Bucky's POV

It had been three months since the attack in Amsterdam. The fugitive Avengers and T'Challa had yet to find anything on Natasha. Sam, Steve, and Clint were working day and night, desperate to find answers for their friend. They had only gotten two leads so far and one was already a dead end. Sam and Steve split the time between looking for Natasha and doing missions they received from T'Challa. Clint always stayed behind to be with his family and to continue the search in case anything came up. Wanda had left to live in Scotland and would occasionally check in to see if there was more news. Laura attempted to distract the kids from the investigation, telling them not to worry about their aunt. But not even she could shield them from the dark circles on the avengers' faces from the numerous all-nighters the pulled.

Bucky mostly stayed in his room. He would come out to eat everyday and would play with the Barton kids every once in a while but would always retreat back to his quarters. Steve would often visit him when he wasn't on missions, and they would talk for hours, but his visits were becoming more infrequent. The search for Natasha usually took up most of his time now and days. Bucky had yet to tell him about his connection to her from HYDRA and the Red Room. It never seemed like a good time to do it. He often considered that his knowledge of her habits might help with the investigation, but he stayed quiet. Natasha was still special to him. Or when he knew her back then, Natalia.

*Flashback*

James listened to the light breaths Natalia took as she was sleeping. She was wrapped in his embrace, snuggled close to his chest. As much as he liked seeing her so calm and innocent, he needed to wake her soon. She was pregnant with his baby, and the graduation ceremony was tomorrow. They needed to leave before sunrise to make sure it didn't happen. The Red Room would not only kill the baby, they would punish them both for it. He couldn't let that happen. They were leaving, forever, to start a family far away. The goal was to get to America and live there for the rest of their days. They had already chosen names for the baby. If it was a boy, his name would be Dmitri. If it was a girl, her name would be Rose. He had a feeling that it would be a girl. The thoughts of a family consumed his mind, distracting James from the soft patter of footsteps getting closer and closer to the room until it was too late.

Agents burst into the room, causing the two to bolt up in surprise. James still had Natalia in his arms. Her eyes shone with fear at the events that were to follow. An agent reached to grab her. James struck him with his metal arm, killing him. More people filed in as the assassins struggled to fight them all off. A woman pointed her gun at Natalia. James pushed her out of the way and felt a sharp prick in his neck. He became disoriented after a few seconds struggling to keep his balance.

{James! James!} Natalia cried fearfully.

His eyes focused on her desperately clinging onto him as the agents attempted to pry her off. One of them stuck her neck with a needle, causing her body to go limp. They dragged her out of the room.

{NOOO!} James screamed. He tried to push the people away, but was quickly pinned down. He thrashed and protested against the agents. Then there was darkness.

*End of Flashback*

Today was the day. He couldn't put it off any longer. Steve needed to know. He'd already waited long enough. Bucky was going to tell him about Natalia. About the Red Room. About HYDRA. Everything. He didn't know how, but he was.

Bucky got out of bed and quickly got ready. He threw on some black shorts and a t-shirt and gathered his hair into a low ponytail. He promptly left his room once he was done and began to make his way to the communal kitchen on the floor. The rest of the Avengers were most likely already there eating breakfast, so it would be a perfect time to talk to Steve afterwards. His room wasn't that far from the kitchen, giving him less time to think the situation over. Butterflies began to flood his stomach and thoughts raced through his head. What if Steve doesn't take it well? He might get mad. No he will get mad. What about when he has to tell the others? Clint's like her brother. There's no telling how he'll take it. Will they be able to look at me the same? It got worse when he entered the kitchen area, knowing that it was gonna be now or never.

The rest of his friends were oblivious to his current predicament and were engrossed in their own lives. Sam, Steve, Clint, and Laura were deep into a conversation. From what he could hear, they were discussing ideas on farms. Clint and Laura have a farm. Maybe they're trying to go back. The kids were eating their food at the smaller table while making faces at Nathaniel, trying to make him laugh. Lila seemed to be the one who was succeeding. Bucky quietly walked up to the table. Sam noticed him trying to be sneaky and quickly announced his presence.

"Look who decided to join us for breakfast! It's the unsocial butterfly himself, Bucky Barnes!" Sam said enthusiastically.

Laura laughed. She turned around and told Bucky good morning. He pulled out the seat that was next to her and Clint. Sam and Steve sat across from them on the other side of the table.

"Hey man," Clint said. His voice was muffled because of the pancake that he had stuffed in his mouth.

"Hey."

"Bucky if you want some pancakes, there's some on the counter overthere." Laura cocked her head over to the direction. "Some bacon and eggs too if you want."

"Thank you." He stood up and fixed his plate. He got three pancakes, four strips of bacon, and two large spoonfuls of eggs. It wasn't going to fill him up, but he wanted to wait to see if anyone else wanted any more food before he ate it all.

"You sleep well?" Steve asked him as soon as he sat back down. His plate still had a little bit of pancake left on it that was soon to be eaten.

"Meh. It was okay," Bucky said. He ate a piece of his egg before adding,"I would ask you the same thing, but I think I know the answer to that question."

It was a bit obvious who got more sleep than others. Steve and Clint both had dark circles and bags under their eyes. The shine in Steve's eyes had dulled. The weariness in his voice was evident. Clint's face was definitely a lot paler than it used to be, and it had deeper wrinkles. Sam's face was shallower. The stress and time put in looking for Natasha was showing. Laura, who was usually dealing with kids, had more grey hands than when Bucky first met her. She didn't seem that old to have so many, but he knew that it was the result of worrying over her friends, husband, and children along with her whole life being uprooted. The children, thankfully were well-rested and unburdened from the stress and weight from the investigation. Yes they were worried about their aunt, but it didn't constantly plague their minds 24/7.

"I think we all do." Steve sighed.

A cloud darkened the once light mood. Goddammit Bucky. You just had to ruin it. Imagine them when you tell them. Or Steve. Should I tell them all at once, or just Steve and hope that he tells them while I never come out of my room again when I'm hiding in shame. Since they're all here right now, wouldn't it make more sense to tell them all now. Yes it would, Barnes. Yes it would. Now, how do I go about this.

Thankfully, Sam indirectly helped lead into the conversation. "So, what brings you out of your room, Barnes. Besides the fact there's food because you usually come in afterwards to heat up the leftovers anyway?"

"Can't the man just come to socialize Sam," Laura laughed. "You're always giving him a hard time."

"You got that right," Clint agreed.

"Umm… well I came to tell y'all something," Bucky said nervously. Okay, here it goes. Breathe Barnes, breathe.

"Tell us what?" Steve asked curiously.

"Before I tell you, all of y'all must promise not to get too mad."

"Why would be mad?" asked Laura.

"Just promise me."

They all nodded in agreement.

Bucky took a deep breath before speaking. "It's about Natasha."

The table fell silent. Anytime someone mentioned her, everyone tensed. The team still hadn't found any leads on her. The situation seemed to be hopeless. Natasha wasn't one to just slip up and reveal a clue to her location. If she didn't want to be found they weren't going to find her. Ever.

"What about Natasha?" Clint whispered.

"I know her."

"Well yeah, she was the one that let you and Steve go at the airport. And the redhead you shot in DC," Sam said. He was a little confused on why Bucky was bringing this up at the moment.

"Also the same redhead you shot in Odessa and choke-slammed onto a table in Vienna," Clint added. "Well the Winter Soldier did that."

Clint was the won who found her barely alive at the bottom of a cliff with a pool of blood around her body. She had been like that for hours. SHIELD medical didn't think that she would survive, but she did. And she has the scar to remind her of it. That mission forever traumatized Clint, having his partner almost die on him. It was worse because it was a solo mission and he couldn't have her back. He felt as if he had really failed her.

Bucky's whole body quickly tensed, before the soft touch of Laura's hand allowed him to relax. She looked at him with understanding eyes that were pleading with him to continue on with what he was trying to tell them.

"No, before Odessa. I know her from the Red Room. I trained her."

"Buck that's impossible. You were in cryo-freeze during the time she was at the Red Room except for when you were with the other Winter Soldiers," Steve said in disbelief. "I remember it was in your file. There's no way you could have trained her at that time."

"I trained her years before I met the other Winter Soldiers. Decades before." I knew that this was gonna be difficult.

"Impossible, Nat was born in 1984. You met the Winter Soldiers in 1991, 1992 time frame. That's not even a full decade," Clint said. Or at least, that's what she told SHIELD.

"When did you apparently 'meet' her?" Sam asked.

"1951, she was twenty-three years-old. I was on loan from HYDRA to train her and a few other girls before the one with the top scores in the class graduated."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You telling me that Nat's like an old lady. From 1951. That was born in like the twenties. You're bluffing." Sam said unconvinced. He didn't believe a word Bucky said. It didn't make sense to him. "How come she looks so young?"

"Because-"

"She has a serum," Clint said calmly.

"Yeah, what he said," Bucky

"How do you know?" Steve asked.

"Same reason why I know you and Bucky have a serum. Blood tests. They're mandatory with SHIELD," explained Clint. "As soon as Fury saw it, he had the scientists cover it up to keep her safe. That automatically made him second guess the birth date she gave him. So Bucky's story is actually kinda adding up."

"Why doesn't she remember?" Laura asked.

"They wiped her as punishment."

"Punishment for what?" said Steve.

Please understand. Bucky bowed his head. "Punishment for loving me."

Author's Note: Hey guys, it's been a while. So here's an update. Thanks for reading. Your reviews really keep me going. I'm excited for Ant-Man and the Wasp, Incredibles 2, and Jurassic World 2. Can't wait to cry and shit when Marvel gives us the title for Avengers 4. And can't wait for my Captain Marvel trailer. Anyway, goodnight!