Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you wish you could say you weren't expecting this. Unfortunately the writing that has been on the wall for several months now is now shifting to your monitor before your very eyes. You have received a text from your online boyfriend stating that he wishes to talk. Normally that would not be suspicious, but you know John is never available Friday evenings, as he spends those with his family. You expect the worst.
- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 01:41 -
GT: hey rose.
TT: John.
TT: I was not expecting to hear from you tonight.
TT: Did your family cancel movie night?
GT: oh, no, that's still going on…
GT: we were just watching con air and it made me realize something.
TT: Oh my, has Nicholas Cage's wifebeater led you to yet another epiphany?
TT: My goodness, will the wonders of that filthy shirt and it's crippling lack of sleeves never cease?
GT: come on rose, I'm being serious here.
TT: Of course John.
TT: I know full well the seriousness with which you take Con Air.
GT: roooooooooooose!
TT: Joooooooooooohn?
GT: i don't mean con air levels of seriousness here!
GT: we all know when i'm being "serious" about con air it's usually just me being a goof.
TT: Oh.
TT: Well yes obviously I knew that, but I never thought I'd hear you say such a thing.
TT: My apologies John, please continue with your genuinely serious matter that you need to discuss with me.
GT: hehehe, no worries.
GT: i can totally see why you'd think this was just me acting like i always get when i watch con air, even though it's not.
GT: okay so serious time.
GT: this is… oh man how do i begin here?
TT: Take your time John.
TT: I am more than willing to wait.
GT: okay, well this is about…
GT: shit, okay, so this is about our relationship.
TT: …
TT: I see.
TT: Well, this does promise to be a serious matter then.
GT: right, well, basically i was watching con air.
GT: at the scene where cage reunites with his loving wife and daughter.
GT: and i was imagining myself in that situation.
GT: but when i was picturing my loving wife in that situation…
GT: i couldn't picture you.
GT: i was trying to imagine myself reuniting with you, because you are my girlfriend and that's just common sense.
GT: but when i thought of your face in that situation it just felt…
GT: wrong.
GT: and so i started thinking about our relationship, and how we're on opposite sides of the country, and how we've only been able to meet a few times in real life.
GT: and lately when we've been talking online it seems…
GT: strained.
GT: like we're trying too hard to force ourselves to be affectionate with each other.
GT: so i was just thinking that maybe we should break up?
TT: Oh…
GT: yeah…
TT: Well, that was even more serious than I had imagined.
TT: perhaps we should have discussed this over the phone instead.
GT: yeah, i wanted to do that, but i don't think i could have said this clearly over the phone. I'm pretty much a stuttering mess right now.
TT: Well then let me just make sure I have this straight.
TT: You realized through Con Air that you had troubles picturing us in a long-term relationship.
GT: yes.
TT: And because of this you feel that we should just be friends instead of remaining romantically involved.
GT: yes.
TT: And now you're replacing me with Nicholas Cage.
GT: yes.
GT: WAIT NO ROSE WHAT?
TT: So my suspicions were correct.
TT: :O
GT: you close your mouth this instant rose!
GT: and stop putting strange sentences in mine!
GT: i'm trying to have a serious discussion about our relationship here!
TT: I can tell.
TT: Clearly your attraction to Nicholas Cage is a great wall between us I cannot hope to conquer.
TT: My love for you is not enough to defeat his sweaty wifebeater.
GT: no, rose, can we please just talk straight here?
TT: Oh, very well then.
TT: Your new love interest shall have to wait for another session.
GT: okay i have to say you are reacting to this a lot better than i expected.
TT: Am I?
GT: well yeah.
GT: i mean as stupid as it sounds i just decided to break up with you because of con air.
GT: well mostly because of a lot of soul searching and bittersweet memories.
GT: but con air started it.
GT: i'm not sure here rose but i feel like this should be grounds for anger. after all i'm even angry with myself for how this started!
TT: It's fine John.
TT: While you're right that the reason you started thinking like this is laughably awful, I understand that your feelings on the matter are genuine.
TT: And in truth I've been noticing the distance between us too as of late.
TT: While I certainly do love you dearly John I'm afraid I too have issues seeing us in a lasting arrangement.
GT: so does that mean this is a mutual break-up?
TT: I believe it does.
GT: oh thank god!
GT: i was so worried i would be hurting your feelings, or breaking your heart or something!
TT: Rest assured my heart remains in full working order.
GT: okay so we're good then.
TT: Of course we are, John.
TT: After all the time we've known each other it would be silly to let a break-up damage our friendship.
GT: agreed!
GT: hehehe, wow i feel silly for worrying so much now.
GT: okay, well i guess i should get back downstairs; dad and jane already watched another movie while I was thinking.
TT: Feel free.
TT: I would not want to interfere with your family time.
TT: We can talk more later.
GT: yes, i'd definitely like that.
GT: have a good night, rose!
TT: Good night, John.
- ghostyTrickster [GT] has signed off! -
You're honestly not sure how you feel about this. John has been your online boyfriend for five years now, since shortly after he turned 13. While it's true that you had trouble seeing the relationship continuing into the future, you still feel like a constant element in your life has been destroyed. While the distance between the two of you was great, he still managed to be there for you when you needed him.
After several minutes you decide that sitting in your room is not doing you a damn bit of good, and you decide to escape the house and get some fresh air. You go to your window and climb out onto your roof, forgoing the door so as to avoid your family. The night is overcast, and the only light in your area comes from your own house, and the laboratory next door where your mother works. The few stars that can be seen appear dim through the rare gaps in the clouds.
"Rooooooosie!" the voice ringing out behind you sounds far too chipper for your current mood, and you flinch as you turn to see your sister stumbling across the roof. "Rosie, you know the rules! No roof parties without me!"
"Oh I'm well aware of the rules." You say, trying to keep your voice even. "I'm simply not in the party mood."
Roxy stops and scrutinizes you carefully, her expression changed from goofy to sad. "He decided to break up with you, huh?"
"How could you possibly know that?" you glare at Roxy before she can hug you, and she raises her hands in surrender.
"Well, you know Egdork." Roxy smiles sadly at you. "He's been panicking about this all day. Watched Con Air last night because his family vetoed it for movie night, and then started emailing everyone he could trying to get advice."
"That's not what he told me." you frown as you think back to your conversation with John. "Why would he lie about that?"
"Auuugh, that was Jake's idea." Roxy slaps a hand against her head and shakes it in frustration. "He thought you might be more offended if John told you he spent all day thinking about breaking up with you. I said that was stupid, but John had already latched on to the idea."
"Just how many people were involved in this discussion?"
"Me, Jake, Jane stepped in a little bit, Jade, Dave, and Lil' Hal." Roxy sighs, "though Jake and Dave were no help at all, and Jade spent most of the chat being sad. If I took a drink every time she typed 'oh noooooooo' it would be enough to kill even me."
You have to smile a bit at that. "Well at least John had you and Hal to set him straight. I imagine it must have been quite the debate. Rose Lalonde: is she worth it?"
Roxy grabs you before you can defend yourself, and gives you a bone-crushing hug. "Rosie baby, you are so completely worth it you have no idea." She starts rubbing your back, and it takes all your willpower to remember why you're upset. She starts talking right in your ear, in a comforting murmur that settles you. "I know you love John, and I know John loves you. You're not in a relationship any more, but that's not going to change how you two feel. It just means you know how much you really mean to each other."
You smile as Roxy's words sink in. Your older sister always seems to be able to put things in perspective, and it's made you realize why this has upset you. You knew for a long time that your relationship with John wasn't what it used to be, and that frightened you. You may laugh at high school romances and find romantic comedies trite, but it would seem that breakups remain scary as hell.
"Thank you Roxy, I'm feeling alright now." You smile reassuringly at her as she steps back, and you notice she's tearing up. Your face remains thankfully dry. "You should go inside, it's a rather chilly night." You look down and notice that she's dressed in only shorts and a t-shirt, one of her old ones with a cat on them.
"I'm fine baby sis, you and I both know this bod's too hot for a little cold weather." Roxy exclaims proudly as she places her hands on her hips, prompting a chuckle from you. "Besides, we gotta take advantage of the weather while it's not raining. Watch the stars, catch some fireflies…"
You frown. "Roxy, the fireflies don't come out for a few weeks yet."
Roxy's face goes flat as she squints out into the dark. Her eyes narrow suspiciously, and you turn to see what she's looking at. "Rose, do you have your phone on you?"
"Yes, what's going on?"
"Call mom." Roxy rushes over to her window, and comes back with her rifle. You take another look into the forest, and see a light moving about in the pitch black. Your hand flies to your phone immediately.
Roxy raises her scope to her eye and peers into the woods, her face all business. You are trying to see the source of the light, your phone held to your ear. It goes immediately to voicemail, and you hang up. "Her phone's off, she's still working." you say to Roxy, and she bites her lip and nods. The light in the woods is growing steadily.
Roxy continues to stare down into the woods through her scope, though her hands have yet to move to the trigger. You tend to favor using your knitting needles if you need to defend yourself, so you have no choice but to leave matters to Roxy.
Finally, after several minutes pass where the light skirts the edge of the woods, Roxy loses her patience and shifts her hands to the trigger. She tenses up and fires a shot wide of the light, causing it to freeze. "That was a warning shot, asshole!" She hollers into the night. "Come out with your hands up or I put the next one in your head."
There is a moment in which nothing happens, and then the light moves to the open. You and Roxy gape. The light was not a flashlight, as you originally thought. Instead, the light's source is coming directly from the person who walked out, a tall woman wearing black and red. Her skin is glowing a bright white, and with her black lips it makes her face easy to read.
She seems to be embarrassed, a bit of a smile on her face as she holds her hands in the air, with her arms raised and her head lowered. "I apologize for disturbing you," she calls out with a soft voice, "I was just trying to pass through, I didn't mean to intrude."
Roxy smirks as she moves along the edge of the roof, silent as a wraith. She slides down the roof's access ladder with one hand, the other keeping her rifle trained firmly on the intruder. Once she reaches the ground you follow behind her, keeping an eye over your shoulder as you go.
"Alright, so what's with the glowing?" Roxy asks casually as she trains her gun on the intruder. "Is that usual for you?"
"I'm afraid so." The woman glances aside with a frown. "I started glowing several months ago and I haven't been able to figure out how to make it stop."
"Well, that certainly sounds inconvenient." you say as you reach Roxy's side. "It's a wonder you haven't ran afoul of any unwanted attention before now. And the horns, are those a recent development as well?"
Roxy jumps as she looks up and spots the two horns on top of the woman's head. "Sweet Jegus how did I miss those?" She mutters to herself.
Kanaya coughs and looks around, perhaps trying to see if she can make a break for it. Then she looks back at the rifle and Roxy's stern face and sighs. "I was born with these horns. I'm not a human. I'm what's known as a troll."
"You aren't half as ugly as any trolls I've ever seen." Roxy says with a laugh. "And you sure don't sound Jamaican to me."
"Uhh… Jmaecn? No, my name is Kanaya. Who is Jmaecn?" Kanaya asks with a puzzled tilt of her head. "What other trolls have you met?"
"She's referring to trolls as they are portrayed in video games." You say, rolling your eyes as Roxy bursts out laughing. "No relation to your species."
"Oh, I see." She glances at the rifle, still trained on her face even as Roxy is doubled over laughing. "Well, if you don't have any information for me, I'd like to be on my way, I won't disturb you again, so…" she sighs, as Roxy remains oblivious to everything she's saying. "Could you please get her to stop aiming her gun at me?" She turns to you beseechingly.
"Roxy, down girl." You say with a smirk, and Roxy lowers her rifle. She straightens up and smiles winningly at Kanaya. You turn to her with a smile. "There, gun's down, we're all friends here."
"And as our new friend, you have to come inside for the night!" Roxy says with a grin. You nod in affirmation. Kanaya makes a move to run. The resulting scuffle is short, as Kanaya given only half-hearted resistance, and the two of you steer her back to your house.
Your mother Rue Lalonde is already in the kitchen. She has a bottle of tequila on the counter, to your annoyance, but when she sees Roxy enter she swiftly tucks it away into her private pantry and locks it.
"Hey mom, an alien followed us home, can we keep her?" Roxy yells loudly. Kanaya is acting more out of place than ever, and you smile reassuringly at her. Your smile falters as your mother rushes over, with a look you cannot discern. Not that anything she does ever makes any sense to you.
"The plane that went down in Illinois last November, right?" your mother's face has become sharp as she looks at Kanaya suspiciously.
Kanaya seems very taken aback at Rue's question, and you can tell she's feeling very uncomfortable with the situation. "Uh, yes, that's what I've heard, though my knowledge is limited. I find it hard to keep up to date on current events while on the run."
"And you've been on the run since the crash?"
"No, only for the past few months. Since… February? Is that what it's called?"
"That's right dear, now tell me one more thing. Where were you held between November and February?"
"I was with my friends on a military base. They held us there until we escaped. Well I assume they escaped. I died during the endeavor, so I missed the ending of it." This causes everyone in the room to pause, even your mother, and you realize suddenly that Kanaya's pale skin and slightly protruding canines remind you of Dracula. Your curiosity is put on hold as your mother recovers her train of thought.
"The man running this base. What was his name?"
Kanaya's face shifts at the question, from nervous but collected to downright livid with rage. Her hand slides into her pocket, as she seems to let out a low hiss. Roxy moves her hand back to the trigger of her rifle as she eyes Kanaya warily. Kanaya remains still though, and while she trembles with anger she spits out "Doctor Scratch."
Rue Lalonde's face goes white as a sheet as she hears the name. "What was your name dear?" She nods absentmindedly as Roxy blurts out the answer, "Well Kanaya, I'm sorry to say that if your friends are not in custody they will likely be soon enough. Doctor Scratch is a shrewd tactician, with a great deal of resources at his disposal."
"You speak as though you know him, mother." You turn to face her curiously. "How would you know the captor of our friend? Have you met these trolls before?"
"Trolls? Oh no, this is the first time I have had the pleasure." Your mother waves a hand dismissively and addresses Kanaya again. "My dear, I insist you stay with us until you receive further news. Rest assured that as long as you are in my house you will be safe from prying eyes. Out there however you will be found. It would only be a matter of time."
"Mother, while I agree we should keep our guest safe, I will not let that be a distraction." You glare at her as Roxy sighs. She has been in the middle of many a spat between the two of you over the years.
This time however her services are not required. Your mother taps her foot irritably, but knows that she's said too much to keep her information a secret. "Fine Rose, you win. I know Doctor Scratch because he and I used to be colleagues. I used to work with him for the government."
Notes:
Welp, pretty simple portrayal of the characters for the most part. John's earnest, shrugs things off easily, and is sometimes an asshole by accident. Roxy is goofy but ridiculously capable. Rose is serious for the most part, but still has snark enough for all who wish it. And Kanaya is polite, reserved, and hiding some serious levels of kickass.
Also a note on shipping here: I know some people think Rose is lesbian because she is dating Kanaya. That is by no means an unfair assessment. However, I feel that Rose wouldn't be Rose if you could categorize her so easily. Therefore, Rose in my headcanon swings whichever way she damn well pleases. Sue me.