, Pam shut the glass door behind her and leaned against the railing at the edge of the balcony, trying to clear the dizziness that had come over her. Her face felt warm and the tightness in her chest was making it hard to breathe.
Jay's gift had been a message. A sign that said, 'I own her' and ensured that Pam understood she didn't stand a chance when it came to earning Harley's affection. The worst part was that he'd publicly embarrassed Harley in order to get the message across. Jay wasn't just a physical abuser, but a mental and emotional one as well.
As Pam stewed in her own thoughts, she began to worry. It had been a fleeting concern since the day she'd confronted Jay about the music in his shop, that he would release his anger with her on Harley. And if tonight had been any indication, she was right. Jay was well aware of their relationship and he didn't like it. Perhaps, Pam realized, it would be better to distance herself from Harley. She'd spent three weeks on her own in Gotham before meeting the blonde and she'd survived just fine. And as long as Jay didn't see her as a threat, then it was safe to assume Harley wouldn't be subjected to his temper…. probably. Then again, who could say what would set Jay off. If Pam stepped away, maybe she would be removing the last safeguard Harley had against her abusive boyfriend.
Am I a help or a hindrance?... And why do I care so much?
Pam was used to self-sufficiency. She'd never needed anyone before and she didn't need anyone now. Harley was just a girl who worked next door. It was Jay who made things confusing and complicated.
You sick bastard. Twisted, stinking piece of-
"Pammy?" Pam whirled around to see Harley stepping out onto the balcony, leaving the door open just enough so that they could still hear the murmurs coming from inside. "You alright?"
"Yes, yeah, I'm fine." Pam cleared her throat. Get ahold of yourself. "I just needed to get some fresh air."
Harley moved to stand beside her, bracing her forearms against the railings. Pam could see that her cheeks were still flushed even in the darkness. "Are you havin' a good time?"
"Yes." Pam knew her tone had come out a little more harshly than she'd intended when Harley's tentative smile faded. She reached out quickly, laying a hand over Harley's forearm. "I am, Harley, really. I just…needed a moment to myself. It's been a long time since I've been in a room with this many people, and your friends are a little tough to take all at once."
Harley chuckled, glancing down at Pam's hand. "Yeah, they can be." Slowly, she lifted her eyes to Pam's. "But I'm really glad you came."
"I am too." Despite Boomerang's disgusting attitude and Jay's vindictive little gift. "Are…You having a good time? This is your birthday after all."
Harley nodded, pigtails bouncing around her face. Suddenly, she leaned in closer to Pam, her eyes lit by the moon. They seemed to pull Pam in the longer she gazed into them. And it struck her how lost she really was when it came to this woman. Harley wasn't just some girl who worked next door. She was special. She was sweet and kind and she made Pam laugh and she had a voracious appetite for life that was absolutely infectious. She was the only thing Pam cared for more than her little flower shop.
Pam knew Jay would be relentless in his quest to interrupt the connection she had with Harley. But Pam was determined to be just as relentless when it came to protecting this woman that had wriggled her way into Pam's heart with her bright smile and laughing blue eyes.
"But you wanna know what the best part of tonight was?"
This. Right now. This is perfect.
"What's that?"
"Gettin' those daffodils from you," Harley said, her voice reaching a timbre that made Pam's heart pound. "I don't think I've ever gotten a gift like that before, Red. You obviously put a lotta thought into it."
Pride filled Pam's chest and she smiled. She'd been the highlight of Harley's night. Not Jay and his stupid handcuffs or obnoxious laugh.
"It was the least I could do. You've been a very good friend to me since I moved here." Pam paused. "I…don't make friends easily."
"Why the heck not?" Harley took a step back, astonished. "You're amazing, Pamb-a-lamb!"
"I'm not," she corrected in a manner that wasn't entirely self-deprecating. "And I can be a bit…. abrasive. I've only really ever known one other person who considered me a friend."
"Who?" Pam had to smile at the crinkle in Harley's brow, as if she were annoyed that someone else was stepping in on her 'friend territory'.
"Her name is Selina. We've been friends for a long time. Even before I moved to Gotham."
"Is she from Seattle too?"
"Originally, yes. But she and her family moved here long before I did," Pam explained. Harley pursed her lips, still a little wary.
"Can I meet her?"
"Absolutely. I'm sure you two would get along very well. As soon as she gets back from her trip, I'll introduce you," Pam promised. Harley relaxed and shuffled closer to Pam again, their shoulders brushing. A companionable silence fell over them as they listened to the breeze, the chorus of chirping crickets, and the rush of fallen leaves skittering across the sidewalk below. Harley sighed softly and rested her head against Pam's shoulder. Pam couldn't help but think how absolutely perfect this moment would be if it were not for what was happening behind her.
"You look really good tonight, you know," Harley mumbled. Immediately, she jolted, lifting her head off of Pam's shoulder, her eyes widening. "I mean you look amazing all the time, not just tonight. I just meant with the dress and all, it sorta pops with your hair and—"
"Thank you." Pam interrupted by reaching out and pushing a lock of stray hair behind Harley's ear, allowing her fingers to drift across her smooth cheek and down her jaw. It struck Pam a second later that the move may have been too forward, until a lopsided grin grew on Harley's face and she snuggled up against Pam's shoulder again, the tip of her nose brushing lightly across her skin.
Pam closed her eyes, listening to the rush of blood in her ears and the rapid thumping of her own heart. As much as she wanted to enjoy this intimate moment, images of the handcuffs and Jay's malicious grin kept popping into her mind. It was then that they heard his booming voice through the small crack in the door. Pam glanced over her shoulder, watching the proceedings through narrowed eyes.
"Give us a joke, Jay," Boomer insisted.
"A joke?" Jay paused, tapping his chin exaggeratedly. "Alright, I've got a good one for you all."
Silence accompanied by the occasional clink of a glass.
"What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?" he asked, spreading his arms wide as if awaiting an answer from the party guests scattered around him. No one replied, except for Boomer who shouted, "What?"
"Nothing, she's already been told twice!" Jay erupted with laughter while the rest of the guests exchanged uncomfortable glances. Harley stiffened as Pam took a deep breath through her nose, trying desperately to keep from exploding. But memories of Woodrue rushed through her, swirling with her hatred for the green haired man who was still bellowing with laughter in the living room. Pam's internal battle was short lived.
"How can you stand him, Harley?" She whirled on the blonde, anger twisting her features. Harley took a step backwards, her eyes wide, almost fearful.
"I—"
"He's a monster. Crass, manipulative, cruel. He beats you." Pam knew the next words to come out of her mouth were awful and fundamentally wrong but she couldn't stop them. "And you let him. You stay and you take it. And for what? What is it going take for you to see that what he does is wrong? Is he going to have to kill you before it sinks in?"
"Red—"
"And what's worse, you act like you want him to own you. The tattoos, the nicknames, even your clothes." She gestured to the shirt Harley wore. "Don't you get it? You're his plaything. His toy. He doesn't love you, Harley. He's using you!"
Harley's face was a mask of shock, anger and pain. Pam could plainly see how deeply her comments had cut, but her anger prevented her from backing off. Harley blinked rapidly, forcing back tears, and meeting Pam's furious gaze with a devastated one of her own. "Y-you don't understand—"
"No. You're right, I don't. I don't understand why you stay with him when it's clear he only wants you for his own entertainment. And I certainly don't have to be in a relationship with him to know that he's a rotten excuse for a human being. Neither should you."
Silence engulfed them, and only then did Pam realize that her tirade had probably been heard by everyone inside. Harley was staring at her in disbelief, her expression that of a broken woman. And Pam realized she had been the cause of it. In that moment, Pam couldn't say she was much better than Jay. She hadn't used her fists, but she'd torn Harley to shreds nonetheless. She'd shattered the trust they'd established over their two weeks together. Even still, she bit back the apology that threatened to surface. If it was pride or anger that held her back, Pam didn't quite know, but she didn't relent.
"I should go," Pam said quietly, averting her eyes and moving towards the glass door.
"I guess it's no wonder you don't have any friends," Pam heard Harley mutter bitterly before she stepped inside. She tried to pretend the comment hadn't cut like a knife, but it did, and now Pam just felt sick to her stomach. Everyone in the room was staring at her as she gathered her bag and headed wordlessly for the front door.
Jay watched her go, his expression gleeful. Pam resisted the urge to punch it right off his face, she'd already ruined Harley's night as it was. Casting an apologetic glance at Barbara, who was staring after her like a lost puppy, Pam opened the front door and stepped out into the night.
To say that Pam was frustrated with herself would have been a monumental understatement. She knew what she'd said to Harley had been unnecessarily cruel. Harley wasn't responsible for Jay's abusive behavior. The man was perfectly capable of controlling his own actions and he chose to hurt the woman who loved him.
But was it love that kept Harley with him, Pam wondered. Or was Jay keeping her trapped? Did he force her to stay with threats? Or did Harley genuinely believe he cared about her somehow? Pam couldn't wrap her head around it. But that wasn't the point. She'd promised to be someone Harley could rely on, trust. She'd promised to be a safety net and yet Pam had torn into Harley the second Jay pushed her over the edge, brutally, as if it were somehow all her fault.
She'd made a mistake, allowed her emotions to get the better of her and hurt one of the only people she truly cared about. Pam wasn't sure how to even begin reversing the situation, but it certainly wasn't happening tonight.
/
Selina?
Pam! Good to hear from u. Where are u what have u been up to how are you liking Gotham?
Gotham is fine. It rains quite often.
Astute observation Pam. Now what's up? It's not like you to text me out of the blue
I just wanted to see how your trip was going. I've heard Spain is lovely this time of year.
God, Pam. Spit it out. What's the matter?
Can I call you?
Pam's phone rang a moment later. She set her coffee cup down and rocked back in her seat at the kitchen table before picking up the call.
"Selina?"
"Duh. Now tell me what happened? Do I need to fly back to Gotham and beat someone up for you?"
Pam smiled wryly. It faded quickly and she leaned against the kitchen table, resting her chin in the crook of her arm as she spoke. "I did something awful."
"Pamela Lillian Isley? Awful? Impossible." Selina's sarcasm didn't go unnoticed.
"Selina, please."
"Alright, alright. I'm listening. Go." Pam heard a shuffle and then the click of a door closing and assumed Selina had moved somewhere more private to talk. Taking a deep breath, Pam exhaled the story of all that had happened since she'd come to Gotham. From confronting Jay in the tattoo parlor, to her 'date' with Harley at the coffee shop, the frequent lunchtime meetings, and finally, the party that had all but exploded in her face nearly a week ago.
"I blamed her for what that horrible man has been doing to her. I all but told her she plays the victim. That she asks for what he does," Pam murmured, running her fingers through her hair nervously. Selina had been her friend for a long time, but even she had to see how badly Pam had screwed up.
"Jesus, Pam."
"I know. I didn't mean to. It just came out. I was frustrated and Jay made this awful joke and I couldn't stand to see her suffer with him anymore—"
"Because you're in love with her?" There was smile in Selina's voice.
Pam blinked at the phone. "Excuse me?"
"Come on, Pam. It's pretty damn obvious. And now you feel guilty because not only did you shove her back into the arms of this Jay guy, but you royally screwed up any chance you might have had with her."
"This isn't about me." Pam was having trouble forming a coherent argument, Selina had gotten her so flustered.
"It's entirely about you," Selina retorted. "It always is and that's why you said the things you did at the party."
Pam stayed silent, letting that sink in.
"You were hurt and angry, and instead of considering how bad Harley must feel, you lost control and let out every frustration you had on her." Selina's tone softened. "That's always been your problem, Pam. Sometimes you stay so locked inside your own head, you miss what the people around you feel. Trust me…I would know."
Pam's lips thinned into a firm line as she fought back the emotion gathering in her throat.
"But," Selina continued. "You're also one of the most dedicated, self-assured, and downright powerful women I know. Harley actually has a chance at a life without this guy if you stick with her."
"It's been a week, Selina. I haven't even seen her. Our shops are right next to each other." Pam sat back in her chair and sighed. "She's avoiding me."
"Well can you blame her? I've seen you angry. You probably scared the living hell out of her." Pam couldn't argue that. "Look, if you want to fix this, you're going to have to bite the bullet and apologize. Let her know that you're still there for her. That she still has a friend."
Pam nodded slowly although Selina couldn't see it. "How's Bruce?"
Selina laughed. "Peachy. Now stop trying to change the subject and go do what I said."
"…Thank you, Selina."
"Of course."
"When will you be coming back?"
"Another week…or two…maybe three," Selina replied coyly. "Like you said, Spain is lovely this time of year and so are the men."
"You're there with Bruce."
"I can look! It doesn't hurt anyone."
Pam rolled her eyes, a smile tugging up the corners of her lips.
"Listen, when I get back I want to see you and Harley on good terms again…preferably excellent terms. Like…terms that would leave me shocked and disgusted if I knew the intimate details."
"Selina!"
"You have three weeks, Pam. Make it happen!" Selina laughed and then the line went dead. Pam set her phone down, staring at the cream swirling in her untouched coffee cup. After a minute, she picked up her phone again and pulled up Harley's number.
Meet me at the park?
Pam waited for the phone to buzz, tapping her fingers on the kitchen table methodically. When no reply came, she sent a follow up text.
I'll be there at noon. She hesitated, fingers hovering over the keys, trying to think of what she could say to convince Harley to meet with her. Eventually she settled on: Please come.
She refused to offer Harley an apology over text. It needed to be heartfelt, face-to-face. She needed to look Harley in the eye and make her see just how sorry she was. And she needed to do it before the recurring image of Harley's devastated expression tore her apart at the seams.
/
Pam couldn't focus while she was at work. Mrs. Pembroke visited and spoke with her for over an hour and by the time she left, Pam couldn't recall a single thing she'd said. The hours dragged and Pam already had one foot out the door by the time the clock struck eleven. Flipping the 'Open' sign to 'Closed', Pam bolted to Barbara's coffee shop so quickly, she was panting for breath by the time she arrived.
"Hey," Barbara said when Pam approached the counter, her voice chilly. "What can I get for you?"
Pam was confused by Barbara's cold behavior until she remembered the party. "You're angry with me."
"You abandoned me at that party with people I hardly knew! That Boomerang guy hit on me all night, it was so uncomfortable. And god Pam, the second you stormed out the entire party just took a dive. Everybody was ready to just cut and run." Barbara paused for breath and Pam took the opening to speak.
"I'm very sorry, Barbara. I didn't even think about how my leaving the party would affect you. I just…I was angry," Pam looked down at her hands, wringing them in an uncharacteristic display of nervousness.
"Yeah, clearly," Barbara said. "We all heard what you said to Harley. Harsh."
Pam debated about whether to ask Barbara what Harley had done after she'd stormed out, but decided against it. She didn't want to know; it would only make things hurt more than they already did.
"Harsh doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm going to apologize to her right now." Barbara raised a questioning brow. "It was…Just hearing Jay speak sets my teeth on edge. I can't stand him. And that joke…"
"I know," Barbara stopped her with a weary sigh. "It's alright, Pam. I get it."
Pam paused, shifting her weight onto one hip. "So…are we...?"
"We're alright," Barbara smiled. "I really can't blame you for wanting to get the hell away from that party. So really, what can I get for you?"
"A 'Harley'." Barbara looked confused until Pam clarified. "The drink. I'm meeting her at the park."
A look of understanding dawned on Barbara's face. "Gotcha. Coming right up."
Pam glanced around the shop as Barbara wheeled away. No Chato, or Tatsu…luckily. Pam wasn't sure how many apologies she could handle giving out today.
"It's on me today," Barbara said, returning with the drink and pushing Pam's money back across the counter. Pam nodded, turning for the door when Barbara's knowing grin stopped her.
"What?"
"Leaving already?"
"I promised to meet Harley at noon."
Barbara looked at the clock on the wall. "Well…You've still got forty-five minutes…."
Pam glanced at the clock too, flushing with embarrassment when she realized that Barbara was right. "I…Well, I just wanted to be…" She trailed off, unable to come up with an excuse that didn't make her sound desperate.
Barbara just smiled again and gestured for Pam to go. "Good luck."
Pam hurried out the door as quickly as she could with her drink in hand. In spite of her detour, she was still fifteen minutes early by the time she reached the park. She waited anxiously at the entrance, checking her watch occasionally, before deciding to search the park in the hopes that Harley was waiting for her inside.
After two laps around the area, Pam concluded that the park was empty save for a few homeless men and women huddled around old benches. She made three more rounds around the park just to be sure. By the time she'd finished searching for Harley, the drink had gone cold in her hand and it was well past one o'clock.
Pam set the drink in front of one of the homeless men wordlessly. She wasn't sure how good it would taste cold, but at least it was something. It wouldn't do any good in the trash can anyway. The man looked up at her through bloodshot eyes, watching as she trudged out of the park.
Pam knew that it was foolish of her to have expected Harley to show up after what she'd said at the party. She certainly wouldn't have wanted to speak with herself after such a verbal lashing. It hurt more than Pam would like to admit that she'd very likely ruined her budding relationship with Harley before it even had a chance to get off the ground. It had been nice having a friend in Gotham, nice to have another person to connect with, and even nicer to have someone that made Pam feel the way she did whenever Harley was around. But Pam was a disaster when it came to navigating complicated relationships with people. And Harley was nothing if not a bundle of complications.
It was really only a matter of time…Pam thought bitterly.
As she approached the entrance to the flower shop, her eyes fell on the front doors of the tattoo parlor. She was tempted to go inside and find Harley, but if the park had been any indication, she clearly didn't want to see Pam. Still, Selina's words rung in her ears. She had to find a way to apologize.
It took Pam the rest of the day to gather together the arrangement of various flowers, mainly daffodils. But by the time the clock struck six, it was ready. Locking up her shop, Pam hoisted the heavy flower pot and made her way to the tattoo parlor. She stopped in front of the doors, glancing down at the arrangement on her hip and the small note attached to it. Suddenly, Jay's words came back to her.
Flowers are so overdone.
Not entirely incorrect, but it was all Pam could think to do since Harley wouldn't even talk to her. If they'd moved her to near tears at the party, maybe they would have the same effect this time. Pam had just reached for the knob when the door swung open and Floyd appeared, lifting his bag over his shoulder. He looked just as surprised to see Pam, but schooled his features quickly and closed the door behind him before greeting her.
"It's been awhile. Didn't expect to see you around here after the party."
"I need to speak to Harley," Pam said, hoping her voice didn't sound as weak as she felt.
A look of pity flashed across Floyd's face and he shrugged. "Sorry, she's not here. Didn't come into work today."
"Oh."
Floyd was silent, studying Pam. "She's been real quiet this week. I thought I'd enjoy not having to listen to her constant babbling, but honestly it's been kind of terrifying."
"Can you give these to her?" Pam held out the pot of flowers, which Floyd took hesitantly.
"You know," he said slowly, examining the note attached to the pot. "For what it's worth, all of us agree with what you said about Jay." A wave of relief washed over Pam. She hadn't realized how worried she was about falling out of favor with Harley's coworkers until this moment.
"We just think that maybe, there was a better way to tell Harley than…you know…reaming her." Pam nodded once, a jerky movement.
"I agree. That's why I need to speak with her. I want to apologize."
Floyd bobbed his head and lifted the pot of flowers.
"I'll make sure she gets these," he said, turning to head back inside the parlor. "See you around."
Pam watched him go, waiting until the door clicked shut before she turned on her heel and wandered back to her apartment, defeated.