Your name is John Egbert, and you could seriously use some air. You've spent most of the day arguing with your classmates over your aviation engineering assignments, who don't seem to understand anything about aerodynamics. The efficiency of their design was terrible, so you spent the day fighting instead of getting anything done. They think they're smarter than you, but you know better.

If there's one thing you know better than anyone else, it's how wind works.

If there's one thing people don't accuse you of, it's knowing things.

You tend not to let these things annoy you; people have taken you to be somewhat thick for ages, and to be fair you can be airheaded. The problem is though, that this incident is being coupled with the fact that it's been two weeks since you've heard from your now ex-girlfriend Rose Lalonde.

You broke up with her after a full day spent deliberating and asking your friends for advice, including your ex's sister and a particularly smart computer. And while you felt that you ended your relationship on good terms, you haven't heard from her since. She has not called you, texted you, or messaged you on Pesterchum. When you asked Roxy about it she told you that Rose was being kept busy due to a sudden houseguest, but that wouldn't account for a full two weeks without contact. It's rather upsetting to you, because while you decided Rose and you were not suited for each other romantically, she is still pretty much your best friend ever.

So now after spending the day arguing and coming home to your computer to find that Rose has neglected to contact you for the fourteenth day in a row, even as Roxy is talking to you more than ever, you've decided that you need to vent your frustration.

You've dressed all in black for safety's sake, and are at the front door. You hear a commotion from the kitchen and look to see Jane in another baking frenzy. She's been back from medical school for all of two days, and has baked at least four cakes. You thought your dad was bad on his own, but you had forgotten the way your family gets about baking when they team up.

"Jane, I'm going out for a bit." You call to her as you abscond out the door. "I have my phone if you need to get ahold of me." Jane's only response is a grunt, as she furiously works a whisk. When she's in the zone that's about all you can ever get out of her. Your differing opinions on Betty Crocker have been the result of many a war in the Egbert household, and ignoring you while she cooks is the only way Jane manages to contain an impending cakepocalypse.

Once outside you stretch your legs and arms a bit, preparing to make your exit quickly, before your father gets home from the office. Once you feel more limber you let the wind carry around your feet, and jump.

As far as you're concerned there is nothing more relaxing than flying. Feeling the breeze flowing around you and lifting you off the ground is a ridiculously freeing sensation, and you don't really know how you'd deal with the stress you put up with all the time if you didn't have flight to keep you grounded (hehehe). It's an ability you've had ever since you were a child, one that only your father and sister know about, though you've never been able to get an answer out of your father as to how you can even do it. The wind simply comes naturally to you, and you think of it like a brother. A brother that only speaks in whistles.

The air grows colder as you rise further into the sky, and you see your breath leave you in twisting puffs. Your black clothes make you all but invisible from this high in the air, and you let yourself drift with the breeze. Your school and ex girlfriend are no longer on your mind. When you fly, all that exists is yourself and the wind.

After an hour or so, you decide to stop for some food, and you let yourself down in a back alley near a burger place you know will be open until midnight. You start to walk towards the road when the sound of something moving causes you to stop. You look around in confusion, and see a cat pawing around in a dumpster. Clearly, nothing to worry about.

The cat does not agree with you though, as it abruptly hisses and jumps back as a tin can flies out of the dumpster and narrowly misses it. "Stupid fucking flea-bitten beast!" A voice calls out of the dumpster, and the cat swipes at somebody just out of sight. "FUCK, YOU MANGY LITTLE FUCKER, GET OUT OF HERE! After all I've been through, the last thing I need to see is a FUCKING CAT!" You see a sickle of all things swing around wildly, and the cat runs away yowling.

"Stupid fucking thing, like I really needed that reminder of my colossal fuckups." the voice grumbles, and you hear what you think is the person trying to settle down. You decide to investigate.

You lean over the dumpster, and are surprised to see that whatever is down there is almost definitely not human. The person's grey skin could probably just be a result of sleeping in garbage, but there are clear claws and horns visible, and that is not something you've ever known humans to have.

As this is sinking in, the creature notices you, and spazzes out from surprise. You barely have time to take note of it's blood red eyes before you remember this thing is armed and jump well out of reach.

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT HUMAN, TRYING TO SNEAK UP ON ME, EH? WELL TOO BAD FOR YOU, I WON'T BE RECAPTURED SO EASILY! I'M GOING TO DICE YOU UP!"

"Oh wow, that's really impolite!" You can't help but be amused by the antics of the creature (which you are pretty sure is a boy), despite the weapon and shouting. It doesn't help that he's got a leg stuck in the garbage, and is waving his scythe at you like a madman while hopping around on one foot. When he frees his foot, the momentum catches him off guard, and he falls on his face with a loud thud, as well as a great deal of cursing.

He manages to enunciate quite well despite him lying face down on the pavement. "TAKE YOUR SHITTY HUMAN MANNERS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR WASTE CHUTE. AFTER THE WELCOME YOU FUCKERS GAVE ME WHEN I GOT HERE YOU'RE LUCKY I HAVEN'T CULLED YOUR ENTIRE PITIFUL ASSHOLE RACE. BY ALL RIGHTS I SHOULD HAVE HAD YOU TAKE ME TO YOUR FUCKING LEADER AND TAKEN HIM DOWN BY FORCE. THEN MAYBE YOUR GODAWFUL PLANET WOULDN'T BE SO UNBELIEVABLY TERRIBLE."

You're not sure how to respond to that. If it's true that this guy is here to take over your planet, then you should probably consider calling the police. On the other hand, he looks very similar to humans, and you don't think real aliens actually say "take me to your leader". Even if he is a real alien though, he's not particularly threatening, and seems bitter rather than bloodthirsty.

You decide to keep things simple, walking up to the fake-looking alien and holding a hand down to him. "Hello, alien creature. My name is John Egbert."

There's a long pause. The alien remains face down, unmoving for several long moments. Then finally he lets out a long, drawn out sigh, and holds up a hand. "Karkat." You can't help but grin as you help him to his feet and get a proper look at him.

Karkat is very normal looking over all; the horns and red eyes are the only particularly noticeable thing distinguishing him from plain-old human hobos. He's eying you up as well, probably trying to judge your intentions (your intentions are that you're friendly). You see blood trickling down his face from his nose, probably from the fall.

"You know you're bleeding, right?"

"OH SHIT!" Karkat's eyes bug out again, and he starts wiping at his face with his sleeve, smearing dirt and blood everywhere before stopping. "Wait, why am I freaking out? Everyone knows I'm a mutant blooded monstrosity already." He lowers his arm, revealing a face that is now far messier than ten seconds earlier, though his face hasn't diminished in sheer surliness.

"So what's an alien doing hiding in a dumpster?" You ask, trying to show some friendliness with by smiling. He seems to take it as an insult, glaring at your grin until you are forced to remove it from his presence.

"I'm just sleeping here for the night and carrying on tomorrow morning. I'm just going to go somewhere with low population density so I can never curse anyone with my presence again." Karkat sighs and trudges back to the dumpster. "You don't actually have to worry about me killing you or anyone else, I'm not that much of an asshole. Just let me be and keep quiet, and this time tomorrow you'll never have to worry about the creepy alien monster you found in a giant waste receptacle."

"You know they pick up the garbage tomorrow in this area." You inform him with a frown. "You sleep in that dumpster you might get put through the compacter.

Karkat glares at you, as though it's your fault for setting the garbage schedule. "Well, that's just fucking great. I guess I'll go find somewhere even more degrading to spend the night then. Maybe under a rock. Or how about under a bridge? I hear that that's typical troll behavior around here."

You decide to put the question of how a space alien came to learn human nursery rhymes aside and deal with the serious issue. "You could always spend the night with my family."

Karkat looks up at you in disbelief. "Are you fucking serious? You know I don't have human currency, right? I don't have any of your different kinds of money. You'd be getting nothing in return."

"Doesn't matter." You reply with a grin. "I just want to help a foreign member of an alien species out."

Karkat looks hopeful for a moment, but then his face freezes. Hissing, he suddenly turns around and stalks back to the dumpster again, muttering to himself. "What the fuck am I thinking, about to get a family of innocent morons killed just so I can sleep inside." He turns back to you and gives you a steely glare. "Yeah, thanks but no thanks, dumbass, I've got a lot of shitty people chasing me, and a tendency to get my friends killed. We're both better off if I stay away."

You grin at him and grab his wrist. "Too late, my mind's made up."

Karkat reacts to the sudden contact like a cat with water. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING EGBERT, GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME, I SAID…" he trails off, one hand still trying to loosen your grip on him, and you see his eyes go wide. Rosy colored tears start to stream down his face, and he starts opening and closing him mouth as he tries to form words that aren't coming to him. "I said… I said…" he whispers breathlessly, his eyes roving all over the place.

Karkat falls silent, not letting out so much as a breath, and you immediately panic. Unsure of what else to do, you lay him on his side and use your wind powers to push air in and out of his lungs, which thankfully seem to be in the same place as that of a human.

After several moments of this, you see Karkat twitch a little bit. You stop pushing air into his lungs and are relieved to see his chest rising normally. You are less relieved when he chokes, rolls onto his side, and throws up. Bile and blood spill onto the ground, and you decide that you are officially done with this situation. You are not qualified to provide medical care to a space alien.

You pull out your phone and call home, relieved to hear Jane pick up almost immediately. "Egbert residence, this is Jane speaking, how may I help you?"

"Jane, this is John, I need you to get your car and drive down to the Burger Depot, two blocks down the road from the Dadly Depot. I found a space alien that needs medical attention, and he says bad people are following so I don't think the hospital would be a good idea."

There's a pregnant pause before Jane answers. "John, this is a shitty prank even by your standards."

"Jane! Just get over here fast, this is an emergency! If you don't get over here right now I'll use my wind powers to wallpaper your room with cake mix!" You hang up the phone before Jane can give a rebuttal, and return your attention to Karkat. You also catalogue your threat in the back of your mind for future pranking.

"Fuck… off… Egbert…" Karkat's calls out hoarsely, having barely regained consciousness. "Not… your… business…" he trails off again as he tries to get back on his feet, but he can't seem to lift himself off of the ground. He seems to settle for rolling away from the vomit he's left on the ground, though even that causes him to curse from the exertion.

"Shut up Karkat, I'm not going to leave the first space alien I've ever met to die in a back alley. Besides, we're friends now."

"Oh, great… your stupid friendship emotion. That's just fucking swell." Karkat manages to look thoroughly unimpressed despite clearly being in excruciating pain.

"Friendship isn't an emotion, fucknuts." You say with a sigh, smiling a bit in spite of everything when you see Karkat weakly raise an arm to flip you off. You decide to leave him for a moment so that you can keep watch for your sister, and after making sure he's not going to hurt himself further, you head for the opening to the alleyway.

"I don't… deserve this." you hear Karkat groan to himself as you walk away. You can't help but think that he's right. You don't know what Karkat's been through, but you think it's safe to say that whatever it was, you wouldn't wish it upon anybody.

Notes:

So here's John, a goofball with a kind heart and the ability to control the wind. Originally I wasn't going to give any of the humans their powers, but after much consideration I felt it was necessary to have the characters make use of them to at least some extent. John and Jane are the primary ones I placed under consideration regarding this though, because the others all prove to be skilled combatants without their powers. This story is, after all, as much based on action as it is based on character. And the Egberts (as they shall henceforth be referred) are the only characters not to show any sort of aptitude for combat before sburb. Even Rose went from mild-mannered to gouging an ogre's eyes out immediately upon getting an excuse to do so. John on the other hand... lost to an imp. I felt it best to give him something so that I could justify him surviving more than two chapters in a story with so much violence. As for other human characters... well you'll see.

Don't forget to leave a comment! I crave your opinion like other people crave hamburgers. Well, I also crave hamburgers, but I'll settle for constructive criticism!