Chapter Eight

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Renesmee

As Nick suggested, I filled the bathtub to wash off the smell of his motorcycle. I had only talked to my mother for a minute when I came through the door. Both of my parents had amazing senses—they would definitely be able to smell the gasoline on me. And I was not going to let them find out about the motorcycle. They would forbid me to ride it which would in turn take away the one and only form of excitement in my life. I was going to continue riding that motorcycle, and my parents were not going to find out about it.

Suddenly, the thoughts of what I had realized in the library kept began pushing their way into my consciousness. I tried to change the subject, something much harder to do in your own head. I was in no mood to think about what had happened right now. What I needed to do what get my mind off of it.

Motorcycle. Even thinking that word sent chills of excitement down my spine. I still couldn't believe that I had actually ridden on the back of a boy's motorcycle. More importantly, I couldn't believe I actually found someone at school who I wanted to be friends with. I had tried hanging out with the other kids at school many times, but I never had any fun. All Nick and I did was go to the library, and it was one of the most thrilling times of my life. There was just something about him that intrigued me; I couldn't wait to see him again. Maybe one day we would even start dating.

I felt a sudden surge of nausea as I came to an important realization; even just being friends with Nick would mean that he would eventually want to meet my family.

Thinking back, I recalled the first time someone had met my family. It was when we first moved to Washington. My English teacher had assigned us a project that we could either chose a partner to work on with or work on by ourselves. Since I was the new girl, I figured I would be working by myself. I had quietly read over my notes as the class erupted into talking, everyone claiming his or her partner. Finally, the teacher called the class to order and began teaching again. I had been only half-paying attention because as usual, my father had already taught me everything we had been learning.

‡

I was startled out of daydreaming by a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, Matt, a friendly boy in my class, was smiling at me. He held a note in his hand, which I figured he wanted me to pass along to someone else.

"Who is it for?" I whispered quietly.

The corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile. "You."

I managed to smile back, though my increased heart rate and sweaty palms made me feel like I was going to faint. What could he want to write to me about? I had barely spoken to him, as it was only my second day of class. Yesterday, he had asked me what the homework was, but as usual, I could barely get the words out and ended up writing it down for him on a piece of paper.

That was probably what the note was about: asking what the homework was. He was just going to skip the excruciating awkward step of speaking to me and just ask me in a note. I felt myself calm down as I came to that conclusion. All I had to do was write an answer and then pass it back. Write down an answer, pass it back. Write down an answer, pass it back…

But wait...the teacher hadn't even assigned us any homework yet. There had to be something else in that note. Frustration filled my body; these were the times when I loathed my parents having raised me with zero social skills. My knowledge on how to handle this situation was strictly limited to the novels I had read and the two movies I had just watched last night. And unless this had to do with stealing his girlfriend or being the first girl football player in the school, they weren't much help.

I glanced down and to my horror realized that I still hadn't taken the note. I watched his smile slowly turn into a small frown as he pushed it into my hand. "Read it, Nessie." he whispered softly.

Fighting the urge to run out of the room, I pulled the paper out of his hands. Then I turned back around and slowly unfolded it, glancing up at the teacher to make sure that she didn't realize what I was doing. I had heard of high school teachers reading confiscated notes to the class. I didn't know what this note said, but I knew for sure that I didn't want it read in front of everybody.

hey nessy, I was wondering if u didnt all ready have a partner if u wanted 2 b mine

This was the last thing I expected, and I was shocked, to say the least. I quickly scribbled a reply.

Sure, thanks. Are you free after school to work on it?

yeah, but do u mind if we go to your house?

I turned around and nodded, though I highly doubted his story. I knew he just wanted to get inside the infamous Cullen house. I wasn't completely clueless, having heard the rumors going around school about my family. Everybody wanted to find out the real story, though they would be disappointed to know that there really wasn't any story at all. There were no secrets to be discovered, no mysteries to unravel. I was just another member of the plain, boring Cullen family. And I liked it that way; it kept life normal.

Okay, so my house after school then?

sounds good. my mom is picking me up after school today, so she can just take us 2 your house

I'll meet you by your locker.

can't wait

After class, I went into the bathroom to call my father. I dialed the number the second I closed the door, knowing that I had limited time between classes. Being on a schedule was something else I was getting used to.

"Hey, sweetheart. Is everything okay?" he asked when he answered the phone. I realized he was probably concerned because I was calling him in the middle of the day.

"Yeah, Dad. I was just calling to tell you that you don't need to pick me up after school today. My friend's mom is going to take me home."

"It is her mom who is driving, correct? I don't want you to get into the car with someone who just got her license."

I sighed—he had been so overprotective since we moved to Washington. While we lived in Alaska, he had always trusted me and hardly ever feared my safety. Sure, there wasn't a lot of trouble I could get into, practically living in seclusion and being home schooled, but still, he used to trust me a lot more. I supposed I could understand being protective about who I got into a car with, seeing as I got into a car accident when I was little, but it was still frustrating. "Yes, his mom is driving," I answered.

"His?"

"Yeah, his name is Matt," I said sweetly. I could express my annoyance with the interrogations he always seemed to bestow on me, but decided against it. He loved me; his sheltering was a compliment. "He's a sophomore like me, and he doesn't have his license yet. And do you mind if we come over for a little bit? We have an English project to do."

"Of course," he replied, but it sounded somewhat hesitant. "Anything else you need?"

"Um…can you get me out of school for the rest of the day?" I asked hopefully.

I heard him laugh. "Nice try. Have a good day, Ness. Good luck on your science test."

"Thanks for reminding me," I said sarcastically. "I'm really nervous."

"Ness, we studied the brain while we were in Alaska, remember? You did so well on it. It will be really easy for you. Everything should be really easy for you, at these level classes. But next year you'll be in the honor's program, so you'll have a challenge for once. I'm sure every class you have right now is really boring."

"Kind of," I admitted.

"Well, you take your tests at the end of the year and then next year and then they'll put you in all of the honors classes."

"If I pass the tests..."

He laughed. "If you pass them? You're smarter than any honors student they've had before."

"Dad…" I groaned. I hated when he talked about how smart I was. It was as if I was supposed to stand out from the other kids when all I wanted to do was blend in. It was fine that I was going into the honors program; plenty of kids were in it. But after that I was done. I was going to stay quiet, do my homework, and count the days until summer vacation.

"Sorry. I'll see you in a little while. Love you."

"Love you too."

At the end of the day I met Matt by his locker as planned. He looked up and smiled intriguingly at me when he saw me approach.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked as he casually leaned against his locker.

I nodded as I pushed my hair behind my ear, suddenly conscious of how I looked. I had never felt this way before around a boy, not that I had much experience. I glanced down at my dark blue jeans and navy blue tee shirt, vowing that from now on, I would wear something a little nicer to school.

"Do you mind if we wait outside?" he asked as he ran his fingers through his beach blonde hair. "I really need some fresh air."

I was barely able to nod again when he grabbed my hand and quickly led me out of the school into pouring rain. The chilly fall air hit me the second we walked outside, and I shivered. I was used to the cold, but this place felt especially so. The rain seemed to go right through you at time. Coupled by the content gray clouds, I wondered when I would ever considered this place home.

Courteously, Matt popped open a large umbrella and held it over both of our heads as we waited for his mother.

"Thanks," I said softly. Leaning against the building, I stared straight ahead and watched the rain pour down all around me. Matt did the same and pressed one foot against the wall for more support.

"No problem. You gotta get used to bringing one of these, Nessie. It's not so much snow you have to deal with here. Just lots and lots of rain."

"Yeah," I agreed. I felt myself blushing, but I didn't know why.

"So have you lived in Alaska your whole life?"

"No, we lived Phoenix, Arizona until I was four."

His blue eyes grew wide with surprise. "You lived in Phoenix and moved to Alaska? Why did your parents do that?"

I shrugged, feeling blood rush to my cheeks again. "I don't really know."

"So you were home schooled?"

I nodded, causing him to frown. "You're not very talkative, are you?" he asked.

"Sorry. Yes, I was home schooled. My whole family was in Alaska. My grandparents, my aunts and uncles. I never really knew anything outside of them."

"That must have been really lonely," Matt said, moving the umbrella a little closer to me until our arms were touching. I felt my heart flutter. "Not having any friends."

"Well, I had them. And Jake..."

With the sound of that name, Matt turned to look at me. "And Jake is...your brother?" he asked hopefully.

I shook my head. "Family friend. His family is actually from around here. A place called Forks."

Matt nodded. "I know Forks. That's where my mom is from. Speaking of which..." he waved a blue mini van over to us. He opened the sliding door, motioning for me to get into the car first. He slid into the sit next to me instead of getting in the front, giving me a small, apologetic smile, as if he was sorry that he couldn't drive us himself.

"Hello," his mother greeted sweetly as she looked back at me with inquisitive green eyes.

"Hi," I replied. "I'm Renesmee. Nessie."

Through the rearview mirror I saw her smile, sweet and motherly. "I'm Linda. You're the girl who just moved here, right? Nessie Cullen?"

I had to look twice at her; she looked so much older than my parents and aunts and uncles. I estimated her to be the same age as my grandparents, maybe older. It was hard to believe that her son and I were the same age. She must have had Matt when she was older. But then again, I supposed many adults in Washington appeared older, as if my parents were the ones who had me at a highly inappropriate age.

"Yeah, we just arrived two days ago. We came from Alaska."

"Alaska? How nice. Well, it's wonderful to meet you. Is your family settling in okay?"

"Yes, thank you."

"How do you like Washington?"

"I like it a lot, thank you. Well, except for all the rain."

"Yeah, it is something to get used to. I've lived in Washington my whole life. I grew up in Forks. It's about an hour and a half drive from here. It was rainy there too. We hardly ever saw sun." She paused for a second, as if recalling a memory. "Now Nessie, I remember a Cullen family that lived in Forks. I was in college at the time and would only visit on the holidays, but I remember people talking about the Cullen's. There were a bunch of teenagers living in the house, all were either the foster kids or adopted—I can't remember which—by a young man and his wife. I think most of them were my brother Steven's age. Sp probably seventeen or eighteen. Oh, I can't remember their names or even their father's name. I just remember was a very prominent citizen in the community. Anyway, are they related to you, dear?"

I started to shake my head when I realized she couldn't see me do so while she was driving. "No, I don't think so. I was just telling Matt that we have a family friend who lived there, but that's the only person I know of who lived in Forks. We lived in Arizona and then moved to Alaska."

"Arizona. I've always wanted to see Arizona. Is it nice there?"

"I don't really remember. We moved when I was four." I was hoping that would be the end of the questions, but she kept going, inquiring about my life in Alaska and how it compared to Washington.

When we finally reached my house, I thanked Matt's mother and jumped out of the car, grateful for an end to the interrogation. Then the two of us proceeded up the walk to the front door, which was unlocked, as always.

My father was inside, sitting on the living room couch, reading a newspaper. He glanced up at the sound of the door closing and placed the paper on the coffee table in front of him.

"Hi D..." I started.

"Hi, I'm Nessie's brother, Edward," my father interrupted, his voice perfectly calm and even. He quickly stood up and walked over to shake Matt's hand.

I glanced at him, wondering if this was some sort of a joke. He did not look at me, so I glanced back at Matt, who apparently found nothing wrong with this situation. I mean, I knew my father looked young, but did he look young enough to be my brother? And why was he pretending to be my brother in the first place?

"Hey, I'm Matt. Are you in high school or did you graduate already?"

High school? I thought. What did he mean did he graduate already? Of course he graduated already. Like twenty years ago.

"I graduated last year, from a high school in Alaska," my father replied, still not meeting my eye.

I tried to fight back the unwelcome tears which were quickly filling my eyes. I was so confused; why was my father doing this? He had to know how humiliating it was. Matt was going to think that my family was crazy.

"Sweet. Is that your Crossfire outside?"

My father nodded. I watched as a proud smile immediately appeared on his face at the mention of his beloved car, which I now assumed he cared more about than his once-beloved daughter.

Matt grinned. "It's awesome."

"Thanks," he paused, finally turning to me. "Do you two have a project to do?"

"Yes," I whispered, barely able to look at him. I had never been so confused in my life. Was this a dream? Or a reality show with a hidden camera? That had to have been it; there was a camera somewhere in this room and any second now my family and friends were going to come out from the other room and laugh at how gullible I had been. I literally began looking around the room, trying to find some trace that my theory was right. Of course, I did not see anything.

Just then, my grandfather walked through the door with an arm full of grocery bags. He glanced at me and then immediately moved his gaze to my father, who was walking over to take the bags out of his hands.

"Hi, Mr. Cullen," Matt said, briefly holding up his hand in acknowledgment. "I'm Matt."

"Hi, Matt," my grandfather greeted, his voice as perfectly calm as my father's had been. "Are you two working on that English project that Nessie told me about?"

"Yeah. We'd better get started, Nessie. I can only stay for an hour."

"Do you two need anything?" my grandfather asked kindly.

"No, we're fine, thanks," Matt answered. "Nessie, where do you want to work?"

I barely heard him. I could only stand there, my eyes wide with confusion as I glanced back and forth from my father to my grandfather. Neither of them looked at me.

"Nessie?" Matt repeated. "Where do you want to work?"

"Oh, sorry. We can go into the family room. It's this way," I said quietly before I picked up my books and left the room, wanting to be as far away from them as possible.

"Your dad's really young," he commented, interrupting the silence that had begun to settle in the room.

So he had just been playing along. He knew my "brother" was really my dad and had just been playing along in the kitchen. How could my father do this to me? Now I was going to have to explain to Matt why my family was acting so strange—and I did not even have a reason for it.

"Matt, I'm really sorry," I finally said.

He furrowed his eyebrows apparently confused. "Why are you sorry?"

"Because of them."

"Because of who? Your dad and brother?"

I was about to explain when I stopped, realizing what this meant: He truly believed what my father and grandfather had told him. But how could he believe it? Wasn't it as obvious as it was to me that Edward was not my brother, but in fact my father? And wasn't it as obvious as it was to me that Carlisle was not my father, but in fact, my grandfather?

"Never mind," I said quickly. "What were you saying?"

"How young your dad is. What is he, in his thirties?"

"I have no idea," I admitted quietly, and it wasn't a lie; I really didn't know how old my grandfather was. Or how old my real father was, for that matter. But they were definitely not young enough to play the ages that Matt believed them to be.

"Is your mom young too?"

Frankly, Matt, I don't know who my mother is anymore. I thought. I suspect that my new mother is my grandmother, but you can't be too sure these days. Maybe next week my mother will be Rosalie, which would make my father Emmett…

But of course, I would never say any of that out loud. "I guess so" was what I settled on.

"You never told me that you had a brother. I thought you said it was just you and your parents in Alaska. Did your brother live with you?"

"Yes."

"Awesome. You know, you look a lot like him."

"Oh," I said quietly, but what I really wanted to do was scream 'Of course we look alike! He's my father!'

He gave a me a questioning look, placing his hand on my arm. "Nessie, you're hardly talking again. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's okay," I lied.

"If you say so. So for this project, I was thinking…

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I had just been drying myself off, when the sharp ring of the doorbell brought me back to reality. I looked at my alarm clock; how had an hour gone by so quickly?

"Is someone going to get that?" I yelled. It rang again. "Anybody? Mom? Dad?" Ring. Ring. Ring.

I groaned before I quickly threw my pajamas on and hurried downstairs. I ran my fingers through my soaking wet hair, hoping to make myself more presentable. I reached the door and threw it open to see Jacob's smiling face.

"Nessie!" he exclaimed, picking me up as he hugged me.

"Jake. Can't. Breathe," I managed to say as his strong arms practically crushed my lungs.

"Oh, sorry." He set me down and then kissed the top of my head. "How are you?"

"I'm well. What about you?"

He grinned. "I'm amazing."

Though I was in no mood to be happy, his enthusiasm forced a small smile to appear on my face. "You're especially cheerful today."

"Yeah I am."

"Well, if you're looking for my parents, I don't know where my dad is, but my mom was here before I jumped in the shower. I have no clue where she went."

"Oh," he said, the smile not falling from his perfect face.

I looked at him with accusing eyes. "You know where they are."

He looked back at me innocently. "No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"Fine, maybe I do," he muttered, looking around the house.

I punched him teasingly but he didn't seem to even notice. Pain shot through my hand. Did he wear a suit of armor under his clothes? "Tell me!" I pleaded, holding my throbbing hand behind my back before he could see that I had hurt it.

He turned his attention back to me. "It's no big deal, Ness. Your family is with my family," he shrugged, walking into the family room and collapsing on the couch.

I sat down next to him. "Why?"

"Because they're..." he paused. "…discussing some things. Important things."

I sighed dramatically. "Just something else I will never understand."

"You'll understand one day, I promise."

All of you say that. And yet, one day never seems to come. I thought. But I settled on a smile and a nod instead. I didn't want to upset him.

The ringing of his cell phone echoed through the house. I looked down and saw that it was my mother. I wondered again where she went, randomly disappearing like that.

"Hi Bells," Jacob said. My mother said something on the other end. And then "She's fine. Wait one second..." To me, he said "I'll be right back," before he stepped outside into the chilly night air and closed the door.

I frowned, half tempted to follow him outside and demand to listen to their conversation. After all, what right did they have to keep things from me? I was just as much part of this family as they were.

But of course, I would never do that. I made my way over to the couch and collapsed with a sigh. Things were never going to change; not while I lacked the courage to change them.

Jacob came back inside, less cheerful than before. "Your mother..." he said, shaking his head. "She says they're leaving now and they'll see you soon."

"I wish you would just tell me where they went."

He sat down on the couch next to me, still as warm as ever despite having just been outside. "What if it was to go to plan a birthday party for you? Who am I to ruin the surprise?" He shot me a teasing grin before leaning his head against my shoulder. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"How's school been?"

"It's alright. I got an A on my math test the other day."

Jake picked his head up and turned to me with a smile. "That's not news. Have you ever gotten anything less than an A in your entire life?"

"I guess not. Sorry my life is so boring to you..." I said with a laugh. I wanted to tell him about Nick, but I thought better of it. He would press me for details, and somehow I would end up confessing that I had ridden on his motorcycle without my parents permission. And I wished I could say that Jake would keep my secret, but I know that when it came to my safety, he would be the first one telling my parents what I had been up to.

"Your life is far from boring to me," he told me gently. "I wish I could be here more for you. I've just been...busy lately."

"I get it," I told him, although I didn't. He worked on cars to pay his bills, but other than that, what else did he do with his time?

"Hey Nessie, do you mind if I crash here for a little bit? Just a nap. I'm so…" He yawned. "…tired. I don't think I can even drive home."

"Of course. Do you need anything? Food, something to drink…" I stopped at the sound of his loud snore. "Good night, Jake," I whispered, leaving him with a kiss on his warm cheek.

I lounged around the house, waiting for him to wake up. He seemed like he was in a deep sleep, so I assumed his little nap was going to take all night. I went upstairs to my room and collapsed on my bed.

My heart fluttered as I thought of him, asleep downstairs. I wondered what he was dreaming about. Probably food; I've never seen somebody eat as much as Jake did. Actually, his brothers ate just as much. His family was huge and not just because there were a lot of people in it. Every single one of his brothers, and there were about ten of them, were as muscular and tall as Jake. Since Jake usually came over to my house, I had only met his family a few times.

I thought about the mystery that was Jacob Black. I felt that I knew everything about him and yet nothing at all.

But still, I loved him. Truly and deeply, more than I had ever loved anyone before. It started slowly, building over time. I had to have been around fifteen years old when I first came to this realization. Before that, I had seen him like a big brother. Protecting, loving, and often teasing me, he filled this role nicely. Then one day, everything changed. When our eyes locked, I felt complete. When he smiled at me, my heart filled with happiness. When his hand touched mine, it sent chills down my spine, despite the warmth that radiated from his body.

It didn't matter anyway. Wishing wouldn't make Jake feel about me the way I felt about him. Jacob would only see me as a little sister and nothing more. And how could I blame him? He had been in my life since I was little and our age difference was at least eight years.

However, I couldn't refrain from imagining what it would like to be his girlfriend. To kiss his warm lips, to hear him tell me that he loved me. Sure he has told me that before, but again, it was in a sisterly way. I longed to hear him say it like he meant it. I longed for him to take my face in his rough hands and kiss me passionately.

Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep, dreaming of the love I could never have. The door opening downstairs startled me awake. Hearing my parent's voices, I ran downstairs before they woke up Jacob.

"Hey, Dad. Hey, Mom," I whispered. "Jake is sleeping on the couch."

"He must be exhausted…" my mother murmured, gliding to the family room.

I turned to my father as he was taking off his shoes and putting them into the coat closet. "Did you have fun at…?" I trailed off, hoping he would enlighten me on where they had gone.

"Yes, thank you, sweetheart."

As he turned to the window, I scowled; of course he would not tell me. He continued looking outside, as if he was waiting to see something. I watched as his golden eyes scanned the entire yard.

"What are you doing?" I finally asked, annoyed.

He ignored me and continued looking out the window. "I want you to stay in the house tonight," he finally said, turning to me.

"Where would I be going at night?"

Once again, he ignored me. "And I want you to make sure you are telling your mother and I where you are going."

"I always do, Dad. Is there something wrong?"

"Of course not. Nothing you need to worry about." He leaned down to press his cold lips to the top of my head, causing me to shiver.

"Are you cold, honey?" my mother said as she came back into the room. "Here…" She went into the closet and pulled out another blanket. "There you go, that should keep you warm tonight." She turned to my father. "Jacob is out cold. Hopefully he is comfortable on the couch..."

"He can sleep anywhere," my father said with a laugh. "Speaking of sleep, you should get up to bed. It's a school night."

"Right," I said. "Good night."

"Good night, Nessie." My mother kissed my forehead, which caused another shiver to roll through my body.

I walked up the stairs to my room with the blanket my mother had given me. I hadn't realized how tired I was. All I wanted to do was fall asleep and escape to a dream that had nothing to do with the reality I was forced to deal with.

But I knew I had to think about it sooner or later—I might as well do it now. There were many questions I needed to ask myself. Was there something more to Nick? Was he similar to my family and Jake's family? Was I a magnet to crazy people? Could I ever live a normal life?

I had a feeling Nick was somehow deeply connected with my family. Pale skin, beautiful eyes, cold body temperature; there was no way it was all a coincidence. And though I didn't know a lot about people outside of Alaska and Washington, I knew that there couldn't be that many people in the world with every single one of those characteristics.

The last two questions depressed me—ever since a month or two after I moved to Washington, I knew I would never live a normal life. Even if I tried to hang out with my friends, I knew it wouldn't make a difference. They would immediately see how weird my family was and reject me.

I sighed with frustration; I couldn't handle this anymore. Nick was going to be normal in my eyes—I didn't care what I had to do. I was going to pretend like there wasn't something more to him. I was going to pretend like he was a normal teenager—a normal teenager like I was going to be from now on.

Is it still considered a lie when you tell it to yourself?