You name is Aradia Megido, and you are at war in your mind.
Since becoming dead you have noticed you emotions slipping away from you. At first your biggest priority as a ghost was to look after your friends. You managed to maintain your focus enough to ease the ship to a rough landing, but since then you've found yourself drifting…
The voices seem to like leading you astray. Now that you're one of the dead, it's much harder to shut out their voices. They whisper to you constantly, trying to push you to work for them. Your psionic capabilities are rare amongst ghosts, and they seem to want you to act as a liaison. At first you found it irritating, but as is the case with many things you find yourself more apathetic about it now. Some part of you feels this is wrong, but there are so many voices drowning your thoughts out now that you don't usually pay it much heed.
This is not usual though. According to the spirits, you've been here almost a month in earth time, and you've been shrugging off the interference of the spirits for the most part. You can't stop listening to them, but you haven't let them control you. Until last night, that is. The voices of the dead have been calling to you, trying to make you do things that they feel have to happen. But last night you gave in, and did as they asked.
You shifted one gear, and now Tavros' legs have stopped working, and the humans have captured him and Gamzee. Your apathy is slipping. Things in your mind are far too chaotic considering you no longer have a brain.
You've hurt your friends with your powers, and now that little voice in the back of your mind is screaming. The voices of the dead are doing everything they can to drown that voice out. And it's hard for you to tell now whether you're still Aradia, or that tiny voice drowning amongst the dead is.
The dead can no longer drown your fear. You're not sure what's been happening over the past weeks anymore. You thought that the spirits were directing you away for silly, harmless reasons that only the dead could fathom. But that voice, that voice calling to you over the rabble, it's asking you what you've missed in the time you've been away from them.
Now you're here, looking down over the base, smoke billowing around you, as the humans drag Tavros away, as they lead Gamzee around at gunpoint. And then you see Doctor Scratch staring in your direction. For a moment it feels like he's staring straight at you, and then he turns away and goes about his business. If you still had lungs, you'd be breathing a sigh of relief. Still, you feel it best if you don't remain here.
Outside of the walls you find the last remaining trolls. Eridan, Feferi, Sollux, and Equius are all there, Feferi and Equius debating between themselves as the others watch. The voice in your head starts to cry out, and you feel it urging you to go to Sollux, to be with him. You no longer doubt that this voice belongs to the real Aradia. What does that make you then?
Aradia is emotional, joyful, a young rust-blooded troll with a passion for adventuring. She enjoys role-playing, and exploring ancient relics, and archeology. What about you? You are fearful, dead, dispassionate, and are being played by the dead like a puppet on a string. You aren't an alternate personality, there's not enough substance to you for that. Which can only mean that you are a mask, a shell. You exist only to protect that voice, the real Aradia, as the dead attempt to quell her thoughts and use you for their purposes. It won't be long at this rate until you lose your ability to hear Aradia altogether.
In the time you spend processing this a matter of mere seconds pass you by. You look back to the remaining trolls to see them splitting up. Equius goes one way, the rest of them go the other way. Aradia seems to desperately wish for you to follow Sollux. The ghosts want you to stay where you may be useful, here the base.
You tune both of them out. The ghosts of humans, and the few trolls that have followed you here, seem to have an idea of how things should likely pan out. Aradia cares only about being with the people she loves. But there is something more important you have to do. You follow Equius, despite Aradia's protests.
Equius may not be pleasant company, but he has tools, and knowhow. If you can somehow contact him, he may be able to forge Aradia a new body. It's the only chance you have to save her before she succumbs to the voices.
Equius has found Nepeta at this point, and is taking off through the woods. You notice Nepeta is quite upset about something, and Aradia seems crushed to see her crying. You decide to distance yourself from the two, so you don't end up witnessing any pale interactions between the two. It wouldn't be proper to snoop on them when they're getting intimate.
Several hours later they take refuge in a cave not far outside of a small town. The sun is rising on the horizon by now, and you float outside, wondering if you'd be intruding if you went in now. You're shocked when you look again and see Equius standing next to you. You remember that the sun here is not as dangerous as on Alternia, but you still have to imagine it's painful for trolls to stand in it.
Suddenly Equius is on the move, jumping away from the mouth of the cave and sprinting away at terrifying speeds. You float after him, trying your best to keep up.
Equius is moving at least twice as fast as before now that he doesn't have to watch over Nepeta, and his pace is downright blistering. Even the ghosts seem impressed. They're hardly saying anything. Though you feel like your destination may be another reason.
Equius has reached the top of a hill overlooking the base. He's scanning desperately for something. Your comrades perhaps?
Equius gets up to move, but stops when he realizes he's still got his robotic equipment strapped to his back. The pack sinks well into the ground as he drops it, and you know if you don't do something he's going to rush in and get himself killed.
You consider pulling him back, but know that if he struggles it could draw attention from below. Thinking fast, you shake the toolbox, causing it to rattle. Equius stops and regards the box with suspicion. Encouraged by the reaction you shake it more.
Equius stares at the box sternly, as though willing it to behave, before his curiosity wins out and he opens the box. You float one of his spare mechanical arms in the air and wave to him.
Equius' reaction is not what you expected. He stares at the arm in shock, and becomes visibly agitated. "It can't be." He mutters to himself and starts to pace back and forth. "It can't be her. There's no possible way. But humans are not capable of this…" He clutches his head and lets out a long hiss, and finally straightens his back.
"Aradia. Is that you?" Equius' posture is straight, but you can see his face is tense, his fists clenched. You're not sure how he was able to tell it was you, but it's clear your presence is unsettling to him. You move the arm in front of you and bob it up and down in the air. And Equius drops.
You were not expecting this. At all. Equius has always been creepy, strong, and kind of an asshole. And the few times you've spoken to him he's shifted between outrage at talking to a lowblood, and being oddly polite. Truthfully he's always been completely impossible to figure out, and while Nepeta's always insisted that Equius isn't as bad as he seems, you've struggled to believe her as Equius continued to quote the hemocaste the same way lowbloods quote the Signless.
Now, the same troll who has quoted strength and title as the most important facets of culture is sitting here crying. He's on all fours, weeping openly, and you find it doubtful he's sad to know you're still here. What this means, you're not sure. But you know you won't find out unless you can find a way to communicate with him.
You regard the arm you've been floating around for a moment and inspiration strikes you. You tug and pull at it with psychokinesis, until you manage to pull it apart and get at the wiring within. Ripping the wiring into pieces allows you to shape it into lettering, and you go about trying to communicate with Equius.
Are you alright, Equius?
Equius glances up at your lettering and jumps. He starts frantically wiping at his eyes and trying to pretend he hasn't been emoting. He jumps up and coughs nervously, sweating profusely. "Ah yes, my apologies. I was, well…" He lowers his head awkwardly, "I didn't expect to hear from you again."
You look at him standing there, looking more insecure than you've ever seen him. And as much as you want him to explain his strange behavior, you know there are more important things that need to be addressed.
Why are you back here?
"I have returned for the highblood." Equius suddenly stiffens and becomes businesslike again. "As I was evacuating my moirail from danger I realized that by leaving Makara to the mercy of humans I have shamed my entire caste. If I do not lay down my life for the hemospectrum I am unfit to call myself a troll."
Do you think I am unfit to call myself a troll?
"I- well…"
How about Nepeta?
"That is an exceptionally unfair-"
Dying like a fool does not make you any more of a troll. And failing to carry the world on your shoulders does not make you less of one.
"You are wrong." Equius sighs as he shakes his head sadly. "Since I was young there have been expectations placed upon me to serve the empire and uphold the duties that come with my place on the hemocaste. Unless I do that I will not belong."
Why would you think that?
"Look at me." Equius gestures to himself, standing there, sweaty, muscular, and alone. "I am not normal. I am defective. This strength I possess is not a trait held by blue bloods. It is exclusive to myself. It makes me powerful, yes, but also excluded. My strength is such that even the strongest of household items twist and shatter in my grip." He sighs and looks aside. "I am as out of place as the most candy blooded trolls, unless I make a name for myself. And that route is no longer open to me."
You don't know what to say anymore. All this time, Equius has been as lost as anyone else in your group. You don't know how he's held this façade for so long.
Why are you telling me this?
"You asked. Most people don't care to know about me." He smiles sheepishly, and you wonder how you ever considered Equius to be so unpleasant. He's certainly a classist asshole, but he's also just as vulnerable and insecure as the rest of you. You focus on him again as he mumbles something to himself.
What was that?
"It's not important." Equius looks down at his hands and sighs. "We should leave this place. I have come here based on a rash decision, and should I be spotted here I will have put Nepeta in harms way once again. I will rescue the Highblood at a more opportune time."
They won't let you escape if you come back here.
"I haven't changed my mind. When the time comes I will lay my life down for the highblood. But this," he states as he closes his toolbox, "is an exceptionally bad time. They are still on high alert. Were I to attempt to break in I would not be able to rescue Makara or Nitram safely."
You intend to rescue Tavros? It hasn't escaped you that this is the first time he's mentioned saving Tavros as well. His classist tendencies are still in play, despite your bloodpusher to bloodpusher.
"If I wish to rescue one, then I must rescue both." Equius says irritably. "They will not leave each other behind. They are flushed for each other after all, regardless of societal taboos." He throws his toolbox over his back and strides back the way he came.
I was not aware you paid much attention to quadrants. Your relationship with Nepeta was very spontaneous as I recall.
"It was, yes." Equius says with a fond smile, "And my moirallegiance is precisely how I became more perceptive to quadrants. Her love for shipping, foolish though it may be, does enlighten one to matters of romance." He stops suddenly and turns towards your text. "On that note I have something to ask you.
By all means.
"Why are you here with me?" He says it so fast you almost can't understand him. "I know Captor would likely be more suitable company for you than I am. And yet you have deigned to follow me on my excursion instead of him. I was of the impression you were quadranted?"
If you weren't a ghost you'd blink at this. Even you aren't sure what your relationship with Sollux is (was?). While you were able to agree that you were together, Sollux never seemed able to decide which quadrant the two of you were in. You suppose it's all been part of his obsession with bifurcation, though you'd be lying if it didn't make things difficult sometimes.
It's complicated.
Sollux and I, I mean.
I definitely love him, but I don't exactly know how? Especially now that I'm dead. It's hard to sort emotions when you barely have them anymore.
"You lack emotions now?" Equius seems curious now, not to mention… sad? Angry? You're not entirely sure. But you know he's not as horrible a person as you thought, and you may be able to use this to get your body back.
The dead don't feel, Equius. I have been dead for a short time, and yet my thoughts have been slipping away. In time I shall lose my capacity for rational thought completely.
"And you require my assistance." Equius groans as he starts to pick up his speed. "You wish for me to make you a body."
How did you know?
"I am an expert in artificial limbs. As well as an expert in mediculler techniques." Equius shrugs. "I have studied in many different techniques over the sweeps, as is befitting a strong mind. Those two have been in high demand lately."
Can you do this?
Equius takes a deep breath and stares into the sky. "It is difficult to say. An exceedingly challenging job like this would be a colossal undertaking even with the full brunt of my lab technology. Without my materials… it will take time. A great deal of time."
But you will do it?
Equius looks at you, or rather your text, and you can see his face is resolute. "I will do it. I will make you a body. No matter how long it takes."
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Equius smiles awkwardly again, and starts to sprint back to Nepeta. You trail along behind him, letting the wires snake around you as you fly. It's funny; the way he's acting is so different from how you always thought he was. He had acted like he hated you and Tavros and Sollux for as long as you can remember, and yet he saved Sollux from dying to the crash. He made Tavros new legs. And he openly cried over your death in front of you.
You still think Equius is a jackass, but now that you know the root of it you feel like you can understand him at least a little bit. And while you were with him you felt like you understood yourself again as well. The voices went silent when you were around Equius, as though he scared them away, or voided them out.
And now Equius is getting ahead of you. You haven't been trying very hard to keep up, so he's not there to keep the spirits away. You realize this just as the voices return.
You thought you could shut us out?
Why did you leave us Aradia?
WE NEED YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH.
Please don't leave again miss!
You think your friend can protect you from us?
You want to just forget we're here?
You have to do what we say or things will get bad for you. And your friends.
That sweaty monster won't always be here to shut us out.
He's gonna die, you know? Clown's gonna fuck him up.
CAN'T SHUT US OUT THEN. WE'LL HAVE YOU SOON ENOUGH.
We need you to help us, dear. You're the only one who can touch their world.
You monsters are going to regret coming to earth.
Please help us Aradia!
You can't keep down the clown, Megido. He'll kill you all soon enough.
Some are angry, some tearful, some young, and some old. Their voices hit you like a wave, crashing into you in a cacophony of sound and emotion. You scream as you feel your mind fraying at the edges, and you realize you've let your defenses down while you were talking with Equius. When did the mask's voice become your own?
When did you let Aradia out? You had wanted to keep her locked away safely out of reach of these spirits. Some are friendly, but others are hateful, so, so hateful. You thought trolls were savage, but these humans have rage and cold fury to rival the most dangerous trolls. And what some of them said…
Gamzee is going to kill Equius. The voices said it clearly. You always thought Gamzee was harmless, but the spirits have a way of knowing how things are going to happen. You follow after Equius more closely now, and hear the voices receding. But the damage has been done. The same troll who you need to survive, the troll who makes the voices go away, is the troll who you know is going to die. And now that you know him you're not sure you can live with that.
Notes:
Honestly I'm not entirely sure this chapter coveys everything I want it to. But I've given it my best effort. What you see here is the beginning of my real experimentation with characters.
Aradia is not a character I particularly like. She has a pretty face, sure, but that's about it. Quite frankly, she's boring. No emotions, does what the voices tell her to do, and after coming back to life she spends her whole time on the sidelines grinning like a maniac. But that's not really who she is. Aradia is a character who has died and come back to life. But resurrection doesn't turn back the clock. Homestuck's Aradia is permanently damaged. She has spent years with little company other than corpses. And it has changed her. But while Blood Pride's opening is meant to emulate Homestuck to some extent, the timeline, motivations, and causes surrounding the misfortunes that befall the trolls have been altered. This is why Vriska and Terezi are still allied, as the FLARP incident is not the reason for the injuries everyone suffers. It is also why Aradia is not dead to the world. Yet.
Aradia as a character before her accident was interesting. Lively, feisty, brave, and proud, the glimpses we see of her as a character back then make her condition when we first meet her all the more tragic. But Aradia's ghost is still Aradia. Her memories are still there, and her decimation of Vriska tells us that her emotions remain on some level as well. While you can argue that her lack of body means lack of emotions, that seems ridiculous. If memories don't vanish when she dies, why would other aspects of her character?
So we see here Aradia as she is slipping. Her mind is there, but a ghost amongst the dead is bound to slip away like the others. The voices that call Aradia are remnants. Aradia has a powerful mind, and the idea that she would lose her personality but the other ghosts would not is absurd. The spirits are emotion, feeling, willpower, but are not really people anymore, just as Aradia in Homestuck isn't really the person she once was. Unlike Homestuck, however, Aradia is not as isolated here. The way she died leaves much less in the way of bad blood between the trolls, in particular the critical levels of resentment she held towards highbloods after Tavros' injury. This is why she is not as adverse towards Equius' help as she would be otherwise.
Equius on the other hand exists in Homestuck as a character with beautiful depth and conflict but not nearly enough development. What you see above is my interpretation of his motivations. I have always felt Equius' adherence to the hemospectrum and appreciation of the most noble of practices on Alternia was the result of insecurity. You can see evidence of this most abundantly in Seek the Highblood, when he confides in Nepeta his hurt at being left behind by Aradia, as well as his decision to program Aradia to love him. Were he truly a confident blueblood he would not rely on such tactics, and likely wouldn't seek to fill quadrants in lower castes at all.
I have never believed that Equius' colossal strength was natural. There's his vegetarian diet, first of all, unsuited to athletics. But more telling is his inability to use basic items such as a simple glass. If such strength was in a troll low on the hemospectrum it would not be impossible. But Equius is a blueblood. He is well within the upper tier of the hemospectrum. And if his strength was natural to his hemotype then there is no chance that items wouldn't be made to compensate for it.
In other words, Equius would have to be alone for this to be a problem. He is a mutant, cursed with an absurd amount of power, beyond the level to which troll goods are built to withstand. And while he could simply order such goods made by somebody lower on the spectrum, that would be an admission of weakness. Equius does not have the luxury of appearing weak.
Trolls are devoted to the natural order of the hemospectrum. It is the most important facet of their society. Homestuck doesn't really explain the depth of this, as Equius is the only troll in the gang who truly favors the hemospectrum. Eridan pretends to be above others, but his insecurities are even more apparent, and he casts it aside once it stops working in his favor. Equius holds to it tightly though. As a mutant with strength beyond even the strongest trolls if Equius was not devoted to the hemospectrum he'd likely be perceived as a threat to the higher castes. His religious adherence to societal order may very well be a sort of defence mechanism, to prove he is not dangerous. This is only a theory though.
What is clear is that Equius has little holding him together. He flaunts his blood color like a wall, so that nobody can question his status or where he belongs, and this has led to his distance from the other trolls, regardless of his skills. The question is: will he change before it is too late for him?