"I want to love you wildly,
I don't want words, but inarticulate cries,
meaningless from the bottom of my most primitive being,
that flow from my belly like honey.
A piercing joy, that leaves me,
empty, conquered, silenced." Anis Nin
/
The song in this chapter is Tusk by Fleetwood Mac, I recommend you listen to it with earphones so you can hear all the moaning Lindsay Buckingham is doing in the background ;)
/
They saw each other six more times before the next summer, each time he would drive out there and they would go to a hotel for the weekend. She had lied to her mother all six times about who she was with and although she didn't like doing that, she had to. Her mother was still asking why Mac drove all the way there in the beginning of the fall and chased her to the mall. Lucy had told her mother that he was chasing parts for the garage and just stopped by to take her to a concert, it was a lame excuse at best and her mother had simply nodded her head.
Lucy wondered if her mother believed her, for the first time in her life she didn't care and she didn't feel guilty. Maybe this would be the thing that separated her and her mother someday, they were very close since her father had passed. But her mother was religious now, more and more she saw a change coming over her mother; she had found god and constantly preached to Lucy about sin.
And Lucy knew all too well that Mac was a big sin.
/
Lucy always looked forward to summer vacation, now things were different though and this year she couldn't wait to see him, but he wasn't home when she and her mother hit town. That was unusual, Mac always stayed home to wait for her and she was hurt, although she couldn't let her mother or aunt see that. They already thought they were too close and if they knew just how close, it would be a shit storm of epic proportions and she wasn't trying to start that.
She was mad that he wasn't there though, hurt and mad, but mostly hurt, as if he was her boyfriend that stood her up. Your boyfriend is the devil, a voice in the back of her mind whispered.
He was going to get a piece of her mind right away for this, in abundance.
After making small talk with her mother and aunt she took off in her mother's car toward Walter's bar, that was the first place she knew to look for him. Mac had told her never to go there alone unless she was sure Walter was there or he was. He had also known she was coming today and he had not been there to welcome her. It was silly but she was pissed, and he could kiss her ass if he thought she wasn't going to find him and tell him off.
She turned up he mother's sixties music as she bumped down the dirt road and out on the highway to where she knew he would be. She would go wherever she pleased and he couldn't stop her. She rolled the window down and let the wind blow in her hair, her mood was lifting but she was still mad.
/
Fleetwood Mac blasted through the speakers, and she could hear it when she pulled up, it was seven pm yet still light out and she saw his red truck there right out front; what a fucking dick he was. She stomped out the cigarette she was smoking under her boot and headed towards the door.
Mac and Martin were sitting at the bar when she walked in and as the door slammed she could feel all eyes on her, except for his. The bar was crowded and smelled like smoke and sweat, the music was blasting and it was filled with strangers. Maybe this had been a bad idea, Walter nodded at her from behind the bar, and she relaxed a little at seeing a familiar face.
Her uncle nodded his head in Mac's direction knowing that was who she was looking for.
*******Why don't you tell me what's going on, why don't you tell me who's on the phone...*****
"Whoa, look at that new piece of gash just walked in," Martin said with a whistle and then Mac turned and laid eyes on her. She was in a short pleated skirt, t-shirt, and boots and although she looked amazing this was not the place he wanted her to dress like that. Then he realized all the men were looking at her and some of the women, he gulped down his whiskey and turned back to Martin with fire in his eyes. Those fucking boots she had on were knee-high, big and clunky and he couldn't wait to have them around his waist, but he knew Martin was thinking the exact same thing and that enraged him.
"That's fucking Lucy, put your eyes back in your head." Mac growled as she came across the room towards him, "You so much as look in her direction it's gonna be the last thing you do."
"Jealous, much," Mac grabbed Martin by the shirt. Lucy was, and always would be off limits, Mac would not share her with any of them. Martin had poked the snake on purpose just to see what would happen, every once in a while he liked to do that, just to see if it was still on with those two. It was.
"You two belong on Jerry Springer." He said as Mac let go of his shirt, pushed him down into his chair and turned to look at her.
"Fuck off will ya? " Mac said without looking back at Martin and flipped him off as he stood up to meet her.
****Why don't you ask him what's going on, why don't you ask him who's the latest on his throne****
As his eyes raked over her and he felt the familiar stirring in his gut that only she gave him; he closed the distance between them in a flash and grabbed her by the arm without saying a word. Lucy opened her mouth to say something, then stopped as he dragged her down the hall and out the back door. Still, without saying a word he pushed her up against the wall and pressed against her, sliding his hands over her ribs and up to her neck where his thumbs landed on her cheeks.
He brought his face close to hers as if he was going to kiss her.
"Told ya not to come here," He growled and she could hear the music bouncing sound off her back as he picked her up so that her legs were around his waist, just like he wanted, "You don't listen good."
"I wasn't sitting around all night waiting for you to show up when you goddamn please," Lucy replied, "You're a fucking prick."
He loved when she mouthed off at him like that, "Shut up Lucy." He grabbed her thighs and his fingers swiped over the boots she wore, they were fuckin A.
"Next time don't make me come looking for you."
"Next time wait till I get home."
Then his mouth crashed onto hers and his tongue invaded her mouth, he tasted like whiskey and cigarettes and she moaned as her mouth was filled up with him, and he groaned loudly, pulling her against him. It had been a long time since they had seen each other and although he was hellfire mad at her, he had to touch her too.
"I don't want all these motherfuckers looking at you," He pushed his hips against her roughly and she moaned again, digging her hands into his hair, "Don't ever come in here dressed like that again, don't ever come here period."
"I wore it for you," She gasped out as he pushed his dick against her and bit at her neck, oh it felt so good, "And you like it, admit it."
"Nobody gets to look at you except me Lucy, you got that," He growled grasping her hips firmly, "You been a good girl all year or what? I could punish you if you weren't," Mac rolled his hips against hers letting her feel what he had to offer, "No one looks at you but me, no one touches you but me. You got a problem with that?" He reached down between them and slid his fingers into her panties; to his delight she was wet.
"No," She whispered, he had changed again, she thought to herself. He was rougher with her and she liked it.
He rolled his hips against her again for effect and watched her eyes get glassy; between his dick pressing against her, the music and his touch Lucy was on sensory overload. Then his hands were on her breasts and he'd pinched her nipples causing her to arch her back and moan loud enough for him to hear it over the music.
"You sure? I'm the black sheep of the family, I'm sure you know," He grinned against the skin of her neck and bit her again as he worked her over good with his fingers.
This was why she chased him down the minute she hit town, she needed what he gave her and what he made her feel, her life lacked emotion and depth, except in the summers with him. She was seventeen now and she knew what she wanted, if he wanted to fuck her right now she'd let him.
*****Don't say that you love me, just tell me that you want me*****
Then his lips touched hers again in one of those dirty kisses that kept her up at night all winter missing him, he threw his entire being into it, from his lips to his body always and now she was addicted. One hand gripped and scratched her arm hard, the other worked on sending her into oblivion; he pushed his fingers inside of her and watched her head fall back against the wood of the building and her eyes closed. Lucy hadn't been expecting this when she walked into the bar, she knew he'd be mad that she came here, but she wasn't expecting this.
"You been a good girl?" He moaned into her ear.
"Yes, of course, I promised you."
"Then stop dressing like a whore, Lucy," He slid his thumb over her clit and gripped her ass with his other hand to hold her up as she started to fall apart, "Tonight I'm going to fuck you till you can't remember who you are and you never forget who I am."
And that was it, the rasp of his voice was all she needed and the wave hit her as she buried her face in his chest and screamed. After she finished trembling in his arms he set her down on the pavement then pushed her to her knees.
"Now suck it," He demanded and loosened his buckle, Lucy did as she was told and was acutely aware that the scales had just tipped in their relationship.
/
He walked her to her car after and leaned against it, lighting his cigarette and handing it to her. They watched the sun go down over the canyon and she couldn't hide the fact that she was happy to be there. Each year drew out longer and longer, even though he sometimes visited her in LA now, she missed him when they weren't together. "Money" by Pink Floyd blared from the bar now as they stood there and Lucy hummed along.
"Don't give me that do goody good bullshit," They both said together, as children they used to laugh and snicker at that line and they still smiled at each other when they said it.
They were silent for a long time and then she spoke.
"I did wear this for you." Lucy looked down at her black skirt and black t-shirt.
Mac smiled, "And I liked it."
"I noticed," She laughed.
"We are so fucked up," He said, looking over the horizon.
"So you keep saying,"
"Well, here's to being fucked up and getting well fucked." He said with a wink.
"I'm not going to sit around all summer waiting for you. I'm telling you right now," She said.
"I got no problem with that, I know you and Carolina are tight, hang with her if ya want. What I do have is a problem with you coming here." He replied, "Do not come here by yourself."
"I figured Walter was here, he always is."
"Don't matter," He took a drag on the cigarette, "There's a lot of new people around now, a lot of new stuff going on and I don't want you here alone."
She nodded, she understood that, "Why weren't you home when I got there, you always are."
"I was on my way, had something to do for Walter, and I couldn't get out of it." He replied, "Didn't think you'd go all postal over it."
"You should know me by now," She laughed and held her hand out for the cigarette, he placed it between her fingers. He couldn't argue with that, she was a ball of fire when she was riled up about something.
"I suppose I should," He laughed as she took a drag of the cigarette and he looked down at her feet at the already dusty boots, "Like your new boots though."
"Yeah, I thought you would." She crossed her foot over her opposite ankle and smiled.
"Really? What exactly are ya sayin Luce," He slid his eyes over to hers.
"It's a roll of the dice if a guy has a shoe thing, figured you did." She replied with a grin.
"You bring other shoes?" He asked casually, but his eyes gave him away, they had turned dark again, the way he looked at her sometimes before he pounced on her and she smiled as he held his hand out for the cigarette.
"Maybe," She turned to him, "You'll have to come home and find out."
"I was just heading that way as a matter of fact,"
Lucy nodded, "I figured."
"You think you know me that well?" He took a drag on the cigarette and blew the smoke up over his head, making smoke rings. Who was he kidding, she did know him that well and she knew how to manipulate and push his buttons.
"I know I do."
"Maybe you do but you need to remember; I'm not a good person Lucy," He looked her dead in the eye, "You should always remember that."
"You're good enough for me."