‡

"Fears are nothing more than a state of mind."

-Napoleon Hill

‡

Chapter Three

‡

Bella

The Volturi were coming—I suddenly felt sick, if that human quality was even possible anymore. Thankfully we had already spoken to Nessie about them the previous night. While at first she had begged us to tell them not to come, she eventually calmed down and agreed to trust us. However, I still didn't think she was ready to face them. But then again, who could truly be ready after they realized what a terrifying coven the Volturi actually was? I knew I had wanted to Volturi to come so I could get it over with, for both my daughter's sake and my own. But now that it was actually happening, I wanted to take Nessie and run as far away as possible. Although naturally I was beyond averse, I was also realistic—we would eventually have to talk with them again; after all, our daughter was a great curiosity. And I would rather Nessie have Jacob next to her to help ease her fears.

I glanced over to Carlisle and Esme, who were talking quietly to each other, their voices so soft that no one could hear them. Carlisle was probably calming down a worried Esme that the Volturi were not here to cause trouble this time. Then I looked at Alice, expecting her to give me a reassuring smile, the smile that gave me strength and confidence. However, her face was completely blank. She looked statuesque as she stared straight ahead, concentrating hard as if she wanted another vision to overtake her consciousness.

I turned to Edward, who was still.

"It's okay, right? They're just here to check up on Renesmee," I said slowly, but with conviction. Edward had told me that was all they wanted to do—and there was no one in this world I trusted more than him. I waited for him to reinforce what he had told me the other day; that everything was going to be alright. However, his expression remained the same, indicating otherwise.

Alice snapped out of her trance and turned to look at me. She saw the panic that had overtaken me and immediately looked away, closing her eyes and shaking her head sadly.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly, my voice filled not just with fear, but pure terror.

"They can't do this," Edward suddenly snapped, his voice low and threatening.

"What's going on?" I repeated, much more forcefully now. I stepped in front of Edward, breaking his trance so he would be forced to answer me.

Edward looked up at me, his eyes suddenly deadly, matching his tone of voice. "Get Nessie."

"Why? What's wrong with Nessie?" I yelled, panicking, looking around the room at everyone else who seemed just as confused.

"Carlisle," Edward said, standing up and turning to our father. "They want to do it. Permanently."

"No," Esme cried softly. Her firm stance loosened and she looked as if she was going to fall over before she grabbed Carlisle's arm for support.

"They want to..." Carlisle said, choking on the words. His eyes filled with fear, something foreign on the face of the man who seemed to have everything under control.

"I'll get her," Jasper suddenly whispered, hastily striding to the door to find his niece.

"No, Jasper!" Alice ordered, causing him to stop in her tracks. "Leave her outside. There might be another vision coming—if she's near me I won't be able to see it."

"Tell me what's happening!" I shrieked, my voice echoing through the enormous house. I listened to the unvarying repetition, each one allowing me to hear for myself how much pain I was currently in even before I fully understood.

"Bella, they're..." Edward stopped, either unable or unwilling to go on.

"Bella, they want to change Nessie," Carlisle said quietly as he looked at me with eyes filled with pain at having to tell me this news, news I still didn't understand.

"Change her?" I asked. However, the second the words were released from my own mouth, I understood—but I refused to accept it as true. I stayed steady, relaxed, staring at my family. I struggled with myself, trying not to confirm my worst fears, although all the confirmations were painfully obvious.

Rosalie gasped, staring at Carlisle with eyes that begged him to take back everything he had just said, to tell everyone that it was all a joke. However, like everyone else, he just looked away and closed his eyes.

"They want to change her into a..." Emmett asked, his deep voice filled with grief. He gently placed a comforting hand on Rosalie's shoulder before she turned around and buried her face into his chest.

I suddenly started falling to the ground, and though it seemed to be in slow motion, I was unable to stop myself. Right before I hit the floor, Emmett and Carlisle caught me, holding both of my arms to ease me back to my feet.

It wasn't that we would lose Nessie if she was changed—she would be the same sweet girl we all knew and loved. Her mind would continue to grow at the rate it was now. She would mature mentally and emotionally—just like the rest of us. But also like the rest of us, she would fail to mature physically. And while it was okay for us to be trapped in young adult bodies, bodies that would allow us to live on our own, go to high school, rent a hotel room, the body of a ten year old would be not be something someone would want to be in for the rest of his or her life. If anything ever happened to any of us, there would be no option to try to reside in a town of people unless she found another vampire family to live with. She could never go off on her own because no human in his or her right mind would believe that she was an adult—the lack of senescence of the lives we lived would be an enormous hindrance she would never be able to overcome.

Not to mention the pain. The agony from my transformation was still felt fresh in my mind.

"Where are they?" I whispered, breaking away from Edward a little bit so I could turn to Alice. "You said they were here."

"They're almost here," Alice said quietly.

"We have to get out of here," I said urgently, panic permeating my voice.

Edward gently grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into his pain-filled eyes. "Bella, listen to me. There's no where we can go. They'll find us."

"Edward we have to leave!" I shouted, breaking away from his grasp to turn away from him. I didn't deserve to be comforted—I had put my little girl in danger. I had told her to trust us; now what was I going to tell her? Not only were the Volturi coming back to check on her, she was now going to have to go through the incredibly painful transformation of becoming pure vampire.

Edward reached out and pulled me back to him, unwilling to let me go. He buried his face in my hair, stroking the back of my head. "It's going to be okay. I won't let them change her. I won't let them."

We were all silent for a minute, holding each other in our grief.

"They're coming to the door," Edward eventually said, tightening his grip on me; I closed my eyes, wishing he would take his wife and daughter and run away as fast as possible.

"I'll greet them. Everyone stay here," I heard Carlisle order softly.

I listened to the sound of his footsteps, usually light but now extremely heavy as he went to complete a simple task that would forever change our lives. I kept my eyes closed tightly, not wanting to see the man who had been like a father to me open the door to my worst nightmare.

The footsteps suddenly stopped, even though I knew he had not walked far enough to reach the door. He stood still for a moment in the eerily silent room. Hope suddenly filled me—maybe he had decided that we might have a better chance if we tried to escape.

"Edward, hold on to her," I heard him finally say, and I knew that he was referring to me. He was afraid that I was going to attack the Volturi when they came in. I guess Carlisle knew me extremely well, for that was exactly what I had been thinking of doing. He then continued his daunting task of letting our greatest enemy into our home.

"Hello," I heard a deep, enchanting voice say. I shuddered as I recognized it as Caius'. His was the voice that I had heard many times trying to convince Aro to kill vampires that broke their sadistic rules. I remembered it like it was happening in front of me all over again. Clinging tighter to Edward, for first time in my life wished I wasn't a vampire; humans never had such vivid memories of the terrors of their past.

"Hello. Please come in." Although Carlisle had somehow made his voice relaxed and welcoming, I could still hear a hint of threatening hatred in it. I wished he would use that hatred to demand the Volturi leave his innocent family alone, but I knew he would not—he was too brave for that. Cowards like me would tell them to leave; people like Carlisle faced the things they feared head on.

Keeping my eyes closed, I tuned into my other senses even more, hoping they would distract me from doing what my motherly instincts were begging me to do. I listened to the sound of multiple footsteps entering the room, using my impeccable hearing to realize that a total of eight had come for this visit. As I inhaled the smell in the room, another memory flooded back to me, a memory of the last time they were here. Fear and hate instantly filled me. We were protected back then, backed by many allied covens that were determined to stand next to us and defend Renesmee. Now we were alone, in the scariest sense of the word I had ever felt. The same fear washed over me, the same determination to stop them, though this time her life was not in danger. I supposed that as a mother, it didn't matter what someone was planning on doing to your child—if they were going to hurt him or her in any way, you would use all your strength and power to stop them.

I suddenly felt Edward's hand on my arm. I turned my body and slowly opened my eyes, obeying his silent request. He did not want me to show fear. We needed to stand strong as we defended our only child for the second time.

I looked upon the faces of the coven before me, just as terrifying as ever. Their blood red eyes were gleaming, satisfied that they were here once again. They reminded me of the dream Nessie had—they were standing together, their dark black cloaks accurately portraying the evil that surrounded them. Caius and Marcus were in the front followed by Jane, Alec, and Demitri. In the very back stood Aro, with two other vampires I did not recognize—one with a black cloak on and one without. They all moved forward as one, not in a threatening way, but as a form of unity. The expression on Aro's face made me sick; it was pleasant and peaceful, as if this visit was just to catch up with old friends.

Tearing my eyes away from the Volturi, I kept them in the corner of my vision to look at my family. They were standing next to Edward and me, forming a solid, straight line. I knew this was a symbol to remind the Volturi that we were going to stand together once again. Esme slowly walked forward to he place next to Carlisle, who was still in front of us, a barrier between us and our enemy.

Suddenly, I heard the back door slam shut followed by a menacing growl. I quickly looked behind me to see Jacob in his wolf form, his body bent in attacking position as he prepared to kill anyone who tried to hurt Renesmee. She stood behind him, a look of pure terror on her face as she realized that her worst nightmare was literally here.

"Jacob, please take Nessie outside," Carlisle ordered softly.

Jake let out another guttural sound before turning around to usher Nessie out the door. However, she stood still, taking her gaze off the Volturi to look at Edward and me. Though it was no longer beating, I felt my heart break into a thousand pieces as I looked into her terrified brown eyes. Her intuitive nature had betrayed her just as we had; she knew something was wrong.

I begin to pull away from Edward so I could take Nessie in my arms. Edward grabbed my hand, pulling me back. I looked up at him questioningly, wondering why he was restraining me.

"Carlisle is telling us to stay," he whispered softly, making sure no one else could hear.

I nodded in reluctant agreement as Edward once again secured his hand around my waist.

Carlisle gently touched Esme's arm, indicating for her to stay where she was. Everyone watched as he slowly walked over to his granddaughter. Although we would be able to hear him, he bent down to whisper in her ear. He knew it would calm her down if she believed the entire room was not going to know what he was going to say. "Renesmee, please wait outside with Jacob. Everything is going to be alright. We'll come out to get you in a little while."

Nessie nodded slowly before throwing her arms around Carlisle, stifling a sob. He held her close, once again whispering to her that everything was going to be okay. And I knew it wasn't a lie or a way to make her feel better; just like Edward and me, Carlisle wasn't going to stop until everything was back to normal.

Carlisle then turned to Jacob. "Just take her out, away from this."

Jake grunted his agreement before he and Nessie reluctantly left the room to go back outside.

"She didn't have to leave, you know. After all, this involves her," Caius said through gritted teeth, furious that we had sent her away. I knew that he was longing to see the painful look on her face when they told her that they were going to change her. He was a masochistic creature and for that I wanted to rip him into a thousand pieces.

Carlisle walked back to Esme, taking her hand once more. "We would all feel more comfortable if Renesmee was not in the room right now, if that's alright with you."

"It is perfectly alright, my friend," Aro agreed, speaking for the first time since their arrival. I figured he would move to the front, which was his normal authoritative position in his clan. However, he stayed where he was, seemingly content with being in the background.

"Shall I tell them the reason for our visit?" Caius asked, keeping his gaze on us while talking to Aro.

Aro shook his head, parting his lips in disapproval. "Now, now, Caius, let's not forget they have a mind reader and a future teller in their clan. I'm sure they are well aware of our desire."

"You can't do this," Edward said boldly, trying to hide the fear that I knew he was feeling. He gripped my hand tighter as all of his muscles tensed.

A small smile once again appeared on Aro's face as his eyes twinkled with a sick form of amusement. "Ah, but we can."

"Why don't you drop your new shield so that I can hear what you're really thinking?" Edward suggested, his voice now a terrifying snarl.

Although I hadn't thought I could become anymore terrified, I felt an additional surge of fear rise through me. Edward was not able to read Aro's thoughts because of one of the two men who were next to him was a shield like me. He was hiding something.

I looked at the one on Aro's right, the one with the black cloak on. He looked very much in place with the coven as he stared at his, his eyes blood red and menacing. I then looked at the one on the left, the one without the cloak; apparently, he was not a part of the Volturi coven. He was looking at the ground, apparently very uncomfortable with being here. Maybe he felt a hint of remorse, unlike the other heartless monsters that stood before me. I studied him even closer, realizing he looked somewhat familiar, but unable to figure out who he was.

I glanced back at Aro; the smile on his face did not diminish after the public announcement of the shield blocking his thoughts. Ignoring Edward, he turned back to Carlisle. "Maybe you should learn to control your coven."

"May I remind you that Renesmee is Edward's daughter," Carlisle responded. "It is natural that he would be defensive." As always, his voice remained steady and calm.

I remembered this, the familiar battle of words between our covens; it had happened the last time we interacted with them. They wanted us to get violent, in order for them to have a justifiable reason to punish us. But Carlisle was not going to let that happen. I felt a wave of tranquility wash through me, and I turned to look at Jasper. Edward relaxed his tight grip as he took a deep breath, trying to get the full effect of Jasper's assistance. I knew Edward realized what would happen if he suddenly turned attacked; all of our chances of negotiating would be gone.

"Yes, yes I do realize this, my friend. And what a beautiful little family they make." Aro turned his gaze to me, only for a second, and then looked back at Carlisle. "That little girl of yours has grown a lot since we last saw her..." he paused, thinking. "...one year ago?"

Carlisle nodded. I wished I could see his eyes, in order to see if they were at all threatening, despite how calm he appeared to be. "Yes, it was almost one year ago. And if I remember correctly, you concluded that my granddaughter was of no threat to the secret of our world."

"And let me assure you, we were sincere when we came to that conclusion. However, after deliberating, we have decided that she cannot live in both worlds. It is unnatural. And since there is no way for her to be changed to human, the logical answer is for her to be changed into one of us."

Carlisle nodded once more, as if he wanted Aro to know that he understood his perspective, but wanted him to consider a different approach. "With all due respect, doesn't that seem a little hypocritical? What about everything you've said about immortal children?"

"That very concern was brought up many times in our deliberations. We are confident that the child's mind will continue to mature, though her body will remain the same. With the dangers our kind face of being found out, we cannot have her living like this, half of one world, half of another. She needs to be changed, for the good of our world."

Carlise paused. "What about the others? There was another half breed, one that Alice and Jaspet found in South Africa. Will he be changed as well?"

"It's already done, my friend. In fact, he is here with us now. I trust you remember Nahuel." Aro moved to the side slightly, in order to bring the man behind him into full view.

I stifled a gasp, now understanding why the man in the back looked familiar yet unfamiliar. He was the half-breed that Alice and Jasper had gone to find, to prove that half-vampires, half-humans were not a threat to the vampire world. Even though Aro was now addressing him, he kept his gaze down.

My father of sorts took a moment to study Nahuel. The room stayed completely silent before he took a deep breath and continued his seemingly hopeless negotiations. "Aro, listen to yourself. You want to change a ten-year-old half-breed into a full vampire. She is going to be trapped in her ten-year-old body forever. Do you truly want to do that?"

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, there is nothing I can do. The decision has already been made, for the good of all of us. She must become one of us."

"No!" I suddenly screamed, trying to break away from Edward, who had instantly wrapped both of his arms around my waist the second he heard my cry. "You can't change her! Please! You cannot change her!" I struggled against Edward's tight grasp, lunging myself forward to try to break free.

"There has to be another way," Edward spoke sharply, and I knew that in a minute, I was not the only one who was going to need restrained. I stopped struggling against him, once again wrapping my arms around him. As we held each other close, I felt the feeling of a vampire's form of crying come forth, something that hadn't happened in a long time; in the past three years, there had truly been nothing to cry about.

"There is one other way," Aro noted quietly.

I shot my head up, pulling away from Edward to look at Aro. "What did you say?" I asked, certain that I had heard him wrong; the Volturi weren't ones to give options.

Aro smiled, as always, seemingly amused by our pain. "I said there is one more way."

"What is it, Aro?" Carlisle demanded.

"Before I go into details, I have a little story to tell all of you about Nahuel. I trust that you remember the tale he told you a year ago—how his mother was a human and his father was a vampire, which is the reason he is, or rather was, a half-breed. And I hope you remember the saddest part of the story, when he told you that his mother died and he was left to be taken care of by her sister, his aunt. As you all know, she was very concerned with how quickly he was growing.

What you are unaware of is, after seeing how fast he was growing, his aunt began trying to develop a..." he paused, thinking. "...medicine, if you will. It was meant to stop him from growing as quickly as he was. She was scared for the life of her nephew, the last remaining piece of her beloved sister. After years of hard work, she was finally successful. He drank it once and it instantly slowed down the growing process until it was almost equal to that of a human. He aged slowly then, though it didn't matter much; by that time, it was almost time for him to stop growing completely.

Now to the point of my little story: we have the medicine here." He reached out his hand in a malicious manner, and Nahuel reluctantly placed a small bottle into it. Aro began studying the outside of it, turning it around as he examined it. " We can wait for Nessie to be changed into a vampire, if you wish."

"But what does that solve? She could take the medicine, but she would still be living as a half-breed," Carlisle asked, his voice now calm again as he tried to figure out where Aro was going with this.

"Patience, Carlisle," Aro continued. "Not only will she take the medicine, but she will also forget everything about her life in the vampire world. She will be raised human."

"And how will she forget everything she has ever known?" Esme asked quietly, her small, sweet voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sure you've noticed, we have a new member of our coven. The one who you do not recognize is Matthew, the shield and hypnotist of our group. As you can imagine, he is extremely useful when we hunt. Matthew can easily gather as many humans as we wish. His powers also work on vampires, but it is limited. They have to be willing to be hypnotized in order for it to work. Once they agree, he can make them do or think anything."

As the entire plan unfolded, all of my emotions drained from me due to the stress of the situation. I began thinking about what life would be like if we went through with it. What would it be like to have a daughter who couldn't remember anything about the first part of her life? What would it be like to have a child who lived like I had, unaware of the fact that vampires and werewolves walked the earth? What would it be like for Renesmee to grew up thinking she was normal, when the truth was she was as far from normal as possible?

"So you want Renesmee to drink the medicine, be willingly hypnotized by Matthew, and then live as a human the rest of her life?" Edward asked quietly and calmly.

"Only until she is fully grown," Aro corrected. "Naturally, at that time you are going to have to tell her who she really is; and then she will be changed into one of us. It hypnotism will be easy, like a game; you do not have to tell her that he's going to make her forget everything she has ever known."

I watched as Edward shifted his gaze to the ground, his eyes intense as he entered a stage of deep thinking, trying to weigh the pros and cons of this proposal. It was silent for a few minutes as everyone thought about this plan. Finally, Edward spoke. "But what if she discovers who she truly is? What if we can't hide it from her?"

His eyes narrowed. "Then you must immediately change her into one of us to protect our kind. As you know by now, we always find out."

A ferocious growl escaped Caius as he whirled around to face Aro, outraged at this new proposal. "I thought we were going to change the girl! We agreed we were going to change her now! We…"

Aro held up a steady hand, silencing his friend. "Yes, that was the plan. However, I now realize that the Cullen's are correct; we do not want to change the girl right now. She is far too young. This way, she is living in only one world, the human world, but will eventually become part of our world."

The leader's voice was sympathetic and genuine, as if this truly was the best plan for our family. But it wasn't; the best plan for our family would be for them to leave us alone and to let Nessie live her entire life as a half-breed. There was no reason she had to be changed at all. She did nothing wrong.

Would she be different if she forgot everything about her life? Would she be the same girl that she had always been, that I had thought she always would be? I longed to keep my Renesmee; the little girl who knew who she was, who we were. But I knew that no matter how hard we tried, we would never be able to convince the Volturi to let her stay the way she was.

Now it was time: I had a life-changing decision to make for my sweet girl. Was I willing to let my daughter forget everything in order to allow her from being changed into a vampire until she was fully grown? Was I willing to completely change our lives in order for her to grow up a little more before the inevitable happened?

I knew the answer was yes—I would do anything to keep my daughter from being changed into a vampire right now.

"Edward, Bella, what is your answer? Shall we change her now or wait a few years until she has matured?"

Edward looked down at me, pain filling his eyes as they met mine. We gazed at each other, reading each other's thoughts without using the gift of mind reading. And I knew without a doubt that we had the same thought on our mind. The second that Edward realized this too, he broke my gaze. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he said the words that were going to change our lives forever.

"We will wait."

Edward gave Nessie the medicine, which she drank obediently. Matthew then sat Nessie down and told her that they were going to play a game. He asked her if she could be anything in the world, what would it be? She refused to tell her answer to Matthew; she did not like talking to people whom she did not know. She whispered her answer to Jacob instead. Ironically, she told him that she would be a real vampire, like Edward and me, so she would never have to eat human food again. Matthew told her that he could hypnotize her to think that she was a vampire, but then in ten minutes she would wake up and remember that she wasn't. She grew excited; she always loved games.

Right before he began, I wanted to hug the old Nessie goodbye, but I knew that if I did, she would become frightened. I clung tightly to Edward, giving my daughter reassuring smiles when she looked at me with her big brown eyes. Matthew did the entire hypnotism with an almost-silent whisper in her ear, first making her fall asleep and then completing the actual task. I was about to turn to Edward to inquire what he was telling her, but then realized that Matthew was a shield like me. Edward would not be able to read his thoughts.

Before long, it was complete. Nessie was still asleep and when she woke up tomorrow, she would have no idea who she was. We had to think of a story—Rosalie came up with the idea that she had gotten into a car accident, which would account for her lost memory. Then we quickly began packing some things we would need. We were moving to Alaska to live with the Denali, where Nessie would never realize how different we really were. I made sure I put the diary that we had gotten Nessie in my purse. On the plane, I would rip any pages out that had anything to do with her old life. I didn't want to get rid of it entirely; I knew it might help her if she is able to read some of the things she had written and to be able to write in it now.

We put the boxes in our cars and drove to the airport, leaving behind the life I had now grown accustomed to, the life I had never dreamed I would be forced to abandon.