Chapter Twelve

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Renesmee

I felt as if my legs could not move fast enough as I darted to my room and slammed the door. I jumped onto my bed and glared at the doorknob, waiting to attack someone who had the audacity to try to enter. No one came, so I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it, trying to release the anger that had built up for so long.

Did anyone in the world know what this felt like? Did anyone in the world care what was happening to me? I didn't do anything to deserve this—except maybe having been born into the wrong family. Didn't they understand that I did not have the fortitude to handle this—the lies, the secrets, the constant worrying, the unbearable fear of the unknown.

I sighed as I realized how wrong I had been. I had always thought that if I just asked, my parents would tell me everything. I couldn't even begin to count the number of hours I had spent working up the courage to ask, only to find out now that it was all a waste. As much as they tried to convince me otherwise, they were never going to tell me the truth.

I wallowed in my misery for a few minutes, letting my unstoppable emotions take even more power over me. It wasn't self pity I was feeling—it was the pity that the people I love should feel every time they look at me. After tonight, it was clear that they hardly felt it at all. I felt myself calming down a little as I laid in bed, listening to the sound of my own breathing. I pushed thoughts of the voice I had heard out of my mind—I had enough to deal with at this very minute without having to contemplate the stability of my own sanity.

Suddenly, I shot my head up and looked out the open window. Freedom. I knew what I had to do; I needed to leave, just for the night. I couldn't be trapped in this house anymore. The house where secrets seemed to be stuffed in the walls, closets, anywhere they would fit. The house where I was the only person in the family who didn't know what those secrets were. I was determined now; I would take one of the cars and return in the morning.

I sighed, realizing I didn't know where to go. I couldn't go to my grandparent's house; there were secrets there too. And besides, they would tell my parents where I was. My aunts and uncles would do the same.

Nick was out of the question as well. As much as I believe deep down that he was connected to all of this, there was a part of me hoping that he would remain a semblance of normalcy in my life. The second I dragged him into this, it was all over.

I realized that there was only one person in the whole world I could go to.

Thoughts of his perfect face that sympathized with me when I was upset swirled in my head. I imagined his muscular arms that held me tight when I was with him. I recalled the warmth of his skin that felt like the sun on a blissful summer afternoon.

Hastily, I grabbed my bag and filled it with clothes and things I would need for the morning. I went as fast as possible, praying that my parents did not choose now to come upstairs to talk to me. I opened my desk drawer and snatched the spare set of my mother's keys that I used when she took me driving.

Sneaking out was easier than I thought. I swung my leg over to the tree near my window, grabbed one of its strong branches, and used it to climb to the ground. Happiness filled me as I neared the car; I realized that for once that I would be taking control of my pathetic life. I knew that when my parents realized I was gone I would be in a lot of trouble. My dad was already extremely overprotective as it was. I could not even imagine what he would do when he found out that I drove to Jake's alone and at night, nonetheless.

As soon as I reached the car, I unlocked it manually with the key, not wanting the sound of the automatic locks to alert my parents, who had impeccable hearing. I got in, threw my bag in the back, and turned the key. Nothing. I groaned; of course it wouldn't stop when I needed it as a means of escape. I quickly got out and unlocked the front door, trying my best to stay as quiet as possible.

"You know you're not supposed to be outside at night alone," said my father's smooth voice as soon as I entered the house, causing my stomach to sink.

"I just wanted some fresh air," I told him.

He stood up, his eyes filled with an emotion I could not pinpoint. Anger? Grief? Disappointment? Or a mix of all three. "Why do you have your mother's keys?"

"I needed them to get back into the house." I shifted my feet under the weight of his glare.

"You were about to sneak out. To see Nicholas."

"No, I wasn't," I told him with conviction, since it wasn't a lie.

"Jacob then?"

This time, I stayed silent.

"What were you thinking, Renesmee? You don't even have a license. It's late. Did he tell you to do this?"

"No!" I snapped. "He didn't even know I was coming."

"So if something had happened to you, no one would have known where you were?"

I paused, knowing he was right but not willing to admit it or apologize. "Will you take me?" I finally settled on. I knew it was a long-shot, but I had to try.

His face washed over with a fresh wave of anger. "Take you?"

"I just want to see him. Please."

And then, to my surprise, he let out a deep sigh. "Get in the car."

I obediently turned to go outside, but froze near the door when I heard my mother enter the living room. "Where are you going, Edward?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"I'm taking her to Jacob's house."

I heard her gulp. "Jake's house?"

"She was going to take the car by herself..." he explained. "Unless we watch her all night, I'm sure she would find a way to sneak out. I'd rather get her there safely."

My mother came over to me. "We love you, Renesmee," she said softly, giving me a soft kiss on my forehead. I pulled away from her, still not ready to forgive.

The car ride there was extremely uncomfortable. We had nothing to say to each other, something that had never happened before. I watched as the trees blurred past as my father sped down the winding back roads that took us from Port Angels to La Push.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we arrived at the reservation where Jacob lived. It was a large section of land, made up of many different houses, each one the home of a different member of his family. My father immediately walked up and banged on the door. After a minute, the door swung open, and I saw Jacob's sweet face appear on the other side.

"Edward. What's..." He stopped when he saw me coming up the side walk. "Nessie," he said softly before turning his attention back to my father. "Is everything okay?" he asked sharply, apparently concerned at the spontaneity of this visit.

"She insisted on seeing you. Can she stay the night?"

"Of course," Jake said, concerned.

"All right then. I'll pick her up in the morning." He turned to me, his eyes soft now. "I love you. Please don't ever forget that." With that, he kissed my head and walked back to his car.

To my pleasure held me for a minute—the temperature of his skin felt good after being around my father in the chilling night air.

Finally, he grabbed my bag and my hand, lacing his fingers around mine to gently pull me inside. He collapsed on the couch and patted the seat next to him, indicating for me to sit down.

"Cold?" he asked, putting his warm arms around me before I could even answer.

I nodded, snuggling closer to him.

"How are you?" he asked softly, stroking my hair.

"Not well."

"Is it your parents?"

I nodded again. "I'm surprised my dad drove me over here. I had just been about to sneak out when he caught me."

Jake's smile dropped immediately. He released his grip and turned to look at me, his expression almost as angry as my father's had been. "You were going to drive over here by yourself? You only have your permit."

"I would have been fine." I felt a defensive anger rise through me, and I met his gaze with confidence.

"That's illegal, Renesmee."

I rolled my eyes at the sound of him using my given name, something he never did. "But necessary, Jacob. I couldn't stay in that house tonight. Besides, you said that you used to drive all the time when you had your permit."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Well, that's different," he mumbled.

"How is it different?"

"It just is. It was stupid of me to do it, and I don't want you doing it either. You can get seriously hurt and it's illegal. And you know better than to go out alone at night."

"I don't need another paranoid father in my life, thank you," I snapped at him.

He paused at this. "Nessie, I'm sorry. But he's right: dangerous things come out at night. You should remember that."

"I don't know why you're freaking out about this," I finally said. "You're usually begging me to come stay with you."

He sighed and pulled me close to him again. I felt the anger drain out of me immediately. "I'm glad you're here," he said softly.

We laid in silence for a few minutes, which was not uncommon for us. We were the kind of friends that didn't need to be constantly talking to each other; we could just be together. I listened to the sound of his deep breathing and his steady heartbeat, the two sounds I loved most in this world because in order to hear them both, I had to be in his arms.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered in my ear.

A small yawn escaped from me before I could answer; the warmth of his body was making me tired.

He started to sit up. "You look exhausted. I'll go make you a bed."

"No," I protested sleepily. "Please. I want to sleep right here, in your arms."

"Okay." He smiled, pulling me closer before lying down. "Do you want a pillow?"

I shook my head, staring up at the ceiling fan, which thankfully was on. It was going to get really hot sleeping in Jake's arms, but I didn't care. "No, this is perfect. Are you comfortable?"

"Of course. Are you?"

"Of course. Oh and Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"To answer your question...I'm thinking about you."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, and how...how great of a friend you are to me."

"Well, thanks Nessie. You're a great friend too."

"And Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to be with me forever. Please. No matter what." I paused, thinking about what I had just admitted-a deep, dark secret that had been written on my face since I realized my love for Jacob Black.

He turned toward me, intensity in his eye. "I would never, ever leave you. Ever. You're one of the most important things in my life, Renesmee Cullen."

I closed my eyes and smiled. "Jake, I..." But I fell asleep before I could finish the most important thing I had ever wanted to tell anyone; a simple sentence that was filled with more truth than I had ever experienced in my entire life.

I am in love with you.