In this chapter and previous ones I think too Mac and Lucy speak Spanish to each other, it seems strange perhaps, but this would be the way they would speak to each other in his culture. He would be bilingual and speak Spanish with his father and Lucy would know some Spanish, and speak it with Mac. There are more notes at the end about how they would speak to each other as lovers when no one was around in the Mexican culture. Also once again I have inserted one of my favorite bands (Sublime) into a story, and the same song LOL. It's "Waiting for my Ruca" and it's soooo good.
/
"She said "I'm fine, I'm okay" cover up your trembling hands.
There's indecision when you know you ain't got nothing left
When the good times never stay.
And the cheap thrills always seem to fade away (when will we fall)
When will we fall (when will we fall down)."
Fall Down by Toad the Wet Sprocket
/
When Mac got back the next week was filled with so much bullshit he almost regretted going away, almost. In the end, the trip had been worth it because they talked a lot of things out and he had the opportunity to tell Jenny about her. It had been freeing somehow to tell another person that he loved Lucy. He hoped Jenny was okay, he hoped that she was as smart as she thought she was and wouldn't come across the wrong person one day.
He and Lucy discussed him coming to visit her again, maybe in a few months and he knew seeing her was worth the trouble, but damn everybody was nasty and fucking up left and right while he was gone. He was in charge of Walter's shit for a reason he supposed.
It was as if no one did shit when he was gone, Walter was on a rampage from the minute he got back and the five of them were holed up in the cave for days, finishing up and getting on each other's nerves. They made so many batches of Walter's special, and no one saw the light of day until it was finished.
It almost went down really bad on day three when Martin lit a cigarette and hummed "Waiting for my Ruca" by Sublime as he worked side by side in the cave with Mac. They were weighing and bagging up product and Walter was off to the side arguing with someone on his cell phone.
"Cause she's my Ruca..." Martin continued to sing, and when Marco walked by with more baggies he joined in too. "I'm barely waiting for my heina..." Everyone knew who the Ruca was, it was the biggest kept secret that everyone knew about.
"Shut the fuck up will ya!" Mac growled when he had enough of their crap.
"That girl owns you man," Marco said just to be a dick, "What's she got between her legs that no one else has?"
Mac ignored this bullshit. "I wouldn't know now would I?"
"We all know that's where you lit out to for three days like your ass was on fire, even if you won't admit it," Marco replied.
"Yeah," Martin joined in, "You two have a lovers quarrel?"
"Just shut the fuck up before I shut you up," Mac growled and effectively shut them down in fear, they knew how far to push and this was far enough. Marco remembered Mac's threat against his sister Maria, and he knew Mac would do it and it wouldn't be nice. He backed down right away anytime they got into it ever since Mac made that threat.
"They're right," Walter said from the corner after he finished his phone call, "A woman will make you weak."
Mac huffed, this usual machismo from his father was no surprise really, and he was guilty of it too, but he didn't want this conversation. He would have liked it two years ago; where the fuck was Walter and his advise then? Maybe this would have never happened with Lucy if Walter had been the kind of father he could ask about what was right and wrong.
"Yeah well she ain't here now, is she?" Mac yelled across the cave and lit a cigarette, "So you ain't got nothing to worry about."
"What do you think she'd say if she knew who you really are?" Martin continued.
"She ain't ever gonna know."
"I hope no one tells her..." Martin lit a cigarette and leaned against the work table, then decided to change songs, "Dream of Cali-fornication..." Martin sung in a low voice and Mac glared at him again.
"Enough!" Walter yelled, "Get this done."
They continued working side by side as Walter gave instructions and no one was talking or singing. After they loaded up the bundles of white powder into their respective vehicles Marco sidled up to Mac by his truck as he smoked a cigarette.
"So you like getting led around by your dick then?" Martin said under his breath and Mac was about to move towards him when he heard a shrill whistle, and then his father's voice.
"Mac," Walter called him to the cave entrance and led him back inside.
"What?"
"Enough, this took way to long to finish, and the next time you take off without notice to go get laid, I'm taking half your cut."
"We ain't like that."
"Sure, whatever," Walter smirked, "Half."
Mac nodded, "Ain't changing nothing."
"Does she know?"
"About the family business? Yeah, she knows."
"And?"
"She isn't gonna tell anyone."
"She know you're using?"
"Probably," Mac nodded, "You got a problem with it?"
"Son, she's your weakness, your Achilles heel; has been since the day she was born." Walter said, " But that's your fucking problem, I have no problem unless you give me a problem, you understand? Because then, I will give you a problem and you won't like it."
/
"My reflection, dirty mirror,
There's no connection to myself.
I'm your lover, I'm your zero,
I'm the face in your dreams of glass.
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em.
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?"
Zero by The Smashing Pumpkins
/
Mac snorted the white powder off the side of his thumb, sucked the residue off, then stared at himself in the reflection of the men's room mirror as the music blared on a Saturday night. He looked like hell in his opinion, but this was his lucky night because there were out of towners there. He had his sights set on one, it was just a matter of turning on the charm and getting her to leave with him. Sometimes he did that if the conditions were right, tonight they were ideal.
He and Lucy were fighting again and it was almost Halloween, they would have eight more months before she was back for the summer and he wasn't sure how long he could take it. If he thought he worried about her before they were intimate, that was nothing compared to the way he worried about her now.
Mac was not the kind of guy that ever had anything good in his life, and he wanted to protect her.
He worried about her well being obsessively sometimes, afraid somehow someone would take her away from him, and he worried she'd run into someone like him. This was another trait he recognized, he knew there was evil in the world, you couldn't be a part of it and not know that. Killers often worried anxiously about the people they loved, if they loved anyone at all, because they knew what could happen to them. They were usually good husbands and good fathers, who worried about their families.
Mac had told her to stay home on Halloween and not go to a party with her friends and she had told him where to go, no big surprise there either. Now he was pissed off and wasted and that always meant trouble for someone. It wouldn't have mattered, tonight a girl was practically dropped in his lap and he was going to take the opportunity with gratitude.
"She's the one for me,
She's all I really need.
Cause she's the one for me.
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness.
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me."
Mac walked back out to the main bar and the girl looked up and smiled at him as he approached her. Her name was Debbie, or Danielle, some D name or something, he didn't even know, didn't care. He slid into the chair at the table they had been sitting at before he excused himself to go piss and put his arm around her. The girl leaned in as he whispered something in her ear then they got up, he put his arm around her and they walked outside.
"Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness.
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms,
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth.
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship.
I never let on that I was down."
Out in the canyon, he started out by fucking her nice on the hood of his truck, although that was never the goal. He had given his favorite knife away to Jenny and had yet to replace it. He would eventually, but this time he wanted to try something different.
He slipped his hands around her throat and squeezed after a while and found it both exhilarating and satisfying. He watched his hands on the girl's neck and felt the pulling in his ball sack that meant he was going to cum hard. He could control it too, how much air to cut off to knock her out, then he could wait for her to come to and do it again. Fuck this would be good, he thought and less clean up too.
At first, the girl didn't understand, but then she knew, she had picked up the wrong stranger for a quick fuck. Her hands batted at his chest and face as he tightened his grip and yanked her body around like a rag doll. Mac was way too strong for her to fight off.
He came hard as she breathed her last breath and was still but he didn't look at her, he looked up at the stars.
"You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more."
He pushed the girl's body off the hood of the truck when he was finally done with her, sat back and lit a cigarette. He was right, prolonging it by choking and letting her come back had been more satisfying than stabbing and he had cum hard too. If there was any cosmic karma out there he knew he was in deep shit. One day karma might decide to bite him in the ass and it was going to hurt. He needed to control himself better, he wondered if he could.
/
"She's the one for me
She's all I really need.
She's the one for me,
She's my one and only."
/
The phone rang and Lucy flopped on her bed as she answered expecting it to be Carla telling her she was on her way. But it wasn't, it was Mac again. It was Halloween and she was about to go out with her friends dressed as Harley Quinn. She had sent Mac a picture and it was unusual for him to be calling her, they had just spoken a few hours ago; he'd bitched about the costume. He didn't want her to wear it but she had told him he could bitch all he wanted but she was going to the party in her costume, case closed.
"Hey," She said into the phone, "You OK?"
"What are you wearing," He growled into the phone, he didn't sound right, he sounded edgy and maybe that was because he was high, but she didn't think so, he was happy when he smoked pot, "You still got that fuckin costume on dontcha?"
"Mac?" She questioned, "Are you wasted?"
"Afraid so, Lucy loo," He laughed as he sat up on the hood of the truck in his driveway, "Read me that poem, the in and out of time one."
Lucy obliged him, and read the entire thing to him. She still couldn't figure out what was different about him, but something was, he was on edge and wound up, not mellow, like when he smoked pot. He sounded angry one minute and sad the next.
"Luce, please be careful tonight." He murmured.
"Of course I will Mac, I'm going with a group, please don't worry."
"I'll always worry about you, that's my job." He sighed, "Do ya gotta wear that outfit?"
"Yes,"
"I wish you wouldn't..."
"You sound like you're my dad not my..." What was he exactly?
"Call me Papi then." He laughed. "No, call me big Papi."
She laughed and then moaned into the phone in her sexiest voice, "Aye big papi give it to me, give it to me good."
Jesus, she was something else, "Ah, me amore, mi corazon , amante secreto." Oh, my love, my heart, my secret lover.
"Oh, I love it when you talk that Spanish shit," She replied, "When are you coming to see me again, I miss you."
"Don't know, mami" He answered, he called her that sometimes when no one was around.
"Next month, promise, or come for Christmas," She said excitedly, "I'll kiss you under the mistletoe."
"In that case, I'll hang it from my belt," He laughed, "Send me a picture of your tits."
"You miss me?"
"Of course I miss you, and I miss that rack," He laughed into the phone, and a few seconds later he got his picture. His eyes went wide and he laughed into the phone, "Thanks, baby."
"I love you, I'll be careful, I promise."
"Luce you're gonna stop loving me when you know what I am," He was suddenly serious and it made her wonder what he was talking about, she knew about the drugs already and he knew she knew. She knew all his shit and loved him anyway, didn't he know that? What the fuck was he smoking tonight?
"Mac," she whispered, "Don't you know by now there isn't anything in the world that can make me stop loving you."
But he knew there was something that would do just that. If she knew what he had done to that girl tonight or the others, Mac knew Lucy would hate him and he would lose her forever. He had to get control of it before it was too late.
Mac didn't want her to go out that night, especially because it was Halloween, but he knew he couldn't control her from so far away; he knew that. But in his mind, that meant he couldn't protect her either.
"You be good tonight Luce, stay with your girlfriends and don't turn your back on your drink, keep it in your hand." Look out for guys like me, "I love you."
/
An: OK, I know I have referred to Lucy as Mac's Ruca and Heina in previous chapters, these are both Mexican words coined by the band Sublime, or at least made popular by them, here are two quick definitions:
The one girl, that you would choose over every other; your true love is your Ruca.
Heina - My woman, queen, highness, above all other women. Slang for fine bitch, main bitch.
Also, a Mexican man would definitely call his woman Mami or Mamma and the women call their men Papi, of course, Mac and Lucy can only do that in secret.