Moving through the teen years. Smut warning ahead.

That year it was difficult for him to burn her out of his mind and he tried, Mac tried every day. At first, he had been so wound up over what almost happened that he couldn't think of anything else. It was an obsession that wouldn't go away no matter what he did, and he never thought of any girl as much as he thought of her. He wondered if Lucy was upset, she never said a thing about it.

She also didn't try and stop it, stop him.

If their parents hadn't come home they would have ended up in bed together, he wouldn't have been able to stop and that was not good. He wondered if she said no, would he have forced her and that was a gruesome thought even for him. But he wasn't sure that he wouldn't have. He had been ready to pounce on her like a cat pounced on a mouse when their mothers arrived.

He threw himself into working now, and Walter couldn't have been happier with his last son, there were rumors that Walter had other children, but none of them had ever shown up. Mac was the youngest of Walter's children or so it was thought by most people. Now he was Walter's favorite son, there was an older brother somewhere and a sister, but Walter rarely mentioned them.

Mac didn't know he had siblings until he was older, their mother had taken them away before he was born, an older brother would have been nice to talk to, there was a lot of shit on his mind and no answers in sight.

More and more he realized there had to be something mentally wrong with him, it wasn't the meth, not entirely, that just brought it out more. At least that was what he could figure out for himself.

In school, before he dropped out he had read Nietzsche; Nietzsche was a little crazy and in love with his sister allegedly, "Battle not with monsters, lest you become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you."

He was lusting after his cousin, and not entirely sorry about it, there was nothing alleged about that either; he was gazing into the abyss and he liked it.

/

Walter smacked Mac on the back of the head as he sat on the bar stool peeling the label off his empty beer bottle, a habit he had acquired recently and did without even realizing it. He was texting with Lucy and not paying attention, Blue Oyster Cult was on the jukebox in the corner by the pool table, and he hummed along with the song he had heard a million times there, "Burn out the day, burn out the night, I can't see no reason to put up a fight." The story of his fucking life wasn't it? He hadn't heard Walter creep around to his side of the bar until he was right next to him.

It was late afternoon, still, he had nowhere to be and the nighttime regulars were starting to filter in. Rosie, one of the bartenders was already up to her elbows in orders, but she had been at this so long that she didn't even need to think before she poured.

"You all caught up?" Walter asked folding his arms across his chest and assessing his son.

"Yeah, what the fuck man?" Mac said, closing his phone as Rosie twisted the cap off of a beer and placed it in front of him, taking the empty and leaving the torn label on the bar. "Thanks, Rosie."

Rosie nodded and then did the same for Walter then headed to the other side of the bar to repeat the same for Marco, Stanley, and Martin.

"You make your quota?" Walter persisted.

"Don't I always?" Mac rolled his eyes at the dumb question, took a sip of the beer and Walter nodded.

"I need you to keep an eye on those jerk offs," He nodded slightly towards Rosie and the three guys Mac worked with, "They're skimming I think."

"You got it."

"You been skimming?"

Mac shrugged, "Not too much."

"Just watch yourself and watch them, I'm not trying to end up in the red."

Mac took a swig of his beer, "I know that."

"You make me money son, lots of money and I'll make sure you have a good life." He said, "Just keep your shit together."

That was Walter's version of fatherly advise, "Keep your shit together." Sometimes Mac had no doubt about why he was the way he was.

/

"Merry Christmas Luce, did you get my gift?" He said into the phone on Christmas day, no matter what they always spoke on Christmas Day. He had been working a lot and their phone calls weren't as frequent as they had once been. Mac tried to make up for that, with the gifts. Truthfully he was glad to be busy, he was glad Walter was such a taskmaster, then he didn't have to think about things.

"You spent too much, but I love them, how did you know what color to get?" She looked over at the picture of the black and pink helmet with matching riding gloves on her bed and next to it the card and pink roses he had sent her.

"Just a hunch I guess." He said, "I'll just keep them here for you since you ain't riding with anyone but me."

They were silent a minute, the unspoken thing was there between them again. Not with anyone but me.

"Do you like the cologne? I made it." She said finally.

"Yup got complimented on it already."

"From your whore of the week?" Lucy teased.

"Rude" He laughed, "And
no actually... I was talking about my mother. "

He and Sylvia were talking again, they had made some kind of peace and both of them hoped it would last longer than a week. The jury was still out on that one and if Mac was a betting man he would have bet against that. The odds were just bad. They talked for a few more minutes until Shelia called Lucy down for dinner, and Mac had somewhere to be anyway.

/

"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day.
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown.
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way."

/

Mac and Marco had gone out with the sisters Carolina and Esmeralda one night in February, Valentine's Day. They drove out into the canyon in Mac's red truck and Marco wasted no time grabbing a blanket and heading out with Esmeralda. There were no flowers or candy for Carolina, she didn't expect it and Mac wasn't doing it.

These were the girls Lucy hung with sometimes when she was in town, Mac wondered if Lucy knew he'd fucked them both, did girls talk about that stuff? He didn't know, but he didn't want them talking about him to Lucy; had Becky been the one who told Lucy last year. He always wondered why that question came out of thin air. Maybe it was the girl that moved away recently, Bonnie, it was hard to tell, he hadn't fucked her though, she liked girls.

He tried to put it out of his mind for the moment, tried to put her out of his mind.

Mac looked at the girl in front of him, she was pretty enough and he wanted her. Carolina had been the girl he went to after the near miss with Lucy the summer before.

"Come 'er,"He pulled her to him roughly and sat her on the hood of the truck. She smelled like cheap perfume and cigarettes as he ran his lips over her neck and nipped at her skin. Carolina played hard to get and giggled like she was a child. Oh, he hated when girls did that. She scooted and backed up resulting in Mac having to pull her by the legs back against him. They all acted like they didn't really want to fuck you as if that might make you respect them or something.

Girls were fucking hard to figure out. They all played hard to get, then spread their legs anyway.

"Come on Carolina this ain't our first time."

It wasn't even their second time, or third, he had fucked her a lot that year. Mac's hands dug into her straw-like hair and he pulled her head forward till their lips met. He kissed her roughly, taking possession of her mouth and Carolina moaned as his hand slipped into her dress and went right to her breast.

"In a hurry tonight Mac?" She teased.

"Feel what you do to me?" He pressed against her and spread her legs more, she nodded vigorously as his hand slipped up her leg to her panties.

"Is that for me?" Carolina flirted.

"Oh yeah," He grinned, closed his eyes and kissed Carolina again and for a moment in his mind, he wasn't kissing her. His eyes shot open and he looked at her, it was Carolina, it wasn't Lucy. He made sure before he went any further, he'd almost moaned her name out loud.

"Oh L..." Fuck! " Carolina."

"You OK?" She asked, noting that his face was white.

"Just fine," He pulled her underwear down and plunged his fingers inside her while Carolina pulled at his belt buckle. His skillful fingers and lips went to work until she was begging to be fucked. He disliked that about Carolina, she had no problem acting like she didn't want it, but she always did. Why couldn't a girl, any girl be honest about it, why was it always such a mind fuck to get their panties off.

He wasn't there to psychoanalyze her though, nor did he care, he was there to fuck.

Mac ripped a condom package he took from his back pocket with his teeth and slid it on his cock smoothly as Carolina watched. His eyes met hers and he grinned.

"Ready?"

"Uh huh," She answered.

Soon he was inside of her; she pulled his face to hers and her eyes were closed so she didn't know that he hadn't closed his.
The vision of Lucy was forgotten now as he pulled Carolina's legs apart and fucked her good and hard. But he wasn't closing his eyes again just in case, he had just mind fucked himself.

His vision of her was gone as he breathed in Carolina's smell; not coconut and lemongrass, not by a long shot. She didn't smell sweet like Lucy.

/

"Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."

/

When they drove back and dropped the girls off Mac was in a foul mood despite getting laid. Marco lit a cigarette and took a swig of beer, while Mac drove down the dark canyon road. It had been a good night, but Mac was still being nasty and Marco was sick of his piss poor attitude. Walter had told him and Martin to keep an eye on him, make sure he wasn't indulging in too much product, but Mac didn't know that.

It was winter time, the time when he didn't try to hide his drug use, didn't try to keep it under control and Walter, who noticed everything had noticed.

Getting laid was supposed to improve a guys mood, not make it worse, Marco's mood was just fine now. The enigma that sat next to him was confounding for all of them. He possessed the ability to turn off certain parts of him, just like they all did to certain degrees, it was the only way to make it in that town, yet Mac, despite that gift was moody and angry most of the time.

"What's your problem?"

"I ain't got no problem."

Oh, he had a problem alright, a five foot four 125 lb problem in California.

"Missing sweet Lucy? She your real Valentine?"

Mac stopped the truck short right in the middle of the dirt road they were on and turned to Marco with fire in his eyes. Marco was sure he was about to get hit. Anyone who mentioned Lucy usually got hit, that was just a fact.

"The fuck are you talking about?" Mac growled.

"You're a nasty motherfucker, from September to June and I finally figured it out."

"Just shut the fuck up, alright?"

"Its true, you're not as much of a dick in the summertime and the summertime means Lucy."

"You looking for a beat down?" Mac asked, and he was ready to give one, the vision of Lucy had fucked with his mind good and he still wasn't quite over it.

"Maybe it's time for a little recreation?" Marco shrugged, "Ya know, blow off some steam?"

"What do ya call tonight?"

"Not recreation that I prefer."

"You know," Mac started driving again, "You need to slow your roll, or there's gonna be cops all over this place."

He looked over at Marco. Marco didn't look away or back down. That was how you lived here, even if you knew you were beat, you never showed it, you never backed down.

"Too many and someone's gonna come asking questions. Are you dumb or what?"

"At least I don't want to fuck my cousin," Marco replied under his breath and he was not sure if Mac had heard him or not.

"Yeah like you wouldn't lay the pipes to your sister if she'd let you, don't blame you on that one, she's fuckin hot."

"Fuck you, man that's just gross."

"True story," Mac replied, " Even I would fuck your sister."

"She wouldn't touch your dick with someone else's hand," Marco said, lighting a cigarette.

"Next time she's home from College..."

"Shut the fuck up Mac."

"Then you shut the fuck up or I'm gonna give your little sister a ride she won't soon forget."

The song is "Time" by Pink Floyd one of my all-time favorites.