A/N-Making our way to the teen years which are gonna be a rough ride. Buckle up. Thank you to everyone who is reading this, let me know what you think :)
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Chapter Text"Trying to live without your love is one long sleepless night
Let me show you, girl, that I know wrong from right."
I Want You Back by The Jackson Five
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Lucy's father died when she was eleven suddenly and Mac was the first person she called; they talked often anyway and kept in touch all winter, counting the days until summer vacation, as always. She would turn twelve during this visit and Mac wanted to make the day special for her after all she had been through that year. That was the first year he bought her the roses too, and that continued for the rest of his life. Pink roses for Lucy on her birthday when she was alive and pink roses for her grave after that. At fourteen and twelve they hadn't known a thing about what the future held for them, they just wanted to have some fun.
Of course, they got caught.
Both their mothers stood in the bedroom on July 7th, Lucy's twelfth birthday as fourteen-year-old Mac and birthday girl Lucy snuck through the window, thinking they got over on their parents. That would be a cold day in hell for sure, the two sisters were not stupid and they had been young once too. As he boosted her through the window Lucy landed with a thud and then looked up; she came face to face with both women.
"Opppsss," She giggled as Mac came through the window next.
"Where the fuck were you two? It's one am!" His mother screeched and reached to smack him in the head, but he ducked before she got a good shot.
"Just out walking in the canyon," Mac shrugged, "Wanted to make her birthday special, we found some cool shit."
"Yeah. Mom," Lucy piped up, "Wait till I show those jerks at school what Mac found for me."
She dumped a bag of red rocks and sparkly stones on the floor and her mother noticed it was the first genuine smile to cross Lucy's face since they had lost her father. Her eyes were bright again after being so dark and listless for months. Sheila had been so worried about Lucy, the girl had been straight up depressed, with good reason, but she was going to be OK. This night was the start of her recovery and her mother stopped worrying so much about her.
They were still in trouble and grounded for two weeks, and no TV, so they had no choice but to stay inside and read. Lucy loved to read and she read out loud to him from all manner of books during that two weeks, and he found he liked the sound of her voice. They read "Moby Dick" and "Alas Babylon" during those two weeks and discussed them in great detail. Even after they weren't grounded anymore, he would still ask her to read to him sometimes and sometimes he would read to her.
They were allowed to listen to the radio and that was how Mac discovered Nirvana, specifically the song Lithium. "I'm so happy cause today I found my friends, they're in my head."
"You smell like smoke Mac, and you!" Lucy's mother turned to her, "Were you smoking too?"
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That summer just before they left Lucy broke her arm when she fell off Mac's dirt bike. All summer she had been begging him to let her ride alone and not "bitch" all the time. Against his better judgment he let her ride alone and she wiped out the first go, and he didn't know why he was so shocked by it; that was Lucy always pushing her boundaries, and wiping out.
She had fallen off her bike more times than he could count and her skateboard, what made him think she could handle that dirt bike?
He had never been so scared in his entire life though, not even when Walter got stabbed breaking up a bar fight the December before and that had been the scariest thing he had ever seen. While his friends Martin, Stanley, and Marco stood there laughing, before they even knew if she was OK, Mac was running like a bat out of hell to get to her.
She had been OK because he had made her wear a helmet, even though she complained that it would mess up her hair. He just told her to "Shut the fuck up and do as he said or not ride at all." That had been the smartest thing he had ever done and for years after he would always be grateful that he'd had the good sense not to give her her way that time.
Sometimes he couldn't say no to her, she had a way of getting what she wanted from him even at a young age. His friend Marco had used the term "pussy whipped" a time or two and got punched in the face, more than once for saying that.
When they got back from the hospital and her arm had been set they sat side by side on the couch watching TV, after a while, Lucy laid her head on his lap and fell asleep. Mac absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair as he looked down at her and he knew in that moment, for the rest of their lives there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her. He had thought she was dead, and worse that he had been responsible; he never wanted to feel that horrible feeling again.
Mac grabbed a marker from the coffee table and scribbled a note on the cast. "Next time look where you're going- M"; Seeing her in pain had scared him on a visceral level, he had been powerless to make it go away. He didn't like that feeling, he wanted to be an in control man like his father.
As he sat there thinking about his father Lucy's eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, but he didn't stop playing with her hair.
"I'm sorry I broke your dirt bike," She whispered and sat up on the couch.
"OK, first, You are way more important to me than that bike, and two, I'll have it running again by the weekend," Mac answered and that was true, already he was talented in the mechanical field. Sometimes he worked in the garage across from the bar for pocket money, even at such a young age, that was the way it was. If you wanted money in this town you had to earn it and Mac was not afraid of work.
Frequently his father would hand him packages to run across to the garage, telling him not to look inside and he didn't, but he knew what it was. At fourteen he was extremely street smart and knew already how the world was, his younger cousin went to private school in Los Angeles, she didn't know the way of his world now. He never wanted her to know and he would never tell her what he did and thought about when she was not there.
"Are you just saying that?" She asked, "Aren't you mad?"
"No Luce, I ain't mad at no one but me for letting you do it." He said and squeezed her good hand.
"I have a hell of a story to tell all those bitches at school this year," She said with a smile and laid her head back down in his lap, his hand went back into her hair without him even being aware of it.
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"Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, as long as you're with me you'll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, nothing's gonna take you from my side."
Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby by Cigarettes After Sex
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"Hey, what are you doing?" Mac said into the phone one dark January night the next year as he laid down in bed and lit a joint. He quietly sucked in the smoke, holding it deep then exhaling it towards the open window next to his bed. He didn't want Lucy to know he was getting high or for his mother to smell it, things were not good with Sylvia lately.
Mac had just come home from being out with Walter for their regular visitation, was a little wired up and needed to unwind and to talk to her. The pot had been Walter's and he stole a couple of joints for himself like he did every time. Walter was into much more than pot and Mac knew it, that was part of the reason his parents were divorced now. But that was only part of it, Walter hit and still did and ran some shady business from The Luna Mesa. He included his son in his dealings at the bar and elsewhere and shouldn't have, Mac was young and impressionable, and he had no one to talk to but Lucy, no one he wanted to talk to at least. More and more there were things he couldn't tell her though, things that were happening and things that were going on in his head.
The pot helped with that, kept him mellow, kept him from acting upon some of the things he thought about. It was hard though, there were things he wanted to do, he knew they were bad and he didn't care. The pot helped, talking to Lucy helped, but not entirely. His mind was his worst enemy and it was getting worse the older he got.
The pot was no surprise to her, Mac had known how to roll a joint before he could read practically, Lucy knew all about it, she didn't exactly approve, but she loved her cousin. She also knew he didn't get many choices when it came to Walter, it was a slippery slope.
"Reading the most horrible book ever written."
"Why?"
"It's required." Lucy groaned and rolled over in bed, "And it sucks ass."
"What book?"
"Catcher in the Rye."
He laughed into the phone, he had to read it two years ago and hated it too, they were so much alike, and yet so different, he thought to himself.
"Yup." He replied, "Holden Caufield is a douche."
"Right?" Lucy replied. They were always on the same page about books, it was uncanny how alike they were.
"Do you know how many serial killers and murderers have been found with that book in their possession?" He asked, "Mark David Chapmen, the one that did John Lennon and that screwball that killed that actress."
Mac knew a lot about that particular topic, he spent hours at the library researching those very things. He had to because he was symptomatic; some of the traits of people like Chapman and Bundy, he recognized in himself. The obsession with fire, for one thing, the thoughts, and the desire for control. He was smart, Sylvia had been right, his IQ was very high. He was smart enough to go looking for answers to the why and how of himself, why he was the way he was and did the things he did; and it brought no peace.
"Its a piece of shit."
"Agreed," Mac said with a smile, forgetting those thoughts for a while and took another hit off the joint, "How's La La Land treating you? You need me to come there and bust some asses?" He said lighting his lighter and staring at the flame, he loved fire. Mac was mesmerized by it sometimes and he knew that was not quite normal.
"Nah I got it. But thanks, Mac." She smiled into the phone, "You're the best."
"No, I'm not," He answered, letting the smoke out, and hoping she didn't know what he was doing, but she did. She wasn't stupid and she didn't care.
Lucy was the only person who thought he was worth a damn, really worth a dam; it was why he clung to her so desperately all his life. His father used him to get back at his mother and to run errands for him and his mother was just mad at him all the time now.
Lucy thought the sun rose and set over him, how could you not want that in your life; she accepted him just as he was, no matter what.
"I think so." She answered and it was like she was the only person who believed in him at all. Once Mac and his mother had been so close but they were so angry with each other now and she didn't like his friends.
Walter assured Sylvia that he would watch the boy and make sure that he was on the right path, but Sylvia doubted Walter knew what the right path was. Still, she couldn't stop him from seeing his son and she knew it; she also knew the path Walter might have Mac on wasn't a good one.
"Luce, I'm really not."
This was only one of the many times Mac would say that to Lucy as if it was a warning; "I'm not a good person Luce," He would say so often.
"You're my person and that's all that matters to me." She would always say that and it always made him feel better. For a while anyway.
It was a lot to live up to though and he knew he always fell short, at fourteen he was already running drugs and later he would be learning to cook. He and his friends ran rampant around the canyon doing as they pleased with no repercussions at all. He was going to have to hide so much from her the next time she came to visit. If he even could hide it now that he'd let the beast in his nature take over sometimes, it got easier and easier and deep down inside himself he didn't want it to be.