Your name is Equius Zahhak, and you are an inexcusable failure. You have spent a long time now attempting to craft something that could function as a working body for your secret flushcrush. Approximately twelve weeks in standard human time, according to Nepeta. Unfortunately, while prosthetics are manageable with your current equipment and resources, you are finding the more intricate workings of such a machine to be beyond you.
"Fiddlesticks!" You spit out in a rage as your third attempt to create a functioning heart collapses in on itself. Every time you have attempted to run a current through the piece to check it's functionality, it has crumpled. Even the slightest charge proves to be excessive. The same has proven to be true for any other internal parts. Your attempts at lungs have burst open, your work with eyes has proven to remain entirely fruitless, and you simply cannot seem to get her face right.
If you had access to alternian metals such issues would be easily remedied, but they remain beyond your reach. Human metals are either too soft or too brittle; the balance required for such a project is too fine for either extreme. Nepeta does her best, stealing scraps of metal wherever she can, attempting to find something that you can work with. But success continues to elude you both.
Meanwhile, Aradia is growing more distant. She still speaks with you using the old wiring she's been manipulating, but whenever she draws away from you she claims the dead continue to harass her, the voices growing angrier every time she leaves them. Meanwhile, the same unexplainable force that causes the dead spirits to leave you alone also seems to damage Aradia in some way. Should she spend too much time around you you're afraid her spirit might fade completely.
"Equius! Did it worrrrrk?" Nepeta's chiming voice shatters your reverie, as you feel her flop across your shoulders.
"It would appear my efforts have once again proven futile." You sigh and start to pack up your equipment. Nepeta lets out a groan and paps your face gently.
"Don't worry Equius, I know you'll figure it out. Maybe the paw-lace we're going to will have what we need!" You nod hopefully as Nepeta hops down and moves to the door of the run down building you have been occupying for the past three days. You have been moving towards a laboratory in the east for the past week, after hearing the technology it boasted was well beyond normal human limits.
"I'm going to go find Purradia and tell her we're leaving!" Nepeta calls as she leaves the room. You wave to her and gather your things, while keeping your ears open for trouble. You know that Nepeta can handle herself exquisitely on her own, but as her moirail and physical superior you still don't feel comfortable unless she's within sight. You know she doesn't appreciate it very much, but you can't help but fuss.
You gather up the last of your things and prepare to leave. Nepeta is capable of hunting well enough for both of you to eat properly, though she resents spending time finding vegetables for you. Instead most of your luggage is made up of robotics equipment, including scrap metal, your toolbox, and a more recent addition: an icebox. You can only hope that this laboratory will have the resources you need to make Aradia her new body.
Two nights later you believe the laboratory is within reach. It has been slow going for you and Nepeta, as while you are both able to move swiftly, you have been careful to remain silent. Stealth is something you can handle surprisingly well, especially given your impressive size, but it will never come as naturally to you as it does to Nepeta. Her ability to carry herself so perfectly when she wishes to is something that has always impressed you about her.
Suddenly you glimpse a glimmer of lights distantly, through the dense cover of trees. Nepeta spots it and bounds soundlessly away. You continue to move behind her, and see her silhouetted in the light for a brief moment. She's back at your side a minute later.
"The lights are furom a house!" she reports with a grin. "The lab is just behind it, and the lights are off!" You nod and start to move, when Nepeta speaks up again. "Also, I found this kitty!"
You turn back and stare at her. Nepeta is positively beaming, holding a small black kitten with four eyes in her arms. The both of them are purring at each other. "Nepeta. That cat is clearly abnormal. You will return it to wherever you found it."
Nepeta hisses at you, and to your consternation you see the cat is now imitating her every action. "No, Equius, I want to keep him, he's sooo cute! Look at this face." She holds the cat up to your nose. It hisses at you. "How can you resist this face?"
"Nepeta, cease this foolishness and put the cat down immediately."
"No!"
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes."
"GRAAAUGHRABLAH!" Nepeta waves her arms around in a frenzy. The cat has wisely chosen to relocate to her shoulder. "I don't want to put the cat down! He reminds me of Pounce!"
You were not expecting her to bring up her guardian. "Oh." You look down at the cat again. "It's the wrong color." You realize that this was a terrible thing to say when Nepeta glares at you and runs off with the cat.
It was hard for many of those in your group to leave their lusus behind. Vriska and Sollux were pretty glad to get away, but the others had more difficulty. You know that leaving Arthour to tend to your home on his own was difficult for both of you, though with all the trouble you put your dear butler through you think that he honestly earned a vacation. Though he's likely still cleaning the house, he's simply too good at butlering to abandon his duties.
Nepeta was probably the one who had the most difficulty leaving her lusus, with the exception of Feferi who had to find a way to leave without killing every troll in the universe. Pounce de Leon and Nepeta used to hunt together daily, and the two relied heavily upon each other in a lot of ways. She was so upset when it was decided that her lusus was too large to bring along that you banned everyone else from bringing their lusus along as well.
Clearly this cat, with its redundant second set of eyes, reminds Nepeta of Pounce's redundant second mouth. This is suddenly exceedingly obvious to you, and makes your earlier comment seem all the more foolish and mean. It would seem that Aradia agrees with your conclusion, as you see the wires she uses for communication slither into view and form her own criticism.
That was very foolish and mean Equius.
"In retrospect I have become fully aware of that." You mutter. You can feel Aradia's stern gaze boring into you, despite her having no visible eyes. It suddenly occurs to you that you are sweating profusely. "I will go to apologize to her immediately."
That would be best.
You nod and turn to face the direction Nepeta ran in, when you hear a hiss and a slurring voice. "Unhand my Mutie or suffer the consterse- oh fuck me, what am I even saying? Lolz!"
You move swiftly in the direction of the voice and see a human standing in front of Nepeta, with a rifle trained between her eyes. The human's aim is steady, though she is herself swaying back and forth, apparently suffering from hiccups. This is completely unacceptable to you.
"Aradia, if she fires, do not let the bullet strike Nepeta. Or the cat." You charge before taking the time to see if she responds, throwing all of your considerable muscles into a strongjump that sends you flying straight towards the human. She spots you just before you can reach her weapon though, and somehow manages to dance out of the way. Your momentum carries you through a swathe of trees, and into the clearing where the human home is.
The human stares after you as you rise to your feet. "Oh my Gog, I have miscombobulated the shit out of this situation." She says quietly as you march towards her. You find yourself unable to help the smirk that her reaction brings. The human doesn't seem to be completely out of ideas though, as she shoulders her rifle and claps her hands together, muttering to herself. "Okay Roxy, you can do this, just focus or else the big monster troll will kill you, focus, and invisibilate!"
The human suddenly disappears from your vision. You whirl around in an attempt to spot her, but she is clearly completely gone. Nepeta jumps to her feet as well, hackles raised and claws at the ready. "She's completely disappeared, Equius!" Nepeta hisses in surprise, "I can't even hear her breathing! Whatefur she did, it was more than just invisibility!"
You look around for a little while longer, but find that she truly has completely vanished. Running away is a coward's ploy, but you have to admit her powers of evasion are strong in their own way. You hear the door to the house close and your worry suddenly skyrockets. "We must go to the lab now, Nepeta. After tonight they will be on guard, and we cannot take the risk of more people spotting us. We are lucky that human appeared to be inebriated."
Nepeta nods, and takes off running for the laboratory on all fours, with you following behind, keeping an uneasy eye on the house. The human acted inebriated, yes, but still unnervingly sound of mind. You have little doubt she can convince her kind that she speaks the truth. Especially with the damage you've dealt to the area. And more disturbing is that she knew your species by name. It may have been a coincidence that she referred to you as a troll, but you somehow doubt it.
Your instincts as a blueblood tell you to rip the house to the ground and kill everyone inside. If this were Alternia, your instincts would be correct. But this is not Alternia. To destroy a threatening house is natural when one is a highblood. But, as much as the thought disturbs you, you are not a highblood here. You are a refugee. As much as ever, discretion remains your most expedient option.
You turn back to face the front and see Nepeta bounding away, gaining distance on you as you have been distracted. You put on an extra burst of speed to catch up with her. At this point your only chance is to ransack the laboratory for useful equipment and make a run for it before anyone catches on.
Suddenly Nepeta stops, her head tilted to the side. It would appear that she has heard something. You slow your pace as you look around for whatever she's noticed. Neither of you see the human adult until she's between you and the lab.
The woman looks like an older version of the one from before, and you are stunned by how swiftly she's appeared in front of her. Before you have a chance to react, Nepeta leaps for her, claws outstretched. You call out a warning to her, but the situation has caused Nepeta to move entirely on instinct, and she is heedless to you. For a moment you are torn between wanting to stop Nepeta from harming the human, and protecting her from harm herself. It is the latter that proves the greater worry.
The woman dodges Nepeta's pounce easily, grabbing her by the tail and swinging her around. You cry out in alarm and rush forward, only to find your arms full of angry cat-girl. Nepeta is clearly angry, but thankfully unharmed. You place her on the ground, mindful of her flailing claws, and step forward to face the woman.
"My goodness, but you're a big one!" The woman says, stepping forward smoothly in her heeled shoes. Her face is set in a grim smile, and despite your size advantage it sets you on edge. "You know, I do not have an issue with outsiders. I do not have an issue with creatures of a different species. But I do have an issue with anyone who would attempt to harm either one of my daughters." Her body shifts smoothly into a combative stance. Your body breaks swiftly into a sweat.
"Nepeta, go get the supplies. You know well what kind of metals and tools I require. I will keep this woman occupied." Nepeta nods her head reluctantly and slips into the shadows. The woman watches her go, but knows better than to turn her back on you.
"As an outsider on your property, I know full well that I am in the wrong here." You say with a sigh. It seems like ever since you have come to Earth you have been forced to take custom after custom and break it in order to survive. "However, because I cannot allow you to speak of this incident, or in some other way draw unwanted attention to me or my moirail, I am afraid I have no choice but to eliminate you."
"You can try." The voice comes from behind you, and you whirl around to see the woman has moved to your side in an instant. "But you won't succeed. As I understand it, the notion of parents is foreign to trolls. So allow me to teach you why you should never mess with a mother."
Her fist strikes in a blur, sinking into your stomach, and to your mortification the human manages to send you back a step. You throw a fist back, but the surprise attack has made you sluggish. The woman is behind you before you've pulled back your arm. The next blow from her comes just below your ribcage, a sharp jab in your side that causes your back to arch involuntarily. While not nearly as strong as you, this woman is clearly exceptionally skilled.
Despite the fighting prowess of your opponent though, you are swiftly getting a feel for her speed and attack style. Her next jab aims for a pressure point in your leg, but by flexing your muscles fully you are able to deflect the attack easily. The woman jumps back at this, and begins to regard you again.
While physical opponents are never able to measure up to your strength, you have trained for such eventualities as this. It is unfortunate for this human woman that while you prefer fights to be a contest of strength, you have ensured that your opponents are capable of measuring up to you in some regard. The robots you program to attempt to kill you could never withstand your strength, so you often designed them to be fast instead.
This woman is strong and fast, and possesses a fighting skill far beyond any machine you have built. But you have power, and as any self-respecting troll will tell you, in a proper fight enough power can exceed any stratagem. You are not a skilled fighter, as your attempts to learn techniques beyond punching or kicking have always resulted in immediate destruction of your target before you can adequately practice. But you are strong, and you are smart. That's all you've ever needed.
The next strike from the woman is a jab for your throat, but you are able to deflect this by flexing as well. The strike is enough to hurt, but causes no permanent damage. You retaliate by sweeping your arm in a swift arc, grazing her and causing her to stumble. Her ability to retain her poise in heels is baffling to you, but hardly relevant. The blow has left a bruise that you can already see blossoming on her forearm.
Taking the initiative, you charge forward, but find that your opponent is prepared. Your frontal assault is met by two fingers on each hand, which strike at vital points, using your momentum to hit hard at your chest and shoulder. Her stance then changes from solid to lithe in a smooth movement, and she flips you over your head, finishing with a punch to the face as you fall.
You lay on the ground in shock, hardly able to believe that a human was able to counter your attack so easily. Her strength is clearly immense, particularly for one of her species, and you feel uneasy at the thought of fighting her further. You find yourself wishing she were a troll for a moment, but dismiss the thought as too lewd even for you to dwell upon.
As you sit up, you find yourself wondering why the woman has not struck a finishing blow. Your time spent winded on the ground was only a few seconds, but for her this would be a trifling amount. You get to your feet slowly, stopping for a moment to spit out blood and a tooth that was knocked out in the blow. Simply exquisite.
The woman is eying you warily from where she struck you, still mad, but clearly exhausted herself. Further investigation reveals that her counterattack has broken the fingers she used to strike at you. You find yourself wanting to know how her punch would have felt had her hand not been so exceedingly damaged.
Unfortunately you have a task to complete, however, and no matter how exquisite a specimen this human is, she has seen too much. Discretion is your only chance at survival, and more importantly, Nepeta's only chance as well. You attempt to raise your arm to deal a final blow, but find that the damage to your shoulder is enough that you cannot lift it. A step forward reveals that your body is protesting all movement. The woman's strike has clearly damaged your bloodpusher.
The woman has noticed this, and now that she has confirmed that you are injured, prepares a final blow. Her stance shifts back from defensive to offensive, and she suddenly rushes at you. Her injuries are not as severe as yours, but they have disrupted her enough that she is no longer moving faster than you can follow. You decide in a split second that you have one chance of surviving. You suck in air, ignoring the pain in your chest, and force your body into a strong jump. It is now your turn to vanish.
You fly into the air in a blur of movement, and see that your opponent below you is unable to see you in the night sky. She has stopped moving, and seems to be searching the skies for a sign of you, but your height is great enough that you are out of her sight. You fall back down with a grimace, knowing that your injuries prevent you from landing properly, but the damage upon impact should be enough to kill the human effortlessly.
A loud shriek catches your attention suddenly, and you see a blur of white and red in the corner of your eye. Before you can land the finishing blow you feel a hand grasp your good horn and haul you around in midair. The interloper throws you effortlessly into the ground to the side, and you feel with a jolt the shifting of your innards. You roll slowly so that your body is facing down, and haul yourself wearily to your knees.
Your left eye won't open, apparently swelling from a cut that is blossoming across your brow. Your left eye sees clearly, a sure sign that your last pair of sunglasses has finally shattered under pressure.
Standing next to the woman you were fighting is the girl from before, and another slightly shorter one. Between them and yourself is Kanaya, chainsaw out and pointed at your face. She says something to you, but a loud whistling in your ear drowns her out. You were quite sure that Kanaya was dead. This clearly requires some form of questioning.
You open your mouth to speak, but find that you are unable to make a sound. It occurs to you that your mouth is now full of blood. You cough up the blood welling in your throat and spit it on the ground. Everything is now sideways. Nepeta is running towards you, but you fear that it is too late for her to appear. You have been killed by humans and a ghost, and if Nepeta doesn't leave soon, the same will happen to her.
The last thing you see before you black out, after Nepeta is met by Kanaya and forcibly stopped from attacking the humans, after the younger humans rush to their protector, is Aradia's scrawling text.
Time is running out Equius. I'll be waiting for you.
You finally pass out.
Your name is Dirk Strider, and you have just received an unexpected phone call.
"Diiiiirk, I need you!" Roxy's voice rings over the phone, brash as always, and you're annoyed to hear that she has a noticeable slur.
"Roxy, you've been drinking again."
"Pshhh, only one or two martinis, no big!"
"Roxy how are you even making martinis, you said your family cut you off! Your mom locked you out of the cellar, didn't she?" You know if Mrs. Lalonde has begun letting Roxy back into her liquor cabinets there will be hell to pay, from you and Rose both.
"Ooh, there's a cool story about that, I can tell you all about it when you get up here!"
"Up there? Roxy, why in the world would I be going all the way up to Rainbow Falls?"
"Honestly Dirk, I just exclaimed it to you, I need you! Come to bed with me!" She snorts out the last line and starts sputtering with laughter. You seriously can't deal with this right now.
Luckily somebody has appeared to answer your prayers, because after a brief scuffle on the other end you hear Rose's voice drowning out protests from her older sister. "Dirk, I'm sorry for disturbing you, but we have need of your robotic expertise. There is a project that may be a case of life or death, and we lack the skills to complete it. I have sent you some schematics."
You check your computer and see that Rose has indeed emailed you an attachment. The blueprints are absurdly detailed, and would require the kind of materials you know only Mrs. Lalonde can readily provide. But one thing doesn't sit right with you here. "What happened to the person who drew these blueprints? Surely if they're good enough to draw something like this they're good enough to make the robot?"
Rose hesitates. "He is… indisposed. Mom ruptured most of his internal organs. And she can't attempt it either because he broke her arms."
What.
"What!?" Rue Lalonde is the only person your brother has ever shown fear towards. You can hardly imagine what could break her arms, save for a speeding train.
"We have some rather… unusual guests." Rose mutters, and you start checking the rest of the files that she sent you. You reach the head diagram and suddenly understand everything.
"I'll book a flight." You hang up the phone and grab a bag, throwing some clothes into it and ducking out of your room.
Your hall is filled with smuppets, hanging from nooses like some strange execution gallery. It's a tactic Dave and Terezi have been using to get back at your Bro for smuppet bombing them, and your bro seems to take a strange satisfaction in seeing his creations strung up like criminals. Vriska's tactic of ripping them to pieces is much less effective, as Bro has found a way to fill the smuppets with smaller smuppets. Truly, he is the porn puppet master.
Your twin and his guests are sitting in the living room watching Peter Pan. Dave and Terezi are poking fun at the movie, and Vriska is enthralled. Your Bro is making some kind of macaroni casserole in the kitchen. He is wearing a flowery apron.
"Hey bro, I'm going to New York. The Lalondes need me to build a robot troll."
"Pack an extra sword, that family is nuts."
Notes:
Equius has had it rough lately, but is good at pretending his problems don't exist. Rue Lalonde (or Mom, if you prefer), is a total badass, who loves her kids to death, regardless of what Rose thinks. The fight between them became way longer than I expected, because as you may have noticed, I am addicted to writing action sequences. Thankfully I should be able to take some time to focus on actual character development for the next couple of chapters. Probably. Next time, the Harleys finally appear! Along with more crazy powers that I'm still not going to explain yet!
In unrelated news, it would seem that my computer is able to recognize GRAAAUGHRABLAH as an actual word! Somehow Microsoft word had no problem with it. I guess I've used the same frustrated vocalization in the past?