And the good times never last...
/
"I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
Pablo Neruda
/
Sometime during the night, Mac woke up to Lucy frantically reaching for his buckle and zipper, her fingers fumbling and pulling until he was out of his jeans and boxers. He didn't stop her, he just rolled over and let her push herself against him until he was inside her again. This was new to him, he never actually slept next to a girl before, so getting woken up for another go was a bonus and he was happy to make a lady happy.
"I want it hard this time..." She murmured into his ear and Mac felt all the hair on his head stand up, he didn't remember anyone ever being so into him like she was.
She let out a moan of satisfaction when he was finally all the way inside her, and Mac responded in kind with a grunt as he started fucking her hard, the way she asked him to. He rolled over so that she was on top of him and she looked down at him, moving her hips against his without missing a beat.
"That's it, baby, fuck me, fuck me," He groaned, bringing his hands up to her hips and watching her breasts move with every thrust of her hips, she was a glorious sight. The moon was right behind her and it cast her in an angelic glow that he would always remember after that night. She was different, he knew she would be.
"I'm gonna," She panted, "I'm gonna fuck you good."
Her hair hung in his face as she went at him with everything she had and he was losing it fast. If he didn't roll them back over and take some control back it was going to be all over with and he wasn't done with her yet.
"Lucy, oh fuck," He groaned as she pulled him up and wound her legs around his waist. For a moment in time, they were face to face, eye to eye, not moving and something passed between them, some kind of emotion, a connection that he had never felt before.
Mac rolled them both over and lifted her legs up, holding her by the thighs and slowed down, he stared into her eyes looking for that feeling again that came and went so fast. But it was gone.
His grip never loosened and his fingers dug into the flesh of her thigh as he fucked her nice and slow. Lucy felt it swirling inside of her again, it wouldn't take much, she was almost there again.
Mac watched as the red flush rose over her chest and he knew she was close again. Just a little help was all she needed, and he reached down between them.
"Come on," He pulled out of her and then pushed in hard, working his fingers over her clit, "Cum all over my dick baby."
His dirty mouth made her weak for him and she kept eye contact with him, with those eyes as his words pulled her over the edge into the abyss again.
"Oh fuck yes! Mac fuck yes!" She cried as sweat dripped down over their bodies, and she pulled him down on top of her and held him tight.
He could feel her body pulsating around his dick; that was the going to be the end of it, and he groaned with pleasure. Just before he lost it completely he pulled out and took her hand and before she knew it she was on her stomach. Lucy felt his tight grip on her hips as he pulled her back on his cock and her head hit the pillows they had laid on the ground.
It was so deep, so fucking deep.
There was no way he could stop it again, he pulled out fast and came with a roar all over her heart shaped ass as everything went white behind his eyes. Somehow he found himself lying next to her when it was over and she was trembling again and so was he. This time he wasn't surprised; it was the effect they had on each other.
"Oh my God, You're fucking amazing," He moaned as he pulled her close, wrapped the blanket around them, and she let out a soft sigh of contentment. Mac lay a sweet kiss on the side of her head and she wrapped her arms and legs around him.
"No you are," She murmured softly.
/
Mac woke up in the morning as the sun was coming up, Lucy was still asleep on her stomach and he walked a few feet away and lit a cigarette. As he inhaled deeply he looked out over the canyon bathed in the red of the sunrise and back at sleeping Lucy. Both things filled him with so much pleasure in that moment and he actually felt good. It was a rare feeling and he wanted it to last but he knew it wouldn't, it never did.
There was none of the guilt now that he had been so sure would stay with him forever over her. All of this time he had been denying something so good from himself, it seemed so silly now. They hadn't used protection though, he was well aware of that, also a first for him. Also, it was a huge mistake and he couldn't believe he had done it. It would never happen again.
Mac walked past where she lay sleeping and realized that this wasn't going to be easy, this thing with her. Already he was worried about not using a condom and her being back in LA soon. So much was running through his head now.
But he realized something else too, now he had something to lose, and she could be used against him.
He didn't trust anyone he associated with and he knew that things had to stay the same like they decided. They would have to keep it quiet and outright deny it if they had to, he could never publicly call her his own.
For the first time ever he wanted to say someone was his girl and he couldn't, that was the fucked up paradox that was his life.
He sat down on a log by the shed, leaned back and watched her sleep for a long time that morning. He felt even more protective of her now and she drew him closer just by existing; it was the first time he had fucked someone and didn't leave right afterward.
As he smoked the cigarette and looked at her as she slept, he wanted to lay back down and pull her close to him, just to hold her. He wanted to watch her cum again, she was so beautiful when she came. His mind was a vast wasteland of unfamiliar thoughts as he sat there smoking contemplating things, life.
"You're dangerous to me," He whispered, "I guess I'm dangerous to you too."
/
Lucy looked in the mirror at herself as she brushed her hair the next morning, he had left bruises on her arms and legs and marks all over her chest. He liked to use his mouth and he liked to bite but made sure they were in places no one could see. It made her wonder about him, about the other girls and what he did with them.
Was he like that with everyone, the way he was with her, the passion. Was he all over their bodies with his mouth and did he leave marks all over them too? Lucy wanted that for herself, she didn't want anyone else to get that incredible passion he had inside of him.
It wasn't something she wanted to think about and she pushed it from her mind, if they were going to do this she would have to stop her mind from going there. She had agreed to this, just as it was and it was logical to her mind, they couldn't tell and they couldn't change the way they lived their lives.
He walked up behind her in the mirror and startled her; Mac put his arms around her pulling her back against him and she laid her head on his shoulder.
"I got carried away," He said and kissed her neck, "But I like seeing my marks on you."
"I know."
"When's your period due? I came inside you the first time." He asked.
"In a week, we're OK."
"You call me as soon as you get it, I'm not trying to make any babies." And then he walked out without another word.
/
She was a week late as it turned out, just long enough for the both of them to be sweating it out. Lucy told him she'd take care of it if she was pregnant whatever that meant. He didn't ask, and obviously to him, it would be both their problem, they would take care of it together.
But until they knew for sure Mac was ambivalent and too mad at himself to even talk to her. It was on him in his mind, he had already fucked this up because he couldn't control himself...
During this time it occurred to her that she was all alone, her friends all knew who Mac was, she couldn't tell. How was she supposed to love someone she could never talk about to her friends? How could they ever have a real relationship?
Lucy wasn't one to air her business to the world, but that was something you shared with your girlfriends. Having sex for the first time, or a pregnancy scare was girl news and she never felt so miserable in her whole life. Mac had dropped off the planet and hadn't called or texted for three days since she told him she was late.
Finally, when she was five days late and going out of her mind she made up a name, said it was one of Mac's friends and confessed to Carla and Melody who assured her you couldn't get pregnant the first time you had sex. Lucy wasn't so sure of that but thankfully didn't have to worry because in the middle of the night between day seven and day eight she started to bleed.
She texted Mac immediately.
~ I got it.
He texted her back right away, which told her all she needed to know. He had his phone the whole time and just chose not to communicate with her.
~Thank Fuck
~Thanks for dipping out on me.
Her phone rang then and she looked at it for a minute, deciding if she even wanted to answer it. She didn't, now after days of longing to speak to him he was the last person she wanted to talk to. Finally, she answered after he called eleven times in a row making it clear he wouldn't stop until she answered.
"Wasn't dipping out on you." He said before she even said hello.
"Well, now I'm dipping out on you. It's over."
"The fuck it is, this ain't over till I say it's over." He yelled, too loudly back at her.
"How could you leave me with no one to talk to during this? It was fucking mean and ..." He had never been mean to her before and it hurt so damn much.
"I couldn't stop thinking about what we would tell your mother, we, do you get that Lucy, we. We would tell your mother together. We would handle it together," He hissed, " We would deal with the shitstorm. We. Us. You don't fucking understand Luce, I'm supposed to be looking out for you, not making things worse and I never intended to leave you alone if .."
"Aren't we past that yet, come on Mac.."
"I was never gonna touch you ever..." He screamed.
"Well, you did!" She screamed and then said calmly, " And then you let me down, I need to think about it." She persisted.
"Fuck that."
"Fuck you..."
"You wanna don't you? And I know it, so stop pretending you don't want this dick." He raged, "I gave you the chance to think about it and you didn't want to think it over. You wanted it, the whole shit show. You wanted this fuckery we got now, you remember that, Lucy. I'm coming there. Don't make any plans we're going to a hotel."
"I just told you I have my period, asshole."
"I don't give a fuck. I'll eat that pussy till you're screaming bloody murder," He groaned into the phone, "I'll call you when I'm there."
"I won't be here. "
"You fuckin better be."
Then she hung up and shut off her phone, Mac was left staring at the phone in his hand; no girl ever hung up on him, not that he called any much to talk like he called Lucy. He called back and she didn't answer and he couldn't believe the set of balls she had.
/
AN: You CAN get pregnant anytime you have sex, even the first time, even if he pulls out, even if you stand on your head afterward. You can get pregnant every time you have sex, use condoms.